Thoughts on the American Man-Purse

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I'm seeing more and more man-purses everyday. The functionality aspect makes sense, but there is a certain American machismo which prevents widespread adoption. Maybe there is a good metrosexual term for this, but I'm unfamiliar with it. Even 'man bag' seems like tipping your hand a bit, trying to masculinize a inherently feminine accessory.

At the bar the other night some friends and I were trying to come up with a workable name. The best I could come up with was 'cock bag'. This takes man bag to its logically hilarious extreme effectively short-circuiting any kind of sex-bias judgement call. What say you?

Also: C/D

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

example picture please!

― Skottie, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

You prob'ly already know full well that I'm on the "classic" side of the man-purse ("murse") divide, dude.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Taking sides: Man-Purses vs. the more ubiquitous (in indie boy circles) Record Bag?!??!

― kate (kate), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

And if it were wanting some kinda mainstream American-man acceptance, it would have be marketed as functionality-as-primary-objective, ie it would sell well as something like "ALL PURPOSE MASCULINE UTILITY CARRY-ALL".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, but it needs to be one or two syllables to be effective.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

please, people, it's referred to in polite circles as the "Man Sack", you know, like for carrying groceries & stuff

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

If you need to have more stuff with you than you can carry in your pockets, you are not a real man. On my person at all times: wallet, keys, cellphone. What else would I possibly need? What would necessitate a purse?

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

If you need a man-purse, why not just go all the way and carry a baby to term in your uterus?

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Rekkid bags -- Do indie boyz still do that? I usedta. Had a big 'Screamadelica' thing painted on the side. For shame.

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.cube-interactive.net/images/metal_briefcase.jpg

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

What would necessitate a purse?
tampons? oh...wait...

― Skottie, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

bagosaurus!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.notempo.com/pavement/images/marcjacbosad2.jpg

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.notempo.com/pavement/images/marcjacobsad.jpg

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Well Malkmus needs one to carry his ego around, obv.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I like that all the American murses are gigantic though, like they know that men don't carry wussy shit like chapstick and tampons and need to go wholehog carrying around like days worth of changes of clothes and whole BOXES of condoms and there's even a side cooler compartment for beer & meat.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I love my satchel.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Alternatives to the Man-Purse for the real man:
* An SUV.
* A black plastic Hefty bag.
* A bandana tied to the end of a stick hobo-style.
* Raver pants.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

FUCK.

I thought that photo of Malk was of me aged 17. it's flipping uncanny. Heart attack!

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

* Raver pants

"real man?" WTF raver pants != real man on my planet. Now if you want to bust out a pair of boot-cut carhart work denims that is of course completely acceptable and much more pragmatic.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom's post: Steel briefcase with handcuff is another alternative.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Real Men Don't Eat Quiche But Do Wear Raver Pants

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(xpost) Perhaps you meant cargo pants?

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Real Men need raver pants and cosby sweaters.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Real men need raver pants to contain their enormous cocks.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

True.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to meet a real man with a badanana on a stick hobo-style.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Real men need raver pants to contain their enormous cocks.

Funk that. My enormous cock fits quite well in this steel case, too.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

a pair of boot-cut carhart work denims

is this tight jeans talk i'm hearin' ?

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

The one person I dated who owned raver pants was quite obviously not using them to carry an enormous cock, unless he had a spare one he just carried around.

Why do I keep posting about dick today? Anyway Nick is totally OTM about the hobo stick.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

the one person i knew who had raver pants had a 5 " cock so again, that assertion has been disproven

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

5" WHEN ERECT i might add

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The only person I've ever known who wore raver pants was a girl and she was hawtt.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF Vic, did you stand there with a ruler and wait for it? Maybe he was nervous, what with you standing there screaming "HURRY UP! HURRY UP! IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO!" the entire time.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

And that's supposed to be an abnormal size, Vic?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

surprisingly enough, i'm the first to mention "mangina" on this thread. but somehow, i know that i'm not alone in having "mangina" pop into me head when reading this thread's header.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

who was the photographer of the marc jacobs malkmus pics upthread?

