How should I flirt?

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I'm sort of serious about this. When I try to flirt with a guy, he looks at me as if I had just asked "What time is it?" in fluent Urdu. And whenever I fall for a guy he just wants to be friends; evidently these men never perceive me as a woman with whom they could have a relationship, or simply don't perceive me as a woman.
:^p

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

This is hard to answer, not knowing you. For instance, could it be that you're misinterpreting the way that they seem to be misinterpreting you?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know. All I know is that they seem not to respond at all, rather than responding either sincerely or jokingly.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:11 (twenty-two years ago)

dude if someone asked me 'what time is it?' in fluent urdu i'd be so psyched!! (i would respond in german obv)

― geeta, Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

whip 'em out!

― Tad (llamasfur), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha geeta and I are on the same wavelength.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:16 (twenty-two years ago)

evidently these men never perceive me as a woman with whom they could have a relationship, or simply don't perceive me as a woman.

This was my adolesence in a nutshell.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.centralfloridaymca.org/images/help-suicide.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

di's stupid guide to unsuccessful flirting: run away with a really red face.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I think most women find it easier to flirt when they're drunk.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:41 (twenty-two years ago)

yes but the downside is that our drunken-flirting is often pretty meaningless.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's how you tell the real Dada from the fake one: the real one posts stuff in places where it's not welcome.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I am the fake Dada, BTW. Not the real one. Those with IP-checking priveleges can confirm this.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:45 (twenty-two years ago)

selfconscious flirting is probably not going to work...or is it?

― gaz (gaz), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:46 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.i-mockery.com/goodpics/mrt-4-prez.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 10 July 2003 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Today I was on an el platform and this pretty cute college-age girl (with baby blue shoes about which I'm very ambivalent) was also on the platform. When I came on she moved over to perch on the back of a bench right next to me and kept turning around and fidgeting and so forth. Also humming to herself faintly, which struck me as odd. When the train came she waited conspicuously until I sat down and then sat a seat over from me, but she didn't say anything. She did keep humming to herself and every now and then seemingly mumbling a bit. At one point she was staring out the window for a while and when the train began pulling away from a station she sprang to attention and quietly but firmly said, "Oh dear." And then she resumed humming (very faintly) and said one or two other things that were scarcely intelligible. It was an entertaining performance.

OK so the moral here is this is not the right way to flirt.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

That would've worked on me.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Thursday, 10 July 2003 04:46 (twenty-two years ago)

amateurist i think you just ignored someone's garbled cries for psychiatric help

― Josh (Josh), Thursday, 10 July 2003 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I quite like crazy girls. Always gets me in trouble.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i hear ya brother

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:04 (twenty-two years ago)

amateurist, she was *so* flirting with you.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Boys often like crazy girls when they first meet them but then later the boys gets tired of all the craziness and shout jeeringly at the girls that they are crazy.

― estela (estela), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:16 (twenty-two years ago)

you know what they say about somewhere being a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there... it's like that.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, that's right. It's like visiting the fun park and going on all the rides and having a crazy colourful good time - but then after a while the place really starts to freak you out - all the clowns, the ghost train - and you just want to go home and sleep.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm sorry for sidetracking your thread, j.lu...

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:36 (twenty-two years ago)

the fun park analogy could be made about every relationship ever, whether with sane people or not.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i dunno, a good relationship is more like your favourite coffeeshop

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm stretching things a bit now i think

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:42 (twenty-two years ago)

You should flirt in such a way that car alarms throughout the neighborhood go off.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:42 (twenty-two years ago)

J.Lu, a great way to lose self-consciousness if you're not a habitual drunk is to flirt with the other party as if _they're_ flirting with _you_.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Boys often like crazy girls when they first meet them but then later the boys gets tired of all the craziness and shout jeeringly at the girls that they are crazy.

Here's my problem:

Once this girl came to my door looking for one of my housemates. She smiled. She giggled. She flirted, even. She obviously thought I was cute. And I thought she was... *breathtaking*. I was in *love*. I had erotic dreams about her *that night*.

Cut to two weeks later, when the roomate she was looking for is telling me this story: he left town for three days. When he came back, he went over to her place, and found her curled in a corner. She hadn't eaten for three days. She hadn't eaten since he'd left. She was waiting to eat until he came back. The girl was wildly unstable, and probably very stupid on top of this.

