what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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I thought I told her I had the week off. regardless, I hear lots of panting and huffing going on and I'm sort of frozen, because I'd really like to get some lunch but I don't feel like seeing her having sex with one of her guys. What should I do?

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Just get lunch. It is the only way she will learn.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

oh and she just now moaned "do me in the ass" which makes this even more awkward. or hilarious, depending on your POV. It's getting funnier now.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Yell, "okay, hang on, let me find the lube"

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

"Wanna eat?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you should at least set up the tape recorder, Shut Up Little Man-style.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you have a copy of "We Like To Party" handy?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

do you have an answering machine in the living room? if so, give me the number, I'll call and say "______, he's in his room and he can hear you... abort mission!"

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

just add comentary..

YES, DO HER IN THE ASS

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

she's befouling my heretofore innocent couch!!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I should just quietly walk out there with a bag of chips and sit in the corner and watch until they spot me.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

is she hot?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

How do you know where that couch has been?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Post about it to ILX! That'll teach her!!

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"do me in the ass"

"HEY GUYS IM GOING TO GET BURRITOS YOU WANT BURRITOS IM GONNA GET SOME"

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

WEBCAM

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

either that or bust out 'Face Down, Ass Up"

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Listen...

― lysdexic uGy, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, and pictures please, etc.

(heh, x-post)

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

give the guy pointers...
"Aw dude, you're doing it all wrong, you'll never hit the g-spot like that!"

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I bought that couch new and sure I've had my fun on it but man no ass sex that's for damn sure.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

(xpost) Women have a g-spot in their asses???

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

(Meaning, "just the one?")

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

my roommate is hot when you don't live with her or know her well.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Just walk out and say "Oh hey, is this CARLOS?" Unless of course his name is CARLOS, in which case, go back in your room.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

okay in five minutes I'm walking out there, consequences be damned. I need to eat.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

time them, then draw up scorecards based on performance

Stamina: 5
Variety: 2
Dismount: 7

Also, you could grab some pompoms and stand in the corner cheering, "gimme an F, gimme a U, gimme a C, gimme a K, yeahhhh, fuck her in the ass! wooooo!"

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Yesterday was the Jess anticipation, today we have Gear. WHAT WILL TOMORROW BRING?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Dismount"!!!!!!!!!

Luna, you are a genius.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to tap the guy on the shoulder and say "yo I got 'nexties' "

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

One thing is for certain: it's going to hard for you to resist examining that couch afterwards.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

make whale noises

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought they'd be done in five minutes but I'm thinking not, it continues on.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

WOW THE GUY IS A HERO

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

yeash some women only reach orgasm through anal sex, so yeah the g spot is in the ass, for some of them.

( make her buy a new couch)

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Hand them a moist towelette!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to tap the guy on the shoulder and say "yo I got 'nexties'

For super double bonus freak out points, when he goes to get out of the way, say "no dude, I meant YOU."

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I do hope there is no Santorum.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man. what if?

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

That's definitely new couch time.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

yeash some women only reach orgasm through anal sex, so yeah the g spot is in the ass, for some of them

That's because they're men - hel-LO prostate massage!

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

That's why I fear for your couch, Gear.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

This is in West Hollywood, isn't it?

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

call the police and report abuse and then leave

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Come out and spray some Lysol around.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

yes it is. if she's pegging a metrosexual on my couch I will be very displeased!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hey guys, I'm gay!" *spritz spritz*

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

NOW'S THE TIME

wish me well, I know not what I wander into.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I am posting to ILX via my Blackberry.

From your living room.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

nothing like a vigorous bout of ass fucking to get ilx all excited.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

: o

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

slap the ass all casual on your way throught the room. tommorow find your revenge

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I await the dim cries of outrage.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

aaaaaand.....scene.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

(I had to use *spritz* because the onomonapoetic words I was coming up for the sound of an aerosol can sounded distressingly like peeing.)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

phone the Outhere Brothers and get them to agree it is ridiculous

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

do you have a recording of the Dead Alewives' "Dungeons & Dragons"? play that really loud.

"WHERE'S THE CHEETOS? WHERE'S THE MOUNTAIN DEW?"

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

http://kingkong.me.berkeley.edu/~smythe/bubbles/pics/couch.gif

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

alternately, go up there and comment on it, like in the one online pr0n vid where the guy was DPing the white chick with his block & tackle, and his two friends were standing next to him, helping with the commentary.

there's a link to it on here someplace.

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, just walk out there and tell them the couch is communal and ask how she'd feel if you smeared your semen on the kitchen table.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

kephm's ass slapping is my favorite idea - yeah, do that.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, just walk out there and tell them the couch is communal and ask how she'd feel if you smeared your semen on the kitchen table.

And if she says "I never thought you'd ask!" and smears her cummy hinder all over the kitchen, where will that leave poor Gear!?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Order a pizza yo!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

And tell him to just come on in.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"...the water's fine!"

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

just print out this thread and give it them both as a souvenir of this beautiful moment

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

They'll probably just invite him to join in. You know those pizza guys.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"dude don't put that pizza down on the couch! or the table! aw, hell."

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread also marks the first use of the phrase of "cummy behind".

much like john ashcroft testifying before the 9/11 commission, it is truly an historic day.

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

(For a horrified second I thought Nickalicious was replying to me.)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

well????

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22cummy+behind%22&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

― Matthew Cohen (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a URL that already says too much.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

not to... uh, burst your bubble.

― Matthew Cohen (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

It's "cummy HINDER", people!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

This was referred to in my college household as being held "hump hostage".

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i believe it was "cummy hinder." almost sounds not as dirty as it is. xposts.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Ron allowed Mark's piston to plunge in and out of his mouth. His hand worked
under the kid's ass, and a finger slipped into the cummy behind. ...

― Magic City (ano ano), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Well that gets no hits. Nice one.

― Matthew Cohen (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

"dude don't put that pizza down on the couch! or the table! aw, hell."

Extra mozzarella, anyone?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

how dare u.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

that was cheesy, C J

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

At first I thought that this was a MCLILJONPEEPANTSWILLIAMS thread but realized that this had to do with HAVING actual SEX.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

This is clearly one of the all-time greatest threads.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005Q66N.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

(i think he saw the anus)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

SPILL.

(this is way better than the Jess thread!)

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, NOW this is the all-time greatest thread.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000B9E9.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe the guy is Jess!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You thought this thread was about me, dean?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000032B4.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

This is clearly one of the all-time greatest threads.

Easily.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude just get lunch!

I remember waking from a (monumental, sort of carried home style) drunken stupor on holiday in Prague, to find my mate and some girl going at it on the other bed in the same room.

So I thought, I need to go out again, and got up and got dressed and left. It was kind of funny. I later told ridiculous lies about what they were up to.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.fabioifc.com/fabio/FAB_GIFS3/fabio_injured.jpg

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

So Gear!, did you discover that your roommate is Tubgirl or something?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Let's see, Gear's still alive at least, so he wasn't turned to stone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

So are they asleep on the couch in post-coital happiness yet?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

PLEASE tell me you walked into the room unassumingly and then saw the unholy acts being performed and sacrificed your roommate like a goat immediately?

Or at least ran shrieking from the room?

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope they were both wearing your clothes.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

would "spill it" be an unfortunate wording here?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

okay so I figured "this won't be bad, maybe some awkwardness and depending on how it is I'll either keep going to the kitchen or run back to my room"

so of course I walk out there and she's got her ass in the air while this scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attempting to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS.

ON MY COUCH

I go out and this sight actually caused me to go "oh ugh god!" My roommate tumbled out of her awkward position onto the floor landing on her shoulder and Trucker Hat fell to his side with a grunt. my roommate shrieked "what are you doing home?!" and scampered into her room, almost on all fours, past me. she slammed the door behind her. Trucker Hat gathered his pants and RAN INTO THE KITCHEN

of course i followed him and he was sputtering "sorry dude sorry dude" and I just said "let me get my sandwich and you go clean up MY couch!" he again said "sorry sorry sorry" and ran out of the kitchen and to the bedroom, he pounded on the door and asked to be let in, and my roommate let him in.

MY LIVING ROOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING I'VE SMELLED BEFORE

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

so needless to say Trucker Hat didn't stop to clean my couch before running and hiding!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

HIPSTERS BE ANALIN'

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm so happy I'm crying.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

what am I doing home???? what are YOU doing having ass sex on MY couch???? goddammit!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

This is the most brilliant thing I've ever read.

― Cameron (Cameron), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah you've probably smelled it before

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Bang on the door and tell him to clean his dirty trucker hat indie fuck fuckjuice off your couch - simple!

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I was having such a crappy day. It has suddenly turned pretty great.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

why should the couch be dirty?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll bet that turned them on even more.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you get your sandwich?

― Cameron (Cameron), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

"IS THIS COUCH DIRTY?"

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

That disgusts even me.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

post a picture of your roommate...in happier times...

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

You have brought joy to us all, Gear.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

The trucker hat. Oh man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://haddingtonfarms.com/rc/bbcash.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

The phrase "scrawny inde fop wearing a trucker hat and nothing else" may haunt me until the end of my days.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

DOO DOO BROWN (censored by the fcc)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

this isn't just the greatest thread ever, it's gotta be the dawn of a new era or something

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"scrawny inde fop wearing a trucker hat and nothing else"

is she fucking the guy from the liars?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

THEY WERE WRONG SO WE CORNHOLED YOUR ROOMMATE ON YOUR COUCH NATCH

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Phone her Mom.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Does he have a moustache?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll bet it's more of a moustachio.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i think it would be awesome if you insisted on wearing sunglasses in the house for like the next two months.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.soundgenerator.com/pix/articles/2002/05/angusposed_170.jpg

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf... Well, that passed." </ fargo>

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Moustachio is coming. (on your couch?)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

u+k detail: what colour is yr couch?

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

and/or: what colo(u)r WAS yr couch?

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Does he still have the trucker hat on you think?

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, seriously -- come to the next LA FAP, whenever it is. The beer is on us. It is well deserved.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

can you be sure he wasn't bald

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.binc.org/videolink-kids/330games/images/guesswho.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

The club soda is on us.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Right? What gets anal out, again?

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

'Cause if not you could bust one in it for him, see how he feels, couch-soiling semi-wielding hipster!

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to post a picture of this couch soon.

I just went out in the living room and indie fop is now wearing shorts (no shirt????) and his hat and he's sprayinh Lysol on the couch. he's said "sorry" about fifty times. I just told him he's a fucking idiot. my roommate stumbled out of her room and she again said, somewhat indignantly, "I thought you were at work". I said I told her last week my job was ending and if "you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed."

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

how does one say that with a straight face??

― vahid (vahid), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

my gear!o

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

omfgggggggggggggggggg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Does he have a moustache?

What about her? Did she have a Dirty Sanchez 'tache?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't stop smiling.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I said I told her last week my job was ending and if "you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed."

That is awesome.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear! You are my hero.

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man.
you should totally wait outside her room and punch scrawny indie trucker hat in the mouth, or nose.

serious.

― sunjammerr, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

First Jess now this. Who needs television? Best sex advice of the day, "if you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed."

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought you were at work? I thought YOU were smart enough to FUCKING CHECK. Jesus. Ew.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

C J that is the nastiest thing I've ever seen you post!

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't stop smiling.

me neither. i am so sorry for your couch but so happy for myself.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

XXXpost

"you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kisses!

gygax.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread has made me Unruly!

