Aldo reads DC's New 52 (So you don't have to)

Legion of Super-Heroes W: Paul Levitz A: Francis Portela

I'll stan for LoSH any day, but seriously, this could have been published at any point from 1980 onwards. If you like LoSH you'll like this. If you don't then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. It's got crap jokes, a great team dynamic and a vaguely engaging plot. Vaguely engaging doesn't sound like a good thing but in LoSH it kind of is. As in Legion Lost you just get carried along with the swing of the thing and go with it.

Am I a fanboy?

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6167/6181144050_04889c4341.jpg

Yes, yes I am a fanboy. I suspect if you're not you won't like this. I DON'T CARE.

Nightwing #1 W: Kyle Higgins P: Eddy Barrows I: JP Mayer

Oh, KyleHigginspaws. So let me get this straight - in the five years since Batman appeared (according to Justice League) Dick's parents have died, he's become Bruce's ward and been both Robin and Batman? This new continuity thing isn't really working for you, is it. Also, get one Urban Dictionary:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6162/6180694167_87a8bee377.jpg

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=catcher

FRED WERTHAM WAS RIGHT!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/77/Batbed.png

Quibbles apart, this is a really solid Batbook. The scripting is sound while being slightly GRITTY and the art has a real fluidity to it that you need for the sort of motion that's trying to be captured here. Yes, it pulls the old 'repeat the image in the same panel to show movement' trick but is that really a problem? Worth reading, worth staying with for now.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6170/6181217120_747e441fa6_z.jpg

I'm apprehensive to, because I know what's up next. But here we go...

Red Hood and the Outlaws #1 W: Scott Lobdell A: Kenneth Rocafort

Oh boy. This is the post where I admit that although I think his whole schtick about the way women are portrayed in comics is far too broadbrush and simplistic, just this once I ABSOLUTELY see where he's coming from.

This is a horrible, HORRIBLE piece of misogynistic crap. Starfire is in it for no reason other than to provide a teenage boy's wank fantasy on every page she appears, and is contorted into ridiculous poses to push her tits or arse into the reader's face - because let's face it, she has to be posing for somebody, right? I mean, wtf is this about?

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6152/6180775895_40b94f8cdd_z.jpg

I tell a lie, she is there for another reason - to have sex with the main characters.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6173/6181277628_fe57e8861a_z.jpg

In fact, it's established she's had sex with nearly everybody in the DCU, but that's OK because "Tamaraneans don't see humans as much humans as much more than sights and smells." So basically, casual sex is the order of the day and you're just a conquest she can't recall as part of an animal process. "You don't remember anyone named Dick?" "No."

Lobdell has gone for Deadpool Max with the script and very nearly pulls it off, but I just feel dirty and appalled by the whole thing. I really don't want to touch any of the rest of these, but know I'll be drawn back like a car crash. You all NEED to read this, just to show you how wrong it's possible to get things.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6164/6181277540_cf7a694db2_z.jpg

No, you're confusing that with you being a giant bell-end, Scott Lobdell. I want lettuce in my refrigerator, not women.

Just to ram the above point home (as it were), Scott Lobdell is interviewed in the back of every book published this week. He's asked what his favourite page is in the issue and this is his choice:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6163/6180754167_246071de91_z.jpg

Not one with snappy dialogue, not one that drives the plot forward, not one with a good joke, but one you can have a nice relaxing wank over.

"Kori just stepping out of the ocean, just basking in the sunshine. I love the joy on her face. The people of this planet may not want here here.. but God, how she loves this place." Joy? Where? Go and wash your hands, you pervert.

Supergirl #1 W: Michael Green/Mike Johnson P: Mahmud Asrar I: "Dan Green with Asrar"

There have been some weird costumes in the reboot, but none to compare to this. Seriously, wtf if going on with these boots?

