ASK ALLYZAY

Dear Allyzay,

TS: Adam Ant or Falco?

love,
tr

Where do you get those wonderful toys?

Dearest tokyo rosemary my love:

yes, you should buy some new cotton summer fun panties but which ones are you thinking of buying? I think Paul Frank is played out, it is important to pick something new.

also, that is tough but I think Adam Ant is more n01z3.

lovely stevem:

from toys in babeland.

xoxo
Ally

Dear ally,
are you a satanist?

love Aleister

Aleister Crowley:

Yes.

Love,
Ally

Dear Ally,

I'm not sure, maybe ones that say FAMOUS or PUNK on them. Or I LIKE IT OLD SCHOOL.

love,
rosemary

I vote for FAMOUS

DEAR ALAZYLSLZL

SHOULD I GET A HENNA TATTOO OF A SILVERFISH????

http://www.bestmessageboardever.com/uploads/post-5-1091570997.jpg

OXEN OXEN,
ADE

Ally,

What are your thoughts on those sonar/water pik "alternative" teeth cleaning devices?

sorry that was me^^^^

gygax!

Ade sweetie:

Those drawings are kind of making me think of a vagina for some reason, could be cos I have had several drinks? But vaginas.

gygax!!!!!!!!!!

i don't think I approve of those devices. Water+electricity is bad.

most vaginas don't smile at you

Dear Allyzay,

How many blondes does it take to make a good bukkake party ?

thank you,

your #1 phan,

V-Man

i think those things are AC, at least the rechargable ones are... :-\

(the devices not the silverfish vaginas).

V-man:

3. Exactly 3. The rest should not be blondes.

Love,
Ally

Dear Allyzay: Last year, my mother died. A woman who works at the mortuary (I'll call her "Lydia") helped us acquire a burial plot and also arranged for my father to purchase the plot next to Mom. Within a month of my mother's passing, Lydia and Dad began dating. I'm not going to waste time telling you my thoughts of this disgusting situation. I just want to know, would it be wrong to ask my father to sell me the plot next to Mom? I don't think he deserves to be buried there. -- No Class Act in Hawaii

Dear Anonymice:"

How did you know my mom's name?

? Your mom?! Tell Lydia to GROW UP. But yeah - I'm not going to waste time telling you my thoughts of this disgusting situation.

A.,

DOES "RETARD STRENGTH" EXIST?

SHOULD I COVER MY ENTIRE BODY IN BIORE STRIPS?

YOURS,
COOTER JOE

oh god, remember felicity's biore tale. i rarely get that easily disgusted but yuck.

ok

1) retard strength seems frightening

2) cover every bit of it and report on the forest petting

*dry heaves*

WELL THE THEORY IS THAT THEY GO INTO BERSEKER MODE, YOU MIGHT BE SCREAMING "NO NO NO!" AND ALL THEY HEAR IS "WHO WANTS CAKE" AND THEY ALL WANT CAKE

Dear Allyzay:

Tonight, my always grumpy, sometimes hateful and often mean husband of almost 15 years shot my pet poodle to death. "Edgar" had flown into a rage because of something he blamed me for, and he took out his anger on my sweet dog. He emptied the gun into her poor little body. When my daughter grabbed his arm and tried to stop him, he threw her to the floor. She and I were hysterical and are devastated. Edgar was arrested for animal cruelty, which I believe is a felony in my state. He might actually serve time. Under no circumstances will he be returning to this home or to our marriage. It's OVER.

I am currently having a very bad time with rheumatoid arthritis and was forced to apply for Social Security disability. I was turned down and am appealing. I can hardly see through the tears. What in the world do I do now? I have a child to take care of and am nearly broke. At the moment, I have exactly $30 in my purse.

Edgar receives several pension checks each month. Can I ask for child support or spousal support? Can I access his money while he is in jail? -- Hannah in Missouri

Hannah:

I know this is gross, but I like petting the forest, too.

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), November 5th, 2003 3:54 PM. (felicity) (link)

Ally, you really want me to puke don't you? Nauseausly, g!

WHY WAS I PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PAIN

http://www.jeffbots.com/b9-b.jpg

hahahaflskh petting the forest! i want to make this "felicity" my child bride, we will dance like dandy ponies in a warm summer meadow!

Dear Ally:

Why is your mom sending you emails that consist only of the words "HAHAHAHAHAHA Saint-Etienne??????"

Love,
Ally

Dear Allyzay,

How long does a penis usually have to be for you to feel satisfed? My husband, "Thom," is 6.5 inches most of the time that he's erect, but I'm left wondering whether that's adequate enough since I never talk about size with other men, and all my female friends are single cunts and jealous they don't have a man themselves. What does it for you ? Thanks - Eunice in Wyoming

Ally,

Don't talk about Lydia that way, you've long known she's obsessed with St. Etienne and that makes her silly.

Love,

Ally

Eunice,

I can only answer that question by doing this

Dear Ally,

What do the other boys mean when they say that there's cream in their jeans ? Why would people want to put cream in there?

thanks,

Vic

That's enough.

can't fault a boy for asking!!

Dear Ally,
is it true that most pretty girls have pretty ugly feet?
if so, do pretty ugly girls have pretty feet?

just asking cuz a book i'm reading said so,
aaronhz

Ally,

What type of detergent do you use? Have you ever heard of a detergent allergy?

gygax!

Dear Aaron,

My feet are not particularly ugly, though it is up to you to decide what that implies for your theory. I know of a girl I think is very ugly who has ugly feet.

gygax! mon amour,

I actually do not use a specific brand as I have given up doing my own laundry. I drop it off--so whatever they use at Senor Clean's is what I use. However I have heard of detergent allergy as my sister has allergies to some detergents and fabric softeners.

