For those of us with delusions of grandeur...

I don't know you from Eve, so I did a search on your name and came up with this:

sultry Ann Sterzinger, a young, exhibitionistic, Wicker Park–based dishwasher/mud wrestler—she wore a see-through dress with nothing underneath to the ULA press conference—who's the purported prize-writer. ("She's somewhat psychotic," Wenclas told me, but "in personality and energy she blows away any writer out there.")
--Village Voice

Is that you?

Markets in the US is something I am not familiar with. But, were I living in the States, I would look seriously at using the Writers' Collective (100% royalties, complete creative- and business control, retention of copyright, etc., etc.).

If you're young, exhibitionistic and wear see-through dresses, then it seems you have the right profile for a début author, in any case.

More seriously, a book of short stories as your first book is an extremely hard sell. And if you do find a publisher, the chances of a big advance are small. My advice is to gird up whatever reserves of self-discipline you possess and just get that novel finished. If it's good, you are much more likely to find a buyer and actually make some money too. The market for début novels is way, way more healthy and alive with possibilities. Then save your short story collection for your second or third book.

My friends who are trying to publish all scream "get an agent!" otherwise - you probably have done this - the short story thing seems to happen by publishing stories in Glimmertrain, etc. i am going to google you immediately. Are you doing the writers colony thing?

"she wore a see-through dress with nothing underneath to the ULA press conference"

I don't wish to appear shallow, but is there a photo to accompany this staement?

After years of starting and dropping efforts at writing a book, I finally decided to try writing one that was just fun--a kids' book (Harry Potter age) with a vampire and ghosts, set in my favorite city, York. I'm really planning to finish it, but it's so hard to find the time to sit down and work on it. And I'm not a celebrity, so the odds are against my getting it published. (On the other hand, seems like anybody can become a celebrity these days.)

Never fear, Mikey. What's bred in the bone isn't shallow.

Goddamn, I was hoping nobody would Google me. That dress bullshit was five years ago and won't quit haunting me. I wore the damn thing for sentimental reasons -- a friend of mine had worn it at CB's as a matter of course twenty years prior; I assumed everyone still dressed that way at the club. To my dismay, everyone else was wearing black shirts and black pants and liver-colored lipstick with shoulder-length hair. Note there are no photos, sorry. That's because the gossiping morons wanted to go on about my exhibitionism without mentioning the classy, opaque sport coat (Laundry, two bucks at Filene's) that I'd worn over most of it because it was cold as hell outside. But I'm sure I'll never hear the end of my empty-headed coquetterie. Whatever. I had food poisoning half an hour before that stupid event and barely remember any of it. Also, I no longer have anything to do with the ULA idiots. I was young and broke and angry because it looked like I had about zero chance at making it. Pardon my snappishness, but since I'm trying to learn to get off the self-pity pot when I write I'd appreciate it if the sexually frustrated could do the world a favor and show a little restraint themselves. (Jack Saunders can go FUCK HIMSELF -- oh, have I been crude again? Burp!)

I googled you when I first came to the board. Nothing I read in any links made me think ill of you. I thought you seemed kinda cool...

Jayzus.

In my nonreading, nonwriting life I am a tailor.

I have seen much worse. Velour with horizontal stripes. Mickey Mouse on adults. Puff sleeves with a butt bow on a 93 year old woman.

You are fine.

Keep trying.

I've got nothing to offer beyond what everyone else has already said. I'm writing too. It seems to me sometimes like everyone in the world is writing and everyone's writing better stuff than me except the people who get deals and they appear to be writing cloth-headed mush which disappears in your brain like spy writing as soon as you read it. Am bitter and likely to remain so for foreseeable.

Also am verr, verr drunk.

Heh heh, pardon my spaz... long week at work.

I still don't know quite why, but I just was really pissed that no one noticed the actual fashion sense, and remain pissed to this day... obviously, I'm with accentmonkey in the bitterness department... all I can say is that nobody will remember these people in a hundred years... granted, nobody will remember me either, but ah, well, that's why we invented booze.

:D!!!
Writing is hard. Publishing is hard. I wish you good luck with your collection. Finish your novel! I have been lucky enough to have published a novel, a book of poetry, and a poetry textbook. IBM bought 6 children's stories a few years ago (that paid well). The poetry you do for the love of it. The novel...I didn't get rich, tho' my agent had big visions of film, etc. My advice is: Finish your novel, bless it, send it out to as many people as you can. And, don't quit your day job. It's dicey. It's Luck. and Talent. Figure its like playing the Slots, and go on with your life.

