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EXCELSIOR - POSTS - OH MY SIDES AND NOW YOURS...

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Ah the last one is so big and clever, time for a fresh page methinks...

alright this shit's getting too big now ... MORE EXCELSIOR, MORE HA-HA-HA POSTS, MORE LAUGHING

Starting with...


What can American music possibly say to me? I'm not from America. It can never touch or document my life the way Suede or Pulp can. It's impossible.
-- C-Man (cma...), January 8th, 2004 5:20 PM.
But anyway; this is the reason C-Man pisses people off; because he is so unwilling to engage with any kind of argument or idea, to the extent that he feels the need not to ignore but rather to interject and try and throw-off everyone else.

If American music cannot speak to you because you are not American, how can Pulp speak to you? As you are neither clever, charming or observant either?

-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 12th, 2004.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 12 January 2004 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow... what thread is that on?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 12 January 2004 11:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"If music is relevant then etc" on ILM

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 12 January 2004 11:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Boobah is fucking awesome! It's like Teletubbies starring the Boredoms!
-- udu wudu (guapotou...), January 10th, 2004 8:39 PM.

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 12 January 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I love the phrase "turn gay". Like "woah slow down, my street's coming up. merge left here...okay, now turn gay. third stop on the right. thanks."
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 12th, 2004 8:54 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 12 January 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

"swift kick in the taint" .. would be a great name for a third-wave ska band.
-- dave225 (adspac...), January 12th, 2004. (later)

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 12 January 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

From "Can You Explain LOTR to Me" thread:

Haven't seen the new one yet, but tell me, does the King really return?
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), January 12th, 2004 1:33 PM. (Horace Mann)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 12 January 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Huck, if by "cute" and "funny" you mean "bland" and "boring," then I agree with you re: Shii Ann 100%!
-- Leee Majors (redhalcyo...), January 12th, 2004.

Hmmm, judging by my relationship track record, I think that that's exactly what I do mean.
-- Huckleberry Mann

― dyson (dyson), Monday, 12 January 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Obviously I think this all implies that your ex girlfriend still wants you big time so what you should do is go there, purchase it, then open in store, pour it on yourself all sexy like and then yell "WHO'S DIRTY?!" and see what happens. I guarantee the results will be extraordinary.
-- Allyzay (justgobuyitalread...), January 12th, 2004 12:41 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 12 January 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Regarding Phish-appeal...also: getting right wasted. Outside. Around pretty people. Who are dumbasses. And easy to take advantage of.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)

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So Phish are basically Sonic Youth with dreds?

-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 January 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Many of the Frodo/Sam scenes in "Return Of The King" that almost made me cry, largely because my wife was making kissy faces at the screen throughout most of them.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 12th, 2004 2:07 PM. (Dan Perry)

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 12 January 2004 22:19 (twenty-one years ago)

should explain the above is from the movies that make you cry thread.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 12 January 2004 22:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Clipse and J. Timberlake... now how heavy is that?

uh... not heavy at all?

-- gygax! (gygax0...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 January 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Out of curiosity, where does Anne Coulter live?
-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), January 12th, 2004.


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In the fifth circle of hell.
-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), January 12th, 2004.

― sym (shmuel), Monday, 12 January 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick is rude, but that's why they pay him the big bucks:

Paris Hilton to Father: "But Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want an Oompa Loompa NOW!"

"And I want it to spunk hot jizz into my dirty little whore-maw."

-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 12th, 2004.

― That famous guy who won a prize (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Holy shit

― ModJ (ModJ), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 01:07 (twenty-one years ago)

http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20040108/i/r2782136576.jpg
I will not leave you for dead my brethren!

-- rollerblading chimpanzee conquistador (to_th...), January 12th, 2004.

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 01:31 (twenty-one years ago)

[e-mail/login reads "-- rollerblading chimpanzee conquistador (to_the[at]rescue!); from the C-Man Primate Lab fiasco thread]

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 01:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I almost threw up that made me laugh so hard.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 01:36 (twenty-one years ago)

That aside, I'm not really sure it's healthy to be full of hatred towards anyone. But if you just can't help yourself Alex, then make sure find an outlet.

-- don weiner (migg...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)


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like basket weaving.
-- dyson (dyspleasur...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)


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or arson!
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)


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Weave baskets, then burn them.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)


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better not do underwater basket weaving then
-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)


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better yet, throw the basket down after weaving it, and say "FUCK YOU BASKET. FUCK YOU!"
-- donut bitch (do...), January 12th, 2004. (later) (link)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

BEAST

Member # 2993

posted January 12, 2004 09:56 PM
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Ar'nt you a strange one then?

SON: whats for dinner mummy?

MOTHER: Its pins again im afraid

SON: Not again mother, my tummy still has'nt recoverd from breakfast!

Mother: Sorry darling, we'll have staples for pudding

― Le Coq (DarrenK), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 04:22 (twenty-one years ago)

err... wtf? thats not an ILX post, is it?

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 04:41 (twenty-one years ago)

There's an 80's style slap funk covers band that do Jandek in the style of The Fatback Band. Tthey're called 'Jan 'n' Dex'. They have an album out called 'Ready for Da House'.
-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), January 13th, 2004.


― mullygrubber (gaz), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 04:57 (twenty-one years ago)

The saddest thing here nowadays is kids are far more likely to say "yo wassup brah, don't be hatin' on me fo mah blingbling!" than they would "shit you're a hornbag, even if you are a bogan".
Terrible :(

-- Trayce (trayc...), January 13th, 2004.


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Kids these days! They have no history.
-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), January 13th, 2004.


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and ugly pants
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), January 13th, 2004.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Dammit I was about to post that :P

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

What are the sizes of the Queen Elizabeth II?
-- Kahlia Pimental (supi...), January 13th, 2004 4:54 PM.

Answers
small, medium, large and family
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), January 13th, 2004 4:57 PM. (electricsound)


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the what now?
-- s1ocki (parrisactava...), January 13th, 2004 4:57 PM. (slutsky)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That is so weird. I'm going to meet my girlfriend for pizza right now. See you losers tomorrow.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 06:03 (twenty-one years ago)


Without Nazis, "The Sound Of Music" would never have been written.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), January 12th, 2004 12:20 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

What?

-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...) (webmail), January 12th, 2004 12:21 PM. (Nick Southall) (later) (link)
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Without Nazis, "The Sound Of Music" would never have been written.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), January 12th, 2004 12:21 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

ideally all arguments should follow such a pattern

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

from the drunken "memory loss" thread:

i just had a flashback! but it wasn't awful, just confusing.
-- Slump Man (mrmummr...), January 13th, 2004 9:18 AM. (Slump Man)


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i'm now gathering clues to piece it all together. i feel like a detective!
-- Slump Man (mrmummr...), January 13th, 2004 9:19 AM. (Slump Man)


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A detective who happened to feel up his sister's tits while pissing his pants?
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), January 13th, 2004 9:20 AM. (Mark C)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

This is so beautiful:

Right, so last night I dreamt I was chatting up Jennifer Connelly in some bar with an extraordinarily widescreen TV (like 6 inches tall and five feet wide) and she said "what's your favourite film?" and I said "Dark City... no, Hulk... no, anything with you in" which is kind of true cos I do love both those films, and anything with Jenniffer in is obviously watchable, and then she came on to me really strongly, and I said "Wait a minute, aren't you married?" and she said "Yes, I'm married to Dan Perry" so I said "I could never go behind Dan's back, I have too much love and respect for him" and she said "Fair enough, our love can never be" and walked away and I'm like wtf?! this must have been the opposite of a lucid dream because had I Had any modicum of control over proceedings we would have made lots of babies for the next 10 seconds or however long it is that dreams last.

