Top 100 Ways To Get Superman Batman and Wonder Woman hating each other which are a great deal simpler than the ones Geoff Johns is actually using

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1. "You're not even a real bat."

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

2. "You're not even a real woman."

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

3. Batman gets drunk on Durlan nectar at JLA Christmas party and tries to photocopy his ass, only instead of the photocopier, he stuck his ass in the teleporter, and Ma & Pa Kent were shocked to see a floating Bat-Butt over their Yule Goose.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:28 (twenty years ago)

4. Superman is lairsitting in the Batcave and spills red wine all over the Brother Eye terminal. He looks around for something to wipe it up, a-ha! "Bruce will never miss this old Robin costume"

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

5. NOT HALF AS SURPRISED AS THE INVISIBLE MAN!

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

6. "Parents schmarents, I lost my whole planet, you maladjusted freak."

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

7. "Invisible Jet? Oh just park it beside my Invisible Concern For Your Emotions."

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

8. To: all-seniors@waynecorp
From: Bruce
Subject: Company Party 2005

Great news guys! I've found us a fantastic place for this year's bash! Golden beaches, swaying palms - and wall-to-wall hotties!! The place we're staying has kind of a classical decor, and you know what that means? TO-GA!!!

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

haha, lairsitting

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 17:47 (twenty years ago)

Batman and Wonderwoman start up a vicious anti-Kryptonian race hate website. Then Batman kicks Wonder Woman off the editorial staff cos it turns out he doesn't much like Amazonians either, all the while muttering "Fucking foreigners, they come to this country, steal all our supervillains...".

― chap who would dare to thwart the revolution (chap), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

10. "Bruce Wayne doesn't care about black people."

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:06 (twenty years ago)

I'm created by gods and Amazons, Clark's like immortal or some shit. And you're a grown man who dresses up like a BAT and hangs out with young boys.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:16 (twenty years ago)

12. "Diana and Clayface sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."

― scamperingalpaca (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:24 (twenty years ago)

Incidentally (i mentioned this elsewhere, but there are probably lots of jokes that can come from it), Bruce Wayne owns the Daily Planet AND Clark & Lois's apt. building.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

13. Diana uses taupe kryptonite on Superman, changing him into an interior decorator with SuperTaste. The Batcave is redone in Miami Vice, Season 1 colors. Bruce dislikes the framed NAMBLA posters, and carnage follows.

― scamperingalpaca (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:33 (twenty years ago)

"Batman Is My Landlord" is such a deep pool of comedy that I don't even know where to start.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

Come and (Bat) Knock On Our Door!

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

http://members.cox.net/donknotts/knotts-furley.gif

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

14. http://pages.cthome.net/phish/sharkrepellent.jpg
http://www.funkyfridge.com/shop/images/AB-BP-24818.jpg

― todd jason, Wednesday, 14 September 2005 20:22 (twenty years ago)

15. "Hey wow, Bruce, how's that neverending quest to clean up Gotham working out? You know the one, the one I COMPLETED IN 8 SECONDS with SUPER SPEED. Yeah the Joker put up a hell of a fight for an ORDINARY MAN WITH A DEFORMED FACE. Also I don't know how you slept at night when there was a man dressed as a penguin roaming your town, the half second it took me to deal with him and his umbrella-based schemes was the most terrifying of my life etc etc."

― Vic Fluro, Wednesday, 14 September 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

16. "Hey wow Bruce, I can go back in time! Come on with me to that fateful night in Crime Alley. No no no I have to hold you in this headlock for you cannot meddle with time."

― Vic Fluro, Wednesday, 14 September 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

17. ifile:///Users/joe/Desktop/216_4_253.jpg

― chap who would dare to thwart the revolution (chap), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

Fuck it, tried to be clever and it didn't work, just going to have to use a link:

http://www.superdickery.com/dick/65.html

― chap who would dare to thwart the revolution (chap), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

18. As above, but with Superman yanking off Batman's actual face. "Whoops!"

― Vic Fluro, Thursday, 15 September 2005 06:10 (twenty years ago)

19. "But Bruce, that's the rubbish kind of threesome."

