2006 NFL Draft Thread

also, can we googleproof this thread?

Two weeks ago I got a call from a frantic britishes wondering if I was able to work [this week] at the No Fun League Draft as we followed one R3gg!3 B|_|sh for the Humm3rz company. RB will get two hummerz (for some reason he gets two) and we follow him breathlessly as he goes to Conang O'Bryang, Teh t0day sh0, and various and sundry No Fun League events and charity things. We will have UNPRECEDENTED ACCESS to RB and his transition from lowly potential gazillionaire to REAL gazillionaire. THE FOOTAGE WILL BE TURNED INTO A DAILY DIARY OF RB IN TEH NYC. I say, "of course. my rate is $-00.00 for a 10 hour day, plus overtime." Swell, the britishes says, and so [this week] finally begins with RB's arrival yesterday night.

I am happy, as we WILL go into overtime. I am happy because we get to work with a young dood who has yet to have his spirit crushed and warped by cheap groopiez and ca$h money. We will aso have access to many interesting and felliniesque experiences and places. But I am also afraid, because the schedule has is going, for, like 13-14 hrs per day for 5 days strait, which will suck the life out of you. Also because we will have to deal with multiple agents of pain, includign PR flacks, League officials and Sp0rts agentes.

The week begins last night and we are to meet our PR doodz at the Gr4nd Hy4++ in NYC and get the last rundown before go time (at 9:00 PM, when RB lands from LAX).

We (the britishes cameraman and I) are informed that things have changed. We are no longer, really... kinda... having all that much of RB. We aren't... even... really... kinda... hanging out with RB AT ALL. In fact, Adiddddass really has first dibs with him and we are, really... kinda... maybe... just providing transportation. But we'll TRY AND GET WHAT WE CAN AND IT WILL BE GOOD AND THIS STORY WILL BE DOCUMENTED AND WE WILL ALL LOOK GOOOD TO OUR PR FLACK SUPERIORSS.

I have a $24.00 Kobe burger, which... tastes like a normal burger. And has salty bacon on top doing most of the work.

So we go to JFK, where we standby with camera ready... and of course, cameras and airports don't mix, and our PR doods are confronted within the first 20 minutes with the reality of NOT HAVING PERMITS. So we kinda stand by... and kinda steal shots where we can... and OMG HERE COMES RB and he has a Magicks Johnstons jersey and mirrored shades at night and here he comes with his agent and they get into the hummers and offf we go and... we have, like 182 seconds of footage of RB! HOLY SHIT THIS IS GOING SO WELL. SHIT LET'S US GO TO TEH \/\/ HOTEL IN MAINHATTAN AND GET HIM GETTING OUT OF HIS HUMMERS.

:(

We do so, and in the end, we have over 300 seconds of RB footage and we have to stop at that point because he goes into his hotel and WE ARE NOT ALLOW IN TEH HOTELS.

coming soon:

PART TWO

When last we left our hero it was 10:30 PM in NYC and he had just shot RBfor 300 seconds when a call comes over the line...

"What? Yes. 6 AM? Really. Ooooookkkkkaaaaayyyyyy fine.

"OK, guys, it looks like we have to meet at teh Gr4nd Hya++ at 6 AM."

Us: :(

So by the time the cameramang and I get back to Brooklyn (we live astonishingly close to each other) it is 11:00 PM and we have to be AT MIDTOWN MANHATTANG AT 6 AM. YOU DO TEH MATH. I open a bottle of too-sweet wine and pass out... only to awake at 4 AM, shower, dresss and go to work. We arrive at teh Gr4nd Hya++ at 6 AM, get into OUR hummerz and proceed to DRIVE TO 14TH ST. WE COULD HAVE MET AT 14TH ST. WHY DID WE GO TO 47TH ST?

Anyway, it is REALLY cold out in the morning for whatever the reason, and we are waiting breathlessly for RB to exit the Hotel we are not allowed into to escort him into his hummerz and shepherd him to teh Early Sh0w, Teh SH0w No One Watches. As we wait, the Addddidddassss PR Flacks arrive. They are DAPPER and WELL DRESSED, and they inform us that, yeah, basically, thanks for providing him with a hummerz to ride in, but, y'know... just try and stay out of the way today. No, we couldn't get you into any of teh events going on today. No, we couldn't get you into C0nang, or teh Early Sh0w, or teh No Fun League sponsored dinner... but we'll try and fit your FIVE MINUTES OF INTERVIEW TIME IN WHEN WE CAN.