I am feeling disturbed by this to a degree that I cannot express.

-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 13th, 2004 4:54 AM. (later)

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't even read the name "Moloko" without seeing Jools Holland with one arm outstretched beside him saying "Moloko" in a definite way.
-- mark grout (mark.....co.uk), January 13th, 2004 1:38 PM. (mark grout) (later)

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

That is a thing of beauty.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

i am sure nas is a lovely man, but there's a reason he's a "rugged street poet" and not big daddy kane.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), December 15th, 2003. (link)

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or sir mix-a-lot.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), December 15th, 2003. (link)

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he's a 'rugged short order cook'! scattered smothered and covered nas!

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), December 15th, 2003. (link)

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i know i can! make scrambled eggs with cheese!

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), December 15th, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but he fears no-one. I therefore tremble in my boots.
-- Ned Raggett

-----------------------------------

he clearly said he fears 'noone', which is, as best as i can figure, a medieval archaic spelling of noon. fear the noone = honour the fire. yeah.
-- ethan

---------------------------

he also fears fox family's 'real scary stories', so DON'T FUCK WITH HIM. which of course is the motto of all girls in his tri- county area.
-- ethan

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I started working again. "Big whoop," say those of you who trudge daily to the office 'ell of their choice, living the life among the drones. But to a man for whom the term "work" had come to equate getting up around noon, sitting around in your underwear for a few hours, and finally sitting down to write your one or two of his freelance assignments (maybe) around 6 or 7 before going out to the bar at 10, it is DEATH. I'm not cut out to be around people. I will strangle you before noon if you smile too much at me. (Especially with teeth.) AND...I just got ANOTHER job today, TWO FRIGGIN DAYS LATER (for signifigantly more money of course, but...) I spent the last two days learning all the ins and outs and the names attached to the bad perms and vacuous faces and when I can use Piggie's glasses to start the fire...and I GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN STARTING TUESDAY. BAH. And it's that annoying clips episode of the Simpsons with the all singing/all dancing bits. Bah. PLUS I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH ILM/E...BAH!!!!
Sorry...I just needed to get that out. Carry on. ;)

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), August 30th, 2001.

― %%, Tuesday, 13 January 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

it's funny because i havent worked in two years.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

also i was one twee motherfucker in 2001

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

[bear photo here]

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

One of the biggest tragedies of the modern world is that the Canadian version of Mountain Dew has no caffeine in it. This sad fact means I have to fill my belly with tasty, nutritious coffee instead of stripping my stomach lining out with pee-coloured fizziness. I weep.
-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), January 13th, 2004 11:28 AM. (SeanC)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Who on ILX has a sense of humour to beat mine?


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Stevem has his moments, with the Santa Claus gag being amusing until you read about it actually being for real in the papers... but does anyone else on ILX have a sense of humour more intelligent and refined than me?
-- C-Man (cma...), January 13th, 2004 11:56 AM. (C-Man)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

(from the drive-by shooting thread)

In other news a spikey black haired youth is terrorising people with a catapult and stink bombs, the offender is said to be wearing a stripey jumper and is often seen with a small black dog.
-- Jarlr'mai (parker...), January 13th, 2004 6:30 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

but today is Tuesday Pun Funday!

-- Kingfishee (jdsalmo...), January 13th, 2004.

Maybe in Michigan, but not in LA. Puns are illegal in Southern California.

-- luna (luna_cee...), January 13th, 2004.

hmm. this could be true, and explain why Christopher Rios rose to rap prominence in the Bronx as opposed to East L.A...

-- Kingfishee (jdsalmo...), January 13th, 2004.

― ModJ (ModJ), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

The man knows his fisting humor, though.
-- Josh

------------------------

And the principles of composition behind minimalist art music.
-- Josh

god, i miss josh....:'(

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Tuomas: I don't think you got Mulholland Drive at all. Sorry.
-- Colin Meeder (amisrau...), January 13th, 2004.

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 January 2004 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

-- Donna Brown (summerbab...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

from the television vs orange juice (I don't know why I laughed really but there you go) thread.

I am pretty sure that Edwyn Collins prefers Television to Orange Juice.
-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...), January 13th, 2004. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 21:49 (twenty-one years ago)


mark, i kiss you

-- fiddo centington
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and not just because i am desperate for physical contact

-- fiddo centington
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yes yes, tell me more

-- mark p )
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you have pretty hair

-- fiddo centington

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, in so many words my Aunt Ellen called me bitchtits when I was 11. That was pretty harsh.

-- Bryan (twp62y...), January 13th, 2004 5:25 PM.

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

*cries at salt being poured into the wound*

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

It's just that the name Aunt Ellen brings to mind some gray haired overly kind aunt that bakes lots of cookies or something.

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

No, think Bart's Aunt Selma. She told me I had such big boobs that I should be wearing a training bra.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU ARE FLAT-OUT LYING. No one in reality is that evil!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hello, my young relative! Let me crush every last vestige of self-esteem your prepubescent body might possess, then go out to the store and get me some smokes."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

She is evil! To this day I hold a grudge! I do enjoy it when a woman gives extra care and attention to my nipples. I suppose it helps ease the pain.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

okay bryan, that's quite enough.
save it for the "bleugh - posts that made us shudder" thread.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be making all of my posts to that thread if I followed your advice, dyson.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you enjoy The Cure's 300 minute version of 'A Forest' at the end of the show, Dan? I think that one song was longer than Cranes' whole set. I sure was glad they were serving beer at that show.
-- Bryan (twp62y...), January 13th, 2004.

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Oh GOD YES! That was the one where everything but the bass dropped out in the middle of the coda, then Boris added in the Funky Drummer beat from the _Mixed Up_ remix and Robert started riffing off of the album titles! GENIUS. Damn, I wish I had a recording of that.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 13th, 2004.

-------------------------------------------------------------

So you two have been to Hell, I guess.
-- Ian Grey (iangre...), January 13th, 2004.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 January 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

EL DIABLO MOCKS THAT WHAT IS GOOD AND HOLY. But with a name like that, etc.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

FROM THE "MEMORY LOSS C/D?" THREAD:

i don't even have to get smashed to experience memory loss. it fucking sucks, it measn i'm a fucking dummy. even if i could remember shit i'd be a fucking dummy cos i wouldn't know how to say anything intelligent about it. i'm a waste of space. maybe thats why i drink so much, so i have an excuse?
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), January 13th, 2004.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

oh shut up you stupid bitch.
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), January 13th, 2004.

