defend the indefensible: men who piss on toilet seats

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why do they do it? and can they be stopped?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

They can be stopped by killing them.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

DIE TOILETS DIE!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

Alex is completely pwning me today.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

I was once tempted to punish an offender who blatantly did this with the stall open (standing up, obv.) by grabbing him by the collar and thrusting his face within inches of the toilet seat and screaming "DRINK, FOUL HERETIC, FOR YOUR REPENTANCE! LET THY SUSTENANCE BE THAT BY WHICH YOU HAVE SINNED!" But I didn't.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 20 June 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

You've let the side down, Curtis.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:31 (twenty years ago)

He probably wanted you to do that.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

I know, he was practically begging me, esp. after he wiped off on my jeans

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 20 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

(okay, maybe that isn't true.)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 20 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

explain the inexplicable: WOMEN who piss on toilet seats. ok, i understand once the seat is all pissy you don't want to sit on it, but what about the first woman who pisses all over a pristine seat? WTF is your problem? fuck off and go in the men's.

― emsk, Monday, 20 June 2005 22:24 (twenty years ago)

Seriously, how much effort does it take to kick the toilet seat into the "up" position? Do these people have gimpy legs? Maybe they're really drunk and think it's some sort of target shooting challenge.

― mike h. (mike h.), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:13 (twenty years ago)

i pee on the seat to dissuade people from puking on it

― Sara Sherr, Blogger and Stereolab Fan (ex machina), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

You don't like it go outside/at home.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

Oh is this at work? That's different. Find out who they are and get them fired. For pissing on tolietseats.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

I often wonder, who are these people who befoul public toilets? There seems to be millions of them, all over the world. I hope they're not my friends. I don't really want to be friends with anyone who'd wipe their menstrual blood on a door handle. It seems avoidable.

― estela (estela), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:44 (twenty years ago)

Well, a guy I used to work with once told me about this woman he knew who liked to make messes in public toilets and also to do things like stuff dirty napkins way down in her water glasses at restaurants, because she claimed she loved thinking of someone having to clean up after her, or the waiter having to pull her soiled napkin out of the glass with his hand. From what I'm told, this is not uncommon.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:52 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure it's not at all uncommon, given some of the sights I've seen. I just hope I don't unwittingly befriend the perps.

― estela the fusspot (estela), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:58 (twenty years ago)

I don't think you have to worry about that, as you will likely recognize immediately that they are scum.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

It is kinda easy to erm... dribble on the loo seat as a woman, if you think of the logistics of it (or err... not).

The polite thing to do tho is WIPE THE SEAT AFTERWARDS GEEZ.

When I was in high school they had to have a girls only hygiene session day thing, because apparently someone was sticking used, unwrapped up pads to the walls inside cubicles of the loos.

I did not set foot in the toilets at my high school once in the seven years I went there. It was filthy and terrified me.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 01:06 (twenty years ago)

There is no defense for this. But I do wonder why we don't have step-pedal toilet seats yet. How hard can this be to design? I think a lot more guys would raise the seat if you just had to step on a pedal.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 01:34 (twenty years ago)

Trayce has given me a PTSD flashback with that 'used sanitary pad stuck to the wall' story. I'm huddled under a blanket, shaking and crying, with my laptop and a cheap torch clamped in my teeth (because I couldn't afford a powerbook). Horrible high school loolitas.

― estela (estela), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

gypsy thats such an amazingly obvious idea, OMG. Why hasn't it been done? SOMEONE INVENT THIS.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 03:02 (twenty years ago)

I think I've seen a foot-switch flush before. It was one of those things that didn't really register at the time, except in a very vague "huh, that's a good idea" way.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 03:07 (twenty years ago)

Any guy who says he hasn’t pissed on a loo seat is I liar; we’ve all done it.
It happens from time to time, especially when you have one of them seats that won’t stay up.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 08:48 (twenty years ago)

All you have to do is wipe it up after if you splash the rim, easy.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 08:49 (twenty years ago)

i pissed in a fridge once. that takes talent.

