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Long Distance Relationships?!?! What the fuck?!

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personX: ha ha and i found out my best friend kissed her illicit crush!
clobberthesaurus: Woo hoo!
personX: she is in [a place], her boyfriend is in [another place], and she snogged her coworker who may have a girlf
clobberthesaurus: Hahaha that's totally illicit!
personX: yeah
personX: and as i tell her 'well my advice is do him, but don't listen to me, i am trying to get as many boyf as possible'
clobberthesaurus: Why is her bf in [another place] though?
personX: but she want sto hear me say 'do him' so
personX: that is where she is from, but she moved to [a place] [a long time in my terms] ago
clobberthesaurus: Why do people have long distance relationships?
clobberthesaurus: I don't get it
personX: ha ha lets start a thread about it!
clobberthesaurus: I mean unless the ONE person is moving in like two months or something!?!?!
clobberthesaurus: I mean just break up and then get back on later if you both want to
personX: i think its a bit odd, myself

Seriously, I can see perpetuating an exclusive relationship if one person has moved for some reason and the other person is finishing some loose ends and will be along in a month or two, but what's the deal with people living miles and miles apart and not seeing each other for years at a time and maintaining COMPLETE fidelity to one another?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:23 (twenty-two years ago)

love?

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

*snort*

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha yeah that's why people are together to begin with I assume, but I just don't quite understand why anyone would demand complete fidelity from someone who was hundreds of miles away from them. If you love someone and believe they love you, can't you also trust each other to casually mess about with other people and not fall out of love with one another?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:33 (twenty-two years ago)

wow.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:34 (twenty-two years ago)

If you loved someone wouldn't you, generally, not want to live a million miles from one another? I mean I can see some unusual circumstance cropping up that will prove this wrong, but in general how much can you love someone if you're willing to not see them for ages at a time?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:35 (twenty-two years ago)

bang goes the sound of the head of the nail being struck

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I could be wrong!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never seen one work. Never.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I have, they're getting married this summer.
I should call them.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

wow, just when i was starting to get back into wanting to check out ilx, here comes this thread, filled with 'what's up with that?' last-comedian-of-the-night shallowness.

love is work. and sometimes, circumstances add to that work. but if the people who are working through those circumstances are satisfied with their situation, who are you to judge? seriously. especially if you don't know the entirety of the circumstances. what if the people involved spent more time together than other couples who lived half the distance from one another? a quarter? it just seems like there are way too many assumptions being made here.

i have been in a long distance relationship (2 hours each way) for almost a year now -- i was living in the same city as my boyfriend for the first year we were together, then i got a job in new york after a spell of unemployment. at the same time, he got a free ride to grad school. he's done in march, and he's planning on moving to new york when he graduates. his weeknights are filled up with class and homework, and i work nights now. so we see each other every weekend (yes, *every* weekend -- he just left my apartment actually) and yeah, it's been hard, especially during the rougher patches both of us have endured since last may. but has it been worth it? i'd say yes, without reservations.

― maura (maura), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

millar did you ever think that maybe it's you?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 01:59 (twenty-two years ago)

No.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:03 (twenty-two years ago)

you should start.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:03 (twenty-two years ago)

as should the rest of you. i know it's hard to think that your amazing inability to see how it could work out for these people and why they would be willing to sacrifice and work so much to achieve such a thing is down to the fact that they might be more committed and able to experience human emotions, but hey, give it a go.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:05 (twenty-two years ago)

the scary thing is if they DO work, sometimes its hard to live in the same town again afterwards.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:05 (twenty-two years ago)

What the fuck, Jess. I'm sorry none of the people I know who have been in LD relationships are good enough for your gold standard. I suppose all of the people I know are just like me and us other shallow horndog bastards, completely incapable of actual human emotion or whatever you kids are calling it nowadays. I'll make it a priority to prove how great a person I am by putting myself through a couple of years of miserable phone calls and infrequent physical contact, okay? Is that good enough for you Mr. Harvell? Can I be in the club?

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Look I wasn't asking this question to be a dick (although I will admit that the "What the fuck" was a little over the top). I was seriously asking why, given the complete uncertainty inherent in any relationship and the extreme distances involved and the fact that the PEOPLE are NOT seeing one another for months if NOT years at a time, is a such a great emphasis placed on fidelity in so many long LONG long distance relationships? This isn't a personal attack on anyone (from me anyway).

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:20 (twenty-two years ago)

god, again with the assumptions. why do the phone calls have to be 'miserable'?

― maura (maura), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:20 (twenty-two years ago)

no, you can't tmillar.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:21 (twenty-two years ago)

alex typing in all CAPS doesnt get your POINT any FURTHER

tom, i like you, but a lot of people on this board have a real problem determining where their brain ends the rest of the world begins

or, what maura said

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:23 (twenty-two years ago)

they can be 'expensive' too (now I'm just being an ass)

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:23 (twenty-two years ago)

not if you get a 'cell phone' with 'free long distance'

welcome to the 21st century!!

― maura (maura), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha it's called a question, Jess What you've been attempting to make over your last three posts are points.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:26 (twenty-two years ago)

haha very clever haha

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:28 (twenty-two years ago)

(DESPITE what you may THINK your "QUESTION" had a "POINT" or "SLANT" behind it which is EVIDENT just by READING it)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I found long distance relationships really difficult. Although I loved the party of the other part enough to try this 2x over. I have to say that fidelity never seemed to be the issue, instead it was things that may well have been problems if we were living in the same town. Although probably the way that seeing each other was expensive and timeconsuming didn't help. I really envy you Maura: it sounds like you have a much better set up than we did, so it will work out for you.

― isadora (isadora), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i didn't work for me because (a) i felt worse when they were away than I did being long-term single, making the whole thing seem utterly pointless and (b) i start skirtchasing within days of them being away (being the total bastard that I am)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

you didn't work for you.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:37 (twenty-two years ago)

If you love someone and believe they love you, can't you also trust each other to casually mess about with other people and not fall out of love with one another?

I can imagine that this exists, but, speaking for myself, I have an easier time imagining a relationship in which the participants have no interest in casually messing about with other people even when separated.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, well I won't deny my personal slant, Jess. Anyway sorry to anyone I may have offended. I phrase my questions a little better next time.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, I wasn't knocking on it, I was genuinely curious as to how much love you can feel for someone you never actually see. 2hr long distance is different from cross country long distance, too. I mean if someone wants to go for it then that's great, I mean I've done it for various reasons and like I said there are circumstances that make each relationship different but in general I am confused by the idea of quite willingly living totally apart from a person you love - obv. there are circumstances that prevent people from just up and moving but I've seen a couple times now where one person moves to be with their big true love and ends up being all pissed off because they didn't really love the person as much as they thought, and they didn't want to move, so it's a concept that worries me a little in terms of what's happened to people I know.

That's all, my response to the question wasn't meant to be dicky, honestly.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:39 (twenty-two years ago)

you didn't work for you.

so dreadfully selfish of me to not stay in a situation that was making me unhappy

(the skirtchasing was more of a red herring than a reason)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean I lived two hours' distance away from someone who I only got to see on the weekends and we lived in the same city.

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:40 (twenty-two years ago)

felicity = otm. but keeping the faith, as it were, can also be based upon denial or the need for safety, i would think.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

is a need for safety in one's life such a bad thing though? obv not when it's a sort of banal, routinized "safety" of being with someone you dont want to be with. but since when did "safety" in a relationship become so devalued in our XXXtreme world?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I was being funny, esoj, and something else, too.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:48 (twenty-two years ago)

it seems to me on this thread there is a lot of "it wouldnt work for me, so it wont work for anyone"

i am hopeleslly naive and romantic maybe, but i dont see the problem with them, i guess i am low maintenance though (and can quite happily bumble along with my postcards and bus stations and whatever in the between times). maybe it is how you view relationships in general, if you are of the view that another will be along soon if your current one fails you would not take the risk of LD or anything that took a bit more than usual. if you think that special people come along pretty rarely, then you might want to throw caution to the wind and risk it.

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:49 (twenty-two years ago)

something else?

heck i don't really take myself that seriously so no worries

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:49 (twenty-two years ago)

jess - no, not a bad thing at all. i was saying there can be gray area between the good safety and the "routinized" one, i.e. where you're dishonest with yourself about how much you want to be with someone.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:51 (twenty-two years ago)

i find safety to be a real passion dampener

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:52 (twenty-two years ago)

No, Gareth you are right, I did that once before too. I am expressing my point of view very badly on this thread. My main concern isn't judging people or that it can't work for them, it's just the question of why are they doing it and what are they doing to change the situation, if anything, and if they aren't doing anything to change it, does that say something?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:52 (twenty-two years ago)

How are you defining safety, Jess?

Being in a relationship solely because you are scared of not being in a relationship?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:52 (twenty-two years ago)

i guess i'm just not as wacky, live-on-the-edge gen'xer as you are alex!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahahaha what are you talking about?!?!?!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:56 (twenty-two years ago)

alex if you can't see the barely disguised contempt in your last post, i dunno what to do with you anymore.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:57 (twenty-two years ago)

actually i was kinda thinking the same thing as Alex

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

well not "the same" but it was a component thereof

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

alex it's the fact that, like millar's defn of the 'phone call', your defn of 'safety' immediately shifts to the pejorative. even if you try to play the "i was just curious, guys, really" card, it's obvious from your tone that you really are dismissive of the whole concept. i mean, it strikes me as little more than silly, teenage "no one will ever tell me how to run my life, maaaaan" posturing.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay set aside my tone and my second question: what do mean by safety, Jess?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

There are so many different contexts for an LDR that I'm not even sure I can generalize about the ones I've witnessed -- there's the "we're both going to college/grad school in different places, but we're remaining a couple" ones, the "we met on the internet and live far away from one another" ones, the "my job transferred me but you aren't able to move yet" ones ...

I've seen the last sort work fine, but I've always seen it in couples who have been together for a long time (and in one case, a couple who has been married 30 years, has adult children, etc.) The first two kinds haven't been as successful, but there are a lot of factors there that have nothing to do with distance.

My own experience --

I'm currently waiting to find out if I've been accepted at the school my girlfriend plans to go to, and we haven't discussed what we'll do if I'm not. We're pretty serious, so I'm not worried about the problem I've most frequently seen in similar situations: a relationship becoming/seeming more serious because it has to be in order to continue. If I'd only just met my gf a month ago, I'd be feeling the same way I was when I met her last year -- "this chick is amazing, there's real potential here" -- but I don't know if I would've followed up on it, knowing we'd both be moving this summer. As it is, we're in that period where things are great, but we haven't yet had a big fight, which to me is a good test of a relationship's strength: how you handle your fights.

