Aldo reads DC's New 52 (So you don't have to)

I just have to say, Shazam the fuck? How do you take classic, iconic Shazam and fuck him up this badly? I didn't read it, but just flipping through it hurt my brain. Head to toe pile of suck. Those boots! The hoodie cape! UGH!

Batwoman #0: Kate's childhood and path to becoming Batwoman told in a momentary flashback during the death of Beth in one of the previous issues. It's entertaining enough, if very wordy (which in itself is one fo the inherent problems because, well, there's a more pressing reason for buying JH Williams books) but it just feels desperately unoriginal. It's a story I feel like I've read 1000 times before and don't feel I need to read again at the end of the day. Blah blah overbearing military father blah blah badly chosen life partners blah blah substance abuse - how is it different from Roy Harper's story, for example? Inessential.

Birds Of Prey #0: Welcome back, our old friend CONTINUITY. So, the Penguin's floating ice casino - WHICH ONLY APPEARED IN GOTHAM AFTER THE JOHNSIVERSE STARTED (which is why we saw the gala opening) - was around before the Johnsiverse started and was sufficiently famous for both Black Canary and Batgirl to investigate independently. So we understand why Dinah and Babs are mates, but how does Eve/Starling fit into the picture? Oh aye, she was put on the not-yet-invented floating casino by Amanda Waller to infiltrate it and break it up (so that's now THREE separate strands of investigation into something that doesn't exist yet) and is staying with Dinah because Waller tells her to. Presumably because of some unfinished Team 7 business. A team which, let's not forget, according to Suicide Squad #0 Waller left voluntarily but on relatively good terms and according to Team 7 #0 worked well. Even the Who's Who chapter at the bank doesn't illuminate, it just says Team 7 broke up mysteriously. Although it didn't, if you read Suicide Squad #0. Retconning things after ONE YEAR either shows you don't have any control over it or the whole thing was just an excuse to pay Rob Liefeld millions. Neither are very satisfactory explanations, I have to say.

Blue Beetle #0: My head hurts. Abandoning (to a large extentcontradicting) the backstory from the first 12 issues of the title concerning the Reach and how they were the BAD VILLAINS FROM BEFORE TIME WHO WERE ALWAYS MORTALLY ENEMIES WITH THE LANTERNS we find out instead that Jaime's scarab was instead a prototype weapon created by the people in the Reach which DESPITE BEING A COMPLETE FAILURE (unless you can think of a different way to describe how you can be rejected by your first choice of host - although to be fair it is a very young Lady Styx - and then spend ALL the rest of your time on the cosmic backwater of Earth, being lost for large chunks of it; in fact the first host you ever found seems to be in pre-Colombian Central America) goes completely into production as a MASSIVE EVIL WEAPON... well, words fail me. Anyway, it turns out OMAC teleported Blue Beetle to reach space at the end of the JLI annual, which was handy. They're all after him there for being a traitor. Which is odd as THIS VERY ISSUE it's clear this scarab what a prototype which still, for no identifiable reason, proved the concept and led to all the other scarabs. Despite having been only used once. HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EMPLOYED?

Captain Atom #0: STOP GIVING JT KRUL MONEY. Nat Adam is a kind of flakey and unreliable test pilot for the military. So, not Hal Jordan then. He gets picked to fly a spaceship into another dimension despite the fact it doesn't move, yet everyone seems surprised and the mission must be a failure and he must be dead when it does exactly what it's supposed to. The dimensional transfer spunks out a bit of blue goo which Dr Manhattans itself into Captain Atom. He then gives a Mitt Romney speech about how the US military are so underfunded compared to their enemies and floats above the world as God. This is not, despite the way it sounds, the worst issue of Captain Atom but that particular bar isn't set very high.

Catwoman #0: Is it normal to have your job explained to you for the first time a year after you start work? Thought not. Anyway, Selina became a thief because a boy caught her out lying to him in a bar. There's a hamfisted attempt to establish a SUPER SECRET RUSSIAN PAST and that Selina Kyle is wiped from history and doesn't exist. Contradicting the first year of the book. Zero month isn't really much of a success, is it?

