what was the last "omg wtf" reaction you had to your body?

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(i predict this thread will not be not lunch safe)

a couple days ago i was in the shower and i found a hair on my ear. not in my ear, or around my ear, but ON my earlobe. just one hair, it was over an inch long too! gross.

― m. (mitchlnw), Friday, 8 October 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That's not that gross, dude. That's just testosterone. Wait 'till you're old.

I thought this thread would lean more toward anal leakage.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

when i took off my underwear and looked at my ginormous penis.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

As opposed to someone else's, which would have been disquieting.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Especially if it was not attached to the original owner.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, the same ear hair thing happened to me last weekend except in my ear. my wife had a heart attack. plus they were gray! im pushing 30 not 75. WTF

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

as I said on some other thread, a few months ago I bent down to tie my lace and a fair amount of slightly green tinged translucent liquid snot poured out of my nose.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

When I was peeing blood

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a bad cough a while ago. I was coughing so hard to clear the phlegm in my throat that a small amount of vomit came flying out.

― Joe Kay (feethurt), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I've had a freak hair on an earlobe like that for a long while, but only recently has the actual ear hair started to make an appearance. Odd stuff.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Not to ruin the party, but - a lump in my breast.

― aimurchie, Friday, 8 October 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

wonderful have you had it checked?

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

The bottom-of-the-chip-pan-oil GOO that came out of the IT'S NOT A TUMOUR!!! lump on my wrist.

― Danger Whore (kate), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I found a little lump, like a pimple but not, on my hip overnight and when I prodded it yellow gunk came out.
Kate was it a ganglian cyst on your wrist?

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

A long hair growing out the back of my neck. Very long. It must have been growing for quite some time without my knowledge. I wrapped it round my finger a few times and tugged it out. It stung.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

When I took a look at the abscessed cyst on my back. I pulled my shoulder 'round to take a look at it and it exploded all over the bathroom mirror.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

ewwww!

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"wonderful have you had it checked?"

Yes it seems benign. Thanks for asking.

― aimurchie, Friday, 8 October 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Ew jaysus.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, Jocelyn, it was a ganglion bursa - still is, coz the damned fuX0r is GROWING BACK...

In fact, that is the most recent "OMG, WTF?" reaction I've had, was looking at it the other day in weird light, and not only was it all swollen up again, but you could see my heartbeat throbbing through the lump. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

― Danger Whore (kate), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I have currently have a 2-inch wound in the middle of my back with 6 stitches. Frankenstein stylin'. I have photographic evidence, but lucky for you my computer is all packed away and out of use at the moment! Maybe one day I will gross out children by pretending somebody stabbed me in the back.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

So you're saying the hobo knifed you.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

the round patch of hair growing at my back/neck junction, at the top of the spine. that's where I feel tension when I'm nervous. i'm absolutely convinced it's either something horrible lurking there or it's going to develop teeth.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Does it pulse with an uncanny life of it's own?

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Begs2Differ in The Grudge 2: Basket Case (music by Coil and Los Amigos Invisibles)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

My body has always been such a source of disappointment mixed with revulsion that most things now just make go, 'meh'.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

When I blacked out this morning in the shower for no discernable reason whatsoever and woke up on the bathtub floor with cold water pouring down on me.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Mike, OTM. My reaction toward my body is always one of vague and casual disappointment. But I wear high collars most of the time because I'm convinced I've got a hairy neck.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, all that matted hair put me off my food last night (I KID).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

When I tweezed what I thought was a slightly ingrowing hair on my neck the other day and it turned out to be about an inch long.

― beanz (beanz), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, God.

*Runs to bathroom*

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

When Bodies Attack

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

When Good Bodies Turn Bad

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

My body is like a Play-Doh Factory from hell. I don't want to talk about it.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Dammit Remy, TAKE A JOKE!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a sty recently. usually in the past they'd just go away. this one didn't. It got bigger. and infected. and blocked. and filled with pus. then it healed over. leaving a giant nasty pimple on my eyelid. so 2 weeks ago Dr. Poke yr Eye "lanced" it with a bunch of sharp metal objects. That felt weird.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicka: two Halloweens ago I passed out while urinating! I had just eaten 17 mini-Snickers and then sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom, but still. Luckily I had already (mostly) finished!

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

This morning, after a fairly sleepless night, I swear to god the bags under my eyes are made by Louis Vuitton.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

(phew. Nicka: two Halloweens ago I passed out while urinating! I had just eaten 17 mini-Snickers and then sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom, but still. Luckily I had already (mostly) finished!

I DID THIS IN COLLEGE! It wasn't anything to do with alcohol, I just flopped over while peeing. I got carted (against my will) to the ER, and the doctors thought I was messed up on drugs. Did a whole bunch of tox. screenings, made me stay for observation overnight. Eventually they told me they'd only ever seen this happen to very, very old patients.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man my ears/nose/eyebrows/toes are OVERRUN with extraneous hair, it's like i'm some sort of old giffer or summat...

but yes, most OMG WTF moments involve the morning after 6 pints of guinness the night before...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Eddie murphy: when I piss a burst of flame shoot out my dick
mugger came up to me in an ally, I turned around, burned him up in the street.
Doctor: Your having a burning sensation when you urinate?
eddie murphy: no a burst of flame shoot out my dick

― lukey (Lukey G), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

My goddamned eye

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Last week I found a spot on my scrotum. Just an ordinary spot, not a big deal, but there?? Dude. It was a first. And hopefully a last. It's gone now.

