PLAN MY WEDDING

I'll ask wifey!

- Cake is terrible after a year. Trust me, don't save it.
- if anyone in your wedding party is breastfeeding, make sure they child is fed WELL BEFORE the ceremony

- if you are getting married in front of a fountain, don't let Tom drink a lot of beer beforehand while he waits for your breastfeeding maid of honor to hurry the hell up and feed the kid

- if you are told to hang your veil over a hanger in the bathroom to steam out any wrinkles, hang it by the comb or whatever you will use to attach to your head because otherwise you will end up with a hanger indent in your veil. Not as pretty as you'd think.

- don't let your sister (the aforementioned breasfeeder) apply nailpolish right before you show her how to bustle your dress

- disposable cameras on the tables are kinda cool

- find someone to follow you around at all times with a bottle of champagne, so as to give you frequent refills, and don't forget to eat *something*, even if it's just a little.

More as I think of it.

-- luna (lunace...), June 13th, 2005.

Don't abandon your reception to do pictures.

My parents "matured" their cake for several years, after their wedding was postponed at the last minute. I'm told it tasted great.

(it was home-baked by my nanna, though)

Make sure you have lots of cute little kids around for photo ops!

Nothing is actually planned at all, due to a really long, boring, dramatic story which I will not share here all of our previous planning (which hadn't actually amounted to anything due to L.B.D.S.) was scrapped completely by mutual decision so AFAIK the wedding party isn't even really decided on yet.

my main regrets: an outdoor wedding on Labor Day in TX; the pictures thing; letting my mom and grandma do most of the planning.

French wedding 'cakes' (I can't remember the proper word) look great, but are a bit too sickly for some people to eat. They're made from a big pile of profiteroles glued together with toffee.

xpost Ed that advice is sound and what we've fought for which has put off the planning actually (what Miss M says, I don't wanna let other people do all the planning). My main problem with kind of getting started again is that...there is nothing I really like, in terms of WHERE to have it, in the immediately vicinity of DC. Nothing that screams out to me at all. Maybe I am being really picky.

- if you have your wedding in a small town no one on earth except the people who live there have ever heard of, try to make sure it's not the same weekend as commencement at the local college because motels (of which there are about 3) will fill up fast.

- MAKE SURE that no one who rented a tux drives to the airport two hours away with it in his trunk, forcing your tireless maid of honor to have to drive four hours in the rain to go get it.

- waterproof mascara - do I even have to tell you this?

- if you are not going to have an open bar, do not force people to do the chicken dance. It just ain't right.

xpost oh luna, you know me better than thinking I'd even want to see sober people do the chicken dance...or the hokey pokey...or the electric slide...*shivers*

Rose garden sounds pretty!!

The only problem now is that Bloke's mother might kick up.

I know, sugar, but I thought I knew my best friend that well, too. I HAD TO DO THE CHICKEN DANCE AND I WAS ALMOST COMPLETELY SOBER.

I will bear scars from this FOR YEARS.

Yeah, I hate that. That was the first think I placed a ban on.

JIMMY TEH MOD. WHEREVER WE HOLD IT, IT WILL BE DECORATED IN SPECTACULAR FASHION. YOU KNOW HOW I ROLL. YOU WILL HAVE THINGS TO WORK WITH WITH YR PHOTOGRAPHY ROLE. FOR EXAMPLE, MY HOT SISTERS.

or here!

The bride's cake was white with a rolled fondant icing. It had raspberry and apricot filling and the topper was a porcelin cat I had bought in England. The groom's cake was devil's food and had a chocolate /peanut butter state of texas on top. yum. we had no liquor, too many drunks in the family.

We were married in the botanical gardens so this eliminated the need to come up with lots of flowers.

I think if it happens a second time I'll want to get married alone someplace exotic. and then come home and throw a fun party.

I went to a swell wedding here.

Ask Dick Valentine to be the minister...

http://www.gigwise.com/artists/2349_0.jpg

"EVERYBODY SAY I DO!"

"EVERYBODY SAY I DO YOU!"

My parents got married in their living room. Mom wore a leather dress that ended above the knee w/fringe on the sleeves. I'm not sure, but I'm willing to wager that the party wasn't catered. And if it was, it was probably J3ff coming with a tray of brownies.

Get married ON ILx. I'm sure Ned would be happy to preside.

http://bonuscard.de/images/kuchen1.jpg

(are those...testicles?)

The best wedding I ever went to: the ceremony was optional and lasted 10 minutes with no bridesmaids no groomsman and someone on jagjaguwar playing lounge piano. There was a special family dinner afterwards. And then later in the night there was a massive party/reception at the local sushi restaurant/indie club where all the friends formed a supergroup/wedding band and there was a cotton candy machine and lots of alcohol and everyone knew 75% of the people there.

The worst wedding I have ever been to has been every other since.

2. I heartily second, third, fourth and fifth the importance of a good DJ. If at all possible, go to anothe reception/party your prospective is doing and check him/her out.

3. DO NOT FORGET TO EAT. This is the best advice I received for my wedding reception.

4. Do not plan anything complicated. The simpler things are, the less likely it is that something will go catastrophically wrong.

4a. Something WILL go wrong. It is the nature of the beast. Don't worry about it; no matter what happens you'll still be married and you'll still be at a kick-ass party you are throwing for yourself.

5. Meal options are for suckers. Set a menu and stick to it. Only make exceptions for dietary/religious restrictions and broadly hint that the people requesting special meals will get hot water flavored with mint. The one thing I am kind of mad about is that we gave people two entree choices and everyone and their mama picked the expensive one.

6. Do not worry about making people wait. No one is going to be dumb enough to ditch your wedding; don't rush your pictures or your receiving line and, if you need to duck out and have a moment, duck out and have a moment. Your wedding day is one of the few times that you can legitimately be completely and utterly self-centered and people will understand.

6a. While you are being self-involved, don't yell at anyone. Everyone will think you're the most amazing bride ever. Tom has it easy, all he has to do is smile and avoid pulling out his penis during the reception and people will look on him favorably.

7. If you'd like a soloist, my wife is most likely going to be available and she'd probably do it for cheap. Nothing says CLASSY like a soprano soloist; she'll even help you pick music if you're unsure about good wedding songs/arias.

8. AW YEAH YOU'S GITTIN MURRIED!

9. (I'm totally serious about the open bar thing. Don't do it, it's a world of financial pain.)

The ball cake is GREAT, I like that idea! I like cakes that are not cakes. Cakes tend to make me a little sicky sicky.

Costume party. But only if Spencer comes as a pizza with an axe.

XPOST U KNOW I ROLL LIKE AN OPEN BAR U WERE AT THE RITZ CARLTON WITH ME. NO WAY A WEDDING OPEN BAR COSTS MORE THAN WHAT DAN, OTIS AND RAMON DRANK AFTER I SAID "DON'T TOUCH THE MINI BAR TOO MUCH" BITCHES!!! OPEN BAR = MORE IMPORTANT THAN TEH FOOD

Besides generous bar the DJ thing is v. important. I cannot have anything awful at my wedding. Only the best songs will do, like Poison's "Talk Dirty To Me." Also there has to be significant Billy Idol playing, and a lot of '80s dance. If any DJ tries to do some group dance at my wedding I"ll cut him, seriously.