Oh shit! Here comes RB! THERE HE GOES NTO HIS HUMEMRZ SHOOT THAT SHOOT THAT! Ooooh good. Got it. 45 more seconds of RB to cram into whatever it is that this is going to be used for.

And we drive up to CB5 builting for teh E4rly sh0w. Did I mention it was cold? Can we shoot here, at teh E4rly Sh0w? No, actuallly. We don't have permissions from Hummerz or CB5 to shoot the set or teh signage or any of teh ppls or on-air talent... so just, like shoot some stuff... and try not to show faces. Right. A screaming crowd of Iowa school students... don't shoot their faces. On it.

Did I mention it was cold?

Now, I should mention that the order to "just shoot some stuff no faces" isn't as makework as it sounds, there's only so much you can do tho.

WE LOST THREE HOURS OF SLEEP TO BASICALLY NOT SHOOT TEH E4RLY SH0W and get 45 seconds of RB.

We're going to get some clips from teh show itself to fill out OUR show, right?

NO.

:(

So we shoot RB leaving teh E4rly Sh0w and follow as he travels downtown to teh Addddiddddaaassss store on B'way and H0uston for as press conference announcing RB's new multi-million endorsement with said clothing line.

COMING SOON: PART III

:(

:(

%(

;_;

:(

also, i predict a little of this:

　　　　 ＼＼＼
　　　(⌒＼　　∧＿∧
　　　 ＼ ヽヽ（　´_ゝ`）
　　　　 (mJ　　 　 ⌒＼
　　　　　 ﾉ　∩兄　/ ／
　　　　　（　 | .|∧＿∧ＯＫＯＫ。
　 ／＼丿　|　（　　　 ）
　(___へ＿ノ ゝ＿＿ノ

We are at the E4rly Sh0w where MULTIPLE banners proclaim:

The E4rly Sh0w Welcome's [sic] Regg!e Bu5h!

WELCOME'S.

HOW OLD ARE WE NOW?

PART III

We are at addiddddaaasss early. V.v. early because we were uptown and honest to god it's still so early most restaurats aren't even opened yet and so we sit on our collective ass for an hour and a half while RB gets about $700.00 in free stuff just coz, y'know... that's teh stufff he liked. And that's fine. When you sign a 1M+ deal with a company you get shit for free; this is just how life works. So we are there with the press conference and the cameramang ddecided to sit up in the front row, which is fine because it is a small camera, and there are like, only 19 media ppl there because it is 10 AM now and so I strap the mic on the front of the camera because there's no way I'm taking audio off the mult-box and string 20 ft of cable and have someone trip. So I sit on my ass and the press conference begins. The adddidddasss int'l market boss or whatever comes up and he is a Bro with a capital B. Total power of persuasive ppl type who is very enthusiastiv about the new underarmor-type stuff they are coming out with and are very pleased to have...

drumroll

...RB!

*cue clip of highlights from U5C days edited to Bombs over Bahgdad*

Cuet.

RB stands about awkwardly while this clip plays. I would too because while this is going on, there are THREE JACKED MEN IN THE NEW UNDERARMOR-TYPE STUFF ON EXERCISE BALLS DOING VARIOUS EXERCISES LIKE SEATED CURLS, INCLINED PUSHUPS, SITUPS AND THE LIKE. ALL THIS SHOW FOR 19 PPL.

"We would like to open the floor to any questions..."

"..."

And then ppl one by one do the 'if I don't ask a question I have to go back to class' thing and lob four or five softballs ad RB and Ultimate Bro. Ppl are satisfied. We exit. We break for lunch because it is now 11 AM and we are FUCKING HUNGRY. We go our separate ways for an hour and a half.