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

you need to get that on a sign.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

or a tattoo

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

it was hard to say it with a straight face but I concentrated on the thought that some trucker hat wearing, Postal Service-listenin' indie ass had possibly discharged on my couch whilst fucking a Glamorama-carryin'-but-not-readin'-emo-listening actress.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i sort of feel bad for trucker hat guy.

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I keep wondering what truckerhat must be thinking. That close to ass paradise and then his fucked up karma/girl's roommate walks in. He must have gone soft in a heartbeat.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i sort of feel bad for the roommate. maybe i should comfort her.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I cannot eat my sandwich for the life of me.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not surprised

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

why do you live with this person you hate, gear?

― Pablo Cruise (chaki), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

http://perso.wanadoo.fr/lafetealamaison/images/olsenjeux05b.jpg

"REMINDER: GEAR! IS NOT AT WORK"

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

What kind of sandwich is it?

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

'sandwich'

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

french dip au jus?

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i sort of feel bad for trucker hat guy.

THE BACKLASH BEGINS

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I kind of feel bad for him, too -- it's your roommate's fault, really. It's not like the guy knew it was your couch, but your roommate definitely did. And what's up with that, anyway? Wouldn't assfucking on the couch be incredibly difficult, just logistically speaking? I mean there's a whole floor there!

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

THAT'S NOT BEEF

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread has sort of put me off anal sex now.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe her knees were on the floor and her torso was on the couch?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Jordan I thought for a second "BACKLASH" was some other word and now I have the phear real bad.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:32 (twenty-one years ago)

you know she said she was just a laidback cool non Hollywood kind of girl who loved music other people thought was weird, which apparently meant "hi I'm high strung and probably on coke, I love the club scene and talking about acting, and I listen to Death Cab."

I KNEW THE BACKLASH WOULD ARRIVE. i feel sorry for him a little, too. obviously it's mostly my roommate's doing...

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

i sort of feel bad for trucker hat guy.

I don't. This violates all sorts of etiquette. I'm sending "you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed" to Miss Manners

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear's timing throughout this thread was immaculate.

He says, OK, pray for me, I'm going in... then returns with some pictures of people screaming... we're thinking, this must be good... the indie fop with the trucker hat... the dialogue!!!! The two of them running to different rooms! The lysol couch cleaning operation with apologies. The punchline.

Too much. A tragicomedy in one unnatural act.

And one still is contentedly aware that the best is yet to come: pictures of the couch.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

this is like yancey's roommate thread but on steroids

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

AWESOME steroids

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

you must tell them you'll feel much better if they'll only let you keep the hat

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

And then you can mail it to Momus, who will write a song about it all.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

make a HUGE sign with RULES

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

haha, EDR stole my joke!

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed" has replaced 'bring it on, fuckfaces' in my lexicon.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

You will of course refer them both to this thread?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but in all fairness, he probably assumed that the roommate would know what was cool and what wasn't cool to do in any given room of the house, and he probably just followed her lead. And, remember, she's the one who said "fuck me in the ass."
x-post x a few

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't feel sorry for him - HE LEFT HIS TRUCKER HAT ON! Come on people, it's like leaving your socks on.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.billfoley.com/images/backdraft.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, the trucker hat is still inexcusable.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Cover your couch in saran wrap to protect it from any further roommate shenanigins

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

better yet, cover yr roommate in saran wrap

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Baby take off your coat real slow
Take off your shoes
I'll take off your shoes girl
Take off your dress yes, yes, yes

You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Go over there turn on the lights, all the lights
Come over here, stand on that chair
Baby thats right
Raise your arms up in the air
And now shake em

You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live

Sweet darling
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on baby
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Suspicious minds are talking
There trying to tear us apart
They don't believe this love of mine
But they don't know what love is

They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
I know what love is

You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Right? What gets anal out, again?

Just turn up the bass.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Shenanaligans? (xpost)

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

inexcusable? I say trendsetting! heaven knows I'm leavin' my trucker hat on TONITE

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

A friend of mine claims she knew someone in high school who had anal sex in a movie theater.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Shenanaligans : anal sex performed by hooligans

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

a little buggery, a little lysol, the day just perks up!

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

u + k: what did the trucker hat say?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

who had anal sex in a movie theater.

Was it during Lord of the Rings?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I have to say, after coming back from (what i thought was) a good job interview, this thread is the whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top of my day. (puns intended)

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

No, not only did he leave it on, he had to put it BACK on after he REMOVED his shirt! THINK about it...

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

KEEP ON TRUCKIN' ?

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

This would make for a brilliant and award-winning one-man play.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think I've ever heard of lysol used for debuggery until this thread

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Whoa. That's serious hipster fetishism.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

please please let Trucker Hat Dude come across this thread someday (lame pun intended)

but Gear! now they know how annoyed their couch ass-love makes you you can bet that they'll try it again when you're not in.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, the timeline's all screwy here: did they spend forty minutes merely ATTEMPTING anal?!

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

debuggery!!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Think Lysol could corner the anal hipster hygiene market by buying the right to this and using it as an ad campaign?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

He could have been wearing a BUTTON up shirt

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that guys full name needs to be in this thread, definitely.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

either a) she was really into trucker hats, or b) he had something hideous on his scalp. OK, it was probably and most disappointingly c) the trucker hat dude thought it looked cool to have it on while doing it.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Lysol will become the Pabst Blue Ribbon of sex hygiene.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"lysol: it's not just for back-alley abortions anymore"

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

inexcusable? I say trendsetting! heaven knows I'm leavin' my trucker hat on TONITE
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 13th, 2004 4:40 PM. (later)

Trendsetting like two years ago! Even wearing a trucker hat now, let alone leaving it on during sex like it's a hot pair of boots or, you know, a tool belt or something, is just wrong.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Lysol should come up with a hipster version of the Puma ads.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not entirely sure he DIDN'T ALSO leave his socks on. I didn't chcek out his feet as I was mesmerized by the hat, which I think was an Urban Outfitters purchase.

I'm guessing she demanded the ass-fucking and then they did it, took a break, and were about to resume as I entered stage left

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

TOOL BELT SEX!?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, don't knock the tool belt

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

haha xpost

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

http://prodtn.cafepress.com/2/9859872_F_tn.jpg

I think you should buy this for truckerhat since he's probably not having a nice day now.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel sorry for PBR. :(

And yes, tool belts are probably pretty hot.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it some kind of hypermasculine see how I will put up shelves after giving you a good rogering thing?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

So, where does this all stand now?

Is trucker guy making you an omelette now? Is she still cowering in her room?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, toolbelts just make me think of Tim Allen going MORE POWER, which is not an image I wish to entertain mid fuck.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

"making you an omelette"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

ricardo: i dunno, i am talking shit. i wear mittens and listen to oval, what the fuck's a tool belt for?!

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I did feel a tiny bit bad for truckerhat, cause he obviously felt bad and probably didn't know it was your couch, but goddamn, a mufuckin' TRUCKER HAT?

Can I just say I am so, so thankful to you for being all brave and going out there and posting the results for all to see? Holy hell, my heart is doing backflips.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

was this guy one of the Beachwood Sparks?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I feel sorry for tool belts.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe this is her way of seducing you

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

"See? Look what you made me do! Have anal sex with some lamo in a fucking TRUCKER HAT! GAAAWWD! You drive me CRAZY, can't you SEEEEEE?!!!"

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that anyone who thinks that leaving assspunk on your furniture is an aphrodesiac is a person to avoid sexually.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

also: domestically.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm hot for you, so I had some other guy fuck me up the ass on your couch. DON'T YOU WANT ME NOW BABY? DON'T YOU?

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

assspunk!

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

http://photos.friendster.com/photos/12/57/337521/3195888237370I.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

If only Gear! had a digital camera.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

$5 to put some bagpipe music on in your living room.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"I love you so much, I'm going to have this trucker hat guy's retarded ass babies."

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

CUM FIESTA!!!!

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

http://photos.friendster.com/photos/12/57/337521/3195888237370l.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

She saving the front door for the Lord.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, it looks like an earthquake ... ripped open your couch ... like a filthy crevice .. spewing forth the bowels of HELL (!!!)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

She saving the front door for the Lord.

Or Elijah

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

HYSTERICS

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

i never thought furniture could look so... violated.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm guessing that disarray is a result of the frantic dismount.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Or Elijah

Both of them probably, from the sound of things.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Trucker Hat has left. My roommate is in her room and I can hear her murmuring on her cell phone. needless to say when I watch my new DVD of Kill Bill later I will sit on the loveseat!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That was a nice couch.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

until it had to be wrung out.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

You're going to sit on her? (xpost)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

..and the couch, after.

http://www.kuci.org/~brianm/ile/thecouch_after.jpg

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

oh my.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Both of them probably, from the sound of things.

Maybe next year for passover, we should forget the latkes and applesauce and just leave a Carhart hat and PBR

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

CALLIN' ME A DAWG
WELL, LEAVE A DOG A-LONE

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

BAD DONUT BITCH!

― ...in bed. (Chris Piuma), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

How does the fragrance of santorum mingle with the bracing cleanliness of Lysol? Is it the new thing? I somehow expect to see that couch reupholstered soon.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.technicalvirgin.com/

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"loveseat" is like a triple entendre in the context of this thread, no?

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

You think this is an isolated incident? This is happening ALL ACROSS AMERICA AND MAYBE OTHER COUNTRIES EVERY DAY!

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm picturing that poor couch viewing a police line-up of trucker hats and saying "they're the ones! they did this!"

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

what did the hat say? I must know

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that why they have those vinyl covers on their furniture?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

there is a small army of future livejournalers spilled between the cushions of that couch.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, that couch photo is the album cover for Jandek's next album

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, now Good Will won't even take that couch.

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! Trucker Hat left two of his CDs in the living room! whut's he listenin' to I wonder???

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, that couch photo is the album cover for Jandek's next album

featuring the track "anal in the afternoon"

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

That should be a mashup of "Afternoon Delight" and "Ass N Titties".

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:07 (twenty-one years ago)

"Anal in the Afternoon" sounds more Mancini than Jandek

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:07 (twenty-one years ago)

TWO COPEYS OF TEH POSTLE SERVACE

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, Gear, if you replace the couch, make sure you don't replace it with this one..

http://www.rodshop.com.au/photos/couch.jpg

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, you must tell us what the cds were.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

That should be a mashup of "Afternoon Delight" and "Ass N Titties".

!!!

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

second Limp Bizkit album

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

and make sure to aim well after your roomie and trucker sweetie leave for the day..

http://www.flame.org/~explorer/album/misc/flying-furnature/couch.gif

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

"Anal in the Afternoon" sounds more Mancini than Jandek

The original Jandek title is appropriate too:

http://allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&uid=UIDCASS70311061642122560&sql=Ayaua6j427180

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

http://photos.friendster.com/photos/12/57/337521/3196110578259l.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I feel dirty.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

OH. DEAR. GOD.

the trucker hat and the lysol were what took this thread from excellent to perfect.

(hey what was up with the pics earlier that just came up with a 'theft' gif.)

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

oh dear christ

haha xposts

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Can we get these pictures stored on ILX's server for future posterity?! POSTERIORITY HAHAH AOMOLGOGOLOL

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

we try to make a little wall of jokes around this, but it can't be contained.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

WHOA!

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

the next thread below this just now is 'Louisville, KY'. That state abbreviation is so good there.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

you are FUCKING KIDDING

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I think we should send a joint letter to Jimmy Eat World and Weezer each describing in detail what has just happened today in the spirit of their musical contributions to society...

..and send them the remainders of the couch as a bonus.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH. THAT MAKES TEH P0ST4L S3RV1C3 LOOK POSITIVELY RESPECTABLE!@!@@!@!@!@! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG LOLZ 4EVER

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

http://members.rogers.com/mark.pytlik/ughcouchugh.jpg

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Someone should start a "best anal sex stories" thread for all the stories which I'm sure can be told but don't deserve to derail this thread.

