Remake/Remodel: DC Rebirth so you don't have to

These threads are a reassuring reminder that I'm missing nothing by avoiding post 1990s DC comics

Seriously, what a nightmarish era to be running a comic book shop

do it felicity

Yes please to someone else joining me (I am behind in reading).

These threads are a reassuring reminder that I'm missing nothing by avoiding post 1990s DC comics

― Crazy Eddie & Jesus the Kid (Raymond Cummings), Wednesday, June 15, 2016 9:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ooooh, even as a hardcore Marvel stan, I want to give you a recommendations list. Despite current appearances to the contrary, they've put out some really good stuff in the past twenty years!

I've heard so many good things about Snyder's Batman but I know it's been tainted by a number of crossovers so I don't know if I'll ever muster the courage to actually read it.

Yeah, make no mistake there has been a lot of good comics printed. The trouble is that DC don't seem to know it, and neither do the public (which may be down to DC not pushing them) c.f. Dial H.

Of course, the same is true of Marvel.

I read a book or two of Snyder Batman, it was dumb

will write up some rebirths in a lil bit; just picked up a bunch more of the reboot so there's a deep dive in my soon to be future.
i haven't tried to follow a DC universe reboot since Millenium I think; figured this would be an interesting side project. thus far it's not but it is a heads up into how convoluted they've made the timelines and storylines and reader experience.

Yeah, comicsalliance talked a bit about the convolutions here: http://comicsalliance.com/dc-universe-rebirth-1-roundtable-review/

Millennium was just a two-month crossover, no rebooting involved

(Legends the year before was still doing some boundary-drawing in the wake of Crisis, but not newly changing anything)

more dating myself there; as you say, that's all post crisis cleanup. I do remember waiting breathlessly to buy next issues of the man of steel and perez's wonder woman.
those were the days.

Aquaman Rebirth's writing isn't as bad as, say, Green Lanterns or Green Arrow and the storyline is hardly as convoluted or pointless as Superman. This one's more of a (you should forgive the pun) superstandard book. Plot in a nutshell is the most traditional of first issue intros: a monster attack is thwarted by a superhero and then a new bigtime baddie (SPOILERS: it's Black Manta again) is revealed on the last splash page. If you've read a comic before, you've read this comic already. The art is a confusing mix of five pages of high-detail, dark brooding Image-ry in front and back and the bulk of the work in plasticine orange and teal cartoonishness; the jolting switch from style to style doesn't help build the tension. Compare these two images, only a few pages removed and you tell me what the tone is meant to be:

http://i.imgur.com/c8Shc8q.png

http://i.imgur.com/FKUH7rC.png

Trite and true traditions and Deadline Doom aside, Dan Abnett does a workman's job of injecting some semblance of ham handed complexity to the story. The monsters attacking the surface dwellers are controlled by a fanatical group called The Deluge, "an Atlantean terror cell FIERCELY xenophobic". Just in case you need it spelled out to you:

http://i.imgur.com/cgrwzxn.png

So they're ISIS and Aquaman is Obama, to grab an imperfect simile. Aquaman is the hero stuck between worlds with only the council of his queen Michel- I mean MERA to counsel him the best way forward. There's the suggestion that Aquaman is already exhausted balancing hawks on land and on sea and I suppose dark and brooding NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THIS POWER Aquaman is as reasonable an option as any for a character that really never found a character defining arc. As an aside, I always thought a good take would be an Alan Moore approach and instead of having him "talk to fish", (though apparently he's sensitive about that too?) -

http://i.imgur.com/qNqc3d3.png

- why not have him talk directly to all the microlife in the sea: coalescing plankton and algae and effectively controlling water _itself_, perhaps as an emissary of "the blue" to Swampy's green. Hell, that would power him up to be notably stronger than Superman even and rebuild him as a character who would only come out when the gloves were truly off. Sorta like what they used to do with The Spectre.