The biggest hit at any of the weddings I've attended was hors d'ouvres of mini-burgers/sliders.

I don't recommend getting married in the DC summer, but then I don't really recommend going outside much in the DC summer. I'm a wuss that way.

No. Chous (Cream puffs), traditional French wedding cake. So fucking delicious, and easy to serve out.

Ally, my advice... my only piece of advice is.... don't let your mom get you stoned when you still have to be civilized/decent with your guests. Made my wedding, well, memorable to say the very least.

If any DJ tries to do some group dance at my wedding I"ll cut him, seriously.

So absolutely OTM.

(PS I am still paying for the liquor at our wedding 5.75 years later.)

(PPS The Electric Slide rocks balls, you sad sad people.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh I jest.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

xpost yah still at GW. I'm gon' check out all these recommendations--thank everyone who has had a place recommendation cos that has been the absolute hardest bit for me. Because I am not really down, per se. OTOH cheaper than NYC.

Is a room at the Smithsonian beaucoup dinero?

!!!!!!!

Also: I want pics, DP. I believe in the greatness, but now I want proof. Also, I want you to tell me that the wedding was held in Hastings at the VFW. That place rules*.

* I am lying.

I have no further helpful anything right now, but that's because I'm a little drunk.

I was one of my friend's bridesmaids. Since she got married in a museum, there was no cleanup crew at the ready following the reception. So after she threw the bouquet and floated out the door with her groom, all the guests and family members soon followed. The remaining wedding party looked around, studied the frosting that was stuck to the floor, the detrius of plastic champagne glasses littering in the Wolly Mamoth exhibit, and realized WE were the cleanup crew.

If cakes make you a little sick you *definitely* don't want one of those French ball cake things - they're *much* sicklier.

They do look cool, though, especially as they're often brought to the table with indoor fireworks flaring out of the top.

Cake: we are having three different friends make three different tiers I think. I really want something good for the top, but don't know what. If they made like customised Lego people that would be good!

Everything Dan and luna said sounds good general advice - my friend told me yesterday that it's a really good idea to make yourself take a mental step back every so often through the day, so you can take it all in. Too easy for it all to go past in a blur... and that would be such a waste of all ile's planning efforts :)

It's in a pretty hidden-away hilltop spot--beautiful trees changing color in the fall, lots of stuff blooming every other time. The terrace out the back of the mansion and the dacha and gardens next to it are especially nice. There's school stuff but you don't necessarily see it from where weddingy stuff would be. (However, looking at that site, they seem to have time restrictions on the use--nothing past midnight, residential area restrictions maybe--that might be incompatible with your plans.)

Well, with an open bar, and the right assortment of guests, it might seem like the right thing to do.

"...you know, something for reference."

(cue Tellytubbies Go Bye Bye! theme)

I went to a wedding here and thought it was very lovely:

Oxon Hill Manor: 6901 Oxon Hill Rd., Oxon Hill, 301-839-7782. (Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-3 p.m.) Patio, back and side lawns, garden, as well as the first floor are available for weddings, receptions, and meetings. 300 indoors. Larger capacity with tenting

This website is great if you're interested in doing a garden wedding

http://www.usna.usda.gov/Information/wedlist.html

Seriously, keep the courthouse in mind.

1. I think TLC already has kind of a Pimp My Wedding show but it might just be more of a Watch These People Pimp Their Own Wedding I dunno. I mostly paid attention because I was hoping for a cake to fall over or a fight to break out, just like watching car racing to make sure you don't miss any accidents.

2. It is not "Lil' Tom," it is "Ringo," I am pretty sure this is talked about on another thread.

4. ihttp://webpages.charter.net/harshec/lego/images/wedding_cake/cake_3.jpg
It is not a cake!

5. My parents are loaded.

6. Here are some facts about the requirements for getting a marriage license in DC and Virginia:
VA:
$30;
No waiting period;
No blood test requirement;
Non-resident ordained ministers may perform marriages with the permission of the probate court of the district within which the marriage is to take place (provide proof of ordination and regular communion with the pertinent religious society)
DC:
$45;
5-day waiting period;
Must get tested for syphilis and have negative results recorded on DC Health Dept. Form 366 which is only valid for 30 days;
Non-resident ministers ("celebrants") have to put down another $35 and fill out another form to apply for authorization to perform the marriage in DC

Ooh, that sounds great.

"- Hands down hire a wedding planner if only for the wedding day itself (I think she wanted $500. I thought it was too much and whole-heartedly regretted not hiring her.). The wedding is made in the details, and it is just too much for any one person, or team of friends and family, to handle on the day.

- Don't go cheap on the wedding gown. I'm so, so glad I didn't. Even if everything falls apart, you at least know that you will look and feel amazing. And the pictures show it.

- Things that are okay to go cheap on (from experience): tablecloths, chairs, tables, you can get creative with the centerpieces and invitations, jewelry from eBay (but not the veil, I ended up buying two to get it right). Don't get: bread plates, butter knives, or cake plates. People don't think twice about eating cake off of clear plastic plates and no one ever notices that there were no bread plates or butter knives, I promise.

- I don't recommend skimping on dress, location, flowers, or photographer

- Plan surprises for yourself on the day. Our readers chose what they were going to read. My mother-in-law chose a piece of music for our ceremony. You think that it is risky, but they were the most wonderful moments. It reminds you that the ceremony is a blessing and gift, not just your wonderfully scheduled program.

- Hold tight to your real life. I wish I would have. We talked and did so much with the wedding that whole year that it was just too much for me when it actually happened. It made it hard to live right in that moment. All I could think was, Okay this happens. Now that happens. And now the cake. That is where the surprises really came in handy for me. I think you need the reality to feel the real magnitude of what's happening.

- Most importantly, you and your partner are the only people that need to be happy. If you try to please everyone, you please no one. Shout it from the rooftops. The two of you are committing your lives to each other therefore the napkin color should be yours and yours alone to decide. It won't kill them if you say no, even if they act like it does."

Weddings sound really complicated in general. I like the idea of doing it in a garden a lot (ha ha, doin' it).

Yes I do, but I don't like some of them because I look sort of shiny in most of them. My wife, of course, looks fabulous.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG. That would have been the biggest wedding/suicide ever seen in Minnesota. We got married in Boston at Memorial Church (where I'd sung in the choir for four years and she did day care for 3 and sang for one, so everyone knew us very well and bent over backwards to do things for us; it pays to be a heathen chorister who sings for cash!) and the reception was at the Tremont Boston (which was a four-star when we got married and has apparently gone downhill in recent years, but at the time it was THE BOMB, esp. at the price we got).

Mrs. Adam reminds me: GET A WEDDING COORDINATOR. They will worry about the details for you and provide a handy interface for abuse if you feel yourself losing it during the reception. Also I completely agree with the skimp/don't skimp list.

Wait how come I can't take my penis out at the reception?

