Action Comics #959
w: Dan Jurgens a: Tyler Kirkham
Quick, let's catch up like we didn't read Death of Superman (despite it having been done in the last two issues)! It can't hurt, right? We can get 80s Lois to tell Superkiddy.
Now let's get Johnsiverse Jimmy to tell Clark Not Superman that he's Superman so he can say he's Clark Not Superman not Superman or 80s Superman.
Bored with this already? So am I.
Mr Oz (oooooh sekrits) watches 80s Superman and Luthor Superman fail to beat Doomsday only for Luthorman to pull out the Mother Box from his armour that he hid in there when he stayed forever on Apokolips as their ruler at the end of Justice League Beat Up Darkseid And Baby Magic. So in a plot that can't be in the same continuity as this.
Clark Not Superman falls in a sewer and we get another giant explanation of how he's Clark Not Superman and not Superman.
This is really wearying tbh.
Superkiddy thinks Luthorman is a better Superman than Superdad is. But neither of them are good enough to beat Doomsday and he closes in on Clark Not Superman. Oh NOES! Who will save the day? (The next issue box spoils that it's Wonder Woman.)
Dreadful repetitive stuff.
Detective Comics #936
w: James Tynion IV a: Alvaro Martinez & Raul Fernandez
Batman gets a good kicking from Colony (because it turns out that is who it was at the end of the last issue). We know that because Tim Robin and Batwoman are watching it on the big screen and Tim Robin tells us it it's them; pretty remarkable really because last issue nobody had even heard of them but now he knows exactly what they look like.
After an awful lot of standing around watching the screen Batwoman introduces her dad who will save them all but in a SHOCKING TWIST it turns out he's actually the one behind Colony because he hates the Bat Family for an unspecified reason (but probably daddy issues). He asks Kate to be the anti-Bat Woman but she'd rather go and live in a Clayface ball.
Unnecessarily complex storytelling makes this a chore.
Hal Jordan & the GL Corps Rebirth
w: Robert Venditti a: Ethan van Sciver
Sinestro, who has inexplicably aged since he left the Johnsiverse, has build a planet that he has moved through space to be the new Oa so he can rule it with his friend Lingerie Lantern. Hal Jordan comes out of a cave on Planet of the Caves but he's actually only a construct of his own ring. OOH META.
He catches us all up on GL101 including telling us that Simon Baz is dead which kind of buggers up Green Lanterns now, doesn't it. Or rather, it gives us two different Rebirth continuities and not all the first issues are out yet.
Hal then uses some more constructs to smash the Gauntlet (which only makes sense if you read the Hal & Kyle Johnsiverse books). This reverses some bits of Johnsiverse history, but not some others, and it's already far too complicated and mired in at least 5 other books. Then Hal becomes a real boy like Pinnochio and recites his oath to charge his ring from a lantern that doesn't exist.
Parallax is helping Sinestro. Like any of us care.
New Superman #1
w: Gene Luen Yang a: Viktor Bogdanovic & Richard Friend
The primer: this is Chinese Superman, grown in a test tube and the only one of the Secret Chinese Superman Growing Programme that hasn't self-combusted. There you go, now you don't have to read a year of comics from the end of the Johnsiverse.
Anyway, this is the secret origin of him (Kong Kenan), the young reporter (Laney Lan) and the boy he bullies before becoming Chinese Superman (Luo Lixin).
After an interminable Yellowface version of Superman's history The Ministry of Self Reliance make Kong New Superman then because he can't control his powers they call in Yellowface Batman and Yellowface Wonder Woman to stop him. Next month we'll get Yellowface Justice League. Who aren't the GMoz Chinese heroes, even though they were used in the Johnsiverse as late as the final months.
Maybe this will be ok. But the signs aren't good.
Nightwing Rebirth
w: Tim Seeley a: Yanick Paquette
To be clear, this is the Rebirth of Grayson and not Nightwang. After finding out which book the other characters from Grayson are in (Batgirl & the Birds of Prey, which is presumably going to be a pretty crowded book) Dick and Damien play video games while saying HUNDREDS of words. There are some flashbacks to Dick playing with his old Spyral friends, and Midnighter playing with Dick and giving him a bag of poppers in a frantic attempt to drum up some excitement.
The bag of poppers turns out to be a bomb removal device to save Damien's life, which literally wasn't mentioned before it was resolved. The Owls have moved to Greece and swapped their white masks for black ones to confuse Batman just before Lincoln March gets killed by someone who is either Talon or Nite Owl.
Dick decides to be Nightwang again and not Grayson to confuse the Owls but to be honest they seem like an easily confused bunch so he might be overthinking it.
I liked Grayson. I'd rather have it back than Nightwang.
Flash #2
w: Joshua Williamson a: Carmine di Giandomenico
Flash tries to teach August Heart how to be a Speedster but he's too scared to try - although he does get one skill from the Speed Force which is to know Barry's secret identity.
A very talky issue skirts round Wally being a speedster, Iris being a reporter and August wanting to Flashpoint his brother. Eventually through Evolution of a Hero he becomes <name TBA> and helps the Flash. And because the Speed Force is sentient now... it decides helping Barry is good so turns all of Central City into Flashes.
An original plot SHOCKER. Looking forward to seeing how this develops, although it feels like it might be slight.
Wonder Woman #2
w: Greg Rucka a: Nicola Scott
Now remember, the odd and even numbered issues of WW are completely different stories. I had forgotten myself until I started reading and wondered what had happened to the jungle.
So, this is the origin of WW and how Steve Trevor gets to Themiscrya in the first place. All the Amazons talk in bold type which makes it seem like they're permanently shouting. Anyway, cutting to the chase you've read this book hundreds of times before and it's as boring as that sounds.
This does potentially mean that the odd and even issues are in different continuities and the final Johnsiverse revelations don't apply in the even issues. I might just read the odd ones in future because they're 100x better than this. You'd never guess Didio and Johns planned this chaos.
― suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 18 July 2016 17:46 (eight years ago) link