― dean! (deangulberry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

do you have to die to win a Darwin?

-- Luigi Vampa (handsomishbo...)

Jessica Lynch to thread.

-- Pleasant Plains (acewhiske...)

― les freqnaste, Wednesday, 14 January 2004 02:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Best thread about an ejaculatory ritual ever
-- donut bitch (do...), January 13th, 2004 1:55 PM. (donut)


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This is probably the greatest thread revive ever.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 14th, 2004 8:29 PM. (Dan Perry)


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This is probably the best hyperbolic post calling something the "best ever" ever.
-- NA (naamm...), January 14th, 2004 9:26 PM. (Nick A.)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 02:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Shannon u r a simple life. Emo is a form that is emotionally driven. There are no set guide lines to this form of ART that all music is, yes even brittney spears, i shudder to think it is art. You might not apperciate emo, or coldplay, but that doesnt mean it is sucky. I might just mean that you like bluegrass, or Adult contemperary, or something else of that nature. Maybe you even like Miss, i gues sorta Mrs., form of expression. Personall i apperciate the sounds of emo and coldplay, along with lots of other untraditional forms of music, like indie, and even pop punk. SO maybe you sound not speak for all of us in the US when you make a remark!!! By te way, the cure is brilliant, and the song All of This by Blink 182 featuring The Cure is wonderful. Travis Barkers Percussion, the contrast in vocals, the bas rifts, is orgasmic!
-- Mike Sumguy (MSumgu...), January 13th, 2004 7:18 AM.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I keep re-reading that post trying to make sense of it. Hilarious. And "untraditional forms of music, like indie, and even pop punk". I almost wet myself.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:19 (twenty-one years ago)

no, the best part is "You might not apperciate emo, or coldplay, but that doesnt mean it is sucky."

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:22 (twenty-one years ago)

You might not apperciate emo, or coldplay

That's just....that's..just....uh............great. No, that's GREAT That's FUCKING GREAT.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:27 (twenty-one years ago)

And what the hell does Maybe you even like Miss, i gues sorta Mrs., form of expression. even MEAN!?

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh no! I missed , along with lots of other untraditional forms of music, like indie, and even pop punk.

Which, of course, is ace.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:41 (twenty-one years ago)

And finally..

The Cure is wonderful

I go to sleep happy.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that "Mrs" part is kind of like another language, wtf.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"Don't Look Back" shits all over "More Than a Feeling".
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 13th, 2004 4:27 PM.

― america's first municipal lunatic asylum (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 06:12 (twenty-one years ago)

My sense of humor is apparently so dry that even I don't get it.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Referring to R Kelly - Ignition (Remix)

Okay, somebody explain this to me:

"It's like Murder She Wrote
Once I getcha out them clothes"

There's no context clues given for what he means by this. Angela Lansbury? Crime? Mystery? What does this have to do with nudity?

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), January 13th, 2004.

It means that after he has sex, a criminal investigation is sure to follow.

-- Joseph McCombs (jmccomb...), January 14th, 2004.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

New strapline for Tate & Lyle: Sugar! It won't absorb menstrual blood but it's smashing in tea!

-- Emma

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

From : BBC Radio 3 to broadcast Cage's 4'33"
on ILM

The Glenn Gould version clocks in at under 2 minutes.
-- Jonathan Z. (zin...), January 13th, 2004.


Does he play drums?
-- mark grout (mark.grou...), January 13th, 2004.


OK, so it's against protocol to post your own funnies. I'd have posted it if *you* had said it...

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

If Channel 4 had any sense they would be on the phone commissioning Kilroy to do a Bernard Manningesque visit to Saudi Arabia and Julie Burchill in Kabul RIGHT NOW.
-- Matt DC (....net), January 14th, 2004 3:04 PM. (Matt DC) (later)


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no they're going to plump for Boss Swap, fucking lazy cowards
-- stevem (....com), January 14th, 2004 3:14 PM. (blueski) (later)

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

WHat does kelis means in her song Mikeshake.

-- Misha Arrington (arringtonmish...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

Answers

Venti Grande Fremme

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

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it's about this crazy dance in which you shake the mike about

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

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or the milk, if you're carrying any

-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

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It's when you jiggle your jugs isn't it?

-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

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just think, one day our children and their children will be able to read these immortal musings!

-- s1ocki (parrisactava...), January 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

If only I could find an instrumental CD of said classic. "Black On Both Sides" is easily as important to hip-hop as "Endtroducing" or "Low End Theory" - sadly none of the three changed hip-hop forever, but they should have.
-- nader (dblcheeksnee...), January 14th, 2004.

― Atal Bihari, Wednesday, 14 January 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

From the computer questions thread, re: RJG needing advice on recovering data from a corrupt hard disk:


Depending on the value of the data there is always these people

http://www.ontrack.com/

-- Jarlr'mai (parker...), January 14th, 2004 5:22 PM.

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the data is priceless but I only have £15.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), January 14th, 2004 5:42 PM.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I've always been very suspicious of Mentos ads... something just doesn't feel right about them. By 'right' I mean American.
-- andy (and...), January 14th, 2004 1:11 PM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

(on the 90s revival thread)

What will never return: the kriss kross wearing your pants backwards thing..but god it needs to. Actually, I'm just really glad that this entire horrid strokes/early 80s/indie returnof-tite-pants-on-all-males thing has NOT been entirely successful and baggy is still HERE TO STAY. THE 90S MOST INDELIBLE MARK..TESTICLE ROOMAGE = MALE EMANCIPATION

-- Vic (Iodine99...), December 12th, 2003 2:20 AM.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

really skinny people are like the fat people of skinny people

-- boxcubed (uneasy_allianc...), October 2nd, 2002 6:08 PM.

You are wise.

-- JC (jcarcila...), October 3rd, 2002 10:41 PM.

― A Nairn (moretap), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Of all the things for ILX to ruin for me, fucking BATMAN.
(note: I am mostly kidding).

-- Jordan (jordancohe...), January 14th, 2004.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

And now Dan sez:

You all should be ashamed of yourselves. Jordan will never again be able to fuck Batman the same way.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 14th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Leee Majors (Leee), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I named my goldfish Chewbacca.
Sadly he died after I accidently broke his bowl while cleaning it and had to use an upside-down glass head as a makeshift replacement. Something about his new residence didn't agree with him.

RIP Chewbacca: 1999-1999

-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), January 14th, 2004.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

A cross-thread combination from the esteemed C-Man;

One: on the 'relationships and menstrual cycle thread' -

Just dump her.
-- C-Man (cma...), January 14th, 2004 9:45 PM.

Two: on the 'what's Robert Kilroy Silk listening to?' thread -

Oh right, and it shouldn't be? Romance is great.
-- C-Man (cma...), January 14th, 2004 11:38 PM.

