Did Rebecca Loos really masturbate a pig on live TV?

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Or is this a vicious rumour?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw her talking about it on the Farm programme. But missed the 'event'.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Did she talk dirty to the pig, anyway?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:19 (twenty-one years ago)

How far have we sunk, as a species, that loose women wanking pigs is now light-entertainment?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"Pork me, David."

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

pigs can't talk silly

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:26 (twenty-one years ago)

But can they talk smart?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Loose women have always wanked pigs for light entertainment. TV was just too paternalistic to broadcast it before.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

They always cut to the adverts when Vanessa Phelps did it...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Vanessa Felches.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Live on Channel 5.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought this thread was about Stan Collymore.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"from dogging to catting" oh how we laughed...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Note how all the front pages of the papers (that are covering this) are 'concentrating' on the morals/complaining phonecalls, when all they want to really say is "REBECCA LOOS MAST3RBATED A PIG ON TV ARRRGGHH!!!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Did she bring the pig to climax? How long did it take? I must know!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:57 (twenty-one years ago)

10 minutes, apparently

― stelfox, Thursday, 7 October 2004 08:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I presume the pig was nervous about having to perform for the camera.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Would have been quicker if she used her mouth.

I'm just saying.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Did Mark C watch this?

― I'm just asking, like... (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:04 (twenty-one years ago)

i like the way in the sun they have a guy saying "we don't want to see pigs doing that on TV"

it's not entirely clear that he is talking about the boar.

― stelfox, Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Please let someone have capped this so I can dub the video.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't pig orgasms last for half an hour or something? (I think I read this in Farmers Weekly once)

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:16 (twenty-one years ago)

like the way in the sun they have a guy saying "we don't want to see pigs doing that on TV"
it's not entirely clear that he is talking about the boar.
Hahahahahaha!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004462161,00.html

"grinning Loos pleasures pig"

― slb2, Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

The page didn't load! I don't know whether I feel sad or not!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:23 (twenty-one years ago)

It took her ten minutes to fill a flask with nearly three quarters of a pint.

THREE QUARTERS OF A PINT?! Jaysus the edge!

Are there any animals that spunk past the one-pint mark then? How much semen do you get out a horse.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"It took her ten minutes to fill a flask with nearly three quarters of a pint

Blimey!

(xpost)

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:26 (twenty-one years ago)

There is a picture of Rebecca Loos holding up a plastic bag full of pig semen. And lots of Outraged of Tunbridge Wells types going "it's digusting! It's bestiality!"

It had never occurred to me that it might be bestiality to be honest. I mean, isn't it the sort of thing real farmers do every day?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Cabbie Ian Millar, 32, of Salford, Gtr Manchester, said: “It was horrible. I could barely watch.”

Barely. But did anyway. And then....

Was C5 right to show it?
YES
CALL: 09063 612214 NO
CALL: 09063 612215

UK ONLY - CALLS COST 10p

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Its just occurred to me that this is exactly like an episode of Brass Eye.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:29 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe it's not semen but just milk and this is all some elaborate ruse?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not quite as disgusted by this as I'd hoped to be. It's nice when someone stumbles on their rightful role in life. Well done, Rebecca!

That page wouldn't shoot its load for me either, perhaps it is very popular.

― Leon the Pig Farmer (PJ Miller), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Cumming soon - Rebecca Lo0s and Abi Titmuss do An1mal Farm. On a P2P network near you.

The idea that this is a like a pron film with fake money shots is tickling me pink (DYS!)

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

According to DigitalSpy, tonight's episode apparently shows Debbie McGee cleaning a horse's foreskin.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I can see the ratings shooting up already. Is it on all day?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on - the Scum story says she was collecting pig jizz for inseminating cows - THAT'S DISGUSTING and probably pointless, as I'm sure someone can prove with science.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"Its just occurred to me that this is exactly like an episode of Brass Eye."

Yeah I think Chris Morris has given up how can he compete with actual pig wanking?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:35 (twenty-one years ago)

So it wasn't just for fun? What a swizz.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

According to DigitalSpy, tonight's episode apparently shows Debbie McGee cleaning a horse's foreskin.

Going home to Paul will be a bit of anticlimax then.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

(Links to the Sun often fail to load the first time, but if you try again straight after they usually work.)

― slb2, Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Doesn't a pig have a corkscrew-shaped penis?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

learn to read is says "sows"

― stelfox, Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Jizz swizz

This 'what really goes on on a farm' could be the death of the Common Agriculutral POlicy. People won't subsidise what they realise is just rampant preversion on the state.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

That was the centre of much frenzied debate at Glastonbury, CJ.