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the point is that 5" is not an "enormous cock", Nichole.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

surprisingly enough, i'm the first to mention "mangina" on this thread. but somehow, i know that i'm not alone in having "mangina" pop into me head when reading this thread's header.

YES YOU ARE oh wait, I forgot about Yanc3y.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

hey! nichole i was responding to
Real men need raver pants to contain their enormous cocks.

- and 5" is not enormous if you're over puberty age, no?

And, um, I wasn't using a ruler or anything, but during this encounter I'll be the first to admit I was whispering (not screaming) "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO"...

..the problem indeed was that he hurried up a bit too much!!!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I knew someone who was 6'8", weighed in at a good 300, and he was packing a whopping 4".

I feel your pain, Vic.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

When does a laptop bag become a murse?

And why has laptop bags fallen behind pulling a freaking cart behind oneself in terms of business trends?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Gygax, I think it was Juergen Teller.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, you don't really need a ruler to recognize a 5" penis when you see one.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

All I am saying is I've seen far smaller.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

and 5" is not enormous if you're over puberty age, no?

Unfortunately, it's not. Could he make up for it with inventive use of his fingers, though?

I think the point is that 5" is not an "enormous cock", Nichole.

(I guessed that, Ally; I couldn't help making a sarky point, though it obv. went flat.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

he was very self-conscious about it too and at one point, i shit you not, even asked "is it big enough for you," and erm em argh argh erm aahhhh this is an emotionally bad thing for me to recall now and partially what i have to stop thinking about and why i started the disturbed thread!! i'm just going to go shower now and think of Casuistry's murse, and feel better

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Nicolars!

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

How do we find sex within man-purses?;> (Hijacking back to former topic)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

even asked "is it big enough for you"

I suppose yelling NO, THUMBDICK, IT'S NOT would have been bad form.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

You have to think of my what?!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

My ex-roommate once went out with this dude that she apparently found appallingly tiny. She described him as having "like a tiny microscopic cat tail instead of a dick". I was horrified and haunted by this for LIKE TWO YEARS.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha oh my god "thumbdick"!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

(I can't wait 'til Cprek returns and sees what has become of his thread.)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, nickalicious, it's not funny!

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

i've seen some porn pics where the guy's cock just looks like a little bitty KNOB. it's like, no different when it's flaccid, i suppose. i guess the only good thing about these are that they're hard to choke on

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

there are some concessions I'd rather not make

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, choking on large ones isn't exactly a common hazard either.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, you haven't been where i have..but then again you're not lacking common sense, etc. and don't tell me you've never gagged!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Years of bulimia=I no longer have a gag reflex.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

The image I have in my head now:

SOMEONE, DEAR GOD, HELP HER, SHE HAS A PENIS STUCK IN HER THROAT, OH GOD, SOMEONE, DOES ANYONE KNOW THE HEIMLICH?

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it just doesn't happen that often.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Though now I think I know what Lorena Bobbit should have done.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow that was way too much information. I am a total fagtog.

haha xpost, dude I had the misfortune of seeing the film The Sweetest Thing and that basically HAPPENS in that movie.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, I just grossed myself out.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus, and tis only 20 for you, Luna;>? Can't wait til the caffeine kicks in....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Caffeine? I don't need no stinkin' caffeine! I am on a halloween candy SUGAR RUSH.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

wow, so can u guys like, ingest those 10 inchers without blinking! i don't know if its envy i'm feeling, however

also dud: when people actually PRESS YOUR HEAD DOWN FURTHER when they can clearly see that you can't take ANY MORE IN wtf

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

That's when you reach up and yank down on their balls, Vic. Really, young jedi, you have so much to learn.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

wow i believe i *have embarrassed myself more on this single thread than almost any other in ile history, and worse than any other ileer

* of course, i'm beyond the emotion of embarrassment at this point. and i've actually posted worse revealing shit. i'm think i'm just trying to say that i'm too sober for this!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Years of bulimia=I no longer have a gag reflex.

