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"I left my Harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"

"It's a knick kanck, Paddywack, give the Frog a loan!"

"OK, but...why the big paws?"

"That's the sherrif's girl!!!"

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"just like when I stabbed that hobo"

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"oh, that's john."

"and that was the first time in history that reign was called on account of fame"

"i guess i'm just a bad conductor."

― Ian Johnson (orion), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"If I could walk THAT way, I wouldn't NEED aftershave."

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"No, no, nurse! I asked you to PRICK his BOIL!"

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

The lady holds the bartender over her Harvey Wallbanger and yells "Spit it out you bastard!"

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:12 (twenty-two years ago)

"a stick"

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, this was a bad idea....I assumed i'd know all the jokes, but..now I just wanna hear the whole thing!

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"Grass. I was kidding about the wheels."

― Prude (Prude), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yeah, and it's deep too."

― maypang (maypang), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Actually, it spells 'Saskatechwan.'"

"I weel take a dozen copies of numero 3, and eez numero 5 available in poster size?"

"I didn't come here to be insulted! Come on Fanny, we're going home!"

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"You know, a good goat'll do that."

― nonthings (nonthings), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"salmon rusty's titanic verses!"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"...rectum? I nearly killed 'im!"

― Leee Majors (Leee), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"The pig"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"Happy Birthday."

― Helen, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"Matt".

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"this guy!"

― hstencil, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Marcus Pinchas fucked us.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"They don't drown"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"and that's how i met your mother."

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"to get to the other side"

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"I was doing up my shoelaces".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Faulkner? I don't even know her!"

― Prude (Prude), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"and i said that i dont even know how the reese's pieces got in there!"

― todd swiss (eliti), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm a frayed not."

"So I asked Alanis, 'Why the long face?'"

― Leee Majors (Leee), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"I sold 2 dildos and your plaid thermos"
"Rectum Hell, killed the motherfucker!"
"In the mourning after a bad knight, the best thing is a dog of the bear that hit you."

― Speedy Gonzalas (Speedy Gonzalas), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:16 (twenty-two years ago)

a hot stake is better than a cold chop!

― todd swiss (eliti), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Ping Pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't wish for a 12 inch pianist!

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 08:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"So the frog sez 'I woke up this morning with this growing out of my ass' "

"It seats six!"

"Are you looking for rabbits again, vicar?"

"Godammnit! I Can't even get a cup of coffee without that mutherfucker catching up!"

"Tag! Yer It!"

"Yeah, but the cat is a ventriloquist."

"You're Thor? I'm so thor I can hardly pith."

"Well then don't do that!"

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"He had too many problems"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

"Make me one with everything"

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

'What is this, a joke?'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bofus?"

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 09:52 (twenty-two years ago)

She recommend it to anyone!

The rest of the band weren't much better!

More of a weeping sore actually

No, Languedoc

They were very envious indeed

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Well it tastes like a prawn"

"A coffee filter gets tucked in a funnel"

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

'Dad's cock tastes funny'

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I should hope so, we've been married for 20 years.

Yeah, she can even manage a steak now.

Try Locker A as well, while you're up there.

No, more of a spectre.

(An American friend tells me this form of joke is practically unknown in the US).

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"well, i let your brother borrow the car tonight"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"YOU'RE IT!" said the pink gorilla.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"No, I said lick his erection, not wreck his election!"

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"Tonto. Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba"

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Kick his sister in the chin."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

"He was arrested because he crossed state lions for immortal porpoises".

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"That would be putting Descartes before De Horse!"

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

'It was mixin' my toasties'

'Yes please love, two sugars, no milk' (said with a Brummie accent)

― Joe Kay (feethurt), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"It's so when I drive down the street people will say: Look at that 'S' car go"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"And he didn't wake up...! So he's dead. Yeah."

― ModJ (ModJ), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bofus?"

You mean there's more to this than Mike Watt's net identity?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"the dead one's full again!"

― the angry cowboy (dick), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"One nun dead and eighty!"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"But the third nun gave it a good yank!"

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

― maypang (maypang), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

that's why I only date illiterates.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

"Moooooo!"

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Melon-air"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

you think I asked for a ten-inch pianist?

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

because seven ate nine

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

because they're ugly and they stink!

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

"Crunch bird, my ass!"

― J. Ellenberg, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll take the soup.

An erection.

― hmmmm, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"a stick"

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll take the soup.

haha that's like my favorite joke ever!

― "so the hooker says "happy 80th birthday! i'll give you super sex!" (Jody Beth R, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

cool, cos the second one is my fave joke ever.

― hmmm, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

'Get the fuck off my car!'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yeah, and I'm gonna get boobs, too!"