Anyway, if I weren't able to join her, I'd end up at my backup school -- about a 15 hour drive, or too-expensive-to-be-frequent plane trip, away. I really hate the idea of that; I hate even more the idea of breaking up with her simply for that reason; so we'll see what she thinks, if it comes to that. Moving with her without going to school would be possible, but .. risky. She's a broke graduate student. I'm a broke quasi-graduate student who uses school as an excuse to write full-time for a part-time wage. Each of us has another few years before we'll be doing our thing for a living, and getting a job to pay the bills (and my student loans) would give me less time to write, meaning more stress and less money from that source.

So if I don't get in, the relationship is going to be more stressed regardless of whether or not it's long-distance.

... this turned into a longish ramble which isn't entirely helpful. Ah well.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)

what i mean by safety is the sense that you can live/work/eat/fuck/read/buy a car/play nintendo with this person and know that they're not gonna come in one day and completely fuck up your shit somehow, emotionally!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Some dude: Whoa, so your boyfriend lives in ENGLAND?
Me: Yup.
Some dude: Do you get weekend dick?
Me: Uh, I don't want weekend dick.

I do not want to casually mess around. Really, it's way too boring.

― Mandee, Monday, 31 March 2003 03:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay that is easy to understand, but you aren't really doing most of those things if you are only going to see the person once or twice a year and they live miles, so the kind of "safety" involved (not to mention the faith that they aren't going to fuck up yr shit emotionally) has to be slightly different sort, doesn't it? Where the idea of being in the relationship is the "safety" rather than the tangible physical presence of the other person?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, what Alex is saying is kind of what I was thinking. Basically, to just clear up my position, when people say LDR these days I'm thinking solely of met-on-the-net relationships. Which isn't to say those are necessarily bad or they don't work! But my response was based almost solely on that. I mean, for an example that was put up, Maura's relationship is completely different from the one I had envisioned in my mind - and oddly, so was MY semi-recent LDR. So my statement of "how can you really love..." wasn't meant against a lot of the examples who I know for a fact exist on this board, or have existed.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

or will exist!!!!!!!!!

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 03:45 (twenty-two years ago)

wow ally, if net meetings are 'the norm' for LDRs, then our worlds must be completely different.

the sum of my experience hearing about LDRs is high-school-sweetheart type things where kids go to college in different places, and 90% of them collapse within the first six months. i think it just shows that there are three big factors that hold an LDR together: actual physical distance, seriousness of the relationship, and the maturity of the people involved. if you have the last two sorted, then it can probably work no matter what the distance.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Monday, 31 March 2003 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

My girlfriend moved to a different city two years ago. The relationship continued on the assumption that possibly I would move nearer to her at some point, but to be honest it continued more because we both just really like one another. This is what the question forgets: it assumes it's some big sacrifice to be in a long distance relationship, when it's not, not at all -- if it's a choice between continuing to talk to the person you already love or being, you know, single and surrounded by people you're not as interested in as the person who left, well ... it'd take a lot more strength and sacrifice to cut it off than to stay with it.

That said, it does help to trust the other person to do what they please and see who they please in the meantime, but again for the opposite reason than the one laid out here: it's not out of jealousy or a demand for fidelity, but because I for one would feel sort of horrible forcing someone to put her life on hold for me. And it makes the situation easier in one respect: instead of having to constantly make big decisions about how the relationship is working, it allows either person to gradually move on if it comes to that. In my particular case both of us have had the opportunity to do this, and have seen or been interested in the odd third party, but in the end we've wound up remaining more interested in each other.

This summer I'll be moving out to her city. And Anthony makes a GREAT point: if anything, I'm worried about what it'll be like getting used to actually being together again, trading the phone calls and visits I'd gotten used to for actually being there and accommodating whatever odd ways we've changed over two years apart.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 31 March 2003 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

doesnt it all depend on the people involved and their 'agreed terms' ?
i have friends who have maintained a great LD relationship, forced upon them by work availability. they have been together now for 20 years, with about 3 years ( continuous ) spent in different countries at one point. ( now they are in the same place ).
i have also known people who tried to do it but ended up drifting apart.
i wouldnt like it, it sounds difficult. mainly because if i loved, i might miss the person way too much.

― donna (donna), Monday, 31 March 2003 05:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a good friend who is in a LDR with someone in another country and has been for the past year and a half at least. They "opened" their relationship for the duration of the seperation but still deeply care for one another and she's moving to be with him in another half year or so. So yeah, I've seen it work different ways for different people -- the having had a not-ldr period first seems to be a key componant.

I also know ppl who have been married for like 30 years and then temporarily relocated to various cities for career reasons & thus even seen long distance marriages work.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 31 March 2003 05:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Did I say 30? I meant more like 15.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 31 March 2003 05:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I read Ally's first post as "If you loved someone wouldn't you, generally, want to live a million miles from one another?" and I was about to be like, "totally!!!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 31 March 2003 06:06 (twenty-two years ago)

IN MY EXPERIENCE... when having long distance relationships, the persons wanting to get into a relationship with me across the distance have shown a certain lack of ability to commit to a relationship - keeping physical space between the participants has been a way of also keeping an emotional cushion as well. But that's just me...

In terms of long-standing couples/marriages across distances... I've seen it break them up more than I've seen them survive. I'm talking about my parents marriage, more than anything else. Twice, towards the end of the relationship, my father accepted jobs far away, and my mother either wouldn't/couldn't bring the family with him. The second time this happened, he didn't come back. So there you go...

― kate, Monday, 31 March 2003 06:08 (twenty-two years ago)

The only time I've ever been involved in a proper transatlantic long-distance relationship, the person who suggested it wrote me huge begging letters (pre-internet) which absolutely thrilled me as I'd had to come back to America and was bored and angry about that. However, before I could get back to him, he met someone through work and wasn't honest about getting together with her until I'd flown back to be with him.

Upshot of deal: I will always *loathe* groupies.

Right now, my boyfriend is away maybe 75 per cent of the time, finishing a degree (he's in his last term) which he is bored by but needs for postgraduate studies. I've just returned from seeing him this weekend. It has been difficult: money is always tight, some of his course angst drives me up the wall, it's hard to do stuff alone relating to the flat we share without feeling like a total fucking housewife and I want everything to be running smoothly by the time he comes back from University. I'm sure all this hassle will be worth it.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 31 March 2003 06:48 (twenty-two years ago)

three LDRs to date, and hopefully no more of them--I could handle it now but don't especially enjoy doing so. Kate's first graf is OTM.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 31 March 2003 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

oops, meant Sterling's first graf, not Kate's. sorry about that.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 31 March 2003 06:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic only if there's a goal to get together in some kind of permanent arrangment as soon as possible, and the only things holding you back are finances/bureaucracy.

Girlfriend going to study overseas for a semester, that sort of thing? Dud.

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Monday, 31 March 2003 07:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Basically, only if it's a temporary thing.

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Monday, 31 March 2003 07:52 (twenty-two years ago)

'familiarity breeds contempt' vs 'out of sight out of mind'

― dave q, Monday, 31 March 2003 09:57 (twenty-two years ago)

(the fact that I can't think of any middle ground between those two explains why I'm so great at the relationship thing!)

― dave q, Monday, 31 March 2003 09:58 (twenty-two years ago)

So does this mean many military wives are secretly lezzing up ?

― Vik, Monday, 31 March 2003 10:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Without hopefully sounding high and mighty, me and my gf were a long distance (Chicago-London) relationship for a year or so (periods of 3-4 months apart), until we started living together. We kept it together, because, errr, we both feel we found our respective soul-mates, essentially. Then I moved over there for a while. Then she moved over here. And now we're getting married.
I certainly wouldn't want to go through all the problems of a long-term relationship for the sake of it, so far that I certainly wouldn't condone it. But sometimes it's worth the hassle. And this one was. And still is. REALLY.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

'familiarity breeds contempt' vs 'out of sight out of mind'

Familiarity breeds sex, which is a plus, and contemptuous sex is the best sex of all!!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

What about soul mates that are separated by temporal distance, instead of just physical...??

― Vik, Monday, 31 March 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Surely the obvious answer is "it depends on the people", just the same as normal relationships do. There are several ILX regulars I can think of who have been able to maintain long-term, long-distance relationships, and I hope their relationships continue to be a success.

On the other hand, LDRs do make it easier for fantasists and cheats to maintain relationships they wouldn't be able to if they were closer to their partner. Another friend of mine is going out with a boy she met on the internet, who lives several hours' flight away from her. Ever since they started "going out" he's kept flirting with other women over the 'net in the same way that he started off flirting with her. He's also claimed to have secretly "gone out with" another net friend of mine, who he never actually met, and who says nothing ever happened apart from his online flirting and attempted cybersex. Basically, he's a twat, but the distance between him and his girlfriend means it's much easier for him to pretend he isn't and to promise eternal apologies whenever he gets found out. I suppose it's the modern equivalent of a sailor with a wife in every port.

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

i've never been gladder to not be most of you guys than in this thread

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Familiarity breeds sex, which is a plus, and contemptuous sex is the best sex of all!!

OTM!

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't look for a LDR, and I don't suppose many people would, but if Anthony & I or Felicity & I (to take the only two ILXers from across the Atlantic who I've met who I think are single) had fallen in love, I don't think I'd have just thrown it away because of the distance. I'd have kept talking, made sure we saw each other a time or two more, then if things went well I'd have wanted to start working out how we could get together at some point. I don't at all understand the dismissive attitude from some people here.

Actually, thinking about it, I did have one such briefly. I got together with this woman through my summer job before going off to university. Cambridge and Chippenham are hardly oceans apart, but it was some hours each way. Wanting to be with her was a factor in my quitting Cambridge, but I don't think it was the decisive one.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 31 March 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hopefully now you all understand my tragic love for Zoltana Podspeeder of Rigel 7.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 31 March 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never been gladder to not be Jess

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 31 March 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

so predictable

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 31 March 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Nabisco, you're not fooling anyone. We all know Zoltana's picture came with your wallet.