I didn't google you to ogle you - just to get a sense of how far along you are in you r writing career. I will only ogle you if we meet in real life, and then in just the appreciative woman to woman way. Have you applied to any of the writing colonies? That always seems a neccesary step in the predestined journey of up and comers.

Ann, Finish your novel, have Nick edit it, and see if he'll refer you to his agent. Save the collection for your 2nd or 3rd.

Nick who? And does he do freelance work?

Hey Frank -- hm... should we ask Nick if he don't mind us spreadin' his identity? Har har, that's a good one. I shoulda been a stand-up comic.

And I don't mind being ogled per se... I mind being ogled RESENTFULLY, if you catch my drift. By men or by women. It's nasty and depressing.

But I do mind that when people Google me they never click on any of the short stories I've written, they just go on a fruitless search for nudie photos, get pissed that there aren't any, and decide to Google the Barbi Twins instead.

(I guess posting some nudie photos of myself might help, but I don't have a digital camera and something tells me it wouldn't help... though I guess I wouldn't have to waste time earning rent if I went to jail for pornografinating... hm... )

I don't think Nick'd mind. He needs a buck as much as the next guy.

OK, it's Nick Mamatas. I like his writing. Google him and you will find he is not naked.

BTW, I clicked on "I feel lucky", and that's what came up. I've apologised by email, I apologise publically, too. Sorry, Ann.

I just googled my name and ha ha.

WriteAPrisoner.com
Mike Gregory. ... I will greatly appreciate your letter sent directly to me at: Mike
Gregory #K-60194 Folsom State Prison PO Box 715071 Represa CA 95671-5071 USA. ...

Of course I only get banged up in prisons where Jonny Cash played. My lawyer insists on it.

Did you get my response to your "I'm sorry"? I was sorry for getting so pissed and snappy. I had the week to end all frustrating work weeks last week, not that it's any excuse. If you don't want people to gossip about your pubes, wear clothes, right?

Yeah, I got your reply. Thanks. But that doesn't stop me feeling guilty. Guilt's good, right? In any case, you deserved a public apology.

Now tell us about the pubes.

Uh, I accidentally burned them all off when I OD'd on penicillin. Sorry.

Jayzus.

It really is odd, this Sterzinger thing.

I never had a clue she was famous. I thought she was an ILB Character.

I don't get the stuff about ogling her: as far as I can see, there are no pictures of her online.

I did just find an interview but my computer does not play sound.

No, no, I was pissy about Jack Saunders, the dullest writer in the world, waxing snide about my ass the same way he waxes snide about anyone who actually writes anything worth publishing, and... oh, I guess we got off topic a bit, eh?

(Ftt! Didn't know I was famous??? Everyone who works at the Reader is Automatically Famous, that's why they can pay us wages and freelance fees that would insult Indonesian cobblers! I pay the rent with my Nike deal!)

Wow, do I need a new job. Whew. Pant, pant.

I have not heard of the Reader.

This is all very interesting, though.

Ann is the second most famous poster to ILB. After the King of Sweden.

No, please, after you, my dear sir!

Hey prince -- when's YOUR book coming out? (Takes off writer hat, slaps on reader hat, puts hands on hips, taps foot...)

Not sure if it's too late to fire up this post again. I'm back after a hiatus of ~ a year... got into this when I was retrenched early last year, and have been off it since I've had my new one. But now the charm's worn off that one (and I'm home for 2 weeks after having my leg operated on the other day).
Just wanted to share what happened last year: sent my first novel off and got a call from the agent right off the bat. She called me at work. I had to take myself off to the bathroom to smile with unrestrained glee. Dizzying fantasies exploded in my head.
But since then, it's all been extremely quiet. I've been told that the book is with a number of publishers, but it's "just a very slow industry". This is in Australia, though, which has a miniscule market, but even so...
Ann, I agree with the advice above re: a novel being better than shrt stories. The other indication I received was that they preferred thinner to thicker books, ie., between 60 - 80k. I know it is punishingly slow at the start, but it really doesn't take long for the thing to gain momentum and you're able to write a lot quite quickly. Really. This is something I hadn't realised before writing a novel.

But maybe you've written it already...?