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

one had a stroke and the other couldn't reach

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

no-one's laughing now!

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"That's the Jewish way!"

"The one with the biggest tits"

"Wheeeeeee!"

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yeah,...and they're in favour 15 to 2."

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

'the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"My dixie wrecked."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

"The backstroke, sir."

"You wear a ring on your finger and a rang on your fanger."

"flip flip."

"an erection."

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"NUTS!"

― jel -- lennium -- (jel), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

'the one in the middle went home for lunch'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

it does, doesn't it!

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

"well, at least i don't have cancer."

"you know what, mister, i'm not really a welder."

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Flatbush"

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Too many thank you notes"

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Oh, they're Episcopalians, and they used a salad fork to eat eat dinner."

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

'Dad says either you give him the blowjob or I have to, but lay off the intercom button'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!"

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

'Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Poker? I just met her"

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

'I screwed your dog and shit in your purse - I'm out of here'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"Vibrator, my ass"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"SUPPLIES!!!"

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"What you want, a cookie? You're SUPPOSED to take care of your kids!"

― mike a, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey-a lady, I'm just a tryin to tella my friend how to spell 'Mississippi'"

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis"
"at the BP station!"

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"you can't eat the bowling balls"

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 22:11 (twenty-two years ago)

'anyone can stew beef'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 22:12 (twenty-two years ago)

The woman replied, “Get in line”

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

“Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer??”

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"Pepper," he says.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 23:18 (twenty-two years ago)

they'd say "where the fuck are we?"

― pete s, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"You don't understand -- Chunks is my dog."

"Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?"

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 18 February 2004 05:21 (twenty-two years ago)

this is like a movie spoilers only thread!!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 18 February 2004 05:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Dil's a Maaaaaan, Baby!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 18 February 2004 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

Getting blood on your clown suit.

― LSTD (answer) (sexyDancer), Thursday, 6 January 2005 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

oooh, then youre going to HATE thursdays...

― peter smith (plsmith), Thursday, 6 January 2005 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i said "go get the POSSE!"

― peter smith (plsmith), Thursday, 6 January 2005 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

this is like a movie spoilers only thread!!
or a brilliant joke-teller's cheat sheet.

No thanks, stranger, I've got to move along. Big John's a-comin' to town.

So he took out his lunch and I took out mine.

Iceberg, Goldberg, same thing.

Death by Ru-ru!

Tonto. Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba
Allow me to introduce myself, Dr. Tonto Ginsburg.

It's not just the joke, it's the way you tell it.

Yeah, but that's a dynamite suit that he's wearing.

"I didn't come here to be insulted! Come on Fanny, we're going home!"
Things don't look too good for us, do they, Fanny?

But Señor, the matador cannot win every time.

He says your gonna die.

You wear a size 36. Size 34 too tight. You wear size 34, squeeze your balls, give you a headache.

― Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

You hold it down, I'll shit on its head.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

..so I said "that's not my belly-button"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Two horses and half a pig's head.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"What's up my ass, Batman?"

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, I only found her head.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:39 (twenty-one years ago)

buttocks and splayed

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I've got to walk back on my own.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

That's where the tickets are

Abcess makes the farts go Honda

Cos its horns don't work

Lemonectomy, my dear Watson

Cos the parrots eat 'em all

Lonely? I've got to walk back on my own! (xpost haha)

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Ben Hardwick died a virgin.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Only the council could build a play area next to a shit hole

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

shouts `Remember the Alamo!' and chucks out the Mexican

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Players Navy Cut. It's the tobacco that counts.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 12:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"He have a round head."

"I wished for half of my head to look like a giant satsuma."

The second one is my favourite joke in the whole world, originally told to me by Ross Noble and therefore funniest in his accent. I cried and cried, I laughed so hard. But it's one of those jokes that I tell to other people and they blink and say "I don't get it".

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 7 January 2005 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 7 January 2005 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

AND NOW THE SATSUMA JOKE PLEASE

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 7 January 2005 12:25 (twenty-one years ago)

From "Tell me your favourite bad joke":

This is really old but the thread wouldn't be complete without it:
This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.'

So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared.

He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with £1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish, I'd like half my head to be a big orange.'

-- Dan I. (w1nt3rmut...), September 24th, 2003 5:19 PM. (Dan I.)

It's classic. I read it yesterday and was laughing for hours every time I thought about it.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS THREAD IS NOT PUNCHLINES ANY MORE.

"And then she rolled over and fell in the Thames."

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I still maintain that "giant satsuma" in a Geordie accent is funnier than "big orange" in anyone's accent.

"No, you're right, it's an eclair."

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"Monkey? Monkey!? I'm a fucking gorilla ya clown!"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

(I know that's not an official punchline to an existing joke, but it could be couldn't it?)