Dearest Ally baby:

What do women really want?

Lurve,
Ian

dear ally,

should i start my own ask me thread and would u ask me anything if i did?

kisses,
vic

Ian you sexy thang:

They want C on their Ts, duh. And flowers.

Vic Victorious:

Yes, I don't see why not.

Ally, a follow up question, if I may:

Which comes first, the flowers or the C on Ts?

Ian, I find it doesn't really matter but it depends on how well you know the girl.

Ally why is Ben Affleck dating Jennifer Garner and not me?

Dear ally,

What is your opinion on the current international situation?

thanks,

julio

Dear Ally,

http://www.oldnavy.com/assets/product/main/ona255784-00p1.jpg

Good idea or bad idea?

thx

GREAT IDEA! ddb to thread

he isnt even PRETENDING to play a chord there...just showing off some Indian ring he bought on the side of the HIGHWAY.

PAGING CHUCK N0RRI5!!!!!!

chaki khan:

I honestly don't have an answer to that question. You are superior to Jennifer Garner in all ways. My thoughts are that Ben Affleck is just kind of dumb.

julio:

Did you know that George W. Bush drove the truck to Watergate?!?!?! OMG LOL

daria:

I approve of the pattern on those shoes.

Dear Allyzay,

Why are you depending on ridiculous stories about Watergate from some dumb GQ article on George W. when the truth is all in WILL: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF G. GORDON LIDDY (which is quite honestly the best book ever written)?

Love,

hstencil

hstencil you magnificent beast:

Because that article is HYSTERICAL. Have you seen the photos?!?!?!?!?! It's all made up but I really kind of wish it was true!!!!

Follow up question: Why do you believe G. Gordon Liddy?!?!?!! His name alone is untrustworthy! (I have never read his book. Why is it called "WILL")

xo
Ally

dear allyzay,

are you coming to the open bar festivities tonight?

signed,
wondering in manhattan

where are they??

Dear Allyzay,

Why do you believe G. Gordon Liddy?!?!?!!

Because he is a maniac.

His name alone is untrustworthy!

He was named for the guy who wrote this (a friend of his father's):

George Gordon Battle to John Sargent
37 WALL STREET,
NEW YORK, May 9, 1925

Dear Mr. Attorney General:

I am advised that an application for a pardon is to be made on behalf of Marcus Garvey. I represented Mr. Garvey upon the argument of his case before the Circuit Court of Appeals, and in connection with his application to the Supreme Court for a writ of certiorari. The affirmance of the judgment against Mr. Garvey came to me as a matter of great surprise. In my opinion, the decision of the Circuit Court of Appeals is directly opposed to its express ruling in at least three other cases that have come before it, involving the precise point presented in the case of Mr. Garvey.
I have had occasion to speak to Mr. Garvey frequently, and have come into contact with persons who know him intimately. I am convinced that Mr. Garvey was not interested in the commercial aspects of the plan to equip boats for the use of Negro people. I believe that Mr. Garvey's sole and absorbing interest in the matter was his desire to ameliorate the unhappy lot of his people. It must be recognized that his plan and his purpose were so vast in scope as necessarily to present the aspect of a dream. Impracticability, as judged by the standards of a commercial enterprise, was bound to be the characteristic of his plan. But it is to my mind a great injustice to judge Mr. Garvey and his plans by this standard. He did not appeal to the commercial instincts of his people. His appeal was to the instincts of liberty and opportunity. The conclusive demonstration of this fact is that he had, and still has, the confidence of his people who supported him in the enterprise for which he was convicted. If these people are prepared to say, as I understand they are, that free opportunity was their goal and expectation, and not the profits that might come from the operation of the Black Star Line, there seems to me to be no doubt that Mr. Garvey should be pardoned. Faithfully yours,

GEO GORDON BATTLE

(I have never read his book. Why is it called "WILL")

It's called WILL because G. Gordon Liddy HAS IT.

Love,

hstencil

dear allyzay,

check the n01z3 dud3z and dud3tt3z drink time thread.

Dear Allyzay,

What does this photo signify?

http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/misc/g-gordon-liddy/liddy-stacked2.jpg

Love,

hstencil

G. Gordon Liddy on Beans Baxter = TREAT

G. Gordon BATTLE is a much better name.

I think I might attend the festivities, yes.

his name is G. Gordon Battle Liddy!

No no, the Liddy part has to GO.

Dear Ally,

I tried to think of a witty and interesting question to ask, but I couldn't think of anything. How lame is that?

Salutations

jel

Dear jel:

You are too cute to be lame!

sincerely,
Ally

Dear Ally:

Do you know my friend NATE? He had a show on WBAR last year. He is NOISE.

Love,
Ian

Dear Ally,

why does Falco have that weird and mischievious smile at the end of the "Rock Me Amadeus" video that had so many bikerette fans in it? WHAT DOEST HIS MEAN?

losing sleep,

Vic

Ian:

No, I don't know Nate I don't think? What did he look like, when was his show?

Vic:

It is meaningless I am sure!

Ally: Nate was average male height, for a while he had a beard. He was a dirty transient noise hippy. His show was 1-4am monday nights, I think. He once played the entirety of my really shitty CD from a couple of years ago!

Dude I'll play your really shitty CD too.

dude i don't have any more copies. next shitty CD is all yours, baby.

You know how to make a lady happy!

Allyzay,

Which should I get?

http://www.catbirdseat.org/catbirdseat/indiehair.html

Noizily,

gygax!

I go for the shaggy hair, or if you are interested in challenging cultural notions, the wavy flip one.

Dude, that webpage is the greatest thing I've seen today!

It really is. I think my current state of hair affairs can be described as "mediumy"