UK Office Watercooler Conversation

The best thing about it was the handheld BAT DETECTORS we had to use to spot the bats as it was dark out. (Well, when we were out of sight of the giant glowing space jellyfish that is Canary Wharf. What *is* that place? It frightens me.) These look a bit like MXR pedals with a knob for volume and a knob for frequency - as most bat conversation and echolocation is out of the range of human hearing.

BATS SOUND LIKE AUTECHRE!!! Honestly, they made the coolest semi-rhythmic wet smacking squelching drum-machine-under-duress sounds ever.

Other than that, rain delayed most of my weekend. My beautiful roses got smashed to pieces. :-(

I agree, it's time for my first cup of coffee. Mmmm, mochaccino.

It's all very depressing but didn't stop me going out on Saturday night. Still, burned out cars in my town centre (ballyclare). Bad old days, here we come. And to think I was feeling great about NI and how far we'd come after Wednesday night. Thanks you scumbags.

Apart from that, I'm still doing admin temping with very little to do.

Blimey, Crackity, were you anywhere near any of it? I feel kind of shocked about it all - but hoping it's rather more of a last gasp than kicking off again.

I went to a gig on Saturday night. Brakes - who I had been avoiding because HE BROKE MY BANDMATE'S LEG!!! - but they turned out to be actually very good live. And I managed to have an entire conversation with Eamon without calling him a LEG-BREAKING FREAK!!!!

They did a JAMC cover which made me very happy. And kind of made up for the rest of the evening being so shit - the Windmill was very crowded because of the rain and full of tossers, grrrr.

Weekend - I met up with a couple of girls I haven't seen for a while. I didn't expect to meet up with their own group of parallel internet mentalists. One of them was AN DETECTIVE - the previous week she'd received a report of harassment from a woman who caimed her neighbours had been training their cats to spy on her. I like these people.

she'd received a report of harassment from a woman who caimed her neighbours had been training their cats to spy on her.

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!! Maybe they customised their BAT DETECTORS to be CAT DETECTORS!!! Purring = Echolocation for cats.

I want more on the CAT DETECTORS, myself. Hrmmm. I wonder what would happen if you used a Bat Detector on a cat? I bet the purring would sound amazing. I mean, crickets sound like drum n bass through a bat Detector.

Luminiferous Aether - It doesn't seem like a last gasp to me. The atnmosphere in the estates seems to be pretty poisonous. While most of us over here are happily getting on with peace and relative prosperity, putting the last 35 years well and truly behind us, there is a portion of society that isn't interested. I won't try analysing the loyalist working class because I'm too detached from it (though there is some of that on the BBC site if you're interested), but there seems to be a hell of a lot of frustration and hatred about.

I didn't see anything first hand but most of what happened was in a 15 mile radius from where I live, and like I say I saw the aftermath in Ballyclare. Most of it was in estates in the depths of north and west Belfast but by no means all. There were quite a few hijackings as well, including of buses, which is really disturbing.

Perhaps the most shocking thing is the Orange Order's response to Sir Hugh Orde's (Chief Constable) absolutely reasonable statement that they should take some responsibility for what happened -

"While the Orange Order has noted the Chief Constable's intemperate, inflammatory and inaccurate remarks, we have decided to take a more responsible line and will not be drawn into a similar knee-jerk reaction, it said.

"At this stage, all we would say is that if what we saw today was policing, it was policing at its worst."

I hope they've lost what little credibility they had left after this. They are no better than paramilitaries.

In far more trivial matters, I've just had to try and reverse all the damage I did last week when I was drafted in to do the accounts now that that everyone is back. Sigh.

um, what did i do at the weekend: i went to fabric, danced, stayed up all night, walked from king's x to leicester square with anna the next day and had horrible overexpensive dim sum while being looked at askance by other diners who weren't in the previous night's raving gear and who weren't having to concentrate as hard as us on the act of being alive. then we went to the pub for a while, then another pub, then i ended up in kilburn that night, then i watched pop videos and did some writing on sunday morning, then i helped to sub plan b, then i came home and got a severe case of the shakes which could only be countered by blasting the most banging electro i could find at top volume and jumping around my room.

at some point i lost my flatmate and he's still not back yet!

Saturday my girlfriend dragged me out of bed to go to a pub in Balham where we literally drank ALL DAY but somehow didn't get close to drunk. Very strange, all I got was a throbbing headache.

Terrible news about Northern Ireland. My grandmother lives in Bangor and I do hope she's alright.

on saturday i ordered new phat pickups. the stock ones feed back (screamy style) way too much and were pretty weak. i am p1mp1ng my jag, yo. bodykit next. like a tail or something.

I like Jaguars, I always have. But when it came down to it, I just think that the Jazzmaster looked so much sexier with its big pickups. Yes, I have spent the night with it in bed next to me, why do you ask?

Greg: I couldn't stop sneezing either all weekend, but it seems to have cleared up a bit now.

i stayed in all weekend like the boring trump i am. i need the detox tho and for once i feel great on a first day back at work.

i have the house to myself this week so nude ironing will be on the cards tonight.

(Bear in mind, I don't like being nude.)

*hides*

And here Kate began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, `Do cat detectors detect bats? Do cat detectors detect bats?' and sometimes, `Do bat detectors detect cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it.

I'm feeling very sleepy as a matter of fact. Perhaps I will nod off at the computer and dream of falling down a very very long bus ride and wake up in a strange world made all of glass and water where people detect bats with cat detectors.

Better than morning wood, I suppose.

I was singing "I once had a bat, or should I say, she once had me" and shouting at Ste that it's very very illegal to kill or otherwise tamper with bats. The bloke who led our walk was a LISENCED BAT WORKER and told us so.

(penny drops)

Why can't I find a picture of Richard Harris in Mutiny on the Bounty on the interweb? Life isn't fair. I suppose I'll just have to get back to work, then.

xp

you OWE me.

yes, thank you.

http://www.moviemarket.co.uk/library/photosets/color/852852-1.jpg

My headache has finally gone but it's been replaced by a low-level stomach ache. Is this what old age feels like, when every day a new little thing goes wrong?

In other news, I finally caught a bit of whassisname (I want to say Richard Starkey, but isn't that Ringo's real name?) and his thing about the British monarchy. Oh those naughty Tudors, etc. etc. At least I've finally sorted out the Lancaster = Red, York = white dilemma and know which way round to name my rosebushes.

(Do you know, I never actually connected the name of the house and the name of the pub? Especially as the pub was BRIGHT RED.)

((On an aside, the historical reenactor they got to play Richard III was HOTT!))

On the Historical Maritime Society website there's a little blurb about all the films and documentaries they've been in.

(Yes, this is for a historical documentary, honest, and not for some depraved sexual fantasy, honest.)

oh, er... i guess they're in the phonebook. i see them at exhibitions and stuff.

"learn" xpost

Argh, I just called into the office and got given this huge project because even though the old system doesn't balance, and we KNOW it doesn't balance and I've been telling them since I started that it doesn't balance - now it seems that the NEW system isn't balancing.

I told them that if that was true, I'd quit. Argh. So now I better check it. Shout at me if you see me goofing off on ILX except at lunch.

