Aldo reads DC's New 52 (So you don't have to)

Hahaha

that's kinda great.

yeah that's good, and Alan Scott's being "gay now" is for dumb enough reasons that it's a notable observation

Batgirl #0: In a textbook case of MISSING THE POINT, Gail Simone uses an origin issue to side-step the story that still has to be told (how Babs got her groove back after The Killing Joke) and instead gives us a story about how she first put on a Bat-suit. Skirting past the obvious new continuity problems the script causes (so James Jr now knows she's Batgirl, right?), this is just an indulgent episode of Gail's teen-feminism schtick - the bad guy who forces her into the suit for the first time may or may not be exploiting Eastern European teenage girls into prostitution and/or murder (I say may not as he's rescued by a group of young girls who seem in his thrall, because as we know in Gail's universe only women have the ability to be real characters in the plot), Babs puts on the suit because she has to protect her little brother because she's the 'woman of the house' since their dad left, Babs is secretly in love with her dad, Babs uses her feminine wiles to get to see things she shouldn't be able to because she is naturally more clever than everything else because they're only men DO YOU SEE. It's utterly wearying and it's a blessed relief when the last page turns up. Even if it does tease The Killing Joke. Then the Who's Who page directly contradicts what we've just seen. How much do DC's editors get paid?

Batman #0: Basically, a rooftop conversation between Bruce and Gordon where Gordon lets him know he thinks he's the new vigilante running about. But it's definitely much more - the Red Hood bank job is clearly a nod back to the original, and may link into a Joker origin in coming months. Snyder has talked/trailed something that could be a Death In The Family reboot so it makes sense that he would build it from the ground up. A good, solid filler then with a backup story that basically gives us the origins of all the Johnsiverse Robins in 6 pages. Compact and efficient storytelling definitely has a place in the New DC and more writers could learn from this short piece.

Batman & Robin #0: I guess this is just a retelling of GMoz's version of Damian's childhood with Talia, but you know what the problem is with this? This image:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8174/7991612660_70bf5e55f9_z.jpg

Cute, yes, but if he's 10 at the time he meets Batman (on the final page) and he's about 2 or 3 in that picture then Talia had a Batman suit at least three years BEFORE BRUCE BECAME BATMAN. Sort it out, please. Somebody?

Deathstroke #0: The first thing we can gather from this is that Rob's seen Captain America: The First Avenger because he's ripped off the plot totally for this. Although the US Army hasn't changed between WWII and whenever this is supposed to be set (although it actually does refer to WWII, so maybe they're all time travellers as well). I love the idea that someone tries to kill Deathstroke's wife and son and this sole act (despite the fact she knows what he does for a living, and was in the Army, and was a key part of running the super-soldier programme and Team 7, and trained Deathstroke in the first place although "birthing two children had slowed me down") is enough for the two of them to become anti-Deathstroke super-villains. But where Rob really pulls it out of the bag here is with his artwork. I could paste almost every page, but let's look at some of the best ever versions of the best ever Rob tropes:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8308/7991761545_3c246ac341_o.jpg

Can anybody work out where this woman's hips are?

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8444/7991761483_e32e826ecf_o.jpg

It's a mutant baby! Look at the shape of it's head! (Actually, there is other visual evidence on the same page that Rob's model was Uatu The Watcher.)

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8317/7991771690_2071773664_o.jpg

A gun with no trigger. Or, as we call it, a stick.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8170/7991771606_d40723e44d.jpg

Weird torso lines, stretchy groin, heroic poses, what Rob thinks US Army issued boots look like.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8171/7991761103_2806ccca72.jpg

Gun with trigger but missing fingers. Swords, pouches, bad feet. Oh, and a missing leg.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8319/7991771150_f16e291023_o.jpg

Someone being shot by said gun. Which is where? Deathstroke's hands are nearly through the guy's back, never mind the gun.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8031/7991771082_3aa9347d13.jpg

Heroic floating and/or invisible platform.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8447/7991771300_8ab4243b90.jpg

Deathstroke's cameltoe bends the rules of perspective.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8031/7991760947_5ee4dfe38d.jpg

Where to start. Extra finger, no gun butt, no sense of how projectile weapons work.

