Liz Dap1yn RIP (a thread for support, thoughts and news)

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I've not really got the words. My heart and thoughts are with Liz's family and with Rob.
-- Al_Ewing (ds...), July 12th, 2005 12:23 AM. (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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Marianna, thank you immensely for the time you've spent with Rob over the last five days. I doubt I could do so for more than an hour, and I'm sure everyone here would agree that you're a complete angel.
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), July 12th, 2005 12:25 AM. (afarrell) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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much sadness, even more love. :(
-- Kim (grimstitc...), July 12th, 2005 12:43 AM. (Kim) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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i wish the greatest strength to rob and liz's family in the coming days, weeks, months, and years.
lest that sound a bit pat: i find it incredibly upsetting just to contemplate such a thing happening-- i mean, literally happening, taking place--to someone i may not know personally, but who i know through posts here. perhaps there's something selfish about this reaction. i don't know. whatever love can be expressed on a post on an internet messaging board, consider it expressed.

-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), July 12th, 2005 12:58 AM. (Amateur(ist)) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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i should add that i wish strength to all of liz's friends who i've interacted with here on ilx.
-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), July 13th, 2005 1:00 AM. (Amateur(ist)) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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godspeed, liz. xxx
-- luna (lunace...), July 13th, 2005 1:42 AM. (luna.c) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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My heart keeps breaking everytime I read this thread or the newspapers and think about how awful this is for everyone.
-- tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemarygilber...), July 13th, 2005 2:22 AM. (rosemary) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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What Amateurist said.
-- k/l (lauter...), July 13th, 2005 2:35 AM. (Ken L) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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I can't think of anything to add. I wish this were a bad dream. My heart goes out, constantly, to Rob and to Liz's family.
-- Rock Hardy (crump...), July 13th, 2005 2:38 AM. (Rock Hardy) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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the day after the bombings, I had a pretty sleepless night. I was tossing and turning and having these dreams, which seem sort of stupid maybe, but they all involved an announcement being made which Liz explained, in some rather charming manner, why she had yet to post and that she was just fine. And each time I'd wake up and check these threads and it wouldn't be the case. I've yet to meet her and don't recall much of our interactions other than some kind birthday wishes she extended me one time, some joshing back and forth, etc. But still, I do feel like I know her and I feel like I'm half-assing it on here these days, because it's at the forefront of my mind.
-- Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (speed.to.roam@gmail.com), July 13th, 2005 2:46 AM. (Gear!) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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dear lord, i have not the words...
-- kingfish (jdsalmo...), July 13th, 2005 2:51 AM. (Kingfish) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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I've had the same sorts of dreams, Gear. I've rushed to the computer every morning since this has happened and refreshed ILE in hopes that the dream came true. Heck, this whole dream scenario has transferred itself over to my waking life, to where my mind is constantly preoccupied with "I wonder"s.
On a purely selfish level, I wish that she had read the last thing I posted to the "Piercing babies' ears" thread, because I didn't want her o feel like I had taken offense by what she had said therein. I think what she had said was just indicative of varying ideas of what "normalcy" is and not at all a slam on the "brown people". I guess these thoughts preoccupy me as well because that's the one time I can remember where I actually directly interacted with her.

This is SO going to be an impetus for me to try to get to know as many people here as I can. So I can actually feel like I know everyone. Anyway. Enough self-centered thinking. My thoughts continue to be with Liz's family and Rob. And Liz too.

-- The Kind and Benevolent Oracle of Dee (newromanti...), July 13th, 2005 3:18 AM. (Dee the Lurker) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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there aren't a lot of words. love to all.
-- juliaaa (j_bdule...), July 13th, 2005 4:44 AM. (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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i never know what to say. my heart goes out to all.
-- Sterling Clover (s.clove...), July 13th, 2005 5:10 AM. (s_clover) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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This is all terrible. Liz and Rob have been in my thoughts as well, but it's not as if that has given me anything better to say than that.
-- Casuistry (chri...), July 13th, 2005 7:05 AM. (Chris Piuma) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

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I wish I could turn the clock back. This sadness is almost unbearable - I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it must be for those of you who were lucky enough to have known Liz personally.
My love to you all.

-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...), July 13th, 2005 7:12 AM. (C J) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

...i hope so. i really really hope so.

News will also be posted here.

Sincere apologies to people who feel starting this thread was premature. I'm happy to discuss it further but it should be on the moderator board - London bombings thread

my thoughts go out to everyone close to liz, and not-so-close, and to all of us, in this terrible century. much love from mpls.

Can we also refrain from "fuck you, you terrorists!" rants/flare-ups as these are not helpful in any context, especially not in the context of this thread. Thank you.

(PS I agree with Marcello)

Rob, you have all of our love, our support, our hope and our best wishes. ::hugs::

the two of you were so always supportive and nice when i was going through tough times with my mum in hospital and after, and i am thinking of you constantly

Thinking of you, and Rob. T x

Rob, I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now. Likewise to Marianna, Ken, Mark and everyone else particularly close to her. If you're reading this, you're in my thoughts.

As with all of you my thoughts are with Liz and Rob and their families and friends and I hope they can take strength from the fact that so many here are thinking of them.

