Fw: Certificate for you

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If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

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If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

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If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

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This is a Hug Certificate!!

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Send One to All Your Friends Who You Think Deserve A Hug
(Which, Hopefully Includes the Person Who Sent It to You).

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You might send it to your enemies as well!
It'll really tic 'em off!

If you receive! this b ack 2 times . You're off to a good start,
Unless you sent it to yourself. That's cheating!

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If you receive this back 3 times. You're a good friend.

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If you receive this back 4 times
..... You are popular I wanna be just like you.

If you receive this back 5 times or more,
There are angels watching over you....

THANK YOU, IF YOU SEND IT BACK TO ME.

aka weird shit be gettin' caught in the work spam filter

not spam but fucking A anyway jesus christ almighty

VIOLATION DESCRIPTION: EXPIRED METER

PLATE NUMBER: 47H221C

STATE: AL

TYPE: PAS

VIOLATION DATE: 2003/10/26/

COST: $125.60

WAHT TEH FUCK

anyway good thing I decided to actually open my junk mail today I guess

debt collectors be on the ball, this is my fourth address since I got this fucking thing! I was still on active duty when they issued this shit

Love my art deco butt? haha Just Click Here to come meet me FREE!

Gimme gimme glurge-pr0n, now!

I wanna see hugging ducks fucking the rasberry-bereted cattitude cat, or sodomizing the lazy basset hound

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Hello, Pretty Lady!

THIS IS A TOAST ... TO US ... FOR THE MEN WHO HAVE US, THE LOSERS WHO
HAD US, AND THE LUCKY PEOPLE WHO WILL MEET US!!

You have been hit. You have been considered one of the 10 prettiest
ladies on my friends list. Once you have been hit, you have to hit 10
pretty ladies. If you get hit again you know you're really pretty. If
you fail to forward this, you'll have ugliness for 10 years. So! hit
10 pretty ladies on your friends list and let them know they are pretty.

SEND THIS TO PRETTY LADIES , INCLUDING THE ONE WHO SENT IT TO YOU!!!

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going

my moral dilemma is always if I should actually forward these on to their intended recipients.

Subject: Won't be drinking Starbucks anymore!!!!]

I saw this on the news. WOW!

Guess I will not be drinking Starbucks any more.
Recently Marines in Iraq wrote to Starbucks because they wanted to let them know how much they liked their coffees and to request that they send some of it to the troops there..

Starbucks replied, telling the Marines thank you for their support of their business, but that Starbucks does not support the war, nor anyone in it, and that they would not send the troops their brand of coffee.

So as not to offend Starbucks, maybe we should not support them by buying any of their products! I feel we should get this out in the open. I know this war might not be very popular with some folks, but that doesn't mean we don't support the boys on the ground fighting street-to-street and house-to-house.

If you feel the same as I do then pass this along, or you can discard it and no one will never know

Thanks very much for your support. I know you'll all be there again when I deploy once more.
Semper Fidelis."
Sgt. Howard C. Wright
1st Force Recon Co
1st Plt PLT

PLEASE DON'T DELETE THIS .. ALLOW IT TO BE PASSED TO ALL IN MEMORY OF
ALL THE TROOPS WHO HAVE DIED SO THAT WE (YOU) MAY HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE TO
SUPPORT THEM OR NOT!!!

To all my sisters and to those who are like one!

Today is sister's day, send this to all your sisters even me if I am like one.
If you get back 7, you are loved.
Happy Sister's Day!

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I LOVE YA SISTA'!!! :-)

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Girlfriend and Sister's Week

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.
To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!

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National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?
Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend. Be Happy!

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

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^^^ kts

This will give you the chills........

GOOD chills.

A young man had been to Wednesday Night Bible
Study.

The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice

The young man couldn't help but wonder, "Does God still speak to people?"

After service, he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message.
Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways.

It was about ten o'clock when the young man started
driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, "God...If you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey."

As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk.

He shook his head and said out loud, "God is that you?" He didn't get a reply and started on toward home.

But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk.

The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli.

"Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk." It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home.

As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, "Turn Down that street."

This is crazy he thought, and drove on past the intersection.

Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street .

At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh.

Half jokingly, he said out loud,

"Okay, God, I will."

He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi- commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either.
The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed.

Again, he sensed something, "Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street." The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat.

"Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going
to be mad and I will look stupid." Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk.

Finally, he opened the door, "Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient. I guess that will count for something, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here."

He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled
out, "Who is it? What do you want?" Then the door opened before the young man could get away.

The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. "What is it?"

The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, "Here, I brought this to you." The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway.

Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face.

The man began speaking and half crying, "We were just praying. We had
some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk."

His wife in the kitchen yelled out, "I ask him to send an Angel with some. Are you an Angel?"

The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face.
He knew that God still answers prayers.

THIS IS A SIMPLE TEST.... If you believe that God is alive and well, send this to at least ten people and the person that sent it to you!!!!!!!!
This is so true. Sometimes it's the simplest things that God asks us to do that cause us, if we are obedient to what He's asking, to be able to hear. His voice more clear than ever. Please listen, and obey! It will bless you (and the world). Phil 4:13
This is an easy test - you score 100 or zero. It's your choice.