Staggering.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"i've got a major batwing" = when your nutsack is stuck the side of your leg and peels off.
-- Chris V (formerlypoopsmcge...), January 14th, 2004 5:05 AM. (Chris V)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLEASE GOD TELL ME THAT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY MEANT TO DESCRIBE ISN'T AS HORRIFYING AS WHAT I'M IMAGINING
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 14th, 2004 6:20 AM. (Dan Perry)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think it is, if what you're imagining involves heat + sweat + shorts + sitting down.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 14th, 2004 6:29 AM. (Nick Southall)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No, I was imagining a scrotum that actually was pulled from your body because it stuck to the skin of your inner thigh.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 14th, 2004 6:32 AM. (Dan Perry)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You mean like pulled off entirely so it spills your testes down the inside of your trousers and they end up in your shoes and before you know it every time you walk you hear a squelching sound which is the sound of all your unejaculated spunk leaking out of your detached balls and pooling in the soles of your loafers?
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 14th, 2004 6:37 AM. (Nick Southall)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hate you.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 14th, 2004 6:42 AM. (Dan Perry)

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha - "loafers"!

― Fat Alberet (nordicskilla), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Torque looks good, dude.
-- Fat Alberet (nordicskill...), January 14th, 2004

― dean! (deangulberry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

!

― Fat Alberet (nordicskilla), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Re: Castaway...

I really wanted to kiss this movie's nuts for being so great.
-- Fat Alberet (nordicskill...), January 14th, 2004.

― dean! (deangulberry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope s1ocki has my back on that one but you never know with him...

― Fat Alberet (nordicskilla), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

A classic one-two.

― dean! (deangulberry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:36 (twenty-one years ago)

That nutsack thing gave me both the heebies and the jeebies, and I don't even have balls.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Full disclosure: I was being ironic in one of those posts.

― Fat Alberet (nordicskilla), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:40 (twenty-one years ago)

(I meant the Chris V. one, just to be clear)

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:41 (twenty-one years ago)

That's why I put one of those posts first.

― dean! (deangulberry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate having to work hard for the first two weeks of the quarter and therefore missing out on all this as it happens. Oy!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

what if aliens contacted us, and all they wanted to do was drone on and on about 'shaggable' popstars, and poke fun at fat people?
-- Pashmina (pashmin...), January 15th, 2004.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:56 (twenty-one years ago)

What about clothes for really small people? Some US size smalls are HUGE!
-- Fat Alberet (nordicskill...), January 14th, 2004 5:31 PM. (nordicskilla)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The boys section?
-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), January 14th, 2004 5:33 PM. (Nicole)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*weeps*
-- Fat Alberet (nordicskill...), January 14th, 2004 5:34 PM. (nordicskilla)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not a boy, not yet a man...
-- Fat Alberet (nordicskill...), January 14th, 2004 5:34 PM. (nordicskilla)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fat Britney!
-- Leee Majors (redhalcyo...), January 14th, 2004 5:35 PM. (Leee)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 15 January 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

LEAVE ME ALONE

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 22nd, 2002.

If I wanted to be left alone I would not be posting to make a thread top of the new answers list.

-- Emma (emmaluvscak...), March 22nd, 2002.

....

I thought N. was in ET.

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 22nd, 2002.

True story: the other day, a v.confused friend of mine confessed that she had been telling people that I had been up for the role of Luke Skywalker.

Important (to me) point to clear up re: what suzy said above. My E.O.S exploits were nothing to do with my dad being an actor. At least not in the Gwyneth Paltrow sense - no doubt my upbringing/genes led to an interest in acting but no strings were pulled. The casting staff were just going around looking at school plays.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 22nd, 2002.

Actually, I thought N. was ET.

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 22nd, 2002.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 22nd, 2002.

It explains why Henry Thomas is a Belle and Sebastian fan, doesn't it?

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 22nd, 2002.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 15 January 2004 03:03 (twenty-one years ago)

From a C-Man thread

I don't understand, if you thing some of us are okay, why you don't make us happy by just stopping posting here? You ruin posts when you want to, you ruin them when you don't want to. Everyone's gone way beyond toleration and forgiveness now - you're simply a nuisance. Please, just go away with good grace and maybe, just maybe, some of us will forget the troll and remmeber someone who at least bowed out with dignity.
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), January 13th, 2004 1:04 PM. (link)


That was to stevem, obv.
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), January 13th, 2004 1:04 PM. (link)

― Silly Sailor (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 15 January 2004 03:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to shag Man-At-Arms!

-- ce-man (maste...), January 15th, 2004.

― the baby from three men and a baby, but all growed up (nordicskilla), Thursday, 15 January 2004 03:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Those balls have been waxed. And now, I die.

-- TOMBOT (THE.GOGGLE...), January 8th, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 15 January 2004 07:11 (twenty-one years ago)

--stevem

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 15 January 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you realise if Sarah Jessica Parker and Dave Grohl had a child, it would actually be a horse?

-- Dom Passantino (killallgoth...), March 13th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 15 January 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Yo wtf is up with you guys not rinsing your plates? I am off to shoot dice in the alley
Trace-dude

-- stevem (bluesk...), January 15th, 2004.

― Enrique (Enrique), Thursday, 15 January 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

The latter half of my senior year in high school, me & my crew had a weed connection that worked third shift at Denny's. We'd go in there and he would oh-so-sneakily place the dopesack in one of the folded (and now BULGING) menus. We'd leave a $30+ tip. This worked out for at least a couple weeks, until one day he got pulled over with five POUNDS of herb disguised as a BABY resting in a car-seat. What a mulleted douchebag.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Ladies and gentlemen, the only result I just got for "Lego Porn":

http://gpclan.girlpower.dhs.org/graphics/stuff/Spiderman_Lego.jpg

-- Allyzay (fuckedupindividuals @ inthisworld.com), January 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UHHHHH I just realized safe search was on and did the search again and have now been treated to lego man fucking a lego cat. THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING PEOPLE.

-- Allyzay (ohgod @ ohgod.com), January 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU can dance, YOU can jive!
for chrissakes man, you're having the time of your life. oooooo-wooooo.

-- stevem (bluesk...), January 15th, 2004.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 15 January 2004 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll hide in the trunk, for the ambush factor. Just don't forget about me back there.
-- Luigi Vampa (handsomishbo...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

Here's your oxygen tank, as Luna might kvetch if I shoot airholes in her trunk.
-- Nichole Graham (britbab...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

she's such a prude like that
-- Luigi Vampa (handsomishbo...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

Hey mann, my trunk has a safety release and everything!
-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

Did you specifically look for that?
Like, when you were car shopping, did you say, "Does this have a safety release in the trunk? Suffocating key members of my strike team is getting to be a drag."
-- Luigi Vampa (handsomishbo...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

Of course!*
*No, he made a point of telling me... 'if your son is playing in the trunk and gets accidentally locked in, he can get out.

First of all, what kind of shitty parent do you think I AM? "Oh no, he'd never get locked in the trunk, he's too busy playing in the abandoned refrigerator in the alley."

-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 15 January 2004 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Bad form to post summat you were involved with, but this sent me over the edge...