― jaygeeneus, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:21 (twenty years ago)

My friend recently told me she was on a National Express coach and she went to the toilet and it was really bumpy so she decided to kind of hover above the toilet seat. This was all well and good until she realised that ALL of the seats were down and she pissed on the top plastic covering bit.

She didnt clean it up either.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:26 (twenty years ago)

women do this too. my grandmother sometimes leaves her shit on the toilet seat and on the floor. shes 90, admittedly, but even so...

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)

loolitas!

― g e o f f (gcannon), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:28 (twenty years ago)

toilets should all be like they used to be in diamaru before diamaru closed, ie. large circular seat entirely coated in revolving plastic toilet seat cover! you press the button before going, entire cover revolves fwd to reveal virgin unused plastic, use at leisure in knowledge that not even invisible things have befouled it! far superior to manual toilet seat covers that ppl may or may not use and that may shift during the process.

― dj, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 10:08 (twenty years ago)

gypsy thats such an amazingly obvious idea, OMG. Why hasn't it been done?

Those things always break. Especially if you put them in public areas, where people try to break them.

I too remember the revolving loo seat from somewhere. It's aces.

It's all very well and good to complain about ladies weeing on the seat, but what the hell are you meant to do if there's no toilet paper (which there never is, for reasons Nicholson Baker outlines very well in one of his tiny books)? Wipe it with your sleeve?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 11:57 (twenty years ago)

women do this too. my grandmother sometimes leaves her shit on the toilet seat and on the floor. shes 90, admittedly, but even so...

nice!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

one time in a drunken episode at a party i pissed all over the toilet paper roll in the womens bathroom. they were not pleased.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

trayce surely it is only easy to dribble on seat if you are in hover-position, and is totally unnecessary to adopt hover position if seat is pristine? how do you dribble if you're sitting? aaargh i don't understand! (i suspect i don't want to understand)

― emsk, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 15:59 (twenty years ago)

I know a girl who in college was fast asleep in her bed, unsuspecting, when her roommate's boyfriend in a drunken fury pissed all over her. Beat THAT!

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

I also know a guy who in a separate incident of drunken fury pissed all over his dog.

When I was about 15 and drunk at a friend's house I couldn't find a) the bathroom b) a lightswitch or c) a door, so I did the only thing I could think of which was piss all over who-knows-what. Thankfully nobody noticed it in the morning.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

The less I think about the miscreant and errant piss streams of yesteryear, the better.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Why is no one defending the men who piss on toilet seats? READ THE THREAD TITLE.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Men who piss on toilet seats: at least they're not taking a dump, pulling it from the bowl, and smearing it all over the walls, effectively shutting down the only boys bathroom on that end of T4tes Cr33k H1gh Sch00l for the rest of the afternoon.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

If you just pee in the sink, you'll never get in trouble.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:46 (twenty years ago)

Unless you forgot to do the dishes again, of course.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:47 (twenty years ago)

Peeing in the sink is almost as cool as peeing in trashcans.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

What I'd really like to know is how rogue pubes get up on the back of the toilet bowel. Like, who the hell rubs their crotches on the back of the jax? Unless there's some kind of mad pube alopecia going on but it would have to be affecting a significant amount of the population to explain the crops I've come across.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

Erm, in a manner of speaking.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

Except if it's an empty metal trashcan, nicalizioso. That rattling, rain-on-a-tin-roof sound combined with the pleasure of relieving onself makes for a superlative urinary experience, far greater than any mere sink can provide.

xxpost

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

crops!!!

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, like a crop of pubes!

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Back hairs that shed off?

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

I like the way Penelope made her post more troubling through the deft use of misspelling.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

hurr hurr.

by the way, I am so pleased to have found a sincere use for the "urine" category.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 22:19 (twenty years ago)

wild. i experienced this today at work and was totally disgusted/enraged. sat right down into a puddle of urine. and now here's this thread.

my situation, though, has to do with the fact that the men's room at my work is non-functional right now so everyone has to share the the women's bathroom. so i'm not sure if men or women are the culprit here. but the women i work with continually complain that the seats are covered with urine in the women's room. they blame it on the fact that a lot of women are really germaphobic and just hover over the seat, causing their urine to spray everywhere. which is lovely.

as per guys pissing on seats, most guys understand that sitting down on a men's room public toilet is a very hit or miss choice to make. i've pissed on a few myself, i won't lie.

p.s. what is everyone's take on those plastic seat cover things that some bathrooms have? does anyone use them? i rarely do, but should probably start.

― Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe (Plastic Gas Booby Trap), Wednesday, 22 June 2005 01:36 (twenty years ago)

Um, it is possible as a woman to drip on the seat even sitting on it - its not when youre sitting, its after youre done and you get up! If you havent wiped properly, I guess. In a rush/drunk/etc.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 June 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

right, i understand that. but this was like an all-over kind of effect. i'm really sort of amazed by how much ground was actually covered.

― Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe (Plastic Gas Booby Trap), Wednesday, 22 June 2005 01:43 (twenty years ago)

Thatd have to be a guy's doing ;P

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 June 2005 01:59 (twenty years ago)

wild. i experienced this today at work and was totally disgusted/enraged. sat right down into a puddle of urine. and now here's this thread.

haha I love the thought of someone walking into a urinal and suddenly overcome with fury and a descending hellstorm of rage!

― Mickey (modestmickey), Wednesday, 22 June 2005 02:52 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

this round-robin email just came round my office robin:

Dear All

Further to *****'s announcement the other day about the use of the 2nd floor toilet, could I please re-iterate the point that we all have to use this facility and although I shouldn't really need to say this, it is just common courtesy to keep the toilet in a clean and hygienic state for others to use.

Now this morning, ******* spotted some extremely unsightly 'faeces' that had evidently been smeared on the toilet seat. We are all adults and should be able to use the toilet in a civilised manner, which includes cleaning up after yourself once you have finished. No-one should expect any other member of staff to clean up after their 'mess'. However, ****** has VERY kindly cleaned up the mess that was left on the toilet seat, so that it is now fit for use. I would like to extend my extreme thanks to ****** for doing this, although at the same time I am very embarassed that she felt she had to clean up after someone in this office.

So please, please, please could we all take this matter on board and just consider others when using the toilet.

Thanks guys

*****-****

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 28 September 2005 10:41 (twenty years ago)

'faeces'!

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 10:58 (twenty years ago)

she didn't mention the 'blood', interestingly.

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 28 September 2005 10:59 (twenty years ago)

I thought I'd told this story in this thread... I used to work at a Passport office, and of course people of all walks of life had to come into our office, and many used our facilities.

We started to find shoe and boot-prints ON THE SEAT, on either side. We suspected some people used to the floor squat kind of loos were um, doing the same by hauling up and squatting onto the seat rim. Why you'd bother I cant even fathom. Would you not fall off!?

Of course, the idiots I worked with immediately were all "goddamn dirty asians urgh get them away from our loos" and insisted they be locked. Racist wankers.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 11:05 (twenty years ago)

UPDATE:

Hi Guys

Thanx for your emails.

I'm always cleaning up at home and I like my home to be pristine.....and sometimes my family think I too fussy........so as you can imagine...I couldn't leave it there.

I didn't really have a pleasant lunch....just couldn't shake this from my mind and felt like throwing up.

So I hope this is the last time this happens.

kind regards

******

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

well it's either the bottom of your shoes that touches all the wee, or your thighs that do! think about it!!!! eew.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

Blech. I don't care HOW much I like things clean, I would NEVER clean up someone else's shit (even the non-literal sort) at work. Is there just the one toilet NRQ?

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

there are two toilets, ie actual toliets, not rooms, pas de urinals, for two floors = 20-something people.

