Superheroes/Supervillains vs Dept. of Weights & Measures

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The Psycho Pirate is rubbish. He is not a psycho and he is not a pirate. If the Justice League does not get him then Trading Standards (featuring Weights & Measures Man) will get him first.

-- Pete (pb1...), July 20th, 2005.

Who else does not live up to their billing?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

Two-Face: Actually just has one face, or two half-faces, which still adds up to just one face.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

Batman, and for that matter Batgirl, are notable for neither being bats or carrying bats of any kind. I am not sure if "dressing up as" counts.

Firestorms powers are neither related to fire or extreme weather conditions.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

Robin, WTF.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

The original Human Torch was a robot, wasn't he?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

Batman doesn't drive any upper class British Army officers around. I feel cheated.

The Hulk is not a prison ship.

The Flash doesn't. Kid Flash doesn't either (thank God, I wouldn't want to be caught reading that one)

Watchmen isn't about horologists...I was so disappointed.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

i think i had 'bounty hunter' visions preattached to martian manhunter that he never quite fulfilled. i have my doubts about marmaduke's title also. the lockhorns are aptly named though - they're always locking horns.

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

Worst offender here surely = Teh Penguin!

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

the hulk is about a prison ship - a prison ship of the soul.

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

doesn't penguin have webbed feet? thus he is a fish - and what type of fish wears a tuxedo? a penguin - FACT!

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

Shouldn't it be Green Arrows?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

Is Jimmy Olsen really Superman's Best Friend? I would have thought that would be Krypto.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

doesn't penguin have webbed feet?

What retcon madness is this???

Meanwhile -

X-Man. Of course the one X-character to have the generic name is the one who never actually joined the bloody X-Men. Mutant equivalent of Frank Beard.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

it should really be green-clad archer. krypto's dead.

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

The Judge Child: Not even a Cadet.

Captain Britain: Not even in the army.

Cable: not even Wireless.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

Black Canary: see Robin

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

(interesting to note, Robin's father was Jack Drake, Black Canary's father was Larry Drake, aka Dr. Giggles!)
(this is not true, BC's dad was Larry Lance, her mom--the original BC--was née Dinah Drake)

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

Yes, true. But how long's that going to last?

Deadman is somewhat too active if you ask me.

And who does the Black Racer actually race?

Where did Dr Fate earn his MD?

America is neither ship nor aircraft, so why does it need a Captain?

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

Elektra - no electricity involved.

Jubilee - doesn't like large gatherings, is actually quite downcast.

Kingpin - doesn't bowl.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:50 (twenty years ago)

Jughead, actually made of flesh.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:51 (twenty years ago)

Blount OTM about Martian Manhunter. I demand less stoic posing, more manhunting.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

King Mob - neither a king nor a mob, discuss.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

i was just thinking about captain america - dude's clearly not navy, and captain's not really that high a rank in the army (it's like only O-3 right?) so that seemed somewhat unlikely until i thought that odds are captain america was some superhero given a special comission a la a special sitdown with fdr like george m cohan or something and that's why he's a captain - big juicy get they bump him up the ladder superquick to O-3 immediately but at the same time not bumping it up too far so as to normalize it in some fashion; plus if he is army than his duties are precisely the type of thing a junior officer would do. so 'captain' makes sense, his last name isn't actually 'america' though right?

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:56 (twenty years ago)

elektra's named that cuz she has daddy issues right? i never read any of her stuff (one of my three least fave characters on the ballot - guess the other two!)

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:59 (twenty years ago)

Wonder Woman's costume leaves so little to the imagination that we don't really have to wonder at all, do we?

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

doesn't penguin have webbed feet?

What retcon madness is this???

I think he had them in Burtonland.

What about Cosmic Boy? Thankfully, his bro was a lot more down to earth, he chose a less flamboyant but way more appropiate nickname: simply "Magnetic Kid" (or boy, or Lad, i get confused somethimes)

And don't even get me started with the 90's and image. I mean, "Grunge"...where did he hide the self pity and the crashed marshalls? Damn you, poseur!!!