DCU Presents #0: HOW DOES A ROTATING STORY BOOK HAVE AN ORIGIN? Why not just tell the origin story of 5 books that are already cancelled? As pointless an exercise as that sounds. Tell you what, why not add a Who's Who page for OMAC that ignore the JLI annual (despite explicitly mentioning it) and says he's still a happy part of them. That's bound to make things better. Or a "before the Nu52" story that takes place during the first JL plot (probably after #4). Inept.

GL:NG #0: In origin month, NOT AN ORIGIN ISSUE. Following GL:NG #12 they have all broken up, so Kyle and Carol Ferris team up to kill some Black Hand zombies. During this they find out that Hal is dead (from GL #12/#0 or something) and we get a minor smidgeon more of the Guardians plans. But only a little bit, mind.

Justice League #0: CONTAINS NO ACTUAL JUSTICE LEAGUE. Geoff Johns' Shazam is a dick and reflects his world weary schtick in that Billy just wants to use his powers to make money. We get a Pandora backup story which links into Phantom Stranger #0 and undoes a lot of it, and a single page which introduces the Johnsiverse Question who it turns out is Rorscach. That went full circle then, huh? I hate you Geoff. Why don't you just fuck off and play in your own little GL universe where only you and your mates read comics and leave the memory of CC Beck alone? Why couldn't they have given Jeff Smith the gig? He nailed it. I despair.

LoSH #0: A summary. Braniac becomes part of the Legion. After he has become part of the Legion in a different untold story, which he may or may not remember. Inexplicably, this is still the best book so far this week. Which says more about the rest than it does about this, if I'm honest.

Nightwing #0: Despite the fact that all the way up to OWLS was explaining how Dick was the chosen one since whenever to challenge the Waynes, this is not actually mentioned until the Who's Who page. Instead, we get the yet another retelling of the Robin origin which is pretty much exactly the same as the previous ones with the exception of letting us know we should play cards with Bruce because he has a tell like you wouldn't believe. Which does raise the question why more people haven't worked out who Batman is. Overall OK, but not necessary.

Red Hood #0: Was the Joker the hand that shaped the events that made Bruce choose Jason Todd before? I don't think he was, which makes this a Nu52 #0 rarity - a story that actually tells something new. Anyway, A Death In The Family is Nu52 canon. That's all. (PS This is pretty good)

Sword of Sorcery #0: Amethyst saves a girl from the 50s from being raped by a group of jocks then is transported to Gemworld (or whatever it's called) by her mother the second she turn 17. (Amy, not her mother. That would be really weird.) She then shows us all her mommy issues before John Constantine steals her jewel in the real world while she isn't looking. Presumably that means she's trapped there. DUN DUN DUNNNNN! Beowulf wants to be like Northlanders (with it even being advertised in the back despite no link) and takes place in a near-ish future which has regressed to the Dark Ages. It could actually be a pretty good story but I ssupect it will take a number of months to work out whether it is or not.

Wonder Woman #0: A near-perfect Silver Age pastiche, which thinks it's from the Golden or maybe the Pulp age. Whatever, a joy from beginning to end and makes the whole Zero Month idea worthwhile. Probably the only thing I'd recommend you all read this week, as long as you like Silver Age comics.

Every time this thread is revived, I think it's because DC has finally come to their senses and aborted this mess. But it's pretty much too late to reverse course at this point, isn't it?

Yeah, this is going till the print arm of the company falls over.

so, until February

But you don't have to imperil your sanity all the way down, right, aldo?

Too far gone to turn around.

Batwoman #0: Kate's childhood and path to becoming Batwoman told in a momentary flashback during the death of Beth in one of the previous issues. It's entertaining enough, if very wordy (which in itself is one fo the inherent problems because, well, there's a more pressing reason for buying JH Williams books) but it just feels desperately unoriginal. It's a story I feel like I've read 1000 times before and don't feel I need to read again at the end of the day.

don't forget this is the second Batwoman #0 out of the 14 issues of Batwoman to date

This is sort of Countdown bad now, except instead of one title it's the WHOLE LINE

(with a couple exceptions)

^ This. Almost everything last week, with the exception of WW, was woeful.

leave the memory of CC Beck alone
x 10000

Exhaustive/exhausting hate letter to Geoff Johns: http://hoodedutilitarian.com/2012/09/speaking-power-to-stupid-the-ever-dumb-green-lantern-comics-of-geoff-johns

I will half-heartedly rep for the Johns GL revive up through just before Blackest Night. It's really dumb for the most part but it's also fun, so hey.