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:36 (twenty years ago)

I think public bathrooms should have a special hole-in-the-floor booth for the squatters. And a bulletin board with push-pins for pads and tampons.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

That's the worst idea for disposing of pads/tampons that I've ever read.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

Oh come on, Dan. Cutting edge decor!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

Um, in public restrooms/lavatories, we piss into urinals, right? At home, a man lifts the toilet lid as a courtesy to his wife/gf/s.o. (Unless you live alone, in which case, what the fuck does it matter ((except that, in modified Schmidt fashion, you still usually do as you've been trained))?) On occasions when all urinals are in use, I have virtually always, on entering a stall to pee, found the seat already befouled. Shall I lift the seat or simply add my piss stains to the piss stains already there?

Finally, here is the ugly truth, confirmed by experts: surrounding the main, visible piss stream there is often, at some point, a secondary faint dispersal spray with a variable diameter of maybe half a meter, and a tertiary aerosolized penumbra (rather like that of a sneeze) that can go damn near anywhere.

― M. V. (M.V.), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

So if you live alone you piss all over the seat at home??? Hmm.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

Very interesting observation, COLONEL POO.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

"(Unless you live alone, in which case, what the fuck does it matter)"

Keeps the dogs from drinking toilet water, for one thing. Keeps dropped items from falling in the toilet for another.

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

more interesting observations

If you were really rich, would you have a urinal installed in your home bathroom?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

My concern is more over toilet paper habits. Usually those who have a difficult time flushing are the one's who treat the toilet paper roll like cats, batting at the thing with their claws non-stop until there's a mountain, then dropping it into the bowel.

Fold people, fold.

― Toilet Painter, Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

at the urinals here at work someone who works in this building is very fond of piling their pubes up on top of the urinal. every fuckin time i go piss i have to look at the urinals short n curly afro.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

Okay I swear to God both of those posts appear almost verbatim on another ILE thread.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

i think your right.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

its like "LOST: THE TOILET SEASON"

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

do people really bat their cats with their claws?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:17 (twenty years ago)

AND THEN INSERT THEM INTO THEIR BOWELS??1

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

People who hover or enthrone their arses on half a roll of toilet paper because of 'germs' are VERY annoying because a) HOW NEUROTIC and b) more mess and waste created than by those of us who don't make an issue out of our own elimination methods.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 15:47 (twenty years ago)

Suzy OTM. Why get all upset about maybe getting a tiny bit of piss or poo on your leg? Your insides are FULL OF SHIT. You CARRY IT AROUND WITH YOU ALL DAY. You're already disgusting. So get over it.

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

Poo in my colon is not on my leg, Jim. Remind me to stand downwind of you on humid days.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:01 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I'm w/ Suz. Frankly the bathrooms at work are probably cleaner than mine at home, considering the fixtures are washed down by janitors every night and mopped on the wkends.

Plus, urine mostly = amonia, if I remember correctly, so the seat is possibly cleaner after being sprayed & wiped off.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:04 (twenty years ago)

Heh, well I'm not suggesting you then don't bother to wipe it off again. But you wipe your own shit off your arse when you finish, what difference does it really make if there's some bits of somebody else's there too? I mean, the standard response seems to be "eew, germs!". But guess what, your own shit is full of germs too.

(xpost)

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:04 (twenty years ago)

I think the massive problem with the "what's the big deal? It's just poo" argument is the poo.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

there is also a bit of a diff between your own waste and someone elses

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:07 (twenty years ago)

you have more germs in your mouth than in your arse.

― emsk ( emsk), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:08 (twenty years ago)

It's not like you're loitering around restrooms offering to wipe other people's asses!

...Right???

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:09 (twenty years ago)

Well, no. I have wiped other people's arses before though. It really isn't so bad.

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:12 (twenty years ago)

...

Okay, chasm of personal experience here.

― The Ghost of ADULTS?????? (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

C/D: The Wipers

― PappaWheelie B.C., Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

You know. Old people. Disabled people. Babies.

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

Okay, there's a gigantic amount of difference between helping someone who can't wipe themselves and nonchalantly sitting in a puddle of piss.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:17 (twenty years ago)

Roffle, Dan, I don't nonchalantly sit in a puddle of piss! But, you know, I don't go crazy and put three layers of paper between me and the sheet before sitting on it either. If it's got drips, I'll give it a wipe, then sit down. Yes, if I'm careless I might get a bit of somebody else's wee ON MY HAND OMG. But I'm going to wash my hands soon as I'm done anyway.

