Passive aggressive housemates..

Then wait and see what sign she puts up next.

please don't use my pink breakfast bowl. The reason why I keep it in my
personal shelf is that I don't want to run around in the house searching
for it and then having to clean it up.

M.

referring to his magical bowl that was sitting amongst the other bowls, having obviously gotten very lonely and in need of company.

I don't doubt that it annoys her that I am sometimes kinda lax on cleaning up, but I am not any more so than they are, and at least I take out the trash. argh. This person, though, I suspect lots of things irritate her. People not behaving the way she thinks they ought irritate her, and in this category I include, let's see, religious people, quite a lot of celebrities, the American government, some of her fellow students, etc., etc.. She is pretty damn grouchy and is a workaholic too.

in my house, at the weekend onetime my dad put a note on some bottles of miller beer.

"These are not for Ronan"

However I added to it "because Ronan thinks only mum would drink bottles of miller".

Immature perhaps but I feel it was Dad who was "murked" in that case.

i'm going to torch it before i leave.

Kephm - the passive aggression or the overreacting? :)

xpost

It's my pink bowl, the only pink bowl in the house and always on my shelf!
It's apparently a problem for people to accept that I keep my dishes on my
shelf so everybody grabs what he/she needs.

Now you know how it looks, so next time you see it elsewhere but on my
shelf, why don't you put it back on it.

That wouldn't be a problem if you would have cleaned it up right away and
stashed it away neatly. But that's yelling against a tornado, so why bother.

m

To the house: My shelf is the middle one on the left side, right above the
dishes. Whatever is stashed there is off limits to the house.

It's possible that she just got motivated to keep the sink clean, and the sign is her way of saying something to the effect of "Yay! If we all work together and decide to keep this sink clean the way I have then our kitchen will be more enjoyable for everybody!"

I'm totally serious, by the way.

If she really is being bossy or whatever, tell her she can sublet somewhere else.

AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO BE
A LITTLE POLICEMAN, YOU
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GO
THROUGH MY PERSONAL CUPBOARD.

A few weeks later, I discovered he was using them to copy massive amounts of software illegally after hours, at work, with work equipment.

Recently it's been pretty good, though. Just last night I suggested to him that we have a "no festering" policy - ie we can't let the dishes just fester in the sink for days. It's not even that big an ask, anyway, as we own a dishwasher. He seemed pretty receptive to the idea. He seems to be genuinely disatisfied with the messiness (as I was, before I got on this cleanliness kick) and welcomes the opportunity to fix shit up.

I've also been trying to keep the kitchen really clean in the hopes that he'll follow by example. Although I am wary of cleaning up after him and him getting used to it. I'm not frustrated, but if I do start getting annoyed I'll have to resort to leaving "his" dishes to sit around while every other available surface will be spotless.

Funnily, if you'd asked me a few months ago who does more household cleaning I would have said him, for sure, and that I feel guilty for not doing enough work around the place. I guess I finally realised that making other people feel guilty is much easier than feeling guilty yourself. Cleaning the house can be a stress-reliever, too!

Jesus won't help when the bed catches fire and the house burns down and we're all stuck on the third floor because we don't have a fire escape.

yes, they are, as Tuomas correctly states, little things, but they are damn annoying.

Years before that I had a roommate who used the dishwasher once when we moved into the apartment and never again. Needless to say, the dishes were still in the dishwasher when we were cleaning up before moving.

This is why I don't use the dishwasher.

I do this. Its not laziness, its being economical with water, electricity and the bloody expensive dishwasher poweder.

I actually run it about 2-3 times a week but fucked if Im going to run the thing every night if theres one plate or something to wash - thats what the sink is for.

I'm a slob, and I'm reasonably sure one or 2 flatmates have got fed up and left because of it. Ive had the snide notes (after I one time left one bowl on the coffee table for a day or 2!?). Ive had the subletter move in and, after 2 days, rearrange my ENTIRE KITCHEN because she was "bored". I still can't find some things.

Then there's Mr "I didn't do it, it was dolly" deny everything. He's a spoilt brat this one. Used to be a very close friend, til we lived together - then I noticed all this suddenly-appearing mess - cig ash/burns on the carpet, an entire cup of coffee upended all over the floor via my PC speaker, a tomato sauce splotch. Bear in mind I dont eat tomato sauce, and when the coffee stain appeared not only was I not even in the city, I found an empty cup with driblles on it in the sink as well as this big fuckoff stain - and what does he do?

HE SWEARS BLIND HE DIDN'T DO IT. I mean... god, fine, have some accidents, just dont be an ostrich about it, youre 26 years old for christs sake.

We're still not really on good speaking terms anymore :(

The quotes were meant to emphasize that she very rarely did succeed in actually running the dishwasher and was too lazy to wash the dish or glass as soon as she was done using it. I'm all for running a full load in the dishwasher if you've got it, but piling it up a dish or glass a day over a week or two is nonsense, especially if you've got roommates who might also like to use the dishes occasionally.

you take turns cooking?

(but I have to say that when I'm on my own I leave the dishwasher until it's half-full at least. I put it on about a couple of times a week. Non-dishwasher stuff like pans and knives get washed up the same day they're used.)

The funniest of these cleaning fits was when she decided she didn't want her bloke seeing the cat's litter tray, which we kept in the bathroom. So, she hid it, by putting it in the bath and drawing the shower curtains. The cat, of course, couldn't find it, so crapped on the pile of dirty clothes she'd left on the bathroom floor instead.

(which I then had to clean up, because she wouldn't go near it.)

"I got rather annoyed on 28/9/01 while doing all the washing up that was mouldering in the sink. What really got me was the pan of rice that was sitting there, half-dissolved. So I wrote these web pages..."

http://www.fridgemagnet.org.uk/kitchen.shtml

This roughly (or maybe not really) relates to another story of the same house-sharing-people:

We rented the house from a woman who was away for a year or so. She let her neighbour keep his car in her garage over the winter. Now, this car was a Ferrari Testa Rossa. The neighbour was obviously not rich, and had presumably been saving to buy this car for years. It was shiny and perfect. One day I scratched it with my bike. It was fucking horrible, I felt like the biggest jerk ever, but I had absolutely no money to pay him should he demand it, so I didn't tell anyone. I had nightmares for months about the owner finding out, but eventually in the spring he took the car out, and never said anything, so I knew I was in the clear, even if my conscience wasn't.

When we moved out of the house we had a big good-bye-dinner, and I figured this was the time to reveal my little Ferrari-scratching-incident to the other tenants. When I did, they all started laughing hysterically. I was puzzled, it wasn't really that funny, but after a while they revealed that they had secretly had some fun of their own with the car. They'd been frequently sneaking down to the garage taking NUDE PICS OF THEMSELVES POSING ON THE HOOD. I never got to see the pics unfortunately.

Haha, this proves my theory that txt messages are a blessing from God to people who have social inhibitions.

xpost

really it's just when he's having ass-sex it's rude to open the door and yell.

1) She cannot bear any form of fabric except her own manky hand towel in the bathroom - so the bathmat (which our lovely landlady recently put in) was at first kicked into a corner and not replaced whenever she left the bathroom. Then it disappeared. My other flatmate and I found it last night hidden in the bottom of a cupboard under a load of other stuff. If anyone leaves a towel in the bathroom it gets hung on their doorknob or otherwise moved during the course of the day (never when anyone else is around - she's very secretive). The other day a towel that Rob had used was thrown onto my spice rack in the kitchen.

2) Note leaver: over the winter there was one ordering us to leave the heating at a specific level since her room is on a different floor and therefore colder than ours. Hellooooooooo two is a bigger number than one and just go buy an electric heater (since the rent is inclusive of bills) you insane witch kthxbye.

3) Recent note found on return from holiday (when other flatmate had also been on holiday): "Please clean the toilet with the brush when necessary". Errr so you want us to clean your poo stains from the toilet when you haven't been arsed to yourself? Also, why not try teaching us to suck eggs while you're at it?

4) Can't bear anything placed on her food cupboard. I put a new bottle of shampoo on there while waiting for her to get out of the bathroom one morning. She came out, took the time to move the bottle several feet onto the kitchen table but not to say 'good morning' to me, then virtually ran upstairs.

5) Is never in, but buys large amounts of really expensive Marks & Spencer food and then leaves it to rot. Oh except sometimes it doesn't rot, she throws away tons of perfectly good food because its Use By date is next week or something. Bread is used for decorative purposes only.

Man. There's nothing really offensive there, but it's the randomness of it all that throws us. She obviously can't cope with living with other people, and is looking for a place to buy (since she is obv filthy rich, being a lawyer). Can't come soon enough.

xpost

Oh I second that emotion. However as housemate is ideal housemate in all other respects it's not such a biggie.

Worst thing ever was having the flatmate who made a fortune and labelled her food in the fridge even though nobody ever ate it.

xxxpost that is to say: the damn dog shouldn't exist.

I don't get the subletter-who-changes-the-rules thing. If you sublet, you are borrowing a place to rent. That's like two tiers removed from being allowed to make decisions about the place. You have no say in that shit.

Stence, if you can't put the baking sheets in his bed, you should at least be able to take them, while they are hot, and put them in his lap if he happens to be home when you preheat the oven and forget to remove them first.

I had an flatmate once who ruined my cutting board by leaving it in the sink to soak despite the fact that it was made of wood. Honestly that's about the only thing I can remember that still bugs me to this day. Everything else is either a funny anecdote now or I've forgotten already.

Luckily, Jen and I are clean and messy in similar ways, so there's not a lot either of us can really say to each other without being at least a little hypocritical.

The only time I can ever remember leaving a note was in college, living with like 20 other people in a house. I made a note explaining why flushing the toilet while someone was taking a shower was bad. (We had a big water temperature fluctuation problem when the toilet got flushed. It could effectively give second degree burns or turn the showering person into an ice cube, and there really wasn't any way to tell which way it would go until the flush came down and it was too late.)