― JimD (JimD), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Luckily I had already (mostly) finished!

The peeing or the mini-Snickers?

― beanz (beanz), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

When I weighed myself on Wednesday and I was still 12 and a half stone! Whoot!

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

A couple of years ago I had a sty in my eye that never really went away. It stopped being sensitive to the touch, but there's still a visible bump in the corner of my eye.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

The very long *silver* hair in the middle of my head. It's like chrome. I hope all my hair is like that one day.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I love my gray hairs.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Felt a sloshing in the sinuses while out bike-riding the other day, then tipped my head forward and clear, thin fluid ran out in sizable drips. Felt like about half a cup!

― briania (briania), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I've got one grey hair which weirds me out. I dye my hair, but this one seems to always escape any attempt to make it not grey.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh god, I don't even know where to begin.

Having Crohn's Disease makes you think of your stomach as this malevolent alien lifeform that you are duty bound to carry around on your front for the rest of your days.

― Howard Wine (nordicskilla), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Re: the passing out thing

I have been told by a doctor friend that I most likely have a vasal valve glitch. Several times, once at dinner, once (ironically) at a doctor's office, and once in the bathroom of a bar in Santa Cruz, I just passed out cold. I now kinda recognize the warning signs and know to get my head down below my heart or sit or lie down.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, I am literally convinced that I am ROTTING from the inside.

― Howard Wine (nordicskilla), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Having Crohn's Disease makes you think of your stomach as this malevolent alien lifeform that you are duty bound to carry around on your front for the rest of your days. <-- freaky! another way you're my doppleganger!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha!

― Howard Wine (nordicskilla), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is oddly reassuring.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

wow you two are CROHN CLONES

just a joke hoping to make a scary thing lighter, hope it doesn't seem assholish

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

While most of my hair is wavy and auburn-brown, the hair at the nape of my neck is completely frizzy and darker. But then the other day I found a hair there that looked exactly like a pube. I am hoping it was a one time thing.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I have this weird bump below my chin that I thought was a pimple, but it's been there for two weeks now. It used to hurt, but it doesn't anymore. I can't tell if it's getting smaller, though.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

jaymc

The flesh is weak...

xpost

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah. I just always feel like I must be the only person who feels like my body betrays me at every step.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

my body turns me off in many other ways that are too routine to suprise me.

― m. (mitchlnw), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

i have a small lump behind my right earlobe. i figured it was a zit but it's not. no idea what the story is with that. i sometimes get similar hard lumps IN my left earlobe that go away after a week or so, but that ear still has the remnants of a hole in it and i figured it's some slow-burn rejection process at work. but this new one is like i have a BB under my skin, very disquieting

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

jaymc,

Ingrown hair?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I had an eyelid cyst that had to be removed with all sorts of awful sharp poking devices as well. Not before I had to put up it oozing puss and growing in size for a month and a half all the while my doctor assuring me that it would go away on it's own. It was le suck.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

At the risk of sounding irresistably charming, my right ear produces about 1000 times more wax than my left ear.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

ARGH THERE'S GOT TO BE A RECORD PRODUCER JOKE IN THERE SOMEWHERE!

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

omg, I had to have my ear canal irrigated. My doctor put this huge bicycle pump filled with water in my ear in order to remove wax that was causing hearing loss. I swear to god I thought the pressure from the water was going to burst into my brain and cause flooding.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I recently had this enormous lump of crusty dead skin on my right ankle. I cut it off with some scissors in the end.

― Wooden (Wooden), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Right heel, sorry.

― Wooden (Wooden), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooooh... I wanna have my ears irrigated. I keep seeing all these ads on the telly for all kinds of crazy crap to put in your ears to combat earwax, and remembering that my doctor would not let me use them any more.

― Danger Whore (kate), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

dave225

Not quite iresistable, but close. Does your head tend to list to one side?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I used that crazy crap in order to loosen the wax, then whammo the doc sends a jet stream into my brain. I could hear again.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm a Q-tip fanatic. I hate that feeling of gunk or water in my ears. Of course, it's probably just my body trying to protect me from all this loud music. ha ha

I was shocked last night because I was trying to take a pic of myself to put on the what do you look like page and every single one was horrible. I just looked, I don't know, older than I thought I did. I have these bags under my eyes and kind of a fierce jaw line.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh, plus, that just reminded me. I am going to the hospital next week to get the weird lumps on my ankle ultrasounded to see if they are ganglion bursas or big fleshlumps or inflamed tendons or CREEPY LITTLE SPACE ALIENS NESTING UNDER MY SKIN or what. I'm quite excited. I like ultrasound. It feels nice.

