Whenever Chuck Norris makes a joke, the sound of an audience laughing comes out of nowhere.

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Chuck will then turn to you, smile, and give you two thumbs up. After that, everything freezes, even you are unable to move. The laughter then turns into music as credits begin to scroll down from thin air. Finally, your sight fades to black and there is nothing. When you regain your sight and mobility, Chuck Norris is nowhere to be found.

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 18:41 (nineteen years ago)

Chuck Norris was a professional powerboat racer. He won the World Off Shore Powerboat championship with his team, which is sponsored by Popeye's Chicken. He also set a World Record by racing a 38-foot powerboat from Chicago to Detroit in 12 hours and 8 minutes.

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 18:42 (nineteen years ago)

As a devout Christian he is proud of his Epiphany Award for best Christian program, "Walker, Texas Ranger." He also has won the Jewish Humanitarian Man of the Year Award. Ask any Jew, this is a very prestigious award.

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 18:42 (nineteen years ago)

here ya go

― 'Twan (miccio), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 18:54 (nineteen years ago)

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

― bb (bbrz), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/28/62521494_2b367896e9_o.jpg

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 19:46 (nineteen years ago)

http://70.86.201.113/imageserv2/temporary/PBF073ADScorpy.jpg

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.chucknorris.com/video/TOTALGYMED.WMV

― Yawn (Wintermute), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

http://ca1n.c.yimg.jp/sports/sn2005070808251200017118m/sportsnavi.yahoo.co.jp/fight/pict/200507/im00017118.jpg

― IN UR BASE KILLING ALL UR DUDES (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 20:20 (nineteen years ago)

That Gizmo has a very Donald Duck-ish face! My Gizmo could kick his ass!

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 20:57 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.markhamill.perm.ru/img/constricted.jpg

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 21:02 (nineteen years ago)

Alex in NYC, the twilight years?

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 21:07 (nineteen years ago)

"Show Properties" will make you shit.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

but thats obv mark hammil

― howell huser (chaki), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

!@#@!$#!$

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 21:23 (nineteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/25/52293717_096257a5a7.jpg

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

holy shit, that is mark hamill! he still has his slightly twisted nose/face from wampa/windshield damage!

― kingfish trampycakes (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 22:49 (nineteen years ago)

hell, sign him up for a recurring cameo on Deadwood!

― kingfish trampycakes (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 22:50 (nineteen years ago)

"Later that night, at the Toshi Station"

― msp (mspa), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 23:08 (nineteen years ago)

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/7469/11329653688430oo.jpg

― sleep (sleep), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 23:36 (nineteen years ago)

one month passes...

OMG

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

!!!!!!!

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0805440321.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:22 (nineteen years ago)

A new hero from Chuck Norris, January 4, 2006
Reviewer: Chadwick H. Saxelid "Bookworm" (Concord, CA United States) - See all my reviews

Ezra Justice's orders from General Sherman are simple. Form a small, elite team of soldiers and make things difficult for the Confederacy. If caught, no one will claim knowledge of Justice, his men, or their orders. The Justice Riders are off and disrupting the Confederate's supply lines as best they can. But the team attracts the attention of Mordecai Slate and his "Death Raiders," and the battle becomes a far more personal one.

Former action star Chuck Norris and his team of writers have come up with an entertaining adventure novel with a simple message of faith mixed in. Fans of Walker, Texas Ranger (or of Norris's earlier films) will not be disappointed with The Justice Riders. It's nothing more than a Norris movie put to paper and, on that level, it's every bit as fun. Recommended.

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― kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:23 (nineteen years ago)

so "chadwick h saxelid" totally = "chuck norris and his team of writers," right?

― don't start a RYE-OTT! (plsmith), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:34 (nineteen years ago)

Wot, you doubt the validity of a "fan" review that refers to him by "former action star"?

― kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

do his movies have simple messages of faith?

― don't start a RYE-OTT! (plsmith), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:44 (nineteen years ago)

well, his website does

Welcome to the Christian Area

Commentary & News Briefs September 22, 2005 Compiled by Jody Brown

...One of America's great action stars of film and television is not ashamed that he's returned to the faith of this youth. Early in his life, action star Chuck Norris was reared by a strong Christian woman -- but things changed quickly. "When I got into the film world, I got sucked into the secular aspect of the entertainment field and I really drifted away from my faith," says Norris. "It's amazing -- as successful as I was as an actor, and the money and the fame, there was still something missing." Norris married a Christian woman named Gena and, through her witness, rededicated his life to Jesus Christ eight years ago. The actor says the Holy Spirit has filled the emptiness he had and has given his life new meaning. He is now an advocate for getting the Bible back into the public school curriculum. [Bill Fancher]

― kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:54 (nineteen years ago)

jon, where's that graphic of his "credo"?

― kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:56 (nineteen years ago)

The holy ghost filled the emptiness he had after he stopped being reared by a strong Christian woman.

― Zwan (miccio), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:59 (nineteen years ago)

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously.

― HAKKEBOFFER (eman), Thursday, 12 January 2006 02:00 (nineteen years ago)

Ask any Jew, this is a very prestigious award.

It's true.

― adamrl (nordicskilla), Thursday, 12 January 2006 02:03 (nineteen years ago)

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