My fiance does this. She also gets a can of Coke out of the fridge, opens it, takes a few sips, and sets it down. My house is going to be so full of three-quarters full Coca-Cola cans this fall.

I can't wait, actually.

None of this is the way to go, I think the only way to deal is lead by example, early and often, although that can be its own kind of passive agressiveness

Christ, I hate my roommate. And her chihuahua, and her fucking personality, and her bad gas and her 150 minute phone conversations. And I'm not being passive-agressive, (says the guy complaining on ILE) but there's absolutely no way of taking a goddamn shower now. It's all covered with fucking slime. Bitch. And if the chihuahua comes near me again I'm gonna kick the shit out of it.

Got a webcam?

guys?

This reminds me of one of my favourite overheard one-liners:

"Now who's boob is *this* then?"

Chorus:
Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo
Abiyoyo, yoyoyo, yoyoyo

Once upon a time there was a little boy who
played the ukelele. He'd go around town,
'Blmp, blmp, blmp, blmp, blmp, blmp, blmp,
bImp blmp blmp, blmp blmp, blmp!'
Grown-ups said "Get that thing out of here!"

Not only that, the boy's father was a gettin'
in trouble. He was a magician. He had a
magic wand. He could go 'Zoop! Zoop!' make
things disappear. But the father played too
many tricks on people. Somebody doing a
hard job of work, 'zzt, zzt, zzt', up comes the
father with his magic wand, 'Zoop!' no saw.
Come to someone about to drink a nice cold
glass of something, 'Zoop!' the glass
disappears, He'd come to someone about
to sit down after a hard day's work, 'Zoopl'
no chair.

People said to the father, "You get out
of here, too. Take your magic wand and
your son!" The boy and his father were
ostracized. That means they made them
live on the edge of town.

Now in this town they used to tell stories.
The old people used to tell stories about
the giants that lived in the old days They
used to tell a story about a giant called
Abiyoyo. They said he was as tall as a
house and could eat...people... up.
Of course, nobody believed it, but they
told the story anyway.

One day, one day, the sun rose, blood red
over the hill. And the first people got up
and looked out of their window, they saw a
great big shadow in front of the sun. And
they could feel the whole ground shake.
'Stomp, stomp'. Women screamed, 'Ahh!'
Strong men fainted "Ohh!" - "Run for
your lives! Abiyoyo's coming!"

He came to the sheep pasture, grabs a
whole sheep, 'Yeowp!' Comes to the cow
pasture, grabs a whole cow, 'Yeowp!'
Daniel, "Grab your most precious
possessions and run! Run!" Just then the
boy and his father woke up "Hey, Paw,
what's coming over the field?" - Oh, Son,
that's Abiyoyo. Oh, if I could only get him
to lie down, I could make him disappear."

The boy said "Come with me, Father." He
grabs his father by one hand. The father
gets the magic wand, the boy gets the
ukelele. They run across the field. People
yelled, "Don't go near him! He'll eat you
alive!" There was Abiyoyo. He had long
fingernails cause he never cut 'em.
Slobbery teeth, cause he didn't brush
them. Stinking feet, 'cause he didn't wash
'em. He raised up with his claws, the boy
whips out his ukelele and starts to sing.

Chorus

Well, you know the giant had never heard a song
about himself before, and a foolish grin spread
over the giant's face. And the giant started to
dance "Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo," the boy
went faster, "Abiyoyo, yoyoyo, yoyoyo. Abiyoyo,
Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo," The giant
got out of breath. He staggered. He fell down flat
on the ground 'Zoop!, Zoop!' people looked out
the window, Abiyoyo disappeared.

They ran across the fields. They lifted the boy
and his father up on their shoulders. They said,
"Come back to town. Bring your damn ukelele,
we don t care anymore!" And they all sang:

Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo
(Oh, you sing it with me,)
Abiyoyo Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo

My Turn: When Miss Manners Discovers Clip Art
Suzanne monitored our every movement with the zeal of a dictator, but she never saw the big picture
PLEASE, don't post obnoxious signs around Kate Hahn

that ruins it???? i do that to mine every day!

Hi Elizabeth,

Just a note to remind you that personal items such as bath towels need to be kept in each tenant’s room. I am sure you understand it is both inappropriate and unhygenic to keep such items in the communal space – and in particular on the hand towel which all the tenants and guests share.

Cheers

Helen

Yeah you loon, of course keeping a towel next to another towel on a towel rail is inappropriate and unhygienic (where’d she get the above spelling from? She’s not American), of course it is. That’s why everyone in the whole freaking world has horrible diseases from other people’s towel cooties. I’m afraid that when I came home to find this perched on my door above the offending towel hung on the doorknob, I laughed like a hyena for at least a couple of minutes before realising that she was at home. She’d much rather leave a (admittedly hilarious) note than actually speak to me and expose her craziness to reasoned discourse. I really like the bit about it being a reminder as well: where’s the set of house rules that this supposedly comes from? Oh of course, inside her head with all the other mentalism. She’s probably scared to come out of her room now in case I give her icky germs generated through my amazingly filthy lifestyle habits.

but of course constantly replacing the towel in the bathroom isn't at all passive aggressive in itself ;) maybe you guys should try talking more.

Yes Ken, I know, but if I try to bring her mentalism up in conversation she might knife me. While wearing surgical scrubs and gloves.

My flatmate is weird, she keeps climbing into bed with me and then walking to the station with me in the morning, oh, hold on....

"I have written it on the calendar for you to do several times and you just ignore it".

That'll be something to with me not looking at the calendar then, and expecting people to include in in an every day conversation.

that ruins it???? i do that to mine every day!

Well, I've always just washed the cutting board off and immediately put it into the drying rack (as opposed to non-wooden dishes which I'll just leave to soak or sit in the sink). My mom told me cutting boards could warp & crack if allowed to soak up too much water. I never tested the theory myself, though the fellow I mentioned above left my cutting board to soak, and it did indeed crack just from sitting in the water too long.

Beats me.

1) Entire shell of watermelon
2) Rotten banana
3) bowl filled with fetid oatmeal

and that's we have flies.

Hahah oh I'm glad its not just me and mine that do this then *grin*.

Actually last night for probably the first time ever I came home and quite went off at my b/f. It wasnt his fault, nor was it any direct event - rather, I'd allowed myself to walk home stewing, exhausted, carrying the groceries I'd had to get for the dinner I had too cook, and kept thinking about how I was the only one doing said cooking, shopping and cleaning. And how he never ever put away his dirty socks, or thought to put on a load of washing even though he'd complain he had no clean clothes.

So I sort of lost it at him and said I was fed up and exhausted and about to crack. I immediately felt horrible and guilty, but we didnt fight about it, he just said I was right, he wasnt helping enough, and now we've said we'll take turns each night doing either the cooking or cleaning.

I hate confrontations, especially with partners, I'm rather relieved this one went without any fighting! I tell you what, I felt bloody rotten after it though. I felt like i'd been selfish. How's that work!?

(Remind me I said this in six months, when he's driven me crazy.)

Maybe if we're really nice to him, he'll take us for a ride in it. That would be awesome.

I have a career in a place where if you don't ask for something clearly, it won't get done. Tough shit, that's the way things work - it doesn't bother me. This hasn't seemed to help.

Considering that it has also been known for my flatmates (a couple) to speak in their own devised language to each other when they want to talk about something private in the same room as me, I suppose I shouldn't find this surprising. This latter point is way more annoying. If you want to talk private, go somewhere private. What they do is plain rude.

this question is a little different, but i'd like people's opinions. note leaving seems to make people really mad, but is that because you live with these people, and should be able to talk normally? we have a problem that often on saturday mornings there is smash-hits type music played very loudly from about 9am, and salsa played loudly on sunday mornings. so loudly that i can still hear the music with earplugs in.

we were thinking about writing a note and putting it on the door of the building asking that people keep the volume of music down before 10 or so on weekends, which seems like a reasonable request. especially since we're not exactly sure where the music is coming from, and certainly don't know our neighbors. but will this make it worse? any other ideas of how to solve this?

In other news, my crazy flatmate is now not speaking to me at all when I say 'hello' to her. Maybe she's been reading this thread.

The point being... you might not want to have that conversation *when* the problem is occuring. You might want to wait and confront them at a reasonable time of day when you (and they) are clear-headed.

result!

I got annoyed with the 2 or 3 couriers who plot up right outside my window during the day, not even using the pub, just loitering between jobs, because one of them is a Spanish girl with a voice that could melt lead. She won't cooperate with polite requests to be quieter, as in her opinion people have to make compromises in the city or else they shouldn't live there (might I add the obvious: unless they're her). I told her that this time she would be compromising, not me, and if she didn't like the compromises of living in a big city when it was her turn to make them, now was the time to fuck off back to Alicante.

Yes, that was rude, but I went in polite and gave her a chance to be polite too, and she wasn't. Knowing that it's possible to contact her despatcher and tell them that people dressed head to toe in their livery have been asked to stop loitering and have refused to do so, and one of them's a Spanish girl with long hair and Ronaldo's overbite, would put the cat amongst the pigeons. Also this girl and her boyfriend are pissing off the community of couriers here for a few reasons and this would be the last straw.

The only time in my life that passive-aggression has EVER worked-

In my old apartment in NYC, there was a guitarist who used to practise her licks late at night, when I was trying to sleep. So the next morning, when I woke up at 8am or something, I got out my bass and started to practice. With my practice amp pointed directly down. Now anyone with ears knows that the thumping noise of a bass carries a LOT further a lot louder than a guitar. About ten minutes later, there was a little knock on my door.

"Would you mind not playing bass so early in the morning?" the downstairs neighbour asked.
"If you agree not to play guitar after 10 o'clock at night, I won't play bass before 10 in the morning."

Who says I don't know how to compromise?

(We actually ended up becoming friends after that, even though our housemates hated each other. It was quite funny!)

