The Justice League of Sweet Valley High: or Brad Meltzer doesn't read ILC

This is the only thread explicitly mentioning Meltzer in the thread title!

Anyway, I actually read a BOOK (like, w/out doodles!) by Mr. M -- The Zero Game. Easy, breezy, and totally slappy -- a lot like his comic work, actually. Some bits were "thrilling," and the general plot (which is both convoluted and ridiculously simplistic -- the denouement involves possibly ropey science and repeated shouts of "YEMEN!") could be intriguing, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. He actually uses awkward ellipsis-laden first-person narration to drag the reader into the story. And when he kills off his narrator in the first 100 pages, ANOTHER first-person narrator steps in to talk about his thoughts ... his feelings ... his fears. And the other main character -- a plucky black 17-year-old Senate page -- gets written as plucky, black, and 17 years old, but NEVER at the same time. And the half-page-long speeches / soliloquoys -- watch out Knute Rockney!

OK, fuck it, I'll explain the plot (just to kill some time): there's this supposed "game" happening in the halls of the Senate & House of Reps, where the folks that actually do the dirty work for all the politicians supposedly bet on getting dopey things done under folks' noses -- modifying speeches to include certain phrases, or getting a Senator to wear a certain pin on his lapel during a public appearance. When the "game" includes adding a rider for a mine purchase, Protagonist's Friend puts a buttload of money on getting it done. But then is KILLED when he tries to find out where his money is going. So our Protagonist (along with Plucky Senate Page) are dragged into this mess where it turns out that some lobbyists (in conjunction with YEMEN) are using the mine to build a device that can turn procactinium into URANIUM. And the Protagonist's blind lobbyist friend is involved in the plot! And some know-nothing superspy-thug is chasing our Protagonist and the Plucky Page throughout DC & the mine! And after the plot is foiled, it turns out that the "game" was just a ruse to get the mine deal done! AND FAITH IN THE SYSTEM IS SHATTERED! Or something.

Anyway, that interminable and seemingly pointless one-shot where Geo-Force takes out Deathstroke is 100 times better than this book.

So does this mean you're waiting for the paperback on his new one where, um, biblical Cain fights Jerry Seigel's dad on youtube?

Yes, exactly that.

Every now and then I see a B. Meltzer at a store or a library and I'm like, "hey maybe I should check this out!" and then I remember, "I fucking hate this guy's comics (but I've read everything he's ever done!)!"