So wrt the thread question, well, I can't actually defend people who make the mess in the first place, cos yeah, there's no need. But once they have done, it's not such a big deal to clean up again. So I guess I'm arguing that it's just not so indefensible in the first place.

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:22 (twenty years ago)

I too was talking about the weird hygiene-obsessed fuckers who insist on the pillow of Downy when your loo or the company loo is a clean seat. Often the same person will be one of those ruthless recyclers of every other kind of paper you can think of (EXCEPT TAMPON TUBES, Perry).

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

Oh, I hate the gigantic pillow too... unless you happen to be in THE WORLD'S WORST BATHROOM (usually at a rest stop or a gas station), in which case my preferred method would be to drill a hole in a phone book and sit on that.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:27 (twenty years ago)

sometimes I like to chew up a phone book and use thew resulting paste between two intact phone books.

― ~~~~ DODONGO DISLIKES SMOKE ~~~~ (ex machina), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:40 (twenty years ago)

JimD is right about the wiping of the seat - no big deal. Doesn't really happen here at work and I'm just used to it everywhere else. The thing that kinda bugs me is when guys take a poo and don't wipe their asslint off, especially here at work. That seems more embarrassing. I hope no one revives the piss in the sink thread.

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

'the resulting paste' in this context is a little more revolting than usual

― jimmy glass (electricsound), Thursday, 29 September 2005 06:17 (twenty years ago)

I did not set foot in the toilets at my high school once in the seven years I went there. It was filthy and terrified me.

I'm not the only person who would never go in the horrible school toilets! Hurrah!

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 29 September 2005 06:52 (twenty years ago)

*And what is it with people who leave like only ONE or TWO sheets of toilet paper on the roll?* Burn them. Not that I'm a nazi or anything. Getting back to the thread question; men who piss on toilet seats should be burnt too. Filthy, filthy beasts. AND I am also a very very accurate hoverer so we germaphobe obsessive compulsives are not ALL bad, although some of us may be a teeny bit *disturbed*.

― salexander (salexander), Thursday, 29 September 2005 07:19 (twenty years ago)

EXCEPT TAMPON TUBES

What the hell is a 'tampon tube'?

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 29 September 2005 07:54 (twenty years ago)

A mode of transport for getting the painters in to work.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 29 September 2005 08:03 (twenty years ago)

oh andrew

― jimmy glass (electricsound), Thursday, 29 September 2005 08:05 (twenty years ago)

tampon tube = tube made of tampons

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

eight months pass...

Hey, I think there is an excellent solution against that, at least for public places like restaurants, hotels, bars, shopping centers, medical places or even in administrations!!

I'd like to share with you what I personally experienced not a long time ago.... It's a great product, and very effective, especially if a guy lets some urine drops on the toilet ring, or if a girl lets her own drops after squatting over rather than sitting on the seat ring.

The solution is to have (or suggest the restaurant owner or whoever to have) an automated toilet seat protection system as this one installed everywhere and anywhere, so there's no more risk to have to share a commun toilet seat on which could be urine or other dirt (including bacteria!).

I suggest you to have a look at the site of this interesting new product I tried: so again, it is a new type of automated toilet seat. Actually, it works like this: you push on a button, and the plastic sleeve around the toilet seat ring turns from one side to the other, meaning the used portion is disappearing (and destroyed) while a new portion is laid over the toilet ring for you, so you are sure to sit on a perfectly hygienic toilet seat!

I tried it myself. At first, it's a bit strange to sit on a plastic sleeve, but at least you are sure nobody ever sat on it before you!! Isn't that great?

And you no longer have to worry about a previous user who left the toilet seat cover full of human liquids, as the used plastic sleeve is automatically destroyed by the special automatated toilet seat system!!

― InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Sunday, 4 June 2006 18:32 (nineteen years ago)

Actual specific and detailed spam. It's a cut above.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 4 June 2006 18:37 (nineteen years ago)

thanks for logging in!