Thank god this thread was already here!

The latest thing is that my garlic crusher must be kept in my food cupboard, as it 'smells', but they have no problem using it and badly cleaning it, so it does smell.
Anything we leave out will be put into my tiny cupboard. This included litres of milk, dirty plates, and random packaging.

i live alone and this is still a problem

I'm viewing a new place in 25 minutes. It is €120 more a month, but it is worth it.

ugh tell me about it. both of my evil housemates are moving out at the end of the year thank god - after so much crap that ended in housemate no. 1 screaming at housemate no.2 who burst into tears, and me leaving the house and staying with a friend for three days. and when i came back, they were both suddenly BFFs and I was their new enemy. crazy bitches.

We recently had some friends over for dinner, which was so contraversial as it involved us actually using the sitting room. We gave no warning, just cleaned, which was a bit much for them. Alpha Female no.1 was clearly distressed as she came down wearing pyjamas in front of someone from her class. We are now not at any level of communication with her.
As soon as our friends the three females and adjoining boyfriends quickly gathered in the sitting room, as the idea of not having tea in dirty mugs not all fitting on the couch watching bad reception crap television and talking about soap operas like it is real life was TOO much to take.
The viewing of the new place was delayed by ten minutes, so I'm off. As long as there's an operating door into it and something like a wall, and broadband internet, I'm saying 'we'll take it! where do I sign?' asap.

God, this thread. I don't think I can ever, ever go back to having a room mate. I'm currently trying to convert the raw attic in my house to a large bedroom and bathroom with the initial hopes of getting a house mate and having them pay about 40% of my mortgage. But really, I think I'd rather just be poor.

I've had two housemates arrested: One for threats and the other for stealing hundreds of records, and I gotta say that marriage is the absolute best possible thing ever to happen to my living situation: No drama and cooperation 99.99% of the time.

The difficult thing about having yr housemate arrested is that if you can't toss his stuff while he's in jail, then it gets really awkward when he comes back.

yikes!

my new housemate next year is a good friend who i've known since we were 9, so yeah, i'm looking forward to not having bullshit drama to deal with. and even if there was, there won't be any problems calling the other one out for it.

In terms of passive aggression -- as opposed to the outright kind -- I've had more issues living with good friends than with strangers. With a friend, I cut 'em some slack at the start. Then I start to think they're taking advantage of it. Maybe I say something, and they forget, so I feel like I should take advantage of them in some way they may never even notice. And then a month or two in, they complain about the sound my spoon makes on my cereal bowl in the morning, totally out of the blue. And the weirdness/passive aggression just gets worse.

Since I'm with someone I plan to be with forever, I feel truly invested in getting along, so resolving such issues immediately is tremendously easier. With a temporary housemate, there's always the looming possibility of the "out": You can just walk away with relatively few consequences, so why put too much effort into it?

We are being the passive aggressive house occupants at the mo, although not without reason. The people in the flat upstairs have taken to doing some kind of exercises, on a bike or a rowing machine or something, for 45 minutes at 11pm at least twice a week. Which is extremely loud and annoying. I'd rather it was loud music or something. So we've started blaring out loud music while they do it (that's the passive aggressive part). I worry about the other neighbours though (on either side rather than above us), they're nice.

Great! I'm moving out. We are now dancing around the issue of asking the landlady for a reference. Technically we haven't been model tenants.

One the passive agression fronts, we are very guilty. We close the gate just because it pisses them off, even though it is quite alot of work. We cook better meals than them, and bring around people they don't like.

My upstairs neighbor used to watch his TV at annoyingly loud volumes. One day, I invited him over after work for cookies and coffee. We shot the breeze for 20 minutes, and then I asked him to turn down the TV. He did, and it hasn't been a problem now for at least a year.

libcrypt that's so sensible, what are you some kind of freak

We have great neighbors in the house on the right of us. The only passive-aggressive thing I've done is stop-up a small PVC drain that emptied out into our driveway. I don't even think the current neighbors are aware of the drain.

I don't think libcrypt's telling the whole story. "cookies and coffee". "shot the breeze".

once my roommate interrupted me while i was brushing my teeth to tell me that she thinks "things fall apart" when she goes away for a weekend. (the dishes were all my other roommates.)

we get along fine now, though.

I invited him over after work for cookies and coffee. We shot the breeze for 20 minutes, and then I asked him to turn down the TV. He did, and it hasn't been a problem now for at least a year.

They blocked the door I go through with a clothes horse. Insane bitches

I did the vacuuming on Saturday (there was a lot of crap on the tiles and on the carpet - and I did a thorough job of it). Sunday afternoon, I came back into the house, my housemate had the vacuum cleaner sitting in the middle of the floor and she said, 'I was going to the vacuuming but I can't be bothered now'. I kind of laughed and walked away.

(I must stress that it was very apparent that I had already done the vacuuming, and the place was still very clean)

I once lived with a terrible girl who stole the weird light bulb from my lamp for the identical one she had. It was totally obvious that she did it because mine was new but suddenly it was covered in dust except for a few finger shaped clean bits. So I stole it back and then she stole it back and wrote "Jen's Bulb" on it.

She ended up owing the landlord over two grand.

I've started playing Black Dice in the kitchen when I don't want to be interrupted. Once I wanted someone to clean up the awful state they'd left the kitchen in. I put on Bloc Party and they all came down for tea because they thought one of the other ones was in the kitchen. Then they tidied a bit.

i live alone and this is still a problem

gff painfully OTM, tho hahahaha is what I said

I may have killed this professor a few weeks ago by my passive aggresive ways

:) @ u Abt

Woke up this morning to find two glass bottles in our personal cupboard. They were previously on a narrow section of shelf next to the microwave used by nobody but us.
In anticipation of moving out, I have removed most of what we own out of the kitchen. They can burn in hell.

I am so looking forward to taking all my stuff away when I have to move in January, and relishing my roommate(s) suddenly having no pots, no pans, no dishes, no kitchen knives, no carrot peeler, dish towels, tea kettle, etc etc.

me too when i move in a couple months. hi-five, laurel!

Yeah! Way to be passive aggressive!

me: couches, washing machine, microwave, most of the cutlery/plates/glassware, majority of the cooking stuff, barbecue, lamp, etc.

them: coffee machine, some cooking implements, TV, coffee table, kitchen table.

good luck having coffee at your table in your filthy clothes, you bastards!

us:
two woks (one ruined by them, one new one hidden by us)

all good photographs (ie the ones that aren't of them having a 'night out' in the sitting room and the dump of a club people don't go to anymore

the nicest plate

any clean mug, good knife, functional teaspoon

pepper grinder (oh yeah)

two blankets they live under

any good artwork

our lives (we want them back)

but since when is getting a place like a job? they 'check with your references'. actually I know it is like this in the real world. But I have a horrible feeling something is going to go wrong.
we've said we'll be out by the end of the month. hopefully not onto the streets.

their 'rota' suggests that tonight I am 'mopping the corridor'. Since I have never ever seen this done ever, if they force me to do it, I may react with a dirty protest.

just do it, it'll take 10 seconds and then you can be smug

which, the mopping or the dirty protest?

oh both i suppose but i mean the first

hmmm, the mop smells, so maybe I'll end up doing the latter anyway. Rather not though, as I have a table of 45 to serve tonight. I am napping in advance.

Yes, we had that little problem: The housemate that was the most "offended" by the "state" of the apartment was the one who has never scrubbed the bathroom but HATES what he sees as clutter (ie everyone else's possessions).

People should clean by priorities, I think. Do the part that makes you the happiest and arrange w/ someone else to do what makes THEM happy. I hate chore rotations SO MUCH b/c no one cleans the same way, so one person just takes a swipe at the sink and one scrubs the floor.

the mop smells? that is a small price to pay for having smugness rights over your lame housemates

Especially as in preparation for moving out we are removing ourselves from downstairs, so they can't force us to partake in the cleaning chores. Unfortunately this means we have no food, and we are often hungry. Really life would be alot easier if people just lived more independently. The three girls probably share each others underwear at this stage.

xpost

No I really don't believe I would feel smug. More that I have bowed to their wishes...

dude that way of thinking is a total trap

q: do you like clean floor? if y: mop it - this allows you to be smug, as i have already mentioned, but also gives you leverage and authority for yelling match should they shirk their own (self-imposed) duties

The problem is that you never end up having the yelling match cos you're too much of a coward :(

our housemate couple had quiet, hateful little arguments all the time until one night in the bedroom next to ours he punched her in the throat. we had to get an ambulance for her.

we had, at that stage, been using only our bedroom as an all purpose dining/sitting room for three months because these two were so awful.

i should point out that my then-gf owned the house, but couldn't work out how to ask them to leave. it happened fairly quickly after that little incident.

oh shit

dunno if that's actually passive aggressive tho...?

Fuck off, I don't think coward is the word. I've yelled at these girls, really, it makes no difference. Violence is the only answer, but I'd consider that going too far.

yeah my last housemate's bf once stayed over and they had a fight which ended up with his hands around her neck and me jumping on his back to get him off her. And then she kicked him in the face. It was her birthday too. he was very drunk. I didn't let him back in the house for months.

xp

xposts

well, she was passive aggressive, to an unbelievable extent, which helped to create the atmosphere in the house.

i'm not saying she had it coming or anything, but at the same time she had a little pinched hate-face i'd never tire of kicking.

housemate violence just isn't as fun when girls are involved.