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 15 September 2005 08:28 (twenty years ago)

20. Superman and Wonder Woman hold Batman down in front of the entire JLA and use the Lasso of Truth to make him admit that he has a complete archived library of Beverly hills 90210 episodes and that he cried when Brenda left.

― Mark C (Markco), Thursday, 15 September 2005 09:19 (twenty years ago)

21: Wonder Woman gets hold of a copy of "the Authority", puts two and two together and outs Bats and Supes on national tv with her Lasso of Truth, hence careers ruined. The pair retire to San Francisco and never speak to her again.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 15 September 2005 09:33 (twenty years ago)

22. Diana falls out with the other two when she insists she has a youthful male counterpart/sidekick/clone sibling as well.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 15 September 2005 09:58 (twenty years ago)

23. Diana's quest for respect in Man's World scuppered when Clark Kent writes a Daily Planet special on Egg Fu.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 15 September 2005 10:08 (twenty years ago)

What's the complicated method Geoff Johns is using?

― Ray (Ray), Thursday, 15 September 2005 10:10 (twenty years ago)

Wonder Woman seduces the Supersons

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 15 September 2005 10:46 (twenty years ago)

As far as I can work it out, it goes something like this:

Wonder Woman killed a baddie:
This made Superman (who don't like killing) upset
This made Batman (who don't like killing even more though regualrly beat ths crap out of people with scant regard for internal bleeding and the like) equally upset.

Superman beat the crap out of Batman whilst being mind controlled.
This pissed off Batman because he had the crap beaten out of him.

Batman appears to have "accidentally" created a million killer robots which are killing lots of superheroes.
Superman does not like this because
a) he did it five years ago and Supes is a copycat
b) shows that Batman does not trust him (however see Superman beating the snot out of Batman for the reason why he should not trust him)
Wonder Woman does not like this because
The trust thing. Though as a superhero it puts her in the crossfire.

It is unclear why Wonder Woman should dislike Superman except that he is pissed with her. Also recently spending a thousand years fighting an other dimensional war with her without once straying from Lois means she is less likely to feel strongly for him.

This is the Geoff Johns masterplan.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 15 September 2005 11:46 (twenty years ago)

There is also a load of cobblers in the background to do with the heroes wiping villains' minds of their criminal thorts years ago (obviously this did not happen in the comics of the time, it is a recent invention).

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 15 September 2005 11:59 (twenty years ago)

Batman is pissed off that he did not think of the mind wiping thing. Or secretly believes he did think of the mind wiping thing and then they wiped his mind of it to claim credit.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 15 September 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

Batman is secretly supplying arms to Turkish Cypriots.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 15 September 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

Batman appears to have "accidentally" created a million killer robots which are killing lots of superheroes.

Ooh, were they the robots in Batman's sci-fi closet??

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 15 September 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

26. Batman comes out of his sci-fi closet and declares war on mythologiaclly powered characters like Wonder Woman.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 15 September 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

Yes!
xpost

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 15 September 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

27. Batman shocks Superman by finally COMING OUT OF THE SCI-FI CLOSET. Wonder Woman is offended by Superman's disgust, but becomes angry when Batman won't let her see his boom tube.

xpost, damn you Pete!

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 15 September 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

28. While under the spell of the MAGIC LASSO, Superman admits that he's been using his X-Ray vision to peep at Wonder Woman's tittays since day one.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 15 September 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

28. Maybe Supes asked WW if she'd take it up the ass and BatBoy's jealous?

xpost: You would, wouldn't you?

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 15 September 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

30. "Damn it, Bruce, you told me this Bat Shark Repellant actually worked! And now Jimmy's in a wheelchair!"

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

31. "Damn it, Bruce, hold still! I'm trying to show Diana how Bane broke your back!"

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

32. "Dear Bruce & Clark: Lois & Selina are with me. The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name has spoken to us, and gets us very randy. Do not follow us, for we have no need for your oppressive patriarchal mating rituals. Feel free to do what comes naturally between yourselves.

Love, Diana

PS to Clark: Lois told me about your Kryptonian sex organs. That's just disgusting."