― Danger Whore (kate), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I apparently have one single hair that grows ON MY FOREHEAD. It's very fine and light-colored, and I'll maybe notice the freakish thing once per year and yank it the hell out.

Oh, and my girlfriend may have cancer again.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Between that news and Aimurchie's and Kate's, things are not as well as they should be for the good people here. :-(

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

The massive bruise I got on my leg a few months ago! I have got to be more careful about walking into stuff and throwing myself about.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a wart on my finger that went septic, which was charming for all concerned (BUT it was a blessing as the infection obviously killed off the wart too and it disappeared! Woo!)

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I get the same random hair thing only it's about 1/2" under my left eye.

No cancer to report thankfully.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

If I were to go into all the fucked up hairs on my head and body I'd be here all night.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I have one of these:

http://www.repubblica.it/2003/l/sezioni/spettacoli_e_cultura/dvdnatale/dvdnatale/este_08161335_15000.jpg

Seriously, sorry to hear about your gf, Jordan

― beanz (beanz), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I've got one double-length eyelash that turns off in a funny direction halfway along.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

The hell is that, beanz?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a facehugger.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

If I were to go into all the fucked up hairs on my head and body I'd be here all night.

No you wouldn't ha ha. ;)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Sarah, it's an Alien impregnating John Hurt in the eponymous fillum

― beanz (beanz), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

jordan much love and support to you and your gf

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

thx guys, it'll be okay, i'm confident

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmph. I meant on the thing above my shoulders, but yes, you're right, mainly my ears and nose and neck and forehead.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 8 October 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/theater/2175/PO6/vinthing.gif

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I've seen that movie, but what is it? The Thing?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

yep. John Carpenter version.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

prolly the last omg wtf moment was when i got cancer for the second time, but its all gone now... so i dont worry

― todd swiss (eliti), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm glad it's cleared up, todd!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, that's more than just "wtf". Glad to hear that's gone. Now just be careful crossing he street, and you're in the clear.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought that was another photoshopped version of my face for a moment :(

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

no, markelby, but thanks for the inspiration!

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I found ~~what turned out to be~~ a lymph node in an unnerving place.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

You've recovered, Todd? Wonderful to hear! :-) You must go forth and rock now.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

(I am thinking good thoughts for Todd, Madolyn, Aimurchie and Kate.)

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 8 October 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

After eating a lot of asparagus for dinner last night, my urine smelled really weird. This happens every time I eat asparagus.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

This happens every time everyone eats asparagus, doesn't it?

I wouldn't know, I don't eat asparagus.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Why does asparagus make your pee smell funny?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, thanks Ned. I had no idea this phenomenon had been the subject of scientific study.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

It's just one of those things.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

"few stems of asparagus eaten shall give our urine a disagreeable odor; and a pill of turpentine no bigger than a pea shall bestow upon it the pleasing smell of violets."

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Man do I love asparagus.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Asparagus drizzled with turpentine and roasted in the oven is a urine smellers delight.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Re: passing out: A friend of mine was camping, drank about 38 beers apparently, got up in the middle of the night to go, passed out, and broke his neck when he fell onto a rock. He was told that men have a vein that runs adjacent to the bladder and that if your bladder is very full and you empty it quickly, the change in pressure on the vein can cause you to pass out.

Ear irrigation is wonderful.

― Jeff Wright (JeffW1858), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

You know what else can make you pass out? DRINKING 38 BEERS!

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a friend that had that happen. He hadn't been drinking or anything. What his doctor told him was that sometimes people will hold their breath while making wee without realizing it. A long pee can equal not enough oxygen = blackout time.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

... if your bladder is very full and you empty it quickly, the change in pressure on the vein can cause you to pass out.

Ear irrigation is wonderful.

I hope these two subjects are unrelated.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 8 October 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

does anyone else get these weird-looking chunks of food stuck in their tonsils? they always come out looking smooth and polished and beige in color. really nasty.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 8 October 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, I think that means the earwhig's eggs are coming to maturity!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 8 October 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it wrong to say I sorta enjoy the smell of the asparagus pee? I'm always like, "yep, there's the asparagus!"

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

those nasty tonsil things are discussed in another thread. theyre rotten food. never had em, but had somethin similar when i got my wisdoms out. the gum was swollen for a few days and food would get caught in it and when i'd take it out it would smell literally like shit.

― AaronK (AaronK), Friday, 8 October 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

every once in a while, i'll find a hair on my face in the normal beard part of it that's like two hairs in one. I have thick hair to begin with, so this thing feels like a split of wood growing. it's probably 3 times as thick as normal peoople's hair and always pulls out easy. its not exactly gross as it doesnt involve fluids, but WTF?

― AaronK (AaronK), Friday, 8 October 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I get those sometimes, latebloomer, they are gross.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 8 October 2004 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

The colour of the water in the toilet when you forgot you had beetroot for dinner the evening before.

― holojames (holojames), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Any other dudes ever find a translucent gelatin-like substance in their semen?
WTF is that about?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps you should stop fucking Jell-O packets.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you talking just clotted semen, or some other substance entirely?