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Mark has officially won the thread, whatever that means.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

See, this is what listening to Weezer leads to.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is the Weezer CD so much smaller?

Hahhahaha, mark!

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

artistic framing!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

The poo-poo train left right on time.
A ticket costs only your mind.
The driver said, "Hey, man, we go all the way."
Of course we were willing to pay.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Poser, that's not even the Dluxe edition of the Blue Album.

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

"THAT ONE AFTERNOON
YOU WALKED OUT OF YOUR ROOM
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE FOR THE DAY
NOW WE HAVE THE PRICE OF GUILT... TO... PAY!!!!"

Lyrical sample of that upcoming Bright Eyes record.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Poser, that's not even the Dluxe edition of the Blue Album.

And he bought it used too! Loser.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

well, he needed the extra $10 to go towards the $25 trucker hat at Urban outfitters.. give the guy a break.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

we need to make every thread link to this one.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"there's a virgin in my room and she's taking off her dress"- more than I ever wanted to hear from Conor Oberst's mouth, ewww

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, is your kitchen made out of solar flares? That's pretty freaky.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.csug.rochester.edu/~williamj/emo.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Astrogoo?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait, why is the JEW cd so much bigger than the Weezer one?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'M WAXIN' DOWN SO THAT
I GO REAL FAST

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude Jon, you've never seen 12" CDs before? Guy, keep up with current digital media trends... psssh.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

(pssst, the JEW CD is hanging off a stand, the Weezer CD is on the floor.. Perspective camera shot.)

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

you guys are acting like you've NEVER done it on your roommate's couch before.

in fact, i think I may have done it on my roommate's bed before.

― mandee, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I am changing my name in honor of this thread.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

YEARRRGHHH

― ASTROG! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"give the guy a break."

Aw, he can go buy a used one at Value Village for 50 cents like the rest of us bohemians.

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

a break?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I LIKE NELLY

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

haha mandee otm

JUDGE NOT, FOR YE HAVE KNOWN ANOTHER WRONGLY UPON THE COUCH OF THINE NEIGHBOR PROBABLY

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

O. M. G. re: the cd selections of trucker hat. Nothing can touch this thread forever and ever amen.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

a hat.

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

um, mandee, maybe I'm just old fashioned, but while I've made out on other people's furniture before in their presence, I've had the decency to make absolutely sure the other folks weren't around before I fully did it on their bed... AND i helped clean up afterwards.

I'm down with O.P.F., now. Don't get me wrong. But there's responsibility involved. And Gear's roommate failed in that department. (although now that I think about it, perhaps had Gear not interrupted, they would have given the couch a full Lysol/steam cleaning treatment... yeah, Gear, what GIVES!.... heh heh teasing)

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the astroglide might have looked better on top of the jimmy eat world cd :/

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait, did we ever find out what the trucker hat said? PLEASE enlighten us, it HURTS.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, Mandee, the main issue is a) trucker hat, b) JEW, and c) Weezer.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

d) ANAL SEX e) on Gear!'s couch!

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

oh so true, DB.

― mandee, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the astroglide might have looked better on top of the jimmy eat world cd :/

"Sweetness"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not bigger than this, not better - why can't you learn?

― mandee, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride --- LITERALLY.

― mandee, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"Salt Sweat...Sugar On The Ass-Couch"

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"It just takes some time...little girl, you're in the middle of the ride...everything, everything will be ALLright ALLright."

xpost

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

the hat was maroon and said "Old English" on it

my roommate is currently listening to "Rock n Roll" by Ryan Adams, the musical poet of romantic ass sex!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

An Old English hat! Good god.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"Note to Self:Don't Ass-Fuck on Your Roomie's Couch"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

the hat was maroon and said "Old English" on it
my roommate is currently listening to "Rock n Roll" by Ryan Adams, the musical poet of romantic ass sex!

Yay! One more thing to shout out to Ryan Adams at his next concert!

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Luckily for me, my roommate doesn't have a couch. It's a futon.
PS - I am not entirely serious, probably.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:49 (twenty-one years ago)

To Be Young (is to be high,is to be rimming on my roomie's new couch)

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

"Note to Self:Don't Ass-Fuck on Your Roomie's Couch"
-- Donna Brown

I somehow read that as "Don't self ass-fuck on your roomie's couch"

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

That too.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Facists!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Who then is the musical poet of buggery-interruptus?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"don't eat all my food, don't leave the door unlocked, don't take my cds without asking, don't assfuck on my couch" OH WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LIVE?!!?

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha! I am trying to think of what a "facist" could be. (I know it was just a typo and stuff.)
x-post

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread has mentioned assspunk and cummy hinder and yet you can't think of what 'facist' could be?

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

'Who then is the musical poet of buggery-interruptus?'

Butthole Surfers?

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I have had a long day. Tell me what a facist is.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

quoting my favorite obscure song: "got a place in the hole"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Or maybe that describes everyone on this thread. (x-post)

― .., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

GIVIN' HER THE OLD ENGLISH

― ASTROG! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 21:59 (twenty-one years ago)

you sure it wasn't a Peterbilt hat?

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

TELL ME.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

http://store6.yimg.com/I/plushliving_1789_6820269.gif

???

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Mack Truck (for Doggy-style)

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

This has been running through my head for the last hour:

We've been here too long
Tryin' to get along
Pretendin' that you're oh so shy
I'm a natural ma'am
Doin' all I can
My temperature is runnin' high

Cry at night
No one in sight
An' we got so much to share
Talking's fine
If you got the time
But I ain't got the time to spare
Yeah

Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Every girl an' boy
Needs a little joy
All you do is sit an' stare
Beggin' on my knees
Baby, won't you please
Run your fingers through my hair

My, my, my
Whiskey and rye
Don't it make you feel so fine
Right or wrong
Don't it turn you on
Can't you see we're wastin' time, yeah

Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm. Which one of us took the hat home that night?

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I used to have a peterbilt belt buckle. But my dad owned a peterbilt truck SO IT WAS ACCEPTABLE.

― mandee, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

"BJ and the Bear"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is the most all-ILXors together thread ever! It's like we've ALL had anal sex with EVERYONE on this bitch!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

50 cents says this whole thing is MADE UP

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Mandee, you should go on AIM. I am bored. Also, I love your dad.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Is anyone else doubting that this actually took place? I mean, everything is just *too* perfect. Gear, I don't know if I respect you more or less if you're making it up...

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post with Jody

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, really, "Do me in the ass"?!

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

More importantly, who took home the BEAR from the later MYC FAP? And whose ass is going to be intruded upon in the bear's presence?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, I think it would kind of be a turn-on to know one's roommate was ass-fucked on one's couch.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

The thing is, you know Gears! bumsex-demanding flatmate would have got away with it 9 times out of 10. She thought he was out! Don't you all realise the likelihood that this is happening on your couch, when you're out, all the time. Frankly, I accepted the assspunk couch thing some time ago.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

In fact, your roommate is probably up your ass right now.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

It is likely made up or embellished. Gear! was behind those made up Craigslist haikus but whatever. BUTT WHATEVER HAHAHSA OMOM LGOLO

― ASTROG! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Brilliant. I've read every single post on this bitch, back to back to BACK. Just. plain. BRILLIANT.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, really, "Do me in the ass"?!

If you can think of a better way of requesting assfucking I'D LIKE TO HEAR IT.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

"part my meaty hams of love and pound me with your assorted smallgoods"

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:28 (twenty-one years ago)

'how about a little backdoor action?'

'mind shoving your cock up my poopchute?'

'hey rumpranger, hows about a little trip down the hershey highway?'

'damn baby, i can't live another moment without your throbbing wang in my butt'

'fuck my ass, bitch!'

Yeah, okay, I tried. I couldn't think of anything better. Also, allergy meds apparently make me weird. Er.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

that is so beautiful it made me cry, ipso.

xpost
um, luna, you could benefit from some lessons from miss ipso.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

You know, in truth oops, finding ways to ask someone to fuck me in the ass isn't high on my list of things to do. If I want someone to do it, usually I just say 'hey, want to try anal?' or something equally bland.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

what can i say? Sometimes you've got to try a little tenderness.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought anal sex would bring everyone on ILE together, but I was wrong.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't wanna be the "up-the-butt girl!"

― charlotte york (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

now you've made it sound like the evening special at Hardee's, luna.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know what's wrong with you oops, luna's efforts have made me come over all funny/erect.

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

See? HA.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Stop that!

― all funny/erect (ktepi), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

stop what?

― fuck my ass, bitch (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

don't stop

― rumpranger, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, not on the couch!

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Why, ya wanna join in Mike? Here, you take this end

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll get the h'our deuvres.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmmff, I've already eaten, thanks db!

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh man. I had to go to a lengthy meeting, then get home, take care of a few things, and now I get to read the rest of the thread.

I am in awe. Just amazing.

The picture of the Weezer and JEW CDs sends everything finally and firmly over the cliff.

Whoever is the first to put all this into a movie/novel/short story that actually gets made/published, you rule. Just credit Gear! properly for sharing this joy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

If this thread was a movie, the twist ending would be where Gear! realizes that the guy having sex with his roommate was actually his imaginary friend/split personality and it was him doing the anal sex on his roomate.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

M. Night Shymalan's "The Couch".

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"Malkovich?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

'Secret Rear Window'

― chip taylor, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

the Jimmy Eat World acronym assures that this thread will eventually be googled by nazis, at which point we will arrive at the ever-elusive "next level"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd keep an eye out more for the Weezer fans myself. Specifically the ones searching 'Weezer anal' on google.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

No chance that Mr. Trucker Cap isn't in JEW or Weezer?

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh dear, what a terrifying thought. But I think DB's Beechwood Sparks take is apt.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:28 (twenty-one years ago)

David Lynch's Lost Slipcover.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://fiction_online.tripod.com/read/nitro/wouldyou1.htm

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you, Stockholm. Now I feel like Gear did when he posted the Jeff Healey pic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:35 (twenty-one years ago)

It all does sound too perfect dear readers but I assure you the truth is much worse than I can make it out to be! I half-expected my roommate, upon leaving for work, to kick open my door, point a finger at me and cry out "saboteur!", and then flee. however she left quietly while I took a nap and dreamt of more innocent times.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Wise. And you know, El Diablo's first post, right back at the start of the thread, said it all.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Well shes obviously upset.. you denied her anal pleasure.

for shame.. for shame..

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

When she comes back from work, you'll have to offer to make it up to her.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

the hat was maroon and said "Old English" on it

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/garethhat.jpg

― allyzay, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh DEAR.

Well, that would explain his relative silence.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

but he's more of a Blink 182 man

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/allyhat.jpg

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

http://theoriginalsoundtrack.com/ile/geetaedtracer2.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:16 (twenty-one years ago)

http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~gareth/ilx/thepub/harrow3.jpg

i will not rest until every single ILXor has had their picture taken wearing that hat

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh dear, what a terrifying thought. But I think DB's Beechwood Sparks take is apt.

Naaaaaah. I take it back. No one in the Beachwood Sparks would be caught dead with JEW or Weezer CDs. They'd have to be Flying Burrito Brothers of Dan Fogelberg LPs.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Was the question of her hottness ever answered?

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:20 (twenty-one years ago)

haha that collection of photos shows most every possible angle in which one can wear such a hat, that is amusing.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Still, nobody should be wearing that hat.