This was a near miss for me. One sideways glance, one small changed circumstance, and I would have been in bed with this girl. Man... I still might. The attraction was that powerful. But she was crazy, you see. And here I am left wondering if I was somehow attracted to her *because* she was crazy, because I could smell crazy on her and I wanted it BAD, because maybe that's, like, my thing. It's a disturbing thought. And judging from most of my other girlfriends, I wouldn't put it past myself.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 06:12 (twenty-two years ago)

*Prints out Kenan's post, goes to corner, curls up, drools.*

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 July 2003 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't eat when i'm *happy*. i also don't really like crazy girls, or extroverts for that matter.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 06:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Sigh. I was going to write something about dismissing girls as "crazy" because they are too strong for boys' fragile egos, but then again, man, Kenan, that chick is just nuts.

For every girl that has been dismissed as "crazy" for reasons of male ego, there is some boy somewhere who will delight in that "craziness". Unforunately, this also works for true craziness. Or, erm, something.

As to the original question, J-Lu, I don't know what to tell you. If you flirt too subtly, men don't notice. If you flirt too obviously, men think you are a "slut" (see the "crazy" argument above for the origin of that term) and want nothing to do with you in the way that *you* want.

Then again, men have this problem, too. The first night that I met HSA, I refused to believe that he was flirting with me, partly because I was distracted by an asshole, and partly because I just didn't believe that he could be flirting with me.

Anyway, that's a completely useless post, isn't it?

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 07:33 (twenty-two years ago)

it doesn't have the "answer", kate, (if there is one) but i think its very pertinent. i wish i could give you good advice on this topic, j.lu, but i am afraid that i am useless at flirting.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 10 July 2003 07:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i have a pretty bad understanding of what flirting is.
isn't it just chatting? i vaguely imagine it to be a sort of US 'dating' vs UK 'er random going out with someone' sort of thing. y'know like, ritualised flirting ("lets flirt: on your marks....") vs awkward conversation, misunderstanding certain glances etc. the former being a sort of States-style thing, and the latter UK. Do British people 'flirt'?
is this too simplistic?

― ambrose (ambrose), Thursday, 10 July 2003 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Flirting is more than just chatting to someone, or even chatting someone up. I feel like there should be a great quote about what flirting is but I don't have it. I love flirting, as I probably said here here and here:

flirting
Stay Right There Tiger Flirting vs. Come Hither Flirting
STOP FLIRTING

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 08:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I suppose there is confusion as there seem to be (at least) two different meanings for flirting...

1) Light-hearted and therefore non-threatening expression of sexual or romantic interest (Flirting With Intention, chatting someone up)

2) Sexually charged banter without specific romantic or sexual intention

Sometimes Situation 2 is used as a precursor to, or sort of verbal "feeling out" to see if a party is receptive to Situation 1. But sometimes it is simply a little bit of diverting fun or amusement.

I was under the impression that J-Lu was asking about Situation 1. In some people's experience, practice at Situation 2 makes them better at Situation 1. Situation 2 is often easier, as there is no pressure, and there's no "brainfarting" Holmstrom Effect.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 08:55 (twenty-two years ago)

>It's like visiting the fun park and going on all the rides and
>having a crazy colourful good time - but then after a while the
>place really starts to freak you out - all the clowns, the ghost
>train - and you just want to go home and sleep.

This sounds like one of Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts (tm).

― squirl plise, Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah my problem kate is i can't decide whether i find situation 1 or 2 more threatening....

― ambrose (ambrose), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

and the (sad) fact is that flirting cannot be analyzed.
it just happens between two people if they have the right
chemistry.

that's not very helpful is it? well, this might b
j lu: most men are stupid about whether a girl likes him.
they're either stupid or their overly suspicious - it's a
reflex some of us get from thinking that a girl likes us
and then finding out she's just being friendly

so anyway, if you like a guy, romantically - say something.
say I LIKE YOU, or grab his hand or something. do something
obvious like that, most guys (in my experience) are not
turned off by boldness.

― skwerl puhlise, Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

do something obvious like that, most guys (in my experience) are not turned off by boldness.