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"clotted"

shudder.

― Smokin' funk by the boxes (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know how else to describe it. It's like what happens when you have a wank in the shower and then dry off and it's what you find in your pubes.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah but right after you come?

― Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

It's happened to me a couple of times.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I still don't know if we're talking about the same thing, though.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

It's totally clear, right? It's like a dick booger or something.
Maybe that stuff just get clogged up in there until you come hard enough or sumthin.

― Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck it, my new name is Dick Booger.

― Dick Booger (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

(FTR, it's probably a good idea to wash the pubes AFTER you wank. Know what I'm sayin?)

― Dick Booger (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

The Thread that Cum Killed

― Smokin' funk by the boxes (kenan), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe that stuff just get clogged up in there until you come hard enough or sumthin.

I'm sorry. Come again?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahaha, works every time

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude that's totally fucking normal, some of you dudes need to stop pretending you don't occasionally examine your ejaculate and notice that sometimes it's, errr, chunky is the wrong word but not exactly fine and other times its liquidy. For fuck's sake I'm a girl and I know this.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Well I never actually noticed a "dick booger" before the other night. You're right though, the stuff does vary wildly in consistency.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry Ally. It's kind of hard to examine in the shower though and I don't feel particularly scientific after a wank.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

You might as well if you already have the magnifying glass out, you know?

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

ZING!!!

Give him a hand folks!

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Please do. *wink*

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like Dan Perry.

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I think my last one was when I had a really bad cold and blew my nose really hard and some fucking weird-looking grey stuff shifted from my sinuses that I was convinced for some moments was brain matter.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe it was.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, don't say that. It made me breathe so much better.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I have had several hellish bouts with sinusitis and I know of what you speak.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you now technically brain dead?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I pretty sure that predates the sinusitis.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I swallowed a pen cap in Dec. 1999, I was chewing it and had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting a kid who stepped into the street. I felt it catch in my throat, but couldn't make it come up gagging myself, so I assumed it passed and digested it even though I started having sinus problems and trouble breathing off and on for months.

Then, last summer, I was hanging some insulation and got to coughing from the stuff in the air, went outside and COUGHED UP THE PEN CAP, which was still black but kind of filled with stuff. It had been lodged in my throat or somewhere for almost four years.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow. I don't know whether that makes you a hero or an idiot.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

That's awesome

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

http://ilx.p3r.net/thread.php?msgid=151968

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Message not found, you cunt.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

An idiot. The original incident cured me of chewing on pens, though.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

What is the most unacceptible thing to come out of your body?

- sorry.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

That's vile but heroic.n I'm glad, milo, that your came up with the same morale as I did. You must have freaked when you coughed out the pen cap though.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

did you frame it for posterity?

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Friday, 8 October 2004 21:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose I should clarify - the 'stuff' wasn't like a culture growing on the cap but just phlegmy stuff like I was coughing up from the insulation. It wasn't quite as gross as it could have been.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 8 October 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"You're right though, the stuff does vary wildly in consistency. "

i've noticed this as well. i suppose cum is somewhat like the t-1000 from terminator 2.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 8 October 2004 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Just don't let it escape under your bedroom door or else you're EFFED.

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Friday, 8 October 2004 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i got pine sol IN MY EYE.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 9 October 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

please be thankful if you've never had to frantically read a warning label to see what the fuck is going to happen to the rest of your night.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 9 October 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw this in my bathroom mirror this afternoon.

http://www.citypages.com/imagebank/articles/23_1151/23_1151a10973.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 02:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex has a giant yellow abdominal clitoris?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 02:48 (twenty-one years ago)

i do. all alexes do.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 02:52 (twenty-one years ago)

You guys must be fun at parties.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 03:10 (twenty-one years ago)

totally, man.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 03:18 (twenty-one years ago)

That pen cap story is great.
My latest omgwtf body moment: ovary pain. And the roughly thousand possible causes for it, most of which are benign, some of which are teh Frightening. It seems that after you turn 28, these omgwtf body moments happen a lot, no matter how well you take care of yourself. And the doctors always seem blase about it b/c you're "young". ner.

More grossness please.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Saturday, 9 October 2004 03:56 (twenty-one years ago)

what about semen coming out when you're taking a dump? is that normal?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:02 (twenty-one years ago)

that happens when the bowel movement puts significant pressure on the prostate. yes, it's normal.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:04 (twenty-one years ago)

good lord.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you guys for real? I thought the whole male urinary/reproductive system (including the prostate) and the digestive system were totally distinct.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:07 (twenty-one years ago)

No, you've got to be kidding, right? Man, either that or I've fundamentally misunderstood some stuff about the human body for a long time.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:08 (twenty-one years ago)

It's never actually happened to me that I noticed, but yeah, I hear that's fairly common.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha, the first google result for semen in bowel movement is from the greenspun servers. Go figure.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, wait a minute, you mean the semen comes out the penis right? ROTFL. okay, that doesn't sound as far-fetched as what I had in mind.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:11 (twenty-one years ago)