― iodine (iodine), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

He didn't actually have any -> Grunge was the perfect name.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 16:09 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, but was he from Seattle? Huh?

― iodine (iodine), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 16:11 (twenty years ago)

he said he was but really he was from san diego

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

Clock King. He may be a giant clock but he is not a monarch of anywhere. He should just be Clock Citizen.

Doctor Doom famously never finished his time at Empire State University, so unless he got a special honorary certificate from the University of Latveria then he isn't a Doctor. But he IS a King, so maybe he could be King Doom or the all-new all-different Armor King.

Within the confines of the marvel universe, where aliens invade constantly and Asgardian Gods walk the streets, Mr Fantastic is entirely believable. And he IS a Doctor, so the 'Mr' bit doesn't apply either. I suggest he be renamed DR BELIEVABLE.

― Vic Fluro, Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

The Living Tribunal - how unlike the many dead tribunals found in our puny Earth compensation system.

The Stranger - not after your first appearance, son.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:08 (twenty years ago)

Sub-Mariner, actually better than most sailors. Especially that Old one who got lost and couldn't even spell rhyme.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:16 (twenty years ago)

Box - a robot, not a box.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

Bishop - do you See?

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

I forgot about Elektra's daddy issues and about Sophocles, i r dum.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

Saturn Girl - actually from Titan, a moon of Saturn. Always putting on airs, that one.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

Loki is actually quite loud and in-your-face with his evil.

― Vic Fluro, Wednesday, 20 July 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

Starboy from the Levitz era of the Legion of Superheroes was most certainly NOT a boy.

Wally West was not a kid when he was in the New Teen Titans as Kid Flash.

Now that I think about it, those "teen" titans weren't that young, either.

Growing up has always been an issue for superheroes.

― iodine (iodine), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

But Bishop is his NAME!

(This was the source of my first-ever Internet argument.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 18:06 (twenty years ago)

At least half of the "New" Teen Titans were the Old Teen Titans.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 18:06 (twenty years ago)

(This was the source of my first-ever Internet argument.)

Usenet archives, pls.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

OMG DAN PERRY FANFIC! I had no idea!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

I know Dan but the pun took control.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

LOSH Karate Kid - Ralph Macchio was (is) nowhere to be seen.

― iodine (iodine), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

Ralph Macchio the editor - He was no Daniel Larusso either!

― iodine (iodine), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

3-D Man.

― Vic Fluro, Wednesday, 20 July 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

FEEL THE RED-HOT SHAME

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

Oh, my day has been made. :>

This is my favorite line:

I don't think that a mother would name her child
after a high position in the Christian Church, no matter how bad the
world had gotten.

(not said by Dan, obv.)

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

(ps I am not posting a link to my unfinished fanfic, you can find that on your own like Chris did)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

Is chapter one posted? Under the same name as chapter 2?

― Leeeeeee (Leee), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

Ahha, found it. Dan, you must finish it!

― Leeeeeee (Leee), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

3-D Man kind of belongs in a Captain Tautology thread. Along with Animal Man in fact.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 21:26 (twenty years ago)

Actually it was a clever metatextual comment as he is not 3-D at all but rather 2-D DO YOU SEE???

― Vic Fluro, Wednesday, 20 July 2005 21:53 (twenty years ago)

Green Latern would be better called Green Ring? The Lantern barely comes into it.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 21 July 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

all Corps members across the galaxy charge off a lantern (as translated into local concepts), they don't all carry a ring?

― kit brash (kit brash), Thursday, 21 July 2005 12:58 (twenty years ago)

Being on a team with Kid Flash and calling yourself Speedy - C/D

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 21 July 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

Come on, they all have a ring except the blind one with the bell. But won't argue the toss.