I hear his band he tours with is the shit.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 15th, 2004 6:16 PM. (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, I heard that too. But he's coming with a dj and c'est tout.
-- cybele (noemailatpresen...), January 15th, 2004 6:57 PM. (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D'oh!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 15th, 2004 6:59 PM. (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I misread that as "c'est trout". I would definitely go see any musician who was touring with a fish.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 15th, 2004 7:32 PM. (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan Perry loves Marillion!
-- Llahtuos Kcin (auspiciousfis...), January 15th, 2004 7:34 PM. (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bastard.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 15th, 2004 7:37 PM. (later)

― Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Thursday, 15 January 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

live music sucks
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

seriously, i could get drunk and be around people i dont like if i stayed in my room and put the album on.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 15 January 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

stay tuned, i got some hot redeye action coming up for yas.
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

just gotta move my car before i gets a ticket
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

sorry changed my mind, this photo should not be seen by the naked human eye.
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

What if we wrapped our eyes in cheesecloth?
-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...) (webmail), January 15th, 2004. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 15 January 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

On "Critters 4":

it's set in space.
like all movies should be.
-- Slump Man (mrmummr...), January 16th, 2004.

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

rib cages are not sexy.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

in the slightest.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

[pic of plate of BBQ ribs here]

-- ROWR (djperr...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

finger lickin good

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

dammit dan, now i'm hungry

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

I WIN

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

no I WIN because i just ate a hamburger

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

Drat.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

foiled again by gluttony

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

(the title of my autobiography)

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 January 2004 03:10 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cheyps.blogger.com.br/lego%20verdade.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 16 January 2004 03:12 (twenty-one years ago)

haha "orégano"

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 16 January 2004 06:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I HATE YOU GUYS!
YOU'RE ALL FASCISTS!

NONE OF YOU HAS AS SOPHISTIMICATED SENSE OF HUMOUR AS ME!

STOP SPUNKING IN MY FOOD!

LEAVE MY MAGS ALONE!

STOP THUMPING/KNEEING ME IN THE BACK! ALSO BUNDLES REALLY FUCKING HURT!

STOP HIJACKING MY CAMWHORES TO TELL THEM I'M A GAY LEPROSY DWARF! IT'S NOT FUNNY!

BASTARDS!


-- C- Man (cma...), January 15th, 2004 9:50 PM. (later)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 16 January 2004 10:46 (twenty-one years ago)

omg!@# WTF!@#!@#

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 16 January 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not the real C-Man, sadly. It's on the ILX kitchen noticeboard thread.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 16 January 2004 11:02 (twenty-one years ago)

also some of us saddos have been around here for more than one birthday
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

saddo pandington
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 15th, 2004.

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 16 January 2004 12:43 (twenty-one years ago)

rootin tootin masturbootin
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 15th, 2004 5:48 PM. (dubplatestyle)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 January 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

from the "moving to NYC" thread:

The worst that could happen is that I run out of money, can't get a job, can't afford to live, and end up living in the gutter like a common pygmy.
But you're right, it'd be a laugh.

-- Johnney B (stigoftdum...), January 16th, 2004 5:10 AM.

― tweemu (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 16 January 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

from "great moments in '90s mediocrity":

Let's go lounge: Combustible Edison, Love Jones, Brian Setzer Orchestra---those fuckers with the moogs---all those fuckers with the moogs!
-- Rod Smith (cataclystworl...), January 16th, 2004 2:30 AM.

― tweemu (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 16 January 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

From his own "Films where some kid's older brother gets turned into a big steaming turd at the end by a one time
aftershave model who was shagging Steven Seagal" thread:

I can only think of "Weird Science" but surely there are others?

-- C-Man (cma...), January 16th, 2004.

I don't want to encourage him, but this was actually funny.

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Friday, 16 January 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Check Excelsior...

How do I do this?

-- C-Man (cma...), January 16th, 2004.

put yr head up yr ass and blow

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 16th, 2004.

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't even know what that means...i think i'm still drunk somehow

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

And as a result of his first nomination for this thread (series):

From the FAQ bit of ILXor, I'd like to say that the addition at the bottom should be added immediately. Thanks
I love ILx, Who Should I Thank?
You should thank (and so should I):
- Phil Greenspun, for providing server and software free in the first place.
- Andrew Gerrand, for providing server space in the second place.
- Graham P, for coding the new ILX.
- Mark S, Mike Daddino and Sean for their work categorising and preserving old threads.
- David Raposa, for registering our new domain name.
-C-Man, for his hilarious and refreshing threads which attract many new people to the board for jovial laughs.


-- C-Man (cma...) (webmail), January 16th, 2004. (link)

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

(Um, you know you don't have to post something here just because you laughed at it, right?)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I didn't know that. Oh.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Most unfunny excelsior thread evah.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

c-man is not allowed on this thread because more people think he is wiggedy-wack

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

(It's not that he's not allowed, it's just that I fear him posting all of his own posts here. But anyway, to be a total hypocrite here's something that made me laugh a few seconds ago:)


There's just something about shit-your-pants stories that makes them the funniest things on earth.

-- Dan I. (w1nt3rmut...), December 15th, 2003. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think it's the shit in pants part.

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), December 15th, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

(maybe if he gets positive responses to his non-total-dumbass-shit, he'll grow into a real person by the time he's 14)

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

From Bryans shit story:

"Within feet of my yard I knew the main shit onslaught was coming but I’d reached the Promised Land, or so I thought."

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 16 January 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

There was once an incident of someone puking in my sink, then pulling up a chair and going to sleep on the counter. In the meanwhile, my roommate went and put a half eaten cheesecake in my sink (???? she wasn't even drunk). Upon awaking, drunk person was convinced he'd thrown up a cheesecake and was freaking out completely.
-- Allyzay (booze'n'pills'n'909@(at)hooray.com), January 16th, 2004 10:35 AM. (later) (link)

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I love puking threads. Why were so many people drinking so much on a Thursday night anyway!?
-- Dan I. (w1nt3rmut...), January 16th, 2004 2:14 PM. (Dan I.)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thurs...day?
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 16th, 2004 2:15 PM. (dubplatestyle)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 January 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

From "Mystikal gets sentenced to jail":

from yahoo news:
The victim's civil attorney, Harry Ezim Jr. said he felt that justice had been served for his client.

"She can start the healing process," Ezim said. "Mystikal mystified my client, and today he was mystified by the court system."


-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 16th, 2004.