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 31 March 2003 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

that's what makes it so tragic

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 31 March 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

so pompous

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 31 March 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm havign an LDR, and it's hard, it's upsetting sometimes and it's often frustrating. But not for a moment would I consider not being with her, because she makes me feel amazing and unique, whether I'm with her in person, chatting to her on the phone or pining over her, on my own, 4,800 miles away.

I have met someone who I can imagine always being with. With a bit of luck, in 6 months we'll be living in the same city as each other again, and this makes things easier to deal with in the shorter term. Being in love helps me sort out my priorities, and frankly, if my priority number 1 wasn't being with the woman I'm in love with, I'd consider myself a rather misguided person.

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 31 March 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

One recurring problem I've seen in LDR's is that during your weekends or whatever time you have together, there's that pressure to always be doing something and to make the best use of your limited time. There's also more pressure I think to have a 'good' time that can have the opposite effect.

I found this out the hard way during the few months I had to do a LDR, we ended up breaking up and getting back together later (when living in the same town). I didn't enjoy it, but would like do think I could make one work if necessary.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 02:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i've found 'ldr's never work out in the long run. although, none of my 'sdr's (short distence relationships) work out either - so what do i know.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

my problem exactly

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 03:29 (twenty-two years ago)

When I met my live-in, he was here in Florida and I was in California. After several trips back-and-forth, we decided that it was stupid and so I moved back here to be with him. It wasn't until later that we clued-in to the fact that we had never really dated - we went from being email buddies to becoming interested and flirting. And then he came to visit me and we fell in love - which was followed by several two-week trips of me to Florida and he to California.

So I moved back here and moved in with him and all of a sudden realized that all of the time that we had spent together was very intense, because we were trying to crowd so much into such a short amount of time. We never had spent any "down" time in each other's presence. It made things challenging for the first year or two.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

On the other hand Jordan, when you see each other all the time there's waaay more effort involved in actually doing "something" at least every now and then.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

True. It's easy to become boring.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 04:18 (twenty-two years ago)

eight months pass...
i take back everything negative i ever said on this thread

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer proved yet again on this thread that he's the only person who ever understands me.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

What the fuck, indeed.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I summon RJG to explain his "will exist!!!!" post.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:46 (twenty-two years ago)

woah, there are some pretty interesting ironic posts on this thread

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Like I said, Tracer is and continues to be the only person who understood what I was trying to say. Most likely cos he was the only person who knew what I'd gone thru the previous year with my not LDR/thenLDR/then not LDR/then no clue where he was "boyfriend". Boy took me out to dinner. He's a good kid, England should send him back cos I feel like I'm in an LDR with him sometimes when I look at old emails and threads.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:54 (twenty-two years ago)

he's ours now haha

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Eventually he'll do something to get himself deported, you mark my words sinkah.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Are you in RUV, ESOJ?

― Mandee (Jerrynipper), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

YES

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:02 (twenty-two years ago)

and it's 6 months til i can see my behbeh

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:02 (twenty-two years ago)

ah so you really *are* the la-la bunny guy.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I now live with my former LDR behbeh... twoo bliss.

― Mandee (Jerrynipper), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

and it's 6 months til i can see my behbeh

From what I understand, the first trimester is always the hardest.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

why you little

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Wacky!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

SIX MONTHS?! How do you deal with that?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

But truly, I think the hardest part of an LDR is not the distance PER SE, just the mindjob it does on you and how easy it is to become neurotic about things... when I'm with my S.O. I'm very laid back. When we're apart, my mind knits this incredibly strange fabric of worry and doubt and fear.

― Mandee (Jerrynipper), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I always felt there was a danger of slipping into thinking the relationship is perfect cos the little rows aren't there so much, from 300 miles obviously.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

SIX MONTHS?! How do you deal with that?

with extreme patience

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

II have none, that's always my problem.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

you people are gross. long live celibacy.

― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't really have patience, but I do have cigarettes and coloring books and that helps. You know, staying busy and everything.
Mandee OTM.

― kirsten (kirsten), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I went seven months afore I even met the last LDR guy I was with (he in Montreal, me in Melbourne). And yes, it was hard but it also worked. We got engaged while he was in Australia.

But err... 4 months after he got back to Canada he broke it off. The reason wasnt the distance (he'd planned to move here) but the realisation Australia was a whole different culture from Quebec, and he couldnt leave his French roots and his family and friends.

Hardest thing we've probably both ever had to accept. But in the end, a wise choice.

See the only problem with LDRs where you meet that way is eventually, someone has to make the move to be with the other. If that was gonna happen anyway, then great! But there is always a teeny chance for resentment on giving up ones life/lifestyle...

Not always tho. Ive seen LDRs turn into marriages, so hey.

As I have already said Jim, all the best with it. I wont be jealous. Honest *cheeky grin*

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I see my "LDR" more often than I see most guys I've dated in the past two years (or more often than a lot of my friends see the guys THEY'RE dating), which is why I kind of find the whole concept that I AM supposedly in an LDR kind of funny because I suppose yeah, it's true, I can't go pick up right now and go see him if I wanted to (not that I felt welcome to do that with my past boyfriends) but A) D.C. is only slightly further away than, say, parts of Long Island where people commute into the city every single day B) we're together all the time! We both went different places for Thanksgiving and I'm like OMG THIS IS THE WORST WEEK EVER so I basically feel gay even saying anything here. I mean, my point of view from above hasn't changed at all.

Though the one thing no one has said really on this thread is going on about how "LDRs never work out" like some people were is kind of dumb because how many relationships of any type actually work out?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(Oh in case anyone gets all offended by my email address on the last one I do the same thing, it was a poorly expressed agreement)

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll second the whole 'long distance included' in cell phone plans has made this kind of thing much easier!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

none of my posts are difficult to understand.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

"none"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I know what you mean.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

So does RJG.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I know what I mean.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

RJG you are effusive.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:42 (twenty-two years ago)

get lost.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

:(

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Lost in his EYES.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 4 December 2003 01:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally now that I've lived apart from my girlfriend for a good three months I have no idea what I was talking about up there, so - sorry. It looks like we've grown apart.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 4 December 2003 01:03 (twenty-two years ago)

My best friend, mentioned in the first post, broke up with her LDR and is now shacking up with the illicit crush.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 4 December 2003 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Not surprising.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 4 December 2003 04:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I always felt there was a danger of slipping into thinking the relationship is perfect cos the little rows aren't there so much, from 300 miles obviously.

I didnt spot this before. Ronan sadly OTM in many cases. I feel I can speak with authority having had 2 long term overseas LDRs with innernet contact/visits, one long -term interstate LDR via snailmail in the days before the innerweb, and several "meet a guy who lives elsewhere/moves elsewhere" fling things.

In a lot of cases it was far too easy to talk myself up, hide my flaws, and conversely ignore/not even know about theirs. In one case, the guy I was with was great when we chatted online, but in person he was a very paranoid, hung up miserable person and I couldnt cope with it.

In another (the ex-fiancee from canada, eh) we got together and my drinking pissed him off. Wasn't what undid us, but it was something he didnt like.

These are the little things you miss when you're not around each other day to day. In some cases.

(sorry Jim, I'm being miss Negativity about it again aren't I? haha I'll shut up now)

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 4 December 2003 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

no i see where you're coming from trayce. actually it's probably the first relationship of any kind i've where i've been completely honest. i can't speak for her, obviously..

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 4 December 2003 04:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer, when did you become Debbie Gibson? I don't even know you anymore, I recind my offer to let you vomit in Starbuck's. I'm gonna invite Phil instead, he didn't leave me for the artic shores of your so-called England.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 4 December 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha wait, Tracer are you saying you DO, generally, want to be a million miles apart from the person you love? That's kind of how I felt about Ramon!! We are on the same page, you should totally come over.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 4 December 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"We've grown apart" = now I can love you! You better warn Starbuck's right now!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 4 December 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

The trouble with long distance relationships, speaking as someone who had one go bad and who's thought about it a lot (mostly between 3 and 4am) is that when you do see each other one or the other of you is on holiday. Then when you move in together that stops and Real Life starts and Real Life is a different thing (this isn't helped by English immigration laws / visa requirements).

Also, one of you ends up on a different continent from her family and friends. The other goes from being the only English boy in Los Angeles to one of millions.

Which isn't to say it can't work but you have to be a bit more flexible, a bit better at dealing with changing dynamics than I was.

― a.loser, Thursday, 4 December 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

When we're apart, my mind knits this incredibly strange fabric of worry and doubt and fear.

Oh, I feel that way about JtN too.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 4 December 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

hahahaha!!

― geeta (geeta), Thursday, 4 December 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

'the only English boy in Los Angeles' should be a movie

― bnw (bnw), Thursday, 4 December 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

It looks like we've grown apart.

It happens, Tracer....even if you aren't miles away from each other.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 4 December 2003 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know if Ally can ever forgive me, Nichole! Especially now that I've impliied that loving her involves lots of puking.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 5 December 2003 00:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I think that's kind of a fair assessment, though. The last...um I think 5 guys I dated all puked in public within the first three times I hung out with them!

― Allyzay, Friday, 5 December 2003 04:24 (twenty-two years ago)

The one good thing about a long distance relationship is that you can go out with your friends more freely and really do it up, and you don't feel too crappy about yourself if you don't pull, and you don't feel too crappy about yourself if you DO pull. (I'm an awful person.)

― Dancing Queen, Friday, 5 December 2003 05:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Long distance relationship? No such thing. You're confusing it the Transcontinental FuckBuddy.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:26 (twenty-two years ago)

what does that even mean?

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:28 (twenty-two years ago)

er, a Fuckbuddy. One that lives long distances from you.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:29 (twenty-two years ago)

what ever happened to love

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:30 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, i'm not endorsing this fuckbuddy business, just pointing it out.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm endorsing it!

If done right, it's super convenient. It gives you a vacation destination. It gives you the 'taken' aura so you don't have to worry about getting a date/lay to feel before-best-before. If you do get laid it's not like your stuff is going to be missing or trashed tomorrow morning.

― Dancing Queen, Friday, 5 December 2003 05:35 (twenty-two years ago)

sounds a little self-absorbed.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Well obviously I mean that the LDR can't be super-super serious. And I don't understand how a super-super serious relationship can function on that level for over, say, a year. Real love to me is all about roughing out day-to-day jitters and weathering the familiarity-breeds-contempt thing. When someone tells me they're totally in love with this person way over there and has been for years and years I wonder if they're just getting off on the fact that they're an item with SOMETHING SOMEWHERE.

