Or 'I'm so fucking ashamed to be Australian right now'
So we're all on the same page:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogzjfJtg3TA
0.03 - Kangaroo appears. Looks far less convincing than http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0257568/
0.07 - Kangaroo puts the World Cup in its pouch. Going to have to assume it's a female 'roo then
0.21 - The leader of our country demonstrates she's completely unable to pronounce difficult words like "Yes"
0.30 - I'm voting Liberal next election. Say what you will about Howard, he'd never appear in something like this, would he?
0.31 - Apple product placement
0.37 - Got any blacker?
0.42 - Skateboarding for some reason
0.45 - Ian Thorpe as a lifesaver. Pretty sure he only swims in pools. Also a missed opportunity not to be more Australian and get Billy Thorpe
0.47 - Non-white people spotted. Not Maroubra then
For a long time nothing of interest happens. People act as you'd expect they would when confronted with a poorly animated CGI antropomorphic kangaroo; by taking lots of pictures on their phone
1.39 - Wasn't a bit of Mad Max shot here? for srs, the bit where Mel plays chicken with the Nightrider
1.48 - Cathy Freeman appears to be jogging all 14,000+ kilometres of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highway_1_%28Australia%29
1.53 - The kangaroo is unable to keep up with her. To be fair, it did just surf all the way from Switzerland
2.00 - Tourists should get used to the sight of roadkill on country roads
2.17 - Kangaroos often portray lemming-like tendencies
2.22 - Underwater levels from Donkey Kong Country
2.38 - Not content with having stolen the real World Cup, the 'roo pursues a bunch of fish that look a bit like the World Cup. I think this is a problem that should be sorted out with a psychologist
3.00 - Sydney is full of wankers
3.05 - Blue shirted wankers
3.09 - Everything in Australia is really fucking close to everything else! The coast, the outback, Sydney, Melbourne, really this country is the size of Lichtenstein!
3.12 - We have a stadium! It's big!
3.15 - Obviously all actors - no one's wearing black
3.23 - It's illegal to ride motorcycles on that part of Swanston street
3.26 - Realistic portayal of Melbourne CBD populace. Everyone is asian or a blonde lady.
3.28 - Red and green lights traffic lights do not occupy the same position. Also it's the World Cup for some reason
3.33 - Jaywalking. Surprised the police didn't pick that up, considering while this was happening http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/1073638/gunman-on-the-loose-in-melbourne some 200 people got fined for it. Priorities
3.38 - Melbourne: Australia's Capital of Shit Public Art
3.40 - Man riding a bike share bicycle without a helmet. Illegal - http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/helmet-law-hurting-shared-bike-scheme-20101128-18cf2.html
3.42 - Motorcycling on the footpath! If tourists do everything in this video there's going to be some serious fucking jailtime
3.47 - I can tell this is the Docklands because it's completely fucking deserted. That and the terrible architecture
3.52 - aaaand a quick cut to somewhere about two and half thousand kilometres away
4.00 - WHITE PEOPLE AND BLACK PEOPLE AND MUSLIM PEOPLE AND ASIAN PEOPLE ALL PLAYING SOCCER. IN THE OUTBACK. IN FRONT OF AYERS ROCK.
4.03 - And they seem to have all got there in the one ute. Must be a Ford
4.10 - Poor Asian guy can't see the ball
4.12 - Possibly because too much hair product got in his eyes while he was cosplaying as a Dragonball Z character
4.28 - Everyone celebrates theft. Nation of convicts indeed
4.45 - Is that stadium in Sydney? It can't be the NEW PURPOSE BUILT SOCCER STADIUM IN MELBOURNE BECAUSE THAT'S TOO FUCKING SMALL FOR FIFA REGULATIONS http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/melbournes-new-rectangular-stadium-is-too-small-to-host-world-cup-matches/story-e6frf4l3-1225771447567
5.00 - One guy on a motorbike. Another poor half-time show. Still better than Angry Anderson with the Batmobile
5.04 - Australia loses World Cup. Again
5.10 - Lonely 'roo, thinking baout things
5.27 - AND IT'S PAUL HOGAN. Was Mel Gibson unavailable?
5.33 - Obviously the ATO gave him the option: Go to jail, or do this. Shoulda chosen prison
5.37 - Where did he keep the hat while motorcycling around the entire country?
5.45 - Some more didge. Fin
6.00 - Def. voting Libs
Verdict: I'd rather people associate Australia with Ivan Milat than this video. Still better than the movie Australia though.
― The Jolly Roget's Thesaurus (S-), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:01 (fourteen years ago)