Yeh, Richard has come up with the plan of renting a house as opposed to rooms in a house, since this is cheaper. We've got 4 people and we're looking for somewhere now. We're seeing a house every night this week, so hopefully we'll find somewhere nice.

Round our watercooler today: gosh wasn't it DARK this morning? I woke up and thought it was 5am and it was really 7! It came on so suddenly! Ooh I hate winter, me. Grr, it's all cold. Thought it was supposed to be sunny today? Grr.

Anyway, erm, yes, blimey it's getting dark early and it's not light when I wake up which is disturbing. I cannot believe how quickly the day is going, and I've done nothing and I've not even been on ILX! Bah!

I love the winter, I love when it gets cold so I can wear more clothes, and it gets dark so there's no nasty sun to make me hot.

Archel, why are *you* moving? Everyone is moving. I want in on the action but then I remember how much I hate moving.

I suspect that you are right there. But then again if you don't really want to be doing your dissertation, moving is a fantastic procrasturbation technique - or maybe the other way around, that moving will sharpen your focus and your awareness of deadlines.

Andrew, did it not dawn on you that perhaps a thread might be conceived as a thing in and of itself, fulfilling a need that was not quite fulfilled elsewhere?

But perhaps you are more dedicated than I. Speaking of which, I must get back to work now. :-(

I've just been down pubfor lunch, and had b33r. Also had chips&gravy, even though they didn't have any gravy on the menu! Get in!

If all you want to do is natter about whether or not this thread is like another and if you should post on it or not, kindly refrain.

Anyway, I would like a cup of coffee but I daren't in my sort of edgy mood. Though perhaps coffee might be just the thing.

I think I am going to put this report away and concentrate on the horrible recconcilliation which is going to take the rest of the afternoon, as the sooner I get started on that, the better.

x-post, mmmmm, gravy. I could really do with some chips and gravy. Though I suspect all I will get this afternoon is beer.

Ha ha, this is exactly what TITTWIS people said about ILE hence TITTWIS.

This surely qualifies as inane, pithy chatter anyway.

Oh, wait, sorry, I thought you said "Testifyin' Bobby G" - never mind.

Asking "Have you got any gravy out back, and can I have it on my chips please?" and a bit of self-deprecating begging was all that was needed. Being nice to people can get them to do all sorts of things for you.

xpost

Kate, that's poor, even by ILX standards.

Pieces of caffeine, pieces of caffeine...

Oh dear. Too much coffee. I had to send myself an email and started chanting out loud "KMF IS GONNA ROCK YA!!! UH-HUH UH-HUH UH-HUH UH-HUH - ANCIENT AND GROOVY!!!" (Yes, I know those words are wrong, but it's my personal version of the song.)

Good thing everyone else was too busy in their meeting to notice. :-)

Now does my screen name make you wanna take out a mortgage? Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!

http://im.edirectory.co.uk/products/61/i/mpm5.jpg

Why are there already 10 billion football threads? Or separate cricket and football threads? It's all fucking sport, isn't it?

This huge rec I've been doing all day... turns out it was all wrong BECAUSE THEY WERE LOOKING AT THE WRONG REPORT!!! Instead of waiting till I'd run the End of Month RAF and archived it, they just opened up the first report they saw on the morning of 1st September and used that even though the last day of the month (busiest day) WAS NOT ON IT YET!!! No wonder the things don't balance.

Not to mention one of the finance people totally neglecting to update an entire weekend's worth of extracts.

This makes me want to smash things.

er, xpost.

Here you go Kate, have some cake. I made this banana bread this morning, and there's only 2 bits left.

I mean, sandwiches don't smash nicely so I wouldn't bother. But if it's a lemon merange pie or something, that will smash very well indeed.

x-post CAKE!!! Even better. Not for smashing, but for eating. Alas, all I have left is an apple.

oh, my lunch was sandwiches, so no smashy-smashy. unless you mash my crisps. but please don't. i'm getting hungry now.

Today looks to be as hellish as yesterday. Sigh. Please keep me entertained.

or or or or...

guess what i'm having at 10:30? (hint: it's not a wank, comedy fans)

and hey - you're doing this on purpose, picking things that i WANT to do but can't.
xpost.

the answer: big chocolate cookie, yo.

(Man, I wish I had a cookie. In a shocking diversion from form, I am having a packaged vegetable bake instead of hummus and veggies because I was too lazy to walk to Sainsburys at the weekend.)

(I am now very tempted to go to Sainsburys and get a whole bag of the LUXURY triple chocolate cookies. But that would be bad.)

http://www.boingboing.net/images/cookiemonster.jpg

DO IT!

"Why is everyone who works here an annoying cunt?"

I'm lucky in that most of the people I work with are not annoying cunts. I just think that they don't appreciate how much *work* is entailed in setting up the "apparently simple" things they want done. But feel free to bitch, Forest, that's what watercoolers are for.

That's the other thing. Even though he's above me, has more qualifications and experience than me, (presumably) gets paid more than me, he actually knows JACK SHIT about most of the stuff I look after; and a lot of the stuff he's supposed to know about too. Which would be fine, except when he starts trying to reconfigure things, or fix things himself, or tells someone that We'll Definitely Do X; and then I have to clear up the pieces afterwards. Fuckwit.

I just think that they don't appreciate how much *work* is entailed in setting up the "apparently simple" things they want done.

Completely OTM. There's one manager in particular who, if he says "come on it must be easy!" one more time, I think I'll punch. Just because it's easy for you to IMAGINE doesn't mean it's easy to DO, moron.

Yours in PLUR,

I think I managed to get the stain off, but now I smell of dishwater because the only sponge available was the dish sponge.

I'm feeling very unhappy with ILX at the moment. It seems the more I try to withdraw and keep myself to myself, and not bother anyway, and not get in fights, the more people seem to follow me and poke me with sticks. There is no need to discuss this or analyse this or tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way, it's just how I am feeling.

x-post. I want my laptop back so I can write songs again. :-(

http://www.lavahut.com/scotmuu-bl.jpg

Muu muu! Muu muu!

(Sayeth the woman wearing a Liberty peacock shirt.)

The meeting did, however, have the corollory of making me miss the sandwich man, so I'm now the world's most hungry person. (well maybe not the ABSOLUET hungriest, but at least the joint third most hungry person) so I may have to go up the garage in a minute and buy some food.

You HAVE got a sense of humour, kate. You like my bee jokes, remember!

OK, since several people have come on this thread and bitched about it, I feel like I now have a right to bitch about other threads.

I looked at the Excelsior thread thinking "OK, I'm feeling a bit rub, I could do with a laugh" and just read through these examples of "funnies" thinking either "I don't get it" or "that isn't funny" or "that's just cruel - how is that supposed to be amusing?"

Multiple people thought these things were witty, so I come to the conclusion that I don't have a sense of humour. (This has often been noted. I get perplexed more easily than amused. Though I suppose my perplexment causes others amusement. Kind of like the rabbit joke.)

Anyway, I am also hungry. Maybe I should have gone and got a cookie. I suspect my lunch might be a bit rub, though.

