Ron.V.Burger King King.

Interesting angle Bowesy.

did you know, there used to be a Ronald MacDonald who worked at National Mutual Glasgow branch.

Its gotta be mcdonalds. the original and best, global, all powering, fast food joint. ronald would raise an army out of his workers, and they would literally take over the world, never mind some stupid king of poo burgers.

throw one whopper at one of that lot and youd take out 10 at least. love to watch them all slipping over on mayo. while the Kings playing keepy uppy with the clowns head.

The Church of St. Ron

Although ‘Ronism’ (the act of worshipping St. Ronald McDonald by eating at his churches) is relatively new, the history of St. Ron himself is a journey that spans the many ages of man. There are those who simply follow the ‘sit-eat-leave’ ethos which has all but ruined the image of Ron in the modern world. But there are those of us who have truly found Ron, felt his love, and come to understand life through Ron’s teachings and compassion. We are the followers who you will see in the churches (restaurants), making the sacred sign of the ‘M’ with our hands in a silent prayer before eating the food which Ron had provided for us. A silent prayer which ends not with ‘Amen’, but with ‘I’m loving it’. Welcome to the Church of St. Ron.

First let’s dispel some myths about St. Ron:

Restaurant critics (like the one pictured left) will tell you that McDonald’s isn’t even a restaurant. Blasphemy! These people are usually fed on silly little meals of very little nutritional value, at astronomically expensive eating venues. Ron laughs at such intense stupidity. Eat at Ron’s - very little nutritional value, but cheap. Yeah!

There are those who will try to explain away religion with science, telling you that your religion is ‘wrong’ or ‘misguided’. These people are themselves wrong and misguided, in fact they are wankers. Do not listen to them, let your faith guide you (but not whilst driving). Men have tried to disprove St. Ron (see left), but Ron does not hate these men. He loves them, like he love us all. Ron loves you. Eat at Ron’s. Come on, seriously now. Eat.

Ronism Throughout The Ages:

Did Dan Brown’s ‘The DaVinci Code’ miss something? Take a look closely at the classic painting ‘The Last Supper’, and you will see that Jesus and pals were in fact eating at McDonald’s. This is identifiable by the ‘M’ over the large central window. They were enjoying a meal at the first ever St. Ron’s, called the Ronopolis. It was this subtle faded ‘M’ that was to evolve over the centuries to become the Golden Arches we see these days. Wow!

The Ronopolis itself was the ancient palace built at the site where Ronald McDonald fell to earth, in around 1600BC. The sound he made when he hit the ground was so loud that modern scientists have dubbed it the ‘Big Bang’. This led to the invention of the ‘Big Mac’ (owing to the fact that calling the burger the ‘Big Bang’ was considered extremely rude to Ron, who deserves to have his name on all his burgers). You can’t go to the real Ronopolis unless you are dead, because it’s in heaven. Obviously. That’s what heaven is! I shouldn’t have to point that out. Ron loves you. Come on now.

The Ronopolis has grown over the millennia, from a rubbish little temple the size of a garage, into an immense place of worship and learning and love.

The first burger was made by putting a mule’s ear in between two crude pieces of flat-bread. It must have tasted great, because Jesus himself chose Ron’s to do a bit of emergency catering, in a certain biblical tale about the loaves and the fishes (a.k.a. the ‘Filet-‘o’-Fish’). It was a story that was to secure Ron’s place in history and catering forever! It’s the same reason cows are sacred in parts of the world – they are reserved exclusively for Ron. The tablet which Moses smashed at Mount Sinai was in fact the menu from Ron’s, carved lovingly in stone. But Ron forgave Moses because Ron loves all. The only time Ron got angry was when someone made a false idol of him, namely a huge ‘M’ made of gold. Ron smashed this M into pieces and spoke: “Make not golden arches for me, but go to mine church and eat!” Nevertheless the idea of the golden arches stuck fast, and the nuggets of gold retrieved from the original M are now represented by chicken ones. Eat at Ron’s. If you don’t, you’re gay. McDonald’s food is incredibly good for you.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:

Good:- Ronald McDonald, a.k.a. St. Ron or just Ron. A look at his muscular physique will show the obvious benefits of eating at Ron’s, as will his impressively large feet, wonderful creamy complexion and luscious crop of fiery hair. As old as time itself, Ron still wears the mystical suit he wore when he came to earth all those years ago. He also has a massive appetite for women, and could kick your ass.

Bad:- the Hamburglar is an abomination unto Ron, very much the Satan of the Church of St. Ron. He would go so far as to steal the very burgers which have been made for you and me. Bastard! Luckily, Ronald McDonald kicked his ass and he hasn’t been around for a while. Ron did this for you. Be thankful. Eat at Ron’s.

Ugly:- David Hasselhoff is not as good looking as you might think. Time has taken its toll on this once-handsome man. It’s unclear whether or not he worships Ron, but he better do or else he’s in for a serious ass-kicking from ‘you know who’. There was one episode of Knight Rider in which David did eat a cheeseburger, so perhaps all is not lost. He’s still ugly though. Eat at Ron’s. Now!

So What Does The Future Hold?:

Well, friend, you have come to the end of this introduction to the Church of St. Ron. I hope you have learned something. The future for Ron’s is that he will only continue to grow in strength and popularity and love. Ron is never ending. Ron is love. The future for you, however, is simple and obvious: GO TO RON’S AND EAT.

I’m loving it.

I'm Tuggin' it.

Oh yeah, shit. Maybe Long-man is Ganesh!

Or J.R "Bob" Dobbs perhaps?

I'm Lovin' it, Amen.

can't believe you licked ron's face steven, did it taste of burger?

Ron tasted of God.

Ron Wear! FRBR (For Ron By Ron)

This is what my Sunia got me for Christma..... er I mean Ron-mas this year! She is the ultimate Mrs.

Ah, what a nice right-wing Ron! Lovely.

I wanna hang around with a popular peado.....

Fucking hell, Ron's got his beer gogles on again! Must have been in a European McChurch where they serve beers.

I would do the Ronwear girl in the time it takes to cook a Big Mac.

Checking out some 'pretty-Ladys' that's right Ron!

Here she is....

Kickin' it with Grimace.

As for Grimace, he's totally underrated and REALLY fit!

I've got a load of Ron vouchers that run out at the end of the month, we should go to Ron's and get fucked on burgers!

i'd much rather do little burger

oh well

On the first day Ron chilled out and knew that it was good.
On the second day, Ron watched some tv and saw that it was good.
On the third day, Ron beat one out, and saw that it was good.
On the fourth day, Ron went to the job centre to collect his job seekers allowance and saw that it was good.
On the fifth day Ron got pissed at the boozer with his mates with his job seekers allowance, adn swa thta ti saw godo.
On the sixth day, Ron was hungover, and saw that it was worth it.
On the seventh day, Ron created the universe and everything and went for a jog, and said I'm loving it.

So as you can see, Ron dedicated 6 days of the week (J 2135) to doing whatever as long as it didnt involve exercise, but on the seventh day it is a sacred day where you must try and do a bit of work and exercise. if you can be bothered....

Worship Ron for he is beautiful and giving and he makes sacrifices.

For instance, he sacrificed his only rain forests so that we might eat his nourishing creations for bargain donations.

I'm gonna buy one of these and get it put behind the bar in the Red Hart! Pints will be more beautifull than ever!!!!!!!!