Chris and I discussed this on saturday, we keep getting mini-clips of liz, not in any particular situations, just laughing, pulling faces, holding court giving out baking tips, being amazingly happy walking along with Rob. At the minute it's bittersweet, but in many ways it's good to remember all the good times to put the past few days into perspective.

I can't think of anything to say that dahlin and everyone else hasn't already said, so I just want to send my own love to Liz and Rob and their families and let them know that they're in my thoughts.

Thanks, stencil, for having the guts and skill to voice what a lot of us are thinking and feeling. A lot of us have never met her and only know her from her postings, but it still hurts, so I can only imagine what her friends, family and Rob are going through.

Liz, there are thousands of us still thinking of you. Whatever the outcome you will never be forgotten here.

What a classic flourish.

This sounds utterly silly, but I just keep thinking how out of character it is for her, that she's not the type to go missing. Obv. this has no basis in logic or reason, but it keeps occuring to me.

Rob, and of course Liz's family, I'm thinking about you a lot and you have my love and best wishes.

Thoughts and love to Rob, Liz and her family and friends.

Finding out about her Curoius Orange impression makes me wish the Bath Cheese Shop FAPofcider had happened.

I know I'm not alone in hoping against hope that Liz somehow makes it out of this. My thoughts are with Rob, and with all those who knew her better than me.

This is what I keep thinking too.

Right now, I remember about the pre-NY pub crawl, when we couldn't decide what colour wine to share and ended up getting a bottle each with ruinous consequences. And I remember how welcome she made me feel when I moved to London and hadn't met any of the ILX gang. I had no idea about her Paxo moment either, but it's just terrific. She'll be missed.

My other abiding memory of Liz is of sitting with her and Rob and a few others, in the bar on the pier in Brighton. Terrifying hen party karaoke in one ear, Cha Cha Slide on the telly in the other. Liz was brandishing a horrific garish and somewhat evil looking stuffed toy fish, that I'd won on a stall, waving it around on a stick. Some small children came running up and trying to grab it, she swung the fish in their face, and growled "DON'T TRY IT!" They weren't very scared.

I'm thinking lots about Rob, Liz's family and her friends and hoping they're OK.

http://www.mail-archive.com/sinister@missprint.org/msg01259.html

As if there weren't already enough reasons to despise the Standard.)

It would have been so great to be given the chance to do that again.

My thoughts are with everyone, especially those that know Liz better than I. It is indeed odd that the ES found *that* post, and Mark's comment made me smile. I'd forgotten cheering on Liz doing her DH impression at the Astoria too, until Tag mentioned it...that made me smile too. But I won't blither on.

I know not everyone will be interested by a long shot, and maybe I should have found another thread for this, but I suppose it's part of my way of thinking about what has happened /? to Liz.

Myself and Geoff (we're off Sinister) who I’ve roped in, will be representing the London Buddhist Centre at "an event to demonstrate inter-faith solidarity, a response to the bombings that happened in London last week" tomorrow 6pm at Canada Square, Canary Wharf. I've no idea about how big this is, but it's basically about London communities coming together, and I think has social/political significance ignoring any spiritual overtones if you like...

I'm just going to do a very simple short reading, I can share it here/somewhere if people want.

There is also a gig being planned for Saturday http://www.nme.com/news/113003.htm

Thinking of you all, especially Rob and those supporting him.

Jim x

This is all horrid, and my thoughts with Rob and their families. Now this is making me want to blub, again, so I'm going to stumble off.

xpost: good old Billy.

All the memories I have of Liz are such happy ones, and in my moments of clarity I've been glad of them. The daily emails we used to exchange when we both in shitty jobs... the way she is always the one with glasses, a bottle-opener and some home baking at picnics and FAPs... how happy she was when she and Rob *finally* got it together... and the way they are such an adoring but not sickening couple... decorating fairy cakes together... shivering on Brighton beach with nasty red wine... her demon air hockey skills... crossly taking the ice out of her whisky in The Cricketers in Brighton... her entirely random nuggets of knowledge... her cleverness and wit and evil sarcasm...

and most of all I'm glad that if I am going to have to have a final memory of her, it will be of her and Rob dancing to Tiffany at my wedding reception last Saturday.

I can't seem to stop hoping, though. Rob and Liz, I love you both xxx

All right, probably not that strange.

I remember an afternoon in Clapham (I think it was Clapham at least); me, Jerry the Nip, Mark C, Ally C, Ken C, and Liz and Rob were wandering around looking for a place to eat lunch. Everyone had just spent the night at Mark’s after a night of heavy drinking. We were debating whether to have a pub lunch or go to somewhere classier. Both Liz and Rob chanted in unison: “Pubpubpubpubpubpub!” – I thought then that they would be the perfect couple. My heart goes out to them.

and some might think, 'gear, you're overreacting', but that doesn't take into account that everyone here has a very distinct personality. to see a post from roxy or jon or teeny or liz or amateurist or alex nyc or spencer or allyzay or blount and to think, 'oh of course they'd say that' is to realize you've come to know people on here and you have a certain affection for them and if any one of them were to be snatched away, it would hurt.

i told my father about this and he related a story about how when he and my mother were working at first national bank of chicago in the early '70s, there was a security guard downstairs in the lobby who they always saw standing in one corner. he was there the first two years they were. they never spoke to him, he was always just at his station in the corner, reading the paper, drinking his coffee. one morning he wasn't there, the same morning there was a particularly terrible train accident in chicago. they discovered the next day that this man had been killed in the accident. my father says everyone he knew at the bank, most of whom had never spoken to this very quiet, private fellow, were affected for a long time. he told me that he has never forgotten this man and to this day, whenever business takes him back to first national, he'll look to his corner and remember him fondly.

right now i don't want to not ever meet liz. if i don't have the opportunity to do so, i still think i'll always remember her.