("lunch" = 1 Tesco honey mustard chicken pasta snack, 1 packet sweet thai chili crisps, 1 bottle Innocent smoothie)

GNNNGH!!!

Oh no, except as I type that, someone else has started using the microwave. bah.

My lunch has turned out to be a wild mushroom pasta bake so I was wrong on both counts. A bit unsatisfactory when I was wanting risotto, but the sauce is OK, it tastes of wine.

a) its tea mings
b) it costs 20p per cup
c) the office drinks club costs £1 per week
d) i drink far more than 1 cup per day, and ideally would like nice tea.

Admittedly, it took me a year to work all this out.

ESM offices have coffee granules, filter coffee which nobody ever uses, not very nice teabags but they are scared of the BLUE milk there so all tea made there is unsatisfactory.

Our machine is free. This is the best thing about this place - but I suppose it would have to be free considering how much they ask us to work late!

Well, one of the sales assistants has a tub of money, a spreadsheet she uses to mark off who has paid, and goes out to buy coffee, tea, sugar and milk when we're running low.

Also any middle manager who has the brainwave to install tea machines which are NOT kettles ought to be taken out and shot

It's mostly a coffee machine, but it does have rather manky powdered tea in it too.

As the office it's in has been shut down, hardly anyone uses it at all now; and as a result the tea and coffee in it is very manky indeed. The coffee, noticeably, takes a lot longer (and more stirring) to dissolve than it did when fresh.

And I'm pissed off and got in a snit at my boss because she dumped YET ANOTHER THING on my desk that had to be done now, now, NOW, meaning that I had to push back another guy's reports YET AGAIN.

So I said to her (because she's supposed to be my line manager and in charge of my workload) "Can you pleased explain that to Other Manager so he doesn't get cross at me cause his stuff isnt' done?" and she went all snotty saying "well, maybe you shouldn't make promises you shouldn't deliver" to which I got really angry and said "WELL ON THE DAY I AGREED TO DO THIS I WAS SITTING AROUND TWIDDLING MY THUMBS WAITIN FOR YOU" and then she started with the "blah blah, half our staff our missing" which I just did the "talk to the hand thing" to because she was out sick last week, meaning I had to pitch in and do accounts...

Anyway, none of that makes any sense, but I feel better for having written it.

I really need cookies now.

Archel, why can't they just tell you when your court case is? Or is it dependent on other court cases and bloody endless recesses and filing motions till tomorrow and all that other stuff I don't understand in Law and Order?

Kate, yes, they don't know that the previous case will have finished until the day before, I guess.

Archel, make like they did on CSI Ginger last week and KILL THE DEFENDENT FOR MAKING THE CASE DRAG ON SO LONG!!!

(I think I have started to secretly fancy one of the blokes on CSI Ginger. Not Ginger CSI, but the Mysterious New Boy. He's so droll and floppy-haired and black clad. Emo CSI.)

We have one office here that has 6 people in it all the time and is very busy with phones ringing, people talking, etc. I had to go into it to talk to one of the staff there and sort out an Access database problem she was having. Get back to my desk and there's an email from one of the other women in there, accusing me of falling out with her because "when you were in here you talked to X but you didn't talk to me." For God's sake. Being paranoid about your popularity is going to make you less popular, you idiot. As it happens, I don't like you as much as X, but that's irrelevant because I was talking to X because it's MY JOB. Pillock.

j/k! j/k!

::hugglez::

I am feeling tired and a bit cranky today. Got too little sleep last night - rehearsal ran over so I didn't even get home until midnight, and I had too much pink and fizzy wine so I feel a bit... thick and blunted.

I discovered some office gossip this morning. Apparently everyone was very impressed that I actually dared to have a go at the boss who was being overly demanding yesterday. (!)

i have band practice tonight. new song, very exciting!

i might be swapping an old mobile phone handset for that fender mustang bridge i was after. funny how things work out when you post flippant messages in strange places.

I wonder if my laptop will EVER be fixed. I'm beginnning to get annoyed because it was supposed to be done yesterday and I've heard nothing. Grrr.

I have a headache. Everyone else in my department has been necking codeine. I would fall asleep if I took that in the office. And don't need anything else which is going to lower disinhibitions already made cranky by sleep deprivation.

Someone has f*cked around with the database and taken away the entry screen that I need to do one of the onerous tasks that was landed on my desk.

And my quick fix for the working day in month was not accepted, I am going to have to figure out this horrible bit of code myself. Argh. It is not my day. Whinge, whinge, whinge.

I am also becoming more and more depressed by the girly-relationship-conversations last night.

Boys' boarding school?

p.s. Archie, if you're online later will you PM me? I need to ask you something - ta!

Oh, working day queries. I get them from time to time. It's horrible. Too many case functions and temp tables - ug.

I occasionally have girly-relationship conversations. You're right, they do get depressing mighty quickly.

Now I'm trying to figure out where I've left an open inner join which is upsetting my Iif function. Oh dear.

I am cold as well as headachey now. I never get cold. Maybe I am coming down with something.

After the girly-conversation I resolved to try internet dating for the simple reason to get practise going on dates (view it like a job interview, erally) just to do something about my social phobia, so that if I were actually to meet someone I really wanted to date, I wouldn't be so useless about doing something abotu it.

But then we started talking about Adult Friend Finder and other sexxx only type sites, and I was getting really curious, asking "how specific can you be, can you order up *exactly* the physical parameters of someone you'd like to have casual sex with?" (I'm sure men do it and say things like "big breasted blonde or large-bottomed black woman" or whatever their particular physical fetish happens to be, why shouldn't a woman also say "pointy nose and longish blond hair required"?)

And then I got really depressed that I was even having the conversation. And resolving not to be bothered with any of it. And moaning about how being single was actually my default status, that I wasn't really a relationship kind of person. And then it was straight down Jacob's Ladder to self loathing and angst. Sigh.

Or perhaps one of those pointy glassbreaking things they had on CSI the other night.

There isn't any point to not talking about stuff.

There isn't any point. There isn't any point. There isn't any point.

How is that kind of site really that much different from male prostitution, in terms of treating sex like some kind of transaction, albeit one without money exchanged?

When will they come up with chemical castration for bored and bitter spinsters?

(These are insanely cheap especially with the exchange rate. Though what would I ever do with such a shoe?)

I suppose it's because it's the only article of clothing which cannot possibly make you feel fat. (Which counteracts the feelgood factor of trying clothes with the aim of boosting your self esteem by looking attractive.)

seems to me that they're worried that the bed will collapse.

http://laracorsets.com/images/things.I.built/1820s%20jane%20austin%202-1997%20a.jpg http://laracorsets.com/images/things.I.built/16th%20cen%20tudor%20green%20velvet%205-92%20c.jpg http://laracorsets.com/images/things.I.built/17th%20cen%20red%20brocade%209-99%20a%20jpg.JPG

(I think the key here is that I'm not actually trying anything on but just looking at pictures of the brocade.)

http://www.kaanzamaan.co.nz/images/Allepo%20throws%20product%20page%20photo%203.jpg
http://www.kaanzamaan.co.nz/images/Channel%20throw%20photo%204%20PP.jpg
http://www.kaanzamaan.co.nz/images/D%20cc%20rs.jpg
http://www.kaanzamaan.co.nz/images/Silk%20brocade%20shawls%20photo%2010%20PP.jpg

(I used to have loads of this stuff... I wonder where it all went, if my mum threw it out.)