I've considered piano wire on the stairs, or a pellet gun from the window. The coward in me prevents that from happening.

just get out of the house as often as possible until you can find somewhere else. i've never been so socially involved as in that three months.

i did the local panto, so it's not all good, mind.

a little pinched hate-face i'd never tire of kicking.

this describes my current housemates so well. It's not so much fighting about chores or whatever, it's the dirty looks, and shit like dumping plates really loudly in the sink or slamming doors just to make a point. christ.

hell is other people, etc etc

my SO rents a three bed detached house with her younger brother. result, cos he does what he's told.

o-ess i think Mark C meant "you" as in "one"

hahaha housemates

I refuse to up the ante with my tales from the mid '90s, involving crabs and theft of electric razor by other's one-night stand.

yeah...bit on the edge today. apologies.

leaving means i can't ever introduce a plague to the house, or sew dead fish into their mattresses, or put laxatives in their food. though maturity prevails as a result.

sew dead fish into their mattresses

ooh that's a good one, but stuffing the curtain rail with them is the absolute guaranteed tear-up-the-walls-and-floor answer.

Dear couple that leave notes on the inside of the front door saying "for the consideration of all residents, do not slam this door or make a noise in the hallways" and then park right outside our window at 7:30 every morning leaving your engine running for 10 minutes and the car stereo blaring through the open car doors and your children running back and forth squealing while you go back into the house, I am so glad you are leaving. So glad! Much love and that.

I am going to have to look for a room in a shared house soon and I will likely be much older and more misanthropic/uncool (and, uh, untidier, to be honest, but this isn't a good thread to admit that on) than the other residents and I am not looking forward to it.

I mean I LIKED my last housemates and I still went a bit crazy with the guy in the room below mine who had an electronic piano on which he played Phantom of the Opera all day, or the girl who clearly had problems with alcohol (possibly also with eating disorders) and returned in the early hours several nights a week wailing "why do you let me do this?" before coating the bathroom walls and pipes with vomit, or...

mickey mouse stuff. let me tell you about my brother.

stuffing the curtain rail with them is the absolute guaranteed tear-up-the-walls-and-floor answe

and much easier!
though we don't have curtains. now I wish we do

twice someone has left a printed-out note on the inside gate, protected by a clear plastic sleeve and affixed with plastic ties, that reads "CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR" which as a plea for common courtesy i feel is somewhat self-defeating

surely it has been shown -- on this board no less -- that prawns in the curtain rail is one of those things that everyone has heard of but no one in recorded history has actually ever done

but the cling film on the toilet seat thing has been done, right?

o-ess i think Mark C meant "you" as in "one"

That's probably generous - I guess I really meant "you" as in "I"

I am so looking forward to taking all my stuff away when I have to move in January, and relishing my roommate(s) suddenly having no pots, no pans, no dishes, no kitchen knives, no carrot peeler, dish towels, tea kettle, etc etc.

-- Laurel,

This is a terrible thing to happen. I was in a shared house with two other singles and a couple. The couple told us they were moving out and only gave us a weeks notice. Nothing was going wrong, they just wanted their own place. They took EVERYTHING. Including spare light bulbs, bin baags and Hoover bags purchased by another flatmate and kitchen equipment that belonged to me. We were supposed to still be friends and I had to go round to their new place and be all "I want my wok back. And my potato peeler. And the good knives. And the set of china espresso cups that were a 21st birthday present from my friend Caroline. And by the way, you and Tom went halves on the kettle and toaster set, so we would like one of them back." Then I asked for the light bulbs etc because I was feeling pissed off and petty and bitter.
Actually, he was, and still is, one of my good friends. She was a headcase. They split up after a year. I blame her for everything.

If you hate them Lauren, and want to piss them off, it will work like a charm.It sounds like you can't stand them - just don't leave a forwarding address!

just don't leave a forwarding address

this is one of the rules of life they don't tell you about.

Well, Anna, all the stuff is MINE, and one of them has asked me to leave out of the blue so he can move his pregnant girlfriend and her dog in. Now, no one planned this pregnancy so it's an inconvenience all around, but I'm not the one who was casual about birth control, and I'm being pushed out of a house that I have liked being in & prob can't afford to live in the neighborhood again.

Anyway, they don't cook much and I do, so if I wanted a new egg pan or anything I BOUGHT ONE and didn't ask them to split it for exactly this reason.

Does anyone else have rooms you have to walk through to get to other rooms? This is the bane of my life. I'd almost go outside, up the alley, through the outside backdoor...you get the picture.

Not sure if this counts as passive aggressive, but...
once upon a time I had the worst roommate ever. Not just the normal, very annoying things, but some very serious "get out of my life now" kind of things. The base-level nuisances were things like - eating all my food, giving my beer to her boyfriend, breaking things and insisting that I fix them, waking me up to inform me that sleeping on the couch was "immature", awful music always on repeat, spending disconcerning amounts of time in the shower with her bf, on and on and on I could go! She also got accused of identity theft and fraud by some very angry people. She vanished and left me to deal with these people now staked out infront of our apartment all night! The icing on the cake was when she returned and finally dealt with them - she denied anything was wrong and lied through her teeth until I revealed they had told me everything.

So one awful day, recently after the fraud incident, I get home from an exhausting day to discover my dinner had already been eating, beer drank and I could not have desperately needed access to the shower/toilet due to... well, whatever was going on in there. An hour later I finally get in there, hungry, furious and disgusted by whatever events may have just taken place in there between her and her intolerable boyfriend. I was really beside myself with frustration and needed, desperately, an outlet for my angst. A release. So I picked up her body wash that I was quite sure the two of them must use and had a great angry wank right into it.

I was much calmer for the next few days.

Jesus Laurel, that's awful. I was kind of siding with you because you sounded pissed off at them and I know you in an internet way, whereas they are total strangers. But, yes, take it from me, if you want revenge it's a good one. And as everything is yours you get to keep the moral high ground too, which is rare in revenge situations.

In every sitcom ever?

Oh fuck someone posted all about Abiyoyo upthread? First-fifth grade was people just chanting that at me. It didn't upset me, but being associated with a horrible man-eating blue nasty monster that is easily manipulated into dancing was not all that swell.

I had one roommate who caught a mouse in one of those sticky traps and then set it on fire, and another one who cooked sausage and pot-roast every night.

And then there was the Texan who still owes me $200 for bailing him out of jail.

I had a roommate who liked to wear crown royal bags as slippers. I came home once and he was washing the dishes (good!) in some short-shorts and some platform stripper boots I had for a Halloween costume and my beach towel wrapped around his head Erykah Badu-style. Obviously blazed out of his mind. He was nice, but odd. He wore more makeup than me and called me "Roseanne" bcz I had a pageboy haircut, and I started to feel like a real dykey schlub around him. He also stole my sandwiches and leftovers but those were his major offenses.

He must've had small feet, right?

Yeah, size 8 in men's (10 in womens' equiv).

Those three roommates were the ones that threw all of their shoes into the living room once before I got home from work because I allegedly had a tendency to leave my own shoes in the public room.

They could've just said something.

Yeah but that's kind of funny.

Hilarious.

It was all quite sad when things went bad. In an effort to re-patch things, we baked expensive brownies for the Alpha Female's 21st, aiming to make 21 so as to seem caring, but whilst they were baking, in the other room with the door open, she made an open invite to the other girl to come out for celebratory dinner, not asking us. the other girl knew about the brownies but said nothing...we felt like idiots. when they came back she had obviously heard about the brownies and asked where they were. thankfully they were burnt.

I'm pretty sure I overheard my housemates bitching about me this morning for at least one of two bad things I have done.

1. Throwing a party in the flat while they were away, breaking several things in the process and amassing a huge bag of glass bottles which I have yet to do anything about.

2. Putting one guy's parcel of smelly cheese in the (empty) press, the cheese arrived before he left for three weeks but he didn't collect it from the office and the manager of the building forced me to take it to my flat.

Both of these things are pretty bad housemate material, however I regret neither. The party was really great and it was in honour of one of my favourite people. Also the cheese basically stank out the whole apartment everytime I opened the fridge, so whatevs, It really woulda bad vibed out the apartment for the party. Still, I'm pretty sure they just think I'm really stupid.

Yeah that would have fucked me off but your housemates are idiots for not having bothered to, like, ask you do do anything about it.

You should take a more aggressive tack yrself by confronting the bitching housemates and apologizing (even if you don't regret anything!!!!)

So fix the stuff you broke and take out the trash. It's not rocket party science. Should anyone have to ask?

i'm thinking of becoming a passive-aggressive housemate because i have been sharing a bathroom for almost 2.5 years and it's been mostly fine (and the rent is low in part because i don't have my own bathroom) but i have cleaned it like 100 times to his 1-2 times. each time he did it i asked him to and he did a shitty job like "dur i'm a boy and i've never had to clean, this looks good to me." but it hasn't been cleaned since may (i was gone all summer) and i want him to do it now. i wouldn't mind asking to his face except i know i'm going to be disappointed with it and do it again AND i'm frustrated that i even have to ask, it's obviously gross and mildewy so take some initiative. so i'm just going to complain about it on the internet. i won't even write him a note.

take out the bottles.

whats a press?

also i've read this like 10 times:

2. Putting one guy's parcel of smelly cheese in the (empty) press, the cheese arrived before he left for three weeks but he didn't collect it from the office and the manager of the building forced me to take it to my flat.

and i still have no idea what it means

ha xp

harbl, have you considered asking him if he would share the cost of a monthly housecleaner?

trash compactor right? he threw away his roommate's stinky cheese.

oh i thought he was keeping some friends stinky cheese for him because he had to go out of town

xp thing is i don't even mind doing it. i think bathroom cleaning is v rewarding! it's just the principle of it. also he has no money. he recently asked me how courts calculate how much child support you owe because he made his ex-gf pregnant and he said she is mad at him (rly i have no idea why, could be you impregnated her and are reluctant to pay child support) and he is a "musician," i.e, he's not employed. unless you mean i should make him pay me to clean the bathroom, which seems reasonable.

I was also trying to figure out what a "Press" is, when I was struck by the thought: you can buy mail order cheese?

isn't a press a cupboard?