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

One time I was wasted and hungry and only had access to a gigantor bowl of skittles and ate the whole thing and ended up puking the entire color spectrum all over these people's back porch. Some asshat came running along trying to shove a canvas under my pukehole but I was done by then. TASTE THE RAINBOW!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 16th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A canvas??! What?
-- Allyzay (itsadeadbodypats...), January 16th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

If this happened in Richmond, i would understand.
-- El Spinktor (jerk_potat...), January 16th, 2004. (

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Fucking ARTISTS.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 16th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I ate a bunch of food coloring hoping to change my turds color once. Maybe I can shit on one of their canvases. I hope they like shades of green.
-- El Spinktor (jerk_potat...), January 16th, 2004. (

----------------------------------------------------------------------

NICKALICIOUS DID HE HAVE ON AN EYEPATCH? WAS HE WITH A JAPANESE GIRL?!! DID HE MENTION HIS NEXT ALBUM??? OH GOD.
-- Allyzay (ohn...), January 16th, 2004. (later)

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 16 January 2004 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

(Where is Bryan's shit story?) (OMG I can't believe I'm asking this.)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 16 January 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

These lyrics are basically always about how they just busted a phat cap in their homeez azzes. Or about how "life is hard in the ghetto". Nobody fucking gives a shit how life is in the ghetto, last time I was in the ghetto my wallet got stolen, so shut the fuck up.

http://www.angelfire.com/nv/rapsucks1/

-- $$ (...), January 16th, 2004.

I think he's actually talking about Elvis.

-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), January 16th, 2004.

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

can we please keep a 'house stash' of condoms in the kitchen for emergencies from now on as last night both me and Matt DC and Barry all got lucky at once (not wiv each uvver you PERVS) and we all had to do wivout (except barry who has stinky breath this morning don't ask why) i feel this would help the moral of the house lots and lots who's chipping in, eh? you have to replace every time you use one (note - these are NOT for 'posh wanks', Barry, only real live sex with gurls or boys!)
thnx Nick

-- Llahtuos Kcin (auspiciousfis...), January 15th, 2004 6:37 AM. (Nick Southall) (later) (link)

― posh wank! (teeny), Friday, 16 January 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"We're out of juice! What would Snoop Dogg do?? I KNOW, MILK!!"
-- Allyzay (iamgettingsic...), January 16th, 2004 6:21 PM. (later)

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 16 January 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus, none of the people on that site than think of titles. They're hot as all get-out when it comes to making up stupid names for themselves, but ask them to think of a title for something they've actually made and all of a sudden it's all "I'm Princess Arwen Evenstar, I don't have to think of titles"
-- Matt (Mat...), January 17th, 2004. (later)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Let's face it, Kyle. You'd watch televised darts if a depressive dark-haired female walked across screen every now and again and there was a suitably gloomy soundtrack.

-- Fatal Beret (nordicskill...), January 13th, 2004 10:26 AM.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Saturday, 17 January 2004 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry, dude, but Eli Woods's performance was SO awful. "Look, I'm making a SIMPERING face". I guess the difference is that Keanu's one expression is kind of vague and "ME TARZAN"ish while Eli's is more "HI YOU CAN KICK MY ASS AT ANY TIME" so it's kind of taking sides.
-- Allyzay (youknowitstru...), January 16th, 2004 7:22 AM.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 17 January 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Teeny, is that so? I'd never noticed one cheek was first. Makes sense, though.
Being Italian I always have an excuse to go for two (not in a lechy way, I just mean it gives me a sort of rule). What I find more of a problem is when you go for a kiss and get a hug or vice versa, especially if their hug-lunge means you end up kissing their neck or ear which is very embarrassing!

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...) (webmail), January 17th, 2004 5:07 AM. (Mark C) (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Worst is when they trip you up and you end up fellating them.
-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), January 17th, 2004 8:54 AM. (nickdastoor) (later) (link)

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Saturday, 17 January 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

When I am referring specifically to the bit that doesn't include Northern Ireland, I say 'Ireland'. Unless I am talking to a republican person from the six counties in the North, who I think might be pissed off at the implication that where they live isn't also Ireland, in which case I might say 'the south', unless the context doesn't make it clear that I'm not talking about southern England or southern US, in which case I might say 'southern Ireland' but make it clear that I am using 'southern' with a small s, by doing a little jig.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 15th, 2004.

― youn, Sunday, 18 January 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

if n. ate a cheesesteak wouldn't it be like when garfield went on the diet and then ate one potato chip and his belly poofed back out again?
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 18th, 2004 8:10 AM. (dubplatestyle) (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No, because Garfield is shit.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 18th, 2004 8:11 AM. (nickdastoor) (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

your logic is faulty.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), January 18th, 2004 8:13 AM. (dubplatestyle) (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

your slip is showing.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 18th, 2004 8:29 AM. (nickdastoor) (later) (link)

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 18 January 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

From the drunk and puking thread

elsewher people are discussing derrida
-- mullygrubber

― Anna (Anna), Sunday, 18 January 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

All of SEX OVER THE INTERNET!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 18 January 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I thot it was all guys? Are you telling porkies? I've never hit on female band members.
-- C-Man (cma...), January 18th, 2004 9:09 AM. (C-Man)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so which male band members have you hit on? personally i think you'd look great with Mick Hucknall up your arse
-- stevem (bluesk...), January 19th, 2004 11:15 AM. (blueski)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 19 January 2004 00:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I Wouldn't Normally Do This Sort Of Thing, but:

Orlando Bloom? More like Orlando Blgay.
-- Dom Passantino (.....), January 19th, 2004 1:39 AM. (Dom Passantino) (later)

― Ferrrrrrg (Ferg), Monday, 19 January 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

liquorice--the real stuff--is made of anise, liquorice root extract and molasses. It's the molasses that makes it black.

oh, also, I'm a big gay loser and my name is Phil

-- phil-two (philtw...), January 19th, 2004.

LUCAS REBICK, I CURSE YOU!

-- phil-two (philtw...), January 19th, 2004.

GO TO HELL AND MAY YOU ONLY PACK WOOLY SWEATERS!

-- phil-two (philtw...), January 19th, 2004.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

From the "great moments in 90's mediocrity" thread:

Brian Eno's start-up music for Windows '95.
-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), January 19th, 2004 3:55 PM. (epicharmus)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 19 January 2004 06:42 (twenty-one years ago)

An oldie but a goodie from the "Is Crack Cocaine really so bad?" thread:

There is nothing like a crack rush while you are getting your booty animalistically hammered with 10 or more inches.
-- Jackie (comfyspar...), September 3rd, 2002.

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Monday, 19 January 2004 10:32 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny because it's true.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 19 January 2004 10:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I want pictures of Sebastion Bach - upside down please. If only to remind of when my (slightly homophobic hair metal obsessed) friend from high school saw a picture of him upside down and asked who that babe was.

-- Jedmond (jedmon...), January 16th, 2004

― the icebox (nordicskilla), Monday, 19 January 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I know what the "i" in "imomus" stands for.
-- Sarah (starr...), January 19th, 2004 4:04 PM. (later)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 19 January 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

murray took a risk in doing a movie that's as close to plotless as mainstream-ish movies get. it could have been a huge artistic failure instead of one of the best films of the last twenty-five years. he couldn't have known that going in, so it's a risk.

-- dan (dregan2...), October 4th, 2003.

you're talking about Meatballs right?