INVISIBLE MOTORBIKE.

I'd love to think this is a big fuck you from Rob to DiDio. But the real truth is he's been able to become a millionaire and draws as badly as this. A lesson for all of us.

Demon Knights #0: Hmm. Etrigan was now one of the great demons of Hell, who basically only got that way because Lucifer took the piss out of his speech impediment. Well, that's a retelling and a half. Still, it's well written and consistent with the book as it's written in the Johnsiverse. Which makes it head and shoulders above most of the rest of this shite.

Frankenstein #0: Frankenstein is explained as the actual Frankenstein's monster from the book, only with Victor as a LoEG type chap and some Aztec/Mayan type Amazon Indians having told him the secret to being alive. That makes it all so much better then, doesn't it. Or at least it does when you punch it. That's makes everything great.

GLC #0: Guy Gardner got picked as a Green Lantern because he's a dick, it appears. Did we really need 20 pages of comics to tell us that? Plus he has daddy issues. Like everyone else in the Johnsiverse. Still, his jacket shows he's a rebel and a biker. No, really, he willed it into being solely for that reason. Makes you glad to be alive, doesn't it?

Grifter #0: VERY NEARLY CONTENT-FREE. A couple of panels per page very nearly tells the story of how Grifter forgot he was Daemonite Jesus and ended up in #1. I say nearly, because this wins the award of laziest book Rob Liefeld ever did for DC. And that's some claim.

Legion Lost #0: Timber Wolf's origin is the same as it was before. So this is 20 pages of telling a story we've heard before. Which probably makes sense as the origin of Legion Lost was in #1 and retelling the same story within a year is probably taking the piss slightly too much. Although that hasn't stopped Rob L.

Resurrection Man #0: THE END. It turns out Deathstroke did it. (Not really, it turns out that like in Doctor Who there was a spare arm that had the same sort of healing abilities as the main body and then ended up becoming a thing all of its own - although in this case it had actual magic powers and a whole different personality). A magic demon turns up and kills bad Mitch then transports good mitch to a detective's office where he can work with some other people from the SUPER SECRET BASE as detectives in the future if it ever gets renewed. Unlikely as that seems.

Suicide Squad #0: Contains no actual Suicide Squad content. The story of how The Wall left Team 7, which somehow (with no explanation) gives her the inspiration to start the Squad. It's competently enough written (although the differing height of her top means there is often BEWB/NO BEWB contradiction between panels on the same page) but not what it's supposed to be.

Superboy #0: Since the origin of this Superboy was told over the first three or four issues of the series, so instead we get a story about how Kryptonians were always building clones to do their domestic work and they revolted so it isn't really surprising that this one (being the first Kryptonian/human hybrid) was born with Universe-punching tendencies. And he has a big secret about who the human DNA has come from, but OH NOES THEY GUY WHO IS TELLING HIM IS DEADED! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we've run out of plot so let's reprint some of the stuff from the first 4 books to pad it out. Despite this, a pretty engaging and fun read.

Team 7 #0: Having had their living story told in Deathstroke #0 and Suicide Squad #0, we now get their founding story. In short, they were set up as DC's version of The Boys at the time of Justice League #1 or thereabouts. We can tell this for two reasons - there's an image of Superman in costume which makes it post-Action, and there's a helpful caption which tells us it's 5 years ago. I'm sure it's not going to be like The Boys, but it has an identical concept. But that isn't the problem. The problem is the people who are in Team 7. We get Waller and Deathstroke. We get Grifter, the old Justice Society Black Canary (plus the guy who she must get married to between this and the start of Birds of Prey) and three new characters. The fittest and best of these, who is stronger and fitter than anyone else in Team 7 according to the dialogue, will be the one that ends up in a mecha suit. Obviously. But that isn't my biggest problem with the title. Which is that Fairchild's dad is there as well, and makes
reference to the fact she wants to be a doctor but is clearly a child from the way he talks about her. So how does she manage to become a successful doctor in charge of a secret programme in five short years? Really, who knows. We've had a time-travelling bat cloak already this month.