They would pop out of the Tudor and Regency costumes.

EXACTLY.

so... victorian swimming costumes... they're great, huh?

I saw a house last night, it was the best thing ever. The kitchen is ENORMOUS = my fave house I've ever seen. SO long as I pass the credit check (I SOOOO hope so) then i'll be happiest man in the world. the rooms are enormous as well - fantastic house!

i wanna go home now. for some reason i am so fucking excited about band practice tonight. i'm all nervous and bouncy. whee!

It's just funny that the simplest little thing (the drill down) is the thing he's so impressed with, when the thing that I agonised over for hour and days (the working days scripts) is almost unnoticable. Sigh. Typical, eh?

In other news, I'm starting to worry that I think I might fancy the bloke out of the Arcade Fire.

WHY THE HECK DOESN'T THE APPLE STORE ON REGENT STREET LIST THEIR PHONE NUMBER ON THE WEBSITE?!?!? THEY HAVE HAD MY LAPTOP FOR FOR TO LONG AND I NO LONGER BELIEVE THEIR "Oh, we'll call you when it's done" BULLCRAP!!!!

Anyway, now back to the crushing.

i hate Kate Bush.

hahaha

Have they changed the chorus to include "Your call is important to us"

Finally got through to a human being... in Newcastle... to be told to ring back and ask for the shop itself. Sigh. Another ten minutes on hold with rubbish music (not "Don't give up... your call is in a queue" thank f*ck) but now the bloke has to run over to the technical department because they hvae LOST poor little Percy.

Oh wait, now it's some rubbish electrocrap that's all "the boys hate the girls it's a game we play" - what is this rubbish?

OH GOD WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS!??!? Do they just pick music based on which electronic tones will sound most irritating through a phone receiver?

THEY ACTUALLY LOST MY BLOODY COMPUTER!!!

And then the guy was "OK, I found it, and I've put it in the repair queue now" which makes me want to say WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF I HADN'T RUNG YOU TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT?!?!?

Supposedly it will be ready by tomorrow. I will believe it when I see it. Grrrrrr.

Let the frittering and senseless flirting and digressions begin...

Please?

when they fix a car, they don't often lose it.

Oh yeh, senseless flirting . . .

Well, hello there! What's a cute girl like you doing standing next to a rubbish water cooler like this?

I knew I should have purchased AppleCare and got decent service... but it's out of warrantee and I'm paying through the nose for it anyway! Argh!

Tee hee. I am so burned today that one of the managers came over and thanked me again for that report I did yesterday and I was so scatterbrained, I was all "report? what report? did I make a report for you?"

Oh yes, flirting. Why, hello sailor, do you come here often? Fancy a shot of rum for your water?

It was rumoured that the British Army put potassium bromide in the soldiers' tea in the late 19th/early 20th centuries to stop them getting horny and partaking in unhealthy trench activities.

they used to put bromide in the army issue coffee during the war to reduce the soldiers' libido (although, apparently, this was an urban myth and it doesn't even have that kind of effect)

Apparently Bromide is just a tranquilliser. I could do with some of that, regardless. Though not right now. I'm already spaced out. I fell asleep halfway through the Stephen Hawking documentary and dreamed of black holes and seem to recall having a phone conversation half in my sleep that may or not have actually happened or just been part of my dream. Now I'm not sure.

I did this last year, and I had half a dozen responses in that time.

I suck. :-(

Men my own age don't want to date women my age, they want to date 25 year olds. Sigh.

But don't lie about stuff on dating sites, you'll get found out. Remember the kid at school who bragged about his new toys? Eventually it was found out that he didn't have them and was just lying to impress people - it embarassed everyone. "A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face."

Maybe I picked a silly name. But the few names I picked were taken and there's no way to change it now.

Last night there was a really cute boy who listed a bunch of shoegazer bands and was wearing a paisley shirt and I was all "get in!" but now even his profile has disappeared.

::boggles::

I just got my coffee. I couldn't find my Aldous Huxley mug at first, but it was in the dishwasher. If I ever leave this job, I'm nicking this mug, I love it so much.

i just got Breeders tix. i think.

The Breeders are kick ass live. Lucky you.

Ah, there we go, the boy I fancy's profile is back in my matched list. I just noticed the New Order poster on his wall. He hasn't logged in since Wednesday so he probably didn't see my message. Phew.

I want to upload a better picture but I've not got a scanner. I finally managed to take a quite cute picture the other day - fortunately you can't see the posters on the wall, but you can see a tiny bit of the photo of the Rosicrucian Temple.

my girlfriend was Kim Deal's 'best mate for a day' at ATP. ask her about it someday, it's her favourite story. or go read about it in the NME, whatever.

yes, I know, you prefer sailor moon....

If it's the day I'm thinking of I think Kim was *everyone's* best mate :-)

i think it's a different day.

Shoegazer boy replied! ::bounce::

I will eat some lunch and try to calm down a bit before I reply so he doesn't think I'm a mentalist. Well, too much of a mentalist at least.

Which is exactly the sort of thing that I should NOT say in my reply. ;-)

Have a pirate party
"Everyone dresses up as pirates and brings CDs & booze (and
preferably their own laptop). Look through each others CD
collection and pick the ones they want and rip them to
the laptop.
http://www.putmedown.com/63/arrrr.jpg
Be aware:
-CD piles get mixed up very easily
-Drunken Choices (eg that Manilow Best Of)
-Laptops are expensive (and the CD trays break when you sit
on them)
-MP3 Ripper (The windows media format has annoying
incompatibility issues)
And Sept 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day." Matt
http://www.yarr.org.uk

BUH!

Or whatever else is at hand.

This may explain a few things.

I also want magazines, but I couldn't find a single newsagent that sold any. :-(

These are rubbish newsagents that actually only sell cigarettes and tabloids. Sigh.

It is a beautiful day - crisp and clear and lovely. Then I cam eback, ate some cheese and beat my mate at table football 2 games to 1. Get in!

You need to see the new house. The kitchen is immense.

I have not noticed wind. I'm just happy that it's cold and crispy - coat weather finally!

I have not noticed wind.

chuckle

(However, they are a bit tempting for those with a depressive slant to their personalities.)

In other news, I've just drank a pint of milk and feel as bloated as. Are you supposed to drink a pint of milk a day, or is that only when you're pregnant (which I don't intend to be anytime soon).

Also, the advert on the top says i can find an "Active SexSearch member in Staines" - Staines? What's so special about Staines? Are there loads of sex crazed gilz in staines?

was exactly that: 'Drinka Pinta Milka Day'

http://www.hatads.org.uk/library3.htm (1969 version)

" drinka pinta milka day lolz ^_^ "

I'm still feeling a bit blasted, it's not a good sign when you finish the weekend more tired than when you start. Doesn't help that I overslept so I've not had proper amount of coffee yet and the coffeemaker seems to be broken or out of sugar, argh.