Lol, a press is a cupboard, I kept it in a broom cupboard in the hallway so that it wouldn't smell the place out but I should have kept it in the fridge, but then I think its pretty annoying to be sent something that smells like a biohazard a day before leaving for three weeks and expecting your housemate to keep it in the kitchen. Yeah, mail order cheese wtf? I don't really mind any bitchiness since I'm barely here (school/work/school/work its an endless circle), it was just funny that they were ripping on me outside my door imagining I was in bed but was actually up reading.

I'm not actually complaining about them, I realise I'm the bad housemate, its just a funny realisation since I've had so many really bad housemates I never thought the shoe would be on the other foot!

To the point where the novelty hasn't really worn off and I'm finding it hard to feel even vaguely bad about it!

You couldn't have put the cheese in some Tupperware?

Woulda meant buying some, also, this was a REALLY big box that barely fit in the fridge.

ohhh...like a linen press, yeah?

you should have ate the cheese and denied all knowledge, silly

this was a REALLY big box that barely fit in the fridge.

ok this is pretty rude

but i'm betting it's not as if it's a solid block of cheese in the box -- packing materials etc -- so u could open the box, wrap the cheese (cheeses?) in clingfilm. they won't stink and you can get them in the fridge easier.

how long ago was the party? clearing out party detritus and replacing broken stuff (especially if it wasn't yours) asap and without having to be told is really basic good behaviour.

as for the cheese, ok it's inconvenient but omg you don't just shove stuff which needs to be refrigerated in an unrefrigerated cupboard wtf, i'd be seriously pissed off about that.

i sense the makings of a great reality show here starring I know, right? and lex pretend, presented by Rodney Bewes and James Bolam, the original Ant n Dec.

i have a housemate who is a bit moody and well, rather hard. my other housemate always meekly asks me to do moody's dishes, cuz he is too scared to ask him, hoping that they might be mine. i always do mine straight after tea, so i say nah, they're not mine. does he ask moody? nah, he pussies out and does them himself, lol.

If I went away and came back to a housemate who'd had a party without lettiyng me know, left a mess, BROKEN MY STUFF, left CHEESE IN A LINEN CUPBOARD and not said anything to me, I'd do more than just bitch about them behind their back. Dude, wtf.

That'd be pretty close to "please move out" level shiz to me.

thus your aggressiveness would be not so passive and you are worthy of the respect of the village elders.

I imagine I know, right? would humbly apologise for his behaviour, were he to be confronted about it, but since he has not been he chooses not to. Bravo, sir.

I think the problem is I put this in the wrong thread, but I've admitted in basically every post that I know I did bad housemate things, I just gave my reasons for not being broken up about them which surprises me about myself because i've always been an exemplary housemate. Still, there's a lot of things I'm really not bothered about lately so uh.

http://www.thecheesehasmoved.com/img/cheesepix/0091816971.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

p.s.: you did the right thing throwing the party, but clean up the mess already dude. Send the empty bottles someplace where they can be recycled.

i.e. the linen cupboard...

i remember one housemate i had, a huge mechanic bloke always stayed out late came in absolutely pissed out of his mind. but he was friendly as fuck and didn't cause us any grief.

last time i saw him, beeping his horn driving passed waving frantically with big grin on his face - with huge sprocket spanner still attached to locking nuts on the wheel of the car. (which two seconds later came flying off and i saw him pull up to go fetch it from a bush)

He sounds great!

his name was Bob

at least he didn't burn the house down when he was pissed, like I did. (legal note: disproven case between either drunkenly left candle on cistern or faulty electrics on first floor)

(or if you believe the neighbours - a satanic ritual was taking place that night and ended in tragedy)

Arg, why can't I afford to live alone, I'm seriously the least suited person to living with other people I know. Stupid French guy seems to be getting me back for the cheese thing by eating me out of house and home but he's so creepy I don't want to say anything to him. He's really creepy.

i read 'passive agressive housemates' and thought 'i am like that'. i hate it when it gets to the point of "why didn't you just say something?", when the onus is on others to maybe not push things to the point at which confrontation is necessary. it's like primary school logic, where you can do anything, but as long as you don't explicitly punch someone or swear then it's all implicit and o k.

this has nothing to do with your dilemma. is the cheese-eating french guy as stereotypical as he sounds? maybe you could win him over by serenading him with an accordion?

i got my bathroommate to clean the bathtub finally, by letting it get so mildewy he couldn't not notice. but now he's harboring his pregnant girlfriend (i think he might have a pregnant gf AND a pregnant ex-gf) and she's using the bathroom too and this kind of annoys me because she has long black hair and it's clogging the drain. there's only supposed to be two people using the bathroom. it seems like she just sits in his apartment all day while he goes to work too, it's very strange.

are the stray locks of hair long enough for you to arrange them to spell out CONTRIBUTE PLS? other people impinging upon your bathroom time/kitchen freedom/hallway ownership etc blows and feels financially amoral.

yeah that wouldn't creep him out at all lol

well the good thing is since she sits at home all day she doesn't have to get up early to shower whereas i am up at 6 when no one else needs it

the hair thing's a lol idea except i think long dark hair is gross esp when separated from its owner. not touching it.

it's like primary school logic, where you can do anything, but as long as you don't explicitly punch someone or swear then it's all implicit and o k.

Nooooo! It's so much better to be the bitchy direct one who gets the situation taken care of than the passive aggressive one. So much less rage builds up inside. Although directness doesn't always get the situation taken care of - once a housemate and I wrote "DO THE DISHES!" on the fridge in ketchup with a smeared handprint and the person whose turn it had been that weekend came in, laughed, and said "uh...would you guys mind if I did them tomorrow?"

i hate it when it gets to the point of "why didn't you just say something?", when the onus is on others to maybe not push things to the point at which confrontation is necessary

Probably should just say something. I know what you mean but unless you live with Klaus Kinski just saying something is usually better. No matter how compatible someone may be there's always going to be some small, problematic, behavioral tic or habit or whatever that's going to get on someone's nerves.. (Yknow, pick your battles etc etc but just sayin communication's sorta key to any living situation)

Living lectures from a guy who occupies a putrid garbage heap, so y'know, probably dismiss that if ya wanna...

er, xpost

i hate it when it gets to the point of "why didn't you just say something?", when the onus is on others to maybe not push things to the point at which confrontation is necessary.

COULD NOT AGREE MORE. I got lectured (!) about how MATURE people can confront each other about things they don't like. So my roommate who didn't mind confrontation was guilt-tripping me about how I didn't do the things she asked, and I wasn't asking for anything but I felt like basic standards of adulthood weren't being met, like not LIVING ALL OVER OTHER PEOPLE.

Keep in mind this is someone who had friends stay in my bed while I was away (without asking, several times), spilled hair bleach on my rug, left her underwear in the living room for a month, etc. And then would track me down to lecture me about not locking the front door, or getting some smoke in the apt.

Put it in his bed.

― dean? (deangulberry), Monday, July 19, 2004 10:17 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark

I did this with the trash once.

Laurel, I'm not sure whether your post makes me think that conflict-avoidant and direct people shouldn't live together, or that people whose discussion about cleanliness standards would turn into a conflict shouldn't live together. I hate hate hate confrontation and avoid it in discussions about politics especially, but making house rules isn't a confrontation if you're on good terms with roommates. OTOH people get offended over random unpredictable things sometimes.

i hate it when it gets to the point of "why didn't you just say something?", when the onus is on others to maybe not push things to the point at which confrontation is necessary.

Some people get pushed to this point more easily than others. Some people can get pushed to this point over next to nothing.

Basic levels of communication with the people you live with isn't hard, dudes. I never get it when housemates don't ever talk anything through with one another until the point at which they suddenly explode.

I dunno, I'm v bad at confrontation if the goal is to stay on speaking terms. More of a "burn it down and salt the earth" type really. I have trouble staying within the limits of reasonable politeness when someone else is getting bitchy.

And she was just pushy. She actually admitted that she thought it was reasonable to take someone else for whatever you could get until they pushed back. That would have gotten you a hiding in my family, it's just not the way I want to live.

this has been bugging me for 4 years but the more people revive this thread the more it annoys me and now I must SAY SOMETHING THERE'S TWO Gs IN THE WORD AGGRESSIVE CAN A MOD FUCKING CHANGE IT PLZ?!?!

I should def have said something earlier but I kept thinking; surely this is just a phase and she knows this isn't acceptable adult behavior? I totally underestimated the difference in our definition of "adult".

xpost maybe you just need to push back at the earliest opportunity then you don't have to actually "push" so hard and so can remain reasonably polite.

i learnt this through experience with people i lived with.

xxpost

people have difference in their definition of "adult" and "acceptable behaviour" is mainly what i've learnt

Laurel's right about it being a lame cop out to shirk responsibility and flip the blame.

making house rules

You're right. I just hate rules. :) Well, partly because people have a tendency to make rules ASPIRATIONALLY, like, "ideally, we will live like THIS" when that may not be at all realistic. Unfortch it was 2 against 1, with me arguing that the rules weren't reasonable. And then...surprise surprise, the other two didn't end up following them either, after fighting me about setting them.

"No smoking in the apartment...except when I have a party, or someone fires up the hookah, or pot smoking because pot is okay, or maybe on a day when I feel like letting you smoke if you ask nicely."

I mean not to turn this into a smoking argument again but it was like that about everything.

Notes = :(

Haha, we brought up a smoking ban in our house once, discussion on that didn't last long. We know ourselves. xpost

i had a text message the other day saying "hi ken have cleaned kitchen etc.. took ages so good if you could help keep it clean. ta."

because obviously when i see a nicely cleaned kitchen i would start throwing tomatoes to the walls and jizz over the sink

What do other people do?

See, I'm easy about kitchens and bathrooms!! When I clean I go slightly crazy, use a toothbrush on the grout, bleach the kitchen counters, etc. But then for another two months I'm fine with just wiping hairs out of the soap dish. I'm not picky at all day-to-day. And ugh! about notes.

