the wit and wisdom of albert haynesworth (and other matters relating to the 2009 washington redskins)

"They all fall the same, so it doesn't really matter. None of them are bigger than me, so it doesn't really matter to me," Haynesworth said. "What is he, 250? I weighed 250 when I was in the 10th grade."

--regarding his impending impact w/ brandon jacobs and other running backs

http://www.blogcdn.com/blog.redskins.com/media/2009/09/cerealcooley.jpg

I love Cooley, but the rest of your team is lol. (That said, you're only my third most hated team in the NFC East.)

well, jim zorn is still weird as hell
http://blog.redskins.com/2009/08/27/welcome-home-luncheon-jim-zorn-remains-an-entertaining-speaker/

Well, at my first training camp, I didn't have a car there. I was going to ride home with one of our linebackers; his name was Greg Collins. [..] We're going, honestly, a hundred and thirty-five miles an hour down I-90. That would've been okay, except that we were goin' at times 135 miles an hour passing people in the other lane. And there is no divider on most of I-90. We are flying. [..] We come around this last bend, just before we hit Issaquah, Washington, and -- we shut it down, because we're coming into civilization here -- we're going about 65 miles an hour, and all four wheels hydroplaned. So now we're going 65 miles an hour backward down the freeway. A real nice slow spin.
[..]

The next morning? Greg Collins was cut from the football team. "I was not, for whatever reason." He paused for a second as if reflecting. "Well, I was the starting quarterback. And I felt kinda bad, because I thought he was an outstanding linebacker, and Greg Collins was released."

"Well, he went on to be an actor down in Los Angeles; he's still an actor today. If you ever see any of these Viagra commercials, he's the one guy on the motorcycle that's kinda goin', and the closer he gets to the remote beach condo, he gets a bigger smile on his face? Yep. Seriously, it's a true story. It's Greg Collins."

what do you mean skins are "lol"? they're sorta mediocre, but that's like 4/5 of the league, no?

really missing haynesworth this year
he epitomized the "yeah, but he's OUR asshole" principle

an illustration...

"I mean, it wasn't like I was hitting Gisele or something; he's the quarterback. It was good, it was fine," Haynesworth said. "I mean, I was trying to tackle him, but I wasn't trying to hurt him. I'm not that type of a player, you know? I'm actually a big Tom Brady fan. I'm a big Patriots fan. I've always like the Patriots, I've always liked Coach Belichick. I just like the way he is."

"I hope he's all right," the tackle said. "If I had to hit him again, I would hit him again. That's my job, that's what they brought me here to do. But as far as trying to hurt somebody, I'm not trying to do that, especially that time, because I like that team. When you step back from football, I've always liked the Patriots. I don't know why. It's just something about them. I've always liked the Patriots."

official redskins blogger gets free hot sauce in the mail:

So it was a little awkward when the first bottle was of conVICKt Hot Sauce, the label of which features a cartoon bulldog urinating on a number 7. "Oh, see, that's not right," Smoot said, shaking his head. I gave an embarrassed shrug, thought about how glad I was that close-friend-of-Michael-Vick DeAngelo Hall wasn't there and moved on to the next bottle.

Which was of Category 5 Private Reserve Hot Sauce, pictured above. That's "category 5" as in "Hurricane." As in, something else that Fred Smoot has recently mentioned not finding funny. "These hot sauce people," he said, "they just don't care about anyone, do they?"

hot sauce people, they just don't care

tom cruise is at the game. maybe he's trying to convert zorn to the scientology
we're DOOMED

http://i38.tinypic.com/axirft.jpg

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2009/09/rap_wars_in_redskins_locker_ro.html

Chris Wilson: Fred Smoot aka Flying Spur has created a whole affiliation known as the Bird Gang. You know, he dropped his first album last week: Slumdog Millionaire Bird Gang: A Compilation Mix Tape Volume I.

Mike Sellers: I'm the head bodyguard.

Cartwright: You know there's a Wolfpack gang too, you know that?

Mike Sellers: See, somebody invaded our turf. That's the leader right there, number 11. You know, he's been trying to infiltrate to steal some of the Bird Men away, but it ain't happening. Too strong.

Wilson: Actually, Malcolm (Kelly) is trying to help his fellow classmen Devin Thomas, who affiliated a number of groups. (..) One that comes to mind is the Wolfpack, (or) something. (..) His fellow rookie classmen was trying to take up for him, Malcolm and Fred Davis, until a truce was made when Fred Davis did a record with Spur.