We concluded, yes, it does.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I am sure I have detailed the occupation of an acquaintance of mine who used to deal in, ahem, bull semen. He didn't actually do the "extraction" but he told me all about it. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. I think bulls go past the pint pot, as it were.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Is she getting paid for being on the show?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:43 (twenty-one years ago)

hey Pete Baran goes past the pint pot everday...

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

and then leaves his house for work

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I imagine it must be quite difficult to wank a corkscrew-shaped penis. It must put terrible strain on your wrist - I expect there'd be the risk of developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome if you had to do it a lot. Bit of a health hazard.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:46 (twenty-one years ago)

well, imagine tugging a curly fry (but not so it mushes up in your hand), i'm sure it's not that hard (ooh hose me down)

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Pig dicks surely aren't actually corkscrewed? I always assumed that was, ahem, bollocks. Or bullocks. Or testicles. Take your pig. I mean pick.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I watched this during lunch. I nearly choked on my chicken when she said "It's my special touch".

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

No, you'd almost certainly need a special twisty wrist action. Even more than normal, I mean. Ahem.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

but why wank a pig for cow babies? pls explain clever types.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

ARE PIG DICKS REALLY TWISTY? Any farmers on ILE? I refuse to believe the porcine penis is spiralled!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

SOW, not cow.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm sure you weren't the only person choking chicken Barima

(you people just keep setting them up mmkay?)

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.k12sciencestore.com/support/dissectionworks/pictures/pig/no_label/external_anatomy.gif

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.straightdope.com/art/1984/840224.gif

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

pigs have cogs in them??!

― Freelance Pigmilker (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:57 (twenty-one years ago)

How else would they work?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:58 (twenty-one years ago)

'An Elephant Jerks Off A Pig'.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 7 October 2004 09:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Look, pig's cocks are spiralled, alright? Even the Australian government says so!

http://www.dpi.qld.gov.au/pigs/4543.html

When the boar is mounted on the dummy grasp the spiral end of his penis with the hand

I really hope Aussie taxpayers' money is being spent on informing the country how to masturbate pigs.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't remember there being all this fuss when Tori Amos breastfed a pig, to no agricultural end at all.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:01 (twenty-one years ago)

BlimXor! It's like Tori\s a menk or something.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Stevem, that FOETAL PIG you've just posted obv cannot exhibit the huuuuuge bollocks/corkscrew boner of the mature male HAWG. Duh.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Also that's the umbilical cord.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Now Stevem, when a mommy pig and a daddy pig fall in love...

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i suppose the chief commissioner of porcine anatomical studies is a pal of yours? ;)

xpost

― Freelance Pigjerker (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

ILX has finally fallen into the Spiral Zone.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Spiral Cock Zone

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:10 (twenty-one years ago)

During a vegetarian phase I used to frogmarch my dad around the livestock barns when we went to the Minnesota State Fair before he was allowed to go and eat anything that might have once lived there. We walked in the pig barn and my sister uh noticed the back end of the first boar she saw: 'Fuck! Pig nuts!'

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"The vet decided that she was the most competent person to do it."

― 12345, Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

from what i've heard debbie mcgee might have been a good second choice

― s*elf*x, Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:48 (twenty-one years ago)

actually i think that name might need to be google-proofed

― stelfox, Thursday, 7 October 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Pigs CANNOT have spiral cogs, I mean cocks, that would be WRONG.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:00 (twenty-one years ago)

did you mean to type UNFAIR ?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:04 (twenty-one years ago)

i think you should take a photo of a pig's cock and post it on our Ixus FITE thread

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I shall do my best.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:EbYPb3nu4fAJ:www.ifyouseekay.com/pics/pig

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I quite fancy a bacon sarnie now.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

That's the most incredible thing I've ever seen on the internet.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&q=pig+penis

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Marioara blows through the intestines to check for ruptures.
ihttp://www.leafpile.com/TravelLog/Romania/Farming/Slaughter/Pig/Prepare%

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.leafpile.com/TravelLog/Romania/Farming/Slaughter/Pig/Prepare%20Pig/BlowingIntestines.jpg

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

worst elephant impression ever

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

What happened to the pig?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

apart from the time my drunken Grandad pulled out the inner linings of his trouser pockets one debauched Christmas

xpost

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't wait til Dan Perry sees this thread.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck Wanking a Pig.