It makes perfect sense if you think about it. You can massage the prostate from the anal cavity. Prostate stimulation can cause semen secretion. Simple.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah. I don't know why I was imagining a self-contained anal creampie or something.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:12 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHAHAHAAH HOLY SHIT.
yeah if the semen comes out your asshole that's something TOTALLY different

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to go look at boobs now.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:13 (twenty-one years ago)

that happens when the bowel movement puts significant pressure on the prostate. yes, it's normal.
-- AaronHz (aaronh...), October 9th, 2004.

that's what i figured, just wasn't sure.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:15 (twenty-one years ago)

when i was little i used to put small pieces of paper or kleenex (and sometimes when deperate, litle balled-up boogers) in my ears and try to pick them out. it was sort of a "challenge". i had to have a doctor get a ball of paper out one time.

i was a stupid kid.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't feel bad man, I knew a kid in kindergarten who stuck his finger in the blender to see what would happen.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:31 (twenty-one years ago)

well, i did staple my thumb once in 4th grade. to see what would happen.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)

A stapler is not a blender. I'm sure you weren't mutilated very seriously.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 9 October 2004 04:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I am so happy for Todd and wishing the best for aimchurie (sp?), Jordan's gf, and Kate. And wondering about certain "how intelligent are some humans anyway?" type things at the moment.

I guess my last "omg wtf" reaction I had to my body was when I went through, um, my last cycle. You know, "cycle". Um, some freaky stuff, as I'm sure poor Andrew can attest to. (You know, with a reference to some VERY TMI stuff on a post followed by a protestation by an inadvertently "caught unawares" Andrew.)

This thread, BTW, IS a nice little reassurance to me. All our bodies are freaky!!

― Ever-Ready Daisy Chain (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 9 October 2004 05:17 (twenty-one years ago)

man, if i was to be judged solely by what i've posted to this thread...you'd prolly have a pretty good picture of me.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 9 October 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you so much, everyone. it is, at this point, benign, so I don't want to join the ranks of Real sufferers. I had a scare. I'm feeling myself up a lot - and reccommend everyone else do so. I'm pretty saavy about breast health - i found the lump - but know many women are not. And men seem to be particularly unenlightened about the "monthly checks". Grasp those testicles and feel for something different! Masssage those boobs and look for changes! Do it to each other, or by yourself! Early diagnosis is a cure!

― aimurchie, Saturday, 9 October 2004 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)

** I thought the whole male urinary/reproductive system (including the prostate) and the digestive system were totally distinct.**

They're literally and figuratively entwined as it were.

I was diagnosed w/ a chronic (not life threatening) prostate disease and other urological problems in 2002. Subsequently developed hemmorhoids just to make things really interesting.

The last two years have been one long "omg wtf" reaction but I've learned to live with it (this week anyway).

Thankfully I have no idea what the abovementioned 'dick boogers' might be. But guys if you see some dark clumps -- like blood clots -- in your semen or urine GO TO THE DOCTOR. Also any visible presence of blood in the urine (turning it a dark brown/rust color) is the male equivalent of a lump in your breast, a warning sign that shouldn't be ignored.

Aimurchie is OTM. Having a scare myself has made me hyper-vigilant. Early diagnosis is a cure!

― viagra cowboy (lovebug starski), Saturday, 9 October 2004 10:43 (twenty-one years ago)

kerblimey, i've had a ton of these lately:

last night I took the most profoundly painful poop (picked a peck of pickled peppers) EVER. it felt like i was shitting out jagged shards of limestone. when i got up and surveyed the damage, i found that the pooplets were fairly small but looked denser than uranium turds. i had to chomp down on a hairbrush as if i were being lashed with the cat-o'-nine-tails. i've had a huge penis inside my rectum before, and it was not as bad as this.

speaking of which, my penis has been growing increasingly uh insensitive. i was able to coax a single orgasm out of myself two days ago, after about four hours straight of mauling my penis like an angry, hilarious badger. it's not that i couldn't keep it up, i just COULDN'T CLOSE THE DEAL. also yesterday & today the knucks on my right hand were all red and swollen, i presume from the death-grip they were frozen in for so many hours.

oh, and uh i have a canker sore that won't go away. i couldn't do makeoutz last night bcz of the painnnnnn :'(. i think it's infected. i hope my lips don't fall off. but if they do, i'm going to replace them with iPods.

― \(^o^)/ (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 9 October 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

BTDUBS, my semen is also of the chunky variety. i think it's cool, it looks like i'm shooting out lumpen cartilage!!! bazamm

― \(^o^)/ (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 9 October 2004 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I had an extralong hair, growing out of near my shin, once.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 9 October 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I used to get ear infections a LOT, like every 6 months, as a kid. The worst was when the eardrum would break from the pressure of the infected goop because:

a) the pain leading up to the breakage was unbearable for a little kid
and
b) the discharge was this absolutely EVIL mixture of blood, pus, mucous, and impacted ear wax. It smelled like hell and would last for up to a week.