Nonetheless, I appreciate them not forcing the rip van winkle beard or captain hook arm on this incarnation; he's an Aquaman familiar to anyone from the Superfriends. I imagine we're bound for a lot of ripped-from-the-headlines suicide bomber and anti-atlantean trooper face offs with our hopey-changey stand in stuck in between.

so, Flash Rebirth. Um, have you seen the Jason Pearson alt cover? You'll believe a man can run without an ass.

http://i.imgur.com/bG0NxxO.png

Even contemporary Frank Miller isn't that sloppy with his chiaroscuro. Di Giandomenico's interior art is an improvement of sorts but his willowy and pensive Metal Hurlant eurostyle is an awkward fit for a book about movement. All's fine when it's just people talking but the (unfortunately very many) flashback panels or fight sequences are labored and the computer-added electric speed force effect unnecessarily crowds the panel. I can deal with it but, especially given the density of the text surrounding the already sketchy art, it's not easy on the eyes.

http://i.imgur.com/kCkINom.png

http://i.imgur.com/C7NMxXh.png

http://i.imgur.com/BFlVIJt.png

So let's talk about that story density. Joshua Williamson is the writer and he's the creator of a handful of Image books run through a Vertigo filter that I flipped through once and never came back to: Ghosted, Nailbiter, Birthright.
He's been tasked here with adding 2+2 and making 15; in one issue we have an origin story, an alter-ego story, family drama, loads of backstory from the last incarnation of the character, the resurrection of a missing character (kid flash), the introduction of a new storyline (a shadowy character has rewritten everyone's memories and revamped continuity and who knows what's real anymore!!!?!?!?!!), a double splash page and two pages of batman team up with TWENTY separate boxes of background text arduously linking all this to the soon-to-be-revealed Dr. Manhattan Rebirth storyline on the strength of The Comedian's blood smeared happy face pin. It adds up to too much of nothing much, a mini-series crammed into 20 pages because we gotta get this goddamn ungainly bird off the ground. I barely know what's happening but it's clear this is meant to be the key storyline to open up the larger themes of rebirth so good luck figuring out why or where we're going from here.

I trust Greg Rucka as a writer; generally he does okay even when he's tasked with thankless work. Wonder Woman Rebirth asks more of him than is fair and it mostly capsizes under its own weight. Again, the balance of words to images is roughly one sentence of omniscient narrator per panel and that's not comics so much as it is Prince Valiant.

http://i.imgur.com/ZVfIUsV.png

Even so, what Rucka's trying to do here is less convoluted and explain-y than most of the other books; he's miles better with dialogue and monologue than most of his DC colleagues. Wonder Woman, armed with a magic lasso of truth, has begun to see through multiple continuities and she doesn't appreciate the idea that she's being regularly rewritten to match some other unknown (presumably male) plotline. So she challenges reality itself and heads off after "God".

http://i.imgur.com/bwAA8Dm.png

It's not much different than the plot of Preacher in some ways but I'm hopeful Rucka can do something interesting with it. Lord knows that Morrison reboot did the character no favors.

This is another book with a bunch of different artists providing an array of different styles. My favorite is Liam Sharp who does a decent job of layout and detail. In any case, it's hard to make heads or tails of all these glimpses of story and drawn-by-committee books; even the best of them don't succeed at telling a coherent story. Wonder Woman is probably among the stronger of the pack but it's still barely a prologue.

Man, I can't even muster enough curiosity of the morbid variety to actually read this stuff. Glad youse guys are sacrificing yourself to the cause for our entertainment, though.

I'm not high, but trying to read those Aquaman pages made me feel like I was.

i just read Green Lanterns 1, Green Arrow 1, Superman 1, Titans Rebirth, Superman 1, Dark Knight Returns: The Darkening 1 and Batman 1. One of them is pretty good. Guess which one.

The Darkening, but only if that's its actual name.

ha, no:
http://io9.gizmodo.com/the-dark-knight-returns-story-that-shows-why-bruce-wayn-1782115435

Oy the Miller thing is such sentimental-but-nihilistic garbage.

Tom King's debut was nothing special but I'm curious to read the next issue, at least.

Story reminded me/was a pale imitation of a great old (I think) Messner-Loebs comic where WallyFlash rescues a passenger who's fallen out of an airplane.