*lunch break consists of noodles on 6th ave.*

...AND WE'RE BACK. Now, the Hummerz PR dudes are trying to get a sitdown interview with RB for like, 5 MINUTES so lob him softballs about his new hummarz endorsements because, like he's getting 2 hummarz and probably some MONEY. And the adddddiiidasssss guys are like, soorry dudebros we have to get him to M+\/ and TRL. So we drive to times square. And the same drill happens; we get footage of RB getting out of his car; we wait; we shoot him getting into his car.the off to Conang.

We hit overtime on the way.

:)

We drive to |\|BC. RB is out of the car. After a frenches askes me:

"So sodddy ve r from franse, ve do nut undarrstand who eet is?"

"American football dudes."

"Que?"

"American Futbol"

"Ah! Wee!"

And so we go and stand in front of Christ!e's auction house while they tape Conang. And time passes and how long are we suppoused to wait here?

"Two hours"

:(

"Have they figured out a time to interview RB today?"

"Yes! After conang"

:)

"Oh wait."

:|

"Yes? OK. I see. After Conang? Alright."

:/

"Yeah... um... RB has to go to some dealyboppper on 34th st."

:\

"We might get to interview him at 7PM, but he has to to to a CampbeII5 Chunky S0up sponsor dinner-thing so we might not be able to."

:(

Well... I'm basically company property until they say quit, and I'm into overtime so could care less what happens at this point and so...

"Let's go back to teh \/\/ Hotel and wait and see what happens."

And we go back to teh hotel, and we hav a drink at teh hotel bar and watch the vdo online of what we did the night before; it had already been edited, you see. It is about 30-45 seconds long. It's on teh hummarz website now if you want to go see. And we wait... and wait... and wait... and finally, around 7 PM we get the word:

"Yeah go home, he's not going to make it."

And we do with food and drink on teh company dime in our gut and 4 hrs of OT clocked up and I am back in brooklyn and off to sleep. We are to meet on Thursday at 12 PM....

:)

...at teh hotel rivington for what is to be billed as a b-roll day -- we will hire a driver and a car and drive about in a gay fashion thru new york taking in the shights and compiling b-roll to pad out teh shit we've been shooting so fars.

Of note: RB is not 6' tall. He might be 200 lbs, but he is not 6' tall.

As availible: PART IV

At least you raking in the mad dollar, son, because otherwise this shit would be infuriating.

So it's thursday; I wake up at 9 AM after passing out at 10PM the night before, go to pick up my new rubber stamp for labeling prints to send to Allys m.i.l. [huggles, etc] and make way to R!vington H0tel at 12 PM to pic up producerman and the rented car and driver to do b-roll of city and bridges and landmarks and shit but, as ever, we HAVE to be at teh \/\/ H0tel to meet RB AT 3PM to do his interview portion of teh spot for G/\/\ and hummarz.

Q: WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT DRIVING IN CITIES?

A: IT TAKES 3 HOURS TO GET ANYWHERE AND BACK.

So at any given point we are watching teh clock to make sure we are back at \/\/ at 2:30 PM to setup IN AN HUMMARZ to shoot RB. And we basically make it down around Batt Park City, across the Br00klyn Bridge twice and up to Central Park and back.

BFD

We basically get nothing because there are delivery trucks everywhere and while we might be in an SUV, we're not going to be able to see over any sort of cube truck or whatever.

So we get back to \/\/ at 2:30 on time, setup and standby for RB.

I go to the producerman and say,

"dudebro, camera and I can be up in 3 minutes to have questions ready to fill MORE than the 5 minutes we have -- we will get you more than 5 miutes by being early."

"OK."

So RB comes down; i mic him up in the lobby of teh h0tel and get him into the hummarz.

He is asked 4 questions. He is out in 3 minutes. This is the extent of my acual engagement with RB in three days of work. I was thinking to myself;

'dudebro, I TOLD you to have, like, 10 questions ready; I TOLD you we were going to get more than 5 minutes and be ready. Right now you have a whole lot of RB getting in and out of your car and NOT A LOT OF ANYTHING ELSE THAT ANYONE ELSE WOULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT.'

But I did not say this, of course, being the good professional. And so RB takes his mic off and goes on his way, and we gather to pow-wow about what to do next.