Someone should ask Beckham what he thinks.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

The pig is back now. I hadn't considered Dan's reaction. He might die.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

We must hide this thread from him lest he keels over.

I say we create a distraction thread.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Did Toni Braxton really masturbate a pig on live TV?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

From Radio Times -

Tonight, C4, 10pm:

The Farm - Who will perform today's 'dirty task' and avoid cold showers all round?

The video plus code is 17804858.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

wow video plus people actually use that?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I do, yes, although not that particular number. I like short, pithy numbers with 6 in them.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

“It’s outrageous. These celebrities should be nowhere near these animals. We want the programme taken off the air before any animals are harmed.”

ha ha "no PLEASE you horrible human, you're HURTING me...with your...soft, soft hands...don't...ah...don't STOP..."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

That pig's getting more action than me, where's the outcry about my lack of handjobs eh?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Mayeb Victoria Beckham's available?

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Come on, the boy's got standards.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

and they are LOW

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

He fucks Mormons?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Mormons fuck pigs?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Posh wank.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

That was supposed to be after the Victoria Beckham bit up there, but I fucked it up obv.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck watching a Mormon fuck a pig.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I meant

Fuck watching a Mormon WANK a pig

Honest.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Now, watching a Mormon FUCK a pig, that's alright.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes yes yes.

http://nowscape.com/mormon/kolob1.gif

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what you get if you google "mormon pig".

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

KOLOB spells BOLOK backwards. coincidence?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

also that diagram looks exactly like a pig's genitals

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v69/nathanbarley/Chips.jpg

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I love the PETA guy's response:

“It’s outrageous. These celebrities should be nowhere near these animals. We want the programme taken off the air before any animals are harmed.”

Dear Peta,
Thanks for your concern, but we're fine. Really. Send more celebrities.
cheers,
The Pigs

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Do not feed the celebrities

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Do not masturbate teh pigs.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

feed the pigs with masturbating celebrities

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

SHE IS WANKING TEH PIG.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

IS THIS ON BITTORRENT??????

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Filesharing is killing pig wanking.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

..says Pete Waterman

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Why don't you people go to this guy first?

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_060.html

"The answer to your question, incredibly enough, is yes--pigs do have corkscrew-shaped penises."

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Thursday, 7 October 2004 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Infidel, CJ is the ILX expert on pig cocks.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 7 October 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

HYSTERICS

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

At last! There was anticipation, sir.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 October 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a feeling it was me who brought up the whole "pigs have corkscrew-shaped penises" thing at Glastonbury. I had no idea it was cause such a rumpus.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm only guessing, but I should think that a corkscrew-shaped penis would cause more than a rumpus. A rupture, maybe.

I wonder if they ever get stuck inside lady pigs? I sometimes can't get a corkscrew out of a wine bottle cork, especially those plasticky corks which are a bit slippery.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

CJ, darling, you can pamper them with pedicures and tart them up with lipstick, but they're never 'lady pigs'. They are sows. And one way or another, whether it's a wine bottle or a female pig, if your playing with your corkscrew, you'll end up sows'd. *Hides head in hands from the shame*

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

HAM SHANK

― zappi (joni), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm only guessing, but I should think that a corkscrew-shaped penis would cause more than a rumpus. A rupture, maybe.

according to my sources (Rebecca Loos, and some of the female pigs down ont farm) it's RAPTURE

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

but do we know for certain that lady pigs' bits aren't correspondingly shaped? After all a male kangaroo has a penis which splits into two at the tip precisely because the female kangaroo has two places for it to go in.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you guys read the article I linked? Lady pigs are corkscrew shaped, too. Their cervixes are.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you actually use a pig's penis to open a bottle of wine?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Would you?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I am now plagued by images of pigs spinning into sows like a bolt spinning into a nut.

(xpost URGH NO MERLOT FOR ME THANKS)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

And can sows use corkscrews as dildies?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

the correct pluralisation is dildi

― Freelance Pigfarmer (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know if I would. I'd like to think not, but you never know what might happen.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you actually use a pig's penis to open a bottle of wine?

I'm worried that the pint of pig semen which apparently accompanies a pig penis might not mix well with the wine. Except possibly Lambrusco, but I don't drink that.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

It took her ten minutes to get three quarters of a pint. I'm not sure if it all came out at once, but I'm pretty sure I could open the bottle a lot more quickly than that, and I wouldn't be trying to turn the pig on, unlike Loos.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I phrased that earlier post very badly indeed. It makes it sound like I don't drink Lambrusco but I do drink pig semen. Which I don't.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Did she wear gloves? Do boy pigs like girl humans?