This is not always true in my experience. It really depends on the guy. And it depends on what you want from him.

(One could say that men who are turned off by boldness are unlikely to be interested in and/or able to handle me as a long-term partner anyway, so I should just abandon the thought but... ah well.)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

example of my 'flirting' - asking future girlfriend "how do you ask a girl out? I dont get it etc"...with her thinking "ask me!"

― ambrose (ambrose), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

it just happens between two people if they have the right
chemistry.

Skwert, this ignores the problem of 'the flirt'. Some people are just flirtatious per se, because they enjoying wielding that power, or because it bolsters their self-esteem, or just because they find interacting that way fun. Which it is, as long as no one gets hurt. Whatever the reason, in these cases it doesn't really signify any chemistry at all, unless you were to argue that these people just have chemistry with everyone.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

example of my 'flirting' - asking future girlfriend "how do you ask a girl out? I dont get it etc"...with her thinking "ask me!"

This is the WORST way of flirting, ever, in my opinion. Go and search out the entire Hilton Betelgeuse debacle for my experiences of how utterly confusion-making and ego-shredding and awful this method of flirting is.

I mean, if it's worked for you, fair enough. But In My Experience, it is a MAJOR dud.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, it is rubbish.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

well, two/three weeks ago I was waiting for the train and across the rails this girl sat down and within a minute was smiling at me and just looking at me, her eyes fixed. I was reading a book, when I looked up I kept eye contact, gave a smile for a bit then i got down to that book again, looked up and she was still at it, her friend sitting next to her laughing. the first time anyone has done that as far as i know.

I guess she prob wouldn't have done it if we were in the same platform.

bah. I hate flirting (if that's what it was).

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

N, "the flirt" rarely realizes they're "the flirt" !
it's outsider perspectives that you're talking about.
i get accused of flirting quite often yet I never really
intend to. i'm just having a conversation with someone
of the opposite sex, and enjoying myself.

― squirl plise (Squirrel_Police), Thursday, 10 July 2003 10:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know about 'rarely', but yeah. That doesn't change my point about chemistry though.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

can i just echo skewl puhlse re his comments
on reflexes based on past experiences
of grrls turning out to be friendly and the usefulness
of giving signs/signals. yes yes yes. he's exactly right
and he's also right when he says boys like that/want that.

because in the words of the great man

"you can never really te-eell when somebodee
wants something you-u waaaant too"

― piscesboy, Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

remember the platitude - "go ahead and ask. the worst that will
happen is they will say no" and the best that will happen is,
well, the opposite, whatever you want. better than half-trying
and feeling frustrated and wondering if you could have taken things a step farther

― squirl plise (Squirrel_Police), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

''remember the platitude - "go ahead and ask. the worst that will
happen is they will say no"''

waht if they say no and you have to see them every day?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:38 (twenty-two years ago)

son : 'daddy'
daddy : 'yes son ?'
son : 'what does regret mean' ?
daddy : 'well son, the funny thing about regret is
it's better to regret something you *have* done rather
than something you *haven't* done'.

amen.

― piscesboy, Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Julio, who cares? It's not that bad, honest. As long as you don't keep on asking/hoping.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm not saying that after flirting with a girl from work and feeling a connection you should take her aside and say "let's get it on baby, i'm an orgasm machine," i just mean go ahead and try to talk to her, it's worth a try, and if you get brushed off - whatever! ask her out, if she says 'no', whatever! just pretend nothing ever happened and move on.

i guess it all depends on how sensitive or shy one is julio - not that those are bad things!

― squirl plise (Squirrel_Police), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

''son : 'daddy'
daddy : 'yes son ?'
son : 'what does regret mean' ?
daddy : 'well son, the funny thing about regret is
it's better to regret something you *have* done rather
than something you *haven't* done'.''