Spider-man's occasional mate The Black Cat is neither Black nor has Cat related powers, unless you include coughing up hairballs, scratching a bit and believe in the poor luck Black Cat's bring.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 21 July 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

Magneto had nothing to do w/ internal combustion engines (unless he, um, whacked Iceman w/ one).

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 21 July 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

Mogo doesn't really have a ring, does he?

The Atom, regardless of his size, remains a rather complex organism.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 21 July 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

Speedy - actually addicted to opiates.

― kit brash (kit brash), Thursday, 21 July 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

Thunderbird - His powers had nothing to do with thunder, birds or alcohol.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 21 July 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

Colossus - beefy but not enormous guy made out of metal named after gigantic statue made out of stone.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 21 July 2005 14:32 (twenty years ago)

Anarchist: fired off acidic blasts, not political theory.

Banshee: a man.

Mole Man: didn't have one mole on his body.

Taskmaster: couldn't.

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Thursday, 21 July 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Also Mole Man doesn't consist of approx 6.02e23 atoms.

pedantic ps. The Colossus of Rhodes was made of bronze.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 21 July 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

Curses pwned by Claremont.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 21 July 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

If we examine Kitty Prides various "codenames" we see a repeat offender big time:
Shadowcat: Where's the shadows, where's ver cat?
Sprite: Where's the lemon, where's the lime?
Ariel: Can't even pick up Channel 5.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 21 July 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

I was about to put Ego the Living Planet in the literal thread, but it's not all THAT distinctive, is it? You may as well refer to "Earth the Living Planet". Ego the Sentient, Bearded Planet would be better.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 21 July 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

What was Desperate Dan so Desperate for?

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 21 July 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

"Kitty Prides various "codenames" we see a repeat offender big time:
Shadowcat: Where's the shadows, where's ver cat?"

Well, she was no cat, but she sure was a kitty.

I'm only half-kidding here, i'm also trying to tie facts that make no sense to me at first sight. Could the mind of Chris Claremont have worked at that level of complexity?

― iodine (iodine), Thursday, 21 July 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

The Shaggy Man (post-shave)

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 21 July 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

On reading the entire Killraven adventures in ESSENTIAL KILLRAVEN, I saw him murder martian invaders, their human quislings and wierd android creatures. And dialogue.

Never saw him slaughter a bird of any description.

― Vic Fluro, Thursday, 21 July 2005 22:23 (twenty years ago)

Balder, if fighting the Absorbing Man.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 21 July 2005 22:41 (twenty years ago)

What was Desperate Dan so Desperate for?

cow pies innit

― kit brash (kit brash), Friday, 22 July 2005 00:33 (twenty years ago)

There's a superhero called "Taskmaster"??!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 22 July 2005 11:07 (twenty years ago)

No Tuomas, don't be silly. He's a supervillain.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 22 July 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)

Ah, it's because no one likes a taskmaster, right?

"I, HÖMMÖRÖM, THE SECOND-TO-SUPREME GOD OF BÖHÖMIÄ, GRANT YOU THE POWERS OF THE TASKMASTER! FROM NOW ON PEOPLE FEEL COMPELLED TO FULFILL ANY TASK WHATSOEVER YOU GIVETH THEM!"

"Cool, can I then use this power for the good of humanity and the planet, so that no lion will ever again raise it's paw against it's fellow baby rabbit?"

"NO, OTHER PEOPLE WILL HATE FOR YOUR POWERS AND WISH YOU WERE DEAD!"

"Damn, what a cruel world! I guess I have no other option than to become a supervillain then?"

"YES, THAT IS YOUR FATE!"

"Would you stop speaking with that fucking booming Cecil B. DeMille voice?!"

"I won't, because it is my... Heavens! You puny mortal! I wish the Lord of the Ducks would bestow his grimmest curse upon you."

"See, it's working already."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 22 July 2005 16:35 (twenty years ago)

arses, i can't believe someone beat me to Kitty Pride.

