Excerpts of my book are now available on the web

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As I promised in this thread, I have posted some substantial excerpts from my book to this website where you may read them for free. (I apologize in advance for the annoying pop-up ads. Perhaps I shall one day shell out the cash for a more tranquil web space.)

The site includes the full text of two of the nine chapters in the full book, plus brief excerpts from three other chapters. Also, it includes the text of the Preface. I added a few other fiddly pages meant to be amusing.

The book is a non-fiction account of a seven day, 70 mile hike in a very wild place in northeastern Oregon, USA. The tone is another matter. I attempted to tell the tale in an amiable and amusing voice. If I failed to make the book sufficiently charming and funny, then it is nothing but a scrap of dull fabric stuck on a stick.

The book is strictly factual in content. Whatever I report as happening happened. However, nothing much happened. No one died or even sneezed very violently. I hiked alone, so I did not even have a companion to make wry comments upon.

Make of it what you will.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:15 (nineteen years ago)

Ha! I just clicked on it and it was BLOCKED!

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

I blame your IT dept.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:23 (nineteen years ago)

And here I bought a copy on Saturday! I'll try to wait for the hard copy to arrive instead of peeking.

― Jaq (Jaq), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:34 (nineteen years ago)

But what would they have against the Great Out Of Doors?

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:37 (nineteen years ago)

So, that was you, was it! I get a notification for each sale. They come as single spies, not battalions. Thank you.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:38 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, you're welcome! Wish I could have helped more on the server/hosting aspect of things.

We are thinking of exploring down in that neck of planet, since we are sort of in the neighborhood. And also there's that new bulge to check out in Bend.

― Jaq (Jaq), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:48 (nineteen years ago)

what would they have against the Great Out Of Doors?

I know the pale wan IT person is a stereotype, but there's a reason for it!

― Jaq (Jaq), Monday, 19 September 2005 21:56 (nineteen years ago)

OK, now I got through. The paragraph I read read like Bertie Wooster goes camping. Which is meant as a compliment.

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 19 September 2005 23:05 (nineteen years ago)

I bought it. I liked it! What a trip! My son lives in Oregon and loves to camp and hike. I will send him a copy.

― pepektheassassin (pepektheassassin), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 01:46 (nineteen years ago)

Good news! The ILXor known as Jarlr'mai has generously donated some ad-free web space for my use. You may now read the book excerpts without the aggressive annoyance of pop-up ads.

The new location is here.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 22 September 2005 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

Cafepress assures me my copy has shipped. I hope it shows up before the weekend is out as I'm getting mightily bogged down in Gravity's Rainbow.

― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 22 September 2005 17:13 (nineteen years ago)

And I'm not getting blocked either. Yay!

― k/l (Ken L), Thursday, 22 September 2005 17:18 (nineteen years ago)

Aimless, I enjoyed Escape on Foot and put a brief review up.

― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 29 September 2005 23:26 (nineteen years ago)

So now the 6 regular readers of our blog who are family will know not to buy it for me for xmas, and the 2 who are friends will know what they are getting for xmas. The other 3 folks coming in from searches for "ricin recipe" and "is ciara really a man" will go WTF? and hit the back button.

― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 29 September 2005 23:54 (nineteen years ago)

I really hope the book is filled with lines like "Oh, a squirrel." Lines that express the surprise, recognition, disappointment, and tedium of the human condition.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 30 September 2005 01:07 (nineteen years ago)

There is also a great section of searching rumination on what bear shit (oops - scat) might look like. There was some surprise involved in this bit. Also, tension.

― Jaq (Jaq), Friday, 30 September 2005 01:42 (nineteen years ago)

Thank you for the kind review, wherein you forthrightly and powerfully state that my book is "a very enjoyable read". (Would please put this statement in blinking, bold, beet-red 36 pt. italics? Thanks. You're a swell human being.)

I see you had the same problem I have when I am asked what the book is "about". I find I generally start out clarifying what the book isn't (a trail guide, a how-to book, an extended rhapsody on Nature And Its Gosh Darned Beautiousness) before I attempt any more accurate definition about what it is.

I'd agree with yours: it takes the reader on a hike with me. No prior hiking experience is required.