*goes into butthole surfers guitar riff*

''Julio, who cares? It's not that bad, honest''

er, friendships might be spoilt. is that bad?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

If you want to flirt, you have to be comfortable talking to the person (I'm talking about verbal rather than visual - I crease with embarrassment if anyone flirts with me visually. The only thing that works is prolonged or obvious eye contact and see whether they keep eye contact or, even better, look away then look back, but anyway). Throwing in semi-jokey compliments *when appropriate* and being open, maintaining eye contact and showing interest. It's not a million miles from how you should be with anyone whose company you enjoy, just maybe slightly more so in these areas.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I always think Mark C wants to get in my pants.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 11:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never ever understood how this works. Not that it really matters now that I'm not single, but I still feel like I must be pretty socially inept to have never even figured it out.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 10 July 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

ambrose yr flirtin' when you should be chirpsin'!

― Chip Morningstar (bob), Thursday, 10 July 2003 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Only to chop it off, Nick.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

kate that wasnt a joke: i was in no way trying to flirt, indeed i never have done. I was trying to point out how hopelessly i read other peoples signs/feelings/etc. i just wanted to know from her, as a girl, her advice. i had only known her a week.

― ambrose (ambrose), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

j.lu, some serious advice: Dress real slutty. And don't wear no underpants.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

And the male equivalent of that advice is: dress real nice. And wear your best boxers.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

firting is not hard is u r naked, but really isn't all this just a social convention left over from victorian times ? wait, earlier

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

my advice: don't.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I just had the mentalist idea of anouncing to the object of your flirtation that you are about to flirt with them and then making robot noises and chanting "FLIRT... FLIRT.... FLIRT..." until the run from the room crying. I will come back to the thread when I have advice that is designed to be helpful rather than designed to make me giggle.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

er, friendships might be spoilt. is that bad?

It's not much of a friendship if you can't admit to them you think they're a hottie. Either it's a good strong friendship and it will survive the revelation (as long as you don't keep asking and asking and begging and whining to hook up, but it might survive that too, who knows) or it's a weak friendship and then, well, who cares? You can make other weak friendships pretty easily.

And if it's a coworker and they say no, you get them fired.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

''And if it's a coworker and they say no, you get them fired.''

okey dokey.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean you have to be smooth about it of course.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

er, friendships might be spoilt. is that bad?

More than once a man I craved wouldn't get involved with me for this reason. Therefore this concept makes me reach for my revolver, so to speak.

In the meantime, thanks for the advice. It really is a Bad Thing for me to start threads late in the evening, as this shows.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

nothing good has ever come of flirting for me, even it in involved sweaty bare backed rumpy pumpy

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

In the age of speed-dating, perhaps flirting in the traditional sense is like driving a traction engine up the motorway. The effective way to flirt these days is to be obviously salacious, which has about a one in five success rate, from my observation, which is better odds than a train arriving on time. If you fancy a bloke just tell him you'd like to fuck him. You don't have to do so, by the way, but it clears the air.

Jake Proudlock.

― Jake Proudlock, Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Jake, I would like to fuck you.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris, you forgot the part about the light from the monitor...

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

''I mean you have to be smooth about it of course.''

that's a tough one for sure but fair enough.

''Therefore this concept makes me reach for my revolver, so to speak.''

*shoots at 'concept' of flirting*

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

*shoots at 'concept' of flirting*

No, at being offered friendship instead of love.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

no no flirting is a dud, like i said in my first post.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Then how do people hook up in your world?

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I am hopeless at this, especially for real - i.e. I really only do it with people who I know won't take me seriously, generally because I'm like twice their age or something. I hope they don't take me seriously anyway, or they will think me a terrible creep and probably rather sinister. I also am oblivious to anyone doing it to me, or I assume it is just a joke. My basic principle of assessing people: if they are intelligent, interesting, likeable and attractive they are clearly out of my class. So if they are flirting with me, they are clearly just playing and having fun.

There are ways of moving on, I think - something like "do you mind my flirting with you?" will usually get a good indication of whether the person is hating it, having fun or getting excited, and will certainly make it clear that you are deliberately flirting with this one person specifically.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

i have been involved in txt sms flirting for a week now and i disgust myself.

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I would like to endorse the phrase "rumpy pumpy."

― ben welsh (benwelsh), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Kya wakt hai?

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

''Then how do people hook up in your world?''

i suppose you just tell a person you like 'em yadda yadda but that's fucking diff for me as well.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Uhren sind die Arbeit des Teufels.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

myot shikan imnika?

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

nan jikan desu ka?

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

que hora es?

