hay guyz let me tell you about myself

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9th grade:
My first sexual experience that actually involved nudity. While we're fondling each other, she asks me if I like Diet Coke.

Me: It's allright.
Girl: Well, I LOVE it. How 'bout you go get me a bottle of it?

I go downstairs and grab a 20 ounce bottle from the fridge. When I return, she says it's too cold.

Girl: How 'bout warming it up...by rubbing it on my tits?

So I began to rub her vigorously with the bottle. Soon enough, she asks me to shove it inside of her. She really enjoys it, and so do I because I KNOW that, with this girl, I'm definantly going to get off. That's when it gets crazy.

She rips out the bottle, opens it, and begins filling her vajay with Diet Coke. I swear, she nearly empties the volume into her vagina. I had seriously underestimated this vadge's liquid retention volume.

Girl: YOU LIKE DIET COKE?!?!?!? OH YEAH OH YEAH DRINK IT FROM ME!

I was noticebly freaked me, but I did want to get off, and I didn't want my first load-blow to be into 18.7 fluid ounces of a 0-calorie beverage. I began to go down on her, until she said the exact wrong thing.

Girl: OH YEAH, DRINK IT FROM ME! I'M THE KOOL-AID MAN! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!

I don't know how she did it with 16-year-old voice, but she sounded exactly like the Kool-Aid man from the commercials. I glanced at the wall, half-expecting him to burst through and over me a fruity beverage. I was extremely turned-off. She could tell, too. As she sat up to see what was wrong, she twisted her body in such a way that Diet Coke shot out of her vadge and all over my face, chest, and groin. And it was at that sticky, low-calorie moment that my parents chose to pull into the driveway.

Count Nefaria, Monday, 26 February 2007 22:19 (eighteen years ago)

OH YEAH

nickalicious, Monday, 26 February 2007 22:27 (eighteen years ago)

remy is that you

chaki, Monday, 26 February 2007 22:31 (eighteen years ago)

mmmmm, that's one Taxicab Confession.

sanskrit, Monday, 26 February 2007 23:10 (eighteen years ago)

tears... pouring down face...

stevie, Monday, 26 February 2007 23:18 (eighteen years ago)

Would you have preferred Tab?

Michael White, Monday, 26 February 2007 23:21 (eighteen years ago)

awes

jh0shea, Monday, 26 February 2007 23:55 (eighteen years ago)

This fucking rules.

Curt1s Stephens, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:01 (eighteen years ago)

Hi fives all around.

Curt1s Stephens, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:01 (eighteen years ago)

HOLY CRAP :D

Trayce, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:13 (eighteen years ago)

This is amazing in so many ways.

ENBB, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:20 (eighteen years ago)

vajay?

moonship journey to baja, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 01:12 (eighteen years ago)

[Removed Illegal Link]

g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 01:29 (eighteen years ago)

[link HI DERE]http://www.ubersite.com/m/52082[link]

To answer a few questions and maybe a few concerns:

Comicbookguy: I think I am one of the few Americans fortunate enough to never have seen more than 5 minutes of a Jean-Claude Van Dam movie at any one time, and I consider myself lucky for that fact. People have tried to sneak them in on me. But I did like the "Time Cop" TV show. It had Bruce Cambell from the "Evil Dead" series in it.

Adman: I was born in late September, so I was fifteen in 9th grade. I was born 3 days after the cut-off date, so I was the oldest non-held-back kid in my grade. Most people are 14 during the fall of their 9th grade year, which is also your freshman year of highschool. The girl I was with was a 10th grader who was almost exactly one year older than me.

BLITZKREIG_BOB: I would've, but I didn't start drinking 'till I was 16. If the situation happened today, I would most definantly do it. I think it would be pretty hot to do it enough that you could tell my friends that I got drunk out of a girl's vagina.

loki: I'm not gay because, despite it forcibly showering me with a sticky beverage, I still have an indominable attraction the vagina and women in general.

Phallic_Cymbals: If my parents EVER joined in on any sexual exploit of mine, I would pull an Oedipus and stab my eyes out. Then I would burn down the house and kill all witnesses, and eat their brains so no one in the future could access their memories or something. I'd end it all by touring our nation's schools as a motivational speaker, encouraging our children to never EVER have any kind of sexual activity within a 500 yard radius of their parents. No one should have to witness that.

Saxon and hidden101: No, I don't have the second girl's number, but her name is Mary. She has blond hair and green eyes. She looked a little bit like Alyssa Milano when she was on "Who's the Boss?" Her dad was in the airforce and she moved a week after our little encounter. Apparantly, right before leaving for a new town, she does some crazy sexual thing with no inhibitions, since no one will hear about it wherever she goes. Last I heard of her she was living near Warner-Robbins airforce base in Georgia.

Deathjester: Did not know that. Is semen base?

Hairycoo: As someone who drinks a lot of Diet Coke and has been covered by it on one occassion, I can attest that yes, it is sticky. It took forever to wash out.

JenBee: After some of the girls I have been with, I put all girls through a strict screening process for fetishes and crazy religions. So the wedding would have to be a long way off. Remind me to tell you sometime about the girl whose wedding-day religious custom was family scrotal tattoos.

g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 01:30 (eighteen years ago)

nu-DERE

g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 01:30 (eighteen years ago)

killjoy.

Curt1s Stephens, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 02:12 (eighteen years ago)

2 good 2 b tru

sanskrit, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 02:24 (eighteen years ago)

but i thought man forget it yo holmes to bel-air

sleep, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 03:30 (eighteen years ago)

remy is that you

chaki on Monday, 26 February 2007 22:31 (Yesterday)


nope, can't claim credit.

in 9th grade all i got was an accidental grope at swim practice.

remy bean, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 04:49 (eighteen years ago)

in 9th grade i almost got my face punched in by the school bully for sleeping with his crush, the school whore

jaxon, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 05:40 (eighteen years ago)

Considering this was your first post, I think you have a lot of potential, kid. But its easily visible that youre not experienced enough to be "good" yet. In this post, you have two unconnected stories (except for the fact that they both involve girls). Each of these ideas could have been developed better (especially the second one) and longer posts.

But you'll get better as you go along.

I look forward to reading your next posts.

But don't expect to get on the Most Heated list everytime you post something remotely funny. This should've dropped off the front page with 15 reviews, but you got lucky. Don't expect it to happen again.

G00blar, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 11:23 (eighteen years ago)

four years pass...

Count Nefaria

am0n, Monday, 16 May 2011 17:40 (fourteen years ago)

I had seriously underestimated this vadge's liquid retention volume.

johnny crunch, Monday, 16 May 2011 17:46 (fourteen years ago)


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