Sellers: It's like G Unit against Puff Daddy you know what I'm saying? And they're Puff Daddy. We're thugs over here.

Devin Thomas: I don't know nothing about that. That's something Smoot started, I guess. Some stupid stuff he was trying to get going around here. I don't want nothing to do with it.

Fred Smoot: Are y'all seriously taking that seriously? That ain't nothing. We just be playing with it.

Casey Rabach: Me and Ethan (Albright) are starting a gang. It's gonna be called the Bird Killers and the Wolfpack Killers.

Ethan Albright: I know nothing.

Rabach: I'll fill you in right now, just listen. We're gonna be known as the Bird Killers and the Wolfpack Killers.

Albright: I have nothing to do with this.

Rabach: This is nothing about PETA here, nothing at all about PETA. It's about Smoot, we're gonna get after Smoot. Smoot, he's fragile, you know. I mean, (heck), he broke a rib in practice, are you (hecking) me?"

Smoot: We just went in the studio and played around, couple guys off the team said we're gonna get together and play around. It turned out all right. A lot of people are talking about it. I don't know why, though.

[..]

Wilson: There's a lot of Bird Gang members. Everybody's not on the album. It's kind of like the Wu-Tang was.

Smoot: I got Suisham and Hunter Smith. You know, Hunter Smith plays instruments and everything. He's vital to Bird Gang.

Wilson: I play the piano; they didn't know I could play the piano. Just a little bit, I'm not a real pianist or nothing, I but helped make one of the beats right there, laid a little intro vocal track down, and rapping. They acted like they was surprised. You guys would be surprised.

Cartwright: I didn't record on the album. I didn't feel like driving that far to the studios. That's a little bit too far.

Wilson: Cartwright's affiliated with the Bird Gang even though he ain't appeared on any albums. Because it's more than just the music side to it. It's a movement.

i feel like there's this ongoing thing where this wash post beat writer is a little too earnest, & the guys are like oh no, now that's in the paper and it's not funny any more

rip SE jerome

are you (hecking) me?

Casey Rabach: Me and Ethan (Albright) are starting a gang. It's gonna be called the Bird Killers and the Wolfpack Killers.

Ethan Albright: I know nothing.

Rabach: I'll fill you in right now, just listen. We're gonna be known as the Bird Killers and the Wolfpack Killers.

Albright: I have nothing to do with this.

http://i37.tinypic.com/2nbyays.jpg

^^ haynesworth

WTG SNYDER, thanks for all you've done with this historic franchise

is snyder worse than al davis?

al was amazing once upon a time

hah, twitteronia: When they said that Washington was bailing out Detroit, I didn't realize that they meant football!!!

zing!!

http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2009/09/27/PH2009092703496.jpg

http://i35.tinypic.com/2m490es.jpg

LOL and also ;_;

February 11th, 2008:

http://blogs.mercurynews.com/kawakami/2008/02/11/jim-zorn-to-the-redskins-probably-the-worst-nfl-hire-of-all-time/

facebook friends status update: friend from hometown changes profile photo to image of toilet bowl with mini redskins helmet floating in it

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120474346123

I will be watching this with interest to see what they get for selling. Mine may be up for sale also.

Tough ? for JC, that CC will LOVE: why are our unemplymnt rates highest in region. JC sez depends how ya slice up, pivots to nat'l probs

twitter post from writer @ the politico, who is at a NJ governor's race debate. had a moment of too-much-time-on-ilnfl because i was trying to process this piece of information and wondering WHY ARE JASON CAMPBELL AND CHRIS COOLEY TALKING ABOUT THIS

http://i34.tinypic.com/qzi54w.jpg

tell me that was not in a newspaper

that's gotta be from the WaPo Express, which is not really a "newspaper"

^^^ this. and yes, it was in the express

fire everyone

so glad i looked at the express. . . check this shit out. guy made his own pinball machine and you can PLAY IT at a museum.

http://www.expressnightout.com/content/2009/10/william-t-wiley.php

okay back to pinball

i mean back to football

http://blog.redskins.com/2009/10/04/alex-ovechkin-was-available-for-field-goals/

http://www.blogcdn.com/blog.redskins.com/media/2009/10/ovikicks.jpg

Pretty much ESPN ran a big story in the pregame about the Redskins problems and pretty much said it started and ended with Snyder. They are probably right, but it is pretty wild to see an NFL owner get that roasted.

