Please find me a team to love

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So the Titans and I fell in love in the fall of 2000 on a breif visit to Nashville. Things were great for a while but then the Titans started to change. Long story short, I realised the haste with which I involved myself and the degree to which we have grown apart and have decided to break up.

So, help me find a new team so I can enjoy football again. I've got 8 months to build up some love.

I do have a few guidelines. I cant get behind any team that possesses any of the following:

a bird for a mascot (tweet tweet)
shiny white pants (i cant look at people with huge legs wearing shiny white pants. i just cant. that wasnt even acceptable in the 80s)
is from california, florida or texas
is from pittsburgh (gay logo, no?)
is from indianapolis (see below)

i actually liked the colts quite a lot until i had the misfortune of hearing peyton mannings helmet microphone. what a fucking girl.

help!

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 February 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

cleveland browns

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 6 February 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

where u from originally?

― Milhouse is not a meme. But 'Milhouse is not a meme' IS a meme. (Adrian Langston, Monday, 6 February 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

australia

hst, definite possibility

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 February 2006 15:19 (nineteen years ago)

you should probably be a green bay packers fan, but i don't think they're going to be too good for a while. the cleve brownies are a nice call.

the steelers' logo is based on an old logo for the steel industry, and therefore decidedly not gay.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 6 February 2006 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

dude, i thought the steel industry was decidedly, famously, fabulously gay.

packers - good choice. i got a thing for wisconsin.

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 February 2006 17:27 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, sunny. I just took the Browns to the Super Bowl a little while ago.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 6 February 2006 17:40 (nineteen years ago)

!!!!!

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 February 2006 17:48 (nineteen years ago)

whose tv turf are yall in? cowboys i'm guessing for sure but is it chiefs or titans on the afc side?

― j blount (papa la bas), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:13 (nineteen years ago)

Homer endeavors to make Bart more "manly" by forcing him to look at a cigarette billboard featuring scantily-clad women, but this only leads to Bart developing a taste for slim cigarettes. Homer then takes him to see a steel mill's muscle-bound workforce, only to find that the factory is entirely staffed by flamboyantly gay workers.

The episode is dedicated to the Steelworkers of America ("Keep reaching for that rainbow").

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:15 (nineteen years ago)

exactly

Blount, all they seemed to show last year were Jacksonville games but I think thats because the Razorbacks QB Matt Jones was drafted there.

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:25 (nineteen years ago)

I think more love is needed for your NEW ORLEANS SAINTS. You get the perpetual underdog/loser thing which is great for self-deprecation and staring at the bottoms of empty pint glasses, you get spiffy black/gold and the fleur de lis logo AND you get to hope against hope that Sean Payton won't draft Matt Leinart and queer the whole team out. So much for so little!

― adam (adam), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:37 (nineteen years ago)

packers - good choice. i got a thing for wisconsin.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

― Dan (ANYONE BUT THEM) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:39 (nineteen years ago)

Just as long as they don't turn into a Texas team. The San Antonio Saints would be the most repititive name in professional sports since the Los Angeles Angels.

The Dallas Cowboys regrettably are our local TV team based on geography and Jerry Jones. Sunny's right with the Jacksonville Jones, who play their games at Alltel Stadium (Alltel being based in Little Rock.)

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:40 (nineteen years ago)

the chargers!

― gear (gear), Monday, 6 February 2006 18:51 (nineteen years ago)

as a once-and-forever Titans fan myself, I second gear. Just pretend they're not from California.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

Root for the New Jers-*cough*-York Jets! No team is more put upon than the Jets. They are the Mets of the NFL!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 00:30 (nineteen years ago)

Note: they have white pants, but they play on dirty so they aren't shiny for very long.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 00:31 (nineteen years ago)

Root for whatever team T.O. will be on!!! that's what i'm gonna do.

― Milhouse is not a meme. But 'Milhouse is not a meme' IS a meme. (Adrian Langston, Tuesday, 7 February 2006 00:31 (nineteen years ago)

Don't root for the Chargers, they're mine.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

yr welcome to them.
jets are a possibility. adrian has had the best idea yet.

what about denver? pros and cons?

― sunny successor (katharine), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 14:40 (nineteen years ago)

don't root for denver until they go back to their old orange crush unis

http://www.thepowerhour.com/news/denver.JPG

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 15:37 (nineteen years ago)

Stick with the Colts. What's wrong with Peyton Manning being a fucking girl? Half the people in the world are fucking girls... you yourself are a fucking girl! It's nice that a fucking girl has done so well for herself in the NFL. They should do a story about it for Sports Illustrated.

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 15:57 (nineteen years ago)

oh my god that's roffles.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

Let every breed of Mongo hear my words! Do not root for the Browns, they will destroy you.