There was a rare stretch of time (like post-Infinite Crisis through Final Crisis) when I was way into a lot of DCU stuff. Between a couple of fun GL titles, Morrison doing what I think is his best mainstream work, and a decent revival of the Superman "triangle issue" concept, I was really digging what they were doing over there. Then Blackest Night and Stracynski taking over Superman landed a one-two punch that diminished my interest, and Flashpoint was the TKO that derailed it completely.

Does anybody else miss 90s sandman/suicide squad/shade/doom patrol?

nope, I can still re-read them* if I want, and there are squillions of thrilling new and old new-to-me comics in the world, it's a great time to be alive

*except I only read suicide squad this year. it was new-to-me! and I dropped Shade about a year in. but.

i kinda hate johns; all the self-important nerdery of a junior high lunchroom table discussion but none of the joy.

it turns out that once you get past a certain age, that loses its joy anyway

I mean, unless you're most of the writers currently working for DC

is it weird that I basically read no new comics but I thoroughly enjoyed that piece on Johns and Aldo's efforts in this thread?

Old men shaking their fists at the television never gets old.

Funny you should mention DOOM PATROL, as I'm re-reading Morrison's run again. They get more dated over time but they're still often wonderful.

As for that takedown, man, they spent a very long time not liking Geoff Johns and reading an awful lot of comics that they don't like. I don't get that. I mean, sure, hatepieces get the hits, but isn't life too short?

Waht do you mean you don't have to read comics you don't like?

Everyone but you doesn't have to read comics you don't like. You, apparently, need to be punished so that you may provide amusement for others.

Seriously, you couldn't get me to read most of the Nu-52 for free, or even by paying me half cover price per issue.

I appreciate aldo's bearing of the cross

Johns usually gets decent artists (or at least sloppy but dynamic artists), which helps. And he is occasionally capable of excellence - or at least upper-echelon hackitude. I think most of what he put out between 52 and Legion of 3 Worlds was pretty good. Since then -- yikes. But I think he deserves a fair hearing.

(I mean, his current work is noxious, but he deserves a thought-through critical response -- like that blog post -- that some of DC's other writers clearly don't.)

All Star Western #0: Hex gets drunk and tells his life in flashes to Arkham and Jekyll's mate. A handy reminder for people who jumped on in the Johnsiverse, it probably isn't worth your time if I'm honest but it's the first time Gray and Palmiotti have told the story so I guess some of us would say it is. Certainly those of us who have been with it since they started working on it would say so.

Aquaman #0: We find out how Aquaman was conceived, born and raised but in a typical Johnsian move it's drenched in blood - not least when he's nearly eaten by a shark before he learns he can talk to it. At the end it takes us with him to Atlantis. So are we sticking with the origin for a while since Johns' run has shown us Arthur destroys it? Or is it going to be just another origin loose end waiting for him to tell it elsewhere? GJ makes my head hurt in a bad way. I really enjoyed the first couple of issues of this book, but the more Johns-y it gets the more unreadable it is.

Batman Inc #0: OK, so this book confirms that the previous Batman Inc book didn't happen and that Bruce started this Batman Inc some time after Damian became Robin (but presumably not long after). That's OK though, because it lets GMoz tell the story again which he does with aplomb and arguably better (certainly more compactly) than he did last time. A thoroughly good read but perhaps unfortunately one which is best undertaken already knowing who all the characters being introduced for the first time are. That can't be a normal expectatio after a reboot, surely?