Love that the Post straight up called Hunter Smith the offensive MVP of the first three games in a non-editorial story.

all i can say is, it's nice to see that at least cooley and moss are playing well and i love london fletcher.

dios mio, man.

dear mr. snyder,

please hire a real football exec and get the fuck out of the way.

good grief.

jqh

http://blog.redskins.com/2009/10/06/redskins-hire-sherman-lewis-as-offensive-consultant/

football consultant, washington redskins

you know what happens when the bosses bring in a consultant

ime a 1200 sq ft addition to consultant's home with hand-selected siberian birch floors

yeah. i had this plan to be some kind of management consultant & get paid shit tons of money for reorganizing dysfunctional organizations, which would continue to be dysfunctional because i don't know what i'm doing, and just say idk why you all didn't follow my advice correctly, that's why things are still a mess around here, gotta go thanks for the $$$$$$$$$$$$ sorry you had to fire half the staff. because ime that is what happens anyway

The Colts used to be this wacky when Dad Bob Irsay ran the club from the owner's chair. Bob pretty much ran it into the ground after the classic years and then absconded with the club to Indy in the middle of the night, where it was a joke for quite a while (Frank Kush...Art Schlichter). His son Jim at least had the good notion to just get a real GM that had a football background and let them work on the team.

lede of wapo article re: lewis' arrival does not inspire confidence

No one is certain exactly what offensive consultant Sherman Lewis might bring; some aren't even sure why he was hired.

"I don't know what my role will be," said Lewis, 67, a longtime NFL coach and disciple of the West Coast offense.

BEWARE
There's a fake Hogette running around. Do not trust the man claiming to be New York's only Hogette, AKA Stephette Hogette. Here's the statement from the Hogettes:

It has come to our attention that an individual is representing himself to be a Hogette. Please be aware that 'HOGETTES' is a Registered Trademark and the Hogette likeness is COPYWRITED. He is currently in violation of both federal and state statutes. We have requested that he immediately remove any likeness of himself as a 'Hogette' from any public or private forum. Likewise, we have requested that he remove any reference to himself as a 'Hogette', representing himself as a 'Hogette' or in any manner alluding to himself as a 'Hogette' or representing the 'Hogettes'. [..]

If you feel that you have been approached by an impostor or become aware of a potential impostor, please contact us immediately at hogettes.org or hogettes.net

I'd think that the groups who want to change the name of the Redskins could have a good shot at it this year.

Good.

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/sports/Sources_-Gruden-atop-Snyder_s-wish-list-8371348-64019622.html

gruden to washington?

chuckie & jaws' monday night football school rip ;_;

Don't do it, Chuckie!

It's a trap!

Mike Wise had a good column on this yesterday, wondering why any decent coach would take the job as long as the Snyder/Cerrato relationship is in place.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/11/AR2009101102149.html

M B is way too excited about his new redskins debit card.
2 hours ago · Comment · Like

M W Wait until the card overpays for everything and whatever it buys doesn't work as well as expected or hoped.
about an hour ago

ahahaha

"He took away the First Amendment right of Redskins fans," said Jason C of Olney, who was holding a "Cerrato + Snyder = Fail" sign and wearing one of the Junkies' "Worst.Owner.Ever." shirts. "He wants to control what we say, what we wear. This is what I want my quote to say: He's a communist."

i gotta photoshop a beck style conspiracy tree or something.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/worstownerever2.jpg.bmp

"Just, you know, hurting," Fletcher said, when asked for his thoughts. "Just trying to figure out what we could have did a little bit different at the end to keep them out of the end zone, because we played so well defensively. And they really didn't deserve to win this game. I think we played well enough to (win)."

man, london fletcher. i hope he gets voted in @ pro bowl this year at least

redskins' guard williams played in his first nfl game on sunday. about the center, rabach:

"You can't really hear Casey sometimes," Williams told me. "I don't know if people've ever told you that. He gets to the line, he's like 'RRRRRRGRRRRRARRRBLAH!' You're like, 'What?!? What'd you say?' He's like, 'RRRRRRGRRRRRARRRBLAH!' (I just said) 'All right, all right, yessir.'"