Ravagers #0: Or, how Beast Boy and Terra came to be in the Johnsiverse. Fairly predictably, it turns out they were genetic experiments by Harvest - the bad guy we've already forgotten about from The Culling, which we've already forgotten about as well - and the success of these two give him the idea for the whole of his Ravagers/Culling thing. But somewhat inevitably it turns out all his genetic tinkering did was awoke Beast Boy's connection with The Red which means he is an avatar of sorts. STOP IT. RIGHT NOW. This contradicts everything you've just told us in Animal Man, and also means if this doesn't cross over into Rot World (which it doesn't) that neither The Red or The Rot are very attentive. Although probably moreso than DC editors. I mean the Who's Who bit at the end has Fairchild as a doctor in N.O.W.H.E.R.E. at this point, meaning Team 7 #0 doesn't take place when it's supposed to do. MY KINGDOM FOR AN EDITOR.

AAAARGH

This is the INVISIBLE MOTORBIKE:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8435/7991761245_996eaf6aa5.jpg

Cute, yes, but if he's 10 at the time he meets Batman (on the final page) and he's about 2 or 3 in that picture then Talia had a Batman suit at least three years BEFORE BRUCE BECAME BATMAN. Sort it out, please. Somebody?

ha ha ha ha oh nu52-paws

the Liefeld art becomes more amazing when you see that blog that shows how every second panel is a straight swipe from the Perez vers

seriously, I've had no interest in Deathstroke whatsoever but everything I read about Liefeld's version just seems to be the funniest thing

also what kind of shambles must DC editorial be in if they managed to chase Rob away?

Oh god, I just looked at that blog. In a way, I guess it's good that the comics industry keeps giving Liefeld work. God only knows how his sociopathic tendencies would manifest otherwise.

Pretty much every witness account I've read says Leifeld's a chill and good-natured dude in real life. Sure he's a talentless hack and a swiper, but I don't see how that equates with "sociopathic tendencies"?

Those swipes are stunning. Wow.

the staggering lack of self-awareness combined with the cheerful demeanor points to something

xxpost

The dude is the Carlos Mencia of the comics world. I'm no clinician, but yeah, I think there's a personality disorder of some kind at work. Although the industry is inarguably complicit, so the onus isn't on him entirely.

I don't think "figuring out how to make googobs of money for the least amount of effort possible" is a personality disorder

I would imagine that meeting and talking to Liefeld in 2012 is nearly the same experience as doing so in 1990, he seems like a pretty consistent dude. Also, friendly and charismatic?

I don't think all of Rob's ideas are terrible; I mean he created Deadpool*. It's just... he can't execute on them. Every great character he's had a hand in creating has been made great by other people writing them.

* would also namecheck Cable, Feral, Shatterstar and a few others but I know they have massive detractor bases; I think Deadpool is his biggest unambiguous "success"

xpost

The fact that we live in a society (and that Liefeld works in an industry) that so often rewards sociopathic behavior doesn't make those tendencies any less pathological.

but... wasn't his Deadpool not nearly as jokey and was just another dude shooting at crap after the introduction of Cable? I think all the characterization came later.

I really don't think being a smiley terrible artist is sociopathic behavior

but... wasn't his Deadpool not nearly as jokey and was just another dude shooting at crap after the introduction of Cable? I think all the characterization came later.

hence "he can't execute"

will say though that Deadpool is easily his best character design (even if it's sort of "hey if I draw Spiderman like THIS he looks like a cool merc")

I was going to say, I thought the design was purely Spider-Man + Deathstroke minus any nuances in the costume and a bunch of pockets and pouches added

I just have to say, Shazam the fuck? How do you take classic, iconic Shazam and fuck him up this badly? I didn't read it, but just flipping through it hurt my brain. Head to toe pile of suck. Those boots! The hoodie cape! UGH!