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 4th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

from the alan clarke thread:

if you have no computers/internet access though you may be miffed about all the stuff that's on BBCi that you've paid for. Of course everyone reading this now has.. got.. internet access.
-- ken c (kenneth.ch...), January 19th, 2004. (later)

I haven't! This is all being relayed to me by the medium of dance.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 19th, 2004. (later)


Can I stop doing this 'u r all gay' step now, please?
-- Matt DC (runmd...), January 19th, 2004. (later)


Only if you're ready to do do do the funky cockfarmer.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 19th, 2004. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't take it out on me if you're thick and can't get into a proper uni.

-- C-Man (cma...), January 19th, 2004. (later)

Wow, so much is clear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I am never wearing this outfit again; I was just asked if I was a "sexy football referee"

At least you got "sexy." The floor guy asked me which airline I worked for, not which "sexy" airline I worked for.

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), August 6th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

In my world, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey would've looked a lot more like Behind Enemy Lines!!! Haha I remember my joke about BEL now, the bad guy seemed like he was just pissed off because he accidentally wandered on set en route to a Guy Ritchie movie. "69, dude!" (blows the shit out of guy in tracksuit) (cue Gene Hackman looking smugly sympathetic)

-- Allyzay (owenwilso...), January 19th, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Done it without any help from you lot now. Black fishnets, black mini rara skirt, black 20's style top with dark sequins, black stilleteos, and dead posh underwear. Ta da! Or ra ra!
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), January 17th, 2004 6:56 PM. (Anna) (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No hate that actually. I hate all my clothes and need to loose weight.
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), January 17th, 2004 7:01 PM. (Anna) (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh God, I'm going to be late now and I still look like a showgirl who got stuck in a hippy commune.
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), January 17th, 2004 7:06 PM. (Anna) (later)

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny because it's true!

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Not true, I mean.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh why don't you just go hang out with Malkovitch, you smug git.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

?? where is the smug

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny because it's true!
-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), January 19th, 2004 5:47 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not true, I mean.
-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), January 19th, 2004 5:48 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh why don't you just go hang out with Malkovitch, you smug git.
-- Allyzay (howcom...) (webmail), January 19th, 2004 5:49 PM.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 19 January 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I love how she always looks like she's got nuts in her mouth. If you squeezed her face I bet you'd get some weird, wonderful facial girl-cum.

-- Le Coq (darrensco...), January 18th, 2004.

But I'd be happy with cookie-dough!

-- Le Coq (darrensco...), January 18th, 2004.

I'm not sure what to make of that.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 18th, 2004.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

you know what you people all need to do? NOT DRINK COFFEE IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE TASTE OF COFFEE! i have hot chocolate powder in the cupboard if you would like something sweet, milky and innofensive to your UNTERMENCH palate, it's swine like you that make it impossible to find a decent long black in this country/post-geographical franchise opportunity universe - because all the coffee is too BURNT AND ACIDIC rather than deliciously, delicately caramelised, so you PHILISTINES can still taste it through your great swathes of milk and sugar!

-- petra jane (il...), January 19th, 2004 10:20 PM.

― tweemu (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

If I get a puppy I'm going to call it MacSweeney. Then i'm going to smash it's face off with a spade.

-- Matt (Mat...), January 19th, 2004.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

that's more disturbing than funny

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

It could be a Jello puppy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

You say disturbing, I say heartbreaking work of staggering comedy, it's two sides of the same coin.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm too twee to ever hurt an innocent, defenseless puppy.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Milquetoast.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

S and D: Classic C-Man comments on ILM

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

http://chocolate.ratemypuppy.com/datastore/42/e4/b/42e40bbe33de9b67ac0e1ba1fb3e9038.jpg

― ModJ (ModJ), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

You say disturbing, I say heartbreaking work of staggering comedy, it's two sides of the same coin.
-- Allyzay

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 19 January 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

"Pigs nustling at their breast, tatoos all over, wearing nothing but socks on stage, grabbing themselves, wearing lingerie, humping the floor, wearing t shirts that say bang on them"

-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), January 18th, 2004.

― Allyzay, Monday, 19 January 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

bozack isn't the proper spelling is it?
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 5th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


erick and parrish say otherwise, b
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 5th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stand corrected then!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 5th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yes, they speak through me
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 5th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"ugnnghhhhh strongooooo why dooooo i riiideee in a samuraaaai suzuuukkiiii"
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 5th, 2003

― %%, Monday, 19 January 2004 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Forget it, Ronan... it's Chinatown.

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), January 19th, 2004.

― the icebox (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

haha:

201 01 Loop "Black Sun" (from Fade Out)
202 02 Royal Trux "Strawberry Soda" (from Royal Trux, the, um, first s/t one)
203 03 Enya "Orinoco Flow" (from Watermark)

i kiss you sooooooo much

-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), January 20th, 2004. (later)

This is what's called "None of these bands will really get along with the others so let's just get them a halfway house somewhere along the track list road"

-- donut bitch (do...), January 20th, 2004. (later)

It's a Celebrity Real World before its time, sorta.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 20th, 2004. (later)



I loved the episode where Herrema peed on Enya's bed.

-- donut bitch (do...), January 20th, 2004. (later)

but then they all did heroin and listened to kitaro, so it's win-win, baby.

-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), January 20th, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Instead of Easter we will now celebrate "Deathalude"

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), November 22nd, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 02:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm still amazed that no members of Pseudo Echo have googled this thread

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), January 19th, 2004. (electricsound) (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

wasn't colin in pseudo echo?
-- mullygrubber (tinydemon...), January 19th, 2004. (gaz) (later)

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 04:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahah the best thing about that is only about 5 of us will get it :D

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 04:54 (twenty-one years ago)

exclusivity is sexy

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 04:58 (twenty-one years ago)

*pounds on Southern Hemisphere smuggo door querulously demanding access to this knowledge*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:00 (twenty-one years ago)

wait trayce are there more layers to this joke than even i can detect?

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:02 (twenty-one years ago)

cos if so, exclusivity is unsexy.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm confused now.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:06 (twenty-one years ago)

colin was actually in a pseudo echo side project that featured no original members of pseudo echo at all

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:07 (twenty-one years ago)

WHOOOAAAAAAAAAA colin there is a beast for you in my heart!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:09 (twenty-one years ago)

hehehe and he's not even here to defend himself from these allegations! hurrah!

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:11 (twenty-one years ago)

And now, we return you to your regularly scheduled LOL thread... err sorry everyone.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

not so much a laugh, more a my god when will he fukc off.

1/"when I go to another country I attempt to "fit in" with that culture as best I can for my time there. I don't desire, or want, to bring attention to myself as a foreigner or to my foreign ways."

2/"Listen man, get lippy to me next time in your part of the woods.

Just. Fucking. Try. It."

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 09:31 (twenty-one years ago)

In fairness, the second one there was due to some particularly pointless aggravation from Ned.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 09:38 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not the first time he's threatened violenec against ned.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

"violenec"?? ergh...

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely I'm not the only Monster Garage fan? (Unanswered)


― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

violened

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely I'm not the only Monster Garage fan? (Unanswered, posted at 12:00 am)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Blurb For ILX:

C-Man and some other people.
-- C-Man

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

that isn't funny that's fucking pathetic!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

it is funny on sooooo many levels at this point.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, I see your point now. "Setting the agenda", yes?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt,
He's claimed that had nothing to do with him, that it was other departments. In fact, during Hutton he basically implied he had nothing to do with anything ever. As did Hoon and Campbell.

