r.i.p. pig champion

Tom "Pig Champion" Roberts (the fattest one in the picture), guitarist and founder of Portland's most famous punk-rock band (that's not saying much, I know) Poison Idea has FINALLY been found dead at age 47. I've yet to see any confirmation of the CAUSE of his death, but it MAY have been related to the fact that whenever I hung out with him—which used to be a lot—he was either smoking crack, drinking malt liquor, or shooting heroin...CONSTANTLY. The first night I met him, there was literally not a MOMENT over the span of six hours where he wasn't either ingesting intoxicants or preparing them for ingestion.

Poison Idea, particularly Pig, made loud noises about how anyone who snitched on another man should be a dead man, how corrupt "The Badge" made people, and how we'd turned into a "Nation of Finks." He even recorded an album with the singer of the band Millions of Dead Cops. Being a "solid criminal" was a huge part of Pig's public persona.

Fine.

Too bad that in practice, Tom Roberts was a police informant. I should know.

The incident—revolving around when my psycho mistress smashed a rival in the head with an axe handle—is dealt with in Shit Magnet. It wasn't until I was jailed and handed a stack of police reports by my lawyer that I saw the name "Tom Roberts" listed on a report, alongside the address where I knew Pig Champion to be living. He had spoken to police about the incident.

I've been thinking about possible reasons for why Pig turned into Rat. The girl who got hit with the axe handle was a friend of his. Pig was the one who played matchmaker with me and her for our ill-fated one-night tryst. Maybe she encouraged him to help with the investigation. I never said he CALLED the police. But he definitely TALKED to them. There can't be TWO "Tom Roberts" who lived at the same address who would have known anything about the crime, right? Imagine how I felt when I was behind bars and finally read THAT police report....THANKS, Pig!

I did a brief search of "Pig Champion" and the word "dead." From all corners, it's "what a great guitarist..." "...what a shame," etc. And that's all fine. I wouldn't want to mess with anyone's "fond memories" or whatever.

But amid all the eulogies, there was not a PEEP about "lifelong pathetic junkie" or "hypocrite who betrayed his own loudly stated values." Try for a moment to put yourself in my position. Every time my name arises, it's Nazi wifebeater, bibbety bibbety boo...the complete opposite of what happens with Pig and most others whose shortcomings don't fall within the realm of the Currently Forbidden. "Hypocrite" and "junkie" don't cause people to gasp as much as "racist" or "misogynist."

Where I'm standing, a person causes much more measurable damage to themselves and those around them by being a lifelong heroin addict than by being someone who has slapped (or slapped back) his wife or girlfriend a few times.

But our marvelously logical culture has reached a point where junkies—the pariahs of 50 years ago—are nearly lionized.

Pig stole from both me and Debbie. I remained silent once when he outlined his plans to steal musical equipment from owners of a warehouse who were allowing his fat stinking ass to live there for free. He had no moral compunctions about ANYTHING when it came to his dope habit.

And though I never knew him to have a girlfriend, he saw fit to constantly run his mouth to people about how I deserved to DIE for how horribly I'd allegedly treated Debbie over a dozen years.

I was talking to Jen (co-author for the NASCAR project) about my feelings regarding Pig, because they mirror the way I feel about a girl that both Jen and I know. The girl in question tried to "book block" me from becoming friends with Legs McNeil in order to try and get her own book contract through Legs. She told him I was a prick to her and that he should never work with me and that I'd written insulting things about her, when the truth was that I'd never written ANYTHING about her. What infuriated me about this is that I'd NEVER done anything bad to this girl. For whatever personal reasons (spite, jealousy, insecurity?) she saw fit to try and damage me.

If I've been a dick to someone, which is not uncommon, then maybe I can at least understand WHY they're being so vengeful, no matter if I think they're going too far. But when I've done nothing but be cordial and friendly to someone and THEN they turn? Grrrrrrrrrrr....

Same situation with Pig. I knew him for quite some time. Was never a dick to him. Never insulted him. And then he turns on me and my girlfriend of the time? And keeps talking shit about me to everyone in Portland? And then Mr. "Nation of Finks"/"The Badge" winds up on a POLICE REPORT? Yeah...that annoys me.

Pig is quoted by Debbie during the time of our breakup as saying my "candle" would burn out soon.

Too bad. Yours burnt out first, fat boy.

-Jim Goad

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