Ken, you must ignore all communication that ends in "ta" because what precedes the "ta" is generally completely patronizing as in your sample above. I have been served well by this rule but I've never liked "ta" because it sounds nasal and lower middle class: "Serviette?" "Oh, ta." BLEURGH.

Laurel, that sounds how I generally live and I hate notes so much I correct the inevitable spelling mistakes just to be a bitch. It sounds like some of your roomies apply what I'd call Special Rules, ie. those the leaseholder makes and then varies arbitrarily just to let you know who's in charge. I've always told that sort of person they seek control over others in petty ways because they can't control their own shit to save their lives.

the leaseholder makes and then varies arbitrarily just to let you know who's in charge. I've always told that sort of person they seek control over others in petty ways because they can't control their own shit to save their lives.

Haha this is, and was, totally true. The pushy person wasn't even the leaseholder, she was just pushy, but her plus the Leasholder Dispensation made it 2 against 1 ALL THE TIME. Also, he was def compensating for not having his own shit in order.

well i'm considering sending a comminique about every single tiny thing i do for the house from now on as a counter-passive-aggressive manoeuvre.

but really i ought to strive to create a more active-beneviolent atmosphere.

haha "beneviolent"

i'm considering sending a comminique about every single tiny thing i do for the house from now on

This is what Twitter was designed for, right?

haha. shit yeah.

he's not on twitter but i think facebook updates will hammer home the point

P.S. thanks for fixing the typo!!!

KEN IS PLANNING TO SPUNK THE WALLS OF HIS SHINY CLEAN KITCHEN 3m ago

i know and like and am related to people that say "ta." >:(

ILPAH

Gbx: love the sinner, hate the sin ;-p

ILSOSCK

how are all you internet people shouting me down about how i should communicate with housemates more. everyone here is typing from their room while all the other housemates sing carols and each contribute an ingredient to a three course brunch in the kitchen.

also writing things in hair was not a serious suggestion.

anyway i just meant that diplomacy should take a backseat to just not being an asshole, or paying attention to the passive-aggressiveness and its causes; i think i generally feel like this about most things, ie that it's better to avoid things going wrong than it is to say sorry. if you cohabit with people, it's nice to be able to just do your own thing and shuffle around like nobody else's business, so the less infringement on others lives, like oh-man-i-have-to-clean-your-pan kinda stuff, the easier.

(...)everyone here is typing from their room while all the other housemates sing carols and each contribute an ingredient to a three course brunch in the kitchen.

(...)
― schlump, Monday, December 1, 2008 6:35 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

what fantasy world do you live in

When I was a senior in college I wound up living in a suite with two other seniors and a freshman (she was actual roommate) none of whom I knew beforehand. Freshman roommate was seriously crazy hooters girl turned Tisch theater major who went totally nuts. They stopped talking to me and started leaving notes on my bed. I stopped sleeping there.

I thought that we all just hated each other but found out about a month before graduating that she'd told the other two that I slept in her bed when she wasn't there, stole from her, and used her stuff - none of which was true.

Instead of confronting me about this they just believed her and turned against me. She then convinced them to steal money from me and they used it to order themselves dinner several times. In the end they apologized profusely, I found out that she'd actually stolen tons of my stuff and I got res life to kick her out of my room.

Yep, that was fun.

what the hell is wrong with ppl

not enough love

I hate notes so much I correct the inevitable spelling mistakes just to be a bitch.

Impressive up of the PA ante there.

Well you know what they say: In for a penny, in for a pound!

It was rly creepy coming home from trips to find my pillows disarranged and things not quite right in my room -- even more so b/c I'm positive that the uninvited guests in my bed TRIED to put everything back! But of course that's something you can't really fake.

I waited for a while to say anything because even being COMPLETELY SURE of my memories of my stuff, it still seemed...so way out there. I mean who DOES that?? I hope they enjoyed crawling into bed with my used sex toys because I do not move that shit for strangers who didn't even ASK.

Yeah that is totally creepy. :-(

My crazy roommate told the others that I was sleeping her her bed when she wasn't there which makes no sense at all and was completely ridiculous - I had my own perfectly good bed right there in the same room!

Hah! Yeah, that is some nut-case shit.

Best housemate ever = spouse.

I am the direct and, when necessary, confrontational roommate. Aaaand so many years ago I lived with three other folks - a friend of mine, someone we did not know, and a psychotic Texan. The psychotic Texan did the crazy roommate stuff - eating everybody's food, being a disgusting slob about dishes/laundry, having loud parties with a bunch of 17-year dudes (he was in his late 20s so ???) until very late when I had to be at a factory job at 6 am, hanging around the house in jeans with a ripped crotch and no underwear, getting drunk and threatening the rest of us (he was the only male, so he would get very belligerent and frighteningly misogynist when he was drunk), not putting my CDs back in their cases or just sticking them back in whatever case instead of finding the correct one, so after maybe a month of trying to be reasonable with him (Hey, I have to get up at 4:30 can you please not play music so loud?) or making jokes (Oh, dude, put on some underwear, your li'l Texan is peeking out) we decided to confront him. Being the direct one, I got to do the honors and about thirty seconds into my introductory speech about Why I Called You into the Living Room, he FREAKED OUT ON ME completely, screaming and yelling about how I AM THE PROBLEM and how everybody hates me and wants me to move out and my god damn roommates just sat there meekly, failing to come to my aid or even like, contradict what he was saying. He finally slammed off into his room and my roommates were like "OMG I can't believe he said that! What an asshole, etc. etc." In response to which I could only throw up my hands and head down the block to the bar.

The two benefits of that confrontation are that he did eventually move out, and at one point in his ravings he called me "Broadzilla" which is still one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

In honor of this thread, I just asked a coworker who was telling an incredibly loud and long and enthusiastic story of local cover band fangirl rivalry and MySpace shenanigans to please keep her voice down or tell her story walkin'.

Broadzilla!

schlump i did not think you were serious about writing things in hair i just liked the idea for a few seconds

After this revive & ╓abies' recent thread on squalor, can I just say that I am sooooooooo glad to have elevated my social status to the point where I can afford my own apartment. Even when I live with my girfriend (about half the time), there really is no substitute for complete freedom from bullshit like this. Sorry to gloat, people, but I've paid my dues with slobs, psychopaths, friends-turned-to-enemies cliquish gossipers & the whole lot of 'em & I am free!

Ditto. That psychotic Texan incident happened in 1996, and was the second-to-last group living arrangement of my life. Well, third-to-last if you count the marital bliss in which I currently live, but we're both pretty freaking quiet and tidy so it works out okay.

fucking TEXAS.

I'm only prepared to live with partners now, but even that's sometimes a struggle, because damned if I can ever find a man who actually thinks independently, without being asked >>> told>>> YELLED AT to take out the garbage/help with the washing/etc. Hey I dont mind doing all the cooking, its my thang, but why am I the only person who thinks "oh hay its bin day better put the bin out" and "oh wow the rent is due" and "hm the toilet needs cleaning". Grrrr.

AND IM NOT A TIDY PERSON.

http://images.smarter.com/blogs/oscar%20the%20grouch.jpg

I don't really know the french guy at all because I don't spend so much time at home and anyway, he's moving out in a couple of weeks and until then, it is only the two of us in the apartment. I have been holed up here for the last couple days and realising that he never leaves the apartment at all, but just skypes people and watches horror movies in his room all day. Earlier he started singing hymns really loudly.

As it stands I'm really bad at telling people I live with to cop on, because I'm way too aggressive when I do it in the outside world and it would be ridiculous to do that with somebody you live with because of major awkwardness, I mean, diplomacy isn't really my strong point. I'm just quietly waiting for him to move out and hoping he doesn't rob anything really good between now and then. Also he is mental about cleaning and you can't leave anything in the kitchen/sitting room because it goes in a special pile to be taken into your room also he does everyone's dishes.

i hate untidiness but i'm shit at telling people to pull their weight. Usually it goes on until i utterly flip and it all ends in a huge emotional bloodbath.

ie that it's better to avoid things going wrong than it is to say sorry.

it is possible to both avoid things going wrong, and also say sorry when things do go wrong.

of course.

schlump i did not think you were serious about writing things in hair i just liked the idea for a few seconds

yeah, i just got kinda thrown when talk turned to writing in ketchup.

lol

one of my housemates has moved out and the other is on holiday and I am in a lovely quiet empty apartment.

I am unemployed and hence I am in a lovely quiet apartment.

happily my current housemates are the opposite of this

one of my housemates has moved out and the other is on holiday and I am in a lovely quiet empty apartment.

yeah, i had that. then mine came back and the contrast made it all the more unbearable.

happily my current housemates are the opposite of this

― margaret thatcher sex tape (Upt0eleven), Monday, 5 January 2009 14:21 (6 months ago) Permalink

Oh how times change. Fuck you and fuck your cornflakes and fuck your retarded email awaiting me in my inbox this morning.

but why would you do such a horrid thing to his cornflakes? so senseless!

[Removed Illegal Image]
(reconstruction of the crime)

It would actually appear that this housemate was (largely) justified in her accusations. I feel bad about sending her a pretty cold and cutting (and apparently very upsetting) reply. The other one though, can go royally screw herself.

ha see, this is why the first response should always be a polite "can you clarify what you're talking about here" msg that can either set up an "omg so sorry" or a full-on nuclear assault

Yeah, I should have read the email properly prior to exploding. To tell the truth it was actually the other's cheerleading "yeah Nick, you really are shit" that I reacted to. And the email chain continues....

No one should email a housemate about cornflakes. Ever.

Thanks for being such a sweetheart though, I've had a stellar day at work.

Should prob not have responded to ^^ with:

What do you know? Me too!
Pint?

why not, pints are awesome

They are. I do, however, think there's a fair chance that I've either made her cry or that she wants to kill me. Or both.