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Penises like rubbing. Plain and simple.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

a boy pig could do a lot of damage to a girl human by the sounds of things.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, Mark. Girl humans aren't supposed to be having sex with boy pigs, no matter what you have heard.

Penises like rubbing. Plain and simple

There's more to it than that, esp. with pigs.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

well then how did she get it to ejaculate, being minus a corkscrew vagina and all?

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Was there any romantic lead-up to the wank? Did Rebecca buy the pig a couple of pints of lager and show him her tits first or anything?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

She sent it dirty txt messages, dur.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

She has corcksrew hands. (xpost and corkscrew tits)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, let's flip the script here - would any boy human here like to be brought to orgasm by a female pig?

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Pigs don't have mobile phones though, do they?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

their trotters are too big to press the buttons.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Lady pigs would be rubbish at masturbating a boy human. Trotters aren't exactly sensuous, are they?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Boys are not sensual, as a whole.

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

EW BRITISH GUYS HAVE PENIS BUTTONS????????

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Boys so are sensual.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

We call them "tuppeny ha'penny farthings", there are many popular childrens books about them.

xpost

Maybe Belle And Sebastain fans.

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Sebastain!!

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, let's flip the script here - would any boy human here like to be brought to orgasm by a female pig?

*Borishly* "Hey, sows it going, my little porcine beauty? Wanna screw?"

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I resent all this 'just poke a boy's button and you'll be fine' talk. I don't know why. On a thread about Rebecca Loos masturbating pigs, I ought to be able to find other things to get offended by.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Write to The Sun, N.!!

― My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

You just need to get porked.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Does a pig have a corkscrew-shaped penis? -- source of the pig-gear illustration above as well.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I've just read the Sun story. What's most disturbing is how without make up, Rebecca Loos looks like Julian Barnes.

Andrew Butler, of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, fumed: “This is just pure titillation and I’m sure Rebecca Loos was chosen for that reason.

Titilation? I think Andrew Butler is revealing too much about himself there.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, keep up.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

From Ned's link:

Cecil is aware that in humans the penis does not penetrate the cervix, but as should be obvious by now, there are many differences between human and porcine sexual practices, the principal exception being a girl I met in St. Louis in 1974. But I digress.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I resent all this 'just poke a boy's button and you'll be fine' talk. I don't know why.

I resent it too, I think it makes me complacent.

― Cathy (Cathy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Cecil's quite funny, actually.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 7 October 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, keep up.

You were avoiding the matter in hand.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 October 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

in Rebecca's hand

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 October 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

A pig in the hand is worth two in the ...?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 7 October 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

a pig's cock in the hand is worth two in the bush

xpost

― Freelance Pigbotherer (blueski), Thursday, 7 October 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to prefer thinking of that partisanly as 'in the Bush'.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 7 October 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

My point was that some had already linked to that straightdope page.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

This should clear things up.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

And if not that, then this.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, thanks, guys! I think that video you were asking about is 'Star Guitar' by the Chemical Brothers.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I love how teh Sun shows topless women but refuses to print the work wank, reducing it to w***.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"work wank"!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Britney decides to get in on the action, but in her confusion uses a cup on a photographer rather than a gloved hand on a pig:

http://www.stereogum.com/img/britneysubway1.jpg

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Would there be less interest if she'd jerked off Collymore? I thought of him when I first heard she'd be giving a boar a handjob live on telly.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 7 October 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Britney jerked off Collymore?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 October 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

She's already married to a hairy pig, two would be greedy.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 7 October 2004 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread should have been started by Kool Keith.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 7 October 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

So, who won this in the end?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

The pig.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

(i expected that answer..)

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't want to let you down.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I thank you.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Apparently a young lad by the name of Jeff won it.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

on the other hand, rebecca really let the pig down

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

.. gently. Arranged a reunion, never went.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

And to this day, the pig still can't jerk itself off without outside assistance.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, he wouldn't have asked her in the first place if he could have.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, he wouldn't have asked her in the first place if he could have.

beckham did

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Unless he needed both his trotters free to read a book.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Beckham "hey, scuse me, this pig I know, he really fancies you"

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"OOOOIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

pierre van hooinkdonk?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"A woman like that could really put steam in a pig's stride."

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

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