LIGHTBULB JOKE

Q. How many [insert target group here] does it take to change a light bulb?
A. N — one to replace the light bulb and N-1 to [behave in a fashion generally associated with a negative stereotype of that group].

my dad's favorite version (hes a creative director at a design firm):

Q: How many creative directors does it take to change a light blub?
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?

can we start thinking of answers to:

Q: How many Noixers does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many ILXors does it take to change a light bulb?

q: how many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a: hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in tents.

^ the worst

how many domestically clueless hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

more than two, apparently: one to balance the two flimsy ikea bar stools, the other to get up on them, freak out upon not being tall enough to reach the light fixture on the ceiling, and suggest calling the landlord to see about borrowing a ladder. perhaps another to return the lightbulb-grabbing pole thingy to home depot and use the store credit to BUY a ladder?

oh god

q: how long does it take my roommate and i to replace the bulbs in the kitchen fixture?

a: six months so far

sometimes lightbulbs are very hard to replace

Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb
A: Two. One to change it and the other to make a documentary about it

is surely the king.

Q: How many Riot Grrrls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Trick question. Riot Grrrls didn't change a thing.

"[political group x] can't change anything"

Q: how many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Q: How mant Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW!! YOU WERE'NT THERE!!!!

haha

this is my favorite joke template of all time

"how many publicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"hmm... can i get back to you on that one?"
vs.
"were not going to comment on that one"
vs.
"publicists dont screw in lightbulbs, they screw journalists"

favorite of mine is:

q: how many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
a: one.

i've heard variations on dom's lesbian one upthread, e.g.:

q: how many sarah lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb?
a: four, one to change it and three to choreograph and perform an interpretive dance about it

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish.

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fourteen; one to change the bulb and thirteen to stand around talking about how they could've done it much better.

How many <self obsessed archetype>s does it take to change a lightbulb?
One; he holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.

q: how many indiefags does it take to screw in a lightbulb
a: o u haven't heard that one? its overrated anyway

Q: how many govt contractors does it take
A: to do what
Q: to screw
A: FOR HOW LONG
Q: how long what
A: FOR TO SCREW HOW LONG
Q: wait hang on a second
A: YOU FAIL IT
Q: ok well what if we dress up nice
A: NOPE HOW LONG WHAT
Q: that was my question
A: NEXT

how many union stagehands does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

seven. you got a problem with that?

HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

At GEORGIA: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.

At FLORIDA: It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.

At ALABAMA: It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.

At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.

At KENTUCKY: It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE: It takes 10, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and whine and complain about how bad it looks every week.

At MISSISSIPPI STATE: It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and 12 to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS."

At AUBURN: It takes 100, one to change it, 49 to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and 50 to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA: It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.

Q: How many music snobs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It's an obscure number, you won't have heard of it

― Ward Fowler, Thursday, March 11, 2010 11:50 AM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

sam york