It is just that feeling, as I recall it said from a short story I had read back in middle school, of so much unfairness of things. This world already having been troubled by it since its start, it did not need any more.

My best to all who knew and loved her.

There's no point in me trying to convey my thoughts and feelings when Teeny has already done it so precisely and so wonderfully:

Thank goodness for this thing that can let us make friendships across oceans so easily and for people who make those friendships so easy to enter into. Let us always continue this communication and love and banish all the hate and violence to the past, please let us try.

-- teeny (teen...), July 13th, 2005.

It was a weekend of cakes and picnics and wine and enthusiasm over silly shoes in a little shop in Stoke Newington and four girls in big bath towels giggling over Stevie Jackson's porn star hair in the Jonathan David video. It was, in short, great fun. Liz was a large part of that.

On another thread, a while back, Liz exhorted me to come back to London for nostalgic booze on top of a hill. I keep meaning to, but you always think "oh well, there's always next year". The thought that there isn't is almost too much to bear right now.

To all of you who know and love Liz, my heart goes out to you. To Rob especially, I just don't have the words, but there is a whole lot of love and support and everything else that goes with it.

God bless you Liz. You're one in a million. Whatever happens, I hope you somehow know that you will always be loved and you'll never be forgotten.

xx

Sinister does have a backup archive yes, hosted by mail-archive.org, because the current archive is always under imminent threat of closure - it's a borrowed resource, with hardware that may be about to break. I've made sure my archive isn't indexed by search engines but don't have any control of the other one. I'm of course feeling very guilty now that it exists for use by these people. The person who runs it is nice, but has always been adamant he won't remove posts. I'm wondering if I can get him to scrub the whole of the Sinister archive with much persuasion, but I'm also quite ill now, so my powers of persuasion will be limited. And they're cached in Google anyway, and removing articles from Google's cache takes weeks, never mind archive.org.

If anyone can tell me on or off ILX how hurtful/scummish the articles are that would help. I can of course take the real Sinister archives offline for a bit, and won't hesitate if there is evidence they're using them. I feel really bad if my decision to archive at a second site years ago causes pain.

As to Liz, and those who love her most, I can only say what I said to Sinister - that she was one of earth's kindest inventions. Honey x

Liz and Rob were the first people I met in London besides Ken, and I remember my mind boggling at how perfect they were with each other, both of them as a unit knowing EVERY OBSCURE FACT EVER but not being know-it-all-y about it, just being cordial and kind and gracious and welcoming and darling in every conceivable way. I remember looking at chav clothes with her, her being understatedly hilarious, those killer facial expressions. The four of us played Scrabble that day at the Swimmer (? I think) and played all ILX words (hidere, roffle, excelsior, etc.) and Just Like Honey played on the jukebox. I only hung out with Liz and Rob one day, but when I think about London I miss Ken and then I miss Liz and Rob, right after. They're that great.

I recall getting a quizzical eye-brow from Liz when making a fool of myself at a Trig Bro, and her being dismayed at my Kit-Kat eating etiquette when Tombot and Ally were over here.

I remember Liz from houses, pubs and parks where wonderful people had wonderful times. I'm glad that every memory I have of her is accompanied by the memory of the good times that everyone had.

The last time I saw Liz was when she came to bowl with me and others for a going-away affair in 2002. She bowled a 58 and a 92. I thought I had lost her and the others from my life before now, but it's worse to get someone back only to lose them again straight away.

My thoughts are with everyone that knows her, whether they've met her or not.

My thoughts are with Liz, her friends, family and especially Rob.

My thoughts exactly. I don't believe in the power of prayer, but I find myself wanting to pray for Liz regardless.

* - after readingthe chicken article I went to the British restaurant and ate mad chicken as a pathetic 'tribute' to Liz and the UK crew, but I forgot to take a pic until after because I was eating too fast to think (big surprise).

http://www.summerloversunlimited.com/pic46.jpg

Love you guys.

It's funny, but in spite of all the handwringing in the media, and (I suppose) the sad necessity for it, the fact that someone like Liz's existence has managed to provoke such caring and humour and love has, for me at least, meant at least as much as any of the other more analytical/political/philosophical stuff, if not more.

When I've wanted to find immediate ways to still believe in humanity, as painful as these threads have been, it's to this sense of vibrant, thoughtful community I've turned.

(Time to de-lurk more, perhaps.)

Love to everyone who is affected by this, of course.

All love and thoughts to Rob, and Liz's family and friends.

Much love to Rob, see you around I hope dude.