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6155/6180830995_8dcbec4571_z.jpg

In a world where Superman now has kneepads (presumably because he needs them), Supergirl's boots deliberately avoid knee protection? It's probably something to do with female Kryptonian skin being toghter than the men's in various places, and when it's revealed that Superman also wears a chest-plate then Power Girl's costume will finally make sense.

http://www.comicsbulletin.com/features/images/100915/pgbust.jpg

I guess this is a typical LOST ALIUM DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON OH NOES intro story and I don't hate it. I don't particularly like it either, but there isn't anything individual enough about the story to judge it as yet.

http://www.abcpastor.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/whats-next.jpg

holy shit how many boobs, DC? how many boobs??

Wonder Woman #1 W: Brian Azzarello A: Cliff Chiang

Aldo's book of the week, in an admittedly pretty shitty week but that doesn't mean this isn't any good

I read an interview with Brian Azzarello before this started where he said we had to think of his version of Wonder Woman as a horror book and not a hero book. Now I was no fan of his Hellblazer run, so this worried me, but you know what? I GET IT completely.

Show me a regular hero book where people cut the heads off horses to make centaurs. YOU CAN'T, CAN YOU?

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6155/6181406702_3ebceb4125_z.jpg

This is a fantastically worked piece of fiction, reconstructing the Gods of Olympus as the fantastic creatures they SHOULD be - I mean, Zeus convinced Leda to have sex with him by disguising himself as a swan. A SWAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. So in this book we have Hermes looking more like a winged messenger than anyone's ever captured him before, and expressions of raw, unbridled power.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6165/6181406908_a8531cab94_z.jpg

I didn't like the cover, thought it was too stylised, but over the course of the book the art really grows on you. Yes, there are arguably similarities with Guy Arcudi and some of the other Hellboy universe artists but Cliff Chiang pulls it off really well.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6154/6181406840_491e580b49_z.jpg

BUY THIS BOOK. I can't stress it enough. The highlight of the relaunch. Bet it gets cancelled soon.

http://papercutz.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/img_1106-225x300.jpg

"I love the joy on his face. The people of this planet may not want him here..."

Comic Book Resources has a good recap of the thing, including the Catwoman softcore
http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/2011/09/dcs-push-for-the-new-52-this-is-a-catwoman-for-2011/

but it's best summed up in this webcomic
http://i.imgur.com/VBZqw.png

on one hand it is kinda gross, especially for books that are supposed to be for kids and mainstream audiences. otoh, i find it kinda hilarious

apparently this was the original illustration before, i guess, DC forced them to change it http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/red-hood-outlaws-original.jpg

um, is her nipple shaped like a heart?

haha, clever way to "deflect" i guess..

i can't make my nipple into a heart

Haha, that's awesome.

wtf is wrong with these people?

http://emmetreads.tumblr.com/post/9552604527/if-youve-read-his-work-youll-know-what-im-talking

If you want to write good superhero comics, please do more than read superhero comics and play videogames.

So very otm.

Given this new information, I have to express some disappointment at the relative dearth of characters turning one another into babies in Geoff Johns books.

Thank you for the OMAC rec, I wasn't going to get it originally and ended up enjoying it--a good romp! I hope you survive this week, there were some real pieces of poop. :(

UPDATES:

David Finch failed to get even the first issue of The Dark Knight out with the solicited credits, and Paul Jenkins is writing.*

George Perez gone from Superman as writer/layouts with issue #7, replaced by the Giffen/Jurgens writing/pencilling team that also replaced the Green Arrow writer.

*I actually remembered to pick it up and check the credits for this thread, while in the shop buying Love & Rockets, Roger Langridge's Snarked, and Simpsons comics by Evan Dorkin and Ty Templeton

I fully expect Giffen/Jurgens to be producing 80% of DC Comics by next summer.

All Star Western #1 W: Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti A: Moritat

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I was buying Jonah Hex up till the end, and for one simple reason - it was the most consistently good books that DC were publishing. And so it is with All Star Western, which is the same book retitled, for better or worse. As before, the artists rotate with each minor storyline but the writing core is constant.

