It's all apart of my football fantasy team! (aka America's favorite Dystopian pastime NFL 2025)

It's all apart of my football fantasy team! (sung ala Paul Rodgers)

IN THE YEAR 2025,
if John Riggins is still alive
If the Jets are still alive
If Belichick’s hoodie survived
Quarterbacks might not even drive

In the year 3535
No more huddles—just AI play design
Running backs extinct since ‘09
Wideouts built from biotech slime

In the year 4545
Referees now read our minds
Flags thrown from satellites
Pass interference costs your rights

In the year 5555
Teams don’t play, they simply vibe
The Lombardi’s now a cosmic prize
Hosted on the moon—no ticket buys

In the year 6565
The Browns are close, just one yard shy
Their fans still hope and wonder why
As galaxies tweet their final sigh

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It was west of Canton when the gummies kicked in. Things were getting strange... In this reality Aaron Rodgers was a Steeler, something had happened, but was not sure what.

Joe Burrow comes out and lights up a preseason series and now they are Superbowl dark horses. Oh football media, you guys always got to have a new angle.

been going this way for a long time, but we are reaching crisis levels of hyper-analyzing the pre-season this year, just insanity.

This preseasons radio talking head seem to be obsessed with the Browns QB situation and seemingly about their 4th stringer, some Big 12 draftee of note.

So what is the +/- on Saquon Barkley coming to be victim of the Madden cover hex? Can you do that in a Trifecta on FanDuel?

it would be difficult for saquon to match last year, but unless he gets hurt i see no reason why he wouldn't be really good

no idea how to honestly grade preseason performance -- the entire enterprise is absurd -- but that was some pretty poor stuff from shadeur

didn't hear about this new award until today: https://operations.nfl.com/updates/the-players/new-protector-of-the-year-award-to-honor-offensive-linemen/

congrats to frogbs and packers fans. jerry jones is one stupid motherfucker

wait a second. we just signed who now

love to see an EDGE mentioned despite it not being an acronym

Big time echos of Reggie White going to Green Bay...I'm sure that will be said many times. Different situation, but near that level of talent.

didn't hear about this new award until today: https://operations.nfl.com/updates/the-players/new-protector-of-the-year-award-to-honor-offensive-linemen/

Wow - nice, this is long overdue!

yeah I wish the NFL had one award for every position or position group, like the NHL does it. I like the idea of the best o-line guys getting some of their due at least.

It's also an opportunity for additional incentive bonuses.

Ready for the season, just wish it didn't start off with the Cowboys.

Didn’t expect this game to be a shootout. Way to go, Jalen Carter.

Good game with an hour weather delay.

Carter sorry for spitting on Prescott: 'A mistake'

lol fuck you and fuck your entire team

Dak spit first!

Dak spit on the ground. He absolutely baited Carter, and nailed it - got exactly the reaction and result he wanted.

Chargers looked good, what a great game. Nothing like the NFL.

Chargers maybe should consider playing south of the equator full time

Chargers got a wild schedule, after this it's the Raiders and then Denver! If they can win all three they have the inside track to the division before October begins

The new Adidas ad with Trevor Lawrence and Travis Hunter is funny / weird

and/or SUPER coded

Got stuck with Brady on the Giants Commanders game. Sigh.

Stuck with Raiders / Patriots, but it's not a bad game so far.

saw my first ad on nfl redzone earlier. blood boiling

fuck aaron rodgers but that is objectively funny as hell

I’m on to Packers Lions. What did Rodgers do

threw 4 TDs against the jets in the meadowlands

Damn was Ben Johnson like the only reason that offense worked in Detroit? Holy crap this is really bad start

Stafford looked old in the first half but what a supporting cast.

Hopkins catch was insane

Cleveland does have a defensive front. They sacked Burrows 3 straight plays at one point.

Both teams looked kinda ugly on offense.

It is just the way it is.

apparently Justin Herbert has joined Brees and Brady as one of the only QBs to ever throw for 300+ and 3 TDs in an international game

Caleb Williams is looking pretty legit

By the way is there a collection of those weird MNF animations somewhere?? I love them so much

Bears have nobody to blame but themselves if they lose this imho - some mildly iffy penalties but they’ve drawn a shitload of flags for way too many yards

Caleb def not feelin it the way he was in the 1st quarter. dare I say he is shook right now

alright that's gotta feel good for Viking fans

Tell me that’s not another flag for the bears lol oh shit of course it is

false starts were bad, but the hold and pti calls were awful

a bit hilarious how both were accidental flops where a viking slipped and fell near a bear

really wish the NFL would just let coaches challenge penalties with their red flags like they can in the NBA.

they have that in the CFL and it's a bit of a nightmare, coaches can go fishing for holding or PI calls

stoked for tonight’s game regardless of outcome

GB is looking pretty darn good.