Oh, man, bulimia just isn't the funnest way to lose your gag reflex.

Vic: Some people are excited by that moment. If you're not, let them know. (Use the balls if necessary.)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Casuistry: my one-man encyclopedia when it comes to gay.com sex!!!!!!!!!!!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Vic, Luna and I are actually professional pornographic actresses, sorry to disappoint.

re: Pressing head down further, luna OTM. See also: biting if necessary. And then beating in the face. I mean, I'm assuming we're meaning the push-head-down-then-hold-it-there asshole move, and not some kind of random passion accident but yeah. I had a boyfriend who would pull that shit ALL of the time. I was like, ok, you KNOW my issues, I do NOT like being in a forced/trapped position AT ALL, and if you do that ONE MORE TIME you are losing your scrotum, capiche? So obviously we broke up.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW is there a "fun" way to develop an immunity to the gag reflex??

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

My satchel is enjoying all this talk, no doubt.

also, if you were choking on dick, would you go have to ring up the neighbors to come in to perform the heimlich to cough up that knob? this means you should always have your cell phone at the ready.

"dude, you are never going to believe this ever, but i need you to come over right the fuck now. break in thru a window if you have to..."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, ally, was the break-up before or after the de-scroting?

imagine if divorce proceedings were this much fun!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

HOW WOULD YOU CALL FOR HELP WITH A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH??? THINK PEOPLE, THINK!!!!

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Caffeine? I don't need no stinkin' caffeine! I am on a halloween candy SUGAR RUSH.

Too bloody early, though! Can imagine your metabolism crash on 1st November;>

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

yes! another thing is when i try to laugh since they're saying stuff like "oh thats right, c'mon like a good boy, suck that cock" etc etc again and again ..but then i can't laugh because there's a wong in my mouth!! i don't NEED the verbal instructions, i don't think i'd FORGET what to do when your penis is in my mouth THANK YOU VERY MUCH! but of course before Casuistry chimes in, i know, i know - some people really get off on saying all that... to me its ok if its occassional, but if they keep saying it non-stop it becomes really distracting, and kind of hilarious. i'm not using your dick to brush my teeth i KNOW what i'm supposed to be doing with it!!

btw, oh venerable teahcers, what is a fagtog?

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

HOW WOULD YOU CALL FOR HELP WITH A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH??? THINK PEOPLE, THINK!!!!

"Mmmph! mnngh nnngh nehn mmmph! nnnh? nn! mghghgh lllnnnd phnn! Nnnn!"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

(dude, read the email addresses of people posting sometimes m'kay thanks bye)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

So, man-purses, huh?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

not that this isn't relevant to anything whatsoever, but i once had a housemate get so drunk, he called us from the inside the TOILET BOWL in the bathroom of our house, wondering where he was.

you could hear his voice revereberating offa the porcelain. seriously. how he got both his head and his cellphone to fit into that bowl was a mystery none of us had any desire to solve.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

another thing is when i try to laugh since they're saying stuff like "oh thats right, c'mon like a good boy, suck that cock" etc etc again and again

OK Vic, so have you been dating just like a lot of out-of-work porn actors or something? I can't even imagine being able to hold my shit together if someone said that to me. It would all be done at that point, I'd have to stop what I was doing, fall over laughing, and eventually die from lack of air while laughing.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

hunh. i guess that asphyxiation is involved either way? imagine being the coroner who had to write up THAT report.

"uhm, 'Cause of Death'... hmm. Okay, who thinks we should just put 'Death by Misadventure'? You do? Okay, good enough."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

(x-post)

another thing is when i try to laugh since they're saying stuff like "oh thats right, c'mon like a good boy, suck that cock" etc etc again and again ..but then i can't laugh because there's a wong in my mouth!!

It is u&k at this point to do exactly that - stop and laugh out loud.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

it's already funny at "oh that's right..."