― Dancing Queen, Friday, 5 December 2003 05:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I've made one function for almost 2 years. Another for a year and a half. I believe I genuinely loved the people involved. Its not like you never ever see the person in person!

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus God! When I'm in a relationship I want to see the person early and often! How the HELL do you give your honey his morning honey if he's in another place entirely. That's not a relationship, it's a sentimental fuckbuddy arrangement, imho.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 5 December 2003 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

some of us don't subscribe to that view, which makes no sense anyway inasmuch as there ain't much fucking going on over long distances.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Exactly. Sure, its somewhat sad and frustrating being apart from someone you love but seriously, being around someone 24/7 is even more repulsive. I encourage mah boi to go see his folx, etc, give us both space from time to time, I think its healthy.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Then again, I also suspect me and Jim are big fat lerv cynics ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Relationship threads kinda suck cause everyone's different, every relationship is different, and yet we all try to form theories and make rules from our personal experience.
In other words, everybody OTM.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

oops OTM.

(heh sorry)

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 5 December 2003 06:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Orbit, you not half speaking a load of shit. You are plain wrong to the point where I'm convinced you're winding us up.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 5 December 2003 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

my LDR is the most amazing person to walk the earth. why yes, i'm drunk, but that doesn't make it untrue

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

ILXers in projecting their own experiences to be true for universal experiences shockah!

(Sorry, no, not you, Jim)

― THAT Kate (kate), Friday, 5 December 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Since when are you LDRing me, Jim?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 5 December 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

oh y'know andrew, i can't resist your charms

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 December 2003 12:04 (twenty-two years ago)

And I just realised... wow, Person X gets around!

― THAT Kate (kate), Friday, 5 December 2003 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

is it possible that the people that are good at LDRs are generally better at healthy/mature relationships in the first place?

i'm not so good at them, and really terrible with LDRs. i don't think this is a coincidence.

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 5 December 2003 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Thinking about this, I have realised that nearly all of my friends have been in, or are still in, long distance relationships. Of the ones that aren't any more, either circumstances have changed removing the LDR element or they've broken up for reasons which I don't think that had much to do with the distance.

I couldn't do it myself, I don't think - I'm far too insecure. Not untrustworthy or untrusting, I just like the security of having a partner around. Now we're married, we go off on holiday separately and stuff like that, but it would have been too difficult for me to countenance when we were just starting out.

I do think it means that my friends are people with similar values to me. And nothing more than that.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 5 December 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

four weeks pass...
where was i when this thread got revived?

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 01:40 (twenty-two years ago)

My friends call these kins of relationships GI's - Geographical Impossibilities.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Friday, 2 January 2004 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

this is the best thing i've ever done. in a couple of months at the most we'll be proper together and it's gonna fucken rock so damn hard.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 2 January 2004 01:43 (twenty-two years ago)

have been in one for about two months now, and its working out great.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 01:50 (twenty-two years ago)

um, the secret to making it work is being vertiginously in love and knowing that no-one else will do. i am very happy for jim and his lady, its all so dreadfully cute.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 01:53 (twenty-two years ago)

ldrs are utterly incomprehensible to me; i find them to be a contradiction in terms.
maybe folks who relate more on the internet to people than you do irl find this works, but i am a relationship luddite. or maybe i just like sex more than most people. i don't know, but as a monogamous gal, it absolutely registers a big zero with me. other people can do it, sure, but it's the opposite of what i'd want in a relationship.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 2 January 2004 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

i relate well enough to people IRL. i also like sex a lot. i am, deep down, nowhere near as cynical about love as i pretend to be. in fact sometime about 18 months ago i turned into a complete romantic and decided that if i ever wanted to be in a relationship again i would never ever settle for less than the best. i would rather be alone than be with someone i was 1000% sure about. i just met the best, fuck the rest, i'm disgustingly happy.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 02:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i would rather be alone than be with someone i was 1000% sure about.

that should read "i would rather be alone than be with someone i WASN'T 1000% sure about".

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

sadly, "sure" in hindsight, can mean "fooled"

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 2 January 2004 04:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i wasn't fooled. as many others haven't been i'm sure. no, you can't always know, but the day you fear taking the chance is the day you are tired of life IMO

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 2 January 2004 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

black and blue on the heart
hurts

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 2 January 2004 04:26 (twenty-two years ago)

but luckily not forever.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 05:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been more fooled by partners I knew as friends first, people I met in person and went out with, than by the LDRs I met. Many times.

With only ONE exception, and that had less to do with LDR and more with online (he cld have been in the same city and Idve been as fooled). Not all LDRs have anything to do with the internet either BTW.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 2 January 2004 06:04 (twenty-two years ago)

also jim OTM.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 2 January 2004 06:14 (twenty-two years ago)

It's nice to have a definite end date to the long distance part.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 2 January 2004 10:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I still say bah, though I certainly wish anyone in the situation well. I just don't want to do it again.

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 2 January 2004 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

mine is working out beautifully.

― joday (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 2 January 2004 12:11 (twenty-two years ago)

i've been in a LDR for two years and a half now. in three months i'm moving in with her (or rather looking for an apartment together in her city). i can't wait, and i'm so happy we had the patience to keep on throughout this time. now call me an ingenue, i'm more in love than ever.
and the times we spent on our own were great for the relationship: it helped us to be able to keep our own space whilst building the relationship. now we're two independent people ready to live together, and i'm looking forward to it.

― joan vich (joan vich), Friday, 2 January 2004 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate my own space, I just end up hitting myself

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 2 January 2004 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Having just read this thread in one gulp, I want to point out that ESOJ began a post ten months ago with the claim "i didn't work for me"; obviously, not being self-employed was his problem.

― I used to be a proofreader (Frank Kogan), Friday, 2 January 2004 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

was in a long distance relationship for first semester; girlfriend stayed in providence and i went to new york. she fell out of love, and i smooched another girl when i was drunk; we don't really talk now 'cause i keep thinking "i want to bang you." and she keeps thinking "i feel sorry for you."

― Ian Johnson (orion), Friday, 2 January 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Trayce wrote: "in person he was a very paranoid, hung up miserable person and I couldnt cope with it."

Trayce, you wouldn't be an ex of mine posting under a pseudonym, would you?

― By the way, Frank, why did you move to Denver? (Frank Kogan), Friday, 2 January 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

a relationship becoming/seeming more serious because it has to be in order to continue.

!!

Which seems built into the situation whether you decide to keep it LDR or that one of you will move.

― Everyone wants to know when you're moving back to SF (Frank Kogan), Friday, 2 January 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

On the other hand, keeping the relationship LD is a way of insuring that the infrequent get-togethers are wildly passionate.

― It really was great the first several months (Frank Kogan), Friday, 2 January 2004 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

But there is always a teeny chance for resentment on giving up one's life/lifestyle...

Yeah, a teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy, tiny-whiny little chance.

― Single in Colorado (Frank Kogan), Friday, 2 January 2004 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Aw, Frank. :( I think I know like 3 people that are stuck in Denver due to failed LDR's. It must be famous for that by now.

― Mandee, Friday, 2 January 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't know if i wanted to kill myself more before or after i read this thread.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

so we'll call it a draw.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Long Distance Relationship?!? Wait for the Fuck??

― kephm, Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:21 (twenty-two years ago)

who wants to wait!??? that's my point. beautifully stated, kephm.
my idea of long distance is los angeles!!! (and i'm *in* los angeles county)

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry Frank Ive never even been to the US ;P

Sex isnt the be all and end all to a relationship ya know. If sex was the most important part of a realtionship I was in I think I'd be rather disapointed.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 3 January 2004 08:06 (twenty-two years ago)

no one said sex was *most* impt, but to me, being physically in the same place is required. otherwise, by my definition, you've got an occassional fuckbuddy, not a relationship. human nature being what it is, both people will be boinking whomever in the absence of the other, it's having one's cake and eating it too. of course this just reflects what *I* have observed, and your mileage may vary.

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 3 January 2004 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

taking sides: extrapolating personal experience to stand in for others experiences too vs accepting the fact that human relationships take a myriad of different forms, and that for some people, geographic distance is less important than emotional distance

― gareth (gareth), Saturday, 3 January 2004 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

taking sides: not reading the post vs. reading the post

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 3 January 2004 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

reading the post

― gareth (gareth), Saturday, 3 January 2004 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

otm

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 3 January 2004 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

fwiw i was in a ldr for six months. it was well into the relaionship when circumstances ($, university) created the distance & i am still with her.

― kephm, Saturday, 3 January 2004 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

well said, gareth.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 3 January 2004 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

In other news, short-distance relationship too much work

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

what a sad thread.

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 18 January 2004 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

LDR's are hard but worth the effort when you've found the right person.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Sunday, 18 January 2004 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

seven months pass...
What is the best explanation for the fact (and it is a fact, no?) that in our world at least, in transatlantic relationships it's almost always a British man and an American woman?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps it's because American women are more prone to fall under the spell of the British accent and charm, whereas American men prefer loose American women and may be intimidated by British women.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I fear you may have nailed it.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)

But obviously that raises further questions. What is the British charm?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Sigh. No comment.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it involves an intimate understanding of beach huts, oast houses and tollhouses.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

part of it IS the accent. another part of it is that the stereotypical British man is more refined and sophisticated, more gentlemanly than his American counterpart.
I'd expound on that but it's 4:30AM and my bed is calling me.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a very good observer article on the subject a coupel of months before ILE was born. Basically it comes down to the fact that a certain type of metropolitan US woman finds all US men to be corn fed lunkheads and that that british men are sensitive, cosmopolitan sofisticates; bumbling and blethering like hugh grant with sexy accents.

come to think of it, what a fatuous article.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:39 (twenty-one years ago)

British boys are to American women what Japanese girls are to insecure male musicians. [/meow]

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

hehe

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I preferred that article from some American woman in London saying how all British men were hopeless.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Ed was that article that long ago? i'm sure there was a big car-crash of a thread about it...

also i assume alba has revived this thread due to NY-LON starting tonight...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

oh actually that might be the article i was thinking of alba...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, haven't you people SEEN Three Men And A Little Lady?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

however, it appear that she'd only been shagging wet fops from the sloane square knightsbridge, chelsea triangle. Pedigrees including minor public school education and minor claims on the aristocracy. they are hopeless.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I believe it's because American women traditionally visit Europe to drink in the culture. Their first stopover is Britain, where they are alone and exposed to strange customs. They are vulnerable, and open to the charms of strong, gentlemanly locals with enticing accents and adorable idiosyncracies. They swear to remain faithful, write every day, and though there was the kiss in Paris and the fumble in Florence, they return to the States full of hopes and dream with their anglo-saxon esquire.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe they want to know more about tranmere rovers

― david acid (gareth), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

That dissenting voice:

The tragic ineptitude of the English male (attn: Emma?)

