The Workshy Guide to Great Days (and Nights!) out

i don't want your tents. i've told you!

A hot little establishment hidden away in up and coming Putney, Furness is a bar that certainly lives up to its name. Underfloor Roman hypocaust style heating keeps the floors so hot that, in order to navigate from the chic yet snug (constructed out of hot water bottles) seating area to the bar (molten rock constantly shifting and reforming in time to the hypnotic sweaty drum and base pouring out of the barman's mouth), the normally louche television and crack addict set that frequent the venue have to perform a kind of sidewinder lizard dance. Once at the bar, discreet obsidian ledges provide momentary foot relief as the barman, replete with cloven hooves horns and a tail mixes your sulphur and chili based drinks choice over a bunsen burner. Although not recommended for those who get heat rash or pregnant mothers, Furness is nevertheless becoming established on the London scene as a Destination Bar for industry movers in the know.

Clubbers come check out the hottest new nightspot Islam!! Bangin Trance choons plus a giant Osama head with flashin lights COMIN' OUTTA IT'S FUCKING EYES!!!!

i'd brave a million and one jihads to go to that gig.

King Boppo's World of Haircuts

Theme park based around the story of a magical clown-king who gets a crewcut.

'The Sitting Room'

Very lovely night club with coo' Dutch and Belgian Techno musical selections in the ears. Man kann getrinken GnarlBrau uder Skol.

What makes this place a little different is the 'sitting' feature/rule. Basically the rule is that when you have bought a pint you have to join (or start) a 'ten men circular sit-down'. If you try to stand at the bar (there's no seats) the bouncer jooks you in the belly and throws you out.

Lot's of fun. Don't forget your lube' though, you'll need it!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/birmingham/content/images/2005/05/18/clubbers_180_180x200.jpg

King Boppo's Haircut Festival

It's a festival where you get to try out different haircuts. £80 for the weekend incl camping. Line up:

Haircut 100
B-52's
Hair Police
The Bangs
Afro-Celt Soundsystem
Voice of the Beehive

The Skull and Shrapnelled Arms, Shadwell
Kronenbourg?! Not on my watch you fancy nancy woopsy boy. I don't want none of that foreign rubbish.

E-bar
Swop links for hilarious phone rings and pills that will help you astound her young boy. Hey maybe you can even pick up a degree (guaranteed to be from an acredited learning establishment) without doing anything more taxing than click clicking away with your trusty mouse, a starbucks coffee cocktail clutched firmly in the other hand. Fill up from our assorted pizza deli and while away the hours programming spam bots to plague the message boards of those bastards who aren't gay enough to need or want any of your products.

The Queen's Bog

Thought that posh people don't piss or shit? Think again! This is the first time the royal khazie has been open to the public. Enjoy the sites, sounds and smells of a majestic dumping ground. You might be able to catch Prince Philip taking his daily clod.

King Boppo's Haircut Club, Brick Lane

Bangin' beats and haircuts.