So, to the plot.

http://cdn.comicartfans.com/Images/Category_2044/subcat_6119/Mignola%20Gotham%20by%20Gaslight%20promo.jpg

I'm being unfair. But it's not hard to draw comparisons, especially (arguably) as Gotham By Gaslight was retconned out of Elseworlds and into the DCU during Countdown.

Putting that aside, this is as well written as ever and is thoroughly recommended to all. The relationship between Amadeus Arkham and Jonah is superbly done and if this panel isn't leading up to a Lovecraftian reveal in future weeks I will be really disappointed:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6155/6200275478_7bfe96651c_z.jpg

It's not all future seeding either, the plot actually in the issue in hand bowls along splendidly and damn, if this isn't the most thrilling panel all week:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6143/6199763737_a32a705fc3.jpg

See you next time. You should be reading this book (but then you should have been reading it before).

Aquaman #1 W: Geoff Johns P: Ivan Reis I: Joe Prado

In an amazing twist of fate, not only is Aquaman my MUST BUY book this week but a fucking GEOFF JOHNS BOOK is my Must Buy book this week

No pictures, t0rr3nt is fuxored.

Seriously, I'm not kidding. This is great. There's an extended story running through the middle about how Aquaman is the laughing stock of, basically, the world and the whole sequence with Aquaman in the fish restraurant is frankly hilarious. I'm not sure about how good The Trench will be as a Big Bad, as they look all a bit too Johnsy, but (and this is a big shout) the middle 2/3 of the book is as good as this:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6180/6199783817_ccd4344004_z.jpg
http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6030/6199784635_947026109f_z.jpg

Stranger things have happened, but I'm struggling to think of one. Superb.

David Finch's Batman The Dark Knight#1 W: Paul Jenkins P: David Finch I: Richard Friend

WELL AT LEAST IT CAME OUT.

And talking of coming out...

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6174/6199763827_1b5dce97d1.jpg

Holy Dancehall Slang, Batman! The Gay Agendar strikes again! Is there some kind of subversive plot at DC to play up the homosexual subtext in all the Batbooks? I really can't tell any more.

Anyway, the last Batbook of the relaunch is pretty standard fare although the conclusion is pretty great. What isn't so great, or indeed understandable, is why DiDio (and we must presume Johns) place so much faith in the talents of David Finch's Batman The Dark Knight's David Finch to produce work on time or even why they rate him. I mean he's not so much touched by the hand of Jim Lee as rubbed all over by the hand of Jim Lee sufficiently hard that the fingerprints have disappeared and they share DNA. Take this as an example:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6156/6199763771_551d4c8cd7_z.jpg

But that isn't even the worst of it. This page shows some of the worst anatomy since the relaunch. HIS CALF IS BIGGER THAN HIS THIGH.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6155/6199763803_57d24e0de6_z.jpg

Yes. Yes that's exactly the quality of artist that you should make the focus of the New DC. FUCK YOU DIDIO.

(Despite the art, I liked this.)

Blackhawks #1 W: Mike Costa Layouts: Graham Nolan Finisher: Ken Lashley

This is far and away the most traditional 'modern' book of the relaunch - it could be any one of dozens of mid-90s team books - but it's as entertaining now as it would have been at the time.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6159/6199933119_d1ee6d6130.jpg

It's kind of odd though, it feels old and still quite new. There's a kind of clumsy feel to the updating that's gone on, and it wants to be a Cold War plot in places.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6178/6200445912_7384eb7530.jpg

They have spies everywhere though - they can even see me doing this!

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6135/6200445964_c43e200891.jpg

I can't really think of anything to add as this is such a nothing book. We'll wait and see how the next couple of months pan out, but this is hovering over the precipice of being cut.

The Flash #1 W: Francis Manapul & Brian Buccellato A: Francis Manapul

In a bizarre turn of events, more than one book this month has made me think of the two Bizarro hardbacks, and for this one it's this story:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6168/6200506869_e4b2c9bab9_z.jpg

OK, there's more JRJr in this book, but am I the only one that sees it in the layouts?