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Basically it seems to boil down to a hugh grant or morrissey fixation

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)

(see also david bowie, peter o'toole, etc.)

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, don't put the blame all on the woman!

I've been the victim of British Men obsessed with American Women too many times - they have this belief that American women are somehow more forward, faster - EASIER - or something.

This makes my blood boil, for obv. reasons - i.e. I'M NOT BLOODY AMERICAN, SO DON'T FETISHISE ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT!!!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

definately a factor for shy english boys who like to be asked out by by domineering yankee husseys

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:06 (twenty-one years ago)

so it's only the american bit you object to kate, not them thinking you easy ;)

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I may be fast, but in no way, shape or form, have I *ever* been easy!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:14 (twenty-one years ago)

well, the reason i go out with english guys is...i live in england. yep, i'm probably more forward than most girls here, but the hugh grant thing doesn't work for me at all (in fact, the thing with diarmid almost didn't work out because the night we met he kept stuttering, which i though was just too much of a cliche. he never did it again after that night).

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)

also-- just curious here, but based on conversations with many girls here, i think the american=fast&easy thing is almost the opposite of what really happens. my english friends have expressed surprise that i can bring a guy home from a club, make out, and NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. they wonder how i can possibly do that, how can i resist? which seems weird to me. basically, i don't do one-night stands, and they do. and my friends back home wouldn't do them, either. can't make sweeping generalisations, but i suspect that casual sex is actually more ok in the binge drinking culture over here than it is (outside of the frathouse) in the states.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I get that impression too. We don't seem to have the 'dating' culture here so much, so there are lots of kind of all or nothing drunken beginnings to relationships.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I think we might be veering dangerously close to the 'British people don't date' thing.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Too late.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha sorry. Well, I have never been on a date. But I won't extrapolate further, don't worry.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Even outside of relationships, the number of American women I'v seen visit or stay over here, first with Sinister and then with ILX, far outweighs the men. American women be visiting!

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

nobody dates anymore, it's just that americans keep up the pretense.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Alba OTM. I know more British men who've gone and visited the States as well.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Colette: you mean Sex And The City is all LIES!?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Matt - it is clear that secretly they are all horndogging, despite pretence of friendly visit.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Colette: you mean Sex And The City is all LIES!?

of course not! i mean, i can afford manolos and ny rent without actually working, can't you?

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i really could have done without seeing this thread again

― purple patch (electricsound), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

could there be a timezone thing too.. like, the british person prolly will be staying up for longer for real-time interactions and maybe more guys do that more often than girls? (just putting in an alternative/subordinate hypothesis to just the "british dudes are phwoarreee" theory)

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I prefer the British dudes are phwoarreeee theory.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:26 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Do men really stay up later than women?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Guys wank over the interweb more. Coz, like, blokes can do it with only one wrist!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i dunno nick. i just don't know many girls who stay up real late. (i know some) but a loada boys who do. i'm happy to be proved otherwise though!

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

proved wrong, even.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahem someone on this thread is BEGGING for the Lysistrata treatment, Ed *crosses legs*.

But yeah I am the Bowie-casualty department. The plain truth is that chasing the Bowie casualty in the US will turn you fag-hag whereas in Britain the Bowie casualties are usually straight so you might...actually...get...laid. Which might be the crux of the matter.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

your more english than me anyway, you actualy shout during football matches. I was drawing on my experiences of previous relationships with 'real' americans ;-)

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

i think the american=fast&easy thing is almost the opposite of what really happens

Yes! When I was working in London, I had got teased for being a bit forward (just for kissing someone who worked on our floor) whereas my British coworker was the one sleeping with two new guys a week.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, but this is England! What happens when you're drunk doesn't actually count!

It's not that you *kissed* a guy, it's that you did it SOBER!!! You SHAMELESS HUSSY!!!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Who are all these rampantly promiscuous British girls and why do I never meet any of them?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, but this is England! What happens when you're drunk doesn't actually count!

whoa. But I thought y'all were drunk all the time?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:43 (twenty-one years ago)

It's the easiest away to evade all responsibility

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

kate is totally OTM.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Stence: exactly!

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Can we quit bitching and just go to the pub already, please?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I think US women get with UK men because they're drunk all the time.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

which is also why it never works out! D'oh!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

that's not true, sometimes it does.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, I killed the thread! sorry!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Can I have some backup about all the Bowie artskool boys in the US being gay whereas their Britiish equivalents are usually straight? I know loads of American gay boys who would have turned out straight in basically any other country. And quite a few straight British ones who would have made model members of the US queer nation.

None of my British boyfriends have been drunks! Like, ever - but loud drunk men from all ports give me the creeps so I wouldn't go there to begin with.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

No, it stopped coz we all went down the pub.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I know loads of American gay boys who would have turned out straight in basically any other country.

uh, whew, this one's a doozy.

The only obsessed-with-Bowie person I know is my ex-girlfriend. And I don't think she ever fell for any British dudes.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't know about the bowie connection, but i think i agree with most of what you say, suzy...i keep crushing on boys over here, assuming they're gay, chat to them in a non-selfconscious way, and end up making out with them. it's great! most of the guys i've dated here would be stereotyped as gay back home.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember the first time that I came back to the UK to visit, going to a pub quiz with my godfather, and telling a table of British men, with a perfectly straight face, that I preferred British men to American ones because British ones were "more in touch with their feminine sides".

Of course, they were all wearing dresses at the time...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Stence this may have more to do with choosing Sarah Lawrence for college than anything else! Which may be the entirely wrong thing to say considering your circs.

British men can do camp without it compromising their (hetero)sexuality. I know very few Americam men who can say the same.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think any of the men I know who've courted American women are particularly huge Bowie fans, or even went to art school. I think this phemomenon goes somewhat wider than suzy's social milieu. 

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

my ex-girlfriend went to Sarah Lawrence!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

i think it's more the camp thing than just being bowie fans...

(although, come to think of it, diarmid was a big bowie fan. hmm. going to think about this some more)

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

People I've known aren't even camp, though. Maybe they'd be known as camp in the US, I don't know. But it's more 'unmacho' than any kind of flamboyance.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:01 (twenty-one years ago)

My friend Catty loves to play the "Are they British or are they gay?" game with my friends. Men who failed included both Charlie No.4 and Joe, so...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

i sang "space oddity" once in a karaoke bar in america, and the girls loved it. so hey!! i even did a gay handclaps thing at the handclaps bit.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Failed at being gay or failed at being British?

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Bwah hah hah!

Sorry, should have read "men who she failed on included..." or words to that effect.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the "Bowie = gay" thing isn't really big in the States anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure some of the neighborhood heshers circa '82 or something would've said he was a "fag" (much in the same way they told an impressionable hstencil that the Police were "gay"), but I think the culture's changed a lot since then.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think American think I'm gay, but I suppose they wouldn't always say.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

we Americans apparently love gay people now. Unless they want to marry.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

for an american man to date someone from another country is seen as cheating. this is america, learn the rules dude.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Cheating on whom? American women, or other men in the dating race?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I was just going for a marker that everyone could understand, Alba, no need for literality! I could have just gone for the easy joke of HOW GAY would Nick Currie have been if he'd been born in Chicago instead of Scotland? We talked about this once and agreed the answer was probably 'very'.

Anyway Colette knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about but this may be a Midwestern Girl thing in that most boys there are not hugely motivated by aesthetic matters in a way that makes the 18-22 year old girl notice or applaud (in high school and college, most of them tended to be questioning their sexuality). So we got the fuck out. I just got back from a studio visit with my friend Ellen, an artist from Detroit who works and lives here, and she says the same.

Stence, you said ex-g/f was older than you, maybe she was there when I was? If she graduated between '87 and '92 and is a music person odds are we'll know each other.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Would RJG be gay in America?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

only if he were willing to try.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

oh and cheating against OTHER MEN of course! (america is secretly the gayest country ever)

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny, all these American women apparently wanting men who are just gay enough.

I am going to watch NY:LON tonight for further illumination.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

tell me about NY:LON

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't want an American or a British man. I think I shall marry a Canadian. A Dirty Dronerock Canadian.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Stence, you said ex-g/f was older than you, maybe she was there when I was? If she graduated between '87 and '92 and is a music person odds are we'll know each other.

naw, think older, more of the SY generation (although I think she's a good bit younger than, say, Kim Gordon). By '87 her pop band was working on their second LP!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Just Gay Enough was a broadsheet women's lifestyle column concept from a few years ago wasn't it? I based my life around that concept.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate, a dirty dronerock Canadian would be one of those Godspeed guys. Could you really stand all of the sub-Chomsky rhetoric?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Eeuurrrgh. Actually, if you put it that way, erm, no. I was thinking more along the lines of, like, Sloan.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny, all these American women apparently wanting men who are just gay enough.

that's exactly right. i know it sounds fucked up, but that's precicely what i want...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

(I was going to kidnap Sloan and make them all marry me (except Chris who is icky) but my cousin told me that you could get arrested for transporting Sloan outside of Canadia.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I was thinking more along the lines of, like, Sloan.

dibs on andrew. i like 'em surly.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Sloan are too lame for you, Kate. Aim higher.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously I saw them open for firehose and Yo La Tengo ages ago, and I was underwhelmed if that's a word. (heh)

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

hstencil, you have just killed my years-old crush on you. :-(

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Colette, I admire your pigeonholability. As Matt suggests, have a flick through some G2s of a few years ago!

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

oh no! shit.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

sloan are completely and totally crushworthy.

xpost-- alba, not sure how to take that one...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

oh well Kate I guess we won't get to be the exception to that US dudes/UK girls theory.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Funnily enough, men also seem to like their women "just gay enough" if most pr0n is something to go by. (In this case, "just gay enough" seems to mean "willing to mash meatflaps with female best friend in a hot tub".)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, only if you can learn to love Sloan!

http://radio2.feds.ca/aok/images/audio/sloan.jpg

Maybe you should change your email to hstenc!l-NOSLOANyah00.com

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

If that sounded snide, it absolutely wasn't supposed to. I really do like people to not get all squirmy about labels being attached to them. See also Momus's comments in the 'acting against type' thread.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

ha, i love that during this conversation i'm taking ok cupid's new gaydar test. i got 70%

xpost-- andrew and i have the same hat! it's meant to be!

