Cape of Good Hope Blue Sky Session

Blokes, we're losing posters in the 18-35 market and we gotta turn that around double time before advertisers walk off. We need some new exciting promotions to keep a better mix of posters throughout the workday. I got ideas, mate, like how about a thread about Tuomas? Surveys suggest that Tuomas is big in the 18-35 female demographic and that's a demographic we need. How about some fresh ideas like an ILXors on Parade thread? We've always had great cut-through with that in the all important 18-25 male market and I'm thinking that we can get some deoderant brand involved in that one. How about comedy socks? Mate, they love comedy socks, especially when they're racist socks that talks about Paul McCartney. These are all great ideas, you blokes all should be glad you have me as your Cape of Good Hope CEO/marketing consultant/sizzle merchant.

Blokes, I have a great idea for a board promotion and that is we find a food that Americans like and start a thread about that but one that has relatability to the British and Australian markets. Remember that word, "relatability". And "sizzle". But mate if we can relate to the audience with cut through and dangle then we should see our hits rocket skywards and we'll find ourselves with a better demo in Reg, Tas and Nash. I want to see better posting variety throughout the workday. Socks, what about your socks? I like your sock idea, go with that. Mate, what about Luelinks passwords? Give away a few Luelinks passwords, everyone loves Luelinks passwords. That's the bait. Luelinks passwords are our bait. And we hook them with our better posting variety. Get that drummed into your headspace. Luelinks passwords, better posting variety.

Where are the gags, mate? I dunno mate, I'm not hearing any gags.

Mate, gags? Mate there haven't been any good gag-based boards since Something Awful. Mate, what the demos wants is shock-based forums. Like 4chan, mate, there's an example. We need to be like those 4chan but with a unique spin. One that'll make cold hard cash. Those blokes have some good ideas but mate they can't use those good ideas for business and demos.

That Matt Tilley's done alright with his Troll Calls, is there any way we can monetize zings?

Mate how about a thread about when you call up your bank (everyone in our demo has a mortgage in a outer suburb - relatability up the gooner there), you get an Indian bloke who can't speak English! Not to forget that they are dumb. And taking over our Universities. And are we going down that curry joint for lunch or what mate?

boys boys boys sorry i'm late, powdering my nose a bit if yerknoworrimean!! can we get somehting with midgets in it going, current data says that our demographic loves midgets.

Mate, have you seen the fucking figures? This wanky shit isn't bringing in the demos. This board is a sub-Noize board that was last cab off the rank, another fucking debacle! Mate, we need to tap into the DNA of ILX and I think that is cute pets. A whole board dedicated to cute pets, pet care, pet picture threads. Can you imagine the cut through there? I see better posting variety in a defined genre and I haven't felt this way since I snorted a line in the toilets at The Ivy last night.

MONKEY TENNIS

Mate, you know what the problem is? Those pommie posters. We're not getting good cut through in the North American market. Mate, you might pick up some anglophile Doctor Who nerds who convinced themselves that The XX were the shit last year, all that soccer shit is just alienating our biggest market. Get rid of that Noodle Vague bloke, we need to hear some American voices. I'm hearing a better American cut through with stories about Whole Foods and Trader Joe's supermarkets, right up that lower middle class white person's alley that we're gunning for.

Mate, I'm as American as Soccerball and Chocolate Tuna Pizza

Who's this Justin Beiber, mate, and how can he get me that 13-17 female demo?

Mate, whose fucken idea was it to bring back the Autumn Almanac character? Blokes, I thought we were going for relatability not this wanky Melbourne crap. We need more cut through our main demos with to maximise hits with key demos throughout the workday. Mate, pull this shit off the board or you're all fucken going to Mess+Noise!