Relay Race Of Cool Superhero Revamps

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Here's a fun game for a Sunday... tell us your amazing idea for a revamp of the superhero the poster before you gave you. F'rinstance:

A: Ultra The Multi-Alien!
B: Why, I'd make him a Gazelle! Adam Strange!
C: Why, I'd replace his head with the planet Rann itself! Hulk!
D: Why, I'd do a 60-issue epic wherein he'd be reinvented with a new colour every two issues until finally the Mauve Hulk was on a mad rampage against all his alternately coloured selves! Ghost Rider!

And so on, and so on... although obviously more detail is encouraged and you are allowed to use the same hero twice, just not the same revamptastic idea. Got it?

I'll start off with an easy one...

IRON MAN!

― Vic Fluro, Sunday, 12 September 2004 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

All irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension. Trans-uranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life. Medium atomic weights are available - Gold, Lead, Copper, Jet, Diamond, Radium, Sapphire, Silver, and ... Iron, who accidentally bonds himself to a mortal in order to escape a time loop. Also, that mortal is Ozzy Osbourne.

Captain Carrot!

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 12 September 2004 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Captain Carrot's eyesight deteriorates to the point where he has to enter into auto-cannibalism to improve it.

Dazzler.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Sunday, 12 September 2004 08:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Dazzler is captured by Ego and turned into his herald. Her head is now a giant disco ball, and she skates the cosmos via rollerblades lent to her by Eternity's half-human son, Quotidian.

Magnus: Robot Fighter!

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 12 September 2004 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Truly this DINOSAUR will be the greatest warrior reptile of all time I will name him MAGNUS yes MAGNUS it means greatest but who shall he fight

Cable!

― Tom (Groke), Sunday, 12 September 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Nightcrawler's Old West ancestor, Nathan Summers Wagner is a mutant who conceals his glowing eye with a styling patch and fights Indians and injustice with his ability to transport himself across telegraph lines -- like a CABLE!

The Gay Ghost!

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 12 September 2004 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

HERO EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY! When interior designer Frank Du Frank dies at the precise same moment as a Tibetan Lama, a cosmic mix-up hands him an unusual mission - from the beyond he has to perform mystical makeovers on a series of unsuspecting saps. Karma's a bitch, huh?

Dr. Druid!

― Tom (Groke), Sunday, 12 September 2004 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

In a near-future America ruled by a sinister Christian fundamentalist junta, Anthony Druid, respectable pshychiatrist by day, leads an underground organisation of neo-pagans determined to return the country to a state of pastoral innocence. In a shocking last-issue twist it is revealed that the whole thing has been the mushroom induced fantasy of a balding crusty sitting on Glastonbury Tor.

Rom Spaceknight!

― Wooden (Wooden), Sunday, 12 September 2004 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

HE is the only force of chivalry in a dog eat dog galaxy!

HE is the force that keeps corruption in check at the heart of the Empire of Man!

HE is the last hope of the Gypsies of the Oort Cloud, on the verge of extinction at the hands of the mysterious Dire Wraiths!

He is ... the ROM SPACEKNIGHT!

Foolkiller!

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 12 September 2004 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Great scott - filthy dope peddlers - selling the new designer drug FOOL on the streets! I must devote my life to stamping out this sci-fi drug menace in a Tek War stylee!!

Wonder Twins!

― Vic Fluro, Sunday, 12 September 2004 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

They hate each other...they need each other! When Zan and Jayna auditioned for the CAPE IDOL TV show they couldn't have imagned the strange path their lives would take. They got their victory, and their wish - when the mysterious Dr John Powergiver gave THEM superpowers in front of an audience of millions. But the catch was - the powers only work when they join hands!

Tintin.

― Tom (Groke), Sunday, 12 September 2004 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Tintin, Boy reporter extrordinaire, crashes an experimental plane whilst escaping from the Bordurian Government. He awakes to find that the plane's super computer has grafted itself to his body, giving him enourmous muscles, heat vision, psionic powers, and a telescopic bionic arm. When he returns to Marlinspike he is greeted by Captain Haddock, who for some reason has turned into a lycra-clad chick with massive boobs. And Marlinspike is now a hi-tech orbiting space station.

But can even Tintin and Haddock save the world from the MENDACIOUS MENACE of.... RASTAPOPULOUS THE REVENGER?

The Power Pack!

― Wooden (Wooden), Sunday, 12 September 2004 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

It's the Year 3000 and the once-young Power Pack are now aged dictators! But a new pack of groovy teens who are amazingly hip have to stop them with guns and claws! It's YOUNG versus OLD... IN versus OUT! But what role will the walking space horses of the future play???????

Solar Man Of The Atom!

― Vic Fluro, Sunday, 12 September 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

In Silicon Valley, in the year 1981, yuppie entrepeneur Grimsley Timeshare and underground comix artist Patchouli Jones are involved in a horrific solar panel installation accident, wherein these two disparate individuals, once mortal enemies, are fused into one being of unimaginable environment-safe power. But what happens when their mortal enemies BROWN OUT & POWER SURGE discovers their fantastic secret!?!?!? And what of the secrets contained at THREE MILE ISLAND!?!! And who will win THE COLD WAR!?!