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/12/01/chris-cooley-lewis-never-talks-to-campbell/

not sure whether to applaud zorn for withstanding danny's blatant attempt to make him quit or castigate him for lacking the self-respect to quit

http://i50.tinypic.com/xnt0et.jpg

17-12, what a terrible coach.

http://www.blogcdn.com/blog.redskins.com/media/2009/10/skins-playcalling-chart.jpg

sherm smith appears unaware that #47 is not jason campbell here

redskins official blogger might be the best thing about the redskins

Fred Smoot, Chris Wilson, and Devin Thomas Debate Big Wheels

"He asked me the favorite Christmas present I ever got," Smoot said. "I told him my favorite was my Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel."

Wilson was thrilled by this. "I was 'bout to say the Big Wheel!"

"Yep," Smoot said, "I'm 'bout to tell you why the Big Wheel is essential."

Devin Thomas had heard enough. "Man," he said, "not the Big Wheel. Power Wheel!"

Wilson and Smoot were appalled, Wilson nearly shouting, "No, no!" and Smoot adding "[Forget] the Power Wheel," only, you know, not actually "forget".

"Big Wheel would kill the Power Wheel!," Wilson said.

Smoot said, "This is as fast you could in the Power Wheel," and made a noise that roughly approximated an electric shaver. "Let me catch that Big Wheel going downhill!"

Wilson was shaking his head at Thomas. "Man," he said, "I'll catch that Power Wheel from the side, you be fallin' down the hill."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaun_Suisham

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hahaha

http://i765.photobucket.com/albums/xx300/djseanmicheals/image001.jpg

The Redskins have played rather well over the last month, but didn't have a win to show for it until Sunday's destruction of the Raiders.

Still, not everyone in Redskins Nation is happy.

"In every sunny day there's usually one little cloud that sits out there, and for us, it's Antwaan Randle El returning punts," Joe Theismann said Monday on his ESPN Radio show, as transcribed by DC Sports Bog.

"He averages 3.9 yards a punt return. I will say this in all humility: I could do that. Okay? As a matter of fact, I have done it. And I've done it better. I catch the football. This isn't an I thing, this is an I don't know what going on in management when it comes to putting Antwaan Randle El back returning punts.

"He dropped a second-down pass, hit him right in the hands. Muffed a punt again. You know, in a game that was close, we would all be clamoring about what Antwaan did," Theismann. (Our favorite part: "in all humility.")

Theismann really did better, once upon a time. He averaged 10.5 yards on punt returns in 1974.

"We agreed that the franchise needs someone different in this position," Cerrato said in a statement released by the Redskins this morning. "I'm thankful to Dan Snyder and other members of this ownership team for the opportunities I've been given over the years."

http://www.gifs.net/Animation11/Sports/Football/Kick.gif

Thank god. Here's hoping some kind of sanity will return to this organization.

lol, bruce allen is replacing him

florio's speculating that gruden could come on board as the next coach

washington's upcoming drafts should be hilarious

Raiders East

Actually, the more I think about it, there are a lot of similarities.

people @ skins message board wrote that cerrato was hated by most of the players, also that he chewed out zorn on the team bus on the way back from the most recent philly game. didn't go over well w/the team.

also, new guy bruce allen worked with gruden @ both raiders and bucs. chuckie to washington?! but.. sources tell SCHEF that gruden won't coach next year, and signs point to.. shanahan.

keepin it classy:

Cerrato left by taking a final dig at the coach he helped hire, saying that he has "had the pleasure of working with some great coaches such as Joe Gibbs, Greg Blache and Sherman Lewis" -- notably leaving out Zorn.

http://i47.tinypic.com/rlf0d3.jpg

;_;

dc sports bog, always a treat

"My boss told me I had to come," Broderick told me before the game. "If they wouldn't have fired this jerk, I wouldn't be here."

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/skinseaglestees4.jpg
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/skinsgiants09b5.jpg

On the satisfied side, meet Chris T******, who had written THANK YOU all over his Fire Vinny Cerrato t-shirt.

"It's a winning season," he told me. "We can lose the rest of our games, and I'd feel like we won something."

"That makes our season," agreed Wayne Champagne from a few seats away.

"The Giants aren't happy," noted John G******, who was sitting in front. "We liked Vinny. Just keep Dan Snyder in charge, that'll be good."

Wayne Champagne?

also, this. edited by me because this man can't spell

http://www.hogshaven.com/2009/12/22/1213129/a-peak-behind-the-scenes

In the Australian broadcast of last night's complete and utter debacle, there was an interesting moment that I don't believe you would have got in America. [..]