Batwoman #0: Kate's childhood and path to becoming Batwoman told in a momentary flashback during the death of Beth in one of the previous issues. It's entertaining enough, if very wordy (which in itself is one fo the inherent problems because, well, there's a more pressing reason for buying JH Williams books) but it just feels desperately unoriginal. It's a story I feel like I've read 1000 times before and don't feel I need to read again at the end of the day. Blah blah overbearing military father blah blah badly chosen life partners blah blah substance abuse - how is it different from Roy Harper's story, for example? Inessential.

Birds Of Prey #0: Welcome back, our old friend CONTINUITY. So, the Penguin's floating ice casino - WHICH ONLY APPEARED IN GOTHAM AFTER THE JOHNSIVERSE STARTED (which is why we saw the gala opening) - was around before the Johnsiverse started and was sufficiently famous for both Black Canary and Batgirl to investigate independently. So we understand why Dinah and Babs are mates, but how does Eve/Starling fit into the picture? Oh aye, she was put on the not-yet-invented floating casino by Amanda Waller to infiltrate it and break it up (so that's now THREE separate strands of investigation into something that doesn't exist yet) and is staying with Dinah because Waller tells her to. Presumably because of some unfinished Team 7 business. A team which, let's not forget, according to Suicide Squad #0 Waller left voluntarily but on relatively good terms and according to Team 7 #0 worked well. Even the Who's Who chapter at the bank doesn't illuminate, it just says Team 7 broke up mysteriously. Although it didn't, if you read Suicide Squad #0. Retconning things after ONE YEAR either shows you don't have any control over it or the whole thing was just an excuse to pay Rob Liefeld millions. Neither are very satisfactory explanations, I have to say.

Blue Beetle #0: My head hurts. Abandoning (to a large extentcontradicting) the backstory from the first 12 issues of the title concerning the Reach and how they were the BAD VILLAINS FROM BEFORE TIME WHO WERE ALWAYS MORTALLY ENEMIES WITH THE LANTERNS we find out instead that Jaime's scarab was instead a prototype weapon created by the people in the Reach which DESPITE BEING A COMPLETE FAILURE (unless you can think of a different way to describe how you can be rejected by your first choice of host - although to be fair it is a very young Lady Styx - and then spend ALL the rest of your time on the cosmic backwater of Earth, being lost for large chunks of it; in fact the first host you ever found seems to be in pre-Colombian Central America) goes completely into production as a MASSIVE EVIL WEAPON... well, words fail me. Anyway, it turns out OMAC teleported Blue Beetle to reach space at the end of the JLI annual, which was handy. They're all after him there for being a traitor. Which is odd as THIS VERY ISSUE it's clear this scarab what a prototype which still, for no identifiable reason, proved the concept and led to all the other scarabs. Despite having been only used once. HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EMPLOYED?

Captain Atom #0: STOP GIVING JT KRUL MONEY. Nat Adam is a kind of flakey and unreliable test pilot for the military. So, not Hal Jordan then. He gets picked to fly a spaceship into another dimension despite the fact it doesn't move, yet everyone seems surprised and the mission must be a failure and he must be dead when it does exactly what it's supposed to. The dimensional transfer spunks out a bit of blue goo which Dr Manhattans itself into Captain Atom. He then gives a Mitt Romney speech about how the US military are so underfunded compared to their enemies and floats above the world as God. This is not, despite the way it sounds, the worst issue of Captain Atom but that particular bar isn't set very high.

Catwoman #0: Is it normal to have your job explained to you for the first time a year after you start work? Thought not. Anyway, Selina became a thief because a boy caught her out lying to him in a bar. There's a hamfisted attempt to establish a SUPER SECRET RUSSIAN PAST and that Selina Kyle is wiped from history and doesn't exist. Contradicting the first year of the book. Zero month isn't really much of a success, is it?

