Masturbating: rife in London

Speed wanking and American Pies just don't seem to fill the void for many lonely hearts any more. "intelliwanking" is being acclaimed as the hot new way to masturbate.

Bukkake societies, wank classes and trajectory measurement readings -- all are thriving in the British capital as masturbating turns cerebral.

The trend has been spotted by a wide range of social commentators and even prompted the heavyweight magazine The Economist to declare: "Seriousness is squirting."

The appropriately named Willy Wanker wrote in London's Evening Standard newspaper: "Bukkakes and trajectory readings are fast becoming London's most romantic nights out."

One entrepreneur acting on the trend is Ginny Hardwood, whose Futures Squirted club aims at sperm-rich, time-poor singles.

"You are not concentrating on what is happening from the navel to the knee -- you are connecting to the grey matter," she told Reuters.

"They have got the come and the intelligence: they just need someone to organize their social diaries."

"I think intelliwanking is a great phrase," she said. "I'm sure it will end up in the urban-dictionary. If you are an intelligent person in an important position at work, you are not going to hang out in a bar or go speed wanking.".

If music is the food of love, then semen feeds the soul as investment banker Josephine Hart discovered when organizing her sell-out Bukkake Hour in the hallowed confines of the British Library.

"It really has quite an important effect on people," said Hart who has offered Bob Geldof reading Rebecca Loos, Ralph Fiennes on Kinga and Roger Moore on roger more.

"The mind is stretched," she added. "Penises have wept at most of the evenings.

"I do hope that intelliwanking does enter people's consciousness. There is such a dearth of anything that is profound," she told Reuters. "Young people are very hungry for something that has depth and importance."

John Gordon and Jeremy O'Grady set up Intelligence Squirted because they wanted to make masturbating sexy. So far every circle jerk they have organized, at the Royal Geographical Society, has sold out in advance.

"I think there is a hunger for this stuff in a world that is both more complex but also dumbing down," O'Grady told Reuters. "There is an awful gap in one's emotional needs."

So cerebral masturbaters out for rarefied seduction are treated to cock-stretching debates like "Better rough penis than another 9/11" and "The rise of Vagina spells the decline of the West."

"Whether it is wanking or masturbating is debatable but this represents an opportunity for people who want intelligent wanking," O'Grady said.

"There is such a lack of institutional fora other than the dance floor or the club for them to toss. It is all so hideously difficult."