― kirsten (kirsten), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

She looks vaguely like a cross between Angie Harmon and a porpoise if that answers your question

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

it still brings a tear to my eye how happy Tracer looks in that pic, as if Geeta has just tucked him in for the night

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:23 (twenty-one years ago)

She looks vaguely like a cross between Angie Harmon and a porpoise if that answers your question

I seee

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread has just taken another turn for the unbelievably awesome

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

EEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE!!

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Every time I think this thread is dying down, it roars back like a champ.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"Do me in the blowhole, you scrawny purveyor of foam hat manliness, you!"

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"*SPPPLLLASH* Sorry about that... had to breathe"

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:29 (twenty-one years ago)

"Yeah, let's do nasal... *SKREEEEEEEEEEEEE*"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

"Sorry, baby, but you smell like a whole lotta fish going on!"

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, here's a handy link for more prespective trucker hat wearin' stud visitors of your humble abode and your swift swimmin' roommate.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"is the boy scout ready for his brown badge?"

erm, goodnight

― Bobby Frisk (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one-night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel dirty.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

haha so i guess i shouldn't revive my thread with what happened to me tonight then

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Now that you've baited us, you must

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Jess knows what he is doing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

actually it was more like a scene from a jackie chan movie crossed with a porno, but hey

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

What trucker hat were you wearing, strongo, and what cds did you leave behind?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i wasn't wearing a trucker hat, but i was wearing boxer shorts with little rubik's cubes on them, if that counts. "say you'll be there" by the spice girls was playing.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

not "when 2 become 1"?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Or "The Lady is Vamp"?!

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Did I reveal too much there?

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, i once had sex to the whole of the spiceworld soundtrack, so no harm no foul

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:07 (twenty-one years ago)

but plenty of balls and strikes

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:08 (twenty-one years ago)

(i really hope a) someone got the joke, or b) everyone ignored it)

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I got it but I still feel dirty.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:29 (twenty-one years ago)

My God...this thread. Absolutely and undeniably classic.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:46 (twenty-one years ago)

http://canto.mml.cam.ac.uk/gb218/analysts3.gif

― jazz odysseus, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Nice pic, Jazz O....but shouldn't she be wearing the trucker hat?

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:08 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is so 30 minutes ago

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

thank you so much for posting the gareth pic, ally...as soon as the hat was described, i wondered if he was on one of his 'road trips'...

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

No one's rally-capped that Ole English hat tho...

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I fuck your ass with guns ok?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I solved my couch problem quite easily by flipping the cushions over, so that's taken care of.

BUT I CANNOT FLIP OVER MY MEMORY AHH MY EYES

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000000XW6.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 03:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Has she come back yet?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Before you get too comfortable on the couch, please remember that you flipped the cushions over the LAST time this happened.

― jazz odysseus, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 04:00 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.supyo.com/home/crazypics/images_14/humanity.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 04:17 (twenty-one years ago)

She came back briefly early this evening and then slipped out quietly again.

I am reminded of a poem by an unknown author:

your beautiful face
your luscious arse
I'll do them both

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:19 (twenty-one years ago)

guffaw

i'm looking forward to the stories of strongo and his parents' couch

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:21 (twenty-one years ago)

ew.

― Orbit (Orbit), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:26 (twenty-one years ago)

We spoke earlier and I agreed not to speak of the incident to anyone, whoops.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Too late!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

The names have been changed to protect the inner sins.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear!'s house FAP anyone?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 07:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Fancy A Posterior?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:00 (twenty-one years ago)

haha this is total bullshit! What kind of person wouldn't have just, like, banged something around or turned on the stereo or - I dunno, coughed loudly maybe? If Gear actually did this, it's because he totally wanted to.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)

you were the kid who went around telling everyone else that Santa wasn't real, weren't you?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:33 (twenty-one years ago)

He is too real! One Christmas morning when I was five years old, I saw him ass-fucking Mrs Claus on my couch.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Please tell me he wasn't wearing a foam mesh John Deere hat

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

No. She was.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

did she scream "take me to the North Pole, big daddy!!"

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually it was more along the lines of him repeatedly calling her a "HO!"

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

well she is

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, shouldn't Mrs Claus be asking to be taken to the South Pole rather than the North Pole?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

the south polling comes later

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Poleaxing!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Remind me I won't tell you the story about the party where I was so drunk I began to have sex in my room with a goth girl, even though my roommates and other friends were still there.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

(Oops.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Ewww.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Goth girl.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

That was my first taste of pierced nipples. Literally.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

next up, blumpkins on the couch.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't know what a "blumpkin" is, so I checked www.urbandictionary.com. You crazy Anglos have a word for that??!!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:15 (twenty-one years ago)

we get it so often that's why

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I once saw two couples fucking about 3 feet beside each other, standing up, outside the local train station.

I'd say they were about 16, THEY ARE SURELY GOING TO BURN IN HELL.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i've never seen anyone have sex in real life. i reckon it is all a myth.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Come on stevem, surely you have looked in the mirror whilst getting down!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

He has a gigantic mirrored ceiling in his bedroom. All the better to view the tigerskin lovesheets with.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:46 (twenty-one years ago)

nope, just pictures of me everywhere

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Last year I saw a couple having sex on Blackheath on a summer's evening. They knew people were watching as well, I'm sure of it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Not moving pics stevem? ;-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I once accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with his girlfriend. He thought I had been spying on him and almost beat the shit out of me until I explained thatI had no idea his girlfriend was with him in the house.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

It was scary too, he's a pretty muscular guy and could easily woop my flabby (but not fat mind you!) ass. And he's my younger brother!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

So if Gear's roommate can't live with the embarrassment and decides to move out, ILX must help word the advertisement to find him a new roomie.

I'm guessing that 'no assfucking on my couch' would be one of the stipulations (though I may be wrong)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

any ilxor is welcome to assfuck whoever they like on my couch

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

so did Jess hook up last night then?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

You sure you mean that James? :P

xpost

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:31 (twenty-one years ago)

somehow i don't see trayce or andrew taking me up on the offer :)

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

that wasn't at all what i had in mind.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a different matter altogether if i'm involved :P

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't say that either :P

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

*gets out the scotchguard*

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

you better believe it.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, scotchguard makes poor lube.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

you know this how?

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

he subscribes to What Lube

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"What? Lube?? Are you quite mad?"

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:16 (twenty-one years ago)

the letters page is a real hoot

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh dear dear dear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:29 (twenty-one years ago)

What a long-ass thread.

(No pun etc)

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Your roommate got buttfucked by a hipster bingo, geezus!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"Bingo"? What numbers represent assfucking?

Clearly, Gear!'s never seen 101 Reykjavik.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that a film? I started reading a book called that but it made me think of the life of an ILXer too much and I gave up before the end.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, my name isn't Pete. I used to get told off for that at school.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

"I once saw two couples fucking about 3 feet beside each other, standing up, outside the local train station.
I'd say they were about 16, THEY ARE SURELY GOING TO BURN IN HELL. "

the boys will get stuck at the hell hole with cocks that long!

xpost 33 can be a potential assfucker?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, wrong thread.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Nick, it's a film. I liked it, could've done without the Spanish bisexual, but hey.

This thread's put my loud next-door housemate and the couple I saw finishing up a quickie on the tube (I was waiting for it, thank God) into perspective.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I am so gonna get fired for reading this thread at work but i just don't care!

It has the phrase "smears her cummy hinder all over the kitchen" init and the word assspunk!!!

Dan, when you run for president you must incorporte these words into your campaign speeches.

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

you can never have too many Spanish bisexuals

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread's put my loud next-door housemate and the couple I saw finishing up a quickie on the tube (I was waiting for it, thank God) into perspective.

Please explain the '(I was waiting for it, thank God)'.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Once, years ago, I had a party and two friends of mine (both girls) had a threesome in my bed with some guy, while I was sleeping on another bed, passed out. I wasn't angry at them (the guy was hot), but I did change the sheets.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

But those were the wild days of my youth, there hasn't been threesomes or foursomes or fivesomes in ages.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I am sooo ill, i read that as '..I had a pasty...'!!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

that never happened. none of this ever really happened.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

*Stevem clicks his heels together whilst repeating 'there's no place like home' to himsel.*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

N, I wanted them to finish so I could get some sloppy seconds.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

But honestly, I was just glad I a. wasn't there with them, being on the other side of the tube, and b. knew where not to sit.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Was 'In The Air Tonight' playing? Are you a hobo?

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

It was 'In Tne Ass Tonight' and I do resemble a hobo now, what with my thick and luxuriant beard.

The Tube probably makes Gear!'s couch look like a sterilised area - oh wait.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It was 'In The Ass Tonight' and I do resemble a hobo now, what with my thick and luxuriant beard.

The Tube probably makes Gear!'s couch look like a sterilised area - oh wait.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

(Sorry on at least two counts there)

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Scary thing is I've used the word 'asspunk' before a few times. Not in this context, though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

TS: "asspunk" vs "assspunk"

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

vs "azzzspunk"

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I would like to tell Kim (xxxpost) that I did what I did for the good of the thread.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

We spoke earlier and I agreed not to speak of the incident to anyone, whoops.

Well, you haven't techincally spoken about it, just written about it, right?

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, better to write about it and leave permanent evidence than to speak words that'll just melt in the air.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

My name isn't actually "Gear!" of course

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it Geir?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

If it was Geir, the trucker-hat guy would have left a copies of Rubber Soul and The Man Who behind instead of Weezer and JEW.

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't want to associate Geir with buttsex okay thx bye.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

ahhhh no no in fact I just bought Black Caesar the other night

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

And a fine movie it is.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

The Olde English coincidence, too, huh?

I have the vague, likely-teased-out-more-clearly-with-drunkenness inkling that this whole scenario is a complex, labyrinthinely symbolic love letter from Gear to ILE. Somehow...

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I do love you all excepting that strange photographer fop from San Francisco who threatened us with libel but I didn't even know about the Olde English in-joke, I'm so out of the ILX loop.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

donutbitch, what's your beef with beachwood sparks? (i'm not a fan aside from some VERY early stuff and their sade cover)

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't stand a single note of any of their music. and basically some issue some friends of mine had with them, which I don't want to get into in a public forum. i just wish i could reverse time and have them be Further again... or even Shadowland, for that matter.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

gyg, you remember a guy named p*t*r d**t*n who used to work at n* l*f* Records?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmhmmm... haha, we can take this to email... hehe.

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

who had anal sex in a movie theater.
Was it during Lord of the Rings?

This is where in the thread that I finally guffawed out loud.

donutbitch, what's your beef with beachwood sparks?...I can't stand a single note of any of their music...

Please, folks. This isn't a beachwood sparks thread. It's a thread about ass-fucking. As you can see, uh, oh. Um.

Nevermind. Carry on about beachwood sparks.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Revive!

It's been a week, so what's going on? Has trucker hat claimed his cds? Has Gear! started looking for anew roommate? And what has become of the couch? Inquiring minds want to know!

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Hear, hear.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

that couch must be destroyed.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Trucker hat guy got 2-to-4 for Unusual Sodomy.

Roommate got a years probation and 15,000 dollar fine for Corrupting a Furniture.

The Couch was released into the custody of its rightful guardian after psychiatric evaluation. It does not remember the events of that afternoon.

DUN DUH DUN DUN. DUN DUH DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!

― Dan I., Tuesday, 20 April 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Latest installment of Assnet?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Or is it Dragass?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

The Roommate has taken to spending nights elsewhere, either with her friend T**** in Venice, or Tr*cker H*t in Silverlake. She did come bursting into my room several nights ago to whine about her drain being clogged, to which I replied "with what? anonymous semen?" haha, not really.

we've spoken perhaps four sentences since last week! Tr*cker H*t returned for his CDs shortly after the incident in question. We've never gotten along better!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

A fragile but happy peace.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 20 April 2004 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Once again proving that there's no problem that can't be solved with anal sex.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 21 April 2004 01:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"I wish I could get this door to stop sticking..."