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

yes i almost always have to stifle laughing so hard...its always somewhat older men too, and its really funny, obvious instructional things: "suck that cock! " (as if there were an array of cocks in my mouth i was choosing from) "do you like that dick?" (no i'm just doing this for the calories) "mmh, yeah, there you go..go on now! take it in! IN YOUR THROAT!" (as if you're that big...) ha

To talk about being on the other side of the sucking, I think it's really weird how when some _people_ suck your cock, you don't really feel much of anything, but when others do, your penis feels a multitude of delightful sensations. How is that possible? Do the bad cocksuckers just don't know where they're to place the tongue, or do they not suck at the right spots or are they lacking swishy saliva whirlpools or what ?

Anyway I'm sorry that another thread hasn't ben started on this as we've really derailed away from murses..

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Bryan 100% OTM.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I feel weird now cuz one of the two people I've had sex with said things exactly like that to me only replace "cock" with "clit" and insert gratuitous "god damn"s and "fucking"s in between every other word. You're saying that kinda talk ain't normal then?

― nickalicious, taking notes (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think it's abnormal, I think it's just sometimes FUNNY

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

haha. I somehow knew this was going to turn into penis size/fellatio thread.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Replace "sometimes" with "all of the time" and you are totally OTM. I mean, ok, it's not like people should be silent and say nothing during sex but jesus god, "Oooh yeah baby, eat my pussy, that's right, etc etc" for fuck and pity. Like there are just certain things you say that are just automatically funny, and going off like a bad porno movie is like even funnier than if they stopped the proceedings and started reciting like the Harry Caray SNL skit for crying out loud.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

You know you're a good cocksucker when you can deepthroat a small cock.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

That's also the preferred way to get rid of the gag reflex.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

And it's like ok, so you say that sometimes, that's fine but if you talk like that the entire time it's going on? What in the fuck?

xpost deepthroating a small cock also involves having no face.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

haha. I somehow knew this was going to turn into penis size/fellatio thread.

dude, this is ILX -- we could turn a thread about the death of Princess Di into a thread on fellatio...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

On the other side of that, have you ever been specifically ASKED to say that shit? One guy said 'Oh say this..." and I was like wtf, am I supposed to be reading from a script now? Are we shooting Deep Throat 3: Lost in Los Angeles? 'Cause if so, I want a better looking leading man, and someone with a bigger wang than fucking Mr. Tonka Toy here.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, depending on how small. But it's also about the logistics of the... oh, never mind.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

On the other side of that, have you ever been specifically ASKED to say that shit?

You know I never
I never seen you look so good
You never act the way you should
But I like it
And I know you like it too
The way that I want you
I gotta have you
Oh yes, I do
You know I never
I never ever stay out late
You know that I can hardly wait
Just to see you
And I know you cannot wait
Wait to see me too
I gotta touch you
Chorus:
Cause baby we'll be
At the drive - in
In the old man's Ford
Behind the bushes
Till I'm screamin' for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me
You know I call you
I call you on the telephone
I'm only hoping that you're home
So I can hear you
When you say those words to me
And whisper so softly
I gotta hear you
Chorus
C. C. pick up that guitar and talk to me
Solo, Chorus out

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:12 (twenty-two years ago)

TS: "Dirty talk" vs "Roleplaying" (a.k.a. "Take that cock!" vs "Who's been a naughty schoolboy?")

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone wanted you to sing a Poison song to them, Kingfish? How did you stay hard, dude?

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Not only how did you STAY hard, but how did you get hard ever again?

My brain in screaming in protest.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

On the other side of that, have you ever been specifically ASKED to say that shit?

Insert me raising my hand here. Then insert me laughing my ass off while attempting to say really disturbing nonsense. The thing is, with this I mean, that if you are going to blurt out something filthy, it should be spontaneous, which is part of why the stream-of-conciousness nonstop sex talk is no good as well, it's very obviously just WHAT THEY DO all of the time and it's not like any indicator of how well you are doing, it's just their autoresponse. You should just say something filthy and see if they play back. I'm pretty sure that's hot. But the nonstop and the ordering around sex chat arrrgh what in god's name?