Nice to see John Workman - though it says a lot that I was more excited about the lettering than the comic.

wait, "DKIII" isn't even over yet (right?) and they've added another spin-off? surely then Miller would be even less involved than in the main series?

Aquaman Rebirth

w: Dan Abnett a: Scot Eaton & Oscars Jiminez

OH NOES AN ATLANTEAN TERRORIST CELL. This has been a feature of modern day DC for about a decade now - Atlantis launched a genocidal terror attack that destroyed all the cities on the US East Coast (but only for about a month) and killed over a billion (but only for a week) for example and Geoff Johns' entire era (and the bleed into other Johnsiverse writers) was dominated with terrorist cells in varying versions of Atlantis; in fact now I think about it Arthur and Mera have been together, not together, never together, married, on opposite sides... plus Arthur has been king, not king, always king, never king, future Arthur, fake Arthur, Arthur The Legend...I always thought it was just confused rubbish, but MAYBE it was BEFORE REBIRTH. Or am I crediting Johns with too much intelligence? Actually, don't answer that.

So with that in mind, this just reads like an overly wordy attempt to capture all of that. There are very many words in this. An awful lot. And Geoff Johns did the "everyone laughs at Aquaman" thing to kick of the Johnsiverse version too.

I guess if I hadn't been reading it up till now this might have been good, but it just felt like a retread (albeit fairly well crafted). But once more No Rebirth Content.

One more thing to note: the flooding of Gotham was 'one year ago' and was in 2013. Which puts this book in 2014. 80s Superman is in 2016, I can't remember how this was made clear but trust me on this one. So two of their books ARE NOT IN DIRECT CONTINUITY WITH EACH OTHER ALREADY. And they haven't got to #1 yet. My head hurts.

Flash Rebirth

w: Joshua Williamson a: Carmine di Giandomenico

ATTN TUOMAS ACTUAL REBIRTH CONTENT srsly if there is a DCU Rebirth #2 it's this.

Starting off, Barry gets flashbacks/forwards/sideways to whenever his mother died (or didn't) meaning this is both pretty and post Flashpoint in that this is the Barry that came back but whose mother was still killed. That's already too confusing but at least it means this must happen after DCU Rebirth because Barry knows he is a/the Psycho Pirate.

Hang on though, not till later. So we can extrapolate now that there's a speed force thing that allows the knowledge? Barry wants to tell Iris but Wally won't let him (which is the reverse of the TV show so well done on bringing THOSE readers in) but both Flashes agree they know best and that they'll sort it out. So Barry goes off to see Bats and they agree that Quis Custodiet etc and it'll happen in a later issue or somewhere else. More likely the latter as the last page of the issue seems to suggest that Barry's mum dies soon in some kind of narrative causality thing.

I liked this a fair bunch, it could have been more direct but at least the art was individualistic and non-Liefeldy so looked DIFFERENT. Long live that sort of thing.

Wonder Woman Rebirth

w: Greg Rucks a: a giant clusterfuck of people

Talking of retreads, as I was earlier, this issue compresses about 6 issues of Promethea into one and Wonder Woman realises she is a Psycho Pirate too.

Actually, this is a fairly dynamic read and keeps a pace until the end. And IS INTERESTING. Comics aren't just for kids, they are also for people that can hold a couple of vague things in their heads and can remember. On this evidence it's worth sticking with but I have no idea how the odd/even number stuff will work in practicality. Despite that I can quite happily say I'll stick around to find out. (ps NO REBIRTH)

Action Comics 957 (Rebirth)

w: Dan Jurgens a: Patrick Zircher

And so we get into the first of the Rebirth/Not Rebirth/But Rebirth issues.

After some minor tension, yes, Lex Luthor is Superman in the oldest Superman book. This causes Jonathan Kent (no, that one, the sun of 80s Supes) to throw a tantrum so 80s Supes teaches him how to shave then flies off to the future. Him and Lex argue about who's better and then they have a very poor quality fight until ANOTHER CLARK KENT TURNS UP. Now obviously the smart money is on Johnsiverse Supes being brought back to life but seeing as since half of Supes Rebirth LAST FUCKING WEEK said he was DOUBLE PLUS DEAD NO COMEBACKS it's really quick to cave in. Plus Doomsday in a Hazmat Suit WELL JUST FUCKING BECAUSE turn-up at the end to provide something resembling a reason to buy this again.