-- aldo_cowpat

And Shaggy.
-- Matt DC

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

In fairness, the second one there was due to some particularly pointless aggravation from Ned.

I merely gave C-Man a little bit of what he fancied. And he DOES fancy it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Nederast.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

If you ever, under any circumstances, go to Kent State University, then just fucking shoot yourself because your life will be a living hell.

Is that from the Neil Young song?


-- Luigi Vampa (handsomishbo...), January 19th, 2004 7:16 AM.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

hi
-- Amir mahmoud (Am_dn...), January 20th, 2004.

------------------------------------------------------

Fuck you.
-- ModJ (Mod...), January 20th, 2004.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

im not sold on kerry. he looks like frankenstein. nobody is ever going to vote for someone who looks like frankenstein.

-- bill stevens (bscrubbin...), January 20th, 2004 4:43 PM. (bscrubbins)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BILL STEVENS OTM.
"I present the next President of the United States: JOHN KERRY!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNGH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAR! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH!" *throws little girl into well*

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 20th, 2004 4:45 PM. (Dan Perry)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN YOUR EX BLAMES YOUR FOR FUCKING UP HER LIFE WHEN SHE'S BE FUCKED UP REGARDLESS OF WHO SHE HOOKED UP WITH?

Beautiful layers upon layers of ironing, flapping in the wind. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.

― the river fleet, Tuesday, 20 January 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

& on another note, I've gto a great idea for a new reality series wherein I offer the greedy and/or gullible 1 000 000$ to get the words "I am a whore" tattooed across their foreheads.
-- Intravenus De Milo (****...), January 20th, 2004 9:13 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'd totally do that
-- Slump Man (mrmummr...), January 21st, 2004 11:04 AM. (Slump Man)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if it was a tasteful font
-- Slump Man (mrmummr...), January 21st, 2004 11:04 AM. (Slump Man)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"I love to finger-bang our Heavenly Father!"

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 20th, 2004. (Dan Perry) (later)

― todd swiss (eliti), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"I hate people who think they're so clever. How can I show them that *I* am the one who is really clever?"
-- oops

---------------------------------

be clever.
-- cozen

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 02:03 (twenty-one years ago)

"Like Proust and his madelaines this record will make you remember all that other shit that you hate." ( I read a lot of litcrit that mentions Proust and his madelaines-is that even how you spell madelaine-and it's a great crit cliche cuz you only have to read like 5 pages of Swann's Way to use it.)
-- scott seward (skotro...), January 21st, 2004 8:29 PM.

― all you need to remember is the apostrophe in "cliff's notes" (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasps do have a useful role scavenging for the larvae of other insects, controlling garden pests and clearing carcasses early in the season. They even dispose of rotten timber if available. However, they may carry disease picked up during their visits to dustbins, bottle banks and carcasses and can contaminate food if allowed to settle on it.

-- Miss R Harrison

― something about that made me laugh (Oops), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Just the thought of some wasps off to the bottle banks with their empty bottles of becks.... (for me anyway, I'm easily amused)

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Very funny, but how is all this supposed to increase my dick size
-- Le Coq

― hmmm, Wednesday, 21 January 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Re Gwyneth: you can have her.
Thank you.

-- luna (luna_cee...), January 21st, 2004 6:45 AM. (later)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trannies belong to no one!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 21st, 2004 6:46 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you for the map, Momus, it is a thing of beauty. I realise that you probably included it by accident (it being a map by county), as it raises questions you have no intention of answering (why did south Texas vote Gore, for example) but hey, found art and all that.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), January 21st, 2004 12:30 PM. (later)

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

it's actually the view that 'i went to college and got my degree now i demand the job i deserve' that strikes me as the far more conservative viewpoint. obviously we all hope that people get the jobs they deserve or even want, but the idea of entitlement does seem dubious - when did it ever not?
-- stevem (bluesk...), January 21st, 2004.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I'm the entitled one!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 21st, 2004.

― Enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

That whole thread is an unexpected fount of comedy. calum = janus, having a heated argument with himelf.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

This weekend I went to a party. My friends and I played an impromtu show for the party. An eighteen year old girl came up to me and told me she wanted "to fuck me". I told her to go ask my wife if it was ok.
-- Chris V (formerlypoopsmcge...) (webmail), January 21st, 2004 6:21 AM. (Chris V) (later) (link)

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

What did she say?

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

No.

― Chris V (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I felt like Larry David.

― Chris V (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I see. And where was this party, exactly?

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Massachusetts.

― Chris V (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Chris' head.

― Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Interesting...

*writes "Massachusetts" in notebook*

x-post.

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 21 January 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Eternal life vs. hobbit sex?
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 12th, 2004.

Aren't they the same thing?
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), January 12th, 2004.

Pervert.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), January 12th, 2004.

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Thursday, 22 January 2004 03:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd say "yes that's me" as you play with my rod
As one does.

-- @d@ml (nordiailto:@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.c">@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com), January 22nd, 2004 7:29 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah you have to confirm that sort of thing.
-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), January 22nd, 2004 7:30 PM.

― sym (shmuel), Thursday, 22 January 2004 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Allyzay, I'm not basing my judgement on Ms. Hilton's twinznat on the video, but on the paparrazzi shot of her getting out of the automobile without panties. It looks like a party with not enough chairs.
-- 2 Pretty 4 Porn (darrensco...), January 22nd, 2004.

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Thursday, 22 January 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I could never stand Bangs. No, when I was a lad I just wanted to be Paul Morley, and in a funny way, I now am.
-- Phoebe Dinsmore (aros...), January 22nd, 2004 11:23 AM. (later)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 22 January 2004 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

http://ilx.wh3rd.net/newanswers.php?board=2

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 22 January 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Exchange of the year so far:

WTF? Look, shut the fuck up, you don't know what you're talking about and I'm not going to open wounds here for your benefit. Don't presume to know what the fuck I went through or belittle me by thinking I'm playing a victim card. Oh yeah, of course, men can't be abused. Just fuck off.

-- C-Man (cma...), January 22nd, 2004. (later)

Dude, don't get so angry. For the last time. We're. Winding. You. Up.

-- Paul D*vis (davispaul8...), January 22nd, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 22 January 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Interesting...
*writes "Massachusetts" in notebook*

x-post.

-- ModJ (Mod...), January 21st, 2004. (later)

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 22 January 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

From the "Whatever Happened to Rick James?" thread:

"I'm right here, baby, I never went away... you know when there's just one set of footprints? That's when Rick James is carrying you..."

-- Ben Boyer (fiestasandsiesta...), January 22nd, 2004.

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Is there a new excelsior thread now?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

No, we've all stopped finding anything funny.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

(Do a find on 'jerk time')

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

MORE LAUGHING OUT LOUD CIRCLE JERK TIME HOORAY.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)


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