ITR PRESENTS: LETS TALK ABOUT BOOZE

A new thread presided over by jjjusten and HI DERE where we talk about booze and you share your opinions and we tell you why you are wrong.

all questions about wine should be directed towards HI DERE, all questions about rotgut monstrosities should be directed towards me, unless they are about Malort

lets establish some ground rules here - for ease of discussion i would propose separating the classes of our liquor recommendations into the categories according to utility and price as follows.

I. Fancypants
II. Stock Liquor
III. Won't Make You Puke Blood. Probably. (feel free to use WMYPBP)

If a wine is supposed to be drunk at room temperature, is it cheating to make guests drink it in a walk-in fridge?

I am of the opinion that if you are supplying the liquor in question, you can make your guests drink it however and wherever you choose. In a walk-in fridge, or ducttaped to their hands, the choice is really up to you.

omg

should we play Edward Winebottlehands tomorrow y/n

Well you are seeing an opera.

So yes of course you should.

also I have a bottle of malort I can bring

this is gonna be the best opera ever

i am over here trying to run some numbers through the computator machine to determine whther that might actually be more hardcore than edward fortyhands.

alcohol content - advantage wine
fluid oz. - advantage 40

important question, are we talking red or white, just working out the finger temperature cooefficient

xpost ok just fyi edward malorthands will end in misery

What's more toxic, a gallon of whiskey from a plastic bottle or a gallon of vodka from a plastic bottle?

Well how many times has the vodka been distilled and filtered?

No, I'm only kidding, that is all bullshit made to get you saps to pay $100 for a bunch of potatoes left out in the sun for too long.

Anyway, once again science has failed us by offering up a simple answer, but that never stopped us before.

Although my heart says whiskey, I am pretty sure that it would be much easier to drink a gallon of vodka, so I think the gallon of vodka is more toxic due to potentiality.

speaking of which, i think its time for round one of our booze ranking rodeos, the vodka round. I'll be rolling out the results from category III up, so let me just get my notes in order here and we'll go live.

HI DERE may have different choices but since we are both experts we are both right, i would explain that further but quantum physics and so on, i wouldnt want to bore you with the details

a brief note - vodka is one of those things where the dollar scale goes all wacky, I mean technically compared to other liquors stuff like smirnoff and so on are "cheap" but vodak is such a dirtbag level default booze that we are going to move the $10 a 750 ml stuff up to category 2 because as every real drinker knows, there is a magical land of stuff that comes in flimsy 1.75 L plastic bottles with haphazardly pasted on labels presenting the names imaginary soviet cities populated only by roaring bears and like elk or some shit.

if we're talking gallon plastic jugs that shit is just grain alcohol and caramel color anyway with maybe a little bad straight whiskey and the always exciting "flavorings" so uh yeah it has always seemed v. toxic

3ltr plastic bottles of 7% cider destroyed my liver and virginity iirc

liverginity

Hendrick's: delicious, played, or both?

I will stan for Hendrick's as being awesome, but pretty much only in gin and tonics with a slice of cucumber instead of a lime - gets weird in other gin related drinks imo

ie it is wonky in martinis for sure

Too aromatic for a martini

I think all these new 'artisinal' gins were just the skirmishers in front of the main body of flavored vodkas that have now invaded.

Also, get off my lawn.

i thought flavored vodka came well before people taught themselves how to fuck up gin!

Has anyone tried Nolet's?

Flavored vodka has been out there for awhile but it's pushed so hard by distributors right now, it's not funny. Also, modern gin really is just a juniper+ flavored vodka.

haven't tried nolet's--maybe if i see a bottle in a bar i'll check it but i can't bring myself to pull the trigger on gin that's >40 bucks

ok so for category III vodkas my vote is for

KARKOV

Largely for sentimental reasons. Karkov and I have shared some special times together, topped off by a night where three of us consumed a 1.75 on a 45 minute drive up to the cities with only a shared oversized candy cane as a chaser. later that night we stole all the strings of christmas lights from the upper balcony of calhoun square and i sprained my knee jumping off of the wall of a parking lot trying to smash them underfoot and nearly fell out of the car on the freeway while puking. Also, my friend Chris once tried to demonstrate the unbreakable bottle that they touted on the label by dropping it down a stairwell, and then when the unbreakable technology somehow failed, proceeded to get down on his hands and knees and scoop it off the floot into his mouth.