ATTENTION MEN PLEASE STOP WATCHING PORN IMMEDIATELY!!

xpost Kingfish's post just made me think of jel having sex.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

my favorite was still "say fuck me, say fuck me!" "fuck you!"

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

cuz they followed it up with a medley of "every rose has its thorn", "something to believe in", and "i won't forget you (babe)".

it was the most romantic thing EVER, dammit.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

but I agree, it should come naturally, I am not your faucet of filth to be turned off and on when you feel like it - fuck you, chains!

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Most romantic thing ever - maybe if you're a 15 year old girl in 1986, but otherwise? Jesus - CC pick up that guitar and bash my head in with it so I won;'t have to ever consider having sex to Poison music again

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Faucet of filth!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Wow.

There is also levels of dirty talk, right. Like someone says "Fuck me" or "I want to fuck you" suddenly right, that's kind of hot (again as long as it's not some weird constant thing) but the whole "Oh yeah, take my cock bitch" thing going on, what in the world, I'm still laughing my head off over this.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, with this I mean, that if you are going to blurt out something filthy, it should be spontaneous, which is part of why the stream-of-conciousness nonstop sex talk is no good as well, it's very obviously just WHAT THEY DO all of the time...

j3ss3 how3rt0n to thread oh my god!

― nickalicious cringing at the thought of dirty-talking j3ss3 (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG you guys..so i really shouldn't be talking about this, and Casuistry knows my secret now that i just imed about my "wakening" experience, but in this other very recent circumstance which did um, not involve sucking...the guy said.."use that stick...its your stick"..and kept repeating STICK...

i couldn't really laugh at the moment but i wanted to DIE since nothing but LIL' KIM AND 50 Cent had invaded my mind during my intimate passion-sex encounter OMG WTF LOL!! 13

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

STICK? STICK? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg

I need to stop reading this thread immediately because I am going back and forth between really missing someone and LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT INCREASINGLY RIDICULOUS SEXUAL CHAT and neither is really "work appropriate" OMG

STICK!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

― ALLYZAY, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe if you're a 15 year old girl in 1986,

wait, who do we know here who was 15 in 1986?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

also, this is all even funnier if you think of the GI JOE psa where he keeps going "Give 'em the stick! No, don't give 'em the stick!"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Still, knowing what you want and asking for it (even -- especially! -- if it's completely ridiculous) = CLASSIC!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

What is a cock bitch (and can we eat it)?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, who do we know here who was 15 in 1986?

Dude, more people than you'd think (well, not me, but others).

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Also Chris Morris to thread ("Shit your leg off! C'mon, shit your leg off!").

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

it's your stick???? No, it's your wang, dude, and if this is the best sexy talk you can come up with, we have bigger problems than I realized.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yeah, yank my Twizzler!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, I was 14 in 1986, so bite my ass, chump.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

yes that magic stick song will never be the same to me again

i cant complain about that time though, i mean that guy was HOTT and the sex was INCREDIBLE etc

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

You like-a the stick?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

(ARGH I find it impossible to be funny in the face of all of this mentalism)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

HE USED THE WORD STICK TO DESCRIBE COCK=THERE IS NO WAY IT WAS INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha how did you not die laughing? What in the hell. I can't stop laughing and I wasn't there. Was this the first time you guys hooked up? OMG if I had sex with someone for the first time and they said something like that I'd refuse to take their phone calls ever again.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

congratulations, guys! we have overwhelmed the dan perry

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

best venue to see bands in Detrot?

why, The Magic Stick, of course.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

All it took was a liberal amount of stick jokes.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:32 (twenty-two years ago)

so bite my ass, chump.

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/hooray.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:32 (twenty-two years ago)

n o it WAS incredible! and it was the first time..in fact i saw him again saturday (our 2nd time)...and um, it was kinda special since..