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

voulez-vous couchez avec toi?

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

ce soir?

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

hahaha avec MOI.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Da dilly qua qua?!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

dude my fucking level one german book doesn't have 'Teufels' in it, WTF

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Kein Teufel macht kein SPASS.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

gli orologi non sono divertimento.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

how long before somebody quotes Manu Chao on this thread?
(sorry J.lu)

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I would like to endorse the phrase "rumpy pumpy."

Is "rumpy" an adjective describing "pumpy," or is it... like... the direct object?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm the king onf Bongo Baby I'm the king of Bongo Bong"

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

OK so that's mano negra but hey, he was in them.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yes Ed exactly what I was thinking

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

" Welcome to Tijuana,
Tequila, sex or marijuana"

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Ich bin ein Roboter! Sie fürchten meinen glänzenden metallenen Körper!

WTF is Tad for all of this btw?

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Ich bin die *********
mit miene kliene taschenrenner

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Ich bin der Musikant
Taschenrechner in die Hand

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

aiiiiIIIISHIKURUOA!!
dogilaurul suji ANDWEI!!!

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Jetzt ist die Zeit auf dieser Nachricht, wo wir tanzen.

http://www.williams.edu/dance/images/spiderman.gif

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Was auch immer. Ich halte, babelfish zu verwenden. Arschloche.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

serious mindfuck

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally: nicht "wenn wir tanzen"?

J.Lu: I have no sensible advice on flirtation as I suck at it.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

juyusorul dashi subkyok haja.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

nja ihmbra shamouti

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I was about to suggest sucking at it as a mode of flirtation but again that would be more geared towards making me giggle than actually helping. Perhaps you could employ the "flattery-as-flirtation" techinique ("Oh, have you been working out? Mmmm, those arms! Yeah baby, work it!" etc).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

learn a foreign language.

but yes, its a stupid little game. i refuse to play.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Babelfish gives really shit translations, dude. And yeah, Dan, I know I fucked that one up PLEASE FORGIVE ME considering I have no German training besides listening to Kraftwerk and some CDs I bought with Germans going "Wo is das Krankenhaus?" "Das Krankenhaus ist en Muenchen". Like wtf do I care if the hospital is in fucking Munich? Ain't helping me here, buddy.

Encuentro la locura atractiva. Pero no en trabajo. Pendejos.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

(J.lu, I'm sorry we have no good advice to offer. Have you tried hitting people or talking to them in bad versions of foreign languages?)

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

no shit babelfish gives shitty xlations! You should try it on an Asian language sometime!

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

denki no merodi

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Ta dvesuska ljubit tu.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the message here is if you just be yourself and don't try to "flirt" or play a game it should all come naturally - I don't think two people can just meet and start to 'flirt' as if it's a sport they've always practiced, it just works sometimes and most of the time it doesn't.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Aw, no helpful hints herein. And I was really hoping to pick some up here too.

*puts away notepad and pen*

(y'see, in other words, I'm hopeless in this endeavor as well)

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

ya soshla s uma

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

simply starting up a conversation with a member of the opposite sex is usually all it takes. This is why smoking is great.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Asian language translation things are hellish. As far as I'm concerned, this is the entire reason for translations like "Happy go fun boom show happy time GO!" from Japanese tv to English.

(please note, that's how I talk like all the time)

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Adnu blin stari nevski bezshalsta.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

"all it takes" meaning all you need to do to see where you're going - if you start flirting and don't realize it, great. If you don't flirt and instead get bored with one another in a hurry, then, well, duh

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Joei hates it when I flirt with her because it invariably takes the form of me tickling her to see the cute expressions of distress on her face.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

It so hard to flirt because you have to try.

― kayT (kaytee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

If you have to try then I don't think you're talking to the right person. If I feel myself actually trying to flirt, I immediately hate the person I'm "flirting" with.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

flirting is a conscious decision - don't give me that crap

― kayT (kaytee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think I've ever flirted with anybody.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally flirts in her sleep.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.cs.uni-magdeburg.de/~twendlan/freeware/cletus.gif

― Dada, Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

how contrived.

― kayT (kaytee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, sometimes you flirt because the context and the chemistry are just right. This has happened perhaps three times in my entire life, and the only time it led into a relationship, several months later he got cold feet and gave me the "let's just be friends" line.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Was that a conscious decision?