Honorable mention: Durango "Vodka", which upon further label investigation turned out to be "vodka flavored liqueur" which is easily the dumbest idea in the world.

It's not dissimilar to Hendricks but more floral. Gimme Gordon's/Boodles/Bombay anyway.

xpsot

Durango, WTF?!!!

trying to remember if HI DERE was there for that partidular Karkov night but tbh it is hard enough to remember that I was there

Let me just say that rotgut vodka, psilocybin, and breaking a finger by having someone close a car door on it are not a good combination.

hahaha oh no

I could have sworn the candy cane night and the puking out the car door night were different nights

but yes I WAS THERE</James Murphy> and that is why I also pick KARKOV

ha well they very well might have been different nights actually, the puking door might have been when we used flat mello yello as a chaser instead

I definitely remember the candy cane because I brought it

Do you want to lead off with a mid-priced vodka choice?

is "mid-priced" = "what you regularly buy, aka 'the respectable brands'"? because if so I have to go with my old standby:

ABSOLUT

To start, regular old Absolut is tasty. Secondly, their flavor variety is very, very impressive, particularly their Peppar and Mango varieties (both of which are great neat). Thirdly, when it comes to vodka I am boring and unadventurous, but I know enough to know what I like for everyday fucking around.

I am going to throw my vote behind SVEDKA, which is a remarkably cheapola clean tasting vodka that works the way vodka should, by not tasting like anything and thus sneaking up slowly and punching you in the back of the eyes just in time to do a full length uncomfortable karaoke version of "The End" by the doors.

oh I endorse that pick, I might have gone that route if I didn't think their ad campaign was a bag of dicks

(btw no one can beat the classic Absolut ad campaign, it seriously was one of the best things ever)

and to round this out, moving on to the "nobody need to buy expensive vodka anyway so might as well make a mockery of it, my top shelf pick is

CRYSTAL SKULL

A) It looks like a fucking crystal skull
B) Once you blow through the mediocre vodka inside it you can fill it with Karkov and no one will be the wiser.
C) Its owned by Dan Ackroyd and from what I can tell, dude probably needs the money more than you do
D) I have it on good authority that he personally dips his elderly balls into every batch, so it, like all premium vodkas, carries the whiff and taste of fame

What's that Texas vodka, Pepe's?

haha Crystal Skull!

my "why did you pay that much for some vodka, fer chrissake" pick: BELVEDERE

Not only is it really, really, really smooth, but it is also named after TV's most lovable manservant, Mr. Belvedere, who often turned to drink after having to put up with Bob Uecker for so many goddamned years

honorable mention goes to Chopin, which will make you think you can play the piano, and Grey Goose, which probably tastes the best but is called Grey Goose, how can you possibly take yourself seriously if you are drinking booze named after dirty birds

say you're sitting around and you want a mixed drink, but you're also really lazy. but you want it to be decent. so you impose an arbitrary 60-second time limit for making the drink. "making the drink" includes standing up, walking over to wherever you keep the booze, getting a glass, ice, booze, etc, mixing, and walking back to wherever you started from. in 60 seconds.

what would you make?

oh, and plus you really don't want to have to do the dishes later, so hopefully you can just eyeball this shit and stir it with your pinky finger

2 parts (cheap) bourbon
dash of blue curacao

shake over ice, serve up in a martini glass

it's called a "jade dragon"

xp well all shaken or stirred drinks are out so it sounds like g+t time

i'm trying to streamline my life so i just of roll off the bed and let gravity direct my bumbling path throughout the day, eventually landing in bed again somehow (an elevator will probably be necessary), and hopefully a mixed drink flying in my mouth at some point

gin and tonic

every time

eyeballed g+t's landed me on the I'M DRUNK thread in two of the last three weekdays, sigh

other option

1 part Absolut Pear
1 part Absolut Mango
2 parts limeade
dash of blue curacao

shake over ice, serve up in a martini glass

this is a "citrus punch (in the mouth)"

ftr I have mixed and consumed both of these, often while playing WoW

unless you have good premade bloody mary mix xpost

eyeballed g+t's landed me on the I'M DRUNK thread in two of the last three weekdays, sigh