Went to Poptimism on Friday night and although I can't remember much of it, I can't shake the awful feeling that I misbehaved badly, even though I can't really remember anything in particular except a run-in with an ex on the stairs on the way out.

Spent pretty much all Saturday in bed feeling awful. Alternately slept and read magazines. The Cotswolds issue of Country Life was everything I had dreamed it would be - including the news that Damien Hirst has just bought a 3.1 million pound mansion in the Cotswolds. There was a naked photo of him in the Guardian magazine as well. I cut it out and stuck it up on the wall because it made me smile. I cut out a few things out of Vogue and the like and stuck them on the wall. It's supposed to be creative visualisation or something, I don't know. Slept.

Sunday I went through all my clothes looking for autumn sweaters and the like. I was shocked that all my winter clothes are so drab. I think that's a hangover from the Joe period - he hated it when I wore bright colours and paisley and things. Why did I spend so long being so Not Me to make someone else happy? I want a big snuggly bright purple jumper now. Went window shopping at Liberty and fell in love with a new duvet cover - purple velvet and peacock feathers but it seemed to be either a one of a kind of a display model because I couldn't find one for sale (or with a price on it) anywhere. :-(

Had lunch with Emsk, saw Dig! (wrote about that on ILM) and watched documentaries until I fell asleep. The last ice age's ice sheet ended at Finchley Road Tube. Strangely appropriate.

and er.. i'm usually more tired at the end of most weekends than at the start. i thought that was what weekends were for?

i may be going on holiday next week! last minute and all that, very exciting.

i saw mudhoney. it was grungetastic.

i want coffee. i want cookie.

coffee without sugar is great! i hate sugar in coffee.
i am teh sweet enuf already lolz!!1

Where are you going on your holiday?

I want cookie, too. I didn't have any cookies at the weekend because they diddn't have any at Safeway. So I had Tunnocks instead. mmm, Tunnocks. Taste of Scotland.

I rested so much at the weekend! It is not fair that I am still tired. I slept so much on Saturday that I missed Nelson and Napoleon and the party. I still feel bad about this. :-(

friday saw me being a borey geek and spent most of my night installing new linux set up. then i went out for last orders.

saturday i stayed in and watched copulous amounts of comic strip dvd's.

yesterday i was geeky again and spent all morning and afternoon debugging my zombie adventure game which mysteriously became a trove of compile errors after the linux upgrade.

and this morning i feel great because i didn't get shedded at the weekend.

So I made some chocolate brownies, ate some Stilton, and watched about Daria for 10 hours straight. Nice.

I BELIEVE that young Richard will sort it all out today - he's better. If he's not capable to being trusted to drive this project, then I'll have to take the reigns off him. I've always trusted him in the past, but his recent inability to keep to the simplest of plans disheartens me.

Ste, I'm jealous of your sleep. Johnney, blimey, what a load of rubbish. Don't worry the loveyloveylovelove will wear off soon and he will go back to being a responsible fellow. Beanz, do you not bring lunch from home? I forgot to eat breakfast, but I found a fiver left over from yesterday so I bought an eggy sammich. Though now I won't have the appetite for my broccoli.

Cyprus! Weeeeeeeee!

and this morning i feel great because i didn't get shedded at the weekend.

I still feel a bit out of sorts from a bender I went on on Friday! even though I drank nothing for the rest of the weekend.

Had to go to EXTREMELY Catholic funeral for close friend's dad on Friday, way out in Malmesbury which is the oldest borough in England official. The wake was in a former coaching inn that had its first remodelling in 1220. Here is the Abbey, Kate - there's been something on the site since the 6th century:

http://www.malmesbury-memories.co.uk/DeeBailey/images/abbey.jpg

but fridays? boy that must have been some bender. was your 'run in' with the ex a shouty experience?

I am irrationally upset by his presence. I get upset when he tries to talk to me, I get more upset when he ignores me. I can't look at him and not see my own failure. It's fine, it's better when I don't see him AT ALL so I stop thinking about him. But having him close just feels like having my own failure rubbed in my face repeatedly. I made a mistake. I made the mistake of thinking we were close, that it was actually something special when really he's just exceptionally good at small talk. I get angry at myself for letting myself be affected, for letting myself be bothered by things I should have forgotten.

I wish there were a pill, condensed lotus blossoms or something.

'appen i bought a game couple weeks back that be named PIRATE'S COVE. reckon we should be playin' that tonight again then. arr!

I really didn't like what he was doing with his penis there.

My life feels a bit odd at the moment. I feel like I'm inventing dilemmas and dichotomies that aren't actually there except in my own head, because I'm inventing Relationship Opportunities that aren't actually there either.

Ooh, I forgot it was Talk Like A Pirate Day. YARRR!

I did like what he was doing was his penis, that was what made the photo so funny. And he was making a cheeky and mischevious face. It made me irrationally happy, especially combined with the bit in Country Life about him buying the Cotswold Castle. That's the sort of thing Kate Gordon would have made him do. (while spliffing up tampons in the Smoking Room) :-)

I've tried typing something in reply to your post way way up top about your ex kate but it's just all coming out crap. but in short, I empathise greatly.

i am fucking starving!

I can't keep this up.

Kate, would you be able to cope with not calling him? Then you can be ignoring him, not vice versa. Is any good going to come of having any conversation at all with him?

What would he want? No idea. I suspect he's as sick of the situation as I.

x-post. I wouldn't call him; I would send him an email. basically saying "Yes, I'm avoiding you, and I would to continue to do so, only more strenously. It's not your fault, but I can't deal with you right now. It upsets me when you do talk to me, it upsets me more when you don't talk to me. So I'd rather not see you at all." But I'm so sick of even thinking about it that I can't even compose the email.

So I'd rather think about naked Damien Hirst playing with his foreskin and Kate Gordon smoking tampons in his country house. Yes.

http://www.horsingaroundsaddlery.co.uk/ccp51/media/images/product_category/scan0003a.jpg

...but I think those are the leather ones, not the super-kinky rubber ones.

I got it honey & I will be responding when I get a mo! *hugs*

((I was trying to find a picture of the original sex wellies on her website but could not.))

http://www.equine-direct.co.uk/images/boots8a.jpg

I'm sorry, I'll stop.

(I want green ones, not black ones, though those leather riding boots above look pretty good.)

When am I going to get to have sex again? Erm... let's see. NEVER! Far more frustrating.

x-post

x-post

Yep you're all right, I am the spoilt one & should shut up at once! *rollseyes*

Even if I might not have Damien Hirst and Toddington Manor to amuse me.

http://www.toddingtonmanor.co.uk/gardens.htm

300 rooms. 10 gardens.

::seethes with envy::

http://www.pemberley.com/janeinfo/brummell.jpg

And here are some Regency types eloping.

http://www.pemberley.com/janeinfo/elope.jpg

Isn't Brummell's arse back to front?

What do you mean *turn into*? That's me ALL FREAKING DAY LONG most of the time!

http://www.zip.com.au/~lnbdds/home/todman/tmheader.jpg

http://www.zip.com.au/~lnbdds/home/toddington.htm

(These are so big they will linkify, but still)

http://www.beauharnais.sk/images/Toddington%20Manor%202.jpg
http://www.beauharnais.sk/images/Toddington%20Manor%203.jpg

Apparently he wants to keep his art collection in it. Blimey.

