What the fuck is wrong with "becky lucas"? can yopu shed some light please, oh great one.
― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 30 January 2003 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)
It is obvious that Becky suffers from a great deal of self-loathing. The trauma that she has received (and detailed) manifests itself as an attack in response to any real or perceived attack on her self; her self-loathing causes her to perceive attacks where there may be none. She perceives herself to be unworthy of others, but at the same time seeking others and preternaturally sharing painful intimate details in an attempt to curry sympathy and understanding, yet at the same time forcing them away.
Becky has spoken proudly of her computer skills— “i can … break into any site imaginable, … although trust me, i have entered a good share of rather secure website (sic) … how easily (sic) it was to break in and take control of the site … i went all the way in.” Taken in the context of her personal trauma, one can easily see the transference of the trauma as it manifests itself as a boasting of male penetration, e.g., “I went all the way in,” “I have entered a good share,” “how easy it was to … take control.” She also writes of her own security— “I can write out my own password forms”— while boasting of her skill in penetrating others.
At the same time, she concerns herself with the pain of sex— “I just want to know, if the act itself is relatively painful…? I have an extreme fear of pain as well!” She professes a fear of the pain, yet concerns herself with the pain it causes. She is attempting to transfer the pain that she has received to others in a semi-anonymous manner. If others relate the pleasure that may be involved, she strikes out, i.e., “I asked about the pain factor, not the pleasure factor. Get it right next time.” She strikes so that if the sex-pain of her own personal trauma can not be transferred to others, she will ensure that pain is caused.
This conflict— a pulling and pushing of others—causes further self-loathing as she unconsciously continues to perceive slights where there are none— deepening a cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy with a ‘see I told you everybody hates me’ feeling of unworthiness of intimacy (“… am not able to be intimate with him until my wedding night.”).
After a while, Becky will leave this board and go to another where she’ll continue the cycle of drawing others close and then forcing them away. For her to start to break this cycle, she must realise that she is unconsciously driving people away and recognise her pattern of driving others away.
― Sigmund Freud (SiggyBaby), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)
five years pass...