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 April 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

My housemate knows I'm home and does it anyway. I mean, that's not on, surely? I have a good mind to just march in and watch telly. Even if there's nothing good on. Humph.

― Will McKenzie, Wednesday, 21 April 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

so, this is where you all are

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 21 April 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Tonight my roommate stumbled into the apartment drunk with a drunk friend of hers, pointed to me, laughed, and said "this is the one I was telling you about who caught me having sex on this couch, HAR HAR HAR!" Her friend giggled and asked me if I "took a peek", which made ME laugh because of the circumstances which were probably not accurately explained to this girl. ho ho ho, we ALL laughed, it was funny.

they then disappeared into her room for lots of drunken gossiping, giggling, and way too loud Death Cab for Cutie/Postal Service. I'm getting out of here right now to go to a bar.

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 24 May 2004 04:31 (twenty-one years ago)

So Indie Trucker Hat is out of the picture?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 24 May 2004 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh my.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 May 2004 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear! lives in The O.C.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 24 May 2004 04:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"they then disappeared into her room for lots of drunken gossiping, giggling, and way too loud Death Cab for Cutie/Postal Service. I'm getting out of here right now to go to a bar. "

the only sane choice.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 May 2004 05:00 (twenty-one years ago)

What, you didnt reply with the obvious "oh so you DONT know about the ass-reaming I saw that forever blinded me and left an unholy smell, then!?" at her. And then gone to the bar.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 24 May 2004 05:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I've returned from the bar, which was ironically enough filled with trucker-hatted hipster fux. I requested that the DJ play some Judas Priest, she complied. I had two beers, and my apartment is now empty. Success!!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 24 May 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

This whole story is incredibly awesome.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 24 May 2004 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

It is the pinnacle of ILX, indeed.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 24 May 2004 06:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, you missed an opportunity there. Skidmarks ought to have been mentioned for the benefit of roommate's friend.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 24 May 2004 06:27 (twenty-one years ago)

It's been some time since "uncontrollable laughter" and "4 am" have gone together so perfectly. There must be a spot somewhere on Olympus for Gear!

My only question: why didn't "french dip au jus" get more attention?

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Monday, 24 May 2004 06:47 (twenty-one years ago)

sigh, the things you miss when you go away for a few months. this is a fantastic thread, but hmm...isn't a large part of the enjoyment it engendered predicated on the fallacy that anal sex automatcally = copious amounts of unsanitary santorum ?

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I think the image of the guy naked except for a trucker hat is the key image here. Also the smell/cleanup indicates that the couch was befouled in some way, even if only a moral one, in the view of the three participants, which is what's important.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay.

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I was trucker hat dude.

― Be sure to Loop! Loop, Loop, Loop. (ex machina), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is beautiful. Absolutely perfect in every way.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 24 May 2004 12:11 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

I call this photo:

LIFE IN GEAR'S APARTMENT
http://photos.friendster.com/photos/90/38/6718309/4889806429138l.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

is the heavenly host preparing to descend through your living room window?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

What a choice thread.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 16 July 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

you have an unusually spartan living room, gear.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a great angle for that photo. I'm with her.

― dean? (deangulberry), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that the same couch? I thought it was grey for some reason.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I believe the color of the couch around the time this thread was started could be described as "ashen"

My current living room is pretty bad for interior design, admittedly...

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

But highly functional. Even for some rather unorthodox pastimes.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

didja hafta shampoo the couch to get the aroma of santorum out of it?

― Kingfish von Bandersnatch (Kingfish), Friday, 16 July 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

they was heavy scrubbing and washing followed by a complete turnover of the cushions

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

a complete turnover of the cushions

the key part, of course. as long as the cushions are upside-down, all is right.

― Kingfish von Bandersnatch (Kingfish), Friday, 16 July 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that your roommate? she looks so... little. actually she looks cute all curled up like that.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 16 July 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

ilxors on perving on scarcely-visible girl in blurry photo nonshocker

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

...and that's just the girls!

― The Dreaded Rear Admiral (Leee), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought it was a skinny little dude, and I figured said skinny little dude was Gear. My monitor sucks.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

You don't see me snuggling up quite so comfortably with that couch these days.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Fair point.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear! would never curl up all gay-like like that.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Curled up = easy access?

― The Dreaded Rear Admiral (Leee), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:28 (twenty-one years ago)

more like this:

"Heeeeeeyyy!"
http://pbskids.org/rogers/all_ages/aaimages/couch.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

At least Fred was wise enough to sit on a tarp of some sort.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

his living room is considerably more stylish as well

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

though that "black picture of fear and doom" back there spooks me

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

That thing scared me on the show, as well.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, but the traffic light between the living room and kitchen was completely normal?

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

His 'living room' is well lit. It's almost as if he has a tiny sun inside.

― dean? (deangulberry), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the black painting of fear and doom. But I'm a goth, so that's.. expected.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 16 July 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

That was a screen that showed different things. I remember the frame from my youth spent watching PBS.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 17 July 2004 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

And the trolley that went to Land of Imagination was perfectly normal, too.

Dude, that guy had a great pad and HE DIDN'T EVEN LIVE THERE!

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Saturday, 17 July 2004 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

seems there's quite a lot of ass there for the asssexing.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 17 July 2004 07:10 (twenty-one years ago)

baby got back

― the neurotic awakening of sir mixalot (blueski), Saturday, 17 July 2004 08:50 (twenty-one years ago)

um maybe this was addressed elsewhere, I'm not gonna reread the whole thread right now, but...

Gear, is your roommate aware of this thread? Or ILX for that matter? Just wondering...

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 17 July 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

mr. rogers looks so fucking cool in that photo.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Saturday, 17 July 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

He looks like the gay sidekick from Will & Grace.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Saturday, 17 July 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I know! Very mellow and chic.

er, xpost.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 17 July 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

We attended the Fremont Solstice Parade a few weeks ago, and as always it started with a group of naked bicyclists (most sporting fancy body paint). A little later, just strolling along so that we were unsure if he was part of the parade or just some guy, was A NAKED GUY WEARING A TRUCKER HAT. Gear!, if you wonder what became of him, he's in Seattle.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Sunday, 18 July 2004 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Seattle's gain is truly Echo Park's loss...

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 19 July 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm speechless. This is like watching video of Hendrix at the Isle of Wight or something....some amazing thing that I can't be a part of because it's over....

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 22 July 2004 00:44 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

It occurs to me that you should have burst into the room chanting: "I see you baby, mounting that ass, mounting that ass."

Unless that wasn't a hit in America.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

A bit of a delayed reaction here, Alba.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

"l'esprit de l'escalier"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, I'm not sure why it suddenly occured to me. Gear's roommate and her trucker hatted pal are often are on my mind.

I suppose he could sing 'I saw you' instead. But he'd have to find the trucker hat guy again.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, Where's the Trucker Hat Guy?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

20 million. First weekend. Guaranteed.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

with my insane work schedule, I haven't had much time these days to sit around and home and see my roommate, nor use any dishes. So in the past week, the dishes have filled both sides of the sink with no cleaning in sight. I'm slowly taking my dishes and glasses from the cabinets and putting them in my room. I'm hoping she won't notice. If I play my cards right, maybe I can move out without her even noticing.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicely done.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Will you leave her the couch as a momento?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

She left a memento on the couch, so why not?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

fuck no, the couch is mine. I'm leaving her a napkin with this URL scribbled on it.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

will it be a cum-stained napkin?

― purple patch (electricsound), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm leaving her a napkin with this URL scribbled on it.

Please, please do this. For all of us.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.mrfen.com/RickSteves/assets/images/autogen/a_writing2_140.jpg

― |a|m|t|r|s|t| (amateurist), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Shame on you for associating the virgin-pure Rick Steves with such sinful hedonism.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm leaving her a napkin with this URL scribbled on it.

Oh my God, PLEASE do this. Tell me you haven't moved yet.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I caught the roomie in between anonymous scrooz and said "wow Sept. 30th is when our lease is up, I didn't even realize it!" and told her I was moving to Los Feliz. As I figured her plan was already set to move into the her BFF's two-bedroom since his old roommate vacated to move to NYC.

The countdown begins, and Gear!'s apartment hunt commences.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 04:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Knoxville's nice.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 05:06 (twenty-one years ago)

How's the rent?

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 05:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't rent. Four bedroom house!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 06:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm there!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 06:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Use the door this time.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 06:15 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah sorry about that window...

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

haha so of course I come home from work and what's going on? my roommate's getting a FOOT MASSAGE on the COUCH while watching The Terminator. This glum-faced indie kid with patchy facial hair is delivering the footrub. I'm really beginning to think she trolls the high schools for indie twinkage.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Could it possibly be the same guy without the hat?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Definitely not, word on the street is that "he turned out to be a jerk!"

I'd also like to add that my roommate has been known to get drunk in public and scream out "I'm hahrny!" in a faux-Irish accent whilst grabbing confused "boys" nearby.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Does it look like he's going to be spending the night? Foot massage, that's not really one night stand shit, is it. And watching Terminator. It's like they've been dating 5 years or something.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:19 (twenty-one years ago)

As I walked in she informed they had been drinking "Transylvanian wine" and asked me if I wanted some. I declined. I handed her a bill from the mailbox (because she wouldn't have picked it up, it's only 1am after all) and she said "a bill for me! Just like you, Bill! Tee hee!" She giggled, he giggled, I darted off to my room where I sit huddled in the dark under a blanket.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:25 (twenty-one years ago)

how did you end up sharing a flat with this character gear?

― gem (trisk), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I shall cut 'n' paste the story from another thread:

Feb 2003, Adam Green show at Spaceland in Los Angeles. I was invited by some friends to check him out, saying I probably wouldn't like him aside from "Jessica", but it was cheap. And so I went. The opener of all people was the dreadful Jesse Malin, and most people were there to see him. After Malin finished his set, Green came out and played to a mostly empty room. After he finished, my friend Mikhail began darting around trying to talk to an amazingly beautiful girl, my friend Sam went off into a corner and sat down, and I went to the bar. This girl (future roomie) came up to me and started babbling away, asking me how old I was, because she had a bet with a friend. I said 28, we started talking music.

Possible warning signs off the bat:

- despite name-dropping The Magnetic Fields, Yo La Tengo, and other very very good bands, she admitted that "emo is a real guilty pleasure for me, tee hee" which I would have taken as "I love emo omg" if I wasn't so drunk.

- she was there to see Jesse Malin and not Adam Green.

- she said that while she was an actress, she "wasn't Hollywood", "never drank", "was just a regular girl", and "loved to read". Which of course meant "I'm not Hollywood, but I'm trying!", "I drink constantly!", "I'm insane!", and "I carry around copies of Glamorama but don't read them!"

we talked for awhile and exchanged numbers and figured we'd hang out. We didn't hang out for awhile, then we finally did sometime closer to summer. We got along well, she really wasn't too bad at that point. We talked about getting a place, just because we got along reasonably well and both wanted to live in a better area. So we agreed to find a place that we'd sign a year lease for, and almost immediately I realized she was a chameleon who presented whatever side would show her in the best light to whoever she was around. So I never saw the side that I see every day now, until it was too late. Now I have to deal with Ryan Adams blasting in my living room at 4am, dishes piled up everywhere, her friends parking in the parking spaces of other people who live in the building, my roommate getting drunk and flashing passerby at the corner of N0rt0n and G@rdner, and trucker hats + emo emo emo all the time.