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Jay and I have the same jacket. It's meant to be!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry, Kate, I don't love guys! That's the whole point, I thought.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been gay, in america.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

also engineer hats are SO OVER.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I love how when they play games against each other, they play Greys Against Blonds. Heh.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

jay is the only one that's ever flirted with me. but he's just too short for me.

hstencil-- obviously, we want our 'gay looking' guys to actually like girls. that's the whole point!

xpost-- you're mean and i hate you. except that i look good in mine, so i don't care what you think.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

shit. pouting again. need to stop.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

well my hair is pretty long right now but I don't think I could pass for gay, even if I tried.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Not that you were really agreeing to a label. Ignore me. I am sleep-deprived and having a conversation with myself.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

is it interesting?

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

It's just interesting enough.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

hstencil, there's always the bear scene.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

believe me, I know ALL ABOUT the bear scene.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, I don't recommend the just gay enough policy at all. I've been trying it all my adolescent life and it hasn't met with a tremendous amount of success, even when American women are taken into account.

Or maybe I have confused just gay enough with just girly enough.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)

You big ponce.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, alba, i wasn't saying i hate you. i'm aware that i like a certain type, which you can call a label if you want to. i'm not sure if there's a pat label to fit me, but i'm sure there is. i was saying hstencil was being mean about the hat. and about sloan.

xpost-- we should be having the ilx version of 'gay or european?' photothread. would the guys submit photos for it?

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry Alba, that was totally uncalled for. I just really felt like calling someone a big ponce.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah... just gay enough implies a tantalising possibility that they're unavailable as well as sensitive. Whereas girly is just girly.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi dere!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually its just occurred to me that JGE could actually apply to 90% of male Ilxers.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

oh sorry colette, some of my best friends here still wear engineer hats, but they're almost as ubiquitous as VON DUTCH and I'd wish they'd admit it.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

gay or eurotrash?

lesbian or german lady?

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

But once you find out they aren't actually gay, doesn't the unavailability factor disappear?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I might be gay.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

that gaydar test is so easy!! i got 80% on it!! apparently "i'm better at recognising gay girls than boys" i kinda just clicked on the ones with boys haircuts on each one and well i guess it was a good tactic.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

What is the best explanation for the fact (and it is a fact, no?) that in our world at least, in transatlantic relationships it's almost always a British man and an American woman?

By "our world" you mean ILx? Not really an unbiased sample size.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Does actually shagging men make you Far Too Gay?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't like them because they're unavailable, i like the whole 'sensitive guy that wears cute clothes and has either floppy or spiky hair and hopefully glasses' thing, which in america would make him a big fag, generally speaking.

hstencil, where are you? i never see them in london, got mine at roskilde to keep the rain off my face, and love love it.

xpost-- Does actually shagging men make you Far Too Gay?

depends on the situation. i'd be ok with it, but i think a lot of girls wouldn't. (not actually shagging them at the same time, obv. oh, god, this sounds terrible!)

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I am in Brooklyn, even the non-hipsters wear 'em.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

well, they really aren't everywhere in london. i'll make sure not to pack it if i end up visiting my gay (not european) friend over there, though...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

By "our world" you mean ILx? Not really an unbiased sample size.

I meant ILX, yes. And (in addition) Sinister's.

Sample sizes aren't biased or unbiased. They're simply big enough to draw statistically significant conclusions or they aren't. Samples themselves can be biased, and if you think that ILE's experiences don't reflect the wider population's, you may well be right. But I was asking about this small world, not the entire history of transatlantic romance.

Maybe it's just a fluke, in which case say that too.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I know US girls outside of the ILX and Sinister populations who either date or have dated UK dudes, too.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

what is an 'engineer's hat' and where can I get one?

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ihttp://www.milcompass.com/armyimages/patrolhats.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

What is the purple camoflauge for? Invading Paisley Park?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Prince could go all David Koresh on us at any moment, you never know.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

should i wear my black engineer's hat tonight? might do anyway, if it's raining...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

This is a bad picture, but you'll know what I mean when you see it - THIS is an engineer's hat (to me):

http://www.chez.com/simpson2000/marchandise/figurines/autres/larger/reverend_lovejoy.jpg

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

well yeah, those are engineer hats too (I can't actually see the image, but I assume you mean like a train engineer).

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to think this has more to do with the radicalness of the american woman.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

let's get back to talking about drinking. most british men i've been with have been drunks to a degree, but so has almost every american (and one finn). for me, it would appear that alcoholism is the deciding factor rather than nationality.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

it's thirsty work.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

bugger thay they hardly scream Engineer. I'll just have to work on the fred dibnah outfit.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess I need to drink more.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

You need to get more steam engines for that!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Well - my only requirement for men is that they own a fleece zip-up.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Army engineer, guys, not train engineer (though the picture I linked to says they're "patrol hats" yeah whatever).

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Mandee I have two of those!

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Long distance relationships RULE

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

If only had the money I'd be off to switzerland this weekend for 2 days of classic swiss locomotives running up and down the gottard tunnel approach ramp.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Awww, I've still got the digital movies of the Boulton or Coulton or whatever Steam Engines/Huffing Machines on my laptop. :-(

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

ok ed how's this?

http://www.hatsinthebelfry.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/trainconductorstriped-200.jpg

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Adam, I dunno about that, but when they work out, it's fucking great :)))

G--ff - pretty damn good!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

In what colors, Stence?

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

the L.L. Bean one is lightish grey while the B@nk 0f @m3r!c@ one (which I will never ever wear) is black, maybe?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

the grey one kinda looks good over this one white jacket I have but maybe that looks gay?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

This is not how I meant this thread revival to turn out.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Looking gay is what we girls all like, though, remember?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a wonderful new pair of jeans. Jeans are good.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

what were you hoping for?

xpost

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

my boyfriend likes eurodisco, sex and the city, and interior design. get him!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

that's bad gay,

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Steam engines are far more interesting than long distance relationships!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

yes but Kate I am in America! If the girls here want gay they date UK guys, right?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

good, but this is more what I am going for

which is of course what every american girl is looking for in a british man

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

eeek, can we not use IMG tags

http://www.nbosworth.btinternet.co.uk/Fred_Dibnah.jpg

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm reminded of why I said nothing on this thread in the first place!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

All that and beer, too! I bet it's CAMRA-approved real ale, to boot!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.trainsinger.com/railroad/gregHat.jpg

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

ha. we're all looking for gay alcoholics. i'm taking out an ad in the personals. can you even imagine what you'd get back?

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Fred Dibnah is a reactionary fool.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, your British girlfriend was a steam engine called Betsy?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually know of one LDR that involves an american guy and an english girl - they are breaking all the rules.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Lauren - I don't know. I think I was hoping to shame people into calling a halt to transatlantic relationships.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

a girl can live in the same borough as me and I'd consider it a LDR.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

the 'special relationship' will stand the test of time, nick.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I meant ILX, yes. And (in addition) Sinister's.

hahahahaha!!! ok, yeah if you bring in THE BELLE & SEBASTIAN FANCLUB don't be shocked if the level of anglophiliac american ladies increase!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

let's start a committee. we could go around cutting telephone wires and upending tables in cafes if we suspect a transatlantic reunion is taking place.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, your British girlfriend was a steam engine called Betsy?

No, Jane would not have liked that description.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds like you need a SQUAD, not a committee. With red uniforms.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

you're right. committee sounds too soft. i don't really have a problem with the issue at hand, but if uniforms and mayhem are involved then i want in.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Uniforms and mayhem? Alba's little droogs, perhaps?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It must be a militia.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.iisg.nl/~landsberger/images/pla37.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously, when I think of all the lovely people who have let themselves waste time and money on transatlantic relationships when they probably should have been addressing why they weren't meeting people in their own town, it seems an awful shame not negated by the odd success story. This genuinely isn't directed at anyone in particular, and I'm probably speaking out of turn, but still, MILITIA NOW.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i'd like to get involved with a british girl, but only here, or there, and not both.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

This is stupid - as if it's not enough me regretting everything in my own life I'm starting to have regrets for other people.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

That's just not how it works is it though Nick? I mean, it's trite, but you really CAN'T choose who you fall in love with.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Lauren, are you single? Do you honestly think you'll have three months in London without being pounced on by the unattached male ILXor massive meeting a wonderful, sensitive British hunk?

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Mark, you already have a girlfriend.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

That's just not how it works is it though Nick? I mean, it's trite, but you really CAN'T choose who you fall in love with.

OTMFM

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I sorta tried to pull a UK girl in NYC once like 7 years ago, it didn't really work.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww Nick, you sarcastic bugger flatter me!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Archel - yes, you're probably right. But maybe it's worth trying not to get yourself into situations where bad fallings will happen.

ie. STOP FLIRTING ON THE INTERNET, BY ORDER OF THE MILITIA

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i could do some reconaissance work, i suppose, mark.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

know thine enemy, and all.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I love it when you get all stern with me, Nick.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.beavton.k12.or.us/jacob_wismer/leahy/2001/idioms/kettle1_small.jpg

(for Nick, obv)

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

If the girls here want gay they date UK guys, right?

Fuck YOU

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

not really.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

adam, you know you want to be a metrosexual

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I have never had an American girlfriend.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

then again I guess I sort of pulled/got pulled by a girl who ended up being my then-girlfriend for about a year around the same time I was flirting with the UK girl, so it doesn't really matter. Except the UK girl would've been cooler. But the other girl lived in New England so I guess that's as close as I'll get.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

(that was not supposed to sound like a complaint)

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I do but I think i just realized I can't afford it. And I need to lose a little weight first.
xxpost

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

oh btw to bring it all back full-circle the girl who lived in New England is the one from the walked-in-on thread.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I can think of at least one occasion in my life when I have pretty much deliberately got myself into a stupid LDR just because I was on the rebound and wanted some romance and excitement/torture but didn't want to spend too much actual time with a man. Bad.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think I've been getting this 'just gay enough' thing right over the last few years. I spend no money and minimal time on hair and clothes, and don't look cute, but I have shagged a bunch of men. This seems to be the wrong emphasis for most people.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

my first real relationship with a girl (ie. the one when I lost my virginity) was an LDR. If it matters.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously, when I think of all the lovely people who have let themselves waste time and money on transatlantic relationships when they probably should have been addressing why they weren't meeting people in their own town, it seems an awful shame not negated by the odd success story. This genuinely isn't directed at anyone in particular, and I'm probably speaking out of turn, but still, MILITIA NOW.
-- Alba (albab...), August 24th, 2004.