The Katzenjammer Kids!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 13 September 2004 00:10 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a CRISIS of epic proportions when the Earth containing the Katzenjammer Kids and the one containing The Captain And The Kids is set on a collision course!! With only sixty minutes to 'Zero Hour', can the alternate selves merge together into one pair of mischevous pre-war fat children using the beyond-science of Prof. O.G.Wotasnozzle?? And what role do Max and Moritz have to play????

Ivor Lott & Tony Broke!

― Vic Fluro, Monday, 13 September 2004 03:03 (twenty-two years ago)

The son of a conservative senator brings vigilante justice to Big Government--by day he lounges by the pool, by night, he's the terrifying Fillibuster-Buster! F-B is secretly aided by Tony Broke, a deep-throat-style informant-cum-ninja Bukkake-San!(note: I have no idea who Lott & Broke are.)

Red Tornado!

― Huk-L, Monday, 13 September 2004 03:24 (twenty-two years ago)

R.T. has a routine check-up and finds some crossed wires. When he fixes himself, his wind-powers vanish! "Gasp - now I understand! I wasn't designed to have the POWERS of a tornado, only the colour RED - I was created to apply SOCIALIST THINKING with the METAPHORICAL ENERGY of a tornado! By an ODD COINCIDENCE, a slack wiring job gave me - but enough GABBIN'! There's CONSERVATISM afoot!" He goes onto the streets where social injustice LIVES and immediately beats up some drug dealers or something. "So THIS is 'free enterprise' EH-H-H? The designer drug SKANK? HMMMM - something tells me this FREAKY HIGH that turns you INTO A MONSTER comes straight from - THE PREZ! And I got less than TWO MONTHS to PROVE IT - or it's DOSDOVANYA for all the COMRADES out there!!"

Black Lightning!

― Vic Fluro, Monday, 13 September 2004 03:51 (twenty-two years ago)

After serving as Secretary of Education under President Lex Luther (really happened) Jefferson Pierce resumes his crime-fighting career only to find that in his absence his former mantle has been adopted by an android from the future! The original and the cyber Black Lightnings duke it out in winner-takes-all grudge match officiated by disgraced wrestler, Bret "The Hitman" Hart!

Little Lulu

― Huk-L, Monday, 13 September 2004 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

After putting out her eyes in service of the ever-vengeful Unseeing One, Little Lulu gains fearsome occult powers fueled by the engestion of an innocent's heartsblood. She uses these eerie abilities of evil to solve Encyclopedia Brown-style mysteries (like The Case Of The Stolen Nutty Bars).

FIRESTORM!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 September 2004 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Firestorm's head is put out by the Green lobby as a major contributor to global warming, and he is forced to become a renewable energy source. He changes his name to Windfarm, and is so weak he can barelt help old ladies over the road any more, plus everybody thinks he looks stupid and is a blot on the landscape.

Buddy Bradley!

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 13 September 2004 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

When Peter Bagge gambles his ownership of Hate characters in a late-night poker game with Paul Levitz, the stage is set for one of the world's strangest relaunches - SUPERMAN'S PAL, BUDDY BRADLEY. Installed at the Daily Planet, Buddy runs into trouble - and a wacky harassment suit! - when he makes a drunken comment about Lois Lane's ass. Meanwhile Lisa buys weed off an Intergang stooge - but the drug turns her into a scaly monster, and Buddy pawned his signal watch last week!

Hawkman! (ha ha)

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 14 September 2004 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

In 1914 Dr John Hawkman invented the 'Hawkman Ray' for use against the Jerries but how could he know that his electro-beam would be itself beamed back in time by aliens from the planet Thanagar in order to strike the secret 'Nth Metal' discovered in 1776 by T. Hanagar and now held in a museum in 1888 when police officer Henry 'Hawk' Mann was engaged in a life and death struggle with Jack The Ripper at the exact moment that the Hawkman Ray struck and created a space time temporal vortex that merged him with his own clone from the far future alien world of Thanagar a Scienti-enforcer named Manny Hawke - not to be confused with the man-hawks of Thanagar - the merged being was itself merged with a giant roc of the genus Hawkmanus giving it giant wings and then sent back in time by a mysterious force aimed by the Hawk Gods of legend to ancient Vienna where it/they/he was given a battle suit designed by Leonardo Da Vinci and then sent forward in time to battle present-day evil having learned his tricks from the old Golden Age Hawkman he then beamed back in time to WWII to fight Hitler AS THAT VERY HAWKMAN!!!! However a timespace temporal anomaly left him stranded in an ancient pyramid and now explored Hawley K. Manworthy is about to make a discovery THAT WILL CHANGE HIS LIFE FOREVER!!!

M.A.C.H. 1!

― Vic Fluro, Tuesday, 14 September 2004 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

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