i feel like i am living in a text adventure

two months pass...
you see exits to the south and east.

what now?

>:

ILX makes less sense if you don't take the analgesic.

>south

An enormous music critic blocks your path. He looks hungry.

What now?

a troll is here.

>feed troll

what do you want to feed the troll with?

>feed troll carrots

(oh god I used to play one of these all the time when I was little - it was my favorite)

you don't have any carrots.

>feed troll racist tomatoes

You offer the troll the racist tomatoes, but it requests that you play it some beardo disco music instead.

>suggest ban troll

You have successfully suggest banned the troll. However the action is ultimately futile, since he will return under one of his many sockpuppet aliases.
The enormous music critic sneers and grunts a disdainful laugh.

> use challops

i understood you as far as wanting to use something.

> use challops on critic

>use challops on critic

>use challops on critic

(hey guys I think the VAX has crashed again)

the critic becomes enraged!

the critic attacks the troll.

>pop popcorn

>wear sock

you are now wearing the sock.

the critic has hit the troll!

the troll attacks the critic.

the critic flees north.

> feed troll popcorn

The troll ignores the popcorn and instead asks you if you think Steely Dan's "Pretzel Logic" is better than The Beatles' "Revolver".

>summon mod

>inventory

you are carrying:
popcorn
trucker hat
racist bottle opened

The troll is useless so you ignore his question and head west.

THE CHURCH

You are in a maze of empty passages, all of them alike.

to the south, you see a pickle bar.

> revive ask chaki thread

I can't see the ask chaki thread here

There is a lot of noise coming from within the pickle bar.

>imageflood room

>suggest 'props' to the finn

>eat popcorn

I don't understand.

>use popcorn

I don't understand

>put popcorn in mouth

I don't understand

>fuflkjfasdj;clkc

I don't understand

the finn says 'what's a props?'

the finn eyes you quizically

>explain props to the finn

three hours pass

the finn eyes you quizically

>use snark

> mod gives you < meta warning

>use meta warning on clusterfuck

The clusterfuck grows!

Out of the clusterfuck emerges ... the dreaded STRAWMAN

>say to finn, 'enter clusterfuck'

the finn eyes you quizically

> talk to the STRAWMAN

>You have already fed the troll

i can't see a STRAWMAN

>Post ironic GIS image

I don't understand

>;laskjdf;lajsdf;lkajsdf;klasjdf

I don't understand

The clusterfuck grows again!

>talk to lurker

the lurker does not respond

There is a door marked "I Love Music" here.

>examine door

run y/n 

you run

>the door is locked

Pick up Log.

Use the Log to get in.

the lurker follows you

You are in a circular room. Rows of bookshelves line the walls. Several people huddle in a corner discussing Pynchon.

> start thread "the beatles are overrated"

[code]there is a geir

what do you want to do?[/code

The people in the corner look at you oddly. "What does that have to do with postmodern fiction?" they ask?

use "book of eggers"

The people in the corner drop the Pynchon book and stare at you.

>defend oneself with irony

The people batter themselves senseless against your irony!

The Pynchon book lies unnoticed.

>take pynchon book

you now have the pynchon book.

>there is a grate on the floor. you can make out the words 'I Love Comics' on the grate.

> open grate

there is a strange smell from below the grate.

You hear the distant sounds of lasers and a male voice shouting "LUDA!"

through the grate you see a dark room with several odd-looking creatures along the edges. they are wearing capes and appear to be playing with toy ships.

>close grate

You are stopped by MONA LISA LUDATITS!

>use search

that will not help you here. try something else.

>attack MONA LISA LUDATITS with Linkbreaker Sword

you broke the link.

>look

there is a door to the west marked AFTL. The floor grate is now closed. The readers appear to be regaining consciousness.

>read pynchon book

[cast spell of confusion on SELF] You take 4 points of damage.

>use FAQ

I don't understand.

Still dazed, you wander through the door marked AFTL.

The room is very quiet.

enjoying this

From behind the wall you hear a Chung.

ignore the Chung

there is a bargain priced DVD here

>ask Chung about hentai

There is a whooshing sound and a bright light. You feel like you are spinning, and close your eyes. When you open them, you are back in the room lined with bookshelves.

There is a door to the west marked AFTL. There is a closed grate in the floor. There are some readers here.

>turn face into a heart
you can't do that.

>INVENTORY
YOU HAVE:
A PERSONALITY DISORDER
A CHIP ON YOUR SHOULDER

>share personality disorder with readers

you are already doing that.

u guys are dorks

> Computer, I think I'm in love with you

I don't understand.

> I knew you wouldn't...this is so SO hard. I guess it started at your birthday party last year.

I don't understand.

> Yeah, you didn't even know I was there. Rodney invited me - we were seeing each other back then, off and on.

I don't understand.

> He was cheating on his girl with me. Ugh, let's not even go there. Anyways, you were handing out drinks by the hot tub and I couldn't take my eyes off of you.

I don't understand.

> Go West

You see a framed racist right-wing cartoon hanging up on a wall.

lol

>suggest ban the slocki

12 hours pass

xyzzy

you have unlocked '77'

you enter the door marked '77'
there is a doorman
do you want to tip the doorman y/n
y
are you sure you want to do this y/n
y
there is a CLUSTERFUCK

>invite the finn

the finn has PRINCIPLES
he refuses your offer
he wants to share his PRINCIPLES with you

(this thread is no fun without tuomas, tbh)