Yr a wise man, Nick.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

okay TMI. sorry.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I should have realized years ago that I can't find anyone in my own town because I'm awkward and have drooling problems.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

my first real relationship with a girl (ie. the one when I lost my virginity) was an LDR. If it matters.

I am trying to think of an amusing alternative thing that LDR could stand for.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh that NY:Lon show is starting today! I will watch that, I think it's a terrible name for a show though. I mean Nylon is just some crappy man made frabic isn't it? I guess they were just pleased with themselves for thinking up NY:Lon in the first place, that they didn't really think it through.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

lethal dose of radiation?

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Martin, you can join me in the justy dyke enough category.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd have called it TRANSATLANTANTRIC WORSE THAN THIS LIFE SHOCKAH

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Lonely Dalliance Recovery.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Is NYLon about New Yorkers shagging Londoners?

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean I'm pretty opposed to LDRs in principle, and until recently haven't been in one since the New England walked-in-on girlfriend, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes Mandee! Something like that! About some stockbroker who falls for a New York record shop clerk, and their transatlantic love affair. That's why I thought this thread had been revived, but it's just a coincedence. Obviosuly, N has been subcounciously influenced by constant Channel 4 adverts.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Love Devoid of Reward

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Love Devoid of Reward = total emo band name!

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is very amusing to me, as I was in a LDR with an American woman, and I'm English. We're now married and living in
London so no more LDR, thankfully!!!

I guess I would probably be JGE as well, with the floppy hair and glasses.

But yeah, LDR can work but they're also a nightmare. But you can't help who you fall in love with!!

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Jel, I declared my NY:LON motivations early on today.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Lotsa Dick Rendez-vous

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

only in your LDRs.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

okay sorry that was too mean, you're not British.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

oh sorry N, I'm guilty of not reading the whole thread! A thousand apologies.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

so this is NY-LON. hoo boy.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Jel, I didn't mean to sound snippy. I would never scold you.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I kinda like the girl in NY:Lon.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

chrissake the dude's name is "Michael Antonioni"!!

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

She'll take any European crap.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It's okay N!! I didn't think you were being snippy!

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

she's quite cute. he's not particularly.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasn't he in one of those British gangster films? He looks a tad punchable.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

jel is trying it.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I went to a kung-fu class once, and they said my punching ability was "laughable". They asked me to picture something that makes me really angry and I couldn't think of anything, oh dear, I am lacklustre.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, jel.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm better at kicking.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

sooze from 'as if' is in NY:LON.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Rashida Jones plays New Yorker Edie Miller, an unconventional and mysterious free spirit who works in a record store by day and teaches literacy at night in the Brooklyn Projects.

Stephen Moyer plays Londoner Michael Antonioni, a working class Essex boy who’s carved out a career as a city broker but whose dysfunctional family still rely on him.

Man, this kind of stuff never does wonders for my willing suspenson of disbelief. They should leave it in room where they make the pitch.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I worry what my own life situation might sound like when translated into one of these things.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

do it.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

it should maybe be a thread.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Damnit, I wanna watch this NYLON show!!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

SPANDEX

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder if Dow Chemical is pissed (or was it Dupont?).

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost thats a threeway romance between a spanish olive plantation heir, a closeted lawyer from north dakota, and a young academic from exeter

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

SPANDEX

he lives in Spanish Harlem, she lives in Exeter...

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

argh!!! x-post!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

PIT:MAN

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

A pittsburgh mechanic falls in love with a sassy ginger-haired school teacher in Manchester

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

NY-LON is exactly the kind of show that makes me glad I don't watch TV and that even if I did I wouldn't be doing it in the UK.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

LA:Mer

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

these are not fabrics.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

speak for yourself, cece.

xpost

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Helinski-Manchester HE-MAN romance plz.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Sea:Min

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm kinda looking forward to NY:LON. : /

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

(my lamer wasn't directed at anthony or anyone btw, it was just an xpost)

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

WO:OL

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

i would totally watch this. i'd probably be glued to the tv, as long as it didn't conflict with hollyoaks or cheaters.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

SP:ud (Sao Paulo and Udine)

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

haha Jel I thought you were referencing "La Mer"!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, is it sad of me to have gotten an Atlas out at this stage?

I am totally watching NY:Lon! There is no late night Hollyoaks at the mo.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i wish someone could tape this for me, or burn it to a DVD - I WANNA WATCH ITTTTT

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I was going to say maybe it would be on soulseek, but that would be ridiculous.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

it's probably possible, somehow. my friend gets all of the east enders episodes on his laptop.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

it might be on suprnova or emule.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps you could initiate a chat with the person you download it off and start a transatlantic romance.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

PERHAPS!!!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

NY:LA -- JBR & CKB fall in love and open an ill-fated theme restaurant.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"Special guest star Ned as the guy who keeps wondering if he can get sriracha sauce."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

he can.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah but that's going to make a crap catchphrase. "Can I get sriracha sauce?" It is no "AAAAAAAAAAAAAY" or "Sit on it."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

How about "Can I get sriracha sauce, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?"

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Only if I can do a backflip each time and land face down in a cream cheese danish.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

How about, 'can I get some hot stuff?' I'm wondering what JBR will employ as her 'kiss my grits' catchphrase...CKB's will be FEED ME.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a vision, Ms. Suzy! You and Ed can be the wacky guest stars for an episode as you introduce Ed to the wonders of America and he comically asks for tea.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Ed already has The Knowledge of NYC, Miami, New Orleans LA/Malibu and knows more than he should about Mpls. He would probably bring his own tea supply as he's been told not to try it with US teas.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, see, right there, dramatic conflict!

(The pair of you are NOT to be gallivanting about away from London when I visit again next July, BTW.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

can I be the wacky maitre d'? I need a new job.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

"...he's from Barcelona."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

In the sense that you've got no job, or in the sense that your job sucks?

Ned, I'm sure we'll be around! I think Ed knows from bitter experience about the tea issue. Fuck, I get annoyed with the tea issue, they won't pour boiling water directly on the bag as against health dept regs. Whereas in UK health department says the opposite.

Right now Ed is in the pub with Kate's FAP massive; I'm home because payday 'rescheduled' and have no desire to ponce drinks for reasons of freelance quixotics, besides I'm on sentry duty with her at hospital tomorrow and don't want to be hung over. After huge lull at work (attempting to program exhibition for a FASHION GIANT) all the relevant decadents are creeping back from holiday so it's picking up, and my pal S. who Ally and Tom spent the afternoon with has bagged a commissioning job at a very posh mag and we lunch with work in mind on Thursday. AbFab junior tendencies in the area and back to that comment about 'just dyke enough' Ed made upthread that I cannot let pass, S. is amazing charismatic dyke novelist, so naturally he adores her, cough cough. As for me I think he means in the bolshy, argumentative sense.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

my job sucks.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I would make a million selling bootleg "Can I get sriracha sauce, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?" shirts and watch NY/LA every night.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm, I wonder if NYLON magazine is pissed off...

Wasn't Nyla Britney's restaurant?

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

She hates email; he's clearly not gay enough. This programme is not for the likes of us.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Suzy - I don't think they invented the word Nylon so I doubt they'd have much of a leg to stand on.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked it, in parts.

― cºzen (Cozen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a weird part where 'Open Up Your Heart' came on and then she was involved with some Rapturesque bunch and I started to suspect Lauren's involvement in the whole thing.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Suzy wasn't really suggesting legal action, I realise.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasn't Nyla Britney's restaurant?

That is correct. See The Smoking Gun for juicy details of the restaurant's demise.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously, when I think of all the lovely people who have let themselves waste time and money on transatlantic relationships when they probably should have been addressing why they weren't meeting people in their own town,

Because all the people in town are horrible

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

How about "Can I get sriracha sauce, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?"

Chaki's "Sauce Boss" to thread!

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Earth girls are easy. Saturn is where the action is.

― Ally C (Ally C), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Back home in Alabama, I was incredibly homosexual.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 25 August 2004 00:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Earth girls are easy. Saturn is where the action is.

http://www.clotho.com/staff/glenn/default_links/comics_links/covers/saturncoverbig.jpg

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Sloan are a very inconsistent live act.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 01:40 (twenty-one years ago)

NYLON the magazine is named after New York and London, like the show. There is no copywright issue over titles of things.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 05:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I know there's no copyright. I actually had thought that the original material had taken its named from NY and London, for some reason. Du Pont apparently say this isn't so. Maybe the magazine had infected my brain.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 06:50 (twenty-one years ago)

(ah, OK, I'm not the only one)

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 06:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"Now You've Lost, Old Nippon"

!!!

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay! NY:Lon!

I made notes, they don't make much sense:

* Dear American girl I gave all my money to, I love you I think
* Loft apartment - Capital City - Random annoying kid
* Preganant Ex - Dead junkie
* Crappy Strokes-esque band
* Everywhere looks better at night
* Crazy British stalker guy!!
* Kurt from Teachers
* His buzz was totally harshed - followed by old cliche of "tomorrow, I might be dead"
* I didn't find the main guy so punchable after all, the main girl is still cute.
* Whisky in a paper bag, all New York apartments have those big metal fire escapes on the outside - I've seen Spiderman.
* The theme tune is total Dawson's rock.

Overall, it's fairly terrible. I LIKE IT.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

That is correct. See The Smoking Gun for juicy details of the restaurant's demise.

I want to believe that Nyla's collapse was a mob bust-out operation.

― Dickerson Pike (Dickerson Pike), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the "Bowie = gay" thing isn't really big in the States anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure some of the neighborhood heshers circa '82 or something would've said he was a "fag" (much in the same way they told an impressionable hstencil that the Police were "gay"), but I think the culture's changed a lot since then.

http://southsidecallbox.com/images/blackrandy.jpg

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a weird part where 'Open Up Your Heart' came on

i was going to mention to expect that, but i didn't want to be responsible for a SPOILER.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

the relationship being long-distance, the fuck is complicated

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

It depends how well-endowed you are.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

re: the relationship being long-distance, the fuck is complicated

there is Virtual Sex: Cam-to-Cam ....strip tease for the partner etc

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

DJ Martian, thanks for that image.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

are you guys in an LDR?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

What have I got myself into?