I am unspeakably sad about this, as I know everyone is. My heart is with Rob and all of Liz's family and friends.

There is much spectacular writing and emotion on this thread, a thread that should never have existed. That it IS so warm and moving, though, is precisely what was deserved.

If Liz did cross to the Other Side, I hope the transition was quick and painless. Maybe it's better there. For Liz's friends and family, I hope there is confirmation either way, so they can mourn (or rejoice). She is obviously greatly missed. I am once again impressed by what a supportive community ILX is. Keep the Liz stories coming -- celebrate her life.

The depth and range of emotion, from both Liz's friends and people who have never met her but have had their lives touched by her, is truly amazing. As I said in my earlier post, I hope Liz knows somehow how truly special we all think she is.

I hope you know how loved you are, wherever you are.

xx

I really don't know how people in New York coped with the whole thing of people's bodies never being found.

big hugs to Liz and Rob.

I know what you mean, some of the photos really are great, and I even found myself wanting there to be some kind of FAP with all these people there just now. It's a lovely/stupid thought...

I can't breathe.

i have no words i can use.

my condolences and best wishes to those closest to liz and rob

I've informed Carsmile, by the way. He's telling the people in the pub.

love to all.

x

I don't recall who said it on this thread, but if there is any charity that Liz would've supported, maybe we can give something in her name?

Reading all the stories above made me wished I came along to more FAPs. Maybe this year.

xpost yes, I wanted to ask that too, if her parents have in mind any type of charity to support in lieu of flowers and that sort of thing, will someone let us know? There must be some kind of victims' fund being set up for London but there might be something closer to Liz's heart.

my sincerest wishes that all who were touched by liz endure this heartbreak and find some solace in each other's arms. there's clearly so much to celebrate about this young woman's life...

xpost: what Allyzay said.

Could someone let me know if and when services are arranged? I appreciate that it probably won't be any time soon.

Also with the big hug to Rob and Marianna and all those that have been supporting Rob and Liz's family.

Liz was among the most deeply lovely people I've been lucky enough to know. I'll miss her.

For her friends and family I wish you strength.

this is ridiculous isn't it? impossible and ridiculous.

i never got to meet her. reading what has been written here, and speaking to her friends in glasgow, she sounds like a star.

rest in peace.

It would be wonderful if there was something those of us who didn't really know her could do.

Liz used to end her mails to Sinister with quotes, often from poems; somehow the faith in change she left us in this one from years ago helps me:

"It is better to be interested in the changing seasons
than to be hopelessly in love with Spring"
- George Santayana

Again -- to all who knew her, to all that loved her, and to those that knew her the most and best and dearest, my very best, my deepest sorrow, my strongest condolences.

you are loved liz.

I would like to add my voice to those who have suggested some kind of donation to Liz's favourite charity or whatever is appropriate. It would be a worthwhile way of showing how much she meant to the ILX community.

To her friends: my heart is with you - it hurts me, so it must be breaking you to pieces. Keep strong and keep together, because I have no doubt that's what Liz would want.

To Rob and Liz's family: my heartfelt condolences and every fibre of me is sending as much support as I can.I cannot imagine how much grief you are going through.

Crawford..

"When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion."

Liz must have been a truly amazing individual for her love to touch all the people here so deeply. That love surely lives on.

The thing with people and death and memories is that when someone is no longer with us, they're memories of us die with them and in that sense a piece of us truely does die to, because all we really are is skin and bones and other peoples memories of us.

I don't know what there is after life, but it must be something better than the horror in London that day.

Liz, if you're there, We all love you and hope you're alright. If theres nothing at least theres peace cause there sure isn't any here right now.

i've cried several times tonight. i only heard once my parents were on their way home, which is probably for the best. i lost it several times in a bar, each time thinking i'd be ok for a while, but no.i held it together for a bit, but then read all the other tributes, which were really moving. so can't really type that well at the moment.

i really thought this situation would turn out ok. totally irrationally. i have tears running down my face as i type, and i know that there are so many people that have so much more reason to mourn other than me, but i am so sorry for this loss.it's so unfair. that's what i keep thinking, and keep sobbing.

on thursday, i cleaned as a way of distracting myself from worrying. i transferred the contents of one purse to another. at the bottom of my last bag, i found a neon green oragami crane, made by liz at my '3 year party' last fall. and i really thought 'oh, that's such a good sign, she must be ok, i found that thing she made for me, and surely that's a sign of good luck.' and so for the last week i've been thinking there's some bizarre situation that would make it all ok, and the lovely, wonderful baking friend that we all knew would appear and ask what all the fuss is about.

rob, i can't even imagine what you're going through, but my thoughts are with you, and endless hugs to you and to the liz i remember so strongly.

May God bless you, Liz. I'm proud to have had the chance to call you a friend.

the thing that keeps going through my mind is why. out of 8 million people in london, only like 60 died, and one of them had to be her. and that doesn't make any sort of sense to me. out of everyone i know, she was one of the people that was truly kind, even when slightly bitchy, nice to new people, creative and clever. why the fuck was it her, rather than some waste of space?

i know someone will shout at me for saying something like that, and fine. i know it's not the right thing to say. but if i had to make a list of people to go in this situation, liz would be pretty far towards the end, for sure. it's not fucking fair.