And that house ain't all that. Imagine you walk to the kitchen then realised you've left your mug in the opposite wing? It would make preparing tea an absolutew chore, instead of the wonderous event it actually is.

Peacock. Room.

http://www.osbornandmercer.com/images/peacocka.jpg

(And I would have been happy with just that peacock duvet cover from Liberty.)

Is it lunchtime yet? I think it might be.

That's why I'd hate having a butler. I'd spend all day making life easy for him. I guess I'd get used to it eventually and be beating him with the small end of a USB cable in no time, but until then it would be horrible.

Damien Hurst porn?

(I'm sure there's unsavoury jokes involving things being preserved in formaldehyde, but I'll let you write them.)

Except these days, they don't call people like that butlers, they call them PA's. I wouldn't want one of them, no.

I can't believe that LIAWOD isn't mirrored anywhere. 29,100 results for "damien hirst porn" on google and not one of them is *actually* porn.

(I will persuade Kate to like Welsh myth one day, I'm sure of it)

Yes, Lliawodd, the Welsh shoe-stealing sprite. Eeeeevil.

(LIAWOD = "Loving In A World Of Desire" = Damien Hirst porn.)

IT REEKS!

Mmm, damn, it's lunchtime and I didn't even notice. I should eat my broccoli. (Especially since Beanz is not around to dowse it with beer.)

Mmmmm, beer.

I should do something with all the beer that's building up in my fridge. I keep buying it and forgetting to drink it. I've got a pint of Badger Golden Glory, a pint of Nelson's Victory Ale, a pint of something yucky I got off the Stooges tourbus and a bottle of strawberry wine sitting undrunk in my fridge.

This is what happens when rehearsals are not at my house.

Save the beer for my housewarming party!

http://www.countryschool.net/nccs/about/about_assets/main_bldg.jpg

DUDE good weekend my w/e starts thursday, me and c and the new person doing my job went to the new la porchetta in camden which is much more civilised than and equally as delicious as the upper st one and more spacious than the boswell st one, then the gig we were going to didn't happen so i went home to sign the new contract for the house (pieces of slate).

friday my new old stereo (my uncle's old one, there is nuffin wrong with it but he wanted a littler one, it's awesome, he is v serious about music plus has a shitload more cash than me so it sounds AMAZING) arrived so i put it together and fiddled with all its bits and buttons then p came round and we ate halloumi and went wandering and bought a phone that didn't work and he showed me a secret record shop and i bought a pretenders record one and a john betjeman one. then h came round and we drank wine and i was gonna cook dinner for us but she'd had hers and the idea sort of got dropped by the wayside what with all the important wine-drinkin'. so er then we went to poptimism and drank some more and i went to sleep on the floor but also i danced and it was fab and somehow i came home with not a scratch on me and no cobwebs neither.

saturday woke up and messed around with aforementioned new stereo. our remaining housemate r's flight from texas landed in the morning so he showed up at lunchtime so i chatted to him and introduced him to the people in the house he hadn't met yet, i am pleased with our decision - think we have picked a good one. then went to get new bike trousery things (the old ones had almost no bum left and i have considerable amount of bum so it was getting to be not a pretty sight) and hurrah housemate e's new lady works in a bike shop so got discount hurrah! they have a zillion pockets. then went to oxfam to look for a dress for v&c's wedding but came back with 8 books and an elgar record instead. came home and made yummy courgette thing for me and the texan and stayed up talking to the russian for a few hours.

sunday woke up with teh cleeeeeeaning frenzeh on me so did the kitchen then swept and mopped all downstairs and upstairs bathroom then went to see DIG w kate (this was also the first outing for the zillionpocketed things), saw the angels (ooh! the angels!) came home ate some noodles went straight out again to see FIREWORKS off blackfriars bridge! wow, the fireworks. the fireworks actually only lasted a few minutes but the parade before was awesome (and if you'd asked me to come to a parade w no fireworks i would've refused), it was the end of the thames festival so there were loads of floaty multistranded shiny tinsel fishbird things and a giant spinning house with open windows and doves on it and a person inside and a dragonbike and rollerbladers and purple orange things and samba drummers and other drummers and a lot of them had incredible feathery creations and kate, i think that's what the angels were from.

er, xpost.

WHat is it with animated music today? This morning my head was playing "Bright Eyes", now it's "A Whole New WOrld" off Aladdin. This deal's getting worse all the time.

i went to work saturday but the hippy boss turned up 10 minutes after me and filled the office with noise, cold air, fidgeting and smoke so i left without getting anything done and went home and had nothing planned. not good.

sunday i came into work about 7:30 in a bid to avoid hippy boss and managed it for about 3 hours before he basically did the same as saturday. unfortunately i didn't have the luxuary of being able to leave - too much to do. home around 5, in bed before 10...

...and awake before 4 with a headache that i still have...

I feel ill - I might take 2morrow off work.

I am annoyed. Still the continuing saga of my laptop. Last night I went round there to demand that it be returned to me, fixed or not - made to wait for a good 20 minutes - and then informed that the optical drive had been fixed, but that the "logic board" (whatever that is, it sounds like an unused subset of ILX) had been broken in the process. They would not charge me for this (bloody well better not - it was functioning perfectly apart from the optical drive when I brought it in) but it would take another day or two to fix.

I hit the roof. I didn't actually start shouting (though I had been immensely looking forward to shouting and building myself into a good rage in order to start doing so) because it was a girl who was helping me and looked like she was about 12. But I got jolly cross.

Tonight I am going to go back there and camp out until it is returned to me. So I a in rather a foul mood.

Oh, and it's David Starkey who does the Monarchy series. Not Ringo. Though that might be good, too.

i didn't come last in Pirate Cove last night! in fact, i was the 2nd most famous pirate by the end of the game, whee! i drank too much rum for a monday night though. i most definitely will NOT drink a thing tonight, four days in a row is naughty enough.
this morning my girlfriend gave me a wee morning breakfast drinky thing. it tasted like jam!
my holiday is all booked up and confirmed and stuff! and it's reaaaaally soon! lastminute things rule! Eeeeeeee!
sorry to use my whole exclaimation mark quota in one post. ack.

I have just discovered that my days off for next week have been confirmed. Even though I'm no longer playing one of the gigs that I took a day off for. So I have three days off next and no idea what to do with them.

Should I go away for the weekend? Run off to Paris perhaps. (I think I'll be getting paid on Friday so this isn't an impossibility.) Or go shopping and visit museums during the day and all those sorts of things. The mind boggles at the thought.

...sorry. too much pirating.

Though I must admit, a couple of days in Paris sounds very very tempting. I wonder if I can get a reservation at my favourite hotel at such short notice.

But I do like the historical reenactor bits.

Though they didn't have nearly enough Katharines.

Anyway, this is my Very Good Reading (which will probably change if you follow the link, but trust me it was good) but I've no idea whether it means I should run away to Paris for a few days or not.