This happened every year up to my late teens. Then I stopped drinking milk and cut way back on my dairy consumption, at which point the frequency of the infections dropped to once every few years.

The funny thing is that my ear drum (it was always might right ear) now has a permanent perforation in it, we're talking pinprick size. My body just said "fuck it, it'll break again anyway." The good news is that it only has the tiniest effect on my hearing (a negligible upper freqeuency loss), and when I do get an infection these days the goop leaves my body much more quickly, and far less painfully.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 9 October 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

a story - about 3 years ago, i was on a solo interstate road trip when i suddenly had to really void my bowels, so i was forced to stop at one of those vaguely threatening truck-stops. i went into the station and the bathrooms were shut down for some reason, so i had to use the smaller bathroom connected to the shower room for the truck drivers. so i'm sitting in the single stall, in this literal "shithole" trying to enjoy the moment despite the ambience when some scary shit-kicker black boot appears under the door! it just sits there for about 30 seconds and i'm completely riveted, holding my breath wondering excactly what fresh hell i had stumbled into now. then the boot starts tapping! the guy is actually giving me the not-so-subtle impatience routine! well, obviously i decided it was time to finish up and proceeded to wipe my ass when what should appear but BLOOD! on the toliet paper! i literally yelled out: what the fuck! i mean, by the time of this writing, i am completely used to the ocassionally bloody discharge from my body as i dangle precipitously over the edge of 30, but this was the first time ever and i was seriously freaked out by my body on top of my growing terror of facing leatherface once i slipped that stall door lock to the left. what happened next? buy the book.

― j.m. lockery (j.m. lockery), Saturday, 9 October 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

thombosed hemmorhoid. nuff said.

― 57 7th (calstars), Saturday, 9 October 2004 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

geez, thanx for the diagnosis Ben Grimm.

― j.m. lockery (j.m. lockery), Sunday, 10 October 2004 00:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Haemorroids are interesting. I find that when one has them, one cannot stop talking about them. Ass grapes dominate one's consciousness to the disgust of everyone. Little beans of pain that command your awareness and thinking like a needy child.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Sunday, 10 October 2004 00:42 (twenty-one years ago)

that is a wonderful poem!

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 10 October 2004 00:43 (twenty-one years ago)

i saw some photographs of myself from a karaoke event and i was like, "OMG WTF, why didnt anyone ever tell me my ass was so huge?!"

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Sunday, 10 October 2004 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

after hearing that blender story my body did a VERY omg wtf recoil thing

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 10 October 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

ugh lets not talk about roids.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Monday, 11 October 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

http://english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/360/16654_mutation.html

wins the omg wtf

IN SOVIET RUSSIA PLANTS GROW YOU!!!

― GET EQUIPPED WITH PRAVDA BETTER UNDER STALIN? (ex machina), Thursday, 29 December 2005 10:19 (twenty years ago)

People turning into plants?! My logical faculties have been destroyed by this - that's absolutly insane.

― Johnny B Was Quizzical (Johnney B), Thursday, 29 December 2005 11:57 (twenty years ago)

trimming her bush

― Johnny B Was Quizzical (Johnney B), Thursday, 29 December 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

two nights ago, when i awoke in bed i was lying on my back and i noticed huge red blotches on my chest. I *think* they may have just been pressure points where maybe my hands had been resting, or just some sort of heat thing. but anyway i went "omg wtf" when I saw it.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 29 December 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

Irregularly, for the past month: sharp, shooting pains to my ovaries.

Last night, in the mirror after an evening spent dressing up: OMG, WTF - you're superhott! ;)

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Thursday, 29 December 2005 14:42 (twenty years ago)

holy shit guys you should have seen the size of the placenta that came out of me, it was like turkey-platter sized. I came out of the hospital 20 pounds lighter and only 9 of that was baby.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 December 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

whoa.

btw CONGRATULATIONS hope you're all doing fine. now I forget whatever droll amusing little tidbit I came on to post.

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Thursday, 29 December 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, congratulations! (how did I miss this?) Big baby Teeny!

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

When I caught chlamydia!!!!1111

― Roxymuzak, Mrs. Carbohydrate (roxymuzak), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

Today when I saw pics of me pregnant. "WTF! I thought I wasn't THAT huge!"

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

Two words; grey pubes.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

Which I really shouldn't have posted as there are RL people I know who post here. yikes!

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

we all know already

― Roxymuzak, Mrs. Carbohydrate (roxymuzak), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

It was just the one, last time I checked...But it affirmed my mortality in a way I hadn't been prepared for...

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Thursday, 29 December 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

i wrote 'merry xmas' across my belly when i was drunk and full of xmas cookies and then a cuple days later when i woke up and took a shower i was all WTF is that, oh its faded pen.

― kephm (kephm), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

i had a really nasty intestinal infection a few weeks ago. my stomach bloated up [like, it was visibly larger], painful to touch, etc. never happened to me before, so i was like "OMG WTF IS GOING ON?", logged onto webMD and was paranoid that it might be my appendix.