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6161/6201020878_227154189f_z.jpg

Given that this is supposed to be the Barry Allen Universe I kind of expected something different, like for him to have remembered himself to be fantastically rich or something as well as being the Flash because that's kind of what we'd all do I think. And part of it feels ripped off from Portal: No Escape:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4drucg1A6Xk

Anyhoo, the setup is good, the plot rattles along and the cliffhanger leaves you wanting to read the next issue straight away - which can't be a bad thing.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6165/6200509529_2a989e0e85_z.jpg

Nothing to criticise here really although perhaps not that memorable. But then he is the FASTEST MAN ALIVE so maybe we shouldn't be surprised that it's a speedy read.

The Fury of Firestorm: The Nuclear Men #1 W: Ethan van Sciver & Gail Simone A: Yildiray Cinar

I used to love Firestorm back when I was younger and held high hopes for this, given it's being written by the closest they have to A-list talent, but the reality doesn't nearly meet up to expectations. The terrorist plot is far too violent for the rest of the book, and the whole idea of having two of them seems to just be to encourage childish taunts

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6174/6200576907_16e9a4b7b6_z.jpg

and to make it DC's OMG RACISTS ARE RACIST AND YOU ARE ALL RACISTS DO YOU SEE!!1!!ELEVEN! book of the week.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6162/6200576685_949d706333.jpg

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6175/6201088846_8471e31233.jpg

So whereas it's not as awful as, say, either of the JT Krul books it's not actually much cop either. I think we need to see where the Fury plot goes in #2 before making judgement.

Green Lantern New Guardians #1 W: Tony Bedard P: Tyler Kirkham I: Batt

I don't know what Tony Bedard has done to deserve this, but he has the unenviable task of INTRODUCING Kyle Rayner as a new character and integrating him into the Johns GL Universe. I mean, how does that even work? Everything from GL over the past 10 years or so all happened EXCEPT Kyle Rayner being a Lantern? GEOFF JOHNS I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU (except when you're writing Aquaman) but I HATE DIDIO MORE (except when he's writing OMAC).

So, we're now in the position where we're supposed to remember everything from recent continuity, even the stuff Barry Allen could never have known about, except when we're not. OR ARE WE? What we really need here is some kind of editor, preferably somebody who has a lot of experience as one - maybe they're Executive Editor of a company or something - to oversee the whole thing and make sure it makes sense... OH WAIT. So fair play to Tony Bedard then, who sends a firm message to Johns and DiDio:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6139/6201217908_daf41b1e71_z.jpg

He even takes time out to slag off the bag of shit he's been given.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6166/6200707197_bbea0236b5_z.jpg

DESPITE THIS, HE HAS PROBABLY PRODUCED THE BEST GL BOOK OF THE REBOOT. It's cute and funny and has a plot and is FUN although the art really does bite JRJr:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6153/6201217990_f594d9053a_z.jpg

Still, A for effort, one and a half thumbs up.

So there's no Green Lantern Corps comic in the rebooted universe? Fuck that shit, the only reason I cared about the new Green Lantern stuff was GLC. The alien Green Lanterns were much more interesting than the human ones, except for Guy Gardner (who was prominent in GLC).

Yes, there's a Green Lantern Corps comic, it was published last week and see what I said about it upthread.

I, Vampire #1 W: Joshua Hale Fialkov A: Andrea Sorrentino

Obscure? A character who ran for 24 issues as a third backup story in an anthology book?