Because you cannot take focus away from the bride at the wedding, dude! The secret to being a great groom is deflecting all attention and admiration to the bride. The wedding is all about her and your main job is to make everyone fawn and bask in her awe and glory; it's hard to do that if your cock is soaking up all of the awe and glory.

(Haha I have a very demented version of those old-school Palmolive ads running through my head now. "You're soakaing in it!")

(PS: Don't book a venue where you have to clean up yourself! What's the point, then? You might as well get married in your apartment.)

From recent experience as a guest: audience participation is fun! As long as it's limited to disposable cameras on tables rather than an enforced dancing of the hokey cokey.

Argos 5-pack for a tenner!

OK, back to Ally...

the Woodrow Wilson house

the "Brewmaster's Castle"

I went to a wedding here and thought it was very lovely:

Oxon Hill Manor is currently closed

some more catering ideas

Lucy, I did get shoes: http://www.shoemall.co.uk/productimages/clk_delphinium_thumb.jpg

Cake in face, blah blah. That child is real.

That's Olivia.

there's also these guys

SEE myself and groomsmen preparing for the wedding with nervous anticipation!!!

...I know what I'm doing for the rest of the day.

I'm really good friends with the brother-in-law of the drummer in the Dan Band, the wedding band in Old School, so if you want me to ask how much they'd be, I could.

Neat! Go for it.

Anyway, back to ALLY and TOM. My apologies...

I am however, reminded of my favorite The Onion headline: Owls are A**holes.

apparently, to get married in Dahlgren (or another) chapel, you need like a blessing from the Pope. also note their alcohol policies. They might vary in workability/appropriateness, but I would look into Copley Formal Lounge, Healy corridors and/or Old North (under "Other Special Spaces"). "Outdoor spaces" is a little vague, but I would look into the possibility of Dahlgren Quadrangle (!), the plaza/apron of White-Gravenor, Healy and Copley lawns (the main quad), Leavey Esplanade (the roof of the Leavey Center), and the quad of Alumni Square (assuming there's ever a time when students aren't living in surrounding Village B). Campus maps here.

I'm not sure any spaces at the Law Center are available for outside use, but I would look into the quad between McDonough and the library, and the 12th floor of Gewirz.

http://us.news3.yimg.com/us.i2.yimg.com/p/ap/20050615/capt.vat10206151354.vatican_pope__vat102.jpg?x=380&y=247&sig=cdJrdgYHzEnxxJtr9QtrNA--

"Yes, Ally, you may use whatever cathedral you like. Now I must go back to talking with James Coburn about filming The Lee Marvin Story."

http://www.gawker.com/news/culture/craigslist/things-not-to-do-at-our-wedding-no-matter-how-good-your-intentions-107978.php

http://www.tabardinn.com/banquet.htm

OMG

"YAR!"

Even better worse.

http://www.disinfotainmenttoday.com/darenet/shining_weird.jpg

(full disclosure: he's a friend)

http://www.fantaseaweddings.com/recentweddingphotos/bunnywedding/ROLL3DX-6.JPG

http://www.fantaseaweddings.com/images/bunnywedding.JPG

http://www.vegas.com/weddings/hotelchapels/startrek.jpg

Awesome.

things we know:
off-peak season (ie february/march if we can set it up in time)
probably about 100 people
five-minute ceremony
probably evening, ideally saturday unless it's too expensive
a meal rather than cocktails (buffet vs sit-down is open to suggestion)
relatively expensive american city (dc)

things we wanna know:
ballpark food cost per head? (big bonus points for estimating alcohol as well, but our friends drink a lot)
what should a photographer cost?
is it better to try to find a package deal (food/drink/place all from one vendor) or try to mix-and-match?
how best to handle alcohol without going bankrupt?

things that we don't know and don't know we need to know:
probably a lot

i think what we want is fairly simple as far as such things go--pretty much just a party--but there are crazy variables and we don't know which ones to solve for first.

THANX 4 ADVICE XOXOXO

People will love you if you do open bar. DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE FAKE, FAKE PEOPLE. Make them pay. Pick up the beer if you're feeling generous.

Our photographer ended up being... $3K? That sounds right; our album is the bomb diggety. (It fucking better be for $3K.)

Package deals will always be better financially but you might not get exactly what you want.

Sit-downs tend to be more expensive but you get to control exactly how much people are eating, so they don't have to be. (We did sit-down because we're fancy like that.)

THINGS TO WATCH OUT FOR IF YOU MIX AND MATCH
Run through your venue's contract 17 trillion times looking for hidden fees like cake cutter or bottle corker. These are completely superfluous and thrown in by bitchy venues who are pushy about you using THEIR preferred vendor, and if you use anyone else they pull some kind of $200 cake cutter fee stunt etc etc. Throw a total wobbly if a place gives you that, I mean like one guy said to us, are they NOT going to let you cut your own damn cake at your wedding if you don't pay them?

Re: alcohol, this is silly, most places are pretty reasonable about the alcohol fee actually, more reasonable than you'd expect. Easy ways to cut it down further would be to offer only beer, wine and champagne and cut out hard liquor--this would depend on what your family and friends are like though, this might not be an at all feasible idea. Also the wine thing might not be ok at some venues, I notice this a LOT in the DC area whereas I didn't as much in NY, ie historical properties be bitchy abouts teh red wine.

I can't help you with a photographer because I plan to listen to my friend Billy ZaneJimmy the Mod and hire him on as my photog.

What about music? Music is another place to easily skimp. A) NO ONE, NO ONE IN THE WORLD, PREFERS WEDDINGS WITH BANDS. EVER. B) DJs are much cheaper than bands and as you can see by A, they are preferable. C) You can even cut this out by talking to the people at your venue, if you're having a smaller wedding and aren't interested in the dicky nonsense DJs will do, you can do it yourself, get your iPod loaded up, the venue people will help you with the set up, and ask a friend or family member to do the MC honors when necessary.

xpost oh you did not just advocate making people pay for alcohol at a wedding.

The DJ point cannot be reiterated enough. DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ. The only people who will like your wedding band are the same people who like doing the pony to "Mustang Sally" at every single party you go to. Unless you can do something ridiculous like getting Fugazi to play, don't get a band.

That is so not true. At every single wedding that my band plays, we get all kinds of "oh, you guys totally made this wedding" shit, and they're RIGHT. I'd like to see a dj get the middle-aged groom to buck it like a horse and then get the cops called!

xpost oh you did not just advocate making people pay for alcohol at a wedding.

This, however, is OTM.

BANDS AT WEDDINGS ARE AWESOME

Dude, if you follow this plan, you're going to have the best wedding EVAR. Seriously.

This is when I was 14.

YOU ARE THE OUTLAWS AND I CLAIM $5 WITH WHICH I WILL HIRE YOU

yeah, we're definitely thinking DJ. except that neither of us particularly like to dance (actually, she hates it) and the music we would probably like to hear is not the music that our guests would like to hear or dance to. except, of course, for "it's raining men".

My friend keeps bothering me to learn how to do something like swing dance or waltz for our first dance at the wedding. I recommend against doing this, mookie.

(Anyway our lessons were supermega cheap, like $100 for 10 of them.)