― kayT (kaytee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Which of these various actions? Between the initial flirting and the dumping, each time I chose to go to the next level, because it felt right at the time.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Cletus is making me uncomfortable.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

that's not flirting that is a combination of pragmatism and a desire for excitement or change.

― kayT (kaytee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

FLIRT AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Even if flirting is a conscious decision, being flirtatious often isn't; if you can't see the distinction, you probably wouldn't be good at it.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I flirt, but I'm pretty subtle about it. A lot of guys are so in love with themselves they can't imagine anyone else not also being in love with them, so they interpret any attention they get as "she wants me." If you can throw a sly glance and a knowing smile in their direction while they're looking, there's really not much else you need to do.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought guys were doing that more because of wishful thinking, not because of vanity. At least where I'm from.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

there's that too.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Are we really in the age of "speed dating" like Jake said? I'm scared.

― Mandee, Friday, 11 July 2003 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Argh! I was sitting on a bench reading and waiting for a friend when this really cute girl with incredible blue eyes walked past me and smiled and kept looking at me and smiling as she walked past and I looked at her and sort of smiled I think but I was scared because I'm hopeless when it comes to women so I glanced at her a few times and kept smiling and I almost said something but I couldn't decide what to say (is it enough to say hi I think you're really pretty can I call you sometime, or what's your name, or are you a writer (this is Iowa City, everyone's a writer)) but she kept on walking and this was all before my friend arrived so I probably had enough time to catch her and introduce myself, which she probably might have found endearing, but I just let her walk away.
Argh!

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 11 July 2003 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

*furiously jots down notes, anecdotes, etc.*

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Hm, good idea. Let me know if you have any good ones to share.

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 11 July 2003 01:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Watch Desmond Morris documentaries for flirting tips!

― rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:06 (twenty-two years ago)

j.lu - I gave-up flirting (or, rather, fumbling with flirting and feeling like an inept idiot and all of that self-esteem-destroying stuff) a while ago. I replaced it with good, basic conversations - and out of those flirting sometimes occurs, but it's not the first intention or the first thing that I go for.

This is a rather sexist thing for me to say *ducking in preparation for the responses* but the easiest way, I think, to get into the mind of a man, is by stroking his ego. I don't mean that "Oh, you big hunk of burning love" lines (never been able to deliver them with a stright face), but rather the "Yes" and "How interesting" and so forth - get them talking - but don't feign interest - be real about it. Once they're to the point of thinking "gosh, she must really like me - she's listening to me like she's interested and making me feel comfortable" you've established the ground-work for a relationship to grow from.

If you just want sex, then be direct - most (yes, most - not all!) men are pretty bowled over when a female approaches them directly - it can take a good amount of self-esteem building to get to that point, but I've never had it not work.

But if you're looking for something more serious, then be yourself - if flirting isn't you, then don't push it - be your wonderful, cheerful, witty self and relax - you'll start putting out the "I'm comfortable with myself and I know that I am desirable and loveable and pretty darn wonderful" vibrations, and those are extremely attractive traits, I feel.

As far as the "good friends instead of love" goes (I think that was how it was put up thread), I agree that that totally sucks - but I also wonder if that shouldn't read "good friends instead of a sexual and/or romantic relationship" - though I've found that I cannot be long-term attracted to someone unless they are first and foremost a friend and confidant - then at some point, if I need to make the move toward something more sexual or intimate, then I will - don't always expect the man to make the first move - trust me, they're as afraid of rejection as we are. But we've got something that they want (or that most of them want) - we're female. We're already ahead in the game.

Anyway, good luck with it all - and don't settle for anything less than what you want.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Simple advice to chicks - if you want to give up the pussy just be as obvious as possible! Really. And if you don't want me to tell anyone afterwards, that's not a problem, I won't be offended.

― dave q, Friday, 11 July 2003 07:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm fed up with these stupid games. Fed up with the bullshitting, the downward cast of the eyes when they see what I look like, the forced smiles, the constant texting, the constant looking at the watch. And, with one exception who truly is the exception which proves the rule, "friends only" never works, and if you were friends already then that relationship can't go back to what it was.