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD YOU SILLY WOMAN!

Oh, I've gotta email you about my housewarming. Please be free Sat 8th!

And yes! Go to Paris! Use every holiday as if you'll never be given leave again!

I don't know if I can get Eurostar tickets/hotel reservations/etc. at such short notice. Maybe I should have a looksee. Also I need to figure out which exact dates to go. I'm supposed to lead a walk on Saturday and go to a house party that night (though I never seem to make it to house parties lately, even if there is the lure of a pointy nosed blond boy at this one) and need to turn up to a gig on Tuesday evening. I suspect I'd only get one night in Paris which isn't really enough. Sigh.

Historians shouldn't use words like "inevitable".

I agree, this is lazy bad history. I also dislike it when they say - always in a portentious and breathy voice - "This would change the nature of X.... for EVER!!!"

I don't know. I like narrative and big characters and all those unfashionable things. I mean, how would you like your history presented? Like Green Valley or whatever that 1600s House reality show Experimental Archeology thing is called?

If you're talking about the Monarchy, it's pretty much a given you're going to have Big Characters. And The King is going to be the biggest of them all. (Though I did like the emphasis on the queens and female players in the Lancaster vs. York: FITE!!! episode, that brought a bit of fresh perspective to the played out old Wars of the Roses.)

I barely speak French, you know. (Though it was better after only 3 days last time, I was able to say please and thank you and ask for l'eau cheaux (or however you spell hot water).)

no, it's not pathetic to go to Paris by yourself.
just don't not go and then be all kicking yourself and being like "oh, i wish i went to Paris", that would just suck. go or don't go, but don't not go and wish you did.

there's a sentence in there somewhere.

Sense is getting the better of sensibility right now, and I think I should buy clothes and riding boots and sex wellies and go on a CD buying binge instead.

I speak French with an English accent because of when I learned it. (apparently.) And my companion spoke with a Canadian accent. So fortunately no one thought we were American.

I got randomly asked for directions three times. Twice in English and once in French. Do I just *look* like I know where I'm going?

The problem is, to get the kind of music I really want to listen to, I have to write it myself. Bah humbug.

It's ironic that in my experience it's the non-narrative historians who portray things as inevitable more than the narrative ones, who tend to imply that Big Changes Happened as a result of what one Important Person had for breakfast.

(OK, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean)

xpost: ooh, I must buy the new Ladytron album sometime.

I need to get some new black trousers as well, I've only just realised that these are ripped - no anywhere terribly important, but just annoying.

Perhaps I should save my Paris trip for when I actually have someone to go with.

Have we had a historiography thread? I'm sure we've had something like that. I imagine Mark S would have started something similar.

i want cookie STAT! i'm in danger of becoming mopey.

I've thought hard about this and never really come up with a good answer! There are two parts, I guess – subject and style. The subjects could be less about kings and queens (totally personal preferennce) and more about commoners. And there are ways of seeing quite big chunks of life by looking at e.g. medical practitioners or the clergy or blacksmiths or whatever. As far as style goes, I don't mind people dressing up as Wolsey or whatever (cos it makes me think of Carry On Henry) but I don't like being treated like an idiot. Back In The Day, history professors used to sit in front of a camera and lecture for an hour and they got pretty good audiences. I'm sure some of it was dull and Monty Python had plenty to take the piss out of - and I'm not advocating a return to that style. But it does illustrate that if you present something intelligently, you'll attract viewers.

FP: er, kind of! Tell me more!

I'll search for a historiography thread in a bit.

Wee pictures?

Ha i don't see this as a problem, i would love to be able to do this.

wee pictures. english civil war.

beanz: My idea, basically, is that because narrative history is structured around the actions of a small group of people, coincidences and small events that happen to those people are very much more important. On the other hand, with non-narrative history, there often tends to be a tone of "well, this *exact event* might not have happened, but change *along these lines* was inevitable because of Social Changes". The French Revolution is the best example I can think of off the top of my head, although I can't to be honest think of any specific events.

When I had started with the vague notion that it was "Powerful barons vs. Absolutist Monarch: FITE! (and keep those dirty Catholics out)"

So sometimes that whole "multiple thread" approach can be rather negative.

Too early in the morning for this personally.

Let's have more pics of toy soldiers.

http://www.grc.nasa.gov/WWW/Wright/ROGER/Images/men201A.jpg

Anyway, here is a random picture of James Bond with a martini because I have forgotten which thread it was supposed to go on now because I've been so utterly flummoxed by the English Civil War and its quantum h-bar lack of causality.

http://adac-verlag-gmbh.de/magazine/reisemagazine/hefte/076_suedengland/fotos/bond_martini.jpg

((Also, was Bond really Scottish? That was the point at which in my Scottish Enlightment book where I started going "hang on a minute..." Being educated at Edinburgh and being played by Sean Connery does not make the charcter Scots.))

Oh! And that too! The Scottish Church and the Covenanters caused the English Civil War, as well! My brain hurts!

http://www.grc.nasa.gov/WWW/Wright/ROGER/1903model.htm

You can make figures of Wilbur and Orville Wright from small, plastic army men. (These figures are about 2 inched tall). Enlarge the image at the right to see labels. Use a hobby knife to carefully trim off guns and army equipment. The helmet can be trimmed into a hat. To obtain the desired pose, arms and legs can be removed and some from other soldiers glued in their place. The picture to the right shows how to make a pilot to lay on the wing.

WTF?

http://www.grc.nasa.gov/WWW/Wright/ROGER/Images/men204.jpg

That's just creepy.

Clearly those NASA folk have too much time on their hands. We should send them to the moon again or something.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

What about you?

What? Not this again? Fair enough.

I'm pretty good apart from the laptop troubles. Sigh.

Is it lunchtime yet? I'm going to eat my strange pasta bake when the microwave is free and write back to Shoegazerboy.

http://images.radcity.net/5893/436171.jpg

G-kit - I keep my revenge fantasies in my head. But I like that one.

(Also, where is that photo of said school with small nuclear explosion on the portico?)

I was foiled in my attempt to buy a new PowerBook last Friday. I went to every shop in town, but no stock. Probably for the best, since I should wait until the purchasing scheme starts at work, but I need one pretty soon as the screen has fallen off my old one...

(xpost)

revenge? that's the worst revenge ever! it would be a social experiment.

http://orsay.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/6ef/61b/6ef61bf7-4feb-4ac1-920c-7cd8c56e24ba

(My laptop has been in the shop for two weeks. No, I am not pleased.)

I was thinking of buying a webcam, but I then realised what a pointless piece of equipment it is.

But a scanner comes first.

http://static.flickr.com/26/45001306_79afaf8d74.jpg?v=0

T-I-D, T-I-D, T-I-D
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

I was going to ask "what the heck is that, Luke Skywalker on a bad day?" and then realised it was Chris, drunk. Heh.

Oh wait, it's the age thing. Hang on.

It's your destiny

40 is only 5 years older than me. Weird that I would probably feel less weird dating a 30 year old than a 40 year old, even though it's the same difference. I think I'd just have more in common with a 30 year old.

