FARM YARD CORN MAZE RULES

voted "underrated sequel to 'The Cider House Rules'"

what are "service animals" in this context?

Maze Dogs

"The Native Americans called them 'Maize Dogs'..."

http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/1/13313/1253233-corndog.jpg

no "cease to exist" no credibility

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO ONE OF THESE OMG

Did one last weekend. Another on the slate for Sunday.

There are often little activity stations where the kids can take a break. Like last week the one we went to had stations set up where you could do crayon rubbings of scenes from the Wizard of OZ: toto, a tornado, a witches broom.

The one we're doing on Sunday is a great maze on a beautiful secluded farm. They have hay rides and pumpkin chucking and baby goats. A few years ago the theme was "A Salute to the Troops" and the maze was in the shape of a tank. One of the kids' stations explained that the troops protect our American values that are under attack from Islamofascism.

I think we came pretty close to getting kicked out of the maze this weekend. The rules were laid out twice - once in person by a cranky old lady and then we were led into a tent where we watched a video of a younger farmer standing in a sunny cornfield telling us pretty much the same rules, which we had to repeat back call and response style. Importantly, one of the rules was "no foul language". We were a little concerned about that one. However, upon exiting the tent there was a staff-person there who reassured us "don't worry too much about that." There weren't many staff wandering about the maze to enforce the rules, but there was a watchtower in the center of the field to keep an eye out for emergencies.

It's a pretty tough maze and we opted to go for the nighttime "flashlight maze" event on Saturday night. This amps up the festivity and craziness, but we had had a long day already and we were all more tired than usual. At about 9PM (the kids' usual bedtime) we were about an hour and a half into the maze. My wife and son kinda got into a tiff about his leadership of the group which culminated in him jumping on her back and shrieking "I'm going to fucking kill you!" This is kinda normal around our house; he's not actually going to kill anyone, he's just a big ham.

With that, we suddenly found ourselves bathed in light. It took a couple seconds for it to dawn on us: "What's that? Why is there light? Oh, we are behaving outside of the bounds of normal society! And we're USING FOUL LANGUAGE!" Not wanting to bring a premature end to our evening out, we booked it deep into the shadows of the maze until the light could no longer reach us. We finished about 45 minutes later.

The theme this year was much cooler, by the way. Something about cultures of the ancient world. "Polynesians sailed across the Pacific Ocean in 100 foot canoes"! Babylon: do a crayon rubbing of a lamassu.

http://www.davidandnoelle.net/Kimoand_files/stj7.jpg

I don't like to quote Dennis Miller too much anymore, but in this case, I have to ask "What kind of B.F. Skinner hoe-down were you at?"

http://i.imgur.com/Qssn1XJ.jpg

"We were led into a tent where we watched a video of a younger farmer standing in a sunny cornfield telling us pretty much the same rules, which we had to repeat back call and response style."

lol

I was thinking Jeremy Bentham.

I mean, I'm not saying that they should've thrown on the prison spotlights and frogmarched you out of the maze, but you do get where other patrons could possibly be offended at a young man saying to an older woman, "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU," right?

But all that said, ho-lee shit:

To maintain a family type atmosphere at Maize Quest, we require that our guests be dressed in accordance with the standards set forth here. Clothing that might offend other guests is not allowed (within certain guidelines). Maize Quest reserves the right to refuse admission to anyone not properly dressed. Shirts and shoes must be worn at all times, including entering and leaving. Profanity, obscene gestures, obscene statements, pictures of illegal substances, motorcycle colors, insignias of Para-military groups, all gang related items on clothing, costumes or disguises that conceal identity are prohibited. Maize Quest reserves the right to refuse admission to anyone who refuses to comply with the dress code summarized here. NOTICE: It is illegal to carry a firearm, deadly weapon, or dangerous ordnance anywhere on Maize Quest property. Unless otherwise authorized by law, no person shall knowingly possess, have under the person's control, convey, or attempt to convey a deadly weapon or dangerous ordnance onto Maize Quest property. Shirts, shorts and shoes/pants must be worn at all times. Clothing items with profanity or obscene or sexually explicit pictures, graphics or statements are not permitted to be worn inside the park. Inappropriate items cannot be worn inside out. They must be returned to the guest's car. Jackets with emblems, insignias, or shields that represent an organization not open to the general public are not permitted inside the park. Exceptions include insignias for governmental agencies, school groups, scouting, athletic, religious, public service or civic groups. Motorcycle colors, insignias of military-military groups or any gang related items cannot be worn in the park. Management reserves the right to exclude any type of emblem or insignia which it finds unacceptable, or any clothing it considers offensive to our park guests. Any reference to support the use of drugs or pictures of illegal substances on clothing is not allowed to be worn inside the park. If a guest has a T-shirt on that is not acceptable, it must be replaced with another piece of clothing. Costumes or disguises that conceal identity are prohibited. Knives, handcuffs, guns or other such weapons, including laser pointers and squirt guns, are not allowed on Maize Quest property. Guests who have painted their entire face will not be allowed to enter the park. However, guests who have dyed their hair an unnatural color will be allowed to enter the park.

but you do get where other patrons could possibly be offended at a young man saying to an older woman, "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU," right?

Oh yeah, we were totally out of line!

We talked to him about it later, after we had time to cool off. Fortunately, the whole spotlight situation drew us back together as a group.

Jackets with emblems, insignias, or shields that represent an organization not open to the general public are not permitted inside the park.

What the hell does this mean?

Your yacht club epaulettes are not welcome in this corn maze, sir.

Boy scouts?

I mean, they definitely want to keep Hell's Angels out of there. I get that. But they might want a lawyer take a look at that next time.

Guests who have painted their entire face will not be allowed to enter the park.

You could probably become a millionaire by building a corn maze strictly for juggalos. I mean, if you can find an insurance company who will cover you.

?????

Is everyone just trolling, or...? Obv they don't want paramilitary/militia/jumped-up paintball teams in there.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

i like the thing about dyeing your hair an unnatural color

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