I don't want to "flirt." I'm not going to apologise for or hide who or what I am. I am a widower. I suffer from clinical depression. That's how it is. I am a sick, wounded animal. I just want someone who can understand that, can accept that, and can maybe help me enjoy life again. Maybe I need a nursemaid more than I need a partner. I don't know.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:17 (twenty-two years ago)

''If you just want sex, then be direct - most (yes, most - not all!) men are pretty bowled over when a female approaches them directly - it can take a good amount of self-esteem building to get to that point, but I've never had it not work.''

so what abt the other way round?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I find that flirting works well if you pretend you're leaving town the next day, 11 AM checkout, have to be at the club for load-in by 5.

― hstencil, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:23 (twenty-two years ago)

how is the tour h? having a good time?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:24 (twenty-two years ago)

well, the flirting hasn't been bad, but goddamn am I horny.

― hstencil, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:29 (twenty-two years ago)

b-b-but you're a grade a pussyhound!

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:29 (twenty-two years ago)

wait - are you still in canada?

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:29 (twenty-two years ago)

also, weirdly enough, I ran into two dudes I know from fucking Louisville tonight in Vancouver.

― hstencil, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Canadian girls = super-hot, but weirdly frigid. Maybe they get sluttier in the winter?

― hstencil, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:30 (twenty-two years ago)

also, not staying at the hotels with the free adult movies in Kamloops last night = my worst decision as tour manager, so far.

― hstencil, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

okay, serious answer: flirting online is the way to go!

(hi again kate!)

― hstencil, Friday, 11 July 2003 08:34 (twenty-two years ago)

(stence you don't want to go there)

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:47 (twenty-two years ago)

the looking at em, then looking away, then looking at em, then looking away gambit deserves a ditto if it's been mentioned yet.

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 11 July 2003 08:47 (twenty-two years ago)

The five point plan as told by Mike Damone:

First of all, you never let on how much you like a girl.
"Oh, Debbie. Hi."

Two, you always call the shots.
"Kiss me. You won't regret it."

Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?"

Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice."

And five, now this is the most important. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

continued....

It's never too soon...
A girl decides how far she's gonna let you go in the first five minutes. You start from the minute you walk in a room. I mean don't just walk in, you move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

That's the attitude! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Punctuation is sexy.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothing gets me going faster than a woman walking up to me and saying ";:'.,.?!.()-_-!`'().,.;:''""'" PHWOAR

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark C do you like periods and colons?

― estela (estela), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, do you mind answering this for me? Thanks!

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

dan perry likes women who sing autechre songs to him

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Or strip to "Throw Your Foot".

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

colon = two periods on top of each other

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

― estela (estela), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

For the rest of my life, smileys are going to represent something quite horrible.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

My work here is done

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Heavens, Nick, that's terrible ;)

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:01 (twenty-two years ago)

.Nick: (Nick's worst nightmare; trapped between a period and a colon)

(haha ; = a winking colon!)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, we had to go there?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

It is my sworn duty to go to the colon.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I Wanna Fu...you know what, I'm just not going to do that.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

My precious emoticons are forever soiled.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Heavens! I wink my colon at you ;-)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Heavens! Dan, I hate you. ;)

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

six months pass...

REVIVE!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

(I hate my non-contributions to this thread. I mean, geez, there were quite a few "Wow, that sounds like a good idea" or "That sounds like a good point" posts that were made before I posted. I'm doing much better at closely reading what's on each thread, FYI.)

― As Sweet As Melody (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 17 January 2004 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Oooh, ooh. I'd like some help with this too. I'm too shy to EVER talk to girls unless they approach me first. Too scared of mumbling something about creamed corn and mason jars.

Also, sometimes I get drunk and say things like "Hey, wanna make out?" or "Can we make babies later?"

― Ian Johnson (orion), Saturday, 17 January 2004 04:20 (twenty-two years ago)

learn from the master

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 17 January 2004 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never flirted with anyone in my life.

― East Bay Crackhaus (nordicskilla), Saturday, 17 January 2004 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

It sounds fun, though.

― East Bay Crackhaus (nordicskilla), Saturday, 17 January 2004 04:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"Have you tried hitting them" is apparently the best asdvise I've ever given.