Kind of! We had a 30-person choir, all kinds of limousines, processionals, and music (the missus walked down the isle to the Trumpet Voluntary and we recessed to the main theme from the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th, the latter being the concert we sang the night we started dating; also there was a flute-organ duet in the prelude and 5 choral pieces sprinkled throughout the ceremony). The reception was in a big ballroom with the cocktail hour in the hotel lobby while we were upstairs in a library doing our pictures. The DJ played lots and lots of bebop and cool jazz until our first dance. We cut the cake to Average White Band, I danced with my mom to "What A Wonderful World" while the wife danced with her dad to "Let's Stay Together" (then the DJ screwed up and played a godawful James Taylor "You Are A Friend Of Mine" piece of shit for the wedding party's dance but that was our fault as we didn't give adequate direction), we had "Kiss", "C'mon Ride The Train", "Let Me Clear My Throat", "Jump Around" and "I Like To Move It" played during the party portion, our penultimate dance was "Somebody" by DM (which I'd sung to her when I proposed) and the last dance of the evening was "Last Dance".

Also my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY got up and did the electric slide. We even got my ultra-indie high school and super-jaded college friends to do it. It was fucking awesome. Also to date no one who went to our wedding has said that they've been to a better one, including several friends who've gotten married since us.

ARGH "tacky asshole" ARGH

Yes! That's what my family does at weddings! At my cousin's second wedding we did the electric slide, the bus stop AND the monorail! IT WAS AWESOME.

Fuck weddings. Marriage is cool, but weddings are just--ugh.

setting my MOM on FIRE, and also DRINKING. you people!!! GOD.

xpost yeah setting your mom on fire, in no way will that make her more unpleasant to deal with! NICE ONE.

ihttp://www.airynothing.com/photos/wedding/bridezilla_in_the_museum/bridezilla_in_the_museum-Images/18.jpg

That is delightful!

This is so right. And Teeny is so right. Her story gave me the strength to piss off to Halifax, NS where my best friend lives at the moment. Luckily, in the end, my parents decided to come along. The day consisted of:
Very pleasant hairdressing appointment for the entire wedding party (except my Dad, who had had his hair cut before we left Dublin, so he slept late).
Short taxi ride to the Public Gardens where we met the JP.
Five-minute service under a tree in the garden. I cried, my friend cried, my mother cried. The couple who were eating lunch on the bench next to us also said it was lovely. We signed the register in balmy sunshine on a park bench.
Cruise around the bay on a large sailing ship for a couple of hours. Lots of smiles from other people on the cruise.
Dinner in a fantastic restaurant in Halifax. Just the five of us in a little booth in the corner.
Few pints in a pub.
Bed.

It was totally stress-free and a high quality wedding.

And yeah, people bitched at us beforehand, but they're over it now. Blogs and mobile phones are great things. Posting loads of pictures on the internet made people feel more involved, and the could call us on the day.

I liked my wedding. Interference from family members could well have ruined it, but I wouldn't let it happen. I mean things still went wrong (cake too small, not enough food at the evening buffet, photos were crap, m-in-law trying to upstage everyone, changing seating plans etc) but I wasn't letting that ruin my day. As far as I'm concerned, we chucked a good party and we were married at the end of it. Anything else is just not worth worrying about.

We had proper dancing and good food and lots of drink and a band who didn't want to finish at the end of the night and a wonderful reception venue which didn't kick us all out when they were meant to since everyone was still enjoying themselves and sold boatloads of carry-out booze to my friends at the end of the night.

But then a large wedding party had reserved the courtyard at the same time to use it for their photos, so suddenly you had a huge crowd of bewildered people in formalwear standing around staring at the Tape Babies, trying to figure out how to set up their shots so the bride wouldn't have a little see-through ghost peering over her shoulder.

If I were to have a wedding the Tape Babies would be invited.

like good groomsman gifts, besides flasks, which they already have and never use anyway

http://www.funpartystores.com/terrible%20towel.gif

I'm not even sure why I bothered with bridesmaids gifts, in retrospect, since I purchased all their dresses and handbags for them. I bought them earrings and I'm making perfume oil for each of them.

Was this before or after you produced the ring?

BUT WHAT IS THE DEAL

WITH:

VEILS

WEDDING SHOES

WHY SO UGLY?

http://froogle.google.com/froogle_cluster?q=white+sandals+heels&pid=4791757221013506038&oid=3274880319591766732&btnG=Search+Froogle&oi=froogler&lmode=&addr=&scoring=p&hl=en

I'm having massive fashion dilemmas. I also am pretty certain I cannot wear any underwear, at all, with the dress I picked out. And these veils!!! Oh, and I can't even find a handbag, all of the handbags that are remotely pretty come in ivory-tinged shades, and I'm wearing bright white.

SIGH WTF GOD.

xpost!!!!!!!!

http://store.yahoo.com/vero/modbian.html

xpost I am considering a shoe secret. Or buying silver but I already ahve MANY pairs of silver shoes.

http://www.shoestation.com/shoestation/product.asp?dept_id=3345&pf_id=PAAAAABAJBPMCHAG&ad_id=froogle&key_id=PAAAAABAJBPMCHAG&

http://www.bridesave.com/images/shoes/sa47075m.jpg

http://store.yahoo.com/exotichighheels/plsexhigheel.html

http://froogle.google.com/froogle_cluster?q=white+sandals+heels&pid=4880152664489977560&oid=3192232517336434742&btnG=Search+Froogle&oi=froogler&lmode=&addr=&scoring=p&hl=en

I just wore white ballet flats so I would not look like a 7ft tranny.

And I really quite like these Guess platforms, but I'm shortish so I would: http://www.shoes.com/product.asp?p=5018333%7EWomens%7CDress&sc=WOMENS&variant_id=77424

I like these.

Those clogs are terrifying. The Chinese Laundry ones and the ones Nicole posted are cute.

I would link you guys to my dress for helpfulness reasons except Tom might read this thread and ruin everything.

...

Are these ugly or just not fancy enough?

Is a veil required? Can you do something else (vintage 40's hat? feathers? flowers? tiara?)

I think the thing is, that I don't want to wear anything on my head! I was hoping to just find a really plain veil that clips on and I can just throw aside as soon as unnecessary. But they've all either got ridiculous acoutrements all over them or they're covered in glitter. I am considering a tiara I guess but I don't want to be too rhinestoney. Also I don't think I'm going to wear my hair up and it seems almost all of them are made to go around gigantic muffins women place upon their heads when they get married.

My bridesmaids are all wearing this:
http://modernbridalshop.com/wt741blchvwi.html
Which, apparently, is not as modest up top as the photo on that website would lead you to believe. They picked that one out of the choices given because they thought it would be LESS revealing but apparently the gown in that photo is pinned shut or something.

Now, I like tiaras a lot and I don't wear head muffins. Sometimes I wear a tiara out just for the hell of it.

But making your own sounds pretty good, and cheap! Cheap is +10 for me right now cos I'm tired of every other person involved in this just being like "Let's burn all of our money!"

I think it was the combination of darker color with an open throat down the top of the foot.