Thanks again.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 30 September 2005 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

Chris, for a niggling investment of your time, you may delve into the authoritative text, where you recognize many surprisingly tedious moments, suitable for deconstruction into tiny gritty particles - which might be emblematic of the human condition, or at least of the human condition when it is left unbathed for a week.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 30 September 2005 23:30 (nineteen years ago)

I've just read through a decent amount of what is up for the public and did not find the phrase "Oh, a squirrel" once. Although I did find something about "elk scat". And since Jaq mentions something about bear scat. You just have to work blue, don't you.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 1 October 2005 04:16 (nineteen years ago)

Notice I said "(of the "Oh, a squirrel" variety)", where the operative word is "variety". I didn't want to give the entire game away, you see.

― Jaq (Jaq), Saturday, 1 October 2005 18:38 (nineteen years ago)

Scatology is an underappreciated science.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 2 October 2005 18:28 (nineteen years ago)

three months pass...

I order it a few hours ago. how long does shipping take? I cant wait for it to arrive.

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Thursday, 12 January 2006 04:07 (nineteen years ago)

I guess it depends on how remote you are from the middle of California. Thank you. The Escape on Foot bandwagon has rolled several inches lately, giving me a several-inch thrill.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 12 January 2006 04:33 (nineteen years ago)

Then it shouldnt take very long at all.

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Thursday, 12 January 2006 07:00 (nineteen years ago)

I just ordered it too. We shall make of you a millionaire, and on your next hike you shall be borne by native bearers.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 12 January 2006 15:26 (nineteen years ago)

From your lips to god's ear, Beth.

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 12 January 2006 17:13 (nineteen years ago)

Referring to my statement above. I am assuming it take longer the closer you are to the middle of california. am i correct in assuming this?

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Friday, 13 January 2006 04:42 (nineteen years ago)

Well, they are based in San Leandro, California.

However, when you order the book it hasn't been printed or bound, yet. They require 3 working days from the time they get your order to the time your own personal copy is spewn out of their handy-dandy print-on-demand machine. Then a living person has to slobber on it, put it into a box, slap an address label on it, and convey it to a delivery truck, which no doubt is speeding to your dooorstep this very instant, by way of the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot.

Should arrive any week now.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 13 January 2006 05:05 (nineteen years ago)

It Arrived today, a few hours ago. Ripped the package open as soon as i got through the door. It was much more than i espected. Usually the bubble wrap can be taken out of the package along with the item it contains. But this bubble wrap was different. It seemed to be attached to the rest of the package, somehow. I had quit a time getting it open. Gave me ass load of trouble. The only thing that kept me from shredding way tooth and nail at the thing to get it open was the fact that this would have horribly mangled the book. It was quite an experiance.
As for how the book was, i haven't finished it yet. It is more than living up to my expectations. I will post a review once I finish it.

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Wednesday, 18 January 2006 05:36 (nineteen years ago)

You give new meaning to the term "a ripping tale".

― Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 18 January 2006 19:55 (nineteen years ago)

I shall take that as a compliment. Even if it was meant to be an insult, It has now been deemed a compliment. No matter what! It's a compliment. THANK YOU FOR THE GRACIOUS COMPLIMENT!

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Thursday, 19 January 2006 19:28 (nineteen years ago)

My god, you're easy! Can I borrow a twenty?

― Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 19 January 2006 20:39 (nineteen years ago)

Mine arrived today and I opened the package WITH THE UTMOST OF EASE.
It has already made me laugh out loud and read portions to my husband, who hopes, deludedly, that I will now get interested in camping.
I am an enthusiastic day hiker, as long as I don't have to carry anything. Carrying things=bad time for Beth (in a previous life, a delicate princess. In the current life, a rather coarse one).

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 20 January 2006 20:52 (nineteen years ago)

already made me laugh out loud

How strange. Whilst writing the book I never once laughed out loud. More often I sat there, dumbly, with a furrowed brow, hoping to fish something out of my brain that did not look like soggy newspaper.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 20 January 2006 22:58 (nineteen years ago)

Reading > Writing.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 20 January 2006 23:22 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, even humor writing can be a job. I edit and am main contributor (under a plethora of pen names—I'm sure no one suspects) for a humor/satire quarterly here, and sometimes I feel like I'm wringing out a tube of dried-up toothpaste. I'm thinking of changing the format to all poetry & drawings, since that's the roll I'm on. I'll never do it. Just like saying that.
My husband snatched your book from me and stood outside of my office exclaiming over the photos. He went to Evergreen and is very nostalgic over his long hikes around there. I need a camping clone.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 20 January 2006 23:35 (nineteen years ago)

I salute him as another 'Greener. 1978.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 20 January 2006 23:45 (nineteen years ago)

RJM also went to Evergreen, only for a quarter or so (fall 1976) before moving to the big city.