Now that that fantasy has been brought back down to reality and the very worst outcome possible has happened... my God. There are no words adequate enough, appropriate enough, descriptive enough to relay just how horrible and sad and heartbreaking all of this is. I myself am very numb, with a very hollow feeling deep in my heart, but I can only imagine how much pain and anguish and heartache Liz's family and Rob especially are feeling at this time, how dark and terrible their present is, how the relief of knowing is overshadowed by the despair of knowing. Please, if there's anything we can do here, wherever we are, please someone let us know.

x

To those who knew her best - is there a cause she supported, a particular charity?

I will attempt to prepare a passel of the many wonderful recipes she posted in the near future, in her honor.

My heartfelt condolences to all who knew Liz.

Deepest love and condolences to Rob, her family and friends.

I hope Rob, her family and all who knew her will find solace in this dark time through the love being expressed here.

Love and hugs to all.

you were warm. welcoming, funny, naughty, smart --- and the generous qualities we knew you for and turned to you for are ones we need, ones we will have to find now in ourselves you're gone, to face your passing, to carry on

finding these qualities in ourselves will be hard: after all, this is one reason you mattered so much to us

but we have a fine, fine model: how you were was who you were, and the memory of that is so clear, hard for the moment but very clear --- being good to one another, those left here without you, is a way to cherish that memory

Jesus, invasion of the prancing about evangelists.

-- Liz :x (*******@*****.**.**), February 17th, 2004

What I thought about when she was "missing". Her clever/witty/take-no-shit, yet very likeable manner in posting here. RIP Liz, and sympathies to all her friends/loved ones.

Goodnight L.

And like Matt DC, I too had a really lovely, comforting email from Liz when I was feeling down, in response to something that I had put in a post to Sinister, which was really appreciated and was at a time when I had only met Liz two or three times.

I've felt so bad these last few days and so weak and inert, stuck out here in Oxford, sometimes unable, sometimes unwiling to make the trip up to London to be with the London ILX crowd at this terrible time. And I have discovered that what happens to me in real life happens online as well, I clam up, unable to find the words. It has been a struggle to type this, but I feel I must.

I would like to add my voice to those who have suggested some kind of donation to Liz's favourite charity or whatever is appropriate.

I too think this would be a very good idea - could someone find out for us? - cheers.

Most importent of all - my love and deepest condolences go out to Rob and the Daplyn family.

I miss her terribly. Love and condolences of the highest water to Rob, her family and her friends, of which I will always be honoured to have been one. My life is that much better have known her, and that can never be taken away.

I don't know who posted it, but whomever described her at a FAP as "holding court on the sofa" was so spot on. She could draw people around her, she was a fascinating person to talk to, very thoughtful and, as mentioned by many, totally whip-smart-sarcastic. I wish I could see another performance of Sk8ter Boi too.

Liz - wherever you are now I hope you have all the lemon reamers, map porn and half-price cocktails you could ever desire. It guts me that someone so inclusive was the one who was taken away in such a manner. You'll be missed.

on the occasions i was lucky enough to meet liz, i was always struck (as mentioned by others on this thread) by how welcome liz made people feel, and when i went along to sinister meetups where i knew few people, she was always one of the first to speak to me and draw me into conversations. i knew liz mostly through her sinister posts, which were always a joy to read, so clever and articulate. most of the time i spent in her company, i spent laughing, and that is what i will remember when i think of liz.

my heart goes out to rob, and to liz's family, and to all the people i know who were close to liz. take care xxx

I cannot even begin to express my grief and condolences to Liz's family, and the friends who were close to her. And Rob, my heart goes out to you. This is tragic, painful, deeply saddening, and cruelly unfair. I can only hope that the sentiments expressed here on ILX will give you comfort and strength in the knowledge that Liz is in our thoughts.

I wish I was still there in London. I feel isolated and frustrated that I cannot be with you wonderful London ILX folks right now. There is an empty place on ILX and at the FAPs, and all we can do now is fill that space with love and warm thoughts. And most of all, memories. Forgive the corny expression, but this is how no-one can truly die - when you live in the minds of so many others in so many ways.

Sorry for the personal anecdotes and babbling here, but I can't help it...

When I first came to London over 2 years ago, I wondered how I would make new friends. I never thought ILX would have anything to do with it. Sure, I used to post a lot on ILM, and started to drop into ILE from time to time, but I was by no means a 'regular'. And I probably still harboured feelings of "meeting people from the internet? ewww!". But as I posted a bit more, and noticed the alarming frequency with which London FAPs took place, I decided to take a bit of a plunge and come out. I did feel a little intimidated - a large group of semi-strangers who already knew each other and I was the "outsider". After getting my feet wet at a couple of get-togethers, I started to come out quite regularly. Any guesses as to who played a big part in making me feel welcome? Liz "holding court" at FAPs is so accurate. Her wit, her smile, her stories, her recipes (her CAKE!) - all of these things are unforgettable.