"Take a lunch break, guys and come back in an hour or so and we'll know more"

This is par for the course at this point, so I go have a turkey sandwich and come back and sit aaround in teh \/\/ Lounge for a bit and have a beer and then woops! look at that he's going somewhere we can't go and

NOW IS THE TIME THAT WE DECIDE WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF RB GOING IN AND OUT OF UNLABELED BUILDINGS AND WE ARE DONE FOR THE DAY AFTER 5 HOURS.

Sweet.

I go home; I watch the Yanquis game and Hockeys games and go to sleep because...

WE HAVE TO BE AT TEH \/\/ H0TEL AT 6 AM ON FRIDAY TO SHOOT RB ON TEH WAY TO TEH T0DAY SHOW.

DIDN'T WE DECIDE WE'D HAD ENOUGH OF HIM GOING IN AND OUT OF UNNAMED BUILDINGS?

I HAVE TO GO TO TEH POST OFFICE; SOON:

PART V: TEH REVENGE OF TEH NO FUN LEAGUE

Subtitled: Why I am posting to ILF on a work day at 1:30 in the afternoon

So the cameramang and I arrive at 6 AM and prep to shoot RB getting into a car and driving off to Teh T0day Sh0w. And we wait. And we go get coffee. And we wait. And we go get another cup of coffee. And we talk to teh driver, M, who is very nice and a good sport in all of this and a marine reserve and he says that RB was out until 3:30-4:30 AM and came back to \/\/ with multiple ------- and... you know what went on from there. We might have our T0day Sh0w cancelled.

And we wait.

And a big bus comes.

And we wait.

And the other media arrive.

And we wait.

And our producermang isn't even HERE yet.

And we wait.

And teh coordinator for hummarz finds out that RB is actually with the No Fun League all day today and that we really won'e have any time with him at all which is a bummeer because

(wait for it)

WE NEED TO GET MORE TIME WITH HIM BECAUSE WE NEED TO RECORD A VOICEMAIL MESSAGE TO BE SENT TO ALL TEH HUMMARZ DEALERSHIPS AROUND TEH COUNTRY AND WE NEED HIM TO SAY V V SPECIFICALLY THAT HUMMARZ ARE TEH CARZ HE ALWAYS WANTED AND THANKS FOR BEING HAPPY BEST NO1 CAR USA JOHN WAYNE JOE DIMAGGIO ETC.

:[

Cameramang and I: SHOULDN'T WE HAVE DONE THIS YESTERDAY?!!111???

So now we are working with RB's people to try and find out when we can get him today. But teh question remains:

WHAT DO CAMERAMANG AND I DO IN THE MEANTIME?????

We shoot more b-roll in cars and in city. I am bored off my ass (and on the clock) because we have the camera mic on and there's nothing for me to do.

Meanwhile we finally get a hold of teh producer mang and find that he slept in. Not only that, the tapes from the day before... y'know the ones with teh very important RB ingerview on it? Yeah, that was never delivered last night to teh editors and the editors are now wondering WHERE TEH FUCK THEY ARE.

:O

One of the great convenants in TV is the moment where the tape is given from the cameraman to the producer. This even happened at approx. 5:15 PM yesterday. I was there. I watched it happen. Therefore NONE of this is our fault. Meanwhile, we standby.

And we drive to the late-night party location where we will be shooting RB and his peers as they drink and etc. and will not have any private time with him, and he really doesn't know who we are anyway, just that we've been following him from a great distance daily.

And we go get breakfast.

And we come back to the late night location. and ask the question we've been too polite to ask thus far:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?

And they answer, well... nothing until 5:30 when we need to be back at \/\/ to record RB's schilling for hummarz.

OK. We're doing this in the car again?

No, we can't get him in the car again. It will have to be in the \/\/ lounge.

:O It will sound like shit.

Well... we'll have to make do.

:O So what do I do then?

Well... I guess you're released until 5:30 PM.

:o No shit. I don't have to be back until I'm an hour into overtime?

Yes.

:D

So I came back to br00klyn, posted Part IV, went to Fed Ex, and posted this.

It is now 1:39 PM. I don't know what to do with myself.