― Allyzay, Saturday, 17 January 2004 06:38 (twenty-two years ago)

HEY I HUNG OUT WITH A GIRL AND IT WENT OKAY!!!@!!

THNX GYZ YR LIF SVERS

― Ian Johnson (orion), Saturday, 17 January 2004 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I think flirting is kind of a distraction alot of the time. I mean like, I flirt all the time and it's funny etc but often it's just something you can hide behind to never actually make a move on someone you like. I guess it's the same as making jokes and things constantly so you don't have to talk frankly and normally about stuff, which I also do perhaps.

I think just as often when someone fancies someone they will NOT flirt with them, at least experience has taught me this somewhat.

As for people who flirt with everyone I have to say I find this quite attractive, there is at least one person I know who is unbelievably confident like this, I would say she makes most boys I know feel like they're the most special person in the world constantly. Even though you know she's like that with everyone it's kind of hard to not be a bit taken by a pretty girl kissing you and telling you she's missed you so much etc etc etc.

But I guess it's good for someone to be like that, maybe she does just really like everyone.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 18 January 2004 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

(I suppose I'm suggesting flirting and relationships or actual success are not really as closely linked as people might think, is this mentalism)

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 18 January 2004 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I sort of agree with Ronan in that I'll flirt excessively with a certain level of paranoia trying to guage if Ms. Target is breakable/in my league/humoring me. The time spent feeling out can often make all parties so much less comfortable than just being a pig.

Daylight flirting can be rather circuitous and baffling. I think the elusive "am I indie" borderline has nothing to do with music but rather if you have the patience to do the bookstore glance->wow->headup head down->glance->oh shit->beamer->heheh->oh fuck seeya->wistful internet report process. It often perplexes and defeats me. Even more soul-crushing in its glancingness is on the sidewalk when you get the once-over and the unmistakable 'I'd rather enjoy your COCK about now' sneer-smile and you're like, What, am I supposed to turn around like an idiot and skip up behind her? "Wait up, wait up! Heheh, uhhh...." Nighttime flirting is a bit better because you just can plant yourself in your target's peripheral vision and be happy givin er and if you get a glance that somehow turns into Let's Go, "it's a bonus".

― Le Coq (DarrenK), Sunday, 18 January 2004 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno how to do the smiling thing. Whenever people gaze at me, on the tube especially, the best I can offer in return is a Frank Specer grin or shitting-my-pants grimace.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Sunday, 18 January 2004 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Just be yourself and continue talking about the relative merits of stirling engines when compared to other thermal engines.

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 18 January 2004 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

How to flirt with a guy: Kiss him hard on the lips... few blokes say no. Unless you look a bit rough. And even then, just aim for a very drunk guys. Blokes don't discriminate. Choosy guys like me are in the minority.

How to flirt with a girl: If you're aiming for someone really hot there is not set way. In fact, the only way to pull a really hot chick is to try hard to get to know her. Try REALLY hard, in fact, and dedicate all your time to it. It's a bitch but, hey, that's life.

― C-Man (C-Man), Sunday, 18 January 2004 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose I'm suggesting flirting and relationships or actual success are not really as closely linked as people might think, is this mentalism

i agree. flirting's fun and i think i do it well, but more often than not the give-and-take of positive attention is just another pleasant way to pass the time.

― lauren (laurenp), Sunday, 18 January 2004 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

flirting is for hookers

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 18 January 2004 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Just stand about and let someone come to you. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

― C-Man (C-Man), Sunday, 18 January 2004 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

eight months pass...

Dear my body,

Hi. I'm sorry to bother you about this again, but it's just something I feel like me won't really see eye to eye until we thrash out.

It's about the touching thing, as I'm sure you've guessed. Specifically the cute-single-plausibly-interested-girl-touching-us-on-legs-and-shoulders-etc-in-a-vaguely-flirty-way thing. I'm not saying we have to lean in, or anything like that, but, well, the flinching idea just really isn't working out for us. I know it was fine, before, but times have changed since the whole big puberty fiasco. They really have, and you're going to have to accept it one day, you know.

Best, as ever,
Greg

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

flirting is for hookers
I miss jess

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

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