your terrible ideas

To create a reverse microwave maybe you just have to cross some wires in the power cord so you can have the same effect as when you put your flashlight batteries the wrong way round (it shines darkness).

What about when they purposefully give accident victims hypothermia so their systems shut down and they don't get infections. How come I can't do that to my beer?

Don't they just ice 'em down?

"Doctors cool the body a few degrees by injecting icy saline into the patient. The goal is to limit swelling, inflammation, and other spinal cord damage."

you could probably put cold saltwater in your beer

"Hmmmm, Icy Cold Michelob Saline."

Might be an improvement.

maybe pre-freeze beer in a honeycomb lattice pucks, then drop those into a cup before pouring the rest of the beer in it -- it should colden up more quickly than ice cubes methinks?

http://www.wholesalebarsupplies.com/images/Chiller-Group.jpg

I've seen this in bars, but they're not handy at home.

Don't like them in bars either since you're no longer getting your money's worth.

"prose and cons": a collection of short stories written by inmates (no poems, though)

― tumlbrah (dayo), Sunday, September 26, 2010 10:48 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Sorry, but I think Saturday Night Live beat you to it by a few decades (I can't watch this clip, but I think it's about Jack Abbott, the incarcerated writer Norman Mailer discovered)

take the principle of this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-heating_can and replace the exothermic reaction with an endothermic reaction. would probably cost too much though. endothermic reactions involve weird reagents and dangerous products.

Theres a bottle shop near me that has these holes in bench that it say are for "rapid chilling" bottles of wine. I dunno how it works or how effective it is. But having one built into ones kitchen bench would be awesome.

A stick of rock with 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it. So when people suggest something that's a bad idea, I can say "That's such a bad idea, that if it were a stick of rock, it would have 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it.". Then I would hand them the actual stick of rock with 'BAD IDEA' written all the way through it.

you can get 'em with 'Blackpool' written all the way through; pretty much the same thing

haha

a second driving test where u get drunk beforehand -- if u pass, whatever u blew on the breathalyzer is your new legal limit

you have maybe won thread

xp: I was thinking about pretty much the same thing except substitute "cellphone conversation" for "drunk" in light of Maryland's new anti-cell phone while driving legislation.

Abracadaver - a novelty funeral parlour (advertising slogan: "We make bodies disappear... Like magic!")

why is abracadaver in the terrible ideas thread? you should put it in the awesome ideas thread

xp - wouldn't that be more like a killer-for-hire business?

Or crime scene clean up?

yes - crime scene clean up - even better!

"You stab them, we slab them!"

http://www.istrianet.org/istria/visual_arts/history/images/skeleton-dancing1.gif

since this thread has taken a turn for the morbid, I propose a machine that makes dead people speak. it would mechanically stimulate/move all of the corpse's speech organs, forcing air through the vocal tract, opening and closing the larynx, and moving the tongue, lips, and jaw. everything would be computerized so that the corpse-machine could vocalize text transmitted to it remotely via laptop. the typist could get it to produce words as well as nonverbal utterances (sighs, groans, laughs, etc.), and the system would approximate the dead person's accent.

I think it would be really popular to have dead people "speak" at their own funerals, offering words of comfort like "I'm not in any pain" and "I met rover on the rainbow bridge; he says woof". if you tied the body to a chair and added some eye and head movements, the mourners might even forget for a few magical minutes that their loved one was dead.

creative people could even use the corpse-machine for performance art, having it recite the Last Rites or sing "Nearer My God to Thee" over and over until its speech organs slowly decayed, reducing its voice from a normal, lifelike tone to a ghastly, unintelligible rasp to a hollow gust of wind. the length of the performance would be determined, of course, by the quality of the embalming.

(if things got out of hand, you could always send the corpse-machine to Abracadaver for "reprogramming")

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7zDebveHeM

Juzzzztiizzzz

ok wow

since this thread has taken a turn for the morbid, I propose a machine that makes dead people speak.

Sounds really Victorian to me.

delivery breakfast in bed. u drop your spare key off the day before.

is this maybe a great idea? i can't tell

could work for fancy people

or people with aspirations of fanciness

would have to present itself as a v fancy business, as if jeeves is every employee

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j237/innocentsmith/smith/Tuppy124.jpg

noting that cigarette lighters run out of either flint or gas first, a light 'chop shop' that could then cobble together the parts to make 'new' lighters.

Of course the work involved would mean charging far more than just buying a new one.

also

a charitable organisation that provided vuvuzelas for underprivileged street children

a interior design firm that only decorates your home with giant S's decked out in gold and lame and other expensive things, the firm is called "large S"

wait largesse doesn't mean what I thought it means :(

Sometimes it's pronounced "large-ease", so maybe you need to switch to giant E's instead.

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

feel like people have used that strategy with me in relationships

When I was in middle school we actually had a b&w xerox machine in the house and I devised a plan to xerox playboys and sell them at school. I did market research by asking around how much people would pay but I never followed through.

Reminds me of a much terribler idea- hiding a porn mag by burying it.

in a simpler, non-internet time: i hand copied all the moves lists/fatalities/animalities/etc for each of the MK II and III arcade games onto notebook paper, copied them into little booklets and tried to sell them as "strategy guides" at the mall. I think i sold two and covered my xerox fees.

Aw, that's awesome! One time my six-year-old brother sold me a list of Warcraft 2 cheat codes that he'd hand copied from the internet. Really bad little kid penmanship with none of them written correctly, like "who your daddy." Well worth the $1 I paid because it is the cutest thing ever.

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7825/cheatcodes.jpg

what did those do?

Man, I don't even remember.

- badgering Marc Alm0nd into recording an album with me to be titled 'The Quaker & The Satanist'. Advertising strapline would be: 'One of these people won't remove his hat in front of a judge, swear an oath to tell the truth in court, or accept the Bible as the final word of God. The other is a Satanist.'. (note: have never actually been a Quaker - too much effort...)

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

― The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, October 15, 2010 12:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

I just sorta did this now - alternated bites of sardines with bites of raw garlic. luckily I live alone, and have no significant other.

i just had an idea for a shirt design. its a white polo with thin red stripes about an inch apart and about 1/4 inch thick. in the middle of the torso, the white, unlined parts will be filled in in the following order, from top to bottom: yellow, green and red (in one, half and half), brown, and then yellow again, forming an abstract burger in the center of the shirt