Also, I might have to be back at 5:30 PM for an interview that STILL MIGHT NOT HAPPEN, but the late-night party doesn't start until 10 PM. If I was at work at 6 AM, and I get 1.5x my rate after 10 hrs... you do the math.

COMING SOON: THE PARTY, AFTERMATH, AND DRAFT DAY.

http://photo-origin.tickle.com/image/96/2/0/O/96208280O968317242.jpg

STAY TUNED FOR THE PARTY, AFTERMATH, AND DRAFT DAY.

"I suspect Williams is potentially stellar. In time, he could be Pro Bowl caliber player. And the Texans' reasoning (I assume) is that (a) you build a team around defense and pass rushing; (b) they already have a decent running back; (c) Bush might be hyper-expensive; and (d) Reggie's parents appear to be living in a free house, which seems a tad sketchy. This is all fine and reasonable. The only problem is that Gary Kubiak has failed to weigh these points against the opposing argument, which is that REGGIE BUSH IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TACKLE. HE IS WAY, WAY BETTER THAN ALL OF THE OTHER DUDES WHO ARE ELIGIBLE TO BE DRAFTED. WHEN REGGIE BUSH IS RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL, THOSE ATTEMPTING TO KNOCK HIM TO THE GROUND CANNOT SEEM TO DO SO. THIS QUALITY IS ADVANTAGEOUS WITHIN THE GAME OF FOOTBALL, AS THAT IS PRETTY MUCH THE TOTALITY OF THE SPORT."

The Texans pick will turn around if the guy turns out to be the next LT (the first one) or Javon Kearse, still they should ask the Bengals front office about 'can't miss' pass rushers. I think Cinci are still paying Big Daddy Wilkenson, who has had a long career but has never been great.

So does the Saints now deal Deuce McAllister? I'm sure they would be some interested teams.

anyway, i can't believe the falcons picked up jimmy williams. that is pretty dope imo.

also, giants = nuts or just boring?

houston = weirdest decision announced this week by a private organization other than Nintendo.

as for Mr. Bush, I should hope a young man as introspective as he seems to be has already realized that no team he's on will ever get him a ring unless he takes a pay cut to play for a winner. NO's seasons will continue to end at the regular scheduled time.

I can't believe there are still people who talk about football as if it's 1985 and smashmouth offense wins championships. Ball control, pressuring the passer and kicking win championships. Ask Shawn Alexander, the greatest running back in the league.

"I can't believe there are still people who talk about football as if it's 1985 and smashmouth offense wins championships. Ball control, pressuring the passer and kicking win championships. Ask Shawn Alexander, the greatest running back in the league."

if this is the case, shouldn't you be big upping the texans for picking up a great pass rusher?

(number of college games i watched last year = 3)

But the extra pick thing seems like a no brainer.

Then again, the Chargers threw their 6th round pick away for no fucking reason so maybe the picks don't matter as much as you might think.

I thought that worked out pretty well, considering we got Shawn Merriman and Nate Kaeding out of the deal. Eli Manning sux0rs and Drew Brees is playing for the wrong team. :(

What is this Ryan Leaf debacle you speak of, that name doesn't ring a bell la la not listening la la.

Yes, but not due to a lack of production from the quarterback position. San Diego arguably had the toughest schedule in the NFL last year. They didn't get it done, but if you're placing blame for that, it's easily the fault of (1) the secondary or (2) Marty.

That said, would I rather have Manning, Rivers, or Big Ben? At this point, I'd rather have Manning. But I'd rather have Brees than any of them. :/

Totally agree about the uniforms, though.

I think 23 Ohio State Buckeyes were drafted in the first round. None went to the Browns who got somebody from Florida State. My bitter rival, the Steelers drafted San Antonio Holmes which was a good move :-(

ally 100%otm; if people on message boards can figure this out, why not GMs?

we fired our "draft guru" fran foley two days after the draft! promising!

yep..."theoretically"....ug...maybe this explains taking ryan cook.

lol

With their first round pick, my Chargers picked a guy who has started like one game in his entire collegiate career.

-- polyphonic (polyphonic), Sunday, 30 April 2006 16:33 (2 years ago) Link

This turned out pretty okay.