Batman The Dark Knight #0: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NOT ANOTHER BATMAN ORIGIN THIS MONTH. This one, at least goes back to Crime Alley and the shooting of Thomas and Martha which MUST be a giant conspiracy because the two bestest people that ever lived ever EVARR couldn't have just been randomly shot. Except they were. Ultimately this is Batmang Year One in 20 pages but with more conspiracy emo bollocks, plus we find out that Batman knew about teh Court of Owls before he was even Batman which contradicts Scott Snyder's whole OWLS arc. An editor! An editor! My kingdom for an editor!

I Vampire #0: Andrew gets turned into a vampire by Cain himself, which is how he gets to be such a GRATE FANTASTIC GUY in about #5. A bunch of pretentious twaddle telling a story going nowhere, which ends with a whole page of quoted Shakespeare. It's very pretty, as ever, but I want the comedy back. Nul point.

Justice League Dark #0: And with a wink, all of Alan Moore's characterisation and all of Hellblazer is gone. Constantine became who he is in idol worship over a guy who showed up in JLD#12, and because the pair of them and Zatanna were in an episode of Charmed. An insult to anyone who's been reading DC and/or Vertigo books for any length of time.

Red Lanterns #0: Atrocitus becomes Atrocitus after his daughter fronts up to a Manhunter who then decides to eliminate the whole planet because someone jaywalks. Atrocitus decides he wants to fuck the space creature who looks like three or four octopodes welded and the fact that he feels love proves that he doesn't and could never have felt love or something and is therefore shown to always have been a creature of pure rage. As a result Bleez, the goat faced one and Bouncing Rage Boy turn up in the last page. Presumably someone, somewhere thought this was good. Someone other than Pete Milligan, I mean.

Hawkman #0: WTF dude? Has Rob not been reading Hawkman, including the issues HE WROTE HIMSELF? This is all about Katar Hol, who it looks like from this issue onwards is going to become the Hawkman of the Johnsiverse. Did the previous 12 issues not happen or what? Not a soft reboot, this is a hard reboot. Has Rob done this out of spite and nobody checked up on it?

Supergirl #0: These are the events on Krypton leading up to the Johnsiverse Supergirl #1. Do you ever think it diminishes the story of Kal-el, specifically how everybody supposedly though Jor-el was mad for preparing for the end times, if lots of other Kryptonians thought the same thing and were preparing magical space ships to send their children too? Or how Kara leaves Krypton before Kal-el and is a teenager compared to his infancy, yet he is older than her on Earth? And what is the Johnsiverse Superboy doing on Krypton talking to Kara's mum? I don't understand who this is supposed to appeal to, if I'm honest.

Superman #0: And with a single bound, a story where Jor-el is thought mad by everyone because he says Krypton is about to explode. It's really pretty entertaining stuff, but doesn't add anything to the mythology that already exists. You don't need to read it, but it's diverting at least.

Talon #0: I'm split on this. It could go somewhere - Calvin Rose is basically the anti-Dick Grayson. He's a child performer at the Flying Graysons' circus who is taken away by a rich benefactor and taught to be a better acrobat, how to fight yadda yadda yadda but it turns out the OWLS were training him. And now he's decided to split from them and will fight crime (probably) and the OWLS are after him. On the other hand: 1) we don't really need another Robin 2) The battyverse is pretty full and I'm not sure we need another hero 3) Talon being good enough to escape the OWLS maze without breaking sweat sort of implies he's better than Batman and weakens the impact of Scott Snyder's OWLS plot and 4) If, as Nightwang has told us Dick was some kind of chosen one and the whole circus thing was to make him a fighter doesn't that make Talon a kind of failed experiment? Conflicted but still potentially interested, I guess.

Teen Titans #0: Ummm... wut? The editorially changed version of the first Titans collection says this didn't happen. I guess that proves that Scott Lobdell didn't approve the edit. This is a decent enough telling of the Tim Drake story but I have no idea what DC are playing at at this point. Hang on. To remind myself of the story it seems Scott Lobdell himself announced at SDCC that Tim Drake had never been Robin. We are not at war with Oceania, we have never been at war with Oceania.