DCU Presents #0: HOW DOES A ROTATING STORY BOOK HAVE AN ORIGIN? Why not just tell the origin story of 5 books that are already cancelled? As pointless an exercise as that sounds. Tell you what, why not add a Who's Who page for OMAC that ignore the JLI annual (despite explicitly mentioning it) and says he's still a happy part of them. That's bound to make things better. Or a "before the Nu52" story that takes place during the first JL plot (probably after #4). Inept.

GL:NG #0: In origin month, NOT AN ORIGIN ISSUE. Following GL:NG #12 they have all broken up, so Kyle and Carol Ferris team up to kill some Black Hand zombies. During this they find out that Hal is dead (from GL #12/#0 or something) and we get a minor smidgeon more of the Guardians plans. But only a little bit, mind.

Justice League #0: CONTAINS NO ACTUAL JUSTICE LEAGUE. Geoff Johns' Shazam is a dick and reflects his world weary schtick in that Billy just wants to use his powers to make money. We get a Pandora backup story which links into Phantom Stranger #0 and undoes a lot of it, and a single page which introduces the Johnsiverse Question who it turns out is Rorscach. That went full circle then, huh? I hate you Geoff. Why don't you just fuck off and play in your own little GL universe where only you and your mates read comics and leave the memory of CC Beck alone? Why couldn't they have given Jeff Smith the gig? He nailed it. I despair.

LoSH #0: A summary. Braniac becomes part of the Legion. After he has become part of the Legion in a different untold story, which he may or may not remember. Inexplicably, this is still the best book so far this week. Which says more about the rest than it does about this, if I'm honest.

Nightwing #0: Despite the fact that all the way up to OWLS was explaining how Dick was the chosen one since whenever to challenge the Waynes, this is not actually mentioned until the Who's Who page. Instead, we get the yet another retelling of the Robin origin which is pretty much exactly the same as the previous ones with the exception of letting us know we should play cards with Bruce because he has a tell like you wouldn't believe. Which does raise the question why more people haven't worked out who Batman is. Overall OK, but not necessary.

Red Hood #0: Was the Joker the hand that shaped the events that made Bruce choose Jason Todd before? I don't think he was, which makes this a Nu52 #0 rarity - a story that actually tells something new. Anyway, A Death In The Family is Nu52 canon. That's all. (PS This is pretty good)

Sword of Sorcery #0: Amethyst saves a girl from the 50s from being raped by a group of jocks then is transported to Gemworld (or whatever it's called) by her mother the second she turn 17. (Amy, not her mother. That would be really weird.) She then shows us all her mommy issues before John Constantine steals her jewel in the real world while she isn't looking. Presumably that means she's trapped there. DUN DUN DUNNNNN! Beowulf wants to be like Northlanders (with it even being advertised in the back despite no link) and takes place in a near-ish future which has regressed to the Dark Ages. It could actually be a pretty good story but I ssupect it will take a number of months to work out whether it is or not.

Wonder Woman #0: A near-perfect Silver Age pastiche, which thinks it's from the Golden or maybe the Pulp age. Whatever, a joy from beginning to end and makes the whole Zero Month idea worthwhile. Probably the only thing I'd recommend you all read this week, as long as you like Silver Age comics.

Every time this thread is revived, I think it's because DC has finally come to their senses and aborted this mess. But it's pretty much too late to reverse course at this point, isn't it?

Yeah, this is going till the print arm of the company falls over.

so, until February

But you don't have to imperil your sanity all the way down, right, aldo?

Too far gone to turn around.