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

― truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:44 (twenty years ago)

yesterday when the doctor told me i was genetically predisposed to have lower back/joint problems and i may as well get used to them. THANKS MOM.

― jody, Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

xxxxxxxxxpost - me 2!!!!!11!!!!1!1oneone!!

― DR. O. RLY? (eman), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

logged onto webMD and was paranoid that it might be my appendix.

This is why I have stopped reading WebMD.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.

― truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 29 December 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

haha
http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/mookieproof/dsotm.jpg

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 29 December 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Do we want to know how you got that?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 29 December 2005 20:49 (twenty years ago)

TENNY DID YOU MAKE PLACENTA TACOS?

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:29 (twenty years ago)

When did Pravda become the Weekly World News?

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

Pravda is full of paranormal shite. Search ufo stories in it....

― GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Thursday, 29 December 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

had to've been that 10-inch tapeworm that came out of my ass

― tnt, Thursday, 29 December 2005 22:27 (twenty years ago)

I had to sign a release before I went in that said I gave up rights to keep my placenta! I mean, I could have not signed it (like I didn't sign the circumcision release), but I thought it was funny that I had to declare that I had no interest in keeping it.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 29 December 2005 23:05 (twenty years ago)

http://ebaumsworld.com/videos/buttpimple.html

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Thursday, 29 December 2005 23:28 (twenty years ago)

Why does crap like the 'thorn lady' and the 'hairy boy' always happen in provincial China or Russia? Why can't it happen down the road from me?

I don't have any first-hand accounts of really weird shit, except for the time my sister woke up with purple bruises all around her eyes. Her doctor later said she had lupus, but the weird shit went away and never came back. The weirdest thing I get are flashing lights in my eyes.

― patrick bateman (mickeygraft), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)

That buttpimple video is the most horrifying thing I've seen in a long time. It's like his ass is a tube of toothpaste!

― truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

i recently noticed that one of my ankle bones sticks out way further than on the other foot. when i showed my roommate she screamed, 'gross!'
i think it's a leftover from when i hurt my ankle in middle school and the doctor told me it was "not broken." i always hated that dude.

― tres letraj (tehresa), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

i did an ear wax candle thing, and holy shit there was tons of it

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Hahahaha, the butt pimple thing is from a Pantera DVD. I watched it with my friends in college and we were all wasted -- freaked us the fuck out.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.

Seriously? -- this is my idea of a good time.

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 30 December 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

I just sneezed and had swimmy dots in my vision for about ten seconds. I don't think that usually happens.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

That happened to me, too! It was kooooooooooooooooooool.

I spent this morning hawking up bits of phlegm that resembled pieces of food. I don't mind my brown-yellow bits of sick coming out in magma form, but when the stuff SCRATCHES MY THROAT coming up, I get worried.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

grossness.

This past summer, one day I noticed that one of my toenails was totally blue. You'd think I would've known how this had happened. But, no. So I left it alone for a couple of days and then, in the process of checking it out (with numerous scary scenarios running through my head, including that kids in the hall sketch), found that most of the toenail lifted off and there was a new toenail growing away underneath! It was the feeling of lifting something that should not be lifted that made me say holyshitwtf though.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

I love those swimmy dots.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

rrrobyn, when I read your poem this morning containing the phrase "tiny blue toes," this is not what I was imagining.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

I get the swimmy dots all the time!
They are my friends!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.
Seriously? -- this is my idea of a good time.

Oh definitely! I have a small orgasm whenever I do it. ;-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

eek

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

My enjoyment is more clinical, I think. Like...it must have taken AGES for that thing to build up, and every clogged pore or ingrown hair is unique in the history of blemishes, so really, you're extracting something rare & all-its-own. Also, the lovely satisfaction of having won the battle and removed some weird corruption that your body couldn't fight on its own.

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:13 (twenty years ago)

reading that just made me a bit dizzy with grossness, but I do understand it. haha - "won the battle."

(haha, jaymc, that was written way before the toenail thing. i am now going to forget that the two were ever conflated.)

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

When my wife dug a whitehead out of my back the size and hardness of a grain of rice.

Seriously? -- this is my idea of a good time.

It did feel good when she finally got the tip of my penknife under it and got it out. The "omg wtf" was when I got a look at the thing.

― truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

It did feel good when she finally got the tip of my penknife under it and got it out.

god, sounds like some James Herriot "lance a boil" thing

― kingfish holiday travesty (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

aaaaaigggggghhhhhh!!!!!! I need a unicorn image!!!!!!

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

....I may have to rethink this whole "medical school" thing.

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:02 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

STOP READING NOW

I've had a sebaceous cyst on my back for a while, it's just a lump of "stuff" under the skin, about the size of the top half of my thumb. I showed it to a doctor about 5 years ago, because one had recently appeared on the back of my neck as well. That one went nova and drained itself over a week of ruined shirts. He said the one on my back was no problem, so we've been living peacefully since. Going back to the doctor about something else a few weeks ago, I mentioned that it has started turning irritable, making it difficult to sleep on my back. He set an appointment for surgical removal, and gave me some antibiotics, which I took for 5 days and then lost (blast!).