But 7" clear heels I'm sure would give the same illusion.

http://store.yahoo.com/exotichighheels/6inplwesa.html

http://store.yahoo.com/exotichighheels/noname52.html

XP: Dan. Stop. I was going to mention that kind of high fetish shoes in reference to demi-pointe, but you know, I DECIDED NOT TO.

i also like fascinators, but they might be too weird for you.

http://img.alibaba.com/img/product/photobank/t/re/trenique/offer/1114145801274.jpg

these are all about 2-3x too big, but you get the idea. also easy to make with some wire and feathers and a hairclip, and you can wear your hair down, with just a little comb with feathers in the back.

Beth, I've been trying Total Avoidance pretty hard-core but this lady is a persistent, persistent type. Like she makes a bulldog look yielding and unstubborn.

xpost oh I didn't even think about Ebay. Those things aren't too weird, I like the white one that the lady with the chandelier earrings is wearing.

consequently, she has not been invited to our wedding. which leaves the status of my fiancee's dad in question. last week we found out he hadn't even told his wife she wasn't invited (it seems he's scared to) as he essentially begged to be allowed to bring her. now, we're guessing he just won't come at all, which is pretty lame. but we think there's a slight chance he'll show up with her anyway. so what should we do then? (besides shoot her in the face with a bazooka, i mean?)

I did have an incredibly classic-in-retrospect argument with my MIL a week and a half before the wedding re: her underestimating the cost of living in Boston and leaping to the conclusion that I must be spending all of my money on drugs.

Mooks, WHA?? Get your mother under control, man -- that's just not fair to your really-very-nice bride.

ebay is completely the best cheapo wedding junk place. you can find anything. if you can stand the tat of craft stores, places like michael's have really cheap veil kits as well, and you can hack them off or use them to choke the MIL or whatever makes you happy.

I don't mind Michael's at all, actually my mom's been pretty heavily using tatty craft stores to do the favors and stuff. Instead of placecards we're making mix CDs for everyone. This has nothing to do with anything else.

i was in michaels at christmas (this tells about the entertainment options available in michigan-- went to buy a bottle of champagne, and the craft store is the next most exciting way to kill some time), and they had a whole wedding aisle. it was mostly pretty creepy, but they had some headband/tulle kits as well. oh, and if you want your hair down, just get one of those combs and make a triangular veil so it hangs off the back of your head, but doesn't get in your face and stuff. will probably make more practical solutions once i've seen the dress.

i am shocked at how much useless knowledge i have about wedding stuff. it's nice to be able to share it. no family-wrangling tips, though. except avoiding conflict through actually physically avoiding (see trip to michaels) seemed to do ok over the holidays.

xpost-- i'm now imagining some weird hybrid of christina aguilera videos, 'dirrrty' and 'beautiful'. like clowning and fighting in a weird butterfly cocoon outfit.

No problem on that front. But out of curiosity I googled "beth parker mother-in-law" and discovered that I am just one of THOUSANDS of Beth Parkers with horrible mothers-in-law. Oh the misery.

RELATIONSHIP OF BRIDE TO GROOM: ____________________________________

hey dude wht's the dilly with marriage licenses here? I assume you've already gone and got yrs, how painful was it?

Unfortunately, I will look extremely weird if I reference my mother for the next 50 years of my life as my own paradigm of level-headedness.

I wish you all luck with the resolution of your wedding trials and tribulations. I would marry my wife every morning if I could, but I would never have another wedding as long as I live if I could help it. Now, the reception on the other hand...

oh fuck mega xpost sorry

Ha ha--I said SORELY.

no, i'm afraid it IS a problem for you to suddenly invite your sister and brother-in-law (or maybe brother and sister-in-law, i'm not even sure) whom i met ONCE TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO to the wedding that is in TWO WEEKS just because they are driving your 96-year old mother who i actually like but invited pretty much as a courtesy. I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU COME YOURSELF, LET ALONE YOUR UNKNOWN SIBLINGS. YES you gave us some money for the wedding but STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE KTHXBYE

Tuvan throat singers can substitute for pipers in a pinch.

(ally did they kind of pop that $32/hr/server thing on you at the end?)

Damn right! We didn't have a pipe band, but we had a piper and he played with the band for a bit as well as doing his lone piper thing and it totally roXored.

Steve.

xpost actually that was the rehearsal dinner! Oh snap!

It was still the most beautiful night of my life, and in hindsight, I wouldn't change a thing.

...There's no good stills on the internet of Laurence Harvey holding the sniper rifle.

Ahem. XP.

...maybe.

And, boy, do I love t-shirts!

http://red_wings_83.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/tuxedo.mask.jpg

People who want to suggest elopement, take a number please.
The fuchsia was named for its discoverer, a German whose last name was Fuchs. That's how I remember the correct spelling. Not that you asked. But...I KNOW Dan would want to be spelling it right, even if he isn't going to be wearing it.

xpost

http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/b3/29/221876-resized200.JPG

I just got an xpost with other messages that made me check that I was still on the right thread.

1) We're having the reception, weather permitting, in a kind of outdoor pavillion which is in a nice setting but unremarkable looking. What would be some nice, inexpensive ways we could spruce it up? (Potted plants? Cool-looking hanging sash thingies?)

2) What's the best mass-production wine IYHO? Costco has a couple of different Yellow-Tail Reserve wines for $99/case (12 bottles). I've always been pretty happy with Rosemount wines too. Anything else anyone recommends?

3) Is having no dancing a total dud? We were thinking of having a more mellow affair -- light live music.

We're generally looking for a lighter red because the food is going to be Turkish vegetarian salads and dishes, chicken kebab, and salmon kebab. Maybe a Cab Sav or some kind of blend?

3) Personally, my wedding would have been WAY less fun and memorable without the dancing. We did exert a completely obsessive grip over the music though - it was all mixtapes that Matt had made himself - which probably helped.

(3) If you're having light live music, and you have candles, people will waltz anyhow. Romantic, innit. The music and the band and people dancing *made* my wedding reception. I guess it entirely depends on how many people are going to be there, and what sort of people are there. We had over 150 people at our reception, friends, maiden aunts, grannies etc, and light music and chatting would have been dullsville central and sent everyone packing early - we had a ceilidh band and had people up jigging and reeling and waltzing until about 2 in the morning.

And you could light an epic with candles.

1) If we do have dancing, I'd like an actual dj so as to have pro sound and not to have to worry about making mixes and such (I'd become horribly obsessive about the task and lose sight of the wedding). However, I don't want some "wedding dj." Other than just getting a friend (I don't have any friends with proper equipment), does anyone have NYC-area recommendations?

2) As I am in a couple of bands, and music is a huge part of my life, and a lot of my friends are musicians, I really wanted a certain friend's band to play. They're very mellow, but I probably want them for the reception rather than the ceremony (for which I'd prefer some classical theme or something). Am I making things overly logistically complicated by having my friend's band play for an hour and THEN a dj for dancing? Is it a bad idea for some other reason?

2) i think it would be ideal having your friend's mellow band for a bit and then dancing - people need to warm up a bit after all, and may want to eat and drink and chat before dancing. (This was possibly our mstake, as we had planned the music for solid dancing and sort of forgot we'd be doing other things as well.)

