guys I totally love Bernie Kosar

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I just watched an NFL Films Presents about him. Steve Sabol asks him the cruelest questions, basically, "what do you think about the fact that you played the game uglier than any quarterback ever?" and it doesn't even phase him. and he sounds like he's drunk the whole time, but he's never belligerent or defensive, even when talking about when Belichick cut him from the Browns. ;_; he is awesome, even if he's all crazy renegade murder investigator now.

― horseshoe, Saturday, 3 March 2007 22:47 (eighteen years ago)

thank you, thank you, wikipedia:

Brief Facts:

In Cleveland, Bernie gained wide recognition as the greatest quarterback in the history of mankind.

He made history when, in 1991, he single-handedly won the Persian Gulf War, in addition to leading the Browns to the playoffs.

Nine months and 1 day after "The Drive," John Elway's wife gave birth to a side-arm throwing boy. Coincidence?

Kosar cured polio while having sex with a supermodel and simultaneously saving a kitten from a tree.

In 1987, Bernie's poop was elected mayor of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvannia, as a Democrat. It served for 3 terms and a statue on 9th Street was erected in its honor.

In 44 B.C., Kosar killed Caesar and became Roman emperor.

Bernie was clocked at a 16.9 40 yard dash. Then again, he often said he never ran hard "to give the other team a chance."

The sight of Bernie's side arm throwing motion made grown men cry.

Mention of Kosar's name caused the Japanese to surrender, ending World War II.

Bernie's monsterous penis killed Anna Nicole Smith.

― TOMBOT, Sunday, 4 March 2007 18:36 (eighteen years ago)

hahaha!!!!! I just looked at that entry, then looked up other edits made by whoever added that:

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Tony_Kornheiser&diff=prev&oldid=110176522

― cankles, Sunday, 4 March 2007 18:39 (eighteen years ago)

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Josef_Mengele&diff=prev&oldid=103057284

awesome

― cankles, Sunday, 4 March 2007 18:40 (eighteen years ago)

resolves to st. louis university. hooray college library computers

― TOMBOT, Sunday, 4 March 2007 18:44 (eighteen years ago)

Kosar does the preaseason games in Cleveland and sounds like a drunken Brenda Vaccaro.

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 15:54 (eighteen years ago)

I think the most amazing thing about BK is that HIS FATHEAD IS SOLD OUT.

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 15:58 (eighteen years ago)

ok that is because they only made 5 of them.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 5 March 2007 16:06 (eighteen years ago)

DEMAND HAS OUTSTRIPPED SUPPLY U MEAN

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 16:10 (eighteen years ago)

I wonder what the foreign worker thinks after toiling 12 hours a day at the Fathead plant in order to keep up with America's insatiable demand for everything Kosar. Will this orange helmeted god return to deliver the oppressed masses from their sadistic bosses? The answer is, probably.

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 16:18 (eighteen years ago)

i love u lk

also i really thought you guys were joking about the kosar fathead all along. no, it's REAL.

http://www.fathead.com/fatheadsweb/_Images/nfl/products/large/kosar_bernie_lg.jpg

― cankles, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:26 (eighteen years ago)

2 REAL

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:37 (eighteen years ago)

they only made 5 of them.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 5 March 2007 18:42 (eighteen years ago)

FIVE TIMES THE REALITY

― David R., Monday, 5 March 2007 19:42 (eighteen years ago)

lol they should make one for every uniform he's ever worn.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 5 March 2007 20:54 (eighteen years ago)

also lol @ kosar being followed by testaverde everywhere, ever.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 5 March 2007 20:55 (eighteen years ago)

srsly, what's vinnie's beef with kosar anyway?

― chicago kevin, Monday, 5 March 2007 21:42 (eighteen years ago)

I know! Kosar got too old and went all Logans Run so Belichick sent Testaverde to hunt him down.

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 21:44 (eighteen years ago)

xpost to the schef

― brownie, Monday, 5 March 2007 21:45 (eighteen years ago)

I hope someone's working on a KISS THE SCHEF apron.

― David R., Monday, 5 March 2007 21:58 (eighteen years ago)

Browns fan Drew Carey used to do a great Bernie Kosar impression, where he would stand the mike stand straight up then swat it down as a joke about Bernie's mobility in the pocket.

Is Chad Pennington the Nu-Kosar?

Bernie did get a Superbowl ring holding the clipboard for the Cowboys as Aikmann's backup.

― earlnash, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 03:08 (eighteen years ago)

wait for some reason someone (??) said that kiss the schef thing to me last night in the bar!

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 6 March 2007 16:43 (eighteen years ago)

LURKER!!!

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

I was where I am.

― David R., Tuesday, 6 March 2007 17:59 (eighteen years ago)

mind-blowing

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 6 March 2007 20:15 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

Sobering news article

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09194/983561-66.stm

― hobbes (brownie), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:08 (sixteen years ago)

we are all kosarians today

― hobbes (brownie), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:08 (sixteen years ago)

He shattered a Kid Rock-autographed guitar the other day while chasing one teenager out of his house because he doesn't mind all of the other boys within the area code thinking the Kosar girls have an unhinged dad.

― hobbes (brownie), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:10 (sixteen years ago)

Lord that story is like the setup for an hour long HBO TV show.

― earlnash, Thursday, 16 July 2009 00:33 (sixteen years ago)

really really weird article. he doesn't know how to do laundry?? this really shook my father to his core, no joke

― shamwow holdingtongue (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 16 July 2009 00:35 (sixteen years ago)

yea wtf cutting french bread w/ a saw? is the angle that he wants a osbournes-like reality show?

― johnny crunch, Thursday, 16 July 2009 00:46 (sixteen years ago)

That article didn't quite shake me to the core, but it made me sad. I remember him leading the Hurricanes to the Nat'l Championship in 1983. He was a great player, and seemed like he had it together, even after he retired.

― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:04 (sixteen years ago)

:( i can't bring myself to read the whole article.

― horseshoe, Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:17 (sixteen years ago)

He's been doing the Browns pre-season games for awhile- it was pretty obvious that his speech was slurred and I dunno if it was concussions or what, yet the guy knew exactly what the offense was going to run and how to beat the D that was on the field. At first he was kinda of joke but if you listened to him (and got the lol DRUNK out of the way) he was (and is) extremely saavy about the offense. He still calls in to Clevo sports talk radio and well, he's good.

What struck me from the article was that Bernie doesn't have his original teeth because he couldn't call audibles with a mouthpiece. He was ALL about the audible. RIP Bernie's teeth.

― hobbes (brownie), Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:20 (sixteen years ago)

Yeah, he didn't have the greatest physical gifts (that portion of the article comparing Kosar to Vinny Testaverde is especially telling in that regard), so he compensated with savvy and smarts.

― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:23 (sixteen years ago)

yeah, this mostly just makes me glad i didnt play football past HS

― cankles, Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:25 (sixteen years ago)

Kosar has lots of physical ailments, but it sounds like his biggest problems are lots and lots of bad business decisions after he retired.

― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:28 (sixteen years ago)

yeah every time i read about one of these old football dudes shuffling around like a WW2 vet at the age of 43 or something i am vv glad i didn't pursue my wide receiver career beyond the earliest stages~

― "he said...all things passantino the night" (omar little), Thursday, 16 July 2009 01:31 (sixteen years ago)

ESPN Reality show sounds like a good move

― more ▌▌▌▌in more places (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 16 July 2009 13:50 (sixteen years ago)

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