I want all of you London ILXors to know how much you mean to me. As time went on, that whole misguided "you met these people on the INTERNET!?" prejudice disappeared, and I can honestly say that you were no longer people who I met and knew from an online forum - you were my friends. And Liz and Rob were very dear to me. We would occasionally get together outside of FAPs - eat pate, cheese, and other deliciously unhealthy foodstuffs, drink wine, etc. I just can't get my head around the fact that she is gone.

My very last night in London was hard for me - leaving behind friends is not easy to do. And for a few of us, this would be the last time we saw Liz. My last memory of London is that night at the Dragon bar - and the little going away gift her and Rob gave me. Liz worked her origami magic on a little card made into a sweater to "keep warm in Canada", and also included were a pair of funny London shot glasses. Believe me, they are going to get some use. It goes without saying that I will think of Liz and Rob every time I raise a toast with them.

Liz, you are missed. Wherever you are, I can imagine you giving us all a wink and a smile right now. I am not a religious person, but I wish that someday we could all be together with you again. I will be expecting PIE.

Goodbye Elizabeth.

Rob, Marianna, Ken, Mark_C... other friends and family, I can't possibily imagine what you are going through right now, but my thoughts are with you. nal x

The last time I saw Liz was at Rob Bolton's leaving do. I wasn't feeling very sociable. I apologised for not talking to her much that evening, and promised to speak to her properly next time. There were things I wanted to ask her, tiny stupid things, but, you know.

I never knew Liz, but this shocked the hell out of me. I know I'm not alone.

Much love and regret, xx

I think that's about all I'm up to. RIP Liz. God this is just wrong.

x claire

What I want to say, in hopees that someone connected to Liz sees this, is that although I did not know her, I know what sudden loss is, and I feel for you in every fiber of my being. This situation has made me cry-- tears of recongition, that a human being so precious and irreplacable has been taken from her friends and loved ones.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all, and with Liz. There will never be anyone like her, and I know how special she was to those who loved her. Please accept these heartfelt condolences and know that your pain will not be as harsh always as it is right now. Time will heal, and my thoughts are with you are you go through what I know you must be going through.

May God bless and keep you.

This thread is an excellent tribute.

Thanks and love to Marianna for keeping us up to date, and my thoughts and heart-felt love to Rob, the Clan Daplyn and all of those close to such a remarkable and marvellous woman.

RIP. I hope we can all visit Liz in our thoughts, prayers, dreams.. :(((

and then there are the memories; all the cakes (i was always greedy enough to get a piece of any of liz's cakes, and they were always incredible), the fruit-throwing conversation at rob's goodbye fap. and on a more personal note, before i moved in with colette i found her posts on cohabitation threads very reassuring and helpful alongside the more doom-and-gloom "you'll come to hate each other" posts.

condolences and love to rob, liz's family, and friends.

Anyway, my thoughts are with Rob and Liz's family and friends.. ..and my deepest sympathies.

Thanks to everyone who posted such detailed and warm memories upthread, I feel like, I too, know Liz now. I'm thinking of everyone in London everyday, and especially Liz.

I think Tracer (wisely) wished for stregth for Rob and Liz's family: if it's not too presumptuous, I would like to wish it for us all.

Past that I have nothing to say, nothing to offer.

I thought it best to leave my thoughts here - revived for one post and for one reason only.

http://cookham.blogspot.com/2005_07_17_cookham_archive.html#112166917091187487

I'd seen you on ILX and at FAPs for years, but it was only last year that we really became close. It was the worst time of my life, a breakup, a death in the family, and then a cancer scare. And you took me out to dinner at the Picadilly Cafe, and you gave me a tin of "Longevity" brand condensed milk, saying "don't be silly, cancer will never get you". Oh Liz, how could a bomb get you? It makes no sense.

You went out of your way to include people and make others feel welcome, so warm when we were all at each others' throats. (And always at the ready with a wry and sardonic putdown when wit was required.) I made a beeline for you when I felt out of place at FAPs. You knew everything, useful trivia and arcane knowledge, and always at the ready with your trusty penknife. (Always a knife for cutting cake, always a corkscrew for opening wine, she could turn a tired and cranky gang of ramblers by the side of a canal into a rollicking party.)

I miss you. So selfishly I miss you, wrapped in my own grief. But the only way we can all get through this is together. Sorry, I am so clumbsy and inarticulate, I never know what to say in the best of situations.

I heard on Friday, but it keeps on feeling as if I've only just heard, if that makes any sense. This is really rubbish. For some reason, a memory that keeps on coming into my head is pre-Poptimism McFilth + two apple pies, but I am sure that Liz doesn't want that to be my prevailing memory of her. There's just too many things that keep coming into my head with sledgehammer subtlety, so many great times omg! that I wonder, are these moments when you think of your friends always there, and you just take them for granted? Shut up before you turn into a hippy Sarah, but yes. They just keep coming, so I will probably return to this thread, again and again.

Another memory that is strong, and still a strong opinion now regards "Marshmallow Fluff". It is still disgusting, and I regret I won't have the chance to argue this with her again.

Yes. Blub. (I am not good at this sort of thing). All my love to Rob and Liz's family, and to the people who've been particularly good at looking after them. This is such an unfair thing to happen to someone so BLUDDY GRATE.

I felt like our friendship was growing, more each time I met you. You were kind, strong, extremely intelligent, funny...so very, very funny...you could make me laugh just by raising an eyebrow.