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:08 (nineteen years ago)

swimsuit edition

― sunny successor (katharine), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:24 (nineteen years ago)

I like the suggestion of the Saints but only if they do not move, btw. Don't the Colts wear white pants??? Because if their pants are ok I'd suggest taking the Giants as a replacement. Similar colors, a different, less emo Manning at QB, a clone for a RB, it's a pretty good option. But white pants.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:22 (nineteen years ago)

unlikely that the saints move now, unless like new orleans either gets hit again or can't get it together enough to recover (both of which ain't out of the realm of possibility). but they ain't going to san antone just yet - tags won't allow the bad pr.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:24 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah I read an article just the other day that they expect the Sep 24 (?? around that date, don't feel like double checking) game to be played in the Superdome, actually! I am not sure if this is wishful thinking or an actual possibility but I like the idea that they've somehow fixed it up enough already to think an early-season game could be played there.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:28 (nineteen years ago)

― pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:31 (nineteen years ago)

Well that's going in the FAQ.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:55 (nineteen years ago)

THE SAINTS ARE NOT GOING TO MOVE. Our theory is that Benson (owner) will give it another couple years to let the bad PR vibes go away and in the meantime new coach + hopefully new QB + healthy Deuce put together a winning season or two, leading the state to give him (Benson) more money, keeping the Saints in tha NO. Or I will riot.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

Also, yes, games in the Dome next season. Very exciting though I kind of wanted them to tear it down and build an open-air stadium so I could smoke during games. Who the fuck wants to trek all the way outside at halftime? Fuck a domed structure.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 20:02 (nineteen years ago)

pp found me this on the bengals from wikipedia. i like the idea of ivy league nfl:

"Founder Paul Brown coached the team for its first three seasons, accumulating 15 wins and 27 losses and one tie. One of Brown's college draft stategies was to draft players with above average intelligence. Punter/wide receiver Pat McInally attended Harvard and linebacker Reggie Williams attended Dartmouth College and served on Cincinnati city council while on the Bengals' roster. Because of this policy, many former players were highly articulate and went on to have successful careers in commentary and broadcasting as well as the arts. "

Also, I felt a little bad when they when they lost the playoffs this year.

Also, hot uniforms. From the bengals site on the uniform introduced in 2004:

"Black pants were added to the lineup, marking the first time in team history that pants of a color other than white were officially part of the team's uniform. "

The drop shadow on the number is a little queer but i can live with it.

Also, the ben-gals are exceptionally well endowed.

― sunny successor (katharine), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 20:54 (nineteen years ago)

dude, their uniforms are gruesome. (and i say this as someone whose high school colors were orange and black.) on the other hand, they're an old-school team and they'll probably be good for at least the next few years. and maybe hstencil will be your friend?

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 20:59 (nineteen years ago)

i like the orange but im very orange/yellow/brown/gold orientated and i know most people arent. my school uniform was gold and maroon. it rocked. hstencil is already my friend. he just doesnt know it yet.

― sunny successor (katharine), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:02 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.cfl.ca/themes/cfl1/graphics/team_ham.jpg

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:06 (nineteen years ago)

If you're orange and brown oriented then put aside your self-esteem and post season aspirations and worship the Browns.

How do you feel about elves? They're slowly bringing back the "Brownie".

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.arc-wayne.org/BROWNIE.jpg

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:18 (nineteen years ago)

Also, your beloved Paul Brown coached the Browns, who are named after him.

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, i think you should be a browns fan too. old school team, old school town, classic uniforms in colors you like, the dawg pound, the years of struggle, the Drive, the flight to baltimore, brian sipe and bernie kosar, the right to hate art modell, the snow, the wind off the lake...FOOTBALL

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:25 (nineteen years ago)

im torn

― sunny successor (katharine), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:27 (nineteen years ago)

that elf is horrifying

― sunny successor (katharine), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:27 (nineteen years ago)

That elf is my only friend.

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:29 (nineteen years ago)

i'm everyone's friend, except that damn elf.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

tigers seem like they should be an awesome basis for a uniform, but the bengals unis are just ASS.

― Milhouse is not a meme. But 'Milhouse is not a meme' IS a meme. (Adrian Langston, Tuesday, 7 February 2006 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

compared to *this*??

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/54/Old_bengals_helmet.GIF/100px-Old_bengals_helmet.GIF

― Stormy Davis (diamond), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 00:03 (nineteen years ago)

everyone i've known from arkansas were either big Chiefs or Rams fans. i'd pick the Chiefs personally.

― Milhouse is not a meme. But 'Milhouse is not a meme' IS a meme. (Adrian Langston, Wednesday, 8 February 2006 00:53 (nineteen years ago)

"everybody"?

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 8 February 2006 03:47 (nineteen years ago)

yus. what? FUCK YOU.