Ultimately it's my own damn fault, I have no one to blame but myself. I should have made sure!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:30 (twenty-one years ago)

that story makes it appear as though we hung and and voila, roomies, but it was over the course of many months.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 07:32 (twenty-one years ago)

see this makes me so glad i decided never to share ever ever again. of course rent is cheap here so i am lucky. i can't stand having flat(room)mates

― gem (trisk), Friday, 20 August 2004 08:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear's loss here is so clearly ILX's gain, though.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

so true roxy! errrr silver linings and other such hackneyed cliches.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 20 August 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Jules : Whoa... whoa... whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing.
Vincent : Not the same thing, the same ballpark.
Jules : It ain't no fuckin' ballpark either. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her holyiest of holies, ain't the same ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Foot massages don't mean shit.
Vincent : Have you ever given a foot massage?
Jules : Don't be tellin' me about foot massages - I'm the foot fuckin' master.
Vincent : Given a lot of 'em?
Jules : Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be tickling or nothin'.
Vincent : Would you give a guy a foot massage?
Jules : Fuck you.
Vincent : You give them a lot?
Jules : Fuck you.
Vincent : You know, I'm getting kinda tired, I could use a foot massage.
Jules : Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' pissed.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 20 August 2004 10:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Why oh why did I never see this thread?

― mcd (mcd), Friday, 20 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

how old's your roommate btw?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 20 August 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

old enough

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 20 August 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

how do you know this? (thinks back to see if stevem has ever sported a t.hat)

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 20 August 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

24 years old, I think.

fuck, not again!

every fucking morning, I swear, she gets up and goes off somewhere and doesn't turn off her fucking alarm, and now it's going off, which means I have to gingerly negotiate a minefield of emo CDs, dirty underwear that is not her own, and makeup products in order to shut it off.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Couldn't you 'accidently' break it or 'inadvertently' toss it into the street?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

thinks back to see if stevem has ever sported a t.hat

there is a photo on ile somewhere...but everyone has worn that hat

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

That hat is a whore.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously guys my roomie would get plugged by anything with two legs, mesh, and foam.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't know whether to be aroused or baffled

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I have this spare office chair that seems as though it would fit the bill...

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

some chairs get all the luck

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

It's got three legs though, but she sounds as though she's not *too* picky.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, I will buy you a pint if you can say with *total honesty* that you've never beaten off thinking about your roommate. And I'll buy you a chaser if you cried while doing it.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 20 August 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, ew.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 20 August 2004 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously guys my roomie would get plugged by anything with two legs, mesh, and foam.

Sid & Marty Kroft bukkake party at Gear's house!

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 20 August 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I have never wanked to mental images of my roommate, but she borrowed a couple of CDs from me which were returned within days, scratched beyond any ability to be played, which did cause some wailing and gnashing of the teeth on my part, if that counts.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Ok, how could that possibly count?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

well it's comparable to crying at least.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I see what you're saying now.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

The gnashing of teeth imagery suggests worrying comparisons.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

"Midge" over here just asked me if I needed a roommate, I told him I knew a girl who did. And now he's going on about how he just got a bottle of Jack Daniels and how he wants to break it in. that's for another thread, though.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000019GE.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

If I ever find out that you're just a very creative guy who made up the roommate, the midget, and the guy with the chickens to amuse your internet friends, I will never forgive you.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Personally I would love to play Jack Tripper for this young thing. But I'm bored.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

shit man, get a smart sensible brunette to join in and Don Knotts as your landlord.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Really?! I think if he turned out to be making up this whole thing I would just surrender to his awesomeness and have no other gods before said awesomeness. xpost

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:37 (twenty-one years ago)

my landlord sounds and looks exactly like Michael Caine gone to seed.

okay I'll fess up to the chicken feed guy, but I never meant it to be taken as truth!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

you don't already, Roxy? =(

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 17:40 (twenty-one years ago)

AH! I knew it.

I forgive you. I feel very relieved now, actually.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 20 August 2004 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

it's partially true, I did make a half-hearted stab at being an amateur P.I. but only received one phone call, from a guy who wanted me to "kick this jerk's ass, like in Cape Fear!" I reminded him the P.I. didn't fare too well in that film and he shouted "the hell with you!" and hung up. It might have been a prank call.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear!, please leave her the URL of this thread!

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Friday, 20 August 2004 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

...bringing the tally of demands to three. Who else wants Gear to leave the url? This is like choose your own adventure except it's some dude's life and involves ass sex.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

MY (CODE) NAME IS JONAS

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Friday, 20 August 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like him to leave the URL, but I doubt its going to make her upset. If someone did that to me I'd just think "wow, my roommate was really obsessed with me. cool!"

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that not only should he leave his roomate this url but he should also quit his job and leave "agh my midget coworker has caused me trouble" on dude's monitor.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe they'd eventually put two and two together and LUV would ensue

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I could think of a lot worse things than a whole bunch of people on the net being told that I was frequently being laid by indie girls and saying crazy shit about bands. I'm kind of half way there as it is.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not even about the ass sex anymore, it's all about him complaining about her as a roomate in general.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Roxy, it's always going to be about the ass sex.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

BTW that thing about your roommate and the bill made me cry

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

But getting laid by indie girls is way more respectable than getting pounded from behind by fey trucker-hat indie-boys, CeCe

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

what about brutish trucker hat indie-girls? Whatever female variation on the "fey trucker-hate indie-boy" exists, I would happily join them in couch-tainting adventures and discussions of the genius of Jeff Tweedy. ESPECIALLY if I knew my hypothetical female roommate was gonna flip shit and post about it daily online.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"Anthony just said Good Charlotte is the best band ever and then this emo girl started blowing him! On my couch!"

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

if it were that easy even I'd like Good Charlotte!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Whatever female variation on the "fey trucker-hate indie-boy" exists
aka "Gear's roommate."

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Milo totally otm. You'd be happy to have the fact that you're screwing really dumb drunk emo-fans on your roomate's couch emblazoned on the entirenet? AND you think Daft Punk beats sound vaseline-coated?! SERIOUS POINTS LOSS THIS WEEK

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

milo, I can talk about weezer for hours

roxy, if I was livin' the indie rock lil' jon life i wouldn't give a shit what anybody here thought.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, roxy, we should move in together! you could be the gender-flipped Gear!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

What about getting pegged by fey trucker-hat indie-girls?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously if I come home and CeCe's in my living room getting a footrub from my roommate I'll move out right that second.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

fuck it, man, if I get mine they can have theirs. OKAYYYY!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

LET'S GET THIS COUCH CRUUUUUUNK!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear's "puffy Angie Harmon" is still the best roomie description I've ever heard.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Although "porpoisey Angie Harmon" comes close.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Miccio, you can do all the skeet skeet skeet you desire, but not on someone else's couch, maaannnn!!!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh. My. God.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.lingosphere.com/mt/images/up-pov_lil_jon.jpg

"Get Low" rhymes with "Wilco" (note the hat!)

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It also rhymes with "Oh, hell no."

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm getting visuals!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

TRIPPIN' BITCHES OUT WHEN WE PLAY A LITTLE SLINT!
WE SWING AROUND TO COLO GET SOME LUCKY DENVER MINT!
KNOXVILLE'S GOT THE HATAS! FUCK THAT SHIT! FUCK THAT SHIT!
PUT A TARP OVER THE COUCH CUZ WE GONNA FUCK ON IT!
I'M LIKIN' TWEEDY FO' SHEEZY! I KNOW THE HATERS GONNA HURL
BUT LIKE JIMMY ATE WORLD MY JIMMY'S GONNA EAT THE GURL!

― Lil' CeCe The Manthony Tru Playa Trucka Fucka 3000 (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

alright, I'll stop

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you were very thoughtful with the tarp, so I'll let it go this time.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 20 August 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I would've handled roommate Santorum by saying nothing and making a display of putting a plastic slipcover over the couch.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 20 August 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

word on the street is that "he turned out to be a jerk!"

Somewhere in this sentence is an anal joke desperate to break free.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I second (fifth?) the request to leave her the URL. I'm loving the possibility of her actually liking ILX and becoming an instant regular.

― chrisco (chrisco), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, what with ILX being Emo Central and such.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Well there sure are a lot of threads about anal sex.

― chrisco (chrisco), Saturday, 21 August 2004 01:58 (twenty-one years ago)

She could call herself 'roomie'.

― Alba (Alba), Saturday, 21 August 2004 09:51 (twenty-one years ago)

roomy?

ew.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

24 likes ass sex and will have sex with anyone with two legs your roommate sounds awesome!

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but you're a shameless pervert, Ken C.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

it's true! i should put out adverts for roommates like her.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 21 August 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Ah yes. So tonight I came home from work early, after it was determined that in fact there was nothing for me to do until tomorrow night.

I was most concerned about finding a cockroach in the place (like I did last night when I got home, a big mofo about an inch and a half long) so I entered the apartment and turned on my lights.

Empty living room. Nothing scurrying about. I advanced towards my bedroom and turned on the hall light.

Nothing. but...

My roommate's door was wide open. The light poured into her room to reveal her lying naked on her bed, right next to the door, atop an indie ponce. She had been asleep, but then she awoke and looked at me. She probably didn't remember what she was doing, she just mumbled "what's up?" I shrugged and said, "I'm gonna miss moments like this." She closed the door.

Considering I'm moving out tomorrow and she's never around during the day, that's probably the last I'll be seeing of her.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 23 September 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

A fitting démnouement to a delicious thread. Well done.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 23 September 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahh, how sweet!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 23 September 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Very appropriate.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 23 September 2004 08:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn, what's up could have been the erfect feeder line for the Carry On ILx thread

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 23 September 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Beautiful.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 23 September 2004 10:33 (twenty-one years ago)

lock the thread now

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 23 September 2004 10:34 (twenty-one years ago)

good job you didn't decide to capture the moment on camera

― teh pow! (blueski), Thursday, 23 September 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i bet she has vaginal warts.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 23 September 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

if your roommate called anita?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 23 September 2004 11:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Amanda Sleepatop

Ivana Dowanalondakowch

― teh pow! (blueski), Thursday, 23 September 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Dominicia Ash

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 23 September 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

seven months pass...

o grim reunion!

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:13 (twenty years ago)

Los Angeles, you know I love you but you're still too fucking small.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:15 (twenty years ago)

Oh DEAR. Was it him or her?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:24 (twenty years ago)

"Hi! How's your ass? Er, how've you been?"

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:26 (twenty years ago)

ah, the memories. the laughter. the santorum.

― latebloomer: the rebel sound of grits and bacon (latebloomer), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:31 (twenty years ago)

Amoeba Records, after leaving work early. She was browsing the new CDs, I was in used. I saw her and darted for the Brazilian section, figuring I'd be safe. But then I remembered I was fairly close to folk and therefore Nick Drake, so I made a beeline for hip-hop and waited it out. I'm pretty sure she didn't see me.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:32 (twenty years ago)

Haha, are there giant walls between genres or something?

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:41 (twenty years ago)

walls of cornitude!

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 00:42 (twenty years ago)

Arrrrrgh. I was SO going to Amoeba tonight, and blew it off. No way I would have missed any Angie Harmon/Flipper lookin' chix0rz, let alone Angie Harmon/Flipper-lookin' chix0rz clutching the new Weezer. I suck, and there is no God.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 05:04 (twenty years ago)

See, THIS is the problem with having one very good record store in a city.

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

collisions with ex couch violators.

for fuck and shame.