(Rebirth content is an irrational number which when you divide by it tends towards infinity)

Detective Comics #934 (Rebirth)

w: Peter Tension IV a: Eddy Barrows & Eber Ferreira

In other nostalgia news, the first 1/3 of this book is a Bats vs Azrael FITE which is from BitD based on the costumes.

The rest is about making a team book from a non-team book. Bats tells Kate Kane he's Bruce then they set about getting various Bat People (Spoiler, Red Robin) to be Bat People again without any hints as to why they stopped being Bat People or why they would want to again.

This is being put together by, and to defeat a mystery man. I care not who at this point.

Rebirth content is zip, but at least they have an inexplicable gap in their lives.

aldo you wanna split up the next batch so that we don't burn out? i'll take green arrow, batman, DKR if you take titans rebirth, green lanterns and superman

BitD?

(Back in the Day)

Happy to split them up, although that means we missed the chance to call the thread The Brave And The Bold.

A super hero team up for the ages

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT! THE TEAM UP OF THE CENTURY! World's Dumbest Comics Reporting Presents:

Titans Rebirth

w: Dan Abnett a: Brett Booth & Norm Rapmund

TUOMAS SIRENS: WITHIN IS ACTUAL REBIRTH PLOT ALSO NB THIS IS TITANS NOT TEEN TITANS WHICH IS A DIFFERENT BOOK WITH A DIFFERENT KID FLASH

Ok, so Wally breaks into Titans Tower to steal the naked shower pics he took of Wonder Girl back when he existed and instead only finds that he's been cosmically photoshopped out of Titans history like Nightwang was Uncle Joe. Dick finds him but Wally somehow makes lightning come out of his hands and it's not just any old lightning, it's special MEMORY RESTORE LIGHTNING. So, Dick remembers who he is but everybody else just think he's some kind of superburglar and attack him. Each time they touch him they get the magic lightning too until everyone is up to speed, or at least they are if they read Titans Hunt (which a handy boxout points out you should have read. Comics! They're not just for people with more money and time than sense any more!) and we get some flashbacks of teenagers having fun, or maybe a 'ten years ago' Facebook montage. Wally turns all Twin Peaks Giant then finds the photos have him in them again after all. Sounds more like Marty McFly to me.

I like my Titans more Teen than this, but I'll take what I get at this point. At least it advanced the Rebirth plot, even if it's glacial and arguably only one page.

Green Lanterns #1

w: Sam Humphries a: Robson Rocha & Jay Leisten

The first couple of pages recap GL Rebirth which came out TWO WEEKS AGO. Seriously dudes, we can remember that long ago. It's really not that difficult and you haven't even published that much in the interim for us to read. Anyway, then The Odd Couple investigate a house their rings tell them to where they meet a punk guy with a home-made Red Lantern t-shirt. DIY TILL I DIE. They knock him out and find he has an ACTUAL Red Lantern nailed to his wall while dramatic music plays at the bottom of the screen (which reads baBUMbaBUMbaBUMbaBUM, although this could be Brokeback Pose Bleez's walk on music). Once Agoraphobic Lantern has been sick into the giant pile of corpses that's mysteriously in a floor space they decide it's a matter for the actual police and not them. Despite the actual alien and their rings telling them it was theirs to deal with. World's Laziest, and this irony is not lost on the police who suspect they're just cosplayers.

This has all just been a distraction so that a Red Lantern bomb can go off, which
... I genuinely don't know. I thought at first it killed everyone and transformed the landscape, then I thought it transported them to the Red Lantern planet; but then ARGUS just turn up and tell them to leave. So they do, and go back to their normal lives which are unchanged so the bomb did... nothing?

It looks like this was all Bleez's plan, as we can tell from the page where she smiles as Atrocitous chokes her in order to give himself the Rage Seed. I wish I had made that up.

