Same with my talents. If ever I become really good at something, inevitably, my mind goes "Can I really be THIS good at this? Maybe I'm just deluding myself, and I'm just mediocre. Or bad."
I know, it sounds ridiculous. But it happens all the time in my head! It's like I'm constantly out to rob myself of pleasure. My dad died when I was young and my family life has always been rather confusing... I don't know. Any experience with this, anyone?
― That hurts (rra123), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:14 (eighteen years ago)
The term "masochism" refers to deriving sexual pleasure from pain. Based on what you've said, it doesn't appear that there is a sexual aspect to your tendency to deny yourself small pleasures and, in fact, it is not clear that you actually do deny yourself these small pleasures; rather it sounds as if you think you should deny yourself.
Perhaps you are fearful that any good things in your life will be taken away from you, like your father was when you were young, and therefore you are afraid to accept that you want or need those good things. Explore your insecurity about your talents, and try to accept that life is full of small goodnesses whether you embrace them or not. It makes more sense to embrace them, because they balance the bad things that are also inevitable.
And please don't keep yourself from drinking water when you're thirsty. That's a bad, bad idea.
― Mrs. Freud, Saturday, 7 October 2006 00:02 (eighteen years ago)
― Ramzi Awn (rra123), Saturday, 7 October 2006 18:45 (eighteen years ago)
You are very welcome. Are you feeling any better? I hope your name change signifies a change in your self-perception and outlook.
― Mrs. Freud, Tuesday, 10 October 2006 03:24 (eighteen years ago)