(ok, I RTEALLY SHOULDNT TALK ABOUT SUCH PERSONAL THINGS HERE WHERE 700 OEOPLE CAN READ IT ETC but..)

...it was also er, one of the first times, i, uh, ah...STOP I CANT GO ON WITH THIS.

but it was incredible =) :P

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

When my sister was really little, she came up to me once with this joke, right. She goes, "What's brown and sticky?" and I'm like oh great, wtf, "What?"

"A stick!! HAHA!"

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

TANGENT: They showed the Bizarro episode of Sealab 2021 last night and I don't think I've ever laughed at something that hard in my life.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

[he was saying instructional stuff like that, like " ___ the stick" .."its your stick"..."control the stick"...to help me out, if you know what i mean]

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I MISSED THE BIZARRO EPISODE?!?!??!?!?!?!!? FUCK!!!!!!!!!

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

ARGH I CAN NEVER POST TO ILX AFTER THIS AGAIN AND NOW YOU ALL WILL KNOW WHY I HAVE DEPARTED IN EMBARRASSMENT

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, were you having sex or undergoing Jedi training?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

it's your stick???? No, it's your wang, dude, and if this is the best sexy talk you can come up with, we have bigger problems than I realized.

wait wait wait, so what's the best descriptive term that you can come up with, huh?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Well if you're going to leave in embarassment you might as well tell us that thing that was too embarassing to tell us before you leave, what do you have to lose?

xpost: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/bizarro.jpg

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/bizarro_team.jpg

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/ally_interrogates.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I just called Ned a big ol' stick in the mud in chat. I hope you're all happy.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

TS: the Bizarro episode versus the Quinn's vacation episode.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

You're saying he's that hard up? I thought you guys were friends! Well, I guess you did compliment him on his big 'ol stick...

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It's far from the best I can come up with, but if you think that I'm gonna bust out my good stuff on ILe, you've got another think coming, sweetpants.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna, don't move, etc.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

*swoon*

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.myatari.com/cx40big.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Any seduction line that works with "etc." at the end of it is ALL RIGHT BY ME!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

in other news, i had ex who's preferred term was "dinger", like it was a sweet Hostess product or something.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG I SING WITH SOMEONE WHOSE LAST NAME IS DINGER MY WORLD IS UPSIDE-DOWN

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/dre700/e796/e79686ds8yd.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

My world is right-side up again.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

actually, the number of Hostess Products that have somesort of sexual reference is astounding.

e.g. "Snowballs", or even

http://theimaginaryworld.com/ikk30.jpg

*insert creme-filled joke here*

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

also now i actually have to remember some here, but haha, i also recall some guy saying like.."you've never even made love!" when i refused to let him fuck me raw or whatever, in the middle of whatever we were doing when he was trying to maneuver into that position....yeah buddy, thats really a good way to entice me, etc. i'm sure it's making love when we do it, but otherwise it's just barebacking. wtf!

anyway, i'll never live down this thread, so why stop now

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

kingfish is so otm, I remember when I had my first blueberry pie in tiajuana.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Vic, I am increasingly worried that your sex life is actually a videogame.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

make that mexicali because it's easier to spell.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Vic, I am increasingly worried that your sex life is actually a videogame.

yeah, but Dan, which game?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Command & Conquer vs Age of Mythology

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Pong.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

you're just saying that since the C&C series used KAri Wuhrer as the commando chick in their print ads...

wait -- Age of Mythology I or II?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha I was going to say Pong vs Joust!

AoM II, if it matters (I was just going off of the game titles).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)

haha well hey...(and this is influenced by the im from Casuistry, who was trying to explain to me the um, appeal of such activities) - at least i'm NOT into something outrageous like fisting or anything, even though that would afford you a lot more video games to think of!!!!!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.unexpected.nl/uitgave11/boonga-promo.gif

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, awesome, now you've made it sound like I was explaining what I find appealing about fisting. Great.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

;-)

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

FOR REAL, THOUGH (thank you donut bitch for starting that thread oh so long ago)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

well, at least Donkey Kong or Dig Dug isn't involved...

altho Mr. Do looks a little guilty.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Now I know what I'll be for Halloween: a large turd!