You were one of the first people I looked for at picnics. I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be anything to impress you. I didn't feel that you were impressed by pretence.

I thought I had prepared for this news. I hadn't.

Alasdair xx

I still can't think of how to describe you, in ways that really do you justice. You were a brightly-glowing star.

Kate, I wish I was half as good at heaving my heart into my mouth. I've read hundreds of your posts and you are never clumsy and inarticulate, but that last posting was truly wonderful.

It was beautiful and from the heart.

Why is this getting *harder* for me to believe as time goes on? Maybe it's because until today I was still technically on honeymoon, just at home with Matt in a little bubble... it felt like once I was back at work and back in a routine, everything would be back to normal. Including Liz. Now I'm at my desk and people keep saying how sorry they are and I keep wanting to say 'no it's alright though, it was all a mistake after all'. It's true what Anna and others said, it's just not like Liz, she's too sensible, she's not the kind of person this happens to. But if reading the papers this week has done anything (apart from make me weep) it's shown how entirely random this evil is, how it took anyone it fucking liked.

Why do I feel like I'm bursting with more things to say about Liz, and that there is an urgent need to say them, but I can't quite find anything to write when it comes to it? I looked at photographs of her at the weekend, such happy, silly pictures, and it almost felt like by the sheer volume of memories and images I could bring her back. Eventually I know I'll come to terms with the fact that it's only our memories that are left, and they *can* bring her back, in a way, if anything can. But god it seems like such a poor substitute at the moment.

I feel terribly terribly isolated, somehow. And I'm so glad I'll see some of you on Friday. I'm worried that I won't have any of the right words for Rob, or for anyone, but I know that all this hurt and love needs to be shared.

I was not a close friend, but we always gelled at FAP's and as Mike says way, way up the thread, she was always a more than perceptive debunker of my lies. I loved her silliness, mixed with her sensibleness. I remember the night of Rob Bolton's leaving do perfectly when we sat and discussed the Freakytrigger food science day. Avocado as natures butter, the salad of eyes and which fruit can be thrown the furthest. We will do this as tribute to Liz, she would want to know definatively what fruit could be thrown the furthest, and if bananas do come back (a bit).

Too many memories already and I have known her two years. Like Archel I was out of the country when it happened, and it did not seem real. I almost felt selfishly left out: well I got a nasty surprise for that fucking stupid thought. Last Friday in the pub was very sad, but it was great to have a lot of people around on such a sad night. I'll remember the cakes, the smiles and her always being there. It is sad to think she won't be.

I wish I had drawn a better picture of her last year now.

I think I understand and accept what has happened now, but that has left me with a very deep sorrow and I don't know quite what to do with it. Returning to London to find the gaping hole/bricked-up window is going to be tough. At the end of it all comes the inevitable (no) comparison between the way I feel and what those closest to her are going through.

Many people have told a story, either here or in person, of something kind or generous that Liz did, and all have said something to suggest what a wonderful person she was, and they are right. It was a privilege to know her.

I never knew her, but the stories, glimpses, Ink Polaroids and Celluloids of those of you who did, have been so vivid and distinct that occasionally late in the thread, I caught myself thinking "otm! that's just like her!" when a new fact or impression was related. The way so many describe what she would do to include people into whatever was going on is the thing that has really made me cry tonight – such people are treasures.

A thing about death is that "omg I never got to tell them I loved them" thing. The way those of you who were close to Liz have written about the fun you had, the things you did, the nonsense you spouted, leaves me in no doubt that she must surely always have known she was deeply loved.

Kate wrote upthread: The thing with people and death and memories is that when someone is no longer with us, their memories of us die with them and in that sense a piece of us truely does die to, because all we really are is skin and bones and other peoples memories of us. Conversely, with the memories I've read on this thread, she may be dead, but not utterly dead.

All possible good thoughts for Rob, family and friends. I cannot imagine.

I shall eat cake tomorrow.

It was odd, that my shrink said of everyone that she was counselling, I was the only one of her clients who had actually lost someone in the bombing. That everyone had tales of narrow escapes and "had I not taken a later train, or gone another way..." As others have said above, that does not make me feel better, but worse. Why *her*? Why someone who had such an overwhelming good effect on so many of us? Someone who took the time and the effort to be so kind to everyone, who I genuinely feel helped a gang of disparate people meeting through a web-board turn into a genuine *community*?

I am in counselling for anger, not for grief, but my counseller had some good suggestions for dealing with it. Remember what was good and wonderful about her life, not what was awful and horrid and shocking and unneccessary about her death. Celebrate the qualities I admired, and try to emmulate those I will miss. Her sense, the way that she would react to the most annoying of things with a theatrical eye-roll and a dismissive sigh. Right now I'm treasuring that image.

But most of all to treasure the community that she helped to shape.

All the best for the afterlife, Liz. See you there sometime, hopefully. Save us a seat, okay?

http://www.redcross.org.uk//standard.asp?id=47805&cachefixer=

They are collecting in Pret too, but I'm not sure what for.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,60-1699489,00.html

I see she is a Leicestershire lass.

With much love, and thinking of you all.