2) This is totally normal to have multiple types of music and musicians. I'm assuming you're having a cocktail hour and food and the whole thing prior to RECEPTION DANCE PARTY TIME anyway so if you just straight on hired a DJ for the whole evening, they'd do a mellower mix prior to hitting the dance music anyway, so why not have your band play for that first hour or two? Saves you money and your friends are still involved and entertaining people.

2nding Jaq's recommendation of Hogue as an excellent low-cost winery. I don't think I've disliked anything from them. Yellow Tail is a very different story, I've pretty much hated most of what I've had.

A wedding we attended last summer made use of yards and yards of tulle (the fine gauzy stuff wedding veils are made of) - it was outdoors and big panels of it floated in the breeze and hung like scrims as a backdrop.

If you want more silly dances than you can shake your bootie to, he's the man (he even has instructions on how to do the dances on his site).

If, on the other hand, this idea is utterly horrifying, you can still look at the site for a laugh. I still shudder to think of the one event I attended where he was playing.

this didn't work for us, really. we're aiming for 80 people, tops, and my parents claimed they couldn't get their list below 40. this led to a massive blowout and now they're down closer to 22, and i'm crossing my fingers that they won't all come. it comes down, like trayce says, to how stubborn you want to be about it all, really.

also, on the decorating thing, you can get nice potted plants (and even small trees) really cheap at home depot, and you could get some cheap fabric to cover the plastic pots if you care about that kind of thing. if you've got power, you could put some fairy lights in the trees, which would be cheap, simple and very pretty.

I don't know how other people work these things, but it was a "whoever wants in, gets in" at the church, invited guests at the meal, and an extended guest list for the evening festivities, which allowed me to invite my extended social circle for the drinking and fun bit without asking my parents to feed them as well. I think that worked out OK for us.

If Neil and I had been paying for it, it would have been parents, grandparents, godparents and brothers only at the wedding, I think. Then we'd probably have gone to the pub.

i can't remember where hurtingchief is, but that model works way better in the UK than in the US. it seems pretty typical to shave the list for church/meal down as much as possible, and then inviting everyone possible for the drinking and dancing bit. i suspect this is partially because it seems to ususally be a cash bar there.

in the US, cash bars are taboo in most parts of the country, and there's no tradition of having any kind of late party for extra folks. so you end up paying for dinner and drinks for everyone that's there.

i have to say i like the UK model better!

I'd already decided to include the whole family (it's small) and a fair number of old family friends who I like and want to be there. It's just the people I don't feel a connection with that bother me -- a couple who I don't even remember ever meeting, a couple I haven't seen for at least 15 years, etc.

It's your day though, if having a couple of people there for your parents' sake rather than yours is going to make it awkward, point that out to your parents and get them knocked off the list.

Fuck them. You pick who you want. Spots left over, or extended family who RSVP no, etc, those are open to A) more of your friends, B) your parents' friends when you can't think of anybody else who can make it.

I purposefully B-listed all of my parents' friends, even the ones I really liked, because their numbers were BULL SHIT. and as I learned, unfortunately way too late, my mom will take any inch she's given and turn it into a mile.

B-list B-list B-list, and it doesn't matter who's "ok with it" because guess what it's your fucking wedding motherfuckers step off.

That is all.

So here's the situation: We're on a budget, and we have to choose between two options:

1) Reputable caterer with reportedly good quality (haven't tasted yet) and nice presentation can provide a full service meal, but a pretty simple, light summer one. Chicken and salmon prepared nicely, a couple of nice sides/salads. Not very many different dishes, but what looks They provide everything including a bartender (everything except the liquor itself). They even do the wedding cake, and they do a very nice job on it. The price puts us over our budget, though probably not outrageously.

2) A small Turkish place that we absolutely love (it was "our place" when we lived in that town) can make us an amazing, exotic and quite varied meal of exceptional quality for a very low price. We are fairly into food, and my fiance's father is a serious foodie. But the Turkish place only provides the food. We find the servers, linens, dinnerware, etc. and we also need to get a cake.

I've already looked into it, and my rough estimates suggest that doing things this way also saves us at least $10-20 per person (avoiding the standard caterer and wedding markups), not to mention that it will be a more memorable meal. But it's a headache coordinating everything, especially since we're doing this outdoors. We've already hired someone to manage everything on the day of the wedding, but it still makes us a little nervous.

What should we choose? Memorability or comfort?

how many guests? because the $10-$20 adds up more, i mean.

in any case, i guess i would suggest the turks, although the other option doesn't sound bad at all. just because it means more to you. if you've hired someone to manage everything on the day of the wedding, then a) (sorry) you don't seem that poor, and b) they can manage the servers etc for you once you find them, yes?

we got pie instead of a wedding cake. it was cheaper and awesomer.

my main advice to couples is to have friends unexpectedly bring a case of champagne. this really made our wedding. congrats!

The caterer can do $70 a person (I really had to talk them down to even get it to that. Usually they do $90-$100 per person).

The Turkish place is going to be a maximum of $30 a person and that's only if we get crazy with legs of lamb and artichokes and all kinds of off-the-menu delicacies. It seems at least plausible to do everything else for another $20-30 a person based on pricings I've seen.

Is it gauche to talk numbers?

Re: the cake -- we had originally said we don't even need one of those fondant cakes and we'd just get some kind of sheet cake or something, especially since the Turkish place would give us bomb-ass baklava and kedayif as well as rice and coconut pudding.

Also, the caterer just has this annoying snotty air about it and I don't know if it really suits us. But being able to relax on my wedding day does suit me, so it's a tough choice. Much more can go wrong with several different contractors than with one catering service.

And you will want to appoint your best man/maid of honor/whatever to be the people who run around on your wedding day making sure that nothing goes wrong. Their job is to make sure that even if there's a problem, you don't even know about it until you're back from the honeymoon. Your job that day is to walk out of that building married; as long as that happens, you're in fine shape. Worst comes to worst, one of them runs to the nearest grocery store and gets paper plates and plastic forks, and everybody talks for years about how great the food was.

Also, if you get a cake from elsewhere, you get to do CAKE TASTINGS--people who make wedding cakes will bring samples to you.

Spend the money on stuff that will make your wedding special and fun and personal. You won't regret that.

if you're in a big or medium sized city, totally go for the turkish. you can either go on craigslist adversiting that you want all the equipment and service, and wait to see how much people charge, or contact a few rental agencies. from our experience, caterers charge double the food price for service, equipment, tax and tip. (don't forget to put tax and tip in there, it can bump everything up by a lot in certain cities, chicago has something like 10% tax on catering)

depending on how fancy it's going to be, there are options for the equipment. can the restaurant even provide chafing dishes and serving spoons? if so, great. you might find it's cheapest to buy plates and cups and stuff, either mix and match at thrift stores if your wedding is fun, or funky or casual, or basic whites from a catering supply shop or ikea. apparently this can actually work out cheaper than hiring, and then you either have massive amounts of china or can try to sell it on ebay yourself to try to recoup some of the difference. same with wine glasses. my mom just had a big bash, and we found her really nice wineglasses at the $1 store. so she's keeping them in the basement, but essentially sees them as semi-disposeable.

basically, even if the costs work out to be the same, you should have food that you're completely excited to be eating. if you want, send me an email (this one works) with something like ILX wedding in the title, and i can email you back with some specifics for your locations, plus some links online? (i did a LOT of learning when we first got engaged). glad you're feeling better about it!

no way dude you don't want to end up in a financial ruin. :-)

congrats by the way!

no way dude you don't want to end up in a financial ruin. :-)

yeah, i agree. it's cool here and with close friends. i wouldn't go around the wedding saying 'well, the chicken we got only cost $5, which was a %10 savings over the other guy...good one, huh?', although that would be pretty funny...