Agoraphobic Lantern has a panic attack in Bed, Bath and Beyond and Terrorist Lantern has a rant about profiling before he gets a new Lantern power that lets him read the next issue of Previews. All of this makes Atrocitous' Groin turn into a giant red ball and he boasts about how he's going to split the Odd Couple up. Let no man put asunder what Hal Jordan has put together.

Confusing bomb excepted this isn't actually too bad a read but it's also Just Another Lantern Story with all too familiar Johns-era tropes. And added baBUMbaBUMbaBUMbaBUM sound effects on multiple pages.

Superman #1

w: Peter J Tomasi & Patrick Gleason a: Patrick Gleason & Mick Gray

In case you missed it in the other books we get a quick reminder that 80s Superman died back when he was Superman, and that Johnsiverse Superman is dead but hasn't come back although he does appear to have anti-theft paint on his grave. And that he's ditched the Hipster In Mourning look and started dressing like Superman again because he doesn't have to worry about getting confused with the dead guy.

This is a really nice domestic book about living on a farm and doing perfectly normal things like setting fire to birds with your heat vision. A girl likes Jonathan despite this and she brings him some milk in the evening.

The Justice League turn up near the end and the next issue will no doubt spoil things, but I'd quite happily read more episodes of Harvest Moon monthly just to see whether the tractor can actually be fixed or needs replacing, or whether Colorado Beetle (NOT A SUPERHERO) will affect the potato harvest. A completely unexpected delight.

P.S. No Rebirth in here either.

The cat thing was ridiculously gratuitous. Did not like.

Also Lois Lane: you are not much fun anymore! Is there a new version of fridging where female characters just get erased from continuity or made boring? (See also Mary Jane, Kirsten in Daredevil, etc)

Dark Knight Returns: Even Darker than You Thought is a comic book set at some unknowable time between the signposts of Year One and The Dark Knight Returns (but importantly BEFORE Death in the Family), telling the story of how and why Batman finally retired. It is listed as being co-written by Frank Miller and Brian Azzarello but Azzarello's voice comes through clearest. Even if it is sadistic grim'n'gritty done all over again for no clear reason except DC needs to keep the lights on, it is a readable and essentially coherent story. It's not pleasant or enjoyable but, unlike several of the books we've touched on this month, you can follow what's going on without having to check wikipedia. So it's got that going for it.
The art is John Romita Jr. through the prism of Peter Stegerwald on inks and colors and between the two of them they do a reasonable job of aping Miller's now cliched banal yin of tiny talking television boxes:
http://i.imgur.com/suSCWa7.png

and the in-the-grip-of-puberty yang of gleeful, convoluted Fight Club chic:
http://i.imgur.com/vtEE582.png

Plot synopsis is that Bruce Wayne is losing a step and Jason Todd is getting into the old ultraviolence in a way that's distressing Batman. The Joker escapes Arkham because he's the Joker. Wayne is badly beaten by Croc. He finds Poison Ivy in the midst of seducing Gotham's elite. Wayne is badly beaten by Croc again. Unable to patrol, he tells Jason to stand down. Jason doesn't and is beaten down by a bunch of Joker goons. Cliffhanger. The End. This may sound familiar. It better, it's been done a half dozen times. Do comic readers really want the same story peddled to them over and over? DC says yes.

This is miles better than DK3 to a sober eye but at least that trainwreck took a certain madhouse glee with Miller's batshittery. This is workmanlike but unimaginative and it takes itself entirely too seriously.
http://i.imgur.com/3sXE5UU.png

ELSEWORLDS BRAVE & THE BOLD (because I just had to comment on the books after all)

Batman #1

w: Tom King a: David Finch & Matt Banning

Sometimes the simple stories are the best. Terrorists have fired a surface to air missile at a plane above Gotham, knocking the tail off it and making it crash right in the centre of Gotham. All the flying Justice Leaguers are all having a hot tub together so Bats has to fix it himself. And this is where it gets ridiculous.

