YOUR WARLOCK TOP TEN FOR RIGHT NOW

#1 ROCKETO!
THEY CAN'T KEEP THIS SHIT ON THE SHELVES! THEY CAN'T EVEN GET IT TO THE SHELVES!

ARTISTS [list movement]:

1) Michael Lark [+25 panels per page]
2) Frazier Irving [-1 less issue of Iron Man]
3) Adrian Alphonsa [+1 old round-faced woman]
4) Ted Naifeh [+6 four-fingered pirates]
5) Doug Mahnke [-3 Batlips]
6) Stuart Immommen [+1 huge Foom dong]
7) Steve Epting [-1 fill-in]
8) Bryan Hitch [-4 fingernails]
9) Travel Foreman [- Dad hair, + mohawk]
10) Ryan Sook [- X-Factor, damn it]

TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO NAME A COMIC MAG WIZARD:

1. Weather Wizard
3. Wizard of Id
54. No Wizard Ever Joined the Justice League, Not Even Justice League Task Force
145. HE WAS A SORCEROR.
242. SHE WAS A SORCERESS
1531. LISTS + WIZARD = LIZTARDED

1) Iron Melon
2) Captain Americanteloupe
3) Apawpawcalypse
4) Gooseberry Allen
5) The Purple Potato Man
6) The Mandarin
7) Hulk-Lettuce
8) Green Lanturnip
9) Cider-Woman
10) Galactus In Light Syrup

1) Boobs
2) Rape jokes
3) Gayness
4) Gay jokes
5) Gay boob jokes
6) Gay rape
7) Boob rape
8) Rape rape
9) The gayness of gay boob rape
10) Alex Ross

1) Brokebackvengers
2) X-Brokeback
3) Justice League of Brokeback
4) D.Brokeback 7
5) X-Brokeback-inators
6) Fallen Brokebacks
7) Challengers of the Brokeback
8) Fantastic Brokeback
9) Brotherhood of Brokeback Mutants
10) Superfriends

(Possible rewrite: "Avengers? More like BROKEBACKvengers" etc.)

Brokebackvengers Bro-semmble!

> 10) Galactus In Light Syrup

Dude! I LOVED their first album.

What You Would Have Heard If Wolverine Had Hosted the Oscars Instead of Jon Stewart:

1. "Syriana? I killed a guy there."
2. "Capote? Is that Sabretooth's kid brother?"
3. "BROKEBACK BERSERKER RAGE!"
4. "Ang Lee is the first director to win an Academy Award by going from a film that's a metaphor for a boners to a film that's actually about boners. Bub."
5. "I tried out for the Felicity Huffman's role in Transamerica, but my healing factor kept growing my wang back."
6. "Scarlett Johanson's just happy I didn't run into her on the red carpet. SNKKT!"
7. "er, I ran out of jokes, bub"

At some point, y'know - around #13, I think? - the Warlock EIC is going to have to kill themselves.

We'll have to plan around that.

We (the editorial board) should set up a 1-900 #.

Potential revenue stream! I like it!

Issue #1: Mona Lisa Ludatits vs. Human Torch Makeout Artist Hologram Cover

NO! Fuck a hologram, every 100th issue features special variant COMBUSTIBLE-in-SUNLIGHT COVER

With a 100:1 dealer incentive asbestos version!

Also, the inside pages of EVERY ISSUE should be made of chromium.

Green Arrow finds the EIC doing heroin. Readers vote: does he live or does he die?

Every issue has a "stuff we hate" column called THE FINGER.

Not so much "stuff we hate" as "stuff we sternly disapprove of."

We also need an ASK GRANT MORRISON column, where folks send him questions about love and life and neutrinos.

Yes, but someone else answers, like Howard Mackie or someone.

Also, Hembeck gets a comic strip, just because. Maybe an Infinite Crisis comic strip. Maybe he just retells Infinite Crisis!

i would like to see an Op-Ed column by Bob Rozakis! let's make this happen!

Got chromium?

Jonah Hex Swimsuit Special!

SPECIAL WARLOCK EXCLUSIVE:
NEW PHOTOS OF DAVID HYDE PIERCE AS LIL' BEAST!

To hell w/ Johan Hex - the TEN TERRIFIC SWIMSUIT EXXXTRAVAGANZA!

JOEY Q'S SPEEDO ADVENTURE IN WARLOCK'S COMPANY SAUNA!

WARLOCK TOP NINE LIST Up NOW!

UH WHERE

I'm glad you asked.
http://www.myspace.com/warlockmag  

LOL

Dude, you got Cully Hamner in your friend's group! You sassy smoothy!

PS - I WANNA INTERN

My friends have doubled in just one day! Clearly the Warlock Revolution is afoot.

"urban deYAY" I kiss you Warlock-L!

like making lists when bored!!!

1. MARVEL ROMANCE REDUX. This shit is hilarious.
2. Renee Montoya in 52/52 not being unreadable like I feared(/hoped?)
3. HULK IN SPACE
4. Ed Brubaker's Daredevil/Captain America and the possibility of him writing a good X-Men Series (despite Deadly Genesis.)
5. GRANT MORRISON... IS GOING TO WRITE... BATMAN!!!
6. Up, Up & Away!
7. Rocketo. Thanks, ILC!
8. Gratuitously gory Warren Ellis books
9. Cheapo Q&C Classified trades
10. Having a friend who works at a comic book store (nudge nudge, wink wink)

how's Q&C classified 2 & 3?

should i get one of those or regular Q&C #4 next time i hit the comix spot?