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 07:26 (twenty years ago)

And did this thread get printed and given to her as a present?

Actually strike that question.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

This is the first time I've seen this thread. I've had tears in my eyes for an hour and I've never laughed so hard in my lifetime. Thank you, Gear!, thank you, Gear!, thank you.

― ... And suddenly Ian Riese-Moraine is a naked man saying, 'Polvo! Polvo!' (Easte, Sunday, 15 May 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

I remember I used to think gear! was quite old

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 15 May 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

http://www4.desales.edu/SCFC/promotion/yelling.jpg

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 15 May 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

Seven "Hipster Scouts" were arrested earlier today for wearing trucker hats ironically.

― ... And suddenly Ian Riese-Moraine is a naked man saying, 'Volvo! Volvo!' (Easte, Monday, 16 May 2005 01:20 (twenty years ago)

Is she now roaming the streets? Looking for her prince, whose head fits the trucker-hat she found in the folk section?

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 16 May 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

it isn't in the living room, but my little brother is loudly entertaining one of his many fuck-buddies right now, and i need to kep my door open to hear the doorbell, and the rhythmic 'ting ting ting' of his cheap tinny bed against the walls has given way to full on guttural grunting straight out of a jungle pron flick.

it's fair traumatising.

― stevie (stevie), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

salute.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 20 August 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

respek.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 20 August 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

Be awed.

― Ian Riese-Moraine: a casualty of social estrangement. (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 20 August 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

I just want to make sure that I've posted on this thread.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 20 August 2005 23:06 (twenty years ago)

I never get tired of reading this one.

― I'm playing it cool but it's terribly cruel / Kate (papa november), Saturday, 20 August 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

how in the name of jesus h. christ have i never happened upon this thread before? just read it from start to finish. probably the greatest hour of my life.

i'm guessing i won't be the first, but i'm off to start writing the screenplay for my (surely award-winning) short film based upon the thread. (not just the event. the thread itself has its own unique mindblowing narrative). absolute fucking genius. everytime it looks like the thread was about to wither and die, something truly fucking hilarius pops up. how to ask for ass sex. dolphin sex. that parting comment.

i think i've fallen in love with the thread.

― michael grant (michael digby grant), Saturday, 20 August 2005 23:22 (twenty years ago)

I had originally missed the "o grim reunion" bit, so I'm glad I came searching for it again.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 20 August 2005 23:25 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

Tracer OTM. What was the jess thread mentioned near the start? I seem to vaguely recall an amusing thread around the same time as this, that I think involved jess, but does anyone have a link (or at least some search terms to get me there?)

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 12:33 (nineteen years ago)

(also, a revival because this thread deserves to be revived at least once every two months. In fact, let's just reproduce it verbatim in the FAQ)

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 12:36 (nineteen years ago)

it is a good bit blacker in tone than this one, really, but here it is: girls, gurls, grrls: c/d, s/d

― electrogrouse (haitch), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

That's the one, cheers haitch.

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tbn:u1opZGwGbTeQDM:www.oldenglishcrackers.com/images/logo.gif

― couchpotato (chris moran), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

Ah, the beauty of this thread. Did Grimly survive reading it?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:48 (nineteen years ago)

grimly was trucker hat man.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:49 (nineteen years ago)

i thought snopes debunked this thread

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:50 (nineteen years ago)

I am delighted to find that Google still only returns one result for "cummy hinder".

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:56 (nineteen years ago)

Whenever this thread is revived, the sun shines a little brighter on my day.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

hehe. i've always thought sun shining and ass sex were opposites :)

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

still one of the greats

― latebloomer aka rembrandt, the fifth ninja turtle (latebloomer), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 21:31 (nineteen years ago)

offical: everyone who's posted on this thread is GOING TO HELL!!!

don't expect any sympathy for your depravities. go read Dante's Inferno. yeah, seventh circle, that's the shit we're working on...

remember - every time you masturbate, Jesus kills a kitten.

― satan, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:31 (nineteen years ago)

jesus, ned and ken. i get all the way to the end of the thread, wiping tears of molten laughter from my ~~couch~~ eyes, and i find my name in it. that was almost too freaky.

best thread ever. best thing on the internet ever. the reason computers were invented.

x-post: o well. at least it'll be warm.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:37 (nineteen years ago)

four weeks pass...

2 YEARS AGO TODAY...

― Chairman Doinel (Charles McCain), Thursday, 13 April 2006 23:08 (nineteen years ago)

This is the most classic thread on any messageboard, ever. If ILX should spontaneously combust at some point, it should be this thread that is thrown from the blazing wreckage. Gear - I salute you.

― Si.C@rter (SiC@rter), Thursday, 13 April 2006 23:33 (nineteen years ago)

Is there any way that this thread can be restored with all the original images?

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Friday, 14 April 2006 00:21 (nineteen years ago)

Hilarious.

― someone let this mitya out! (mitya), Friday, 14 April 2006 00:58 (nineteen years ago)

innocence was lost that day

― gear (gear), Friday, 14 April 2006 01:02 (nineteen years ago)

ass innocence

― gear (gear), Friday, 14 April 2006 01:02 (nineteen years ago)

I had a feeling this thread would be revived soon, but NOT because it was nearing its birthday!

TRIBUTE

RESPEK

― RoxyMuzakï¿½ (roxymuzak), Friday, 14 April 2006 01:21 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/assets/product/0618300465.gif

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 14 April 2006 01:33 (nineteen years ago)

My god, the two year anniversary. Oh blessed event. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 14 April 2006 02:11 (nineteen years ago)

when is the new yorker piece gonna run, gear?

― the unbearable lightness of peeing (orion), Friday, 14 April 2006 02:56 (nineteen years ago)

Puffy Angie Harmon has enriched us all.

― Big Willy and the Twins (miloaukerman), Friday, 14 April 2006 02:59 (nineteen years ago)

I can't be alone in thinking the HIGH COMEDY of the original event has been, frankly, anally-violated by a million internet lamers referencing at any opportunity. It's like the ILX equivalent of the Star Wars kid or something.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 April 2006 15:49 (nineteen years ago)

Matt DC OTM.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 14 April 2006 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

oh calm down the both of you, nothing has been violated here except gear's poor couch, FIGHT THE TRUE ENEMY

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 14 April 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

Matt DC: typical ILM fun-hater posturing YAWN

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 14 April 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

Posturing on a white couch? ;-)

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 14 April 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

what color was BurmaKitty's couch?

― Fight the Real Enemy -- Tasti D-Lite (ex machina), Friday, 14 April 2006 16:04 (nineteen years ago)

what color was BurmaKitty's cooch?

― Fight the Real Enemy -- Tasti D-Lite (ex machina), Friday, 14 April 2006 16:04 (nineteen years ago)

everyone realizes that my couch is in fact blue, right

― gear (gear), Friday, 14 April 2006 16:11 (nineteen years ago)

sure, NOW it is

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 14 April 2006 16:17 (nineteen years ago)

if jaymc says it's white, i see no reason to believe you over him over the state of your own couch, mister.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Friday, 14 April 2006 16:51 (nineteen years ago)

well, he does have that file folder

― gear (gear), Friday, 14 April 2006 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

Which is manilla colored.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 14 April 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

i just know there is is a sister thread to this one written by Trucker Hat.

― lf (lfam), Thursday, 29 June 2006 04:39 (nineteen years ago)

If you are in possession of such information, it is your duty to share it!

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 29 June 2006 08:10 (nineteen years ago)

i "know" it

― lf (lfam), Thursday, 29 June 2006 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

Trucker Hand

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Thursday, 29 June 2006 16:25 (nineteen years ago)

15 trackbacks!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 June 2006 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

and all of them are recommendations.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 30 June 2006 06:44 (nineteen years ago)

I drove through L.A. last night with my soon-to-be roommate, and she was blasting DCFC the whole time (with some Postal Service for good measure).
I'm going to be in hell, I think.

-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...) (webmail), October 2nd, 2003 2:29 AM. (Gear!) (link)

― andy dale (andy dale), Monday, 10 July 2006 08:52 (nineteen years ago)

uh-ohs FORESHADOWING

― introducing latebloomer, his dad itchy, and his son lumpy (latebloomer), Monday, 10 July 2006 08:56 (nineteen years ago)

three months pass...

http://www.thecellarrocks.com/band_photos/hinder.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 23 October 2006 19:42 (nineteen years ago)

another voice for the chorus:

OMGTASTIC

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 08:21 (nineteen years ago)

It's still called 'thusly'!

― the pinefox (the pinefox), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 12:13 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

Welcome back, ILX!

― hearditonthexico (rogermexico), Sunday, 7 January 2007 21:43 (eighteen years ago)

YES

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Sunday, 7 January 2007 22:07 (eighteen years ago)

four months pass...

Revive

― milo z, Monday, 7 May 2007 21:13 (eighteen years ago)

thanks

― Mr. Que, Monday, 7 May 2007 21:13 (eighteen years ago)

I too must post in this thread, in the hope that somehow, some of it's gilded awesomeness will rub off on me, thus enriching me as a person.

This thread has made my day.

― SeekAltRoute, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 03:54 (eighteen years ago)

i knew this would be a gear thread

― deeznuts, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 03:58 (eighteen years ago)

was it because it says "Started by Gear! (Gear!)" on the new answers page?

― Lingbert, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 04:19 (eighteen years ago)

― deeznuts, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 04:32 (eighteen years ago)

liar liar panits on fire

― lfam, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 04:37 (eighteen years ago)

Are those Vulcan monks on fire {i]again[/i]?

― C J, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 07:43 (eighteen years ago)

"indie twinkage" & "seriously guys my roomie would get plugged by anything with two legs, mesh, and foam"

hall of famers, no question.

― will, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:11 (eighteen years ago)

Did we ever talk more about the trucker hat? My mind is still boggled by the thought that he took time out to put it back on his head after the rush to get undressed for the indie sexin'. Is he like one of those cowboys who doesn't do anything without his hat? Did she insist upon him putting it back on to cover up a bald spot?

― jon /via/ chi 2.0, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 18:32 (eighteen years ago)

Maybe he was wearing a button-up shirt?

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 18:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dude probably had a button-up shirt that matched the hat.

― C. Grisso/McCain, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 18:57 (eighteen years ago)

or perhaps a leather jacket.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 19:01 (eighteen years ago)

did gear ever admit that he just made the whole thing up?

― jhøshea, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 19:04 (eighteen years ago)

I thought about the button up shirt thing, but still.. if I've ever really heavy making out with someone - the hat is the first thing to go since the bill gets in the way.

And surely he'd have some sort of t-shirt under any jacket. I guess I just like thinking that it was by choice to leave just that on.

― jon /via/ chi 2.0, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 19:36 (eighteen years ago)

This is one of my most favourite threads of all time.

― C J, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 07:56 (eighteen years ago)

The poor couch ;_;

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 08:01 (eighteen years ago)

-lest we forget-

― andi, Saturday, 19 May 2007 21:59 (eighteen years ago)

My god, the two year anniversary. Oh blessed event. :-)

-- Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, April 14, 2006 2:11 AM (1 year ago)

― am0n, Saturday, 19 May 2007 22:06 (eighteen years ago)

a solitary tear

― roxymuzak, Sunday, 20 May 2007 00:59 (eighteen years ago)

does gear still exist?

― latebloomer, Sunday, 20 May 2007 01:01 (eighteen years ago)

...did he ever?

― s1ocki, Sunday, 20 May 2007 01:07 (eighteen years ago)

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b356/olem/gcouch.jpg

― anatol_merklich, Sunday, 20 May 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

If your roommates having loud sex then come get my lawnmower and start it in the next room.