― IT IS EXECUTION (Z S), Thursday, August 25, 2011 4:00 PM (36 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

measure once, pay attention to the level, and always use the same glass!

if you want to satisfy the requirements of "one glass", I wouldn't even bother with mixing, just a flavored vodka or a bourbon with 1 ice cube

yeah i was leaning to the "well hey you could prob do 3 shots of tequila in 60 seconds" route but then i saw mixed drink and figured licking salt off your hand didnt really count

you could also try the wonderful world of screwdrivers

Greyhounds, etc...

you could also follow this recipe of a buddy of mine from college for fuzzy navels that he served to ppl at a party we threw:

take plastic beer cup, add ice
fill with equal parts gin and vodka

it was almost like someone took a sledgehammer to the room

Everyone ended up hammered on the floor?

In the right circumstances and definitely not for many ppl:

5 parts icewater
1 part Pernod

Repeat

one woman ended up in the fetal position under the sink outside the bathroom sobbing and I think someone else fell down the stairs

also there was puking

Wait there was a sink outside the bathroom? Or was that just where it landed after the sledgehammering?

we had a sink outside the bathroom and a sink inside the bathroom

swank dorm room imo

Ah

Somewhere to pee if the bathroom was in use? ;)

or someplace to crawl and wish you could die when someone dropped an atomic bomb poorly disguised as a girly drink on you

I had no sympathy for anyone involved btw, they all had tastebuds and none of them were drunk when these drinks were given to them

One of my bartenders modified some girly drink and called it a Pink Pussy:

Vodka
Pineapple Juice
Splash of Grenadine
Splash of soda

I always enjoyed ordering those from her.

I had a shot of Fisu tonight. It is Fisherman's Friend Vodka. It is also awesome. That is all.

wait, do you mean Fisherman's Friend as in the cough drop

zomg

I do. I do indeed.

This is the best article I can find about it: http://www.jeelago.net/work/2008/03/14/helsinki-nightlife-fisu-and-sisu/

I WANT THAT RIGHT NOW

just went out to downtown stpl bar barrio (hi dere may remember from mook bachelor party) and they have a new michelada mix and it was face burning spicy FANTASTIC

also bought a rabbit cocktail shaker that despite my leaning towards classic cocktail shakery is like the smartest design i have ever seen and i love him because he will fill my belly with perfect ice chilled booze

man Barrio is awesome

also jjj, what do you think of malort + Fisherman's Friend + blender

i'm thinking that if you're going to operate a blender that irresponsibly then maybe we should just keep you away from anything with a motor

also, i have a question:

my mother maintains that straight gin is "a whore's drink." is she correct y/n

y, that is why straight gin is awesome </whore>

thx to former ilxor furry FB, i used to refer to unemployment as "gin-shotting"

so i guess that is kind of a vote in both columns

Gbx, was your mother around in Victorian London? We used to have a lot of gin whores then, apparently.

Such quaint notions of whoredom

Yeah, they were all like "'scuse me mister, tuppence for a go on the ol' blood sausage, pip pip!"

It's not nice to call lj a gin whore

Had some genever last week, speaking of gin and oh man a++++

awesome

I just had some champagne cocktails, one with Hennessey and Grand Marnier, the other with St. Germaine and lemon juice, they were great and also 2 for 1

I made my own Fisu. Have too many photos but here are a few:

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6162/6138195324_969cd9938f.jpg
Making Fisu - necessary tools by miss e kawasaki, on Flickr

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6177/6138251804_c0d3674bd4.jpg
Making Fisu - more vodka by miss e kawasaki, on Flickr

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6198/6138272574_aa12d29bd7.jpg
Shots of Fisu by miss e kawasaki, on Flickr

This thread makes me sad I don't drink any more. This other thread makes me glad I don't

really every drink should incorporate the use of a rubber mallet if possible

this would be good to roll out again i think

any requests from u drunks?

the green cow (known to me as the green pearl)