A pint looks unlikely at this stage.

i went to roskilde last weekend and when i left my clothes still wasn't dry so i left it in the corner of the kitchen i came back from my holiday and found this
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v356/kenjuggle3/IMG_9001.jpg

you can get back at them through their cornflakes. it's the roommate achilles heel.

ken's housemates otlol

I went off half-cocked at a friend over a misread email yesterday too N1ck so I can comiserate. Mine wasnt a roomate though, just my so called best friend who hasnt bothered to catch up with me in several months despite living 15 mins walk away and not working at the moment. oh well.

so the house im sharing, its just me and the owner (yeah bad idea i shoulda known better). and i always leave the bathroom door closed although he wants it open cos it lets light in on the stairs. trust me you dont want my morning post-first-coffee-and-cigarette poo emanating throughout the house. so as i was leaving to go away for the weekend i came back today to find the door off its fucking hinges and hes pissed cos i closed the door again. i need to move dont i?

lol i was telling a girl i work with abt what an arsehole i was when i lived in the situ described above. lol i did way worse stuff than i said i did.

xp
noooo, you need to let that stank emanate through the house.

actually yeah, he is a jerk. quite aggressive for a passive aggressive person

you could try leaving the door open

i symapthise with the dude though for slightly different reasons. if people close the bathroom door the cats can't get to their litterbox, with inevitable unpleasant results :(

(leave it closed after use i mean)

ok he did ask me a few times and out of absent-mindedness rather than any maliciousness i left it closed. BIG FUCKING DEAL but anyway. in future ill leave it open and let the stank run free.

you need to leave a stank big enough to wake him up

he punched some kid a few months ago (he said the kid ran into the garden and tried to hit him, i didnt see it myself). bad move, his dad (who lives on the other side of town) came around when we werent there one evening and smashed all the front windows in.

that seems less passive-aggressive and more, like, aggressive-aggressive behaviour

Being really messy or not paying bills on time is one thing but actual violence is kinda over the line.

Is there any sane way to handle the food taking thing? I find nobody buys several herbs, spices, soy sauce etc, but if I buy them they are used really quickly. Ideally I'd like if everyone bought their own shit cos then I could buy expensive stuff now and again without it getting used. Just hard to suggest this without causing hassle....

Keep all foodstuff in your room, then the level of shame associated with 'borrowing' them escalates, hopefully high enough to put all but the most intrepid housemate off.

Trouble is that it feels very sad to keep food hidden in ones room.

My fiance believes that leaving the door open allows the smell to dissipate more rapidly, whereas closing it to protect your house from the poo smell allows the odor to build up in the bathroom for the next unsuspecting user. I've gotta say though, taking the bathroom door off its hinges as a response to this is mental.

The sink is overflowing with dishes, none of which are mine. I wash my own dishes—quietly and without fanfare or guilt trips—over the heap of other people's dishes. But something really has to be done.

I'm just going to do all the dishes later today, but not leave notes or make a big deal out of it. I just want them cleaned. Is this passive aggressive or should I go about it another way? NB: one of my messy housemates is a rather emotionally fragile exchange student and I fear confronting her would cause her to spend hours crying into Skype in whatever guttural language it is they speak over there.

Ronan, can you ask if they'd take a turn buying the herbs, etc.? It's kind of annoying to do, but I find that it's a way to temporarily take care of the issue and I think it's at least not passive aggressive. My roommates and I eat each others' food somewhat indiscriminately and often we end up just saying "hey can you replace that thing I bought that you ate most of" or "can you take a turn getting the milk," which I think keeps the bills more or less fair.

Oh also about doing the dishes - yes doing all the dishes will work, insofar as that the sink will get clean, but it will not send a message that will prevent dish buildup in future. In fact, it may encourage it since they will appear to have been taken care of by magic. Honestly, I think when you have roommates who are terrible about dishes, you are pretty much screwed as far as getting them to be better, unless they're the kind of people who like schedules.

My fiance believes that leaving the door open allows the smell to dissipate more rapidly, whereas closing it to protect your house from the poo smell allows the odor to build up in the bathroom for the next unsuspecting user.

Your fiance is correct. Closing the bathroom door afterward is just mean.

unless you have a window or vent.

Bathroom fans anyone?

At work I usually just send a kindly all-staffer email telling my colleagues to "leave it a few minutes if I were you". Thanks to Twitter, I imagine a version of this approach could work in the home as well.

My uncle recently left a status on FB saying "I feel sorry for the next person to get on that elevator"

At work I usually just send a kindly all-staffer email telling my colleagues to "leave it a few minutes if I were you". Thanks to Twitter, I imagine a version of this approach could work in the home as well.

This made me smile. Genius!

We have no window, no fan, and a vent the opens up onto the same hallway as the door. You're either paying now or paying later; get it over with so we can all move on with our lives, thanks.

Are you joking about the work email? It's the internet, I can't tell.

A friend told me recently that lighting a match in the bathroom helps get rid of the smell v. quickly. Is this true? Haven't tried.

It's sort of true?

yeah it works

it doesn't destroy it but it's a BIG help.

re: herbs ronan- if everyone is using the same stuff, then everyone should be buying the stuff. if it's just you the whole time, then it's fair enough to get pissy over it i think.

matches work, or get a spray.

Tape one of those "poo at Paul's" air fresheners to the base of your spine.

Matches work. Household sprays - except for the lemon or lavender-oil ones from the health food store - are almost as bad as the waft itself.

Ronan, just tell them you don't mind sharing/pooling resources but it sucks to go to the cupboard and find a required ingredient missing. People in shared situations are always going to be in each others' perishables but good rule of thumb = if you didn't buy it, don't open it and don't finish it (unless permission is granted, but then you have to replace it).

Also don't buy a load of cornflour in an identical brand/packet as someone's cumin and stick it in their cupboard w/out telling them.

Yeah but a lot of the time people will use all but the very last bit of the ingredient so they don't have to replace it, or say they'll replace it eventually but just haven't gotten to the store yet, maybe in a week or two. Better to just tell them exactly what you want them to do and when...I tend to phrase it like I'm asking for a favor, but really I'm not and I think they know it.

with maria here, i don't think there's much need to dance around people that are using communal stuff unfairly.

Also don't buy a load of cornflour in an identical brand/packet as someone's cumin and stick it in their cupboard w/out telling them.

― ogmor, Tuesday, January 26, 2010 10:39 AM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I thought I was pretty heavily into cumin consumption, but if you're buying it in packages that could be mistaken for cornmeal, I think I will have to up my game.

I mean, I can only find cumin in a small jar, while cornflour usually comes in a box or a bag.

Poo smell: put the cleaner or bleach or whatever DIRECTLY IN THE TOILET. Forget about the glade or lysol, you'll just find that your passive-aggressive roomie has a "chemical sensitivity". If that is so, try baking soda. Better to accommodate them to make them look like a selfish ass then get into conflict with someone you're not best buddies with.

There is always the "perky" approach, like, "gee, let's go shopping together! Let's make meals together! We're a community."

xpost
I recommend south asian mini-supermarkets as yr coach in this noble endeavour, where yr mind will be expanded by bags of spice as big as your head. Tho if I recall they might not be abundant in yr area.

hahahaha I thought u s steel was still talking about poo smell with that second post at first

At my work there is this citrus spray everyone uses after pooing. All it does is sort of make my stomach turn when I smell citrus now. It's weird, I swear the spray bonds to poo molecules and carries them even further into the office.

Ronan, can you ask if they'd take a turn buying the herbs, etc.? It's kind of annoying to do, but I find that it's a way to temporarily take care of the issue and I think it's at least not passive aggressive. My roommates and I eat each others' food somewhat indiscriminately and often we end up just saying "hey can you replace that thing I bought that you ate most of" or "can you take a turn getting the milk," which I think keeps the bills more or less fair.

I would do this except I don't really want to share these things as I go to the supermarket on a daily basis and my flatmates don't really. I sort of feel they should buy their own herbs even if there is some already in the cupboard, I never use their stuff unless I'm in a real fix, if I am cooking something I buy anything I don't already own even if someone else has it at home.

I just sort of feel, due to them not buying this stuff that often, I don't have any faith in a communal system of us all sharing. But I also feel like explaining this would reveal that it's pissed me off for a few months, and then perhaps they say something I could do better and it becomes sort of this for that etc...

The problem I have is I think people using other people's foodstuffs is not like a "bad habit" or just the way someone lives or something, like other potential gripes you might have.

I guess the reason I don't say anything is I don't hang out with my flatmates and don't want some shared dialogue about how we live, I'd basically just like if I had my own shelf or something. I know that sounds dickish but I am v independent in my own home...I'd live with friends if I wanted the company.

I prob will mention this at some point, my feeling is I would just suggest nobody uses something they haven't bought, within reason. Like I say I'd like to buy, for example, cooking oil that's not just a cheap bottle of piss, but if I do it'll be "oh here's the communal cooking oil..." I really resent the automatic assumption that we are sharing food....as someone who plans my dinner every evening you always will have people who just cook random improv shit taking your stuff...

the other thing is, with herbs they come in pretty big bags, so a lot of the stuff is stuff I bought before they moved in. it still bothers me it's being used tho. same way as if I buy three bulbs of garlic and then everyone uses them, if I buy lots of something it's cos I don't want to have to buy it again...

I guess the reason I don't say anything is I don't hang out with my flatmates and don't want some shared dialogue about how we live, I'd basically just like if I had my own shelf or something. I know that sounds dickish but I am v independent in my own home...I'd live with friends if I wanted the company.

if this is really how you feel then just be honest, carve out your own shelf or cabinet, and promise not to use anyone else's stuff no matter how bad a fix you're in.

you're prob right...it's just saying it!

you could buy a dog and set it to guard your food

reckon one of my flatmates would cook and eat it smothered in soy sauce

eating your roommate's dog in his own soy sauce: C/D?

I am glad x100,000 that my roommate doesn't cook at all and never uses so much as my olive oil. I don't know how the girl lives on veggie burgers with no toppings, grilled chz sandwiches made with Velveeta, and Indian take-out, but I'm glad she does.

oof, I bet yr toilet isn't glad

It's never been a problem, actually. Maybe her stomach is magic.

