Let's write a bad sex scene

She walked straight up to Keith, head of finance, and grabbed him by his tie. She meant business, and she meant it now.

He reached for her stocking-clad legs, sliding his hands up her thighs until he undid her garters with a grin, like a schoolboy snapping a rubber band toward his mate's eye.

Keith removed Brenda's stocking and pinched right nipple. "You sunk my battleship," she cooed.

"I want you in me", she purred in a manner reminiscent of a cat.

She pulled at his belt, like Sinbad the Sailor in those cheesy cartoons from the 1930s. The only muscle that bulged, however, was his love muscle.

[A quick note: I remind readers of the existence of I Love Writing, where ths kind of silliness would be right on topic.]

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

The window cleaner squinted into the boardroom. All these people in suits made him chuckle. His viewpoint gave him an angle under the table. A blonde secretary was sitting opposite. She was smiling at him! He looked belowships, as she parted her thighs. Oh my god! She was wearing George Benson panties.

The window cleaner squinted into the boardroom. All these people in suits made him chuckle. His viewpoint gave him an angle under the table. A blonde secretary was sitting opposite. She was smiling at him! He looked belowships, as she parted her thighs. Oh my god! She was wearing...
Nancy Drew pajamas.

REVIVE

Revive my flagging libido, if you could. Ever since I took the job in the weeping sores unit of the Dermatology Barn, well, I just can't seem to get aroused. Maybe if I smell your bandaid. C'mere you sexy leper you......