I held off writing to this thread since we only met once, but we had a great time in Cambridge last year and seeing the news on the BBC website has filled me with much sadness. This is the worst thing to happen to one of the friendliest people I've ever met and my heart goes out to you, Rob and your family and loved ones.

I am so sorry for your loss and those of others in London.

Hope to see FreakyTrigger back up and running soon.

Yokojo

-- Ally C (allycook9...), July 18th, 2005

Aside from the fact it was lovely to see Ally's name come up, the simplicity of this really touched me. Later on it - possibly irrelevantly - reminded me of Ivor Cutler's ‘Beautiful Cosmos’. As someone who can spend far too much time on t’internet I probably need to wean myself away from lurking on these boards for far too sensible, but important reasons.

I'm grateful for somewhere to have been able to drop anchor to hear others thoughts and await news. I've learned a lot more about Liz, and predictably regret not having spoken to her a heck of a lot more...
In fact there are a lot of good people I’d like to spend time with. People I’d like to get to know more, but probably more importantly people I already know well and can appreciate more… and perhaps have been doing a little more.

I suppose I'm at a point of resorting to my occasional eternal optimist side to look for good things that can come out of tragedy, evidencing I’m sure in part I've not been rocked as deeply as many others that really new Liz, but...

Well when someone gets chance to hold Rob, could they hold him a little bit longer and tighter than they might have done otherwise, and whilst doing so reflect on the well wishing and outpouring of love to him that’s been expressed in many messages here.

I can’t ignore a positive that has arisen that I’ve been in touch with some close friends, some more deeply affected than I, much more than I would have been otherwise… and re-connected with some. It doesn’t seem pointless to reflect on any positives we find, or perhaps that’s a psychological survival instinct.

It is amazing just how much one person can touch the lives of others. Honey somewhere referred to seeing Liz’s echoes everywhere, I’m supposing there is an honour in making these echoes, reverberations, as positive as possible, in that sense our influence on the planet continues…

I’m glad I looked it up ;)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frottage
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frottage_(sexology)

I’m perhaps still a little confused by the randomness of events, together with being touched by the beauty of compassion that can arise from terror.

As much as I may accept ideas of impermanence intellectually I suppose it’s very obvious I seem to learn more from experience.

My mind goes to Mr. Bragg, again I’m not sure entirely appropriately:

Kiss me goodnight and say my prayers
Leave the light on at the top of the stairs
Tell me the names of the stars up in the sky
A tree taps on the window pane
That feeling smothers me again
Daddy is it true that we all have to die?

-------
wrote this a while ago, i thought i better do soemthing with it...
jim x

Love to all her friends and family for tomorrow and always, and blessings on her memory.

Nick xx

Reflecting later, Hegarty realised something that might offer solace to those bereaved by the Piccadilly line bomb. Only some of those he treated could even remember hearing a bang - and those who died, he says, may well have had no awareness of what happened. "They probably wouldn't even have had fear - the thought that something was wrong. They might not even have heard a bang, because you feel an explosion before you hear it. If it's any consolation to the relatives, it was like flicking a switch, and the switch is flicked before you're aware of it."

Above all, be neighbourly.

When you are part of a crowd of people joining another crowd on board a subway, ask what's in their bag. Simple question. Ask if you can see. Simple curiosity! No harm done, just we're all a bit scared and knowing is preferable to ignorance. Keep an eye out. Know the names of your next-door colleagues in the city life. Know all the people in your office. Know where to find people. Make a plan for getting back to your loved ones in times of crisis, and how to find each other when everyone seems lost. Pick the simplest routes and stick to them. Be a neighbour, be an acquaintance, of everyone who's close to you, emotionally, geographically, or ideologically, as it were. Make yourself a resource that others can rely on in these absurd slash tragic times.

Take all loss as a notice, that you need to stand up straighter.

I miss Liz.

More than anything I now feel exactly what it is to miss that day-to-day peace that we had, that I even had as active duty military, and most all my friends were the same.

The world is Beirut. It was only a matter of time before we made it so. The measure of a species is how we adapt; I suggest a few dinner parties and getting to know that fellow upstairs who only checks his mail once a month.

And check his bag when you both end up on the same train, because, you know, you're neighbours, why not?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4670099.stm
http://rachelnorthlondon.blogspot.com/

I was on the same carriage as Liz, and I am so very sorry. I was in the front half of the carriage, by the first set of double doors. Liz would have been at the back of the carriage.

I am so sorry. Dave B who is my friend and I drank to her and the otehrs last week. I don't know what else to say.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4670099.stm
http://rachelnorthlondon.blogspot.com/2005/07/drinking-to-dead.html

I was on the same carriage as Liz, and I am so very sorry. I was in the front half of the carriage, by the first set of double doors. Liz would have been at the back of the carriage.

I am so sorry. Dave B who is my friend and I drank to her and the otehrs last week. I don't know what else to say.

Hmm. I think you'd better have a reason for suspecting them enough to ask.

A compilation of Liz' writings about food, from Pumpkin Publog.

I liked what dahlin said about the weekend in London. Because I agree with every word.

Kevan Cooke once sent me something in the post, but I have forgotten what it was.

/me waves at kevan

Well
It didn't feel bad.