Flash #0: BIFF! BANG! POW! Take that Geoff Johns! Flashpoint is erased from the Johnsiverse! (which is odd, as it's what caused the Johnsiverse) As ever, the Flash can be relied on to thoroughly entertain and is easily orders of magnitude better than anything else this week. Nothing else is worth your money. Can we have some more Silver Age style stuff next? Maybe a new take on this?

http://allthingsd.com/files/2011/11/fat-flash.png

Ta.

Firestorm #0: After #12 killed off all the Firestorms, #0 retells #1 set after #12. Seriously, same villain, the works. Throw in a couple of flashbacks to Firestorm #1-12 and you have the laziest issue published all month. Yes, even lazier than Rob L trying to pass off all that Perez/Wolfman Deathstroke material as his own. Jesus, that's lazy.

Voodoo #0: And so we close the month out with an origin of a cancelled title. Seems somehow appropriate. Completely irrelevant, but possibly needs to be told since Voodoo is apparently going to ake over the Grifter book. Why not call it Wildstorm and be done with it? I bet nobody's ever done that before... I sort of like this book, but I don't understand what it's FOR and accordingly couldn't recommend it to anyone who hasn't read the first 12 and isn't intending reading Grifter. So that'll be none of you then.

If the ultimate point of this reboot isn't the complete dissolution of continuity in a return to Silver Age-style storytelling, it sounds like these editors should be driven out of the business. Why are so many people allowed to be so bad at their jobs??

That's kind of where I am with this lot now. People are getting money to edit individual titles, and there's an E-i-C, but nobody taking the cheques seems to be spotting this.

It's actually worse than you think. As I might have said before, the point of the Johnsiverse was to abandon all the existing continuity and start again from 5 years prior to the #1 issues. (Except for Justice League #1, which was supposed to be at that 5 year marker, and Action #1 which was originally supposed to be at the 5 year marker - and actually was going to catch up to Superman and have iirc Dan Jurgens writing both once GMoz left at #6 but was abandoned when that didn't happen despite press releases being issued and it briefed at conferences and conventions - but now takes place some time before that because of what GMoz wrote.) This was all triggered by Flashpoint; Johns' own attempt following bringing Barry Allen back to life that he was afflicted by the same Superhero Sadface that dominates Johns' writing but also undid the DCU when he let his mother die after all in an alternate universe where she was suddenly alive again.

Except Geoff Johns couldn't give up all the continuity he'd lovingly created in the Action Figure Playtime that is his run on Green Lantern and so as "Chief Creative Officer" he got his way. So GL continuity is unaltered in the main GL book, but not in any of the others. Unless it is. So you get things like the Kyle Rayner book GL: New Guardians which starts with Kyle Rayner becoming a Lantern therefore firmly establishing it is a New Rebooted Johnsiverse Book. Except he interacts with characters like Larfleeze who are part of the Non-Rebooted GL Universe. Which means Bleez from the Red Lanterns is both in and out of Johnsiverse Continuity. Which means Red Lanterns is both. Which means Stormwatch is and isn't, as Red Lanterns crossed over into it. Which means the other things Stormwatch has crossed over into are and aren't. And so it goes on...

I'm surprised to hear that Flash is consistently entertaining - I've been skipping over it in these roundups just because I assumed that if GJ has such a hardon for Barry Allen then it must be a terrible idea.

How many years until DC decides none of this happened and the renumbered books are put in a hole in the desert and paved over?

Flash has been really good. Nothing to do with Johns, has been a great Silver Age romp. There's a continuity of sorts, but that is more that each story comes after each other.

I finally got round to summarising the year.

http://savingyoutheeffort.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/johnsiverse-year-one-many-things-could.html

Fine work as always, Aldo

Just read Action 13: so he's got the Fortress of Solitude now? When did that happen? What is going on? Yet more frustrating GMoz shenanigans.

And he's wearing the new suit, too. I give up.

Grant M has restarted the Batman book he was doing before the jump and his run on Action has been mixed to say the least, as it was originally supposed to be a 6 issue run that has inexplicably been extended to 16 without (it sometimes feels) writing much new material to increase the volume.

it's now been extended to 18, including the #0

Action Comics is the first GM comic I've stopped buying. I don't think there's been a decent issue since #2 or #3.