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

33. Martha Wayne and Martha Kent are one and the same! Martha Wayne just plain didn't like Bruce so she had Thomas Wayne killed and faked her own death so she could run away to Kansas with that dashing farmer with a narrow uretha.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 15 September 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

That is such a great plot idea...

Why haven't DC used it?

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 15 September 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

So Bruce Wayne's not just Superman's landlord, but also his elder brother?

You know, that really makes sense...

― iodine (iodine), Thursday, 15 September 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

See "Gratest Imaginary Stories ever told" also "Gratest IMSET vol 2" as that will have that one about Batman actually being from Krypton.

34. "Wait a minute, I was from KRYPTON??"

― Vic Fluro, Thursday, 15 September 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

35. "Hey, Bruce, how does it feel to be blessed with the skills of ... STEPHEN HAWKING?"

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

36. "Why are you hitting yourself, Bruce, huh? Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

(that could be 35a.)

(I suck at this.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

28. While under the spell of the MAGIC LASSO, Superman admits that he's been using his X-Ray vision to peep at Wonder Woman's tittays since day one.

28a. "Hera preserve me - I have BREAST CANCER!"

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 15 September 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

37. Bruce sees "Oldboy", puts Superman in Kryptonite prison for 15 years, releases him, makes certain Kal-El meets Kara, and...

― scamperingalpaca (Chris Hill), Thursday, 15 September 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

38. Superman, while using his heat vision on some welding project, accidently melts Batman's prized collection of life-sized butter sculptures of Tiger Woods.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 15 September 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

39. Superman beats Bruce and Diana at trivial pursuit and gloats about it for several days, despite quite obviously using his x-ray vision to cheat. Every time Bats and WW challenge him to a rematch with lead-lined cards, some convinient diasaster pops up on the other side of the world.

― chap who would dare to thwart the revolution (chap), Thursday, 15 September 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

40. Superman mashes Wonder Woman's cleavage together while shouting "Wonder Twin powers, ACTIVATE!" that one time too many.

― scamperingalpaca (Chris Hill), Thursday, 15 September 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

41. Batman doesn't find it very funny that Superman and Wonder Woman keep balancing christmas tree fairies on his ears.

― chap who would dare to thwart the revolution (chap), Thursday, 15 September 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

42. "I can't hear you! Naa naa naaaa naa..."

"Yes you CAN Bruce because THOSE AREN'T YOUR REAL EARS"

― Vic Fluro, Thursday, 15 September 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

43. Superman and Wonder Woman are captains of the annual JLA 5 a side footballl match - Batman is picked last to be on anyone's team - even after Zatana.

― Mark C (Markco), Friday, 16 September 2005 09:16 (twenty years ago)

LAOG!

44. Superman & Wonder Woman keep hovering five feet about Batman's head taunting him by saying "I thought Bat's could fly"

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 16 September 2005 09:17 (twenty years ago)

http://www.newsarama.com/dcnew/InfiniteCrisis/ICcvr03peek.htm

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 16 September 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

Batman is offered one last chance at the life he's always wanted...but at what price?

"OK, OK, Dick, I promise. No tongues."

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 16 September 2005 14:40 (twenty years ago)

http://img372.imageshack.us/img372/5947/hal32sx.gif

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 18:48 (twenty years ago)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

OMG!

I can feel the love from here.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 09:39 (twenty years ago)

That Hal Jordan! What a backstabber. Johns has a comics career predicated on bring Jordan back to life, and he is treated like this!

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 10:20 (twenty years ago)

nine months pass...

WHERE IS THE JUSTICE CUDDLING WE WERE PROMISED?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 4 July 2006 15:52 (nineteen years ago)

This thread is classic.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Tuesday, 4 July 2006 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

45. So you're made of clay, eh, Diana? Well meet your doom. A Superman powered potters wheel and Batman's moist hands of sculpting.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 4 July 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

46. Pillowfights and ticklefights are always fun until somebody says "OK stop" and nobody stops.

― I will commence to drop a knowledge bomb. (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 4 July 2006 22:21 (nineteen years ago)

47. Wonder Woman suggests a game of spin the bottle and Batman accidentally selects the bottle containing the city of Kandor.

― Mark Co (Markco), Wednesday, 5 July 2006 09:52 (nineteen years ago)

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