Well, from what history exists it's pretty clear this is entirely within the established continuity of I, Vampire just rebooted into (possibly) the current day. But that and daft names aside (Mary Queen of Blood is just STUPID) this is a lovely, lovely piece of work.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6131/6202873383_64e8b35ab2.jpg

The story tells the interlinked story of Andrew (the titular hero) and Mary and Andrew's fight against the army of vampires. It arguably doesn't move nearly fast enough for your bog standard hero comic, or indeed for a Buffy or Twilight reader/viewer if it was hoping to bring them in, but the pace is just fine for me thanks and is sufficiently plotted that panels like this work perfectly:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6122/6202873425_d8d36cc23b_z.jpg

As you might have guessed from the above, this book is gorgeous. It guess it's most reminiscent of Moonshadow, but I think I can see P Craig Russell in there as well. And Mignola and/or Guy Davis to a degree. But a triumph nonetheless.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6179/6202873367_2881262349.jpg

This is exactly the sort of venture we should be rewarding DC for. Just buy it.

Justice League Dark #1 W: Peter Milligan A: Mikel Janin

Yes, the title of this book is stupid. But if DC want to call their supernatural line 'Dark' then it's up to them and so the title is what it is. What we should instead be considering is how good it is - which is pretty good. It's the most successful of the Justice League titles, probably not least because it lets Peter Milligan play with Shade The Changing Man again.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6124/6202962539_4826b8e7d7.jpg

But it's not all about Shade. We establish why the regular Justice League can't do it:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6165/6203477470_ba36fb4fe5.jpg

then it's in with the NOT QUITE VERTIGO League.

I think that's maybe the biggest problem this book has is that it's a big team and they're all essentially 'new' characters in that non-Vertigo readers won't be that familiar with them - without even going near the fact that Vertigo is still sort of ongoing so we have two Constantines running about (or do we?). And because of the size of the team the book doesn't really get going.

In its favour though, it still gets going much better than the other JL books - especially Justice League - and pulls off what it tries to with an appropriate level of Vertigo quirkiness.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6001/6202962585_ccd597855e.jpg

So a curate's egg then and one that maybe only gets credit for being better than its peers, but worth buying for the moment.

The Savage Hawkman #1 W: Tony S Daniel A: Philip Tan

New Universe, New Old Hawkman. Carter Hall dons the wings of Nth Metal once more, although for the vast majority of this book he seems to be desperate to forget it all and just get on with his regular job.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6007/6203034509_27ef8b31d8_z.jpg

I was prepared to give Tony Daniel some latitude, because I enjoyed the writing on Detective, but this is pretty much a mess. Firstly, it features an 'enemy from the dawn of time' (which, as people might have read on other threads, is exactly what I hated the most one of the things I found particularly objectionable about Russell T Davies' Award Winning Doctor Who tm) and secondly because the dialogue is this bad:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6166/6203033879_360bb424de_z.jpg

Even Philip Tan's artwork, which I've liked in the past, is reduced to a smear on these pages with little more than expressions of colour and motion which although it could conceivably be A THING is not his intention I'm sure.

I'd rather be reading this Hawkman:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6171/6203549844_d8f842a79d_z.jpg

I'll see it to #3, but it's not much better than either of the JT Krul books.

Superman #1 Writer & Breakdowns: George Perez Pencils & Inks: Jesus Merino

Words. So many words. And more words. And exposition. And words.

It's no real wonder Perez has to do breakdowns on this because it's just so cluttered with dialogue and explanation. I would show you, but my t0rr3nt hasn't worked for this either which is probably just as well as the weight of text would most likely crash the ILX server.

And that's why the book isn't any good. It's too wordy and too cluttered and just doesn't work. George Perez will be on this longer than me, and he's announced #6 is his last.

Teen Titans #1 W: Scott Lobdell P: Brett Booth I: Norm Rapmund

Another formation story, but with added brattiness. I'm getting totally sick of origin stories but this just about pulls it off by virtue of the sheer likability of the characters - or at least Kid Flash and Red Robin - against clunky dialogue and tortured breakdowns, specifically once Wonder Girl turns up.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6153/6203266467_5ceee5dd59_z.jpg

This is much better than Red Hood, but that's not exactly setting it a challenge. But is it better than Batfink?

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6157/6203782174_f529c020c0.jpg

NO.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6012/6203782206_a1f0d8fb72_z.jpg

But there's enough good will generated in the Kid Flash section to keep me reading for now. A solid C.