Q&C Declassified vol. 3 isn't written by Rucka. I don't remember if I liked Q&C:D vol. 2 that much. Just go with everyone's (second) favorite vanilla Q&C arc, vol. 4 aka "Operation: Blackwall" with the hott J. Alexander art.

Is that the one where Tara gets boobs?

She got bazungas in 3. She's also rather perky in 7.

You guys and your boob fetishes are THE NUMBER ONE THING ruining comics.

DO NOT WANT (much)

THE DREAM:

"They don’t read comic books, they read WARLOCK MAGAZINE! Or at least the publishers think they do. Either way the result is the same. For all the disgust you’ll hear about WARLOCK and its shoddy practices when you talk to publishers and marketing folks—and I have yet to hear a single good word from anybody about this thing that ought to come on a roll—for all of that, the publishers kow-tow. Even though this tree killer here regularly cheapens and poisons our field. Aesthetically and ethically, they grovel."

In light of recent events surrounding the cancellation of Dan Slott's Thing series, we here at the WARLOCK MAGAZINE MAGAZINE have been contemplating a paradigm shift from mere Myspace hijinks to, I dunno, something else. Blogger? LJ?
WARLOCK MAGAZINE MAGAZINE would appreciate yr input as we consider edging toward, I don't know, SAYING SOMETHING instead of just, um, lighting firecrackers in comicdoms' teacups.
Personally, I'm opposed to saying stuff (whether it's saying SOMETHING or saying NOTHING), but these are rough times for FUNLOVERS and THRILLSEEKERS and since no one else seems to be willing to stand up for FUN, what the hell...
If anyone has any great ideas, we wanna hear 'em. Also, please consider contributions (of content, not money, but consider sending money, too), we will entertain all entertaining ideas.
FUN VS NOFUN
WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?

FUN

I know someone w/ my name that would gladly contribute webspace & Wordpress resources to this endeavor. & I think WARLOCK MAGAZINE can be fun & nofun all @ once.

In other words - I AM ON THE WATCHER'S SIDE!

If Blogger is the deployment system of choice, then I would gladly donate my ill-gotten gains to reserve a domain name that can point to said bloggospotto.

okay

I, however, do not do windows.

i am interested only in writing tasteful erotica about lois lane, if that is the type of material your magazine is interested in.

IM WANNA DO IT

WARLOCK: you have rec'd an e-mail from my work address. Plz to respond @ your leisure. Thanks!

I've also got some server space around here somewhere. If you wanna go cheap you can set up one of them .tk URLs for free, and just direct it to whatever server winds up hosting the content.

I haf an idea that I'm actually willing to implement this time! (I did get your email w/ the Myspaze details, oh Majestik Warlok.)

Whoopee!

COMPETITION IS NERVOUS:

LETTER ONE

Hey everyone,
I'm sending this message to let you know there's going to be a new Wizard Universe! As we prepare to launch the new Wizard website on May 31, I want to make sure you know about some of the new features of wizarduniverse.com and how [your company], its creators and comics can be a part of Wizard's new online existence. The new Wizard Universe will feature breaking news, exclusive content and announcements from around the comic industry, along with regular columns by some of comics' top creators and comprehensive previews, reviews and resources for fans and creators alike. So how do you get involved? Just make sure news@wizarduniverse.com is included on your mailing list for press releases and other news, and when it comes time to make that big announcement, you'll know who to contact. We can't always fit all of the news, features and other content we'd like to have in the print version of Wizard, so I hope to provide a more comprehensive look at comics, the people who create them and the industry itself on the new wizarduniverse.com. In addition to news@wizarduniverse.com, you can also reach me, Online Editor Rick Marshall, and the rest of the Wizard Universe staff at 845-268-2000 (ext.111). In the coming weeks, expect to hear from us as we spread the word about the new Wizard Universe. I hope to hear from you in the near future!

Rick Marshall
Online Editor
Wizard Entertainment
(845) 268-2000 ext. 111
rmarshall@wizarduniverse.com
www.wizarduniverse.com

LETTER TWO

I've got exciting news. Wizard will be relaunching its website, wizarduniverse.com, on May 31, which will provide yet another venue to promote _______ projects!
We will breaking news on an ongoing basis on our website which will allow us to dedicate even more feature pages to ______ content. Our new website will also allow us to supplement ______ editorial coverage with exclusive online comic previews and exclusive online content in addition to the exclusive deals we broker for magazine usage.

Expect to hear from wizarduniverse.com news editor Rick Marshall (rmarshall@wizarduniverse.com) in the coming weeks as we discuss specifics of coverage. I would also ask that you add news@wizarduniverse.com and rmarshall@wizarduniverse.com to your press release routing list.

Thanks, and I'll talk to you soon!

Mel __________________________

Mel Caylo
Editorial Director
Wizard Entertainment
151 Wells Avenue

Any chance this could be restricted to this thread?

no. WARLOCK is taking over entire web.

Pls direct all Warlock Magazine Magazine inquiries/submissions/gossip/restraining orders to warlockmag@gmail.com