Allowing only a minute for Bats to get from the rooftop and get the Batmobile driving, then a 53 second journey (from the text) then three minutes before impact (again, from the text) it means a crashing plane takes AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES to hit central Gotham having started crashing over central Gotham. Around 3 minutes of this are at only about 20 storeys up. Even ignoring the fact Bats gets on the back of it and flies it by ropes like he was breaking in a recalcitrant pony, this is patently bollocks and too incredulous for this to be a successful issue.

But the whole point is to introduce a new hero to Gotham. He's called Gotham and his sidekick is called Gotham Girl. As Efrem Zimbalist Jr said to Efrem Zimbalist Sr, "dad, ain't you got no fucking imagination?" All the speculation was that this was Nite Owl and Silk Spectre in disguise, but they can fly so scratch that one. Could they be <choke> new characters? FIND OUT EVENTUALLY, PROBABLY IN A DIFFERENT BOOK.

Green Arrow #1

w: Benjamin Percy a: Otto Schmidt

SAINTS BE PRAISED, TWO CONSECUTIVE ISSUES THAT ACTUALLY TELL A CONTINUING STORY

Ollie and Dinah have finished their afternoon delight and are after the people smugglers. This involves much kicking to the face (or "putting my fishnets to use" as Dinah has it, in a completely inaccurate description). In fact, this book is a goldmine for dreadful dialogue. "TRY TO OBJECTIFY ME AND YOU'LL BLEED. BECAUSE I'M A WEAPON."

Baddies fought, it's time to go back to the ArrowCave to have some traditional post-fite rumpy-pumpy. Then a ride around the city, showing your fuckbuddy what a great philanthropist you are by naming civic facilities after yourself in epic humblebrag.

Shado puts about a dozen arrows in Ollie because she's working for Masked Smuggler Guy, who also happens to work for Ollie as Chief Tuxedo Tester. He's not much of a judge of character, clearly. IS HE DEADED? (Of course he won't be, but it would be fun if he was.)

"TRY TO OBJECTIFY ME AND YOU'LL BLEED. BECAUSE I'M A WEAPON."

weapons are objects afaik

i guess she's saying that's the consequence of objectification? lol

But the whole point is to introduce a new hero to Gotham

Holy shit, aren't there now about 391 superheroes there?

tbf, their rates of purse snatching, bank robbery, police corruption and straight-up serial murder are pretty high compared to other DCU cities

i was running slow but yes, Green arrow is the worst.
Compare and contrast:

http://i.imgur.com/R7x3vyQ.png
http://i.imgur.com/yRHgSRo.png
http://i.imgur.com/N3sqJPs.png
http://i.imgur.com/0iAc7CZ.png
http://i.imgur.com/mimVXAN.png

women are desperately need of saving except they're not and they're totally empowered, now check out her ass

the "happiness is... " series of lines is, i think, presented entirely without intention to nod to schulz but it's fun to imagine those captions with snoopy and lucy

'well-oiled mitt'

the disconnect between the art and the dialogue suggests the two creative leads are working via a patchy skype connection

Seriously! I expected that one panel to end with "Maxwell House. It really eases the pain of constant loss!"

I'd like to know how "getting close" to bands has hurt Black Canary. Maybe she didn't like Frankie Sinatra either?

Action Comics #958
w: Dan Jurgens a: Patrick Zircher

Talk about shooting your bolt early. After a minor recap, yet again, of the previous year's Superman continuity 80s Superman fights 80s Doomsday (the one that killed him) who he recognises because he's in disguise as a HYDRA agent. Mr Oz (who is white with green eyes, clue hunters) watches on in surprise the plot has moved on that quickly. 80s Lois tells Jonathan 80s Superman's real continuity in 80s Superman Universe and All New Clark Kent acts all mysterious like he's Depowered Superman.

80s Superman and Luthor Superman get all punchy with Doomsday, pausing only to rescue the pesky civilians that get in the way of the destruction. Doomsday is about to crush Luthor Superman's head as Mr Oz watches through his magic See Everywhere Without Cameras televisions and wonders what will happen next because until it does he has no idea what the plot after it is. You and me both buddy, you and me both.