Voodoo #1 W: Ron Marz A: Sami Basri

Hooray! Another female exploitation comic!

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6141/6203824724_727d7bfd0a_z.jpg

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6140/6203824792_1a1fbe2df4_z.jpg

Except I don't, because although the setting of this (a strip club) is kind of badly chosen there's no evidence it's going to continue beyond this issue. And purely on that basis I'm going to give it a free ride. Let's just call this the Cheesecake Issue and get over it. Because the investigator plot and panels like this make me want to believe this can be good:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6163/6203309287_4e8809e08e_z.jpg

Let's just forget 80% of this existed and move forward.

So, at the end of month 1 the tally is as follows:

The Good

Action
Animal Man
Justice League International
OMAC
Swamp Thing
Batwoman
Demon Knights
Legion Lost
Suicide Squad
Batman - yes, I know I have changed my mind about this
Legion of Super Heroes
Nightwing
Wonder Woman
All Star Western
Aquaman
Flash
I, Vampire
Justice League Dark

The Undecided

Justice League
Batgirl
Batwing
Detective
Men of War
Stormwatch
Batman & Robin
Frankenstein
Grifter
Red Lanterns
Superboy
Birds of Prey
DCU Presents
Green Lantern Corps
Supergirl
David Finch's Batman The Dark Knight
Blackhawks
Firestorm
Green Lantern New Guardians
Savage Hawkman
Teen Titans
Voodoo

The Cut Already

Green Arrow
Static Shock
Deathstroke
Green Lantern
Mister Terrific
Resurrection Man
Blue Beetle
Catwoman
Superman

The Car Crash

Hawk & Dove
Captain Atom
Red Hood and the Outlaws

The thing about Voodoo is that the character was a stripper before she got pulled into WildCATs so they're just working with the source material there.

In which case, no problems with it. Still not completely engaging though.

Is there an upper tier of "goods" that rate as must reads just yet?

OMAC, Batwoman, Suicide Squad, Batman, Wonder Woman, All Star Western, Aquaman, I Vampire IMO.

I think in Voodoo's solo series she was a mystery-solving stripper, so it may not be going away? I never read it tbh, I was always a Stormwatch/Authority dude rather than WildCATs/Gen13

The last page implies, to me at least, that the stripper plot is done.

Interesting to hear about I, Vampire - lame title, I wouldn't have even thought about it.

i couldn't finish it. was too boring.

Jonah Hex in Gotham! Amadeus Arkham!

SATURDAY!

Didio says on Facebook that none of the Crises ever happened.

MONDAY!

After it is pointed out that several of the already-published #1s alone refer to prior Crises, such as Bruce Wayne being thrown back in time at the end of FC, Didio announces that, fuck, I dunno, maybe some of them have happened, we'll figure it out as we go along, I haven't read them, just because we said we were planning this for a year doesn't mean we actually worked anything out in advance, I guess the writers can decide what did or didn't happen as they need to in writing their individual books, JESUS this is what I get for answering a question on Facebook BEFORE I'D HAD MY FUCKING DINNER you JACKALS

THURSDAY!

The grotesquely pandering promo guff in the back of new issues, written to their intended 18-35yo male audience as through they're infinitely dumber than the actual 8-15yo audience that Dick Giordano's columns were in 1984, announces a new JUSTICE SOCIETY series by James Robinson and Nicola Scott that TAKES PLACE ON EARTH-2, starring Earth-2 Huntress. That's the daughter of Retired Earth-2 Batman and Evening Gown Earth-2 Catwoman. Who was created in 1977 and erased from history in 1985. AHOY, NEW READERS!!! They also breathlessly suggest that you study the new Huntress miniseries, by original 1977 creator Paul Levitz, for exciting clues about how this retroactive coil of insular arse-inspection is going to tie into the exciting all-new rebooted universe, true believers!

Oh god this is the clusterfuck of all clusterfucks

I can't even make a joke about how stupid that is.

wait, this really happened? seriously?