Cyclops is techinically off the mark, too. he should've been called Visor Man.

is Mastermind actually that smart? if he is, he hasn't shown it. he shoud've been called Illusion Man

do wings an Angel make? nope.

Quicksilver? Quick, by all means. he has nothing in common with the liquid metal, not as far as i can tell. he should've been called Quick Man.

they bent the rules a bit with Scarlet Witch. her outfit is usually red, which is probably technically not the same as Scarlet, and her powers aren't actually magical, as confirmed recently by Dr Strange. she should be called Red Conveniently Ambiguous Powers Girl.

the entire X-Men ouevre is riddled with holes.

― Lee F# (fsharp), Friday, 22 July 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

Spawn

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 22 July 2005 19:00 (twenty years ago)

He did actually have parents, though.

― Vic Fluro, Friday, 22 July 2005 19:10 (twenty years ago)

Black Tom: He's white! They should have called him Blackshirt Tom.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 22 July 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

Taskmaster

"The Taskmaster is a mercenary with the ability to replicate the physical movement of anyone he witnesses. ... The man who would become the Taskmaster first demonstrated unusual abilities during childhood. After watching a cowboy show on television, he found himself able to duplicate the sophisticated rope tricks he had just watched the cowboy perform. Psychiatrists, called in at the mother's request, termed the boy's rare ablility 'Photographic Reflexes'."

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Monday, 25 July 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

"I am the TASKMASTER! I have mastered ALL TASKS! Watch me WASH YOUR WINDOWS! And then DO YOUR TAXES! Bwah hah hah YOU HAVE NO DEPENDENTS!"

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 25 July 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

Taskmaster ruled! George Perez classic.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

Actually nearly every character with Black in the name falls down here: with the exception of Black Lightning I think. Colours on the whole are a misnomer, though it is nice to see that Green Arrow does go to the expense of painting his arrows green. Also making his weapons of choice much more identifiable at a crime scene.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 09:07 (twenty years ago)

The old Image comics characters are multiple offenders

WILDCats..

Is Grifter a shady con man who could possibly be played by Annette Bening? no, he is bloke with guns and a silly mask!

Is Spartan an ancient greek warrior who enjoys wrestling naked with other men? no, he flies around and zaps people!

also, there was a character called Vogue in one of those comics - I am not sure what she did but I very much doubt that she was 50% adverts and could shoot perfume sample strips from her fingertips

― Mark C (Markco), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 09:34 (twenty years ago)

Black Adam should actually be called "Middle Eastern Adam"

― Mark C (Markco), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 09:39 (twenty years ago)

Are Black Panther's politics really that radical?

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 10:01 (twenty years ago)

Is he really a panther???

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 11:13 (twenty years ago)

He's definitely black.

"I'm a Nubian Prince from Wakanda mofo!"

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

Well yeah, he's black but where is the panther part?

(First person to say "his pants" gets punched. Oh shit, that would be me.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Stop hitting yourself, Dan? Why do you keep hitting yourself?

(heh, heh, my younger brother is coming to visit tomorrow)

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

In his pants.

Doctor Light looks like he weights at least 60kilos. Not light in my book.

And back in the day Impulse never made starnge men buy him flowers.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

Doctor Fate. Not a Doctor, his surname is not Fate.

UNLIKE

Doctor Strange. Who is a Doctor and has the surname Strange.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 10 October 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

hahaha i just realized that in the uk calling someone "the human torch" is like calling him "the human flashlight" right?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 10 October 2005 17:13 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, now you come to mention it that did actually confuse me as a kid!

― chap who would dare to kill all the threads (chap), Monday, 10 October 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

eight months pass...

GOLDFACE

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Saturday, 17 June 2006 03:11 (nineteen years ago)

Colossus is not *that* big.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Saturday, 17 June 2006 11:09 (nineteen years ago)

Blob: is solid.

― Oblivious Lad. (Oblivious Lad), Saturday, 17 June 2006 17:55 (nineteen years ago)

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