Batwoman #0: Kate's childhood and path to becoming Batwoman told in a momentary flashback during the death of Beth in one of the previous issues. It's entertaining enough, if very wordy (which in itself is one fo the inherent problems because, well, there's a more pressing reason for buying JH Williams books) but it just feels desperately unoriginal. It's a story I feel like I've read 1000 times before and don't feel I need to read again at the end of the day.

don't forget this is the second Batwoman #0 out of the 14 issues of Batwoman to date

This is sort of Countdown bad now, except instead of one title it's the WHOLE LINE

(with a couple exceptions)

^ This. Almost everything last week, with the exception of WW, was woeful.

leave the memory of CC Beck alone
x 10000

Exhaustive/exhausting hate letter to Geoff Johns: http://hoodedutilitarian.com/2012/09/speaking-power-to-stupid-the-ever-dumb-green-lantern-comics-of-geoff-johns

I will half-heartedly rep for the Johns GL revive up through just before Blackest Night. It's really dumb for the most part but it's also fun, so hey.

There was a rare stretch of time (like post-Infinite Crisis through Final Crisis) when I was way into a lot of DCU stuff. Between a couple of fun GL titles, Morrison doing what I think is his best mainstream work, and a decent revival of the Superman "triangle issue" concept, I was really digging what they were doing over there. Then Blackest Night and Stracynski taking over Superman landed a one-two punch that diminished my interest, and Flashpoint was the TKO that derailed it completely.

Does anybody else miss 90s sandman/suicide squad/shade/doom patrol?

nope, I can still re-read them* if I want, and there are squillions of thrilling new and old new-to-me comics in the world, it's a great time to be alive

*except I only read suicide squad this year. it was new-to-me! and I dropped Shade about a year in. but.

i kinda hate johns; all the self-important nerdery of a junior high lunchroom table discussion but none of the joy.

it turns out that once you get past a certain age, that loses its joy anyway

I mean, unless you're most of the writers currently working for DC

is it weird that I basically read no new comics but I thoroughly enjoyed that piece on Johns and Aldo's efforts in this thread?

Old men shaking their fists at the television never gets old.

Funny you should mention DOOM PATROL, as I'm re-reading Morrison's run again. They get more dated over time but they're still often wonderful.

As for that takedown, man, they spent a very long time not liking Geoff Johns and reading an awful lot of comics that they don't like. I don't get that. I mean, sure, hatepieces get the hits, but isn't life too short?

Waht do you mean you don't have to read comics you don't like?

Everyone but you doesn't have to read comics you don't like. You, apparently, need to be punished so that you may provide amusement for others.

Seriously, you couldn't get me to read most of the Nu-52 for free, or even by paying me half cover price per issue.

I appreciate aldo's bearing of the cross

Johns usually gets decent artists (or at least sloppy but dynamic artists), which helps. And he is occasionally capable of excellence - or at least upper-echelon hackitude. I think most of what he put out between 52 and Legion of 3 Worlds was pretty good. Since then -- yikes. But I think he deserves a fair hearing.

(I mean, his current work is noxious, but he deserves a thought-through critical response -- like that blog post -- that some of DC's other writers clearly don't.)

All Star Western #0: Hex gets drunk and tells his life in flashes to Arkham and Jekyll's mate. A handy reminder for people who jumped on in the Johnsiverse, it probably isn't worth your time if I'm honest but it's the first time Gray and Palmiotti have told the story so I guess some of us would say it is. Certainly those of us who have been with it since they started working on it would say so.

Aquaman #0: We find out how Aquaman was conceived, born and raised but in a typical Johnsian move it's drenched in blood - not least when he's nearly eaten by a shark before he learns he can talk to it. At the end it takes us with him to Atlantis. So are we sticking with the origin for a while since Johns' run has shown us Arthur destroys it? Or is it going to be just another origin loose end waiting for him to tell it elsewhere? GJ makes my head hurt in a bad way. I really enjoyed the first couple of issues of this book, but the more Johns-y it gets the more unreadable it is.

Batman Inc #0: OK, so this book confirms that the previous Batman Inc book didn't happen and that Bruce started this Batman Inc some time after Damian became Robin (but presumably not long after). That's OK though, because it lets GMoz tell the story again which he does with aplomb and arguably better (certainly more compactly) than he did last time. A thoroughly good read but perhaps unfortunately one which is best undertaken already knowing who all the characters being introduced for the first time are. That can't be a normal expectatio after a reboot, surely?

