Is "Frozen Assets" the best movie ever?

2 out of 2 people found the following comment useful:-
Shelley Long and Corbin Bernsen together at last?, 28 December 1999
2/10
Author: obiwan-27 (obiwan@ghosts.org) from New England

It should be enough to comment that Shelley Long and Corbin Bernsen attempt romantic comedy. Together. However, that alone wouldn't constitute a proper review, so I'll write a bit more.

This movie is painfully bad. I hope Long invested her earnings from "Cheers" because she's never going to be making millions in her movie career. This is supposed to be a romantic comedy, but the two leads have no chemistry and the jokes are not even remotely funny. This movie is only unintentionally amusing. The plot (and I use the term loosely) revolves around a sperm bank that needs to collect a certain amount of donations in a specific time period in order to stay viable (ahem). Then someone gets the brilliant idea of encouraging donations by offering $100,000 to the man with the highest sperm count. Or something like that. Needless to say this makes for lots of really stupid puns that my four year old could have written better.

At the center of the movie is the "romance" between Long and Bernsen, which is so hackneyed, predictable, and badly acted that you'll want to throw the characters--or yourself--into the pond that Corbin Bernsen swims across when he oh-so-cleverly escapes the law. How romantic it is when Shelley gets drunk and throws herself at Corbin. How touching when Corbin wades out of the pond, after bilking the town out of money and sperm, and proclaims his undying love. The ridiculous twist ending will surely have you at the edge of your seat--the porcelain flushable one, that is.

Corbin Bernsen ought to stick to dentistry, and Shelley Long really should just quit altogether. Her career seems to be going in a downward spiral: Cheers, funny, cutely neurotic; The Money Pit, fairly amusing opposite Tom Hanks; Troop Beverly Hills, dumb, but almost watchable; Frozen Assets, excruciatingly terrible. Please stop, Shelley.

Don't watch it!

2/10