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Sunday, 4 June 2006 18:37 (nineteen years ago)

Now that's some well-targeted spam. (xpost ARGH)

I can't believe no one called out Mickey for sitting in a urinal!

― Dan (Super ROFFLES) Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 4 June 2006 18:46 (nineteen years ago)

"downloading"

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Sunday, 4 June 2006 20:08 (nineteen years ago)

i hope InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection keeps posting

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 4 June 2006 20:11 (nineteen years ago)

IATSP isn't much of an acronym though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 4 June 2006 20:13 (nineteen years ago)

"yats-pee"

― Dan (O RLY?) Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 4 June 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

we can call him autotoilet for short

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 4 June 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

wonder what's on his ipod

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Sunday, 4 June 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

sorry, "ipod"

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Sunday, 4 June 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

iPeed

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 4 June 2006 21:22 (nineteen years ago)

I really wish there were more unashamed posts on this thread from men who piss on toilet seats.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 4 June 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

then there's pissing on the floor right in front of the toilet...well let's just say it's an "issue" around my house.

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Sunday, 4 June 2006 22:01 (nineteen years ago)

Are people getting on your case about it? Stand up for your urination rights!

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 5 June 2006 09:20 (nineteen years ago)

I got kicked out of a bar for pissing on the walls between the urinals (or so they say; I am not a reliable witness).

Take that, IATSP, you friggin sissy. You're not the boss of me!

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

Regarding the message on top, from "InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection". That was my message, but I put all those words instead of my name in the name field, because I didn't want to put my name. So as I seem to need an identity now, call me "AAA 96" (and don't think those are my initials or age!).

First: Hey, guys, for once, you've got something interesting to read about, and especially a REAL solution, not just gossip.... and I bet many readers never saw such a toilet seat system, so my message should fit well on this page, right? Maybe not for gossip lovers, but in theory, it should.

Second: Sorry for those who consider my previous message as spam. I found that automatic seat so funny and useful that I said "Why not share it?" Anyway, I'm just a user like you. I'm not owning that seat or that company, I'm not affiliated to it either, if that's what you thought. I was just astonished by the system and thought of it when seeing this page.

Third: doesn't anybody want to talk about solutions to this page's topic, or is it just a chat-room for ALL EXCEPT the topic?

So, I apologize for those who felt somehow agressed by my message, but I hope at least one person will have learnt that there actually IS a solution to this page's topic...

People who want to talk about that plastic sleeve system are welcome to drop some constructive lines. I wonder if anybody actually has an opinion on that, and would like to see constructive comments.

Ciao!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 15:19 (nineteen years ago)

I will only respond to future posts if you change your name back to InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:02 (nineteen years ago)

Your kidding, Fluffy ;-))
So, come on, what's frankly your opinion?
Did you already experience such a seat? If yes, do you think it's good?

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:13 (nineteen years ago)

I don't want to sit in filth and piss any more than the next guy, but I really don't think that we as a society need to put our resources into fancy plastic sleeves to keep our asses from ever touching anything that another ass has touched. I think I would rather die of ass-bacteria like a human being than be the sort of person who requires a glorified butt-condom to take a dump outside the home. Half of everyone else on the planet is pooping in holes in the ground -- those of us without open sores on our asses can probably deal with just wiping off any obvious stains and leaving the rest to chance.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:13 (nineteen years ago)

That said, AAA 96, I'm intrigued by your perspective and would like to subscribe to your newsletter, should you produce one.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:14 (nineteen years ago)

This is one of the few spammers/marketers who I don't find offensive and I applaud their target marketing. Good show!

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, nabisco,

Your message makes sense: why use plastic as a protection? Good question. As it doesn't seem to bother you to wipe out another guy's mess and to sit right there, that's fine. Such a seat wouldn't be needed for you. Indeed, if you are not bleeding, you shouldn't have a risk of catching some bad bacteria, right?

I think the plastic is a question of comfort. Those who like it are probably those who prefer to squat rather than sit in usual situations. I don't know about statistics, but I bet at least half the planet squats, if not much more!