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeremy Beadle, the other 2 get laid.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"cos he was giving it 'all that'" (crab-like pincer motions with hands)

― maracas (maracas), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

The wan wi' the wee calf.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"well, at least i don't have cancer."

"you know what, mister, i'm not really a welder."

These are among my all time favourites.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Because he's only got wee legs.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

"No, the Red Dye 2."

"You protract'er, you brought 'er."

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

The dark tan yin.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, we haven't caught one yet.

No! Ping Pong balls!

Cuz ye hud nae pies.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

He was in his cell.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Fish'n'ships

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"Son, I spoil that woman."

"Mister T, is that you?"

"That's OK, on the way home I ran into Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater."

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Should read
That's OK, Fairy Godmother, on the way home I ran into Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater."

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

The wan wi' the wee calf.
Is this some sort of wee calf/week off play on the Scottish accent, by any chance?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

No, I've got a girlfriend at Manchester.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

The blacker the Rebbe, the sweeter the Jews!

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 15:52 (twenty years ago)

Ouch.

― Sym Sym (sym), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 23:15 (twenty years ago)

The AFI 100 Years... 100 Quotes special on CBS right now.

― Eric H: not a troll, with one exception (Eric H.), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

"Well, wouldn't you if you had crabs on your bottom?"
"Why not? I'm a fungi!"

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

seven months pass...

"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell off the damn perch!"

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:20 (twenty years ago)

"That's all right," says the nun, "my name is really Steve and I'm on my way to a costume party."

― TRG (TRG), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:36 (twenty years ago)

Zits don't come on your face til you're 13.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:37 (twenty years ago)

that's nacho cheese!

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:47 (twenty years ago)

i can't tell you...you're not a monk.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:51 (twenty years ago)

i don't have a corvette in my garage.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:53 (twenty years ago)

"You shit on my bed, I shit on your head!!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:32 (twenty years ago)

THERE 20 OF EM

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:41 (twenty years ago)

FUCK YOU, CLOWN!

― John Cocktolstoy (John Cocktolstoy), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:46 (twenty years ago)

rectum?!?! Damn near killed him!

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:54 (twenty years ago)

And from that day on they used chairs for money.

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:56 (twenty years ago)

he's completely recovered now!

― Bidfurd (Bidfurd), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

look both ways before you cross the street

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 22:25 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Getting fingered by Captain Hook

― badg, Friday, 23 February 2007 03:39 (nineteen years ago)

He was a super-fragile, calloused mystic plagued with halitosis.

― Maria :D, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:24 (nineteen years ago)

Shredded tweet.

― Maria :D, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:24 (nineteen years ago)

Orange you glad I didn't say orange?

― Maria :D, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:25 (nineteen years ago)

aye dearie, and when was the last damn time you heard an elephant fart underwater?

― remy bean, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:26 (nineteen years ago)

Piss off mate, I'm not sharing this sheep with anyone!

― badg, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:29 (nineteen years ago)

That sheep's a bloody liar!

― badg, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:29 (nineteen years ago)

he should've quit while he was ahead.

― andrew m., Friday, 23 February 2007 15:31 (nineteen years ago)

Zits don't come on your face til you're 13.

haha the first person that ever told me this joke was local lawyer/politician/troublemaker Gatewood Galbraith, about 4 days after I voted for him for KY governor for the 2nd time in my life.

― nickalicious, Friday, 23 February 2007 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

jeez, I think a Kentuckian told it to me! And now I don't remember the setup!!

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

Breaking from the thread intent, but...

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and zits?

― nickalicious, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

dunno

― onimo, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:29 (nineteen years ago)

i remembered, suddenly

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

"with the help of the lord and a big silver spoon I put them all back in"

― jbtime, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

"Roman Polanski!"

(also acceptable: Michael Jackson, Jerry Lee Lewis)

― Oilyrags, Friday, 23 May 2008 18:50 (seventeen years ago)

two years pass...

hummus-side

― Guru Meditation (Ste), Monday, 12 July 2010 20:52 (fifteen years ago)

In Poland.

― ljubljana, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 00:27 (fifteen years ago)

oscillate its tit a lot

― alter ego salsa (another al3x), Tuesday, 13 July 2010 03:49 (fifteen years ago)

To get away from the sound.

― VegemiteGrrrl, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 04:05 (fifteen years ago)

"And that's why I don't eat the crust!"

― Aimless, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 04:05 (fifteen years ago)

five years pass...

who do I look like over here, Jeff frickin' Bezos???

― del griffith, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:06 (ten years ago)

Disaster!

― a little too mature to be cute (Aimless), Monday, 7 March 2016 06:01 (ten years ago)

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