― Jaq (Jaq), Saturday, 21 January 2006 00:53 (nineteen years ago)

I salute you back. I'm eager to read your book, especially for the advertised elks. Did you ever hike the Quinalt or Ho River trails? I fondly recall being woken up at dawn in my sleeping bag beside the Enchanted Valley chalet by an elk washing my face with his/her tongue.
Are the Roosevelt elks in the Olympic Park the same ones in Oregon, or different?
And, did you know Craig Carlson, who taught poetry at Evergreen? (I graduated 1981)

― donald, Saturday, 21 January 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

Once you have been frontally licked by an elk, I presume all other elk stories must pall by comparison. The elks in question are quite similar to the Roosevelt elks. Those in my book, however, are Rocky Mountain elks. Elk experts tend to exagerate the differences between them, as this plays right into their master plan to pick up more women. Elk laiety, such as I, tend to lump all elk together as practically indistinguishable.

I have hiked the Enchanted Valley trail which trails up the Quinalt River, IIRC. I was very young and unforgivable at the time, still in high school.

I'm afraid I can give you no satisfaction in regard to Craig Carlson. I apologize. Many memories of that time have blurred beyond recall. I know I took no courses from him. My loss, I expect.

― Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 21 January 2006 01:15 (nineteen years ago)

I read that initially as "I was very young and unforgiveably high at the time..." which is just me, blurring the line between your hike and mine (but I wasn't high when I was so gently awoken)

― Donald, Saturday, 21 January 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

I wrested the book away from Donald and devoured it. I found the day to day-ness of it a great pleasure—the way you got into the rhythm of writing it, much as you got into the rhythm of the hike. I like the way the laugh-out-loud jokiness of the beginning gave way to a more generalized humor/awe-infused worldview, or at least mountain-view. I had to hoot, though, at the other-side-of-the-saddle predicament.
It almost made me want to go on a hike, though the process of shucking your civilian-self is very similar to the shorter-cycle thing I experience on day hikes, or even long winter beach walks with the dog. I HATE running into people, which is why I love to walk in freezing weather. Freezing weather does the same thing that remote location does. Keeps 'em away. Plus my dog is rude to other dogs sometimes—a lot of empty posturing, even though he's 14 years old. I don't need that kind of embarrassment when I'm trying to commune with the fucking sunset!!!!
So, why does your wife not break your legs to keep you in sight? How can she stand it? You would have to put me on heavy doses of antianxiety meds if my husband went waltzing out alone in bearland. Myself, I feel all self-congratulatory if I'm okay with his occasionally going to a PARTY without me.
On a technical note, how about helium-cell anti-gravity sleeping bags that actually make your pack lighter? Get on it, Campmor!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 30 January 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

Your pleasure in it gives me great pleasure. Thanks!

As for my wife - ahem - 'letting me' waltz around in bear country, after much patient exposition I was able to convince her that making me miserable and wretched by preventing me from a pursuit I love almost as much as life itself was going to be a bad bargain in the end, because she would have to sleep, eat and converse with a miserable wretch for the term of her natural life, as opposed to her merely being anxious for a couple of weeks a year. Since this POV did not occur to her naturally (her anxiety was more immediate and compelling to her than my misery was), it took a while for the natural justice of this idea to sink in.

In truth, ordinary black bears are far less of a hazard to hikers than the simple problem of getting cold, becoming hypothermic and dying, which happens regularly to both experts and novices alike, whereas nobody has been killed by a bear in Oregon for more than a century. It is just that bears encounters are much more dramatic and thrilling than sitting down and never getting back up.

Plus, I am able to make the argument, with good justification, that I am quite fond of my skin, bones, musces and blood, and I can be relied upon to do everything reason might suggest would preserve them from undue inconvenience, let alone actual harm. IOW, I am exceptionally safety-minded when I hike alone. It has kept me in one piece this long, and I don't suffer from either bravado or overconfidence. The very fact that I can chicken out without witnesses is a blessing, really.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 30 January 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

My mother was able to counsel herself out of her fear of flying with the same type of argument. After all, the pilot doesn't want to die, either.
We hope.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 30 January 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

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