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahaha MARBLE MADNESS!!!!!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

OH. MY. GAWD.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

BEST USE OF A QUARTER EVER.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Perry, you NEED to get a hobby...

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you're lookin' at it.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish I could take credit, but I can't:

oh no! SPANKING VIDEO GAME! oh no!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you're lookin' at it.

Nope, Luna. That's his way of life. There's a difference;>

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

how would "Defender" fit into all of this?

or "Yars' Revenge"?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"Space Invaders"?

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Pole Position

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

"Adventure". Especially when you carry around the arrow.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

everything on ILX always turns into blowjobs and manginas, doesn't it?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

The first ILXer to start a musical project called Mangina Blowjob gets a gold star.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Pitfall Harry.

Look out for the big gaping black hole that'll swallow you up!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

YAy! I killed the thread!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I went out and bought a man-purse at lunch.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I should have known there weren't really 250 new posts about man purses here:(

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I own three murses, y'know?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I just cut out of work and bought six more man-purses.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG. How could I miss this thread?

Sticks are so UNSEXY. I mean, sticks aren't normally thick. And they're knobby! And cold!

And small cat tails is the most disturbing penis image I've ever gotten stuck in my head.

But second place definitely goes to Ally's loss of a gag reflex.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I am so sorry I shared any of that.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I am now clothed entirely in man-purses. I have one on each foot, one on each hand, one tied around my waist as a sort of loincloth, and one perched on my head like a jaunty hat.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

WOW you just used the word "jaunty"! That is tres fantastico and I'm going to be saying "jaunty" all day now. You sound so manly in your man-purse outfit!!

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

It's ok, Ally. I'll stop having nightmares about it in time (the cat tail penis image).

It's pitch dark out. Time to go home and see my newly man-pursed man.

― Sarah Mclusky (coco), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, the reason why it haunts me to this day is because I have an image in my head of a skinny penis flicking around like an angry cat would do with its tail, except in the penis-place. I mean seriously, I didn't need that!

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Here is a bag made from a bull's scrotum.

http://www.mavericktradingpost.com/images/hangbag.jpg

I have nothing else to say.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I do.

My mom owns one of those.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

well, there's always the term, "pencil dick"

i leave it to you to consider whether it'd be a #2 or a mechanical.

http://www.schev.edu/images/No2pencil.jpg http://www.cleansweepsupply.com/pictures/standard/zmis9283.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh does it matter?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

ARE YOU SAYING YOU WOULD SEX WITH ROBOT!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

why not? it worked for Frank Zappa!
http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drf200/f294/f29412iffzd.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

i think that was a toaster

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:26 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHA! That pencil dick image will be lodged in my nightmares tonight. Damn.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i thought it was a Telefunken U47?

http://www.voice-overs.net/mics/u47.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:07 (twenty-two years ago)

http://side7.gundam.com/the_gundam_box/reviews/zeta03.jpg
That looks familiar

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:10 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF do either of those pictures have to do with deepthroating microscopic penises, I wonder??? Jesus, stay on topic.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay now I'm imagining some dude coming in my mouth except these .5mm pieces of lead are shooting into my cheeks and they STING.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it's like that.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:24 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF do either of those pictures have to do with deepthroating microscopic penises, I wonder

tweren't my fault.

twas mr noodles who doubted.

altho, these are more microPHONIC penises, as it were. Instead of just gagging you as you deep-throat them, they also amplify your gagging sounds, so that they may be broadcast all 'round the nation and to the armed forces across the seas! buy war bonds!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:27 (twenty-two years ago)

What I have learned from this thread:

1) Chris has sex with porn robots that shoot lead.
2) Vic chokes on dicks.
3) Boys are so against the concept of the man purse that they would rather talk about deep throating each other.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:35 (twenty-two years ago)

not me! i like my satchel!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

well, there's always the term, "pencil dick"

i leave it to you to consider whether it'd be a #2 or a mechanical.