Obsessiveness is fine - in fact, probably required. ;-)

I've just uploaded a new picture where you can see my face. However, it's the Elephants promo picture where I look positively BONKERS. Heh.

This should give you a fairly good laugh:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=15707451748515780496

http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=15856890744442646961

Amazingly, I'm only a 93% match with myself. No wonder I'm unhappy 7% of the time.

I am *so* not Northern. Heh.

A P45?

A Krusty Kreme (or whatever the hell they're called)?

A webcam?

(Where is g-kit? he would be so proud.)

And the bloody database isn't working... grrrr.

The apple people were all "your computer will be fixed by tomorrow, but of course we'll call you"

Have they called me? Have they called me, fuck.

Does that mean that my computer isn't fixed? Or does it just mean that they are stupid f*cking idiots who are incapable of doing what they say they will?

If the computer isn't fixed, I might as well cancel rehearsal. If I have to cancel rehearal, we might as well cancel the gig because I'm not going onstage at Cargo unrehearsed. IF MY COMPUTER ISN'T READY THEN I AM GOING TO GO AND THROW THINGS. Sigh.

Uh oh was this in writing? (Notice that the "i" and "u" are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER on the keyboard!)

Today, I have a meeting. I've been invited as the Technical Expert. Unfortunately, the meeting is about connecting two different types of widget which I know hardly anything about. Lovely.

More tea?

First order of the day - MY LAPTOP IS BACK!!!

I went there ready to throw a complete humpty - noticed the girl from yesterday was avoiding catching my eye. So this other bloke takes my pickup slip. Comes back and he has to consult the girl anyway and she's all "why does this look familiar?" so I kind of smile and roar "because you saw me yesterday". (I am taking notes from Captain Anderson. Growling at people is really effective.)

Anyway, she takes me slip and disappears for 20 minutes. FINALLY comes back with the laptop and the technician looking very apologetic and explains that "logic board problem" = the speakers don't work. I just burst out laughing. I roared "IS THAT ALL?!?!?! THE SPEAKERS NEVER WORKED, I TOLD THE BLOKE THAT WHEN I CHECKED IT IN!!!"

Technician bloke says that's covered by the warantee then, so would I like him to fix it? "Will only take a day or two!" I tell him I don't believe him and I want my puter NOW.

Anyway. After all that, in the end they didn't charge me for labour as "an apology for the delay". I was quite pleased with that - it seemed a very diplomatic move after all that faffing and losing my computer and delays and the like.

So all's well that ends well.

Anyway, busy day today. Big meeting with the big boss at 10 which I have an awful feeling will go awfully. Argh. How many different ways can I say "Querix doesn't work. Therefore JC-INFO doesn't work. Therefore the report viewer doesn't work. No, I can't fix it. And by the way, it doesn't balance, never has and never will. So stop asking." grrrrrrrrr.

Growling was really effective last night - I wonder if it will be as effective to growl during the meeting today. You know it's a bad sign when 2 people waylay you at your desk before you've even run the morning reports.

gnnnnnnngh fuxache!

Yeah, this is always the excuse they try with me, and it's like BUSTED!!! I've not got an answerphone you fool. Don't know who you left the message with, you freaking pothead, but it wasn't me.

Anyway, the SUPER IMPORTANT THING that blokey kept coming over and pestering me about was a request that had already been logged yesterday. (She came over and asked me when I was really busy, I said "send me an email" - she didn't send it until 5pm that afternoon. NOT GETTING IT TODAY, SUCKAH, DON'T BOTHER MARKING IT HIGH PRIORITY!!!)

Any emails marked HIGH PRIORITY I automatically send to a folder in the bowels of my inbox. As a matter of course.

And I don't mean just talk in a threatening tone, I mean actually growl. In the back of your throat, almost inaudibly, like you're doing it subconsciously. I've found this *very* effective both in the office and at the Apple Stores.

Shops assistants and repairpeople are far more inclined to deal with you as quickly as possible and get you out of the shop if they think you're genuinely bonkers and liable to explode at any minute. ;-)

(Or at least tabby stripes for the "aaauuuuuuuwwww" annoyed cat sound.)

Yes, that was fantastic! Totally unexpected and completely great!

Cannot wait to see your new trainers, they're so PRETTY.

Anyway, I need to get ready for my meeting now. Sigh.

Anyway, glad yr laptop is back and working Kate, and don't worry about the meeting FP, I'm always being dragged into meetings to talk about things I know nothing about. I imagine that they probably know I don't know much about it, and just want me there for a laugh, or alternatively, there's been some kind of communication breakdown somewhere along the line and everyone's got the misguided notion that I am an unmitigated genius.

SO we ring back the agency and, after much too-ing and fro-ing, it transpires that the landlord's wife came round, locked the door with another key, and didn't bother giving it to the agency! Growl, indeed. SO we phoned up the half dozen p[eople who were coming along and told them to come tomorrow, and made swure that the landlord would drop the key into the letting agency for us.

Why are people so rubbish? WHat is wrong with the human race? They keep doing rubbish things! STOP BEING RUBBISH! GROWL!

DO NOT PESTER THE MI PERSON.

Can I have a minion, please?

More later...

that's entertainment!

Aw man lookit that axe

Sorry, it's just been the day that everyone ordained was LET'S BUG THE MI PERSON DAY!!! and I got requests for about 3 little stupid stuff out of the database on top of having this big huge MI meeting about my Big Boss trying to balance 3 different departments wanting conflicting things out of the database.

And add to that the Database Admin stuff JUST ISN'T WORKING!!! but finally the person who was doing it has come back from her holiday so I can just say "ask her, I don't know!" If they want me to be a database admin, I'm perfectly happy to do it, but they need to get the PRECIOUS DATABASE DEVELOPER TO GIVE ME THE RIGHT ACCESS TO IT ARGH.

I can just tell it's going to be one of those days. Why are people so rubbish? I'm just going to look at that guitar some more now. Ah, lovely guitar.

I'm so glad. I solved the problem at my first attempt. Hurrah. Now can I have the rest of the day off?

Hey, JB, remember that Katie Fox book about Watching The English and how it had a special chapter about why the English view real estate agents as the total minions of Satan? Why are trying so hard to prove it in your case?> heh.

oh wait. barbershop mirrors. aw. shame.

"Sweet caaaar-ooooooo-liiiiine...."

(Or is that a Velvet Underground song, I can't really tell.)

Food... mmmm. Food tasted so good after I finally got home last night. But my lunch today is very boring and it doesn't look like I'm ever going to get to take it.

And argh the company owner is smoking cigars again, way to kill my appetite. Sigh.

(the new branch manager is rather stressed this morning because the radio adverts went out a day early - he is worried that the not-officially-open branch will be full of customers going "eee, it doesn't look very good in here - it's not finished!")

Actually, my boss did suggest this a while ago. Where do I want a free trip to? Brighton? Manchester? Cambridge?

Is anyone interested in Alton Towers next week BTW?

(I lie and say that I only read Country Life so I can do research on what properties people are actually willing to pay £1.5 million and up on.)

ha, i feel your pain. only it's not cigars but spliffs here.

I mean, not many banks will let you sit around with a pint on your desk like the ad agency used to! hah.