If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions. Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father."

Not ashamed...Pass this on.

Subject: The Golden Screw (Ancient Chinese Story)

> The Golden Screw
>
>
> Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button.
> In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that

> there was nothing they could do. Like it or not, he was stuck with
> it.
>
> All the years of growing up was real tough on him because all who

> saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and
> thus, never made any friends.
>
> One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a
> Swami in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was
> thrilled.
> The next day he took all of his life's savings and bought a
> ticket to Nepal.
>
> After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a
> giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told

> to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day,
> when he awoke, the screw would have been removed.
>
> The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
> During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open
> window, bearing in its mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments,
> the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.
>
> The next morning when the boy awoke, he saw the golden screw
> lying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel,
> and there was no screw there!
>
> Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, and his butt fell off.
>
>
> The moral of this story is:
>
>
> Don't screw around with things you don't
> understand -- you could lose your ass.

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one!).

Now don't cheat on this one, go with the first dessert you choose!!! Trust me....this is very accurate. Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.

After taking this dessert personality test, send this e-mail on to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box above.

ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.

DON'T FORGET TO CHANGE YOUR DESSERT CHOICE IN THE SUBJECT BOX BEFORE YOU FORWARD IT.

Here are your choices:

1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Short Cake

6. Chocolate on Chocolate

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake

No!!!!! you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be..............

OK - Now that you've made your choice this is what the research says about you...

SCROLL DOWN---

1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. Can be very emotional.

6. CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

SEND TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS....INCLUDING ME!

Subject: Women

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

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Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

Good thing a man's brain requires only two balls.

Hug A Gram
This is so cool. I hope it animates for you too!

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( INSTANTLY, WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS PAGE, YOU MUST SEND IT TO AT LEAS T 5 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.)

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*Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug* *Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug**Hug*

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You have just been hugged!!
That! 's right, there's no getting out of it this time!! This is the start o f a full-scale Hug O' War! So hug everyone you know!!!

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Hug your friends, your enemies, everyone!! With all the other forwards out there, I thought this would be a good one to start. The hug is my favorite sign of affection. It can mean so much, and so many things at the same time. It can be a sign of love, friendship, comfort or anything

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So here you go.
All I can say it will do is brighten someone's day. I mean, we all need a hug once in a while. So send this on if you'd like, to anyone who may need a hug, and (I hope you will) send it back to me!!!

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Goodness knows, we could all REALLY use A HUG.

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Let's say I break into your house

It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

The point:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

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Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders,
might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay
indefinitely.
Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.
Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in
your house, you insist that I leave.


But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the
laundry and swept the floors.
I've done all the things you don't like to
do.

I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house) .

According to the protesters:
You are Required to let me stay in your house
You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan
You are Required to Educate my kids
You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family (my husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who
will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. ?I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house. And oh yeah, I get a free education, where you have to pay your own way through college.(TEEHEE)
And what a deal it is for me!!!

I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold, uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can communicate with me. And don't forget to make sure your(Welfare) forms are in MY language - I need to understand them...

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America if you agree, pass it on ( in English ). Share it if you see the value of it.

If not blow it off........
along with your future Social Security funds,

why is that white hippie going through barbed wire?

Wrong turn leaving the Rainbow Gathering?

(TEEHEE)

Subject: FWD: TIME FOR GOD

Read only if you have time for God
Let me tell you, make sure you read all the way to the bottom. I almost
deleted this email but I was blessed when I got to the end

God, when I received this e-mail, I thought...

I don't have time for this... And, this is really inappropriate during work.

Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is.... Exactly, what has caused

(damn the formatting including a lot more line breaks that made it like 5 pages long and much more dramatic) (I like to think the mysterious ending was BARACK OSAMA)

A French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced
that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for wor k in
four weeks.

The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in
another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.'

more terrible work email forwards

This one is for everyone who...
a) has kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) knows a kid
e) is going to have kids.

I guess that means all of us!!

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

I was packing for a business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said , 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied,
'What happened to my booger?'

(This one is worth passing on.)

I was asked to forward this to the whole office and refused. -_-

Subject: URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! VIRUS ALERT!! [Verified by SNOPES!]

TWO SUBJECT LINES of which to be AWARE.

Just verified this with Snopes and it is REAL.

ALSO WENT TO TruthOrFiction.com. It's on their site also.

PLEASE INFORM EVERYONE you know!

1.) Emails with pictures of Osama Bin-Laden hanged are being sent, and the moment that you open these emails your computer will crash and you will not be able to fix it!

If you get an e-mail along the lines of 'Osama Bin Laden Captured' or 'Osama Hanged',
DON'T OPEN THE ATTACHMENT!!!!

This e-mail is being distributed through countries around the globe, but mainly in the U.S. and Israel.

Be considerate & send this warning to whomever you know.

2.) You should be alert during the next few days:

Do not open any message with an attached file called 'Invitation' - regardless of whom sent it.

It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch which 'burns' the whole hard disc C of your computer!!!!

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this E-mail to ALL your contacts.

It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.

If you receive an e-mail called 'Invitation', even though sent by a friend. Do not open it!!!

This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever.

This virus was just discovered by McAfee, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus..

This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where other vital information is kept.

SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!!