We ended up using a coordinator who happened to be president of a wedding coodinator organization, meaning she could make practically any vendor slash their prices by upwards of 50% by saying "We could mention you specifically at our next meeting..." It was really, really nice not having to deal with the details of organizing everything and our food/location/drinks were all amazing.

If the Turkish place is that meaningful, I would go for that, but I would strongly recommend having the person who's managing on the day of the wedding step in earlier and manage the run-up logistics as well (you're probably already doing that but it isn't 100% clear from your post).

Ate some food in the caterer's restaurant today and were kind of let down. It's a shame cause they're great people, ultra-professional, sharp, and very amenable to what we want. Their linens, china are all nice, and their estimate is itemized so I can see they're not ridiculously overcharging us for anything. But the food was just a bit of a disappointment.

We're checking out one other caterer who's a little cheaper and less formal. It's still not an easy call. We're kind of stuck doing a lot of the planning ourselves (parents are far away and busy) and it's definitely stressful.

Ha, I keed.

If anyone actually does need any wedding tips, I now feel qualified to give advice.

i'm married myself
i'm very happy together

this time it's gonna last FOREVERRRRRRRR

(oh hell, more attractive than me too)

OK TWO MONTHS TO GO!

We have chosen a venue. The food+drink is pretty much sorted (done by the hotel, open bar, buffet w/ some table service). Last night, we think we may have found someone to decorate, does that include flowers?. I think so. We've found a band we'd be happy with, but need to see if they're free. Need to continue making playlist for Ipod-soundtracked portion of reception. We have decided to excise all religion from ceremony (hooray!), so we'll probably equally piss off both sides. Haven't bought (or even looked for) wedding rings. Bought stationary, and made designs, for our homemade invitations; need to get them printed this week, and sent starting next week. Almost there with complete list of addresses of recipients. About half of our bloc of rooms held at the hotel have been booked, we need to keep on the ones who haven't booked yet. Most people have booked their flights, except for the Brits, who are just starting to. We should probably book our flights. Wedding dress bought, now at the special cleaners who know how to treat a wedding dress. My suit also bought, need to take it in to the tailors THIS WEEK. Need to buy shirt, tie, shoes. Need to book Montenegrin officials for ceremony. Need to translate whatever it is the officials say from Montenegrin to English so my side actually understands what's going on. Need to come up with some sort of 'double-act' speech. Wedding cake gets left until September, I think. Are we gonna have readings? Need to organize transport for people flying into Dubrovnik. Need to find private accomodations for guests who don't (or can't) stay at the hotel. Still need to find a photographer. I think we've decided against a videographer. Goody bags or some shit?

I think that's about it, at the moment.

(Not mentioning, of course, the PhD that I should probably finish beforehand.)

It'll either be a hell of a honeyroom or you'll be catatonic the whole time.

Honeymoon delayed indefinitely :(

I'm kind of glad we didn't take the honeymoon immediately after the wedding (we did a weekend trip). I think I have a serious aversion to custom and ritual, and the whole idea of a honeymoon felt extremely forced, whereas taking a trip six months or so later felt very good.

That's good to hear. There's just no way possible for us to go on a honeymoon right after--we've both gotta get back to London to teach the week after the wedding. It'll probably be next summer; I'm hoping it'll still be a very special thing, and not just, you know, a vacation.

dude, what's up with Montenegro?! is that where you "found" your wife?

Not nice, Tracer, not nice. She is "from" Montenegro, but I "found" her right here in London.

my wife (who is foreign)

That's okay, Goob, Tracer's wife "found" him in New York.

He was being kept at the "LOST: Eligible Bachelors" pound.

Good luck, dude. I have a year to figure this business out, which I'm sort of dreading (re: readings, how to to make my mother cry, etc.).

Molly, in my experience, making your mother cry will take no effort whatsoever. I can do it even without a wedding! ;)

She's already cried once, when it was announced it wasn't going to be happening in the Catholic church. Other than that minor bump, she's been excessively cool. Let's hope it stays that way.

Wedding cake gets left until September, I think.

fyi, this is a bad idea unless you're just getting a generic store-bought cake or you are making it yourself.

When is a good time to talk cake with a prospective baker? Same goes for flowers.

Skip the goodie bags - one less thing to worry about and only halfwits care about receiving one.

Shopping for a wedding cake is fun, too. A lot of places will feed you samples. (I hope I'm remembering that correctly; I got married an eon ago.)

xpost to Molly - I think my Mom is still slightly unhappy that we didn't get married in a church at all... and yet she will talk about what a great wedding it was, too. She'll be over the Catholic church thing by the wedding day, hopefully. I think my Mom cried during the ceremony (probably) and also when we had a photo taken of the two of us.

i'd recommend three or four months in advance? i met with mine about four months in advance. if you push it past then, people start getting booked up. they can only do so many cakes in one day, so the earlier you do it, the better chance you get the best baker in your price range. the food and drink is like super super super important including the cake (more ppl pig out on the dessert portion than you think! you won't eat a damn bit of it besides the bit you have to eat for the photographer though) so i kind of made sure that was all taken care of like kind of before i even finished up buying a wedding dress (lol kind of procrastinated, i didn't book a place until 4.5 months prior to date).

you can totally get awesome stuff done later than like 3 mos in, it just reduces the stress of it and increases your options. waiting til the v last minute is going to guarantee it will either be expensive or you will be refused at the door if you think you're going to get a personalized cake though :\

xpost sara otm re: samples!! you get to eat hundreds of tiny cakes :D

also, LUNA OTM BACK A LONG TIME AGO: YEAR OLD CAKE IS NASTY.

Father-in-law was totally skeptical and worried about all of our wedding plans and wound up being totally awestruck by how nice everything turned out. i.e. your parents and future in-laws are going even more out of their minds than you are right now and don't listen to them too much.

Awesome! Thanks. I really have no idea what I'm doing. The wedding isn't happening in the city we currently live in, so I may have to rely on friends and family for their advice, or lots of trips back up to Buffalo.

Email was just sent to former professional baker friend for her advice on wedding cakes.

The moms already got one big wedding out of her system, so she's seems fairly open to low-key affair. She was actually really excited about having the reception at a brewery! Yay, Mom!

Wedding cake gets left until September, I think.

fyi, this is a bad idea unless you're just getting a generic store-bought cake or you are making it yourself.