* Batman Inc is still pretty thrillpowered though.

you know what is still surprisingly enjoyable? Suicide Squad

granted I'm not sure the past two issues actually made sense, but I still enjoyed them

* Batman Inc is still pretty thrillpowered though.

I bought the Batman Inc. hardback collection and enjoyed it a lot, ended with the Talia reveal... has there been anything else after that?

Yes, the series has pseudo-restarted

I don't think there's been a decent issue since #2 or #3.

#9 was remarkable, coming from the author of Supergods

agree the series otherwise is wretched though

I don't really understand how wayward it's been -- from either the editor or writer's point of view. And those backups actually cheapen the main content.

So Scott Snyder will write a brand new superman-book, which just reeks of desperation to me. Also, that will be the fifth super-book right? (action, superman, supergirl, superboy, snyder) Still, there is some way to the thirteen bat-books being published at the moment...

Also, I checked the sales-chart. While DC has most of the most popular ones, they also has most of the least popular ones. After the last Marvel ongoing (Captain America and Black Widow, cancelled) I counted ten DC ongoings with lower sales. Three of these were cancelled, but still...

Action #13: Other people have talked about getting off the GMoz bus after the way this book has gone, and after several months of just being unimpressed this drivel has me rapidly agreeing with them. The tale of Krypto has the trappings of We3 in places and although the Phantom Zone is reborn well the whole reason why the bad guy is dressed as a mummy apart from it being Hallowe'en is never explained or even questioned apart from OOH SPOOKY. What next? Jimmy Olsen as a Sexy Pirate? Add to this a Phantom Stranger which is entirely inconsistent with the New52 official version as established during zero month and you just have a mess. Poor old Solly Fisch's backup is even more desperate, the sort of thing a primary school kid would write if given the assignment to tell the story of a ghost dog. Thanks DC for letting me cut one of the books I was still buying. Although I'm not sure that's your intent.

Animal Man #13: I'm going to keep this simple. At least twice, Buddy asks the question we're thinking while reading. "Tell me this is... some alternate dimension or something". And he is reassured that no, this is the real Earth, this is the real Johnsiverse, The Flash, Supergirl, Batwoman, Hawkman (that we actively see) are all dead and consumed by The Rot. I repeat, this is really, asbsolutely definitely what happens to the Johnsiverse in a year's time and is not an alternate Earth or another dimension, or some time wrinkle or anything like that. I'm getting the popcorn, this is the clusterfuck to end them all.

Batwing #13: All Africans can do witch doctor magic. All African police are corrupt. Any Africans that can't do magic are Batwing or have magic swords and are also undercover policemen. Everybody in Africa is related. Oh Winickpaws.

Detective #13: BRUCE WAYNE'S PHILANTHROPY EXPLAINED! He only gives money to charity so that when he beats up thugs the money that gets spent on their medical help doesn't mean that more deserving victims get treatment because he makes sure there's enough cash to treat them all. OF COURSE. We next see him giving money for a Children's Wing. Just who exactly are these "criminals" he's "punishing", eh? FRED WERTHAM WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL. In the actual plot, the bad guys from Nightwing (who are also, it appears, the bad guys in the new Green Arrow TV series) are paid by the Penguin to kill Bruce Wayne as part of a plot to improve Cobblepot's public image. Yeah, I'm not sure exactly how that was supposed to work either. Oh, and there are no superheroes in the Johnsiverse Miami, according to the backup. Really? Not Aquaman then?

Dial H #5: More inspired weirdness even if, as Mieville deliberately acknowledges "it's just a bad pun". We get the partial resolution of the plot to date then the tease of more to come. I'm expecting one month to report that he's got it wrong, but it's not this month. I strongly suspect that a year will be the absolute limit it can get stretched out for, in which case it'll make the first truly essential trade of the modern era.

Earth 2 #5: Gays. You can't trust them not to betray you, eh? What do you mean that's not what I was supposed to think? Then what else were the last pages about? Actually, this is a perfectly adequate book even if the constant Golden Age refs do feel a bit "for the fans" rather than actually adding anything and overall it's telling exactly the same Rotworld/Black Hand story from the real Johnsiverse. It's just kind of pointless really.

