Rolling hilariously shitty ad copy for video games thread

So I just started paging through the new issue of game informer and there is a 2 page spread for "Enslaved: Odyssey to the West" (which im pretty sure is going to suck anyway but whatever), and the print copy is this:

Two Lives: Two Fates.
One Legendary Journey

One hundred and fifty years from now, human dociety as you know it is gone. Nature has smothered the relics of civilization in a blanket of vegetation. THe last few survivors live in a perpetual fear, fleeing from the deadly war machines of wars long forgotten.

You are one of the last men standing, surviving alone in the wilds through brute strength and primal instincts. She survives through ingenuity and technology.

She needs you as her guardian, her strength so she enslaves you with an explosive headband. Take her home and she'll set you free. That is the deal you are forced to accept.

I mean this is a big dollar promo campaign, for a major studio crossplatform game and this is the best they can come up with? I can't think of any other industry that would let such a shambling, awkwardly worded thing go out to the public untouched.

jesus

i was kinda with it until "explosive headband"

that is because you live in a perpetual fear

Being enslaved with an explosive headband, that story's as old as the hills.

OT, but LOVED Game Informer's Saturday Evening Post homage this month.

hell yes, design on GI is kicking ass as of late

fleeing from the deadly war machines of wars long forgotten.

WAR

human dociety as you know it is gone.

alert z_s

human dociety as you know it is gone.

alert z_s

alright already no need to ask twice

*alerts z_s*

also

THe last few survivors

THat's SOme GOod QUality COntrol RIght THere

I hear this game is god damned gorgeous though (albeit not any fun to play)

ok uh full admission dociety and THe are both my shitty typings fault.

the decline of human dociety was written all over the wall tbh

now we all have to wear explosive headbands

i like that while surviving alone in the wilds through brute strength and primal instincts you get enslaved with an explosive headband by a girl that demands you take her home.

uhm.

your condo has long been smothered by Nature in a blanket of vegetation

hmm

you try texting yr bro see if you can use his place but hes too busy living in a perpetual fear, fleeing from the deadly war machines of wars long forgotten to text back

grr

maybe she means 'home' like where you grew up. but your parents place in westchester as you know it is gone since your dad retired and they moved to santa barbara to be closer to your sister and her kids.

buuh

maybe she means her place? no. she has roommates. of course she has roommates. could really use some of that ingenuity and technology right about now because seriously? i'm p much out of ideas here, lady.

fyi guys, "dociety" and "THe" are jjj's typos, not the ads. the ad is full of plenty of suck-juice besides tho, includes a bare-chested man wearing what looks like a tiara and holding a stick attacking some robot-bird thing while a chick in the background looks at him expectedly.

BONER

kudos to jj for recreating the dociety thing perfectly