Definitely some weird Rollerball vibe to this whole 'zon broadcast. Digged hearing Al Michaels drop some Big Red Machine 72 and leaving for more money to work for the Giants.

The last time two 0-2 teams met on week three of Sunday night football was 2002: Bengals at Falcons.

Bengals and Fins gonna be tanking!

How soon do we see Kirk Cousins behind center in Atlanta?

You expect the Chiefs to win but hoping for the opposite

kinda funny to see all those "has Russell Wilson regained his magic" stories last week maybe the truth is the Dallas defense is extremely bad

it is astonishingly bad

but hey at least they traded for a guy who can 'stop the run' (?)

dunno if I've ever seen intentional grounding called on a ball thrown out of the end zone

oh my god Giants had 1st and Goal from the 4 and Russ threw it out of bounds 3 times lmao

Yeah, disappointed ending

I dunno if I've ever seen a QB do that I mean all three probably should've been intentional grounding

How soon do we see Kirk Cousins behind center in Atlanta?

― octobeard, Monday, 22 September 2025 00:55 (eight hours ago)

Not gonna happen but I assume the falcons will be getting some calls soon. I don’t think* anyone in atl thought this was going to be anymore than a rebuilding season.

*I should not pretend to understand anything Arthur Blank does

maybe the truth is the Dallas defense is extremely bad

Yeah this is the most reasonable explanation by far. They miss Parsons so bad lol.

I kinda thought Daniel Jones had a chance to be something decent. He was fairly efficient at times for the Giants. Giants always seemed to play really stupid and was always getting offensive line penalties at bad times and their WRs were really not usually that great.

Jones reminds me quite a bit of Alex Smith in style. Alex Smith went through the gauntlet on some cruddy Niner clubs and eventually when he got around a decent supporting cast, could be a very effective player.

Got to wonder in the QB whisperer world that the Mannings kinda helped this all to happen perhaps? I'm sure it is not out of the realm of possibility.

New Orleans looks like a grease fire, do not seem to be near getting good. That club has hit hard times. I think for younger fans, they don't remember how bad they were forever. They were literally the worst club ever until the Bucs had that crown for a few years in the NFC.

Back when the Saints were in the NFC West it was an automatic win for the Niners usually. A few Archie Manning years had them competitive but that's it

Just turned on AZ vs Seattle. Last minute

Cards do come back, good.

Boo

ok now I'm convinced JJ McCarthy ain't that hurt the Vikings just don't want him to get killed behind this line. Wentz oughta get a bonus for this.

How did the Chargers lose to the Giants?

I didn’t get to watch that, stuck with Commanders at Falcons. Disappointed on multiple levels.

Another block kick, this time the Raiders are the one.

hmmm maybe the Bears are turning a corner that's the kind of shit that always happens *against* them

The Cults are a pretty good team, they probably should have won. Bonehead play were the ball came out before a celebration.

Rams are such a good running team but Sean McVay always gets so impatient.

Didn't expect this Dallas vs Green Bay game to be this close

Everything seems very safe

didnt look like it was gonna be but GB seems to have a penchant for big momentum killing plays. to be fair Dallas keeps committing dumb penalties so they can only blame themselves if they lose

man...Doubs has been incredible this game

Too easy

which rocks because he's wearing the guardian cap so he looks like a space alien out there, don't get me wrong I'm very glad he is but you gotta admit it looks silly as hell

Cowboys just walked down the field

oh my god what

that was remarkably easy they were leaving dudes wide open

Extra football

oh god McManus took a shot trying to stop that return

it might be time to actually put a man on Pickens

hoooly shit

What a catch

But they only got three

because Parsons outran Dak on 2nd

Tense, can really go either way

Lol

oohhhhh myyy god that entire game was downright silly

what a lucky break for Love there, would've been hard to live that down

That game tied the room together.

Also, a scorigami!

obviously was rooting for the Packers but you know what a tie actually felt pretty appropriate for a game like that

man, the clock management at the end

everybody kept talking about 'i see not wanting to leave Dallas too much time with the ball' and it's like....they won't get the ball if you score a TD! they'll get it if you settle for a field goal, which Green Bay weirdly seemed to be playing for the entire time.

that weird backwards pass to Golden with like 30 sec left seems like it might not've been the plan, they looked pretty lost after that