GI Combat #5: With JT Krul gone and the Haunted Tank installed this book rises to the top level of this week's output. What initially seems like a bad case of Old Man Shouting At The TV turns into a pseudo-mystical romp featuring some of Howard Chaykin's best-looking work in years. Unknown Soldier is merely competent, but I still can't wait for next month. BRINGING BACK THE FUN.

Green Arrow #13: Ann Nocenti proves she's really Frank Miller with some anti-Chinese Dirty Commie bullshit that is otherwise impenetrable. "China's pride and ambition know no bounds." "I'm sorry Suzie Ming. You seem personally hurt by the history of your China." The whole thing is about China trying to cheat their way to technological advancement by stealing it from America and adds to the confusion by assuming all Asians are the same as we have women with swords and ghosts of ancestors talking to people (like our old friend Katana) and that ancient Chinese tradition of karaoke. Do these people really still live in the 80s? Party on duds!

Green Lantern #13: Geoff Johns fucks continuity a big one up the arse again on page one of this bollocks. You know how I described the problems of his carrying things over into GL:NG and how the proliferation of that story affects any number of other titles? Well, in panel 3 he says Kyle Rayner became a Green Lantern two years ago. So, GL:NG took place two years ago. In which case, so did GL #12. WAIT A MINNIT, WHO BROUGHT US ONE YEAR LATER? Only this time it's through an accident... And Obama is president. So, to be clear, Justice League #1 happened when Shrub was Pres. Yes? If I go back and read that again it'll confirm it? Bush set up Team 7 with Waller in charge, yes? Oh, and Baz is from MIAMI. Who are the editors again? The Mosque have banned the family of somone involvd in terrorism and so have his sister's work DO YOU SEE? The Third Army are looking for Mr Baz. Even if that makes him sound like one of Basil Brush's handlers. As are the Justice League. OOOOOOOOOOOH WHO GIVES A FUCK.

Stormwatch #13: Peter Milligan is a fucking idiot. He manages to make the introduction of Etrigan a chore, which is ever so slightly A GIANT FUCKING MISTAKE. I love Etrigan and you're not treating him very well. With JT Krul and Rob gone, I think Pete is the worst writer on the books. Which would worry anybody if it wasn't Geoff Johns writing the cheques. I hate all of this.

Swamp Thing #13: As in Animal Man, the Johnsiverse is destroyed a year in the future. Or is that a year in the past depending on what books you believe? This cannot end well. Is there really a plan behind this? REALLY?

World's Finest #5: At least we're finish with some intentional light relief. No, we're not. In a stroke of genius, DiDio has cancelled the one part of this book that was actually good and so instead we get a ho-hum villain-of-the-week Huntress and power Girl story which improves my life not one jot.

Two readable books out of 12 does not predispose me to continuing this, I have to say.

Batgirl #13: Bat Cross over prequel! Except it just does the previous Batgirl plot, a needless cheesecake shot and a conspiracy that revives the plots of the previous year. Doesn't seem very Joker-y or prequel-y to me. But why reist the temptation of putting a banner on the cover in the hope of selling another couple of issues, eh? Because it's all about the money, obviously. And not the integrity that our heroes are supposed to have. YOU MAKE ME SICK.

Batman #13: NOW THAT'S HOW YOU BRING THE JOKER BACK. TENSION TENSION TENSION TENSIO TENSION BAM. This is how you write batbooks. Damn. And the betrayal of Harley backup is great too. BOOM that's boom of the week right there.

Batman & Robin #13: A middling book but the page 13 BAM makes it worth reading. All the same, a very good effort and one which ignores both the Zero Month nonsense and the Joker return in order to tell the story it wants to. Which is zombies in Gotham and so still maybe of marginal interest. Ho hum.

Deathstroke #13: Oh God Rob, I thought you were done. "I'm the best at what I do." You're not mate. Seriously. I'd like to say you were the worst, but JT Krul has stolen that even from you. Must Try Harder. Just not on anything I'm reading.