Aquaman #1
w: Dan Abnett a: Brad Walker & Andrew Hennessey

Arthur and Mera talk about how nice it is to be married, throws away last issue's plot and explains at length how diplomatic relations will work in his future Atlantean paradise (now he's definitely Atlantean again, no fingers crossed, no takebacks). Black Manta watches them through binoculars from another cliff top, presumably in case they make out. The scene cuts to the Atlantean Embassy where we get a ridiculously long "first day on the job" section for not one but TWO characters before Arthur turns up. At which point, of course, the British one says "Crikey".

There's an 'amusing' section about the buffet where Mera is concerned about it (because she's a woman DUH so who else would get worried). She is DAD DANCING ALERT worried they'll get "a bad Trip Advisor for our food." The British one says "Crikey" again. I see a catchphrase coming.

And then, quick as a flash, plot happens. Black Manta has been disguised as a reporter and has placed bombs on the inner wall. This blows up the outer wall because PHYSICS which despite being above sea level (according to the dialogue) is actually below sea level (according to a couple of images which appear to have people swimming outside the windows) and causes the water to flood in badly and then not badly depending on whether the plot needs a giant wave or a knee deep puddle. The British One graduates to "oh my God."

I graduate to "Jesus Tittyfucking Christ". This isn't really that bad in high level concept, but the execution is just turgid.

Detective Comics #935
w: James Tynion IV a: Eddy Barrows & Eber Ferreira

The Bat Titans are in the Bat Danger Room practicing BatBall Specials against an army of Jokers before giving up because they're a bit tired and just want to watch a bit of Robot Chicken. Then the SECRETS OF THE BAT DANGER ROOM ARE REVEALED! It turns out to be called the Mud Room and it actually leftover bits of Clayface the BatPuter has made into a giant animatronic. But where do they get leftover bits of Clayface you ask? Simple, they fix him up to a machine and pull bits off when they need them. HOLY HUMAN TRAFFICKING BATMAN!

Blah blah very talky blah blah catch up about Azrael blah blah mention every Bat Titan by name blah blah OH LOOK PLOT SOMETHING IS CALLED COLONY blah blah more talky

Fifty people (we know, because they tell us) turn up to punch Bats. I HAVE A SUSPICION THEY ARE COLONY.

Flash #1
w: Joshua Williamson a: Carmine di Giandomenico

This is a #1. Like a PROPER #1. It has an origin, and background and describes the relationship between characters and shows a bit of superheroing. And then at the end Barry's partner gets shot by "the Black Hole" (no, me neither) only possibly gets speedforced instead.

So is this a full on reboot? It reads like a completely new jumping on point for new buyers but for even converts from the TV show it only says things they already knew. I suppose as a Flash fanboy you'd expect me to say I liked it and I did, but it's utterly unnecessary.

Wonder Woman #1

w: Greg Rucka a: Liam Sharp

Watch! As WW explains how she's a Psycho Pirate! Gasp! As this takes place against a series of unrelated pictures from Jungle Fantasy! Choke! As the plot abruptly shifts to Etta Candy just as Stereotypical Cannibal Mans are about to come out of the jungle! Amaze! As Steve Trevor fights terrists in some undefined African Country (possibly BWUNDA)! Fantasy! Back in the jungle for some butt shots! Listen! As Steve Trevor/Diana backstory gets filled in! Shriek! As WW is attacked by what seems to be an army of Man Bats! Politics! As it turns out Steve Trevor is after Boko Haram! Plot! As the villain WW is after turns out to be the Cheetah who Diana needs to find Themiscrya! Struggle! As you try and think what this is all for!

great chronicle of aldo losing his mind

lol @ action comics smh

of the previous year's Superman continuity 80s Superman fights 80s Doomsday

Sans the comma, it does kind of sound like you're having a breakdown here.

i can't really keep up to be honest; these are very hard reads.

No no no, you are mistaken, this is a reboot and therefore great pains have been taken to make everything new reader friendly.

so idly wondering if Donna Troy still exists, and if so who she is now. as her history was rewritten so many times, getting more convoluted each time, was curious.