Batman The Dark Knight #0: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NOT ANOTHER BATMAN ORIGIN THIS MONTH. This one, at least goes back to Crime Alley and the shooting of Thomas and Martha which MUST be a giant conspiracy because the two bestest people that ever lived ever EVARR couldn't have just been randomly shot. Except they were. Ultimately this is Batmang Year One in 20 pages but with more conspiracy emo bollocks, plus we find out that Batman knew about teh Court of Owls before he was even Batman which contradicts Scott Snyder's whole OWLS arc. An editor! An editor! My kingdom for an editor!

I Vampire #0: Andrew gets turned into a vampire by Cain himself, which is how he gets to be such a GRATE FANTASTIC GUY in about #5. A bunch of pretentious twaddle telling a story going nowhere, which ends with a whole page of quoted Shakespeare. It's very pretty, as ever, but I want the comedy back. Nul point.

Justice League Dark #0: And with a wink, all of Alan Moore's characterisation and all of Hellblazer is gone. Constantine became who he is in idol worship over a guy who showed up in JLD#12, and because the pair of them and Zatanna were in an episode of Charmed. An insult to anyone who's been reading DC and/or Vertigo books for any length of time.

Red Lanterns #0: Atrocitus becomes Atrocitus after his daughter fronts up to a Manhunter who then decides to eliminate the whole planet because someone jaywalks. Atrocitus decides he wants to fuck the space creature who looks like three or four octopodes welded and the fact that he feels love proves that he doesn't and could never have felt love or something and is therefore shown to always have been a creature of pure rage. As a result Bleez, the goat faced one and Bouncing Rage Boy turn up in the last page. Presumably someone, somewhere thought this was good. Someone other than Pete Milligan, I mean.

Hawkman #0: WTF dude? Has Rob not been reading Hawkman, including the issues HE WROTE HIMSELF? This is all about Katar Hol, who it looks like from this issue onwards is going to become the Hawkman of the Johnsiverse. Did the previous 12 issues not happen or what? Not a soft reboot, this is a hard reboot. Has Rob done this out of spite and nobody checked up on it?

Supergirl #0: These are the events on Krypton leading up to the Johnsiverse Supergirl #1. Do you ever think it diminishes the story of Kal-el, specifically how everybody supposedly though Jor-el was mad for preparing for the end times, if lots of other Kryptonians thought the same thing and were preparing magical space ships to send their children too? Or how Kara leaves Krypton before Kal-el and is a teenager compared to his infancy, yet he is older than her on Earth? And what is the Johnsiverse Superboy doing on Krypton talking to Kara's mum? I don't understand who this is supposed to appeal to, if I'm honest.

Superman #0: And with a single bound, a story where Jor-el is thought mad by everyone because he says Krypton is about to explode. It's really pretty entertaining stuff, but doesn't add anything to the mythology that already exists. You don't need to read it, but it's diverting at least.

Talon #0: I'm split on this. It could go somewhere - Calvin Rose is basically the anti-Dick Grayson. He's a child performer at the Flying Graysons' circus who is taken away by a rich benefactor and taught to be a better acrobat, how to fight yadda yadda yadda but it turns out the OWLS were training him. And now he's decided to split from them and will fight crime (probably) and the OWLS are after him. On the other hand: 1) we don't really need another Robin 2) The battyverse is pretty full and I'm not sure we need another hero 3) Talon being good enough to escape the OWLS maze without breaking sweat sort of implies he's better than Batman and weakens the impact of Scott Snyder's OWLS plot and 4) If, as Nightwang has told us Dick was some kind of chosen one and the whole circus thing was to make him a fighter doesn't that make Talon a kind of failed experiment? Conflicted but still potentially interested, I guess.