Demon Knights #13: Cornell sends all the Demon Knights to Hell under the thrall of Lucifer and does a pretty good job of it. Yes, it's Etrigan heavy and yes, he makes him kind of a wuss... but we get Vandal Savage being funny and the other characters being themselves so perfectly good but not up there with the great book this week. But better than everything else, so you pays your money you takes your choice.

Frankenstein #13: Rotworld but not Rotworld but Rotworld without Rot except in the real world. Feels tacked-on. Feels inessential. Is tacked-on. Is inessential.

GLC #13: The Guardians decide Guy Gardner is the best Lantern ever and give him a new name to prove it, but in doing so bring out his worst enemy ever (the chap he fought in GLC #0) from their prison and set him free. Guy is compromised during a trade mission they've set him up on and heads to Earth but OH NOES ambushed on the way and all the OH WHO CARES. Some people are dead, some aren't, some might be next month. I can feel the blood draining from my eyes trying to keep the lights on long enough to get to the end of this.

Grifter #13: Rob says Grifter is still great. Marat Mychaels draws Voodoo boss-eyed. Like, PROPERLY boss-eyed. Pontoon eyes - one twists, one sticks. http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8465/8087901108_44ea499e5c.jpg He then eats her face while still speaking. My favourite bit though is Apollo out of Stormwatch dancing while displaying the world's smallest dinkle. http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8190/8087901085_8295a060f5.jpg You'd think any of this made it worth your time. You'd be wrong.

Legion Lost #13: Even I am tired of Tellus being affected by the "death cry of billions". Bored of it now and no amount of sprockin' sprockin' can make it worth the effort.

Suicide Squad #13: Ignoring the Zero Month bullshit, this picks up where it was beforehand (you remember, betrayal, ambush etc) and is great but I'm not spoiling the end other than to say I never saw Floyd doing that. A great read, again.

Superboy #13: So this crosses over into Ravagers while simultaneously crossing over into Superman and Supergirl. None of these things make it any more fun to read. It's sort of ok but all over the place and so really not worth it but in comparison this week is still very accomplished.

Team Seven #1: Holographic Wolverine is the only readable thing in this twenty pages of bollocks. So DiDio, this is going to rejuvenate your line, huh? "I DON'T THINK SO!" http://instinctmagazine.com/images/stories/blogs/jhigbee/july2012/fred%20willard.jpeg This pre-dates Justice League #1, yes? WAIT, WHY AM I PRETENDING I CARE?

Ravagers #5: Oh, I'm past fucking caring. Somebody punches somebody else but they're not the X-Men OBVIOUSLY. Not anything worth your time.

Phantom Stranger #1: Our hero kills a kid with a car in order to chat up a girl inside Stonehenge. But it turns out rather than doing what God wants him to he's actually living a secret life with a wife and children without God knowing. SHH IT'S A SECRET but Pandora has opened her box and found out. This really is not a promising start. Or a promising finish to the week. I've had better ones. Oh well.

Misters Dan Didio, Jim Lee, and Bob Wayne held court in a small room and engaged in a little q and a. One of the items addressed was the trade paperback recon of Tim’s role as Red Robin. Apparently, Tim was never intended to be a Robin-in-name and that the Robin reference was a mistake from the get go, rather than a change of mind later down the line. The panel also confirmed DC’s commitment to maintain a cohesive universe and to correct mistakes in the trade if such a correction would help maintain that continuity.

But Misters! If the continuity is actually planned out, how can such mistakes be made and thus need to be corrected?

"Ann Nocenti proves she's really Frank Miller with some anti-Chinese Dirty Commie bullshit that is otherwise impenetrable."
Worst Ann Nocenti Asides/Monologues/Dialogue

But Misters! If the continuity is actually planned out, how can such mistakes be made and thus need to be corrected?

But Misters Misters! If the Robin reference was a mistake then why was Teen Titan #0 allowed to go on sale last month, since it repeats it?

Sept 18th - DC announces that Ivan Reis will leave Aquaman after #14 and be replaced by Ardian Syaf.

Oct 14th - DC announces at NYCC that Ivan Reis will leave Aquaman after #14 and be replaced by Paul Pelletier.

This is a comic with a shipping date only 9 weeks away.