Or one of these?
http://www.greatbigstuff.com/prodpics/pencil-dt.jpg

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW I just wanted to point out that this entire thread went to shit because of NA and his raver pants. Further proof that ravers are the work of the unholy.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Or one of these?

what, a 12 inch pianist?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry, what wouldn't I rather talk about than boys deepthroating each other?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

frogs deepthroating each other?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

http://home.pacbell.net/bettychu/2003allbreedbisris/skylar_-_4_(2).jpg

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

How big was the cat that coughed that up?

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

so I take it tote bags, when worn/carried by men, do not count?

and are these men-purses acceptable because of their gym-bag size?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 06:23 (twenty-two years ago)

No. They are not acceptable.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

well, yes. but to other people.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I do not like the man-purse. There isn't anything worse. If you can't live without it, you're bogged down with too much shit.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Right. When the shit goes down, do you really want to be standing there going, "Now where did I leave my purse?" No go, amigo.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I always make Nick carry my keys and wallet and phone when I don't feel like carrying my purse. I hardly ever have pockets. It's time for him to carry the purse!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

however, I firmly believe in the "bag"

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

i carry my satchel around, mainly b/c it has my meds & cds in it.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

If I don't carry the murse, where the hell else am I gonna put all my masculine hygene products?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you considered the ass?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

but the ass can only hold so much shit, and the Patent Office rejected my claim for the "Magical Kingfish Ass Shelf", so we're no longer going into production on those...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Yesterday, I walked past a homeless man with his affects tied up in a plastic bag slung over his shoulder on a stick; hobo stylee.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

That is SO derelict.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

It wasn't even a real stick. It looked like a salvaged table or nightstand leg. Even so, it was HIS stick!

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, keeping this thread in mind, "affects" seemed like a really odd euphemism.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

A better one would be "Afflecks."

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey, baby, do you wanna play with my Afflecks? That one's Ben and the other one's Casey."

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/B/htmlB/bencasey/bencaseyIMAGE/bencasey.jpg

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Man. Woman. Birth. Death. Balls.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.lickbike.com/3726.gif
This doesn't count. I really do use it to carry my clothes and other stuff on my ride to work, but my wife still calls it my man purse.

― David Beckhouse (David Beckhouse), Thursday, 30 October 2003 23:23 (twenty-two years ago)

But tis a striking man-purse!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 30 October 2003 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I do not like the man-purse. There isn't anything worse. If you can't live without it, you're bogged down with too much shit.

Hey, this rhymes! I imagine Dan putting out a Dr. Seuss-like book decrying the man-purse.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

this thread made me want a blowjob

― MY FAVOURITE LIGHTER IS CHEESEBURGER (trigonalmayhem), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The answer is 'No'.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

The question is "you wouldn't refuse me a blowjob, would you?"

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

but but

I have a man-purse!
I'm comfortable in my sexuality!

I won't even push your head down and make you choke!

― MY FAVOURITE LIGHTER IS CHEESEBURGER (trigonalmayhem), Monday, 24 January 2005 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

is there a way of autosummarizing this? that or a good recommendation for acceptable change-receptacles.

― banriquit, Wednesday, 18 June 2008 22:19 (seventeen years ago)

a good recommendation for acceptable change-receptacles.

pockets.

― chicago kevin, Wednesday, 18 June 2008 23:40 (seventeen years ago)

Just get shoulder bags, the ones that cross over your body. They have all the style and urban cool of a what a man purse (murse) THINKS it has but are actually acceptable in sartorial sense. They are the natural progression from your backpack wearing student days or if you want to be ahead of the fashion pack and are still a student START WEARING ONE NOW, YOU WILL GET LAID MORE. PLUS you can get them in leather which lots of types of men (and woman)love. Pockets are stupid because they get holes in them or if you jiggle too much stuff falls out.

― VeronaInTheClub, Thursday, 19 June 2008 00:11 (seventeen years ago)

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