Teen Titans #0: Ummm... wut? The editorially changed version of the first Titans collection says this didn't happen. I guess that proves that Scott Lobdell didn't approve the edit. This is a decent enough telling of the Tim Drake story but I have no idea what DC are playing at at this point. Hang on. To remind myself of the story it seems Scott Lobdell himself announced at SDCC that Tim Drake had never been Robin. We are not at war with Oceania, we have never been at war with Oceania.

Flash #0: BIFF! BANG! POW! Take that Geoff Johns! Flashpoint is erased from the Johnsiverse! (which is odd, as it's what caused the Johnsiverse) As ever, the Flash can be relied on to thoroughly entertain and is easily orders of magnitude better than anything else this week. Nothing else is worth your money. Can we have some more Silver Age style stuff next? Maybe a new take on this?

http://allthingsd.com/files/2011/11/fat-flash.png

Ta.

Firestorm #0: After #12 killed off all the Firestorms, #0 retells #1 set after #12. Seriously, same villain, the works. Throw in a couple of flashbacks to Firestorm #1-12 and you have the laziest issue published all month. Yes, even lazier than Rob L trying to pass off all that Perez/Wolfman Deathstroke material as his own. Jesus, that's lazy.

Voodoo #0: And so we close the month out with an origin of a cancelled title. Seems somehow appropriate. Completely irrelevant, but possibly needs to be told since Voodoo is apparently going to ake over the Grifter book. Why not call it Wildstorm and be done with it? I bet nobody's ever done that before... I sort of like this book, but I don't understand what it's FOR and accordingly couldn't recommend it to anyone who hasn't read the first 12 and isn't intending reading Grifter. So that'll be none of you then.

If the ultimate point of this reboot isn't the complete dissolution of continuity in a return to Silver Age-style storytelling, it sounds like these editors should be driven out of the business. Why are so many people allowed to be so bad at their jobs??

That's kind of where I am with this lot now. People are getting money to edit individual titles, and there's an E-i-C, but nobody taking the cheques seems to be spotting this.

It's actually worse than you think. As I might have said before, the point of the Johnsiverse was to abandon all the existing continuity and start again from 5 years prior to the #1 issues. (Except for Justice League #1, which was supposed to be at that 5 year marker, and Action #1 which was originally supposed to be at the 5 year marker - and actually was going to catch up to Superman and have iirc Dan Jurgens writing both once GMoz left at #6 but was abandoned when that didn't happen despite press releases being issued and it briefed at conferences and conventions - but now takes place some time before that because of what GMoz wrote.) This was all triggered by Flashpoint; Johns' own attempt following bringing Barry Allen back to life that he was afflicted by the same Superhero Sadface that dominates Johns' writing but also undid the DCU when he let his mother die after all in an alternate universe where she was suddenly alive again.

Except Geoff Johns couldn't give up all the continuity he'd lovingly created in the Action Figure Playtime that is his run on Green Lantern and so as "Chief Creative Officer" he got his way. So GL continuity is unaltered in the main GL book, but not in any of the others. Unless it is. So you get things like the Kyle Rayner book GL: New Guardians which starts with Kyle Rayner becoming a Lantern therefore firmly establishing it is a New Rebooted Johnsiverse Book. Except he interacts with characters like Larfleeze who are part of the Non-Rebooted GL Universe. Which means Bleez from the Red Lanterns is both in and out of Johnsiverse Continuity. Which means Red Lanterns is both. Which means Stormwatch is and isn't, as Red Lanterns crossed over into it. Which means the other things Stormwatch has crossed over into are and aren't. And so it goes on...

I'm surprised to hear that Flash is consistently entertaining - I've been skipping over it in these roundups just because I assumed that if GJ has such a hardon for Barry Allen then it must be a terrible idea.

How many years until DC decides none of this happened and the renumbered books are put in a hole in the desert and paved over?

Flash has been really good. Nothing to do with Johns, has been a great Silver Age romp. There's a continuity of sorts, but that is more that each story comes after each other.