During a 2nd quarter TV timeout, we did not go to commercial, so you could just hear Jaws, Gruden and Tirico talking in the booth (thinking they weren't on air).

After a bit of back and forth and laughing with each other about how the hell they give America the impression this is still a contest or that the Skins can come back, Jaws laughing says, "You know what I think, the Skins are guaranteed to win this game, they are gonna come back." Next, Jaws and Mike have a go at Gruden for being too negative (while laughing) and just putting teams down. Gruden then replies:

"Spend ten minutes with Dan Snyder and you'd be negative all the time too," which Jaws and Mike stop chuckling and just sort of solemnly agree with, solemnly, but completely agree with I should say.

hahah

Someone in Australia needs to put that up on YouTube pronto.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/227815

Russell of 106.7 The Fan asked Devin Thomas if he could pick out one favorite bit of madness.

"Man, there're so many different events here, just from coaches to players gettin' ... " he stopped, shook his head. "Just drama. Drama city. D.C. drama city."

YEAR IN REVIEW

http://i46.tinypic.com/22jjmx.jpg
http://i49.tinypic.com/2qjiot0.jpg
http://i45.tinypic.com/r91zsn.jpg

YOUR 2009 WASHINGTON FOOTBALL REDSKINS

clinton :-(

my favorite player ever ;_;

attn: all redskins coaches esp zorn, you have one (1) more day for this offer! are you listening man?

http://i45.tinypic.com/ztzmkn.jpg

AT EASTERN MOTORS

http://i48.tinypic.com/2duxvn8.jpg

YOUR JOB'S YOUR CREDIT

http://i48.tinypic.com/2lkwak4.jpg

AT EASTERN MOTORS

http://i49.tinypic.com/359b703.jpg

YOUR JOB'S YOUR CREDIT

http://i49.tinypic.com/2ypkrgw.jpg

<3

haha

wash post's dc sports blogger has some epic posts on the zorn era
best moments of zorn

secondary coach jerry gray interviewed for zorn's job before zorn was fired, so then had to evade a ton of questions about it

There were so many massive clumps of weirdness during this Redskins season that the final bit of weirdness with Jerry Gray may soon be forgotten, but, man, has it been weird.

i guess my consolation here is, if my team is going to be 4-12, at least it's a weird 4-12. right?

Honestly don't think the Redskins are that far away from being good. But Campbell seems like a guy I would give up on at this point.

This is my favorite Sports Bog post so far - seems like it's ripped from the pages of ILNFL

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2010/01/best_of_zorn_faces.html

secretly, the sports media are reading ilnfl and stealing all the best ideas
we'll have proof of this when gruden shows up on mnf next season wearing a hatcat mask

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/zornorbs2.jpg

<3 sports bog today. re: zorn's wacky pregame speeches:

"He asked the team who's ever been whitewater rafting," Wilson remembered. "And I think only maybe two hands went up. If only two hands out of the whole team goes up, we're probably not gonna relate to the metaphor, but he goes ahead anyway with this whitewater rafting metaphor."

Only white players raised their hands, and Fred Smoot stood up and said that's why it's called whitewater rafting. But Zorn was undeterred.

comments:

Smoot is one to talk about boat stories.

Redskins interviewing Romanowski for strength coach job

http://tinyurl.com/yeg5ypr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjL-4nwnkkk

0:29

GIF IT & LOOP IT!

holy shit, michael steele!

released: Ladell Betts, Rock Cartwright, Antwaan Randle El, Randy Thomas, Cornelius Griffin and.. Fred Smoot

I saw Randle El, Griffin and Smoot on the ESPN ticker, but Betts and Cartwright too?! How many draft picks does Washington have this year?

damn, fresh start huh?

http://clintdidier.org/

"As Republicans, we need to be honest with ourselves. We had the ball for eight years. We lost yardage. It's now late in the 4th quarter, and our backs are against the goal line."

"In 2008, they fumbled the ball."

ENDORSED BY:
PALIN
RON PAUL

Mike Golic just passed the Haynesworth test on TV.

Love the depth chart:

http://www.redskins.com/gen/team/depthChart.jsp

Haynesworth: 2nd string NT
Willie Parker: 4th string RB

Portis and Johnson may have some tread on them, but Parker's not in their league.