― Beth Parker, Sunday, 20 May 2007 15:07 (eighteen years ago)

roommate's.
"fucking" lawnmower.

― Beth Parker, Sunday, 20 May 2007 15:08 (eighteen years ago)

three months pass...

http://m.assetbar.com/uuadXTX1t.gif

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:00 (eighteen years ago)

i always thought 'cumshot' referred specifically to it being filmed, not the stain itself.

― blueski, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:01 (eighteen years ago)

actually, that reminds me of something I have to sort out!

― Mark G, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:04 (eighteen years ago)

Okay. Waht?

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:08 (eighteen years ago)

just mark g and his refried beans jones, pay no mind

― blueski, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:10 (eighteen years ago)

Ah. Cheers.

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:17 (eighteen years ago)

Steve that's kind of part of the funney. You're not a regular reader I assume?

(Kev I also thought of this thread when I read this strip :))

― Mark C, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:55 (eighteen years ago)

it's one of the 34612 things i should do but don't

― blueski, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:57 (eighteen years ago)

...?

― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:58 (eighteen years ago)

Refrying cumshots?

― nathalie, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:00 (eighteen years ago)

wau ew

― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dan, have you tried it? Didn't your mother teach you to try first and then make up your mind? ;-)

― nathalie, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:09 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, I don't read Achewood either, except for the approx. two dozen strips I've seen posted to ILX.

― jaymc, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:10 (eighteen years ago)

I think the worst part about "refried cumshots" might be the "re-".

― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:13 (eighteen years ago)

Upon reflection, there kind of can't be a "worst" part, can there.

― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:15 (eighteen years ago)

refried cumshots: 100% quality

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:23 (eighteen years ago)

this does not warrant reflection

― kenan, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:24 (eighteen years ago)

i always thought 'cumshot' referred specifically to it being filmed, not the stain itself.

smuckles has mad poetic license

― kenan, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:24 (eighteen years ago)

reflecting cumshots: 100% quality

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:27 (eighteen years ago)

For the good of your mental health HI DERE, I'd let this one drop...

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:27 (eighteen years ago)

That is probably wise.

― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dropping refried cumshots. Didn't know it could be done!

― nathalie, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:33 (eighteen years ago)

this thread used to make sense

― blueski, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:34 (eighteen years ago)

do re-fried cumshots give you gas?

― milo z, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:37 (eighteen years ago)

not if you soak them in water first

― carne asada, Thursday, 6 September 2007 13:40 (eighteen years ago)

DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT

― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 September 2007 15:15 (eighteen years ago)

Stop HI DERE. Get out while you still can...

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 15:18 (eighteen years ago)

seeing the 'couch' pic (RIP) on this thread was probably the hardest i have ever laughed at something on the internet.

― haitch, Thursday, 6 September 2007 15:18 (eighteen years ago)

Kenan OTM

― Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 6 September 2007 18:51 (eighteen years ago)

seconded.

― stevie, Thursday, 6 September 2007 19:14 (eighteen years ago)

Holy shit.

You see, the very first thing I read on I Love Everything was that awful rebel flag thread last night. (I'm new here.) But this is the second thread. I was going to kick my friends' asses for recommending this board after reading the rebel flag thread, but now I will be buying them shots after reading this one.

This thread is definitely on a Library Of Congress preservation level or something.

― Miza Din II, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:04 (eighteen years ago)

How would ILX react if this turned out to be untrue?

― milo z, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:08 (eighteen years ago)

Did it ever really matter?

― Madchen, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:11 (eighteen years ago)

the very first thing I read on I Love Everything was that awful rebel flag thread last night.

I swear I'm not retarded all the time.

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:19 (eighteen years ago)

(call me crazy, but the rebel flag thread is probably one of the more thoughtful, even-keeled threads re: the 'R' word I've seen on ILX)

(but I usually make an effort to steer clear of them, so...)

― will, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:20 (eighteen years ago)

95% of everything ILX says about the South that isn't exclusively about food is dumber than that thread.

― Kerm, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:23 (eighteen years ago)

We should do some sort of two-part poll to determine the Best ILX Thread Ever. Someone ought to set up a nominations thread, and then trawl through on a preset date, taking all of those with upwards of two nominations and putting them into a second thread, this time with polling options. This work of ILX archivism is long overdue IMO.

― Just got offed, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:28 (eighteen years ago)

Curtis, I don't think you have anything to apologize for on that thread! hstencil with his underwear five sizes too small + Lorax-troll = SPACE MADNESS

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:31 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, at least the whole Ronaldinho bottle-opener farrago led to some quality zingage...

Who's up for my idea? Too late, I'm about to do it...

― Just got offed, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:34 (eighteen years ago)

Results 1 - 10 of about 1,110 from ilxor.com for "best thread ever"

― Kerm, Thursday, 6 September 2007 21:14 (eighteen years ago)

8-|

So.

There are three levels of quality here then?

- golden threads like this one
- awful threads like the rebel flag thread
- all the other threads which makes the rebel flag thread look THOUGHTFUL?????? I want to constantly knee that Lorax shmuck.

Please tell me the first type happens often enough.

― Miza Din II, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:30 (eighteen years ago)

This reminds me that for the first time I saw an advert for Lysol on telly today.

― Madchen, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

Correct, Miza. There are about a dozen or so acknowledged ILX classic threads, and this is one of them.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:33 (eighteen years ago)

Moley, what are the other dozen?

― Miza Din II, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:34 (eighteen years ago)

Mizza: I'd send you here, but sadly, some important content is 404'd.

― gr8080, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:03 (eighteen years ago)

www.ilxor.com/ILX/ ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=40&threadid=17054

The most upfront sexual proposition you have ever made/received to/from someone you've just met

There's others, these are the only two I could find.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:17 (eighteen years ago)

Somewhere there's probably a thread linking to all the classic threads, even.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:18 (eighteen years ago)

Total Deathkvult Armageddon: The Black Metal FAP

Well, I liked it.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:21 (eighteen years ago)

the use of "thusly" in this thread's title never fails to crack me up. And then I open it and roffle (again).

― Roz, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:24 (eighteen years ago)

How would ILX react if this turned out to be untrue?

-- milo z, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:08 (3 hours ago) Link

i dunno it's kind of like that story about George Washington chopping down the cherry tree or something

― latebloomer, Friday, 7 September 2007 00:08 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

Why didn't Gear just play some music loudly or something so his roommate would know he was home? THIS STORY IS FULL OF HOLES.

― 31g, Friday, 19 October 2007 23:32 (eighteen years ago)

http://tikkiro.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/blasphemy.jpg

― en i see kay, Friday, 19 October 2007 23:46 (eighteen years ago)

He looks like he could do with a fisting.

― Autumn Almanac, Friday, 19 October 2007 23:56 (eighteen years ago)

I propose "Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend" (xxp)

― The Reverend, Saturday, 20 October 2007 00:16 (eighteen years ago)

gear is fake

― RJG, Saturday, 20 October 2007 01:54 (eighteen years ago)

I mean Gear! is fake

― RJG, Saturday, 20 October 2007 01:55 (eighteen years ago)

eleven months pass...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/dd/Burial_at_sea_Feb2004.jpg/800px-Burial_at_sea_Feb2004.jpg

― J4gger Dynamic Pentangle (Just got offed), Monday, 29 September 2008 16:28 (seventeen years ago)

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00422/snf21DEL_422073a.jpg

― Glans Christian Christian christian Christian Andersen (MPx4A), Monday, 29 September 2008 17:02 (seventeen years ago)

four months pass...

This came up on the first page of results when I ran a search for "Charles Burst".

― jon /via/ chi 2.0, Monday, 9 February 2009 21:57 (sixteen years ago)

eleven months pass...

Time for the yearly bump.

― smashing aspirant (milo z), Thursday, 28 January 2010 20:53 (fifteen years ago)

check if the roommates are home first

― Dr. Algernod Goon (some dude), Thursday, 28 January 2010 20:54 (fifteen years ago)

one year passes...

bump for posterity

― dozens, maybe even hundreds, of vagina related screen names (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 03:44 (fourteen years ago)

still classic. I'll bet this guy wouldn't care if you were home or not.

― Gukbe, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 03:46 (fourteen years ago)

THIS:

she's got her ass in the air while this scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attempting to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS.
ON MY COUCH

& THIS:

MY LIVING ROOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING I'VE SMELLED BEFORE

4alltyme.

I miss the pic of the Weezer & Jimmy Eat World cds the trucker hat dude left behind.

― Mucho! Macho! Honcho!: Turn Off The Dark (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 04:12 (fourteen years ago)

I am too busy choking on my own roffle to post the "miss you" video for trucker hat guy

― unwarranted display names of ilx (mh), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 04:36 (fourteen years ago)

How would ILX react if this turned out to be untrue?
-- milo z, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:08 (3 hours ago) Link
i dunno it's kind of like that story about George Washington chopping down the cherry tree or something
― latebloomer, Friday, 7 September 2007 00:08 (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

There's a page on Snopes about this, and Stephen Fry is referencing this purely to take points off Alan Davies on QI next week.

― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 08:48 (fourteen years ago)

oh man, this thread. what memories.

― Cindy Mancini can ride my lawnmower anytime (thebingo), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 13:43 (fourteen years ago)

three years pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSH4aRcMsTE

― buzza, Saturday, 7 February 2015 02:19 (ten years ago)

man if ever there was a thread that wa slong overdue for a sequel

― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, 7 February 2015 02:38 (ten years ago)

slong overdue

schlong overdue?

― You are swimming in spaghetti. Without a paddle. (snoball), Saturday, 7 February 2015 21:35 (ten years ago)

boom! thusly

― contenderizer, Saturday, 7 February 2015 21:39 (ten years ago)

I am delighted to find that Google still only returns one result for "cummy hinder".
― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:56 (8 years ago) Permalink

and still

― there can be only (onimo), Tuesday, 10 February 2015 12:06 (ten years ago)

eight months pass...

And if she says "I never thought you'd ask!" and smears her cummy hinder all over the kitchen, where will that leave poor Gear!?

― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, 10 October 2015 04:20 (ten years ago)

four years pass...

btw "cummy hinder" does actually yield a few porn site results now including that phrase.

DJP can copyright the usage of that term and make some coin

― Bublé in the changer, I wish I was dead (Neanderthal), Sunday, 22 December 2019 19:01 (five years ago)

four years pass...

"It was 20 years (+6 days) ago today ..."

― an icon of a worried-looking, long-haired, bespectacled man (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 19 April 2024 12:36 (one year ago)

she's befouling my heretofore innocent couch!!!

― Big Bong Theory (stevie), Friday, 19 April 2024 13:32 (one year ago)

A time of legend.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 April 2024 17:27 (one year ago)

she's befouling my heretofore innocent couch!!!

Manowar's finest hour

― ain't nothin but a brie thing, baby (Neanderthal), Friday, 19 April 2024 18:05 (one year ago)

where were you (when the world stopped turning)

― Daniel_Rf, Friday, 19 April 2024 18:09 (one year ago)

Pivotal. Epochal.

― ian, Friday, 19 April 2024 20:51 (one year ago)

Interestingly, I was just minutes ago reading someone's blog, in which he made mention of spotting someone wearing a trucker hat "...as though it were still 2004"

― Hongro Hongro Hippies (Myonga Vön Bontee), Friday, 19 April 2024 21:29 (one year ago)

"if you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed."

Take it up the bum, baby
If that's the way you want it baby
Then I don't want you on my couch

― ain't nothin but a brie thing, baby (Neanderthal), Friday, 19 April 2024 21:51 (one year ago)

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