Montenegro-time works a lot differently (aka, my fiancee's brother got married like a month and a half after he got engaged).

My cousin and his wife had little fairy cakes instead of a wedding cake at their wedding. I thought it was very sweet, except for the pink and blue icing on everything that kind of made it look like a joint christening rather than a wedding.

oh i didn't understand you were getting married IN montenegro, i thought you were importing montenegran officiants. n/m then, i don't know anything about modern montenegro and its cakeries.

Nor do I really; I am a)taking my fiancee's word for this, and b)not really caring about what kind of cake we get. It'll be a cake, we'll eat it and then get back to the drinking/dancing/grinning from ear to ear.

well excuse me, i'll keep my mouth shut.

No, please don't! I actually do care about the cake, I'm just fighting against wedding-planning-insanity by continually telling myself that what's important is not the million little things we've got to arrange, but just the great big party itself, with all of our loved ones there. Of course it is fun to bitch about those million little things.

I'm off to print invitations.

I totally believe in invitations and printed ephemera being more important than cake that is mostly a formality and probably no one will remember anyway. (Allz, I actually remember the food at yours being great, but I couldn't tell you SPIT about the cake! Now I think I was prob too busy smoking to have any....)

cake sux; get PIE

ONE GIANT PIE.

Skip the goodie bags - one less thing to worry about and only halfwits care about receiving one.

Our only idea for this is to make a v v special mix cd for all of our guests, but I'm guessing that this is one element that will get lost in the shuffle and ok that's fine.

That's not a terrible idea, but yeah, I'd leave it for last.

don't freak out about procrastinating everything. because we ended up moving to the US 2 weeks before the wedding (what the hell were we thinking?!), lots of stuff got postponed until really the last minute, but turned out ok. make sure you have a place to get married, a person to do it and some food, and everything else will fall into place.

we did all the playlists, rented sound equipment, shopped for booze, wrote the whole ceremony, wrote speeches, bought parents presents, bought film and props for the polaroid guestbook, bought the actual guestbook, planned and shopped for the dayafter brunch, and arranged the welcome pizza party all about 4 days out from the wedding. oh, and i got my flowers on the thursday when the wedding was on saturday. i'd spend hours online trying to find something i liked at a reasonable price, to no avail. walked into local jewel (grocery store) and the lady did all the flowers exactly how i wanted for $115. i love ginger at the broadway jewel. plus we were trying to furnish our brand new unfurnished apartment AND his parents arrived from france a week early, so we spent time with them. it was insane, but i think it came off well.

we also decided to postpone our honeymoon, but when we'd spent the week after doing horrible things like filling out dozens of insurance forms for the new job, we took off on a roadtrip. so i'd say that even if you can do a day or two off in a hotel somewhere, it might break up the craziness and let you get back to normal. where i am today, with a goal of writing all the 'thank you's' and emailing people since i haven't really in a month.

I have a friend who is a printer, so I'm hoping to get some stellar invitations from him.

I love to bake pies, but I think it would be a huge ordeal if I decided to do that. I don't trust other family members to make them, as they don't make their own crusts.

Yeah, Molls, I've thought it would good to just ask a bunch of people to bring different desserts -- like, the one person you know makes the best apple filling, pls to bring three pies or something like that, ditto finding someone to make a couple of normal German chocolate cakes, a spice version, big satisfying molasses cookies, etc etc -- each to their own specialty. Or try bakeries and order one or two from each, whatever's best, so you're not tied to one place. NB: I dunno how this works out financially if you have to go all-commercial, but I've always liked the idea!

That would be great, definitely. I'd just worry about having the right amounts when all is said and done.

My mom and aunt have already volunteered to make sizable amounts of cookies for post-dinner festivities, but the reception place says they provide lots of desserts, so cookies may not be necessary. However, my Aunt Priscilla is an AMAZING baker, and I would be sad if her cookies and treats weren't involved.

DO NOT TRY TO MAKE YOUR OWN WEDDING CAKE, TRUST ME. Just in case anyone was going to.

Screw the cake, then!

I mean, dinner is one thing, it helps with the booze, but by the time dessert is served quite frankly we should all be dancing anyway.

Ahaha the non-drinkers/dancers at my wedding are totally getting screwed.

In all honesty, I don't really like cake all that much, but my tiny Polish grandmother won't be out there dancing. She'll enjoy a good piece of cake, though, to help her get over the shock of it not being a "church" wedding.

my wife is French, so instead of cake we had CHEESE! (which the venue (a pub) tried to steal half of, unsuccessfully)

also, bourbon balls - my dad's recipe

molly if your aunt is an amazing baker and you want to get her involved, you should! it'll be cooler than some cake some random person made.

HOORAY we "designed" and printed our invitations ourselves and WE I DIDN'T FUCK IT UP and they look super-nice!

Show us! If you'd like.

molly if your aunt is an amazing baker and you want to get her involved, you should! it'll be cooler than some cake some random person made

My long-ago wedding involved cakes made by my then husband's Aunt. They were magnificent: delicious and beautiful. It was her wedding gift to us and greatly appreciated.

Tracer, yeah! I'm thinking a tiered platter of delicious cookies and sweets.

xxpost I can't exactly, 'cause we didn't really 'design' the whole thing, so I'd have to take a picture of it, etc., and I'm lazy.

We found really nice stationary cards, for surprisingly cheap, then I designed the text in photoshop and we got that printed on the cards. It's not that it was that complicated. I'm just really surprised at how painless it was for the quality of the return--they're easily as good or better than 'proper' invitations we would have had to have ordered like 3 months ago and paid 3 times as much for.

GOOblar,

Firstly congratulations to both of you on your engagement and best of the luck for the all arrangements. I got married in Montenegro 2 months ago and it wasn’t very easy to put together the whole thing.

I had many guests from abroad as well as from Montenegro, I arranged their accommodations, we had rehearsal dinner, some post-wedding events keep them entertained (not easy to have overseas guests, one must make sure they all are ok and enjoy it!). It worth all hard work at the end, they are still talking about it and they say one of the best weddings they been to.

We had our wedding cake got baked here, although I generally find their cakes so rich (unless lots of cream and nuts is your taste) everyone seemed to enjoy it. My suggestion would be get your cake baked here.

It is by law you must take an official interpreter at your ceremony so this sort outs your problem with guests understanding what is going on

Most of the Montenegrins are very laid-back and don’t like to work so hard; be very clear for what you want, make sure they absolutely understand what you said and they can/will do it.

Make sure they are reliable. (this goes to all vendors and supplier you use on your wedding) I guess your fiancé’s relatives and friends can check that. A close friend had a cancellation 1 week before their wedding from the hotel they booked months in advance. It was a total mess, luckily managed to get another venue for their wedding reception.

There isn't much variety of products and services here (yet) so finding a good photographer and florist might be a little problem. (I had two photographers on my wedding to ensure I had some good pictures. If you have seen most of their work, trust me you would have done the same.) I supplied plenty of pictures, explained them the concept and what I wanted. The weddings are here very different; they have their own way of doing things, most don’t even send invitations out!?

Tell me where are you getting married (town/venue), how many guests do you have?

Hannah