So last weekend it really started acting up, so that I couldn't sit back in my armchair, or twist my back more than a certain degree (EG have to raise my leg to tie my shoe) without sharp pain from the pressure building up. I was curious, so I tried taking a photo of it, and after a lot of bother got one, which revealed spots of yellow among the red, like pimples forming on it. Sunday night was lousy, but I finally got to sleep, and when I got up I could tell that the pressure had eased off a little. So I get ready for the shower, and I take off the shirt and realise in a slowmotion horror style why it's eased off, because a lot of the pimples have actually burst. So I grimace a bit and put the shirt back on, head down to the nearest chemist to get some big gauze plasters, which I've been reapplying after every shower.

The problem with applying the plasters, or even clearing the area, is that it's right in that bit of my back where I can't easily reach from any angle. Also I can't find large plasters, most of the ones I've found are for example 8cm x 10cm except that's almost all adhesive, and it's actually 4cm x 5cm of gauze, which is about wide enough but nowhere near as long. But I have some which are about the right size, and I apply them, and they come off with yellow gunk on them. And last time the gunk is a bit red as well, because I fucked up the placement and there was a bit of adhesive (IE the bit any pressure is distributed to) on a red patch. So I shower, then head back into the bathroom to remove from my body as much nefarious stuff as possible before reapplying. I can't really bring a lot of pressure on the site by the standard chicken-wings method of putting both arms behind me and pressing, in fact the easiest way seems to be to bend over forwards and apply some tension with a comic muscleman flexing of the arms. This today has an effect which is subtly but indescribably different to how it's worked the last few times, and I gain the insight that maybe one of the pimples has actually hit the motherlode half a second before I look over at the mirror and see/feel about a tablespoon of gunk (some yellow/green, some red, all smelling like absolute death) pop out of my back and start heading determinedly south.

COMMENCE READING NOW

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:10 (nineteen years ago)

i still hold that the skin is probably the most disgusting organ we have

― kingfish has gene rayburn's mic (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:15 (nineteen years ago)

Good god, Andrew!!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:23 (nineteen years ago)

I know!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:28 (nineteen years ago)

Aw man Andrew, I can TOTALLY relate (did I post about mine upthread? havent time to check). I had one in the exact same unreachable bit of my back and had to do the constant gauze changing mess dance. And oh god, the smell. How is it our own skin can make such a godawful sick death smell?!?! Mine did what yrs did - went nova, and drained over the course of a few days (with a lot of mess). Good thing too, I was about 5 days off going in for day surgery to cut it out. I cancelled that, and the cyst hasnt resurfaced since thank god.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:30 (nineteen years ago)

right fucking now. 130+ packages shipped today (mostly new belle and sebastian cds - hope you twee fuckers enjoy!). back feels like collapsing.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:31 (nineteen years ago)

Drunk the weekend before last, I'm convinced I cracked a rib but I have no idea how... it still hurts, but not as bad. I might have drunk/sleep walked and ate shit in the bathroom, I have no fucking idea but it hurt really, really bad.

― andy --, Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:36 (nineteen years ago)

Bruising a rib can feel that way. If it were cracked you wouldn't be able to stand up, I don't think. I bruised a rib one time, stone drunk at a friend's house. This friend had carpeted stairs.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:42 (nineteen years ago)

But yeah, basically, every time I breathed in -- which I do a lot, it turns out -- I felt a sharp pain in my side, and it lasted about three or four days.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:42 (nineteen years ago)

I think a hairline crack and a bruise can be quite similar in type, though the crack is just more painful. When I did in one of mine go-karting, the doctor basically said "We can't tell, and we don't treat them any differently anyway. Here's painkillers, let us know when you run out".

I had this nasty experience (common with a friend of mine who'd cracked his) that it got better for a while then suddenly worse, we think because of liquid building up around the area.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 1 February 2006 23:48 (nineteen years ago)

Well there's not much you can do for ribs, right? Maybe an Ace bandage, that's about it. It felt like Evel Kneivel beat me with a baseball bat, especially trying to get out of bed.

― andy --, Thursday, 2 February 2006 00:07 (nineteen years ago)

my last wtf reaction was by back awaking me with a spasmodic jerk - i sensed the posture of my body and i felt for all the world like a character in a comic book who's just swallowed the poison pill, whose body has contorted into gruesome rigidity, hands frozen just at the moment they've begun to claw the air - my back and neck hurt for three days; i was unable to twist; falling to sleep, i realized if i tried to lift my head up from my pillow in any direction i would have been incapable of it. no health insurance. frightening.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 2 February 2006 00:08 (nineteen years ago)

(Warning: Gross)

Worst wtf: I accidentally popped a blister on my finger at work, and the blister splooge sort of jumped about three feet out of my finger and hit the computer screen of the guy sitting next to me. I managed to wipe it off without him noticing.

Apart from that, my neck makes loud noises when I type to much, kind of like someone's shaking lots of dice inside me. I hate that.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Thursday, 2 February 2006 00:43 (nineteen years ago)

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