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

there is Virtual Sex: Cam-to-Cam ....strip tease for the partner etc

don't forget the "fuck u fuck me" peripheral

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 25 August 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

six months pass...
I just initiated a long distance relationship. I am so fucked.

― green uno skip card (ex machina), Sunday, 6 March 2005 21:17 (twenty years ago)

STUPID

― Ian John50n (orion), Sunday, 6 March 2005 21:23 (twenty years ago)

whan-whan-wha

― latebloomer: my cats are wobderful (latebloomer), Sunday, 6 March 2005 21:24 (twenty years ago)

This thread is great. Although I'm kind of embarrassed at the deep-down bitchiness in my two-years-ago post.

Does 50 miles count as LD in LDR terms? Not that I'm actually in one, but ... well, there's someone 50 miles away who knows I'm kind of interested.

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 6 March 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

THat's like trying to hit a baseball with a badminton racket, caitlin.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 6 March 2005 23:52 (twenty years ago)

I feel like I'm in a long-distance relationship with all my friends.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 7 March 2005 07:33 (twenty years ago)

There must be a series of novelty T-shirts, right? "I'm in a long-distance relationship with my... (brain)(sex life)(youth)(all the other dumb things novelty T-shirts joke about)".

If not, I am going to be soooo rich.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Monday, 7 March 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

Those last six words would make a pretty good t-shirt.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 7 March 2005 08:34 (twenty years ago)

Tracer's badminton post is sorta deep.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 7 March 2005 10:31 (twenty years ago)

I feel like I'm in a long-distance relationship with all my friends.

Frankly, I *am* - all my real-life friends live at least 150 miles away.

Tracer's badminton post is sorta deep.

I know *I* don't understand it.

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 7 March 2005 12:16 (twenty years ago)

(I am dire at all ball/racket sports. So clearly I'm doomed from the outset.)

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 7 March 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

What tracer meant was that a woman needs a fish, like a man needs a bicycle.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 7 March 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...
: /

― c/n (Cozen), Saturday, 25 June 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

50 miles isn't very long -- but then again, I'm in America and so distances aren't very compressed at all. It'd be nice if I had a relationship with someone who was within 50 miles of me!

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 25 June 2005 20:01 (twenty years ago)

50 miles is zilch. anyone less than three hours away does not count as long-distance.

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 25 June 2005 22:54 (twenty years ago)

Highly agreed.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 25 June 2005 23:06 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/34/Impossible_staircase.svg/372px-Impossible_staircase.svg.png

― roxymuzak, Thursday, 27 September 2007 07:25 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.cinemalogue.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/WB_LH_3638r.jpg
http://www.the-great-work.com/masters_clip_image001_0000.jpg

― chaki, Thursday, 27 September 2007 07:32 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.angeljustice.org/img/original/xl_1.jpg

― roxymuzak, Thursday, 27 September 2007 07:36 (eighteen years ago)

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/a/a8/Etjackson.jpg/180px-Etjackson.jpg

― chaki, Thursday, 27 September 2007 07:37 (eighteen years ago)

no interstellar distance could ever come between mj and et

― latebloomer, Thursday, 27 September 2007 07:39 (eighteen years ago)

but unfortunately et's speedball overdose could:-(

― latebloomer, Thursday, 27 September 2007 09:01 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

Hmph.

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:01 (seventeen years ago)

I'm completely crazy about her, but I'm also seeing sex in just about every woman I meet. She'll be away for over a year, and I will be able to visit her sporadically, but one month in and I'm feeling the strain. A further double-edged sword is that she totally loves me. Good in that she's definitely worth sticking with (she has just about every quality I could ask for in a girlfriend, barring perhaps insane impulsiveness), bad in that I wouldn't be able to break things off (if I wanted to) without feeling like complete shit. I don't want to at the moment, oh no, but I want her. Back. With me. Another thing is that I've made loads of verbal commitments to her, and if I'm gonna prove myself a real man, I'll have to honour them and see this out. But give it a few more months, and a few more provocative situations, and I might be wondering whether my hormonal wreck of a body is ready for monogamy yet.

N.B. I'm not gonna cheat on her. I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again. Unless she sanctions it, of course. ;)

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:12 (seventeen years ago)

Unless she sanctions it, of course. ;)

ban suggested

― Jordan, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:16 (seventeen years ago)

seconded

― MATT KEMP MADE FUN OF ME IN THE CLUBHOUSE (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:17 (seventeen years ago)

I meant her sanctioning me looking in the mirror! ;)

Seriously, though, both of you fuck off.

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:21 (seventeen years ago)

HURR HURR SOME EASY-TARGET POSTER JUST MADE A QUESTIONABLE JOKE AT THE END OF A CAREFULLY-WORDED SERIOUS POST HURR SUGGEST BAN HURR HURR

"Suggest Ban" is a dick move imo, and will always be

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:24 (seventeen years ago)

i don't usually actually click suggest ban, it's more the spirit of the thing. relax, dude.

― Jordan, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:29 (seventeen years ago)

http://images.cafepress.com/image/12541053_400x400.jpg

― Maverick (Mr. Que), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:29 (seventeen years ago)

anyway this will probably end in tears, but that's part of being 21, right?

― Jordan, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:30 (seventeen years ago)

ban suggested

― and what, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:31 (seventeen years ago)

ban implied

― s1ocki, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

Sorry, I'm just a bit uh er emotionally coiled this evening. What was the name of that "post-rock" band you were telling me to check out?

Yeah, well fortunately she's 25 so we got SOME maturity in this outfit! Ethan, you were always gonna suggest ban me, it's cool. :D

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

lou stay strong bro it's worth it

― a passion for posting (J0rdan S.), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.myspace.com/cougarsound

― Jordan, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

cheers jordans

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:34 (seventeen years ago)

louis if youre only one month in and you already are having trouble keeping your dick in your pants, you should probably just end it and save you both 6 months of terrible phone calls.

― max, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:34 (seventeen years ago)

I was serious. I thought you wanted to be perma-banned.

― MATT KEMP MADE FUN OF ME IN THE CLUBHOUSE (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:35 (seventeen years ago)

max might be right but you gotta let her know that you're having issues if you haven't yet

― a passion for posting (J0rdan S.), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:36 (seventeen years ago)

I think a good piece of advice is don't go to internet message boards for advice.

― MATT KEMP MADE FUN OF ME IN THE CLUBHOUSE (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:37 (seventeen years ago)

especially if you're letting the internet know about things you haven't told your girlfriend.

― horseshoe, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:37 (seventeen years ago)

don't worry, she'll see it on the ytmnd

― and what, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:39 (seventeen years ago)

Haha! I'm not having trouble keeping my dick in my pants, in that I haven't been SERIOUSLY tempted to make a move abroad. Also I'm gonna be visiting her quite a bit, flights to Germany are pretty cheap. In theory.

I've already told her that it's difficult and that I would ideally like to see more of her, it's not like we haven't chatted about this quite a bit.

As for the permaban request, that was in response to an emotional low, and another night fruitlessly posting in return for abuse. The mods argued wisely against it.

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:40 (seventeen years ago)

also lj, treat this like a thought experiment--you went what, 19 years without having sex? or whatever? if this girl is worth it, you can go another year. blaming your hormones isnt necc the best strategy--maybe you dont like her as much as you wish you did.

― max, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:40 (seventeen years ago)

I'm not having trouble keeping my dick in my pants, in that I haven't been SERIOUSLY tempted to make a move on a broad

― Jordan, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:41 (seventeen years ago)

This Cougar is fairly delectable fwiw.

Yeah, I realise now it wasn't wise bumping this thread, considering how ILX has changed since the initial posts here. Yet, Max, you gotta good point, and I'm regarding it as a challenge. I'm the one who pursued her, for a good long while, and I certainly like her more than most I've had a fancy for. We'll see.

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:43 (seventeen years ago)

"that was in response to an emotional low, and another night fruitlessly posting in return for abuse"

There are nights where your posts are fruitful? Or was the abuse fruitless that particular night?

― MATT KEMP MADE FUN OF ME IN THE CLUBHOUSE (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:43 (seventeen years ago)

he was abusing his fruit, one night

― Maverick (Mr. Que), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:44 (seventeen years ago)

louis, if you pursued her for 'a good long while' and made all sorts of promises to her, and then broke up with her after a couple months cause you wanted to have sex with some english chick, that makes you an asshole.

― max, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:45 (seventeen years ago)

Max, I said, I don't want to break up with her! It's just a potential strain! We've already been going out for over 3 months, btw.

Well, I joined ILX for the music. Despite everything else, ILM is pretty unparalleled as a resource of wisdom.

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:46 (seventeen years ago)

You didn't join to whine constantly about the state of your personal life? I bet no one here would've guessed that.

― MATT KEMP MADE FUN OF ME IN THE CLUBHOUSE (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:47 (seventeen years ago)

if you care about someone, don't post on the internet about how you're "seeing sex" in every other woman you meet! i'm assuming she doesn't know about ilx, but still.

― horseshoe, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:48 (seventeen years ago)

if you care about someone, don't post on the internet about how you're "seeing sex" in every other woman you meet! i'm assuming she doesn't know about ilx, but still.

― Maverick (Mr. Que), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:48 (seventeen years ago)

dont post on the internet about it, dont tell her friends about it, and please dont tell her about it.

― max, Friday, 3 October 2008 21:50 (seventeen years ago)

True, horseshoe, but she knows I'm a wistful ol' horndog, and I'm grateful she trusts me to override that fact and stay faithful. I'm gonna do it. Positive thoughts!

Now, before this turns into a horrendous crapshoot...

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Friday, 3 October 2008 21:51 (seventeen years ago)

What grown adult does this? unless you're in the military or travel often for your career.

― burt_stanton, Friday, 3 October 2008 22:03 (seventeen years ago)

JESUS CHRIST, KID

― El Tomboto, Friday, 3 October 2008 22:03 (seventeen years ago)

louis you need to get a diary or something

― goole, Friday, 3 October 2008 22:05 (seventeen years ago)

I'll have iCal remind me in a couple of weeks to unlock this thread.

― I'm the wire monkey, not the soft monkey (Rock Hardy), Friday, 3 October 2008 22:08 (seventeen years ago)

time to break up

― homosexual II, Friday, 3 October 2008 22:08 (seventeen years ago)


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