Is this the same roommate who couldn't figure out how to plunge?

My first share-house was with a couple of guys from my dorm at Uni, and we were pretty good friends when we moved in together. After a year you couldn't get me out of there fast enough. If I was gone for a night, or a weekend, I got home and those two would be BFFs and just gang up on me like a couple of sharks on live bait. The 3 roomies dynamic worked that way with any of us...whoever was gone became the outsider, and you had to justify your existence once you walked back in the door, or wade through a day's worth of in jokes. It wasn't housework or dishes or money or anything...it just wore down the friendship to live with both of them.

I ended up answering an ad in the classifieds for my next sharehouse, shared a house with 4 total strangers and it worked out perfectly. We moved 3 times and stayed pretty much together for at least 3 years. Two of the guys moved away to work up north, and the other 2 girls and I roomed together for a couple of years after that.

And if you'd given it all to me on paper I would have said friends would have worked out the best. Go figure. I still haven't quite figured out why that was.

From experience, doing others' dishes doesn't help at all. I have just put them in a garbage bag next to the sink once or twice, because hey, if you go MORE THAN A WEEK without doing your dishes, you deserve to get your shit put in a bag next to the sink. You suck.

My last roommate Ray sucked SO FUCKING MUCH. He cut off my internet because he had some stupid Triple Play package that I never agreed to (which ended up being more because we didn't use the phone line, but he insisted it was cheaper), and I refused to pay for television since A) I don't own one and B) there is no communal one. So he cut off my internet.

Just thinking about it all makes me wish he would die so much.

haven't lived with anyone i wasn't in a relationship with or wasn't a brother of in......10 years? and thank god for that.

And if you'd given it all to me on paper I would have said friends would have worked out the best. Go figure. I still haven't quite figured out why that was.

Weird how that works out, isn't it? When I moved into my first apartment after the dorms in college, I moved in with two friends that I had become really close friends with during the first two years of school. I was friends with the two of them separately first, then the three of us began hanging out together and decided to get the place. All was going pretty well, but then the weird three person dynamic mentioned reared its ugly head. They started dating two girls who were already friends themselves, and that was me done. I was consistently the outsider in the apartment and spent many nights shut in my room because it was preferable to being ignored in my own apartment.

i have found no way to generalize about whether it's better to live with friends v. strangers, i've had very good and very bad experiences with both. the thing that matters most is just to live with people who bother to clean up after themselves, if that's in place everything's easy. the fifth wheel with couples situation would be hard though.

Both my housemates are terrific, and there's no 3-person animosity at all. We're friends, but we get that we need each other's space as well? I can imagine how if you're already friend when you move in together, there would be pressure to hang out when really you just want to chill in your room.

Generally I'd always prefer to live with strangers, because then you can pick them, and you have some kind of choice about how much you become "friends" as opposed to strangers who live together. I'm a super control freak though, so I'm pretty glad I don't have to live with anyone except my o/h.

That said, I lived with my fiance and an old friend for a couple of years and it was pretty cool.

It's none of your roommate's business whether they are having their period or not unless they volunteer that. Going through the trash to find napkins then implying they will stay out of your way at "that time of the month" is creepy.

Can't wait until I can move away from these people.

like what good can that do to tell someone that

There is something more than creepy and abusive about someone who complains out loud that the apartment stinks like tuna fish when I dispose of my trash in a timely and sanitary manner. Like I'm being blamed for being human.

I was kind of offended when this lady I was subletting from put my garbage can outside AND put a sign on it that said, "THIS STINKS." (I forget what stinky thing was in it.) Even more irritating bcz I was living in an apartment in her basement but she just came down to watch TV & relax all the time in my tiny living room (because that's where she liked doing it before I moved in?), and the garbage had apparently irritated her while she was hanging out in my living space while I was at work. This lady was my mom's best & oldest friend, so I never really felt like I could say anything to her (like, 'hey try not leaving a P-A note, I'm anosmic') without hearing back from my mom about it.

uh. holy shit. i would be v pissed about my landlord hanging out in my apt when i'm not there. sort of against alot of rules (here at least). i would have flipped my lid, mom bedammed!

Man I totes we've just walked around naked til she stopped

Ha actually Steve that is what I ended up doing, sort of! Just chilling in like pjs of short shorts & a halter top – too immodest for her to be around. The whole scene was crazy tho. Crazy and fucking boring. She drove me to church and everything. If you are a young person trying to move away from your family & see the world, I recommend not moving into the house of someone who is more conservative and rule-oriented than your own family, who is also essentially part of your family. I am sure that would be obvious to anyone else (but rent was only $200/month!).

got home from work today to find an empty 2 litre bottle of tea and an empty plastic container of ham/turkey placed on the table where I place my mail. apparently he was upset about me not throwing them out right away (fair point) but has lost the power of speech.

this would also be the same roommate who has had an unidentified dessert item taking up a quarter of the freezer for the last 1.5 years (and being that it's from a shop in NYC, where he hasn't been in 3 years, it's probably much older). and has three full gallon bags of trash covering the house because he's too lazy to take them to the dumpster down the street even though he's on leave from work at the moment.

you should put your bottle and container on top of his trash bags

i put them INSIDE the trash bags which I'm now walking to the dumpster cuz I'm tired of smelling em!

taking his trash bags to the dumpster - not that's what I call passive aggressive

sometimes as i clean things i am filled with a righteousness above and beyond words.

self-righteousness and passive aggression have played pivotal roles in most apartment toilet cleanings imo

sometimes i go for the more mellow "perhaps i don't have to be angry, i am cleaning because i want this clean..."

Housemates who are also younger siblings bringing groups of friends home at 5am to drink and listen to music: what's the best way to deal with this? Last night wasn't the first time it happened: it happened last week and someone spilled beer on my turntables which I keep tucked away in our living room - and when I went through the next day the empty can was still lying on its side by the turntables (ie even if it had been completely unnoticed when it happened, nobody had thought to clean up before they left). I've told said sibling I'm applying for a council house, and I've already begun my application, but it's probably going to be a while before I'm offered a place anywhere and I don't have the funds to go for a private let by myself. I can put up with food being eaten and dishes piling up, and I've even got used to the omnipresent stench of cigarettes and hash in our living room that I now just avoid, but him and his friends are ripping it right out of me. He obviously doesn't realise but when they're arriving without any drink or food but taking ours and graffitting our sofa, they're ripping it out of him too.

When we first started living together he was seventeen and I was twenty and I was willing to accept that he might have gone a bit wild without parental supervision and so on, but he's now nearly twenty himself and I can't make excuses that he's "a wee boy, really" any more.

Beat the shit out of him. That's the fraternal way.

with siblings it should be easier, you don't need to maintain the veneer of politesse that you do with people outside the family. go ham on him

move out and live with strangers. learn how to feign interest in conversation first though, and how to feign pleasure at others feigning interest in yours.

i live with 'the younger brother' and he's brilliant, if a little messy.

Beat the shit out of him is the right option.

i've got really neat in the last year or so and messiness infuriates me. especially when it becomes cyclical...like "you come home each day to a clean kitchen and leave a dirty one" style. it's extremely hard to bring this stuff up in a non passive aggressive way, not least cos in a flat of three people it's nigh on impossible to find a time everyone is in.

The thought of going to prison after battering him does have its appeals - "what's that you say? Lights out by 11pm?"

been waiting to use the bathroom for over half an hour now.

Are they having a long well deserved soak in the tub or just sat on the loo?

i really just want to have a shower and dont care. i fn hate these mfers.

slide a note under the door

GET PAPER PLATES _ FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS!!

Try knocking and say i'd like a shower.
Worth a try.

take a shit out of their bedroom!

that just sounds like they have a prized shit collection and who would want to fuck with that

knocked so many times. im not a total idiot. i turned off the light and waited for the door to open.

i then used the offenders expensive-looking shower gel. i smell like jasmine and lotus flower.

you won this round then!

try writing a note

were they fucking in the bathroom?

flatmate got up at 5am today, for no apparent reason, and made loads of noise.

Well, we are going to have to have "the talk". Third wheel has to go, he got up this morning expecting "Sunday breakfast." I have a sick mother to take care of, I can't afford pancakes and eggs and hash browns whenever roommate wants it.

Getting sick of his attitude, think he's crazy. The extra money isn't helping so we are throwing him out. We wanted someone to pay rent money, not live in a frigging commune.

who the fuck expects their housemates to make them any sort of breakfast let alone "sunday breakfast"?! o_0

Hahaha what

I don't think "I can't afford hash browns" is the right reason why you shouldn't be making breakfast for your roommate hahaha

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/09/ucla-freshman-sends-future-roommate-insane-dramatic-email.html

don't try it

ronan's july 19 2004 entry is hilarious

im p chill when everything goes my way and my nerves are not tested (lol)

that whole dorm-room shared with other people thing is my idea of hell.

ive been v lucky that my only ever roommate was my brother - which was bad enough. if youre not coupled up living alone is just the best

...even it means you have no dispoable income

I've just been liberated from a bad one, one where (rare thing) I'm sure it was them not me.

(I think I mentioned this fellow on the depression thread actually (iirc I had concerns about a self-imposed B12 deficiency). No need to go putting an extensive list of their offenses on here but I'll say one thing for closure: no, you cannot 'just use matchsticks' to make a 1:160 scale wooden truss bridge. Matchsticks are softwood, irregularly cut and take stain poorly and won't support the weight required. This is fact, and 1/8" stripwood exists for a good reason, and is bought by me for a good reason. In any case, why the fuck are you standing behind me, literally bending over me while I'm sat at a table over my 'work', and what business is it of yours what cardamons do for stress relief. Also your quorn breath washing over the table is knocking still-not-dry-glued truss sections out of true in a scale unforgiving to the milimetre. Good riddance.)