― Milhouse is not a meme. But 'Milhouse is not a meme' IS a meme. (Adrian Langston, Wednesday, 8 February 2006 04:20 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 72 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

lol @ titans fans, good thing you dropped 'em katharine.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 10 September 2006 18:10 (eighteen years ago)

also mary bills are beating pats right now, time to jump on the bandwagon!

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 10 September 2006 18:10 (eighteen years ago)

I am very excited for my first game as a Colts fan! Colts fan b/c if horsey theme, yes, but I was also borned in Indiana (tho I've not lived there for over 25 years) and uniforms don't suck. Broncos as backup team b/c also horsey themed and Ally posted a picture of that hairy guy and I thought he was pretty hot for a football guy.

Technically the Steelers and the Panthers should have been options, as I've spent time in both P'burg and Carolina. Also lived in Texas, but think both Houston and Dallas are pits of hell, therefore their teams are out. I am off to wikipedia know to learn what I can about football before the game starts in just a bit. Have already consumed nachos and will be making wings later. And drinking beer. While sitting on couch. Goddamn I LOVE FOOTBALL!

― quincie (quincie), Sunday, 10 September 2006 21:34 (eighteen years ago)

I mean seriously, I should have embraced this sport way sooner. Now how long will it actually take me to figure out what is going on? Like with the rules and stuff?

― quincie (quincie), Sunday, 10 September 2006 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

Did the Bills win? I was sleeping past 1 today so missed that contest. Q., I predict that by the end of this season you will be an American football expert, but at the expense of crushing on sexy Portuguese soccer players.

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 10 September 2006 22:23 (eighteen years ago)

But the sexy Portuguese soccer players are off for a while, right? Or is soccer ongoing throughout the N. hemisphere winter?

Anyhow, I will remain devoted to the Portuguese soccer team, but they won't even be together for another four years, correct? I mean don't they all go play for other teams now?

Clearly I have much to learn about all forms of football :(. For what it's worth, I know plenty about hoops, especially the college variety. So I'm not a complete sports moran.

― quincie (quincie), Sunday, 10 September 2006 23:06 (eighteen years ago)

The Bills did not win, they lost because of a SAFETY, which is like top 3 lamest ways to lose.

You'll never figure out what is going on, because the refs make and enforce their own rules constantly. As long as you grasp the basics, you're doing good.

― Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (allyzay), Monday, 11 September 2006 02:47 (eighteen years ago)

Soccer carries on all winter! It's a nine month season.

Portugal play about once every six weeks, still, as Portugal! They're in the qualifying round for the Euro 2008 championships, they just tied with finland.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 11 September 2006 10:49 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, Q--this is the main season for soccer, September thru June, I think. The World Cup is held in the off-season. And lots of Portuguese players play for other European teams, and many of them play for Portuguese teams, obviously. It doesn't matter though, because there's no way we can see any of these games, unless we go to a Eurocentric sports bar.

My mom explained the safety to me--the only thing I understood was that it involves 2 points.

I read an article about the oldest nonfootball playing Manning brother.

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 11 September 2006 12:47 (eighteen years ago)

The Bills did not win, they lost because of a SAFETY, which is like top 3 lamest ways to lose.

the bills did not lose because of a safety, they lost because they are quarterbacked by an idiot. they teach you in pop warner that when you drop back to pass inside the 5 you don't go into your own endzone.

jp losman, get a brain moran.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Monday, 11 September 2006 13:17 (eighteen years ago)

exactly how do you define a "safety," Otto, if not by that??

― Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (allyzay), Monday, 11 September 2006 15:43 (eighteen years ago)

Oh, wait - the two bad spots I mentioned re: the Gints game actually happened in the Patsies game. Pro-Pats, of course.

As for JP, I'm not sure he had anywhere to go except down on that safety play. Which was bullshit. Patsies played like dookienuts.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 11 September 2006 15:50 (eighteen years ago)

they lost on a safety but i'd say the REASON they lost was because losman is an idiot and his idiot actions resulted in the safety.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Monday, 11 September 2006 15:52 (eighteen years ago)

There are very, very, very few safeties that are not the result of someone acting like an idiot. That is almost 100% of the time the definition of a safety!

― Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (allyzay), Monday, 11 September 2006 16:09 (eighteen years ago)

no, a bad snap on a punt, a running back getting stuffed, a qb who starts out on the two or one yard line, a fumble into the endzone are all legitimate safeties. not knowing that you can't take more than a three step drop when backed up in your own end zone is unacceptable. then to compound it by trying to ROLL OUT OF THE POCKET (?!??!!) instead of stepping up is either sheer panic or no one ever taught him the basics of the position. losman would be benched at half the high schools in america for trying that shit. rediculous.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Monday, 11 September 2006 16:50 (eighteen years ago)

i mean, he lost 8 yards on a sack. you almost have to TRY to get into your own end zone from your 8 yard line.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Monday, 11 September 2006 16:51 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah OK that's fair enough that's a particularly retarded ass safety. But I still think most safeties are under totally lame circumstances.

― Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (allyzay), Monday, 11 September 2006 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

My moms told me its really embarassing for a team to have a safety.

I'm coming back around to the Redskins, such a strange feeling, like re-embracing the Catholic church, all of the childhood trappings I thought I had thrown off, you can never escape them, no matter how cute Eli Manning and Tom Brady are...

― Mary (Mary), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

Tom Brady's a pouty Jeter-wannabe punkass.

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 14:41 (eighteen years ago)

I would root for the redskins if they went back to these helmets

http://images.footballfanatics.com/productImages/_23000/095855976525-s.jpg

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 14:53 (eighteen years ago)

HEY MARY YR TEAM LOST

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 18:16 (eighteen years ago)

SO DID EVERYONE'S. EVERYONE'S TEAM LOST THIS WEEK.

― Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (allyzay), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 18:50 (eighteen years ago)

NOT MINE.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 18:51 (eighteen years ago)

MY TEAM WON MORALLY.

― c('°c) (Leee), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 18:52 (eighteen years ago)

i don't have a team, i win!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 18:53 (eighteen years ago)

The scoreboard might have said 19-16, but the owner's box was saying

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/dayart/aponline/35193.95VIKINGS-REDSKINS-FOOTBALL.sff.jpg

― Mary (Mary), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 23:44 (eighteen years ago)

ITS OK JACKIE O HE'S NOT DEAD YET

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 00:38 (eighteen years ago)

MY TEAM IS 1-0 WITH CHARLIE BATCH = I WIN

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 00:46 (eighteen years ago)

listen. it might suck that my new team finished their first game at ZERO but i felt ok because my fantasy def CHICAGO scored a delightful 19 pts allowing me to kick some suckers ass.

― sunny successor (katharine), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 16:08 (eighteen years ago)

hst, i know it

― sunny successor (katharine), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 16:12 (eighteen years ago)

not too late to join Brownie's Brigade of Boozed up Browns Backers!

http://clevelandkennelclub.com/dawgpound/01_buriedbones/BROWNIE.jpg

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 16:39 (eighteen years ago)

aww brownie. sorry, but my seething hatred of minnesota keeps me with wisconsin.

― sunny successor (katharine), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 16:49 (eighteen years ago)

dude that elf.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:03 (eighteen years ago)

"that elf", as you say, received nearly 19 percent of the popular vote in the 1992 presidential election

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:09 (eighteen years ago)

Well, it's good he's trying to make something of himself, at least.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:14 (eighteen years ago)

don't patronize him

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:19 (eighteen years ago)

I'm sorry, he just looks a little smug.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:29 (eighteen years ago)

his shoes are a little tight is all

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:30 (eighteen years ago)

Actually, it looks quite a bit like maybe he's just smelling something that smells very bad, surprisingly bad.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:33 (eighteen years ago)

The Giants?

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:37 (eighteen years ago)

No, I was thinking his own team, LOL LOL

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:56 (eighteen years ago)

:'-(

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 19:01 (eighteen years ago)

perhaps he caught a snoutful of willie mcginnest's post-game jockstrap?

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 19:02 (eighteen years ago)

How happy I am I picked the Colts to love! Tho I did not get to watch the game because it was not on my teevee :(

― quincie (quincie), Sunday, 17 September 2006 21:08 (eighteen years ago)

It's easy to love them when they're up, but will you be loyal should they fall down, is the true test. One that I am currently failing with the team that I thought I might try to love.

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 18 September 2006 02:30 (eighteen years ago)

it's often not enough to love your own team; you also need at least one team to hate

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 18 September 2006 02:33 (eighteen years ago)

it just makes me hate indy even more when they rack up the TDs in the fourth quarter when they're already beating the lowly texans by 20 pts. dicks.

― FUCK BABY SURI I HOPE IT CHOKES TO DEATH ON HUBBARD WAFERS (Adrian Langston), Monday, 18 September 2006 02:50 (eighteen years ago)

That is not the worse asswhuppin the Colts have put on the Texans. I think they went into half time up 38-0 on them two years ago and ended up beating them 41-17.

― Earl Nash (earlnash), Monday, 18 September 2006 03:07 (eighteen years ago)

Peyton must think his team will miss out on the BCS if he doesn't drop a 70 spot on South Houston A&M.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Monday, 18 September 2006 06:11 (eighteen years ago)

You should love the 49ers! Perennial doormats the past 4 years with loads of overpaid underachievers and headcases, replaced by young kids who are finally coming into their own. And they sip chardonnay in their huddles and everything! Even if some of them can't drink yet!

― c('°c) (Leee), Monday, 18 September 2006 15:33 (eighteen years ago)

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