Fears, you are right. Useless fears? Maybe. I just like to be sure I am sitting on a "private" place, a bit like at home... because if I knew the previous guy had AIDS or another mess, hey, be sure I'd never sit!!!

I am confident to sit on a toilet ring in a hotel, as their hygiene services must be very strict, but not in a restaurant.

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:26 (nineteen years ago)

Courtney Gidts,
Interesting comment - I just wanted to illustrate this whole discussion when I spoke of the seat. I wasn't realizing that I was doing marketing, but if you say so, hey... that's great! I must contact the seat company to pay me for it!! ....sweet dreams.....

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:30 (nineteen years ago)

Nabisco, do people with "hand sanitizer" bug you as much as they bug me?

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

The quick-dry crumble-off kind? That stuff is kind of cool just for its weird state-changing qualities, but yeah, I kind of resent folks who think their hands need to be anti-bacterialized every thirty minutes. Just put them in bubbles, already. All that hand-scrubbing saves them maybe like three sneezes a year, while at the same time breeding new resistant germs, weakening their own immune systems through ridiculous coddling, and making them look like gigantic assholes who think they're too fucking special to live in the same carbon-based world as the rest of us. No, I would not mind seeing these people dogpiled by sweaty indigenous folk from Papua New Guinea; it will be good for them.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:40 (nineteen years ago)

I'd really like to talk to InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection about dynamic hygene solutions, but I guess InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection is done posting on this board.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:42 (nineteen years ago)

Let's not forget that neurotic sanitizing actually screws over your immune system's ability to fight off infection.

― Dan (Yay Germs) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

That draws to the mythic question: TO WASH OR NOT TO WASH (hands after going to the toilet).

Hand sanitizer or soap, that's almost the same, right?
I'm looking forward to read nabisco's answer to this too.

So, imagine Courtney, a guy shaking the hand of another guy who went to the toilet and didn't wash hands.... It happens VERY often! I saw some statistics showing many people actually do not wash hands.... It's better not to know it!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:44 (nineteen years ago)

You don't need to wash afterwards if you can master the ability of not peeing on your own hands. Of course I do wash, though. BEFORE.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

MOUTHS HAVE MORE GERMS THAN PENISES. (URINE IS STERILE)
PEOPLE SHAKE HANDS AFTER LUNCH
GROSS

xpost

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:47 (nineteen years ago)

Now, if only we could master the ability of peeing on other people's hands.

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

Dan, could you ask Courtney to tell Nabisco to tell AAA 96 that I would like to talk to InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection?

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

Great answer, Tracey!!
However, are you sure the guy you are shaking hands with didn't pee on them?? A little drop is enough... to go on your skin.

I think personal hygiene is not the problem on this question. You are right, it's rather the risk of getting a drop on the hands that could be a problem - for others!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:50 (nineteen years ago)

And, Fluffy, you know I now have an identity... But you can call me IATSP or whatever you wish - just add AAA 96 to the name you give...

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:52 (nineteen years ago)

A little drop is enough... to go on your skin.

I can't remember which hand lotion it was that used the "A little dab'll do ya!" tagline but I'm never using it again.

― Dan (Smooth Like Urea) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

Brillcream.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:57 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.shenet.se/zbilder/recept/harpomada.brylcreem.jpg

I'm pretty sure that translates as "A little drop is enough... to go on your skin."

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET

― and what (ooo), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brylcreem

"Cary Grant with pissed-in hair"

― Dan (EW) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

OK listen. You guys wanna sit around pissing on other people's hands and squirting sanitizer on each other, that's your business. But do not--I repeat, do NOT--try to besmirch Cary Grant in your shenanigans.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)

BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU!(xpost)

I sure do wish my friend InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection would rejoin the discussion.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:04 (nineteen years ago)

Cary Grant is the original orange tan slut

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:13 (nineteen years ago)

ho snap

― SQUARECOATS (plsmith), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:14 (nineteen years ago)

Say what you want about his skin tone, Cary Grant was not a man to piss on a toilet seat, I'm certain of it.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:15 (nineteen years ago)

I doubt he was the kind of guy who demanded saran wrap for his "sessions," either. BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE'S DEAD.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:16 (nineteen years ago)

Why would he need saran wrap, or hand sanitizers? He was a man who knew how to piss!

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:32 (nineteen years ago)

1. Wrap hands in Saran Wrap.
2. Apply hand sanitizer to glans.

etc etc

― Dan (Modern Education In A Nutshell) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think Cary Grant was very close with Howard Hughes, though.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:35 (nineteen years ago)

if you fear germs
upon the seat
or even on
your man-meat
LYSOL DOUCHE

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:37 (nineteen years ago)

1. Wrap hands in Saran Wrap.
2. Apply hand sanitizer to glans.

etc etc

That just sounds painful.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

Painfully addictive, you mean.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/2a/93/456020-music-resized200.JPG

― Dan (So Contagious) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

http://musicweb.cz/data/1408/nivea-complicated.jpg

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:06 (nineteen years ago)

Why not just pour alchohol on ductape and ride the pleasure train all the way to urgent care town?

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:06 (nineteen years ago)

No one said peeing was supposed to be fun!

― Dan (Kids Today) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:06 (nineteen years ago)

HAHAHA! Healthy living:

http://static.flickr.com/76/161061819_e99a60be7f.jpg?v=0

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:09 (nineteen years ago)

because if I knew the previous guy had AIDS or another mess, hey, be sure I'd never sit!!!

science suggests that you are unlikely to catch AIDS from a toilet seat. maybe if both you and the other person had open running sores on your butt cheeks and both sat on the seat shor(rather than pissing on it) shortly after each other, then maybe.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:14 (nineteen years ago)

HIV dies on contact with the air. I think they would actually have to be sitting on the seat together, at the same time.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

I'm sorry. That's not the direction I wanted to take things.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

OK OK, but if the entire stall was coated with steaming pools of fresh blood, you wouldn't kick InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection System out of bed for eating crackers.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

HIV dies on contact with the air. I think they would actually have to be sitting on the seat together, at the same time.

suppose they were - and suppose someone had pissed on the toilet seat. Would the amazing antiseptic powers of urine save them?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

I now have an image of Cary Grant and what-I-imagine-Toilet-Spammer-to-look-like rubbing butt cheeks in a stall ;_;

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

A gay porn whose time has come.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:24 (nineteen years ago)

Puntastic!

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:26 (nineteen years ago)

It's flying deep low again...

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

Try flushing twice.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:37 (nineteen years ago)

The toilet drains are still blocked with a lot of non-sense... and excess toilet paper!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

Astounding.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

Isn't it??

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

I am commissioning a poem.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

And when you think this whole discussion started on June 20th, 2005...

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

Men who piss on toilet seats: secure or thoughtless?

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:35 (nineteen years ago)

For Your Own Good

Against my hallowed flesh, no trace
of carbon-based molecular taint,
no stranger's strange DNA tingling
on my nether cheeks, no creatures
creeping into my caverns,
but rather the powder-dry newness of plastic,
slinking and sheeting the world
like the condom of God,
sliding between the clean and unclean
like veils between the bashful bride and her
rough-mannered bridegroom.
My lace-encased purity is a magnet to the soil,
the muck, the many-legged things.
The legions leap to sully me,
vaulting off the seat,
the rim, the pool within.
get behind me, polluters! Defilers!
Befoulers of water-closets,
breeders of vermin,
and rogue inseminators.
Keep your fetid fluids to yourselves,
lest you desiccate from this wanton
broadcasting of invisible spew.
I shall not be the cause
of your self-mummification.
InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection System
Is for your protection, too.

-- Beth Parker (marthasminion...), June 10th, 2006 9:12 AM. (Beth Parker) (link)

Remember, if you or any of your friends work in the hospitality industry, make sure not to mention InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection System. This poem is a private joy to be held close to the cockles (of your heart or of any other